We all grew up reciting irritating rhymes. Some of us grew up primarily on the receiving end of them... good times. It occurred to me that these funny little bits of kid comedy must exist in every language all around the world, so I decided they must be collected. Welcome to The Global Schoolyard Rhyme Project. A gathering of international obnoxia.
Global Schoolyard Rhyme Project
Here's the first three to start the ball rolling...
UNITED STATES
Baby, baby
Stick your head in gravy
Wash it out with bubble gum
and send it to the Navy
.........................................
SOUTH AFRICA
Yum yum bubble gum
Stick your finger up your bum
If it's nice, lick it twice
Yum yum bubble gum
.........................................
DENMARK
Hvis og hvis min røv var spids
og fuld af limonade,
så måtte du min ven slikke
den til ballerne blev flade
English Translation
If or if not my butt was pointy
and filled with lemonade,
then you my friends could lick it
until my buttocks were flat
Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct english translation
Click here for more of The Sneeze!
Posted by Steven at 06:08 PM
Global Schoolyard Rhyme UPDATE #2
Hey Guys, thanks for all the great obnoxious kid rhymes from around the world. Keep 'em coming! Here's 3 more for the Global Schoolyard Rhyme Project. I'll be posting more of them soon.
SOUTH AFRICA (Afrikaans)
Ek sien 'n skilpad op die pad
Ek tel hom op, hy maak my nat
Ek sit hom neer, hy doen dit weer
Die donner!
English Translation
I see a tortoise on the path
I pick him up, he pees on me
I put him down, he does it again
Damn it!
.....................................
RUSSIA
Ia sedgu na vishenke
Ne mogu nakushatsia
Diddia Lenin govorit
Nado mamu stushatsia
English Translation
I am sitting on a cherry tree
And can't eat enough cherries
Uncle Lenin says
I have to listen to my mother.
.....................................
KOREAN
yimone jibe gattaga
amtak sutak jabasuh
gilume doong doong dounungut
na han sougal anuji
orrijibe wabara
soo soo padtuk anjuji
English Translation
When I went to my aunt's house
they slaughtered a rooster and a hen
and cooked them in an oily broth
but they didn't give me even one spoonful
Well, when you come to my home
I wont give you any rice cake!
Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct english translation
Click here for more of The Sneeze!
Posted by Steven at 07:18 PM
Global Schoolyard Rhyme UPDATE #3
Here are some more outstanding obnoxious kid rhymes from Japan, Denmark and Israel!
If you've got a good one, send it on in!
ISRAEL
(This is the english pronounciation of Hebrew.
I used "Steve," but any name can be substituted.)
Steve hashamen
babeten yesh lo ben.
Eich korim laben?
Steve hashamen!
English Translation:
Steve the fat guy,
within his stomach there's a child.
What's the child's name?
Steve the fat guy!
Sent by: GrooveyGravy
...............................
DENMARK
Lille kat, lille kat, lille kat på vejen
Hvis er du? Hvis er du?
Jeg er s'gu min ejen.
English Translation:
Little cat, little cat, little cat on the road
Who do you belong to? Who do you belong to?
I am very damn well my own.
Sent by: Laurie Z.
...............................
JAPAN
Tan-Tan-Tanuki no kintama wa
Kaze mo nai no ni
Bura bura bura
English Translation:
The Fox-Fox-Foxdog's testicles are
Despite there being no wind blowing,
Swaying, swaying, swaying.

Sent by: Jason
Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct english translation
Click here for more of The Sneeze!
Posted by Steven at 06:53 AM
Global Schoolyard Rhyme Update #4
Here's a fresh batch of fantastic and quasi-disturbing kid rhymes from Russia, Holland and Germany!
If you've got a good one, send it on in!
RUSSIA
1st person: Skazhi klay..
2nd person: klay
1st person: skooshay bahnochku soplay!
English Translation:
1st person: Say "glue"
2nd person: Glue
1st person: Eat a can of boogers
Sent by: Daniella
...............................
HOLLAND
... (name) is gek
met een lepel in zijn bek
met een vork in zijn kont
zo loopt hij de wereld rond.
English Translation:
... (name) is crazy
with a spoon in his mouth
with a fork up his ass
that's how he walks around the world.
Sent by: Eliane
...............................
GERMANY
Eia popeia
Schlags Goeckele tot
Er legt keine Eier
Und frisst mir mein Brot
English Translation:
Aya popaya (nonsense)
Beat the rooster to death
He doesn't lay eggs
And he eats my bread
Sent by: Prensador
Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct english translation
While we're on the subject, check out some of the many verses to the classic "Diarreah Song" as compiled by the mighty mighty retroCRUSH!
Click here for more of The Sneeze!
Posted by Steven at 11:07 AM
Global Schoolyard Rhymes #5
Here come some new kid rhymes from Slovenia, Spain, Israel, and New Zealand for the collection.
If you've got a good one, send it on in!
SLOVENIA
(Insert any name.
I used "Steve".)
(Steve) se pa joce,
kaj mu je?
hlacke ima polulane
sram ga je
English Translation:
(Steve) is crying
What's with him?
His pants are pissed,
He's ashamed
Sent by: Michael
...............................
NEW ZEALAND
Yum yum
piggy's bum
makes nice chewing gum
Sent by: John E.
...............................
SPAIN
(The Mallorcan dialect of Catalan)
Ton pare no té nas
ton pare no té nas
ta mare és xata
i es teu germà petit
i es teu germà petit
té es nas de rata.
English Translation:
Your father has no nose
your father has no nose
your mother's is flat
and your little brother
and your little brother
has the nose of a rat.
Sent by: noonless
...............................
ISRAEL
hatul hirben halech vekaka biadeicha!
English Translation:
A cat has shat on you,
and poo is in your hands!
Sent by: Grooveygravy
Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct english translation
You can find the entire collection here.
Click here for more of The Sneeze!
Posted by Steven at 06:28 AM
Global Schoolyard Rhymes - #6
The international collection of obnoxious kid rhymes rolls along with this hilarious triple-shot from Canada:
QUEBEC #1
C'est Martine
La pas fine
Qui a pissé dans ses bottines
Sur la rue Ste-Catherine
En bicycle en gasoline
English Translation:
It's Martine
who's not nice
who peed in her boots
on Saint Catherine Street
On her motorcycle
...............................
QUEBEC #2
Nous autres on est champions, champions
Eux autres sont champignons!
English Translation:
Us, we are champions, champions
Them, they are mushrooms!
...............................
QUEBEC #3
Nous les filles,
on a du coeur, du caractère, des beaux yeux clairs.
On a des belles jambes,
des belles cuisses,
on est 36-24-36,
Et pis quand les gars nous voient`
"Wow, viens-t'en icitte!"
Vous les gars,
vous êtes niaiseux, paresseux et prétentieux
Vous avez pas de belles jambes,
pas de belles cuisses,
vous avez pas 36-24-26
Et pis quand les filles vous voient,
"Ouache, vas-t'en d'icitte!"
English Translation:
Us girls,
We've got big hearts, personality, nice bright eyes
We have nice legs,
nice thighs,
we are 36-24-36
And when the guys see us,
"Wow, come here!"
You guys,
You are stupid, lazy and pretentious
You don't have nice legs,
nice thighs,
you are not 36-24-36
And when the girls see you
"Yuck, get out of here!"
Sent by Catherine and Chuck
Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct english translation
See all the rhymes here.
Click here for more of The Sneeze!
Posted by Steven at 06:06 PM
Global Schoolyard Rhymes UPDATE #7
In this installment of obnoxious schoolyard rhymes from around the world, it seems that Jingle Bells is a popular target for kids everywhere. Here are 4 great ones from New Zealand, Brazil, Spain and The U.S - inspired by and sung to the tune of Jingle Bells (in their native language).
NEW ZEALAND
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Santa Claus is dead.
Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear,
Shot him in the head.
Barbie doll, Barbie doll,
Tried to save his life.
But a GI Joe from Mexico
Stabbed her with a knife
From: The children of New Zealand
(and Janice Ackerly)
...............................
BRAZIL
Jingle bells, jingle bells
acabou papel
não faz mal não faz mal
Limpa com jornal
O jornal é caro
Caro pra xuxú
Como eu fazer
para limpar meu...
Jingle bells, jingle bells
English Translation
Jingle bells, jingle bells
The toilet paper ran out.
No problem, wipe with the newspaper.
The newspaper is expensive.
Damned expensive!
What am I going to do to wipe my...
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Sent by: cbrayton
...............................
SPAIN (CATALAN)
Tinc un pèl, tinc un pèl,
tinc un pèl al cul,
jo en tinc dos, jo en tinc dos,
que és un més que tu.
English Translation:
Got a hair, got a hair,
Got a hair on my ass.
I've got two, I've got two,
And that's one more than you.
From: Trevor
...............................
AMERICA
Jingle Bells, Batman smells
Robing laid an egg
The Batmobile lost a wheel
And the Joker got away
Sent by: me
Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct english translation
Click here for more of The Sneeze!
Posted by Steven at 07:12 AM
Global Schoolyard Rhymes #8
Here's a new bevy of obnoxious international kid rhymes. This batch features ones from Bangladesh, Russia, and a bit of a theme from England and Canada. (I love when that happens -- so odd that it would be that song.)
If you've got a good one, send it on in!
BRIGHTON, ENGLAND
We had joy, we had fun
Flicking boogies at the sun
But the sun was too hot
So the boogies turned to snot
From: ToeKnee
...............................
CANADA
We had joy, we had fun
Sticking pickles up our bums
But the pain got too strong
'Cause the pickles were too long
from: Annie
...............................
BANGLADESH
Ada Pada Lobon Chaadaa
Paad Disey key?
Tui !!
English Translation
Ada Pada Lobon Chaadaa (nonsense)
Who has farted?
You!!
from: Jabin
Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct english translation
See all the rhymes here.
Click here for more of The Sneeze!
Posted by Steven at 08:32 PM
Global Schoolyard Rhymes #9
It's been awhile since I put up some new obnoxious kid rhymes from around the world, so here are a few from Holland, Ireland and The Channel Islands (which is just off the coast of France, sent in the language of Jèrriais.)
HOLLAND
Wat je zegt ben je zelf,
met je kop door de helft,
met je kop door de muur,
ben je morgen weer zuur!
English Translation:
What you say applies to yourself,
with your head in half
with your head through the wall
you'll be sorry again tomorrow!
Sent by Thijs & Wiarda
...............................
CHANNEL ISLANDS #1
Jean Stcheltonne
lé tchu lî sonne;
quand la mé monte,
lé tchu lî dêfonce;
quand la mé d’vale,
lé tchu lî dêhale;
quand la mé r’tithe,
lé tchu lî vithe;
et quand i’ gèle,
lé tchu lî pèle!
English Translation
John Skelton
his ass sounds;
when the tide comes in,
his ass breaks;
when the tide falls,
his ass comes out;
when the tide goes out,
his ass veers (he has diarrhea);
and when it freezes,
his ass peels!
...............................
CHANNEL ISLANDS #2
"Tch’est qu’est tan nom?"
"Man nom est man nom,
et l’tchein est êcrit souos la coue d’couochon!"
English Translation>
"What’s your name?"
"My name is my name,
and yours is written under the pig’s tail!"
Sent by: Geraint Jennings
...............................
IRELAND
Tattle-tale tit,
Your tongue's going to split,
Your brother can't go to bed
without his dummy-tit.
(a dummy-tit is a baby's pacifier)
Sent by: Johnnylaw
Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct english translation
See all the rhymes here.
Click here for more of The Sneeze!
Posted by Steven at 08:03 PM
Global Schoolyard Rhymes #10
Here's a fresh batch of obnoxious kid rhymes from Autralia, The Soviet Union and Rio. Thanks again to everyone for your submissions!
SOVIET UNION
Pervoye maya, pervoye maya,
kuritsa hromaya
a petuh kosoy
podavilsya kolbasoy
English Translation
First of May, first of May
a lame hen
and a crossed-eyed rooster
choked on a sausage
Sent by: eisje
...............................
AUSTRALIA
Boys are strong,
like King Kong!
Girls are weak,
chuck 'em in the creek!
(This can also be reversed, for sexual equality.)
Sent by Petra
...............................
RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL
Silêncio no tribunal!
Tira as calças do general!
English translation:
Silence in the court!
Take off the general's pants!
Sent by: rrocha
Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct english translation
See all the rhymes here.
Click here for more of The Sneeze!
Posted by Steven at 06:30 AM
Harper's & The Sneeze: WACKY!

How many times have you been working out, or eating your cereal or burying the body out back and thought: "Golly, The Sneeze is pretty okay. How come it's never featured on pg.22 of the August issue of Harper's Magazine?"
Well, guess what, Bubba? Your dreams have almost come true! The Sneeze IS in the August 2004 issue of Harper's, but it's actually on pg. 24. (Now don't feel bad, you were really close!)
Harper's has published 12 rhymes from the Global Schoolyard Rhyme Project.
I will admit it's a little odd seeing The Sneeze mentioned in such a well-respected periodical as Harper's. But let's not question it. Let us just enjoy, and say "Thank Yooouuuu, Harper's!"
Now all we need to do is get "Steve, Don't Eat It!" in the next issue of Gourmet.
Click here for more of The Sneeze!
Posted by Steven at 07:21 AM
Global Schoolyard Rhymes #11
3 new ones straight from those nutty kids in Finland and Portugal. Enjoy as they target Batman, Santa Claus and a local drunk...
PORTUGAL
(Here's one the sender's mother and her friends
used to sing to tease a local drunk named Sebastian)
Sebastião come tudo tudo tudo,
Sebastião come tudo sém colher,
Sebastião come tudo tudo tudo,
Chega à casa da pancadas na mulher
English Translation:
Sebastian eats everything,
Sebastian eats everything without a spoon,
Sebastian eats everything,
then goes home and slaps his wife around
sent by: Rui
**********************
FINLAND
Joulupuu on varastettu,
jeparit on ovella.
Joulupukki hirtettynä
killuu kuusen oksalla.
Kuusen pienet kynttiläiset
käristävät pukkia.
Pukkii huuta tuskissansa:
"Tuokaa haudalle kukkia!"
Kuusen pienet kynttiläiset
ovat aivan pätkiä.
Ympärillä lapsukaiset
vetelevät sätkiä!
English Translation:
The christmas tree has been stolen
cops are at the door
hanged Santa Claus
swings on a branch of a fir
Little candles of the tree
burn Santa
Santa yells in pain
"Bring flowers to my grave!"
Little candles of the tree
are short
around it the three children
are smoking cigarettes!
**********************
FINLAND
Batman oli mielipuoli
hyppäs katolta ja kuoli
Batman!
English Translation:
Batman was a madman
jumped off a roof and died
Batman!
from: leena
**********************
Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct english translation
See all the rhymes here.
Click here for more of The Sneeze!
Posted by Steven at 06:07 PM
Global Schoolyard Rhymes #12
Here's 2 quick filthy ones, making the trip from Norway! (Surely Harper's would have included these if it wasn't too late.)
NORWAY #1
kuk og fitte
sammen sitte
English translation:
Cock and pussy
Joined together
**********************
NORWAY #2
vi gikk og gikk
og gikk og gikk
med hengende daiar
og pølsepikk
English translation:
We walked and walked
and walked and walked
With hanging tits
and sausage dicks
sent by: svein
Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct english translation
See all the rhymes here.
Click here for more of The Sneeze!
Posted by Steven at 09:45 AM
Global Schoolyard Rhymes #14
It's been a while since I've added to the Global Schoolyard Rhyme Project. Here's a great one from the Philippines proving once again that no matter where you go, kids are funny little pricks.
If you have one, send it on in!
PHILIPPINES
Isa, dalawa, tatlo,
Ang tatay mong kalbo.
Umutot parang bumbo
Parang kanyon di rapido.
English translation:
One, two, three,
Your dad is bald.
Farted like a bomb
Like a rapid cannon.
Sent by: Aileen
Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct English translation
See all the rhymes here.
Click here for more of The Sneeze!
Posted by Steven at 08:46 AM
Global Schoolyard Rhymes 15
Things have been pretty active in the ol' international playground lately. Here are a few new ones sent in for France, Belgium and Italy...
FRANCE
je suis bourée, je suis bourée
je vais pisser tout seule
je suis bourée, je suis bourée
je vais pisser sur ta mère
English translation:
i am drunk, i am drunk,
i will pee all by myself
i am drunk, i am drunk
i will pee on your mother
Sent by: Anthony
ITALY
Pepsi-Cola
Coca-Cola
Osso Duro
V'a fa'un culo
English translation:
Pepsi-Cola
Coca-cola
Hard bone
Go make an ass
Sent by: Brian
FLANDERS, BELGIUM
Olé, Olé
En Steve dat is een ei
En hij zit in bad met zijn vinger in zijn gat
Alé Alé Yay!
English translation:
Olé, Olé
And Steve he is an egg
And he takes a bath with his finger in his ass
Alé Alé Yay!
Sent by: Peter
(This rhyme is from Flanders, the Dutch speaking part of Belgium. Peter says you can substitute any name, but I do enjoy a nice finger-in-the-ass bath as much as the next guy, so why change it.)
Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct English translation
See all the rhymes here.
Click here for more of The Sneeze!
Posted by Steven at 07:27 AM
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