September 11, 2008

A Brain is a Terrible Thing to Waste

It is a joy to watch our little brain grow and yet I'm faced with a common dilemma among those in charge of a little one -- wanting to eat it.

Obviously it would be wrong to destroy the entire tree brain. What I needed to do was perform a small, precise fungal lobotomy.

I believe it was a young Joey Ramone (or as you probably know him better, Jeffrey Ross Hyman) who penned the artful lyrics: "Guess I'm gonna have to tell 'em, that I have no cerebellum."

Eating the tree brain is nothing new. You can read more about that experience right here. (And as I've said before, DO NOT try eating any weird things you randomly find growing on trees. You'll die, and I like having readers.)

I don't think anyone will realize the back of her head is missing. It's hardly noticeable.

I also received this email from Katie:


The tree brain TOTALLY looks like Pac-Man. That's awesome. Here's a picture for reference:

Love your site.

Thanks, Katie. And it may feel insincere since you said it first, but the site loves you, too. (And nice touch replacing the pellet with the quarter.)

Sneeze peeps kick ass.

Click here for The Sneeze Home Page!
Posted by Steven | Archive

I'm a longtime Sneeze reader, but I don't kick near as much ass as Katie.

Katie, if you're reading this, is there any chance I can send you a picture and you can put me into Dig Dug? It's a long-held dream.

Posted by: LiteralDan at September 11, 2008 9:26 AM

Whooo hooo second to comment!
Congratulations on having the pleasure of devouring the tree brain for a second time steve-o! Although if I were you, I probably would've spared no mercy and hacked the entire brain to intensely orange pieces. Perhaps you could can the remaining somehow and auction it off to us salivating sneeze readers? I would love to taste some genuine in-front-of-steve's-house tree brain someday...

Posted by: Amber at September 11, 2008 9:47 AM

OMG you di'in! LOL! Yey! *claps morbidly at the lobotomy*

Posted by: thedemigod at September 11, 2008 9:48 AM

But... it was looking like a lady's no-no part before you mutilated it. If you tilt your head to the right, it looks like what a friend of mine so uncouthly described as "meat curtains".

Posted by: Suzi at September 11, 2008 10:51 AM

Katie and The Sneeze, would you ever consider having a 3-way with me?
I love The Sneeze too, and I think I could love you too Katie, especially if it means a 3-way involving The Sneeze. Just give me a call and let me know. Thants.

Posted by: brad at September 11, 2008 11:02 AM

Haha, Dan. I don't know how good my photoshopping skillz are, but I'd always be willing to help fulfill the dreams of a fellow Sneeze fan.
And Suzi... I didn't see it until you said it, but now I can't get that image out of my head. XD

Posted by: Katie at September 11, 2008 11:05 AM

Brad, I'd have to ask my boyfriend on that, but I agree that any sort of three-way involving the Sneeze would be quite rad.

Posted by: Katie at September 11, 2008 11:07 AM

I must have been living in a cave...."meat curtains"?

Another thing I can thank The Sneeze peeps for teaching me!

Posted by: Lula at September 11, 2008 11:09 AM

this must be the tree brain with the most dirty-minded it trying to send a message with its patterns throughout its growth?

Posted by: Amber at September 11, 2008 11:26 AM

I am ruined...
I no longer see tree brain, I just see labia.

Posted by: Morgan at September 11, 2008 11:45 AM

It's hard not to wonder what might be revealed if the brain were scanned:

What emotions does it possess? What strange truths does it feel coursing through its itness?

Posted by: Christopher at September 11, 2008 11:58 AM

Jamie Oliver used some tree brain in one episode of his current show. Naturally he didn't call it "tree brain" because Jamie Oliver isn't nearly that cool.

Posted by: CortJstr at September 11, 2008 12:19 PM

Steve, you forgot to mention if it was as good as last time.

Posted by: Juliss at September 11, 2008 12:55 PM

Um, so did you eat it?? Details man, details.

Posted by: Jam at September 11, 2008 1:14 PM

I wish I could bottle the feeling I get whenever my Google Reader shows me an "Sneeze" update...If I could, I would be on that stuff all the time...I would give up the acid, pot, whiskey, Scotch, Beer, and Vodka that currently help me get through the day.

Posted by: Kels at September 11, 2008 1:19 PM

It looks a little like Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors!

Posted by: Dr. Squid at September 11, 2008 1:32 PM

Wac a wac a wac a wac a wac a wac a wac a wac a wac....etc....

Posted by: Aptkane at September 11, 2008 2:22 PM

Eating a portion of the brain while the specimen is still alive?! You, Steve, are the Hannibal Lector of the botany world.

Posted by: Kerry at September 11, 2008 2:43 PM

It actually looks like a graboid from the film Tremors...

Posted by: Sequence at September 11, 2008 3:11 PM

what do you wash that slider down with man?

Posted by: jumpin jehosephat at September 11, 2008 3:11 PM

Well I have heard that the fungus you see is just the 'fruit' of the real fungus lying deep beneath the surface of the tree. And of course the purpose of a fruit is to deliver seeds ..... and as this doesn't have seeds you can see and spit somewhere it makes me wonder where they go.

I wonder if they osmose into your body. Then take you over.

Oh well too late to panic now, just relax and be ready to do your master's bidding.

Posted by: Moooooggy at September 11, 2008 4:21 PM

Hmmm...perhaps if those unseeable seeds do osmose into a person's body we could learn to control said person through telepathic signals sent by the "Mother" Tree Brain.........and now that she has been lobotomized................muah hahahha

Posted by: Rob at September 11, 2008 6:19 PM

And all this time I thought Pac-Man looked like something else. I've been living a lie.

Posted by: Ade at September 11, 2008 7:35 PM

It was very good, but not as amazingly delicious as last year. It didn't have that lemony twang this year -- but still excellent.


Posted by: Steve at September 11, 2008 7:55 PM

I've never eaten tree brain but I've heard the growing edge is better than the tougher middle part. When it gets old it's incredibly tough and woody. Maybe this one is still pretty young?

If so, shame on you for vivisecting youth!

Posted by: Hieronymous at September 11, 2008 8:35 PM

Someday, I will move to LA in hopes of having my very own tree that annually grows brains.

If not I might have to eat my kids.

Posted by: also Steve at September 11, 2008 9:18 PM

It looks like a hand+forearm is inside an alligators mouth. I say alligator because they have more rounded snouts than crocodiles. This is before the lobotomy

Posted by: Luther Vandross at September 11, 2008 11:19 PM

Steve! I sent you an email that I thought you may find interesting regarding our old pal blowjo b. hobo! Did you get that, by chance?

Love the site! Too bad the tree-brain wasn't as delicious as last year. Perhaps you should water the tree more? Fungus loves moisture!

Posted by: Jesse at September 11, 2008 11:46 PM

Oooh! Great science experiment! Steve - you should see if you can influence the taste of next year's tree brain by planting garlic around the tree or watering the tree with whiskey. Too bad the brain only arrives once a year. Damn science takes too long. I want answers now!

Posted by: Snidely at September 12, 2008 4:49 AM

I fully endorse the tasty experiments as defined by Snidely in the previous post.

Posted by: raymac at September 12, 2008 5:27 AM

Jamie at home has an episode entitled "Mushrooms" where he goes and cooks up a tree brain. It looks delicious!

Posted by: Marteen at September 12, 2008 11:09 AM

Eat away my good man... everyone else is doing it.

Posted by: Erin The Great at September 12, 2008 1:50 PM

Where's my lemony twang, bitch!?!

Posted by: Eric at September 12, 2008 2:24 PM

Hmm....lemony chicken tasting fungus....I would recommend a nice witbier or wheat beer to pair with that!

Posted by: The Beer Snob at September 13, 2008 7:10 AM

Maybe the tree brain becomes less tasty each year it is ruthlessly consumed?

If we extrapolate back to the year of the stolen tree brain, imagine how good that one must have been! mmmmmmmmmmmmm..........lemony chicken meat curtains from heaven......

Posted by: wisbee at September 13, 2008 7:28 AM

I can't stop reading about the tree brain, even tho it makes me feel sick to look at it. I have a fear of mold and unexpected things growing where they shouldn't. This tree brain of yours qualifies as both. Yet, I'm weirdly fascinated. Despite the nightmares.

Posted by: JD at I Do Things at September 13, 2008 7:46 AM

Maybe you should share the brain with the family? They might enjoy it. You could make shish kabobs with chicken, steak, shrimp, and peppers! That sounds good huh?

Posted by: SOAD at September 13, 2008 6:08 PM

So this:

"yet I'm faced with a common dilemma among those in charge of a little one -- wanting to eat it."

Does it mean your youngins wanted to eat it - or you wanted to devour them? If the former, did they enjoy the taste of braaaaiinnnnsszzz?

Posted by: DavidNYC at September 14, 2008 1:23 PM


I just voted for your excellent blog for the Bloggers Choice Awards.

Could you please return the favor at:



Posted by: SpEdLaw2 at September 14, 2008 6:53 PM

I'm totally salivating. I wonder if tree brain pizza would be good?...

Posted by: Nicole at September 15, 2008 9:05 AM