February 24, 2008

Name That Toilet

In response to the previous post, a reader writes:

dear the sneeze --

i read about toilets on your website today. will you please have a the sneeze contest and let us, the fans of the sneeze, try to come up with the best toilet name ever? and would you agree to re-name your toilet the name that wins the contest? maybe you could pick the top 5 best toilet names submitted, and then we could all vote for the #1 winner.

if you like this idea, great! if not, fuck you.

--a sneeze reader (whom you kind of know personally)

p.s. i will start by suggesting "shit lagoon" -- but i have more.

Sure, why not. Our "Carrollton" from Toto is not a name to get excited about. And the toilet has not been installed yet, so once we have a new name, on the day it is installed I can christen it in more than one way.

Whether you have names to add or not, it would be helpful if you could mention any other submissions that you are liking, to help figure out the top 5.

The comment board is open now closed. (Poll coming soon.)

Click here for The Sneeze Home Page!
Posted by Steven | Archive
Comments

The Bottom Sneeze 3000

Posted by: faz at February 24, 2008 08:36 PM

The Poop Gobbler 5000!

Posted by: Victor at February 24, 2008 08:39 PM

In our dorm room - "Standard"

Posted by: Harrison at February 24, 2008 08:44 PM

Pearl Harbor.

"I'll be right back. Gotta drop some bombs off at Pearl Harbor."

Posted by: E=MC_Hammer at February 24, 2008 08:45 PM

Let's go with the classic: Charybdis

Posted by: Fox at February 24, 2008 08:45 PM

The Dookie Snatcher

Posted by: Dexter at February 24, 2008 08:47 PM

The Taming of the Poo
(a nice Shakespearean name)

Posted by: Jesse at February 24, 2008 08:49 PM

The Coprophage.

Posted by: James at February 24, 2008 08:50 PM

George Bush

Posted by: Courtney at February 24, 2008 08:50 PM

Steve

Posted by: Dave at February 24, 2008 08:51 PM

The Throne of Lost Souls

Posted by: Piccolo at February 24, 2008 08:52 PM

Gilligan's Isle (you know for those 3 hour 'tours').

Posted by: Dmatos at February 24, 2008 08:56 PM

Penelope

Posted by: Wouldnt you like to know at February 24, 2008 08:56 PM

UnkoIkken Plus!

Posted by: Bailey at February 24, 2008 09:00 PM

Splash Mountain

Posted by: Ruth at February 24, 2008 09:00 PM

The Holy Grail

Posted by: Ruth at February 24, 2008 09:02 PM

The real question is did you get custom lid installed on your "Carrollton"? if so, that could make all the difference in the world when it comes to a suitable name

Posted by: Steve...not "THE" Steve at February 24, 2008 09:02 PM

Steve Dont Eat It Factory

Posted by: Jacob at February 24, 2008 09:02 PM

Heavenly Gate

Posted by: Charlie at February 24, 2008 09:04 PM

Perhaps the Smelltron 2.5

Posted by: Steve...not "THE" Steve at February 24, 2008 09:07 PM

my vote goes for "standard"

here's my suggestion.

Steve, don't eat it! disposal unit.

Posted by: Austin at February 24, 2008 09:08 PM

Cheek Muncher

Posted by: Curtis at February 24, 2008 09:09 PM

Arserenity

Posted by: KJ at February 24, 2008 09:10 PM

Well, it has "skirted styling" or as i like to say, "Kilted styling", so it really needs a Scottish name, cause as we all know, "if it's not Scottish, it's CRAP!"

Posted by: Steve...not "THE" Steve at February 24, 2008 09:12 PM

Steve Did Eat It Deposit

Oops I Did It Again

Margarett

Lolo

Nina Haagen Dazs of The Chocolate Flavor

Sneeze Bowl

The Super Bowl

Unportable Potty

Processed Tree Brain Depository

The Eaten Food Memorial

-

GUS

Posted by: GUS at February 24, 2008 09:13 PM

I suggest you call the thing "Toilet." But you could Frenchify it to make it sound all haute. Or you could just go phonetic and call it Twah-let.

Here's a link to a website that analyzes the meaning of names. Here is their analysis of the name "Toilet."

http://www.kabalarians.com/male/toilet.htm

Posted by: Justin at February 24, 2008 09:13 PM

ooh ooh! or you could call it the McCrapper, keeping it in line with the Scottish theme from above.

Posted by: Justin at February 24, 2008 09:15 PM

outstanding Justin....simply outstanding

Posted by: Steve...not "THE" Steve at February 24, 2008 09:16 PM

I choose my name from that timeless song, "Convoy"

Kenworth Hauling Logs

Posted by: Frank at February 24, 2008 09:17 PM

The Olympian. Go for the gold!

Posted by: Scott at February 24, 2008 09:17 PM

The Brownie Bucket

Posted by: DC at February 24, 2008 09:17 PM

if anyone would like to take a look, here's a link to what i can only assume is Steve's toilet:

http://www.kitchenandpantry.com//Product.asp?ItemID=10315

Posted by: Steve...not "THE" Steve at February 24, 2008 09:18 PM

Would "The Velvet Revolver" be copyright or trademark infringement?

Just thinking about my toilet being called "The Velvet Revolver" brings a tear to my eye and bile to my throat.... but maybe it's just me...

Posted by: Suzi at February 24, 2008 09:18 PM

Also, I submit the name "Arizona" for you.

My mom always says, when the dogs are let out to poo, that they are going to "Dumpsville, Arizona"

Posted by: Frank at February 24, 2008 09:18 PM

You could just call it " Number 2"

Posted by: Steve...not "THE" Steve at February 24, 2008 09:20 PM

How about:

"The Royal Flush"?

Posted by: Kevin at February 24, 2008 09:22 PM

"Up shit creek" or would it be
"Down shit creek"?

"Shit Ta"

"plop, plop"

Posted by: Marg at February 24, 2008 09:24 PM

Diablo Cody

Posted by: Shayne at February 24, 2008 09:27 PM

I submit for your approval: "Unicornicopia." It's whimsical and makes me think of Thanksgiving (which, in turn, makes me poop).

Posted by: Dixie at February 24, 2008 09:30 PM

Thought of a few others:

"The Throne" - used quite often, but when I have to go, I often announce to others that I have to go rule my universe. And I often talk about how, when I finally get my own house, I'm going to decorate the bathroom in red and gold as if it were a throne room.

"Thomas" - in honor of Thomas Crapper, inventor of the toilet as we know it today.

"Xanadu" after that mansion in Citizen Kane. Or in Coleridge's poem... "in Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure-dome decree."

"X-13D" after that crap 'cheeseburger' flavor that Doritos introduced.

"Hollywood" - ever see that episode of Family Guy? 'So this is where all the sewage ends up'

Posted by: Frank at February 24, 2008 09:31 PM

Lou

Posted by: T at February 24, 2008 09:33 PM

The Log Sort

Posted by: Jesse at February 24, 2008 09:34 PM

ok, I laughed out loud at "cheek muncher", and I also loved "Arserenity", and I liked "Smelltron 2.5".

But I have one of my own. When I read the arcticle that lead to the naming of your toilet, the writer said the "shit lagoon". I can't say I love that, but it reminded me of a spitoon.

I hereby offer "the shitoon".

Posted by: vic at February 24, 2008 09:36 PM

The Event Horizon

Posted by: Noah at February 24, 2008 09:38 PM

Big Hungry Joe

Posted by: Matt at February 24, 2008 09:40 PM

Lord Shattington

Posted by: Matt at February 24, 2008 09:41 PM

"The Event Horizon"

I laughed out loud at that.

Posted by: Steve at February 24, 2008 09:42 PM

Yes, "The Event Horizon" is good. I also giggled heavily at "The Throne of Lost Souls"

Posted by: Matt at February 24, 2008 09:44 PM

The Cave of Wonders

Posted by: Billy at February 24, 2008 09:46 PM

I like "Steve, Don't Eat It!" the best so far.

Posted by: Ben at February 24, 2008 09:48 PM

Loretta

The Odyssey

Catch 22

Kafka On The Shore

Candy Mountain

ok so most of this just came from my book shelf

Posted by: mitch hedberg at February 24, 2008 09:51 PM

Destructo-Bot 9000: Ninja Slayer

Posted by: Greg at February 24, 2008 09:51 PM

Bookshelf or not, I kinda like "Loretta."

Posted by: Steve at February 24, 2008 09:54 PM

i almost pooped when i read Lord Shattington

Posted by: Steve...not "THE" Steve at February 24, 2008 09:57 PM

all i know is that one of the best pieces of vandalism i ever saw was the toilet at summer camp, where someone had stolen a sticker from elsewhere, and placed it on the inside lid of the toilet. the sticker read "We Recycle"

Posted by: judge mental at February 24, 2008 09:58 PM

also... when i was in italy, there were these minature construction vehicles to carry waste around called "dumpy 500." that was one of the best moments of my childhood.

Posted by: judge mental at February 24, 2008 10:00 PM

"Le Chuck"

Posted by: Ewe Nohu at February 24, 2008 10:04 PM

I'll have to second "The Shitoon"!

Posted by: Kevin at February 24, 2008 10:04 PM

The Disemboweler

Posted by: Jake C. at February 24, 2008 10:06 PM

"Amber Waves"

Posted by: Jen at February 24, 2008 10:17 PM

The Ol' Gerbil Pond

Posted by: Stinky McGoo at February 24, 2008 10:22 PM

This would really sound better as the title of the bathroom itself, but how about "The Cave of a Thousand Asses?"

Posted by: Ice Cream Socialist at February 24, 2008 10:25 PM

The Pensive

Posted by: MeatBall at February 24, 2008 10:27 PM

Toilets should have anthropomorphic scholarly names.

Professor Dumpledore

Doctor Doo-Doo-little

For our neighbors to the south:

Senor Burrito-completo

Posted by: Joe schmo at February 24, 2008 10:27 PM

Gambino & Sons' Lie Detector & Water-Boarding Device

Posted by: Johnny "Silver Balls" Holiday at February 24, 2008 10:30 PM

The Kiddie Pool.

So you can say "Yea I'll be right there. I just have to drop the kids off at the pool first."

Posted by: Chriney Splera at February 24, 2008 10:31 PM

Well my wife and i call it "the pool" as in

"Well honey, i gotta go drop some kids off at the pool!"

If "the pool" doesn't strike your fancy, you may also consider naming it "The Casbah" When dropping the kids off at the pool doesn't sound right, we say "I'm off to rock the casbah" or "holy hell, i need to rock the casbah!"

Posted by: Shadrach at February 24, 2008 10:32 PM

DAMMIT CHRINEY! You beat me by one minute! Well -F- i still recommend "The Casbah"

Posted by: Shad at February 24, 2008 10:37 PM

Sly & The Family Stone!

It could even have a sweet funky theme song.

If the joke's not clear, the family stone is a family dump.

Posted by: Harrison at February 24, 2008 10:39 PM

"The God Phone" -- for those post-drinking binge moments.

"Dunedoo" -- A real place in Australia. Pronouced Dun-e-do, not dune-do. Honest.

"The Crapper" -- Traditional.

"The Blumpkinator" -- Um, look it up on somewhere like urban dictionary. Or not. Best not.

Posted by: Sauly at February 24, 2008 10:41 PM

The Bulimic's Best Friend - aka - The Confidant

Posted by: Roberto Carrington III at February 24, 2008 10:43 PM

The "Shitoon" is good, but I'm guessing it's probably not acceptable as an official name, since there are small children in Steve's house. Since I also have small children in my house, I will only be able to call mine that privately :-(

I also like Professor Dumpledore

Here are a couple site-based ideas:
- The Turdy Station
- Steve Ate It

And a couple of ideas based on the toilet manufacturer (Toto):
- Auntie BM
- Poo-sanna (just think "All I wanna do when I wake up in the morning is hold you tight")
- Assfrica (just say it out loud a few times... it's nice)

Posted by: LiteralDan at February 24, 2008 10:44 PM

Cuitlacoche (kweet-lah-KOH-chay)

Just say it out loud. "Honey, where's the paper? I need to go to the Cuitlacoche." It has a nice ring. Only Tree Brainers and whoever eats that stuff will know what it really is. And really, who's going to know the difference?

(for reference http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000344.php)

Posted by: grimkitty at February 24, 2008 10:46 PM

The Felcher

Posted by: Bob at February 24, 2008 10:49 PM

"The Dream Catcher"

Posted by: Mike Y. at February 24, 2008 10:49 PM

How bout:
"The Moan Throne"
"Squeeze and Please"
"Whammy Ka-blammy"

Posted by: Bags at February 24, 2008 10:51 PM

I'm not sure if someone earlier was trying to recommend the name or if they were signing their comment. Regardless I would like to put a vote in for "Gus."

It's simple and quick to say. I like it.

Posted by: WalterBean at February 24, 2008 10:51 PM

I second "Perhaps the Smelltron 2.5"

Posted by: Little Pete Wrigley at February 24, 2008 10:53 PM

My vote is now for "Gambino & Sons' Lie Detector & Water-Boarding Device"

Also,

William Shatner.

end of competition.

Posted by: Austin at February 24, 2008 10:56 PM

Chorizo Machine

Posted by: supergrover at February 24, 2008 10:59 PM

These are great suggestions, I like the Shitoon but you'd then have to explain it to the kids.

If you lived in Dallas the Texas Poop Depository would fit.


On a related note my wife and I refer to pooping while at work as "Cashing The Brown Paycheck".

Posted by: Will at February 24, 2008 11:00 PM

My suggestion: Deep Blue.

My favorite from above: The Confidant.

Posted by: Jordan at February 24, 2008 11:11 PM

Also, "The Hiding Place".

Posted by: Jordan at February 24, 2008 11:12 PM

The Hot Seat.

Posted by: Hannah at February 24, 2008 11:17 PM

William Shatner- that's brilliant! Or should I say, "ass"tounding!

Posted by: becky at February 24, 2008 11:17 PM

My vote's for Gus, especially if its short (as it is in a certain disney film), for Octavian

Posted by: Dahl. at February 24, 2008 11:21 PM

"The dream catcher" is by far my favorite.

Posted by: kevin at February 24, 2008 11:27 PM

I was going to suggest Hillary, in keeping with Kohler's female name theme, but I don't know your political affiliations ;) The Shatner and The Confidant are the frontrunners, imo, or perhaps St. Steven's Cathedral, as in praying on the porcelain alter.

Posted by: Leasa at February 24, 2008 11:27 PM

The Butt Brain

or

Steve, don't crap it!

Posted by: Sally Villarreal at February 24, 2008 11:28 PM

...The "Plug-Chugger"
...The porcelain seat of contemplation...
...I like plug-chugger ; it's got ZAZZ!

Posted by: Scotty Karate at February 24, 2008 11:29 PM

Thought of two more on the way home --

"Hello SCATty" -- Think cute jap cat, eating poo. Alternative could be "Hello Shitty", perhaps. The idea is to cute it up, and the Japanese are well into odd things.

"Mr Hanky's House" -- Nod to South Park.

Posted by: Sauly at February 24, 2008 11:31 PM

Assfrica made me lol

I also believe it would be extremely satisfying to take a shit on "Fergie"

Posted by: Jenna at February 24, 2008 11:31 PM

I like Lord Shattington, and William Shatner ... yeah, that's good - must be where the captain's log goes?

Here are some quick entries:

The Log Ride
Shangri-Log
Poolympus
Turdvana
Lunch Heaven
New Jersey

Man, I'm so glad my education hasn't gone to waste!

Posted by: Spork3000 at February 24, 2008 11:53 PM

I'm too tired to be creative right now, but I gotta vote for "shitoon" and especially "Mr. Hanky's House".

Posted by: Joe at February 24, 2008 11:54 PM

Gentle Geyser Viewpoint

Posted by: Stekel at February 25, 2008 12:05 AM

Weeee! (for the kids)

Or Gus, or Bottom Sneeze 3000

Posted by: Diane at February 25, 2008 12:15 AM

"Streamweaver"

Posted by: Zora at February 25, 2008 12:16 AM

How about "The Cold Throne", "Turtle-head Lake", "Library Chair 2.8", "Liquid Sunshine", "The Harington" (After the inventor John Harington.

So many great suggestions thus far. I can't pick just one.

Posted by: Fishbrew (fill in cello player in the Tree Brains) at February 25, 2008 12:16 AM


My vote goes to "The Event Horizon".

Posted by: Greg at February 25, 2008 12:29 AM

My vote goes to "The Confidant". Not only does it work for bulimics, but it also works for keeping those unpleasant smells anonymous.

Posted by: Alise at February 25, 2008 12:49 AM

Stevie's meadow muffin tray
Meadow muffin is a slang term for poop xD
P.S.
yes that is my real first name

Posted by: Porche at February 25, 2008 12:54 AM

The most voted for names are as follows:

Shitoon - 4

Gus - 3

Event Horizon - 3

William Shatner - 2

Smelltron 2.5 - 2

(as a side note, i didn't include the original post.)


Also, i was inspired by Hannah to come up with....

The Hot Gate

SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!1!!1!!!!!!1!!!1!!!!

Posted by: Austin at February 25, 2008 12:56 AM

The Dook Chute

Posted by: BrassBear at February 25, 2008 01:06 AM

I like Gus

Posted by: Marinus at February 25, 2008 01:11 AM

I like "Le Chuck", but it's only funny if you are a Monkey Island fan.

Some of my ideas...

Outbox

To Be Filed

Download Queue

Printer Spooler

Vista

The "Other" Recliner

Doggie Mug

Goldfish Graveyard

Cheek Squeezer

Mini Jacuzzi

Your Mom

Oh Shit Falls

Posted by: Celes at February 25, 2008 01:14 AM

The Swamp - As in "I'm just going to drop Yoda off at the swamp."

Posted by: Steve at February 25, 2008 01:19 AM

I love, love, love The Eaten Food Memorial. And Xanadu (especially with that Coleridge quote, which you could have framed on the wall.)

Posted by: Flip at February 25, 2008 01:23 AM

The Crapperjack

(I'm sure there are plenty of "what prize did ya get?")

Posted by: Steve at February 25, 2008 01:26 AM

Home of the Whopper

Posted by: Matt at February 25, 2008 01:27 AM

hmmm there is alot of comments... and i have slight suspicions that my post will be skimmed over, unnoticed, but on with the naming... how bout... Tomb of AssKebobs has a nice egyptioan yet comical feel to it me thinks.

Posted by: Kenny at February 25, 2008 01:31 AM

"Broken-hearted"
as in:

Here I sit,
Broken hearted.
Tried to sh!t,
But only farted.

Posted by: Steve at February 25, 2008 01:54 AM

Failed marriage.

Posted by: zeph at February 25, 2008 01:57 AM

I think I want to stick with the whole elegance that the company is going for, so my suggestion would be: "Moonlight Escapade"

Posted by: Derrick at February 25, 2008 02:11 AM

I like "Gambino & Sons' Lie Detector & Water-Boarding Device." It's topical. It's thought provoking. It's an absurdly long name for the shit can.

Posted by: rachel at February 25, 2008 02:42 AM

OK Love the Shatner

but here are a few for you...
Thermopolye ( the greek name of the Hot Gates from the Spartan refrence...you could even make a sign based on the stone plaque placed there "Stranger, Go tell the Spartans that here we 300 sat , and with spartan law did our doodie")

Man with the Horse (going to see a man about a horse ref.)

Bloodrayne:The Movie ( Just because it was truly a pile of shit)

Sweet relief

The Final Frontier (but you could only call that right before you christen it...because haveing read wht you eat you will boldly go where no man has gone before)

Dr Pooper (must know what dr peeper was originally for to get that one)

and finally:

a modifier to an earlier post
William Shatner should be shortened to The Shatner but pronounced Shat....(exstended over actted grunt)....nerrrrrrrrrrrrr ( the r is pronounced in pronounced relief)

Posted by: Jason the Argonaught at February 25, 2008 02:48 AM

Though there are a lot of great names up there, "Big Hungry Joe" Amused me the most...though maybe it should be "Big Hungry John"?

Posted by: Skeeve at February 25, 2008 03:09 AM

For the Trek fans - "Food Replicator-Tron 5000: Feedstock Input Port"

Posted by: Drew at February 25, 2008 03:30 AM

Big Hungry Joe made me laugh the most, and gets my vote.

You gotta love a crapper that would look forward to its job.

Posted by: El Pepto at February 25, 2008 03:34 AM

Judge Fudge

The Masturbatorium

Weight Watchers

Auschwitz

The White House

(and for the kids) Tinkle Town

Posted by: Lt. Dan at February 25, 2008 03:42 AM

I love William Shatner!

A few more:

Brown Eyed Swirl

Stinky McDoodie

Dreamcatcher

Tony Stewart

Posted by: Jimmy Mack at February 25, 2008 03:50 AM

The Drowning Pool
Stainless pot

The shitty throne

Posted by: Matt from Ireland at February 25, 2008 03:52 AM

Cack Casket

Posted by: JC at February 25, 2008 03:59 AM

As always, I cannot be original and turn to Futurama for inspiration: Sgt. Feces Processor

Posted by: Craig at February 25, 2008 04:13 AM

Big Bertha.

Posted by: betty at February 25, 2008 04:13 AM

The Urinator makes me lol, too.

Posted by: Lt. Dan at February 25, 2008 04:15 AM

Hahaha...okay, my favorites are definitely:

Lord Shattington
Shitoon
The Crapperjack

(in that order).

Posted by: betty at February 25, 2008 04:16 AM

The Dirty Sanchez

Posted by: Pat at February 25, 2008 04:23 AM

Dunny-On-The-World

Posted by: SuperPup at February 25, 2008 04:23 AM

My two year-old recently began calling the big-person potty "the poop ledge", and everyone else followed suit. I mean... c'mon! It's fucking perfect! "Gotta to sit on the poop ledge...".

Posted by: Jul at February 25, 2008 04:31 AM

The Stargate

Posted by: mike at February 25, 2008 04:35 AM

The Crusader, or Pegasus (as it's a porcelain pony)

Posted by: Alida at February 25, 2008 04:36 AM

Le Poodoir?

Shitty Hall?

Big Gulp?

Anyhow I vote for "The Shatner"

Posted by: Glen K. Amo at February 25, 2008 04:38 AM

"The Crosby Cradle"

"The Stoole Stool"

Posted by: yourmumgoestocollege at February 25, 2008 04:50 AM

In relation to my previous comment:

"I've just got to dop the Crosby kids off at the pool!"

Posted by: yourmumgoestocollege at February 25, 2008 04:51 AM

My vote is for "The Event Horizon" - since that's the whole point - you don't want whatever is in there to EVER come back!

For those not in the know about black holes - the event horizon is the point of no return as you approach a black hole. Once you cross it, you cannot get back out.

Perhaps that suggests another name idea:

"The Black Hole"

Posted by: Jeff at February 25, 2008 04:52 AM

Bahahaha, i like Jesse's "The taming of the poo".

Posted by: yourmumgoestocollege at February 25, 2008 04:53 AM

I like "big hungry joe" and the "poop ledge".

I would like to nominate "Steve's Stink Pot". After all, a throne should be named for his master.

Posted by: Holtemonster at February 25, 2008 04:54 AM

All of the toilets in my house have "Church" on the seat. This has always amused me since it is the only "church" I attend regularly.

Posted by: Some other Steve at February 25, 2008 05:01 AM

I liked Assfrica and Arserenity. And Poop Ledge.

Posted by: christy at February 25, 2008 05:06 AM

"The Shatner" is great. But not William Shatner.

Posted by: Lizardqueen at February 25, 2008 05:15 AM

Sticking with the French theme:

Rendezvous

or perhaps

Deja Vu...

Posted by: Grezz at February 25, 2008 05:16 AM

Big Bertha

Posted by: Kate at February 25, 2008 05:18 AM

How about "The Thunderdome"?

Posted by: Drew at February 25, 2008 05:20 AM

The Shatner.

The Stool Stool.

The Stool Pool.

The Shiitake-r!

or possibly Shiitake soup bowl. (so literal)


Posted by: chris at February 25, 2008 05:21 AM

Soylent brown

Commode-or Perry

Skip-to-my loo

Posted by: Mark at February 25, 2008 05:27 AM

Heh heh... we have a urinal at school called the Manfield...

But I digress.

Name: The Vertical Excrement Receptacle Unit.

As opposed to... horizontal, I guess? Work that out on your own time...

(Personally, I like The Event Horizon.)

Posted by: Chance at February 25, 2008 05:29 AM

"Château Verdaflore"

Posted by: Morgs at February 25, 2008 05:37 AM

Blumpkin Patch

Otherwise I liked McCrapper

Posted by: Jay at February 25, 2008 05:37 AM

The Fartress of Solipoo

Posted by: Ben at February 25, 2008 05:37 AM

Ernst Stavro Blowarse,

perhaps the "Linkletter."

The Confessional... it is a spiritual place afterall.

"The Face"

Posted by: rich at February 25, 2008 05:37 AM

Revised!: The Fartress of Solidpoo

Posted by: Ben at February 25, 2008 05:38 AM

The Bleak Bog
(marked by wet and windy conditions)

Posted by: Coby at February 25, 2008 05:46 AM

Where Hippos Go To Die

The Poopal Throne

Posted by: mike at February 25, 2008 05:47 AM

The Colon-izer

Posted by: Maybalee at February 25, 2008 05:48 AM

The Indoor Poo.

Posted by: golfwidow at February 25, 2008 05:57 AM

"Senator."

Posted by: Heather at February 25, 2008 05:58 AM

Okay - I have read thru and these are the best ones in my opionion:

Splash Mountain
Smelltron 2.5
Arserenity
Sneeze Bowl
The Olympian
The Royal Flush
The Shitoon
Senor Burrito-Completo
"Squeeze and Please"
Poolympus
The Crapperjack

....and OMG - dying laughing over New Jersey!!! HAHAHA!!!

Posted by: soapbox.SUPERSTAR at February 25, 2008 06:02 AM

I also love "The Event Horizon" and "The Dream-Catcher."

Posted by: Heather at February 25, 2008 06:06 AM

Since it is manufactured by TOTO, I would submit that it should be called "STYX" with the tag line, "Styx, . . .unleash your own river of HELL!"

Posted by: LarryMFJenkins at February 25, 2008 06:10 AM

Fort Clog.

Favourite Faeces Honour Manoeuvre

Posted by: J.W. at February 25, 2008 06:11 AM

Amber
Heinrich de Turd
Ab Roller
Primrose Schindler
Lord Bungfish McMurtry
The Squeeze Box
Fillmore Fecalford

Posted by: Andrew at February 25, 2008 06:13 AM

Brittney Spears

Nuff Said

Posted by: Jason the Argonaught at February 25, 2008 06:14 AM

Wait no.....

Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton would work tooo

Posted by: Jason the Argonaught at February 25, 2008 06:15 AM

I think the top three choices here so far are:

"Turtle-head Lake" how did everyone else miss this?!

"Judge Fudge" the best rhyming option

and "poop ledge" You gotta love children

Posted by: Kasie at February 25, 2008 06:15 AM

Nope I was right


Britney Spears


Nuff Said

Posted by: Jason the Argonaught at February 25, 2008 06:16 AM

The oval office.

Posted by: anonymous at February 25, 2008 06:17 AM

I didn't read everyone's submissions so I'm sorry if I double post.

Maybe...

The Tsunami Swirl

Urination Station

The Glory Hole

Posted by: Matt at February 25, 2008 06:24 AM

I like:

unportable potty
Casbah
Shitoon

Posted by: innocent bystander at February 25, 2008 06:27 AM

Did anyone mention John? In the spirit of Frenchification it could be Jacques.

Also how about Cup, as in "two girls and a . . .?"

Posted by: Thomas at February 25, 2008 06:30 AM

The Poop Ledge - haha! Brilliant. My ha'penniworth...

The Fall

Miss Midden

Bums Away!

Posted by: Fattmatt at February 25, 2008 06:30 AM

Flushing Meadows

Reflectively Urcine

Summer Breeze

Brutal 850-pound bear rape

Posted by: John at February 25, 2008 06:30 AM

Senor Craphonso.

As in "I'm going to have a few words with Senor Craphonso..." or "I shall make Senor Craphonso pay!!!!"

As a matter of fact, I might name my OWN toilet that....

Posted by: Todd at February 25, 2008 06:30 AM

Wait its made by Toto? Ok let me list some song titles by the band Toto

Africa (already Ref.ed)
Baba Mnumzane
Better World Parts I and II
Bottom of your Soul
Burn Down The Mission ( considering what Steve Eats LOL)
Can't Stand It Any Longer
Carmen
Couls This Be Love
Don't Stop Me Now
Dying On My Feet
Endless ( We have all had those sessions)
Falling in Between
Geargey Progy (Bwahahahaha)
Goin' Home
Goodbye Elenore
High Price of Hate
Hold The Line
Home of the Brave
Hooked
Hydra
I think I could Stand You Forever
I won't Hold You Back
I'll Be Over You
I'll Supply The Love
Isolation
It's A Feeling
King Of The World
Let It Go
Maiden Voyage/Butterfly
Manuela Run
Mindfields
Mrs. Johnson
Mushanga
No End In Sight
On the Run
Right Part Of Me
Rockmaker
Simplelife
Slipped Away (for when you dont quite make it)
St. George and the Dragon
Stay Away
Taint Your World
Takin' it Back
Til the End
We Made It

I think we got the Playlist for when the Tree Brains theoretically Play the Opening of the New Toilet right before it is CHristened By Steve

Posted by: Jason the Argonaught at February 25, 2008 06:30 AM

'Aryan Superqueer.'

This is a band-name contest, right? No? Oh.

Um. The toilet. Uh.

I'll stick with 'Aryan Superqueer'.

Posted by: You can call me, 'Sir' at February 25, 2008 06:31 AM

Shatner is classic...
I like DeVille or Towncar though. Sounds luxurious.
And how about Super Bowl? As in, "I have to drop the Browns off at the Super Bowl."

Posted by: Tony at February 25, 2008 06:31 AM

Mr. Poodumpski

Posted by: Jennifer Scott at February 25, 2008 06:32 AM

up sorry its
Georgy Porgy not Geargy

Posted by: Jason the Argonaught at February 25, 2008 06:33 AM

I vote for William Shatner. Elegant in its entendre.

Posted by: Susan at February 25, 2008 06:33 AM

I like Shatner myself. Or perhaps The Rear Sneeze?

Posted by: Kathleen at February 25, 2008 06:34 AM

The Bakery- it's where you go to pinch a loaf.

Otto

Tina

The Stool - works on several levels.

Posted by: qt314159265 at February 25, 2008 06:35 AM

William Shatner is my favorite

Posted by: Eedo at February 25, 2008 06:40 AM

I'd like to cast my vote for William Shatner. I can really see that used in context.

Posted by: Jessie at February 25, 2008 06:43 AM

"The Log Flume"

Posted by: Matty at February 25, 2008 06:48 AM

mystic river

Posted by: sally at February 25, 2008 06:50 AM

Danny Thomas's Coffee Table or simply the Danny Thomas.

Posted by: Pablo at February 25, 2008 06:51 AM

The Great White Canyon*


*Named by action figure explorers of potty national park.

Posted by: Sam at February 25, 2008 06:51 AM

How about something German to fit the "schiezer" aspect:

Das Poop

Posted by: pells at February 25, 2008 06:52 AM

First, let me say it's threads like these that remind me why I love The Sneeze.

My faves:

The Crapperjack
Kenworth Hauling Logs

Posted by: Steve G. at February 25, 2008 06:52 AM

Around here we have:

The Dog's Water Bowl
The Tick Morgue
The Brown Swimming Hole
Dad's Lounge

Posted by: sicasso at February 25, 2008 06:56 AM

How bout we call it brad pitt, as in, im gona go take a dump in brad pitt.

Posted by: Nelson at February 25, 2008 06:57 AM

or New Jersey.

Posted by: Nelson at February 25, 2008 07:02 AM

Thunderhole

Posted by: James at February 25, 2008 07:02 AM

"Bob"

just "Bob"

Posted by: bluberd at February 25, 2008 07:05 AM

Sweet Repose

Posted by: Lilacspecs at February 25, 2008 07:05 AM

Banque

It's French for bank. As in making a deposit.

Posted by: An Creon at February 25, 2008 07:10 AM

I bought my toilet bowl at Ikea, it's called "Ånus"..

Posted by: jjjansenster@gmail.com at February 25, 2008 07:11 AM

Hurricane Latrina

Posted by: RSN at February 25, 2008 07:12 AM

We used to say "gotta go take a Bill" which came from "gotta take a shat" from the obvious Billy Shatner, so that gets my number one vote, although in the interest of classiness perhaps William Shatner, Esq. or something. Also, Lord Shattington and Pearl Harbor.

Posted by: the don at February 25, 2008 07:12 AM

"the event horizon" is perfect:
from Wikpedia: "In general relativity, an event horizon is a boundary in spacetime, an area surrounding a black hole, beyond which events cannot affect an outside observer. Light emitted from inside the horizon can never reach the observer, and anything that passes through the horizon from the observer's side is never seen again."

Posted by: george at February 25, 2008 07:12 AM

I think I need to hear audio of the official flush before I can come up with any new ideas.

Posted by: An Creon at February 25, 2008 07:12 AM

The shatner is shattastic.
so is the rear sneeze...
Perhaps The Shatner rear sneeze? or is that going too far?

Posted by: Xiledsavior at February 25, 2008 07:13 AM

SHITHAMMER FROM VALHALLA.


Fuckin' epic, right?

Posted by: Fred at February 25, 2008 07:23 AM

The Border- as in better make a run for.

Posted by: Iris at February 25, 2008 07:24 AM

Fresh downloads on to Steve's "i-pot"

(Not STEVE JOB'S ipot.. though watch out for next year's model being thinner and lighter than ever.)

I like "The Poop Ledge"

Posted by: Brian at February 25, 2008 07:25 AM

Cleaveland steamer express? Evokes a train, cause you know it slides sown the drain like a silent choo choo train.......

Posted by: QT314159265 at February 25, 2008 07:27 AM

I LOVE Hurricaine Latrina

Posted by: qt314159265 at February 25, 2008 07:28 AM

The Spackler.

Posted by: KC at February 25, 2008 07:28 AM

Charles.

Posted by: SHadey at February 25, 2008 07:29 AM


The Joe Bucket

Kevin

Posted by: the chief at February 25, 2008 07:29 AM

I like:
Senor Burrito-completo
Lord Shattington
William Shatner or The Shatner

You could take a page from Greenpeace:
http://www.boingboing.net/2007/11/26/mr-splashy-pants-in.html
Mr. Splashy Pants

Posted by: Jamie at February 25, 2008 07:30 AM

I vote for Xanadu, Lord Shattington, and Deep Blue although it looks like it's going to be William Shatner by a landslide.

Posted by: CortJstr at February 25, 2008 07:30 AM

My grandmother used to refer to her chamber pot as the "THUNDER MUG."

I think "thunder mug" has genuine old-time-elegance, n'est-ce pas?

I would also proffer: "The Executive"


My favorites previously submitted are:

"The Pensive"

"The Shatner"

Posted by: Kerry at February 25, 2008 07:33 AM

The "Turd Hearse"

The "Down & Outhouse"

"Starbucks"

Vote for Shatoon and Ft. Clog

Posted by: Loren Ipsum at February 25, 2008 07:38 AM

http://www.flickr.com/photos/whatwhat/91374586/

Posted by: Brian at February 25, 2008 07:38 AM

Ok I've got a few here.

1. The Foundation
- Mr.Show once referred to shit as "foundation" and it stuck with me as an original poop word. Also, you could say that you are making a donation to The Foundation. It's classy, but whimsical in the way it rhymes.

2. Champion Lotecki, Supernatural Being
- Just a fantastic name for anything really. I believe I first heard it as the name of a dog that won the big annual dog show.

3. Mr. Brownstone

4. The Misadventures of Professor Oliver Orion Prescott, in the 22nd Century
- as in, "My dear, I'm off to continue 'The Misadventures of Professor Oliver Orion Prescott, in the 22nd Century'.

enjoy

Posted by: Jason at February 25, 2008 07:42 AM

Pronounced: Shuh-Tead

Spelled: Shithead

Posted by: Dmatos at February 25, 2008 07:45 AM

the Abyss

or

Hippo Trap 3000

Posted by: Chessie at February 25, 2008 07:47 AM

OK.. Here is the winner:


Ashton Kutcher


Iknow, I know, pure brilliance!

Posted by: Steve Carter at February 25, 2008 07:48 AM

Bohemian Crapsody

Posted by: Jilly at February 25, 2008 07:48 AM

The Commodore.

You're welcome.

Posted by: Dan at February 25, 2008 07:50 AM

For the wooden seat, I'd like to offer "Bran Mountain."

For your colored plastic seat - one of those nice puffy ones with an embroidered butterfly on it - "Golden streams."

And I'd like to vote for "Gus."

Posted by: Bil Browning at February 25, 2008 07:50 AM

The Oval Office! = best name suggested so far.

Posted by: a at February 25, 2008 07:54 AM

I like "Perhaps the Smelltron 2.5" (the whole phrase), as well as "Cheekmuncher," "Unicornucopia," and "Shittoon," although you might want to name it something your son is allowed to say, so I'm going to suggest "Poop Poop Poopy Poop-Poop."

Posted by: Jenkins at February 25, 2008 07:54 AM

Steve carter, wouldn't that be

ass-ton catcher?

Posted by: not steve carter at February 25, 2008 07:55 AM

hey! hey! i cast my vote for "The Shatner" and it's official pronunciation with the added grunt!

Posted by: alex at February 25, 2008 07:55 AM

Wow. "Bran Mountain" (bran-mountin'?) is really good, too. I missed that one.

Posted by: Jenkins at February 25, 2008 07:55 AM

the bile duct

Posted by: matt at February 25, 2008 07:56 AM

Bran Mountain is awesome.

Posted by: steele at February 25, 2008 07:59 AM

Senor Sucio Sanchez...

trans: Mr. Dirty Sanchez

Posted by: matt at February 25, 2008 07:59 AM

My suggestion:
YouTube

My favorites so far:
Big Hungry Joe
The Shatner

Posted by: J.R. Jenks at February 25, 2008 08:02 AM

ben affleck

Posted by: king shit at February 25, 2008 08:02 AM

Custer

Posted by: Travis J. Broyles, Esq. at February 25, 2008 08:07 AM

My Favorites (in no particular order)

Lord Shattington
The Event Horizon
The Dream Catcher

Posted by: unimom at February 25, 2008 08:09 AM

Southerly Winds

Posted by: Drew at February 25, 2008 08:09 AM

"Brown County Chopper"

"Lower Decker"

Posted by: Loren Ipsum at February 25, 2008 08:13 AM

I think Shatner's going to take it.

Poop Depot.

Posted by: APT at February 25, 2008 08:14 AM

i like "shitoon" very much and also my proposed names:

the "dirty bubbler"

and "frothy minx"

Posted by: mandy at February 25, 2008 08:15 AM

Disemboweler

Casa de numero dos

Lincoln Log Cabin

Fudge Factory

Scooby Doo Doo

Peanut Gallery

Ja Rule

Deuce Bigalow

Posted by: Novaglarion at February 25, 2008 08:16 AM

You've got kids, so I'd like to think you want a non-profane name for the toilet. Here's my suggestion: The Poo Master 5000 It's classy, yet edgy and of course, kid friendly!

Posted by: vmorgs at February 25, 2008 08:20 AM

"The Mirage" --
Sorry I pooped on the floor, honey! The toilet turned out to be a mirage!

Posted by: C at February 25, 2008 08:24 AM

Going with the Scottish theme, I thought of good old Uncle Scrooge McDuck. So how about:

Squeeze McDook

"I have to go visit my uncle, Squeeze McDooky"

Posted by: Trint at February 25, 2008 08:28 AM

The Squeeze

Posted by: grimace at February 25, 2008 08:29 AM

LOL... the Squeeze. That's funny.

Posted by: C at February 25, 2008 08:31 AM

Das Turd.

The prize should involve either The Tree Brains or Bacon. Or both. (Tree Bacon?)

Posted by: Yaanu at February 25, 2008 08:34 AM

you've gooot to name it marcel duchamp! (for those unfamiliar duchamp took a urinal, turned it upside down, signed it with a fake name (R. Mutt) and submitted it to a fine art gallery). he'd be proud to have a toilet named after him. or perhaps r mutt.

Posted by: meredith at February 25, 2008 08:35 AM

Judy the Booty Lover

Sir Thomas Crapper the XIV

Uncle Larry

Lotty Dotty (We Likes to) Potty

Hugh Jazz (not original, I know, but appropriate)

ASHanti

Posted by: Sleepless Mama at February 25, 2008 08:37 AM

"Memories"

Posted by: Pags at February 25, 2008 08:37 AM

Would you pretty please have a little nameplate inscribed to attach to the toilet somwhere? That'd make it even more awesome. And they only cost like ten bucks to have a sticky nameplate engraved at a trophy shop.

My suggestion:
Nuts 'N' Chews
or
The Blowhole

Posted by: Jen at February 25, 2008 08:41 AM

I too am in the midst of a bathroom reno, well, in the midst of agreeing with my wife about what she likes in a bathroom.
The highlight of the reno and the reason I'm leaving things in her oh so capable hands is our new toilet. For some reason I laugh every time I see it and every time she mentions our Wall Hung toilet to a friend. I'm thinking of getting some sort of prosthesis to hang off the base and branding it the Well Hung toilet.

Thanks for proving me right that its not "a stupid idea" to name your toilet.

Posted by: Stevie Havoc at February 25, 2008 08:43 AM

Isn't it obvious, it should be called:

Chuck Berry

Posted by: someother_steve at February 25, 2008 08:43 AM

I think Big Hungry Joe and New Jersey are the best so far, but if we're gonna go with the Scottish theme, there's really only one name the toilet can have...

Sean Connery

Posted by: Drew at February 25, 2008 08:46 AM

Half #1, Half #2, Half not good with fractions.

Posted by: perlwizard at February 25, 2008 08:48 AM

Corporate titles:

PooTube

SteakBack OutHouse

Bowl XP

Posted by: Spork3000 at February 25, 2008 08:49 AM

The Belvedere.

Posted by: Aldo at February 25, 2008 08:50 AM

"the squeeze" is a winner!

Posted by: Jeroenemans at February 25, 2008 08:51 AM

my dad calls our the "Splatter Catcher 9000" but my vote goes to the "Senator" cause just like them, the toilet will be full of shit as well.

Posted by: Tyler Durden at February 25, 2008 08:54 AM

Holy Crapper

Posted by: Celes at February 25, 2008 08:54 AM

Crap Trap

Posted by: evan at February 25, 2008 08:55 AM

"The Queen Mother"

Posted by: Amelia at February 25, 2008 08:55 AM

"Scatmandu" - A nice tribute to Bob Seger.

Posted by: Jessica at February 25, 2008 08:57 AM

"Roseanna" from Toto.

Posted by: David_E at February 25, 2008 09:02 AM

How about The Moment of Truth?

Posted by: Crystal at February 25, 2008 09:02 AM

"Hurricane Latrina" is very clever.

my contribution:

The Turd'n'ator 500

Posted by: damama at February 25, 2008 09:04 AM

Gus is hilarious and gets my vote

Also a toilet named Bill Cosby would rock

Posted by: waylan at February 25, 2008 09:09 AM

BIG HUNGRY JOE!
BIG HUNGRY JOE!
If not, The squeeze is brilliant and I like Shatner as well.

Posted by: Stone at February 25, 2008 09:12 AM

The Squeeze gets my vote. pure genius.

Posted by: Stevie Havoc at February 25, 2008 09:14 AM

H.R. Flushnstuf

Posted by: compton at February 25, 2008 09:14 AM

Santa Maria

The Magellan

The Crusader

Savannah

Jackie Brown

Tarsus

Posted by: Aaron at February 25, 2008 09:14 AM

The Executive Lounger.

Posted by: Steve Otis at February 25, 2008 09:14 AM

"The Butt Hole"

Posted by: j at February 25, 2008 09:16 AM

Rosanna:

All I wanna do when I wake up in the morning is take a poo....Rosanna, Rosanna.

Posted by: Strode at February 25, 2008 09:16 AM

The "Trans-incontinental"

Posted by: Thomas at February 25, 2008 09:18 AM

I LOLd at "Amber Waves" so I think I'll second that one.

Posted by: Greg at February 25, 2008 09:19 AM

I came across this link several years ago and, whenever the conversion turns to that that of toilet-talk, I can't help but mention the Great John. It's a toilet for "larger" people...and the website is actually pretty hilarious. Words do it no justice, though...just have a look at the satisfied couple on this page:

http://www.greatjohn.com/grjodi.html

So I vote that you bypass this "standard" toilet crap (pardon the pun) and go straight for the Great John!

Posted by: DarthJay at February 25, 2008 09:20 AM

OFFICIAL VOTE:

"Event Horizon"


HONOURABLE MENTION:

"Hurricane Latrina"

Posted by: rich at February 25, 2008 09:21 AM

Dale.

Posted by: Tim Brewer at February 25, 2008 09:21 AM

nelson totally wins with new jersey.

Posted by: diana at February 25, 2008 09:22 AM

The Log Cabin

Posted by: Rob at February 25, 2008 09:25 AM

If you're not down with the "Great John" idea, you could always just call your toilet:

The Superbowl.

(Of course, the Browns would play everytime)

Posted by: DarthJay at February 25, 2008 09:28 AM

My grandparents used to live in a really old farmhouse. I think it was built before indoor plumbing b/c they had a flaming toilet. Seriously. You closed the lid and the contents would burst into flames. Deal with THAT at 3 years-old.
Anyway, the name doesn't fit here, but it's actual name is too precious not to share.

The Destroylet

Posted by: Matt Z at February 25, 2008 09:29 AM

Crud Guzzler

Posted by: Matthew at February 25, 2008 09:33 AM

"The grunt'n plop"

Posted by: Dave at February 25, 2008 09:33 AM

I like "Oval Office"

How 'bout:

Commode-O-Dragon
Judge Dooty
Cleveland
Thigh Master

Cheers

Posted by: Ronnie with an R at February 25, 2008 09:34 AM

The Poop-o-Porium

Posted by: Admiral John at February 25, 2008 09:34 AM

The Porcelain Patsy
Bowl-O-Rama
The Cake Gobbler
Phi Beta Crappa
The Immaculate Throne of Morning Reflection
Defecate-Con 1


I wouldn't be displeased with The Shatner, either, tho. ;)

Posted by: Nicole at February 25, 2008 09:36 AM

"The Event Horizon"
LOL!

Posted by: Liz at February 25, 2008 09:37 AM

"harry potty" anyone?
no?
ok, fine.

Posted by: j at February 25, 2008 09:37 AM

My entry: Old Yeller

My vote: Event Horizon

Honorable mention: William Shatner

Posted by: juggernaut73 at February 25, 2008 09:38 AM

where can i get an exploding firey toilet? seriously someone tell me? I don't even want to know what happened when your pets died in that house....

Posted by: xs at February 25, 2008 09:41 AM

The Log Jam

Posted by: skst at February 25, 2008 09:43 AM

I was watching something about a murder in Carrollton yesterday..
Anyway, Captain's Log? Credit goes to the William Shatner people.

Posted by: David at February 25, 2008 09:44 AM

Saboteur
Buttholster
Poorifier
Fecalator
Aquachucker
Assinerator
Bottomfeeder


That is all.

Posted by: Barf at February 25, 2008 09:48 AM

I'm just laughing because the toilet is actually named "Carrollton" because I'm related to this guy>/a>.

Posted by: Atomic Bombshell at February 25, 2008 09:49 AM

It's gotta be Chernobyl. But Casbah is pretty good too...

Posted by: Sean at February 25, 2008 09:53 AM

THE SQUEEZE, I mean, isn't it obvious? It sorta sounds like the sneeze so there you go, no further inquiries needed.......

Posted by: Sid at February 25, 2008 09:54 AM

"Il Dookie"

"Dookie Houser"

Something for the kids, eh...?

the "Dookie Monster"

Posted by: Loren Ipsum at February 25, 2008 09:58 AM

Poo McTurd

Posted by: Tudor at February 25, 2008 10:00 AM

My vote goes to Fox's name in the 5th post: Charybdis.

Posted by: zannebee at February 25, 2008 10:16 AM

How about "Daddy's Twenty Minute Vacation"?

Posted by: Heidi at February 25, 2008 10:24 AM

i vote shatner... but it got me thinkin

there will be poo
no poo for old men
poono
in the valley of poo
poo: the golden age
the diving poo and the butterfly

i could do this all day... or should i say poo

Posted by: zach at February 25, 2008 10:26 AM

Tainted Love

Posted by: chado at February 25, 2008 10:28 AM

Private Reflections

Posted by: Maddox at February 25, 2008 10:30 AM

The Spud Removal Machine

Posted by: Stevie B. at February 25, 2008 10:35 AM

In my family, we used to call the bathroom the "Poopatorium." As in, "Don't bother daddy, he's studying really hard in the Poopatorium right now."

Posted by: Jen at February 25, 2008 10:36 AM

Holy shit (no pun - really) - there are a lot of great name to choose from. My votes are:

1. The Shatner
2. Arserenity
3. McCrapper

Posted by: JillianJigs at February 25, 2008 10:39 AM

Scat-o-lux

Posted by: dollar99 at February 25, 2008 10:41 AM

Gotta love dumpy 500.

Posted by: Kaula at February 25, 2008 10:42 AM

-Judge Pooty
-The Wasteland

-The Sawmill - as in "Gotta go drop off some logs at the sawmill"

-The Time Machine - because time seems to stand still or sometimes you come out and it's a different day.

Posted by: shagsak at February 25, 2008 10:42 AM

So I only had the stamina to read halfway through all the comments, but my favorites were

Toilet (mostly because of Justin's reflection)
The Shitoon
Pearl Harbor
Auntie BM
The Crapperjack
and New Jersey. Who can resist mocking New Jersey? Or, for that matter, taking a shit in it?

Posted by: Hannah at February 25, 2008 10:44 AM

The Throne of Reason

ThinkerStinker

Bessy

Concentrated Evil Eliminator

Posted by: Jessica at February 25, 2008 10:44 AM

Mitch Hedberg mentioned "Catch 22" but I think "Catch #2" would be appropriate. I LOVE Hurricane Latrina!

Posted by: Victoria at February 25, 2008 10:53 AM

...a variation on "the Shatner"...

simply "William Shatner", with a "Beam me Down" lid.

Fire Photon Torpedoes!

Posted by: kensey at February 25, 2008 10:55 AM

The Lumbermill.

As in, "I've gotta go to work at The Lumbermill." or "It's going to be a late day. I've got to put in some overtime at The Lumbermill."

Posted by: Tom at February 25, 2008 10:58 AM

RTS - Return to Sender
"Steve Don't Flush That!"
Small Pet Disposal
Full Moon
The Goddess - worship at her feet


I also really like "Shatner" and "Event Horizon," but the Stargate also works really well.

Posted by: Starhawk55 at February 25, 2008 11:00 AM

I've always been partial to "Crapper"

Posted by: Zclone at February 25, 2008 11:02 AM

the event horizon
casbah
gus
assfrica

in descending order of amazing.

Posted by: email at February 25, 2008 11:04 AM

ground zero

Posted by: Dan at February 25, 2008 11:11 AM

Shit Bukkit

Crap Catcher

Posted by: ovisebdan at February 25, 2008 11:12 AM

My Suggestion: Dorothy (Dorothy and Toto just go together) The full characters name is Dorothy Gale which is good too.

Or maybe The whizzer of Oz?? (stupid I know)

My Vote: The Event Horizon (very clever)

Honerable mentions: Xanadu (haha), The squeeze, shitoon, and of course, Gus

The Shatner is funny too but I hope it doesn't win

Posted by: J.P. at February 25, 2008 11:13 AM

I love Latrina... but my contribution is

The Pee Brain

Posted by: Jill at February 25, 2008 11:17 AM

I suggest: Jeremy.

Posted by: ThomasH at February 25, 2008 11:20 AM

"The Yellow Brick Road"

Posted by: J.P. at February 25, 2008 11:20 AM

My vote goes to "The Shatner"

Runners up:
Shitoon
H.R. Flushnstuf
Assfrica

Posted by: messyj at February 25, 2008 11:21 AM

dianetics (the original container of crap)

Posted by: josh at February 25, 2008 11:21 AM

I dont know why- But I think you should name it after a Pokemon, or a godzilla monster.

"King Ghidorah"
"Charizard"
"Gastly"
"Hedorah"

or give it a humorous name
"The Doody Honker"

or something nonsensical like
"Heat and Chaos"
"Cafe Le Chapeau"
or "The Goonies"

Posted by: SerialPsychosis at February 25, 2008 11:22 AM

Well.. It's hard to name something without knowing it, I didn't name my cats for a while and just let them earn their names (they wound up being Bozo and Gravy). So what do we know about toilets? Well We know they are always there for you. Be it trouble down below at 3am or just the standard morning drop off, they're there, working around the clock 24/365.25. Like man's best friend, faithful... Loyal..

So here are some names that mean faithful/loyal or some synonym thereof.

Truman - Loyal Man
Taka - Dutiful
Enoch - Devoted; Dedicated

Another is Tua which means Behind. Which works on so many levels.

No matter what you choose to name your new pal I'm sure the relationship between man and seat will be a strong one.

Posted by: Josh at February 25, 2008 11:26 AM

"The Porcelain Express"

finding nemo, anyone?

Posted by: Kelly at February 25, 2008 11:30 AM

Assfrica is a winner. I also propose:
Crapcruncher
Poo de toilette
Doodet (pronounced like bidet)
Duke of Dooks

Posted by: E at February 25, 2008 11:30 AM

Assfrica - classic


Catcher of the Rye?


Ps This shit is FUNNY.

Posted by: cd at February 25, 2008 11:36 AM

A few more:

Whizzkid
Urine Luck
Poops of Hazard
Dookies of Hazard
Dook of Hurl
Stank McCloggsalott
One Oppapoo-nity (ala Eminem)
2 poos in a cup
Dawson's Crack

Posted by: E at February 25, 2008 11:42 AM

The "Kaplunker"

Posted by: Eric at February 25, 2008 11:46 AM

"Plumber's Nightmare"

Not only because you will be using it, but because your son has a tendency to flush other things down.

Posted by: Robyn at February 25, 2008 11:51 AM

I suggest "Poop Deck"

You can adopt pirate speak just before and after you go. Maybe even holler "Shiver me timbers!" during, if it's a moving moment.

Posted by: Sarah at February 25, 2008 11:51 AM

das Führer

Posted by: Amanda at February 25, 2008 11:52 AM

"The Enameled Shit Throat"

Posted by: Ken at February 25, 2008 11:53 AM

I am duty-bound to think up at least one, but I don't think I can outdo Shatner. HR Flush'n Stuff is also hilarious!

The Inbox.

Posted by: Rob Cockerham at February 25, 2008 11:54 AM

Dolly Farton

Posted by: E at February 25, 2008 11:58 AM

Cleveland Steamer

Posted by: Mark at February 25, 2008 12:01 PM

The Excremate

Posted by: Rom at February 25, 2008 12:09 PM

My boyfriend and I thought it over and we've got:

The Ring of Fire
The RoseBowl
The Porcelain Pissant
Turdtastic
The Colostomizer
Margaret Barebottom
iCrap
Burrito Graveyard
Fecal Fountain
Shitstain Springs
Corn Carousel
The Park-and-Go
The Tax Refund

more when we think of them

My favorite so far: Lord Shattington

Posted by: Beach at February 25, 2008 12:14 PM

"Big Mac"

Works with the scottish theme, as well as what will inevitably send you running there. Also, notice the initials.... Coincidence?

Posted by: JJ at February 25, 2008 12:16 PM

Turd Cutter Gutter

Posted by: Pete at February 25, 2008 12:20 PM

Porcelain Paris Island

Posted by: Frost at February 25, 2008 12:23 PM

How 'bout

bLOG Site
Oval Office

Feces Facilitator

If those don't gain support, I'd throw my vote in for Hurricane Latrina,

William Shatner would be my second vote. If someone came over to use the 'john' you could say you didn't have one, but the "Bill" is down the hall second door on the right!

Jon

Posted by: Jon at February 25, 2008 12:24 PM

The Turd Goblin

The Poop Burglar

Posted by: pete at February 25, 2008 12:28 PM

Captain Crapper

then when you flush you say, "take it away, captain!" and you can salute if you so desire.

you know,
it's just you and the cap'n makin it happen.

Posted by: wüt at February 25, 2008 12:29 PM

Let's go with a manly theme, like cars.

How about the BMW S-Class.?

That stands for Bowel Movement Washer. I think the S is self-explanatory.

Posted by: Adam at February 25, 2008 12:31 PM

The Forget Me Not

or

Gentle Caress

Posted by: Lanko at February 25, 2008 12:32 PM

"Ass-ton Catcher" - A variation of Ashton Kutcher, whose acting ability is in the toilet...

Posted by: CT at February 25, 2008 12:35 PM

whoever wrote Diablo Cody, that's pretty good

However my suggestion is: Mike Holmgren

Posted by: gary at February 25, 2008 12:37 PM

Lord Xenu

Posted by: K-Palm at February 25, 2008 12:37 PM

or Turd Ferguson, that's a good name for a toilet.

Posted by: gary at February 25, 2008 12:38 PM

"Dirty Harry" or "Dirty Hairy"

Posted by: Chris at February 25, 2008 12:41 PM

"the pearly throne of justice"

instead of the classic "John" maybe "Jean-Claude" or "Jean-Pierre"

and of course you could go with the always hilarious "your mom" or "your face" -"i have to go take a poo on your mom", "i've been sitting on your face all morning"

Posted by: madi at February 25, 2008 12:42 PM

pudding cup

log ride

poop shoot

assplasher

cold comfort

shooting range (or shitting range if you will)

target practice

Posted by: jam at February 25, 2008 12:46 PM

Crespo

Posted by: Yterbium at February 25, 2008 12:48 PM

Unicornicopia and the dream catcher are my favorites.

I dont have any ideas at all but id like to share that when my friends and i need to take a shit we usually say " imma gonna take out the trash"
speaking of shit LOLOL

"The Brick Catcher" could be a nice one..
like shitting bricks lawlawl

Posted by: caassiee! at February 25, 2008 12:49 PM

The "Pasta Factory"

Posted by: Tim at February 25, 2008 12:54 PM

I've always called all my toilets by the same name:

Trigger.

And I'm serious about my toilet. I can only "eliminate" properly into "home waters" so to speak.

Strange toilets make me nervous for some reason.

Posted by: John at February 25, 2008 12:56 PM

Kenny Logg-ins.

Posted by: Sarah at February 25, 2008 12:59 PM

The Altar.

see the wiki definition ... strangely appropriate.

"An altar is any structure upon which sacrifices or other offerings are offered for religious purposes, or some other sacred place where ceremonies take place."

By proxy the bathroom as a whole can become The Temple.

Posted by: Stevie Havoc at February 25, 2008 01:03 PM

The Beefeater
The Eliminator
Montezuma

Posted by: T at February 25, 2008 01:04 PM

The Event Horizon, Xanadu, Mount Olympus, or Valhalla are my votes... in that order. It totally need an extravagant name.

Posted by: Jon at February 25, 2008 01:05 PM

I had to collect a poop sample form my dog for the vet, only they insisted on calling it a sequel.

Number 2 The Sequel

Posted by: Bobby Hay at February 25, 2008 01:06 PM

The Throne of Lost Souls
Splash Mountain
Loretta
Gus
the shitoon

My top five.

Posted by: sashaebf at February 25, 2008 01:09 PM

My favorites so far are McCrapper, Shatner, and Event Horizon.

I humbly submit:
"The Blue Track Vortex"

and

"The Optometrist" (who examines your brown eye...)

Posted by: tec at February 25, 2008 01:14 PM

The Squeeze--"Half number one, Half number two, Half not good with fractions"

Can't go past it really

Posted by: Diane at February 25, 2008 01:15 PM

I don't think this one has been mentioned yet, but for all the gamers out there, how about..


Princess Turdstool

Posted by: Jon at February 25, 2008 01:18 PM

The Infected Corn Palace

Posted by: maija at February 25, 2008 01:27 PM

Lethargy.

Posted by: Manda Eskimo at February 25, 2008 01:28 PM

I like combining William Shatner with Rear Sneeze as Xiledsavior said, but it should Shatner's Rear Sneeze, or Shatner's Bottom Sneeze.

I also like Poop Deck or Poop Ledge.

Posted by: The Original Dave at February 25, 2008 01:40 PM

The grand poobah.

Posted by: shannon at February 25, 2008 01:44 PM

BTW I like The Event Horizon, The Confidant, Dream Catcher, The Pensieve and The Squeeze.

Didn't your kids flush some animals down the toilet once? Maybe you should call it The Zoo. But that might encourage them to put more animals into it.

Posted by: maija at February 25, 2008 01:44 PM

Dr. Fill

Posted by: Ru at February 25, 2008 01:48 PM

I haven't seen this one yet, but have always been fond of "The Turd Tank". Simplicity at it's finest!

Posted by: Aceman at February 25, 2008 01:50 PM

The Amy Winehouse Habitat

Posted by: Austin at February 25, 2008 01:53 PM

BWAH HA HA to "Kenworth Hauling Logs" - I loved that song as a kid.

My submissions:

"Stinky Pete" - which your kids might appreciate it if they're "Toy Story" fans

"Mr. Hanky's Home" for South Park fans

"Grandmaster Flush" for rap lovers

Or maybe "Lord of the Rings"

Posted by: Loree at February 25, 2008 02:02 PM

Crapoir

Although my faves from above are:
Gambino & Sons' Lie Detector & Water-Boarding Device
Lord Shattington
Hurricane Latrina
Professor Dumpledore
Brownie Bucket
Pearl Harbor
Shittoon

Posted by: Marcela at February 25, 2008 02:06 PM

I really have to give props to The Squeeze on this. i mean really....that's fantastic. I would also like to submit " The Mad Crapper" in honor of some kid at Boy Scout camp who used to take dumps at random places ( eg. the base of the flag pole, or home plate at the baseball field) in the middle of the night so we would all have nice big steamy suprises the next morning. My Favs thus far: The Squeeze, Lord Shattington, The Shanter, McCrapper, and my own The Mad Crapper

Posted by: Steve...not "THE" Steve at February 25, 2008 02:10 PM

excuse me, The Shatner, sorry

Posted by: Steve...not "THE" Steve at February 25, 2008 02:11 PM

Oh and also, for all those Homestar fans out there
"The Poopsmith"

Posted by: Steve...not "THE" Steve at February 25, 2008 02:14 PM

"the office"
as in, "Honey, I'll be back in a bit, I just need to go to the office"

Posted by: Victoria at February 25, 2008 02:16 PM

Here's a few gems...

Two words: "The Duece"
(Classy yet somehow offensive at the same time. It's perfect.)

-Skid Row

-Steve, Definitley Don't Eat This


Posted by: goldfixe at February 25, 2008 02:19 PM

How about Epsilon (one of the rings of Uranus) no really!
http://solarsystem.nasa.gov/planets/profile.cfm?Object=Uranus&Display=Rings

Posted by: bizzarefall at February 25, 2008 02:22 PM

Rumpkiss

Posted by: Christine at February 25, 2008 02:22 PM

Manscent


Posted by: Eric at February 25, 2008 02:38 PM

Taco Bowl
The Shitake
The Shitake Mushbowl
Lake Sneeze
Sneeze Creek
The Loch-Shit Monster
Lake Baby Ruth
New Jersey
The Loaf Pit
Lake Minipoopah
The Slop Pot
My Sweet Shit Bucket
Putridity
P. Dootie
Turditude
The Turdinator
Shitquairium
Le Tank Du Shit
Crapalodian
The CrapMaster
Bowel Bowl
The Super Bowel
Crap Diddly Doo
Poo Poo McGoo
Piss Poo McGoo
Why me?
Swallow Me Filth
Shit Me Baby!
Shit Me Baby One Time
The Pooper Bowl
**************

Posted by: Rick at February 25, 2008 02:39 PM

The Great Sneeze could settle for no lesser water closet than:

TOTO: the great porcelian god, to whom you must bow in prayer after those "delicious" culinary events.

or some abbreviation thereof, after all that is a bit of a mouthful, in my time I have had John The Great Porcelian God, and 3 incarnations of The Prophet Brent.

Posted by: trentyn at February 25, 2008 02:40 PM

The Gorgeous Gurgler

Posted by: Sean at February 25, 2008 02:42 PM

I could never top some of these. My votes go for "The Event Horizon" (I'm still giggling over that one) and "The Shitoon".

Posted by: Shylah at February 25, 2008 02:43 PM

The Ring of Fire
or
The Poop Coop

Posted by: Allison at February 25, 2008 02:45 PM

i fully support unicornicopia. it has very little to do with toilets, but it just sounds so regal!

Posted by: yessicat at February 25, 2008 02:45 PM

"mount crapatoa" or perhaps "sir smelly mouth" but i would go with a classic.....remember full metal jacket? the best half of a movie ever made? i'd go with that and name it charlene!

Posted by: oxyacetylene at February 25, 2008 02:54 PM

My votes:

1. Gus
2. Shatner
3. the Squeeze

Posted by: Julia at February 25, 2008 02:54 PM

if u do name it charlene btw u could always say..."hey baby i'm going to sit on charlenes' face for a while,tivo this for me! lol

Posted by: oxyacetylene at February 25, 2008 02:57 PM

Gadzooks

Posted by: Max M at February 25, 2008 03:02 PM

Butt Sneeze!

Posted by: Ann at February 25, 2008 03:13 PM

Mr. Splashy

Posted by: marion at February 25, 2008 03:14 PM


The Swallow

Posted by: Sven at February 25, 2008 03:19 PM

How about :
Crap Monger 3000
Bibbity Bobbity Poo
Bowel Bowl
The Evacutrex
The Trudy Bowl

Posted by: Dane Bramage at February 25, 2008 03:20 PM

Jet Propulsion Lavatory

Posted by: maija at February 25, 2008 03:27 PM

The McWhiffaport

Posted by: Claude at February 25, 2008 03:30 PM

Turd Ferguson

Prairie Dog Creek

BTW "Event Horizon" is so totally funny.

Posted by: Liz at February 25, 2008 03:32 PM

bowelwulf

Posted by: tafkajp at February 25, 2008 03:43 PM

My favorite is definitely Dream Catcher. I also really like the Shatner. I also really like all of you guys. This has made my day.

And just to throw it out there, Smashing Poopkins.

Posted by: Brittany at February 25, 2008 03:48 PM

Sir Shitselot.

Pronounced like "Sir Lancelot"

Posted by: joy at February 25, 2008 03:56 PM

i vote for "shatner," "the shitoon," or "charybdis."

but there also could be a good, strong, ship's name, like "the defiant" or "dauntless."

i would also like to share that in cajun creole, what it's called has to do with what you're doing... it's called both the "PISSOIR" and the "SHITTOIR." i mean, that's brillliant.

Posted by: liz at February 25, 2008 03:58 PM

my votes:

1. The DREAMCATCHER
2. The EVENT HORIZON

Posted by: mas tarde at February 25, 2008 04:01 PM

My vote would go towards "Hurricane Latrina" ..

Posted by: Davis at February 25, 2008 04:06 PM

I think you should call it the "Sir Elton John."

But that may just because the local radio station that they stream through my office won't stop playing "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me," and the part where George Michael says "LADIEZ AND GENTLEMEN, SIR ELTON JOHN" absolutely destroys me.

Other than that, I'm a big fan of "The Confidant" and "The Shatner."

Posted by: Heather at February 25, 2008 04:09 PM

"The Shatner" all the way! That comment about making a captain's log was hilarious. Coming up with a name for the toilet is important, but when you already have an awesome line for the act to go with it, you've got a double shot of excellence. One might even say, "Number two with a bullet!" (with apologies to Alf)

Posted by: Rocky at February 25, 2008 04:11 PM

- The Bakery
(for all the loaves you feel compelled to pinch off inside of it).

Posted by: Kelly at February 25, 2008 04:12 PM

The "Crap in Me".

Posted by: Amanda at February 25, 2008 04:16 PM

Ok, all this is great. But the real question is who here is man enough to get a Washlet? Seriously. www.cleanishappy.com You won't regret it.

Posted by: Rob at February 25, 2008 04:22 PM

Booster McCracken

The Ganges

Shite Park

If you haven't already found the perfect toilet seat may I suggest the little number?

http://www.thecamoshop.com/mooakcatose.html

Just think of the possibilities for toilet paper!

The Shatner is awesome!

Posted by: m. at February 25, 2008 04:23 PM

I am partial to Chowder.

Posted by: Theda at February 25, 2008 04:31 PM

my contribution:

Sterculius (Roman god of feces, Beavis and Butthead? Anyone?)

Singularity (nod to event horizon and Black Hole)

iPood

I like from above:

Shittoon
Charybdis

Posted by: Bear at February 25, 2008 04:36 PM

The Porcelain God

(Cos after drinking too much one can pray to this)

Cheers
Robyn

Posted by: Robyn at February 25, 2008 04:45 PM

how about "the bakery"? in high school my cross country coach told us to "pinch a loaf" before the race, so "the bakery" just seemed appropriate.

also, one time my buddy took an extra long time and our coach told him he said pinch a loaf not bake the bread ahhaha

Posted by: Doug at February 25, 2008 05:06 PM

At work we just call it "The Boss", as in "I'm gonna go have a talk with 'The Boss'."

Posted by: Jeff at February 25, 2008 05:06 PM

The Poo Lagoon
Like blue lagoon

Or to go with the scotch thing

Mccrapshanks

Posted by: Isabelle at February 25, 2008 05:09 PM

Princess

Paris Lohan

the Pot-a-nator

Posted by: Miranda at February 25, 2008 05:11 PM

Ralph!

after all, isn't that what you call it whenever you actually speak to it?

Posted by: susan at February 25, 2008 05:11 PM

I looked here because I was amazed there were over 400 comments for naming a freakin' toilet. So I suggest "Britney" in honor of the similar excessive paparazzi attention.

Posted by: billcat at February 25, 2008 05:13 PM

Susan way down there is confused on the origin of the shortened name "Ralph" for puking.... it's "Calling Ralph on the big white telephone"... which doesn't necessarily imply that "Ralph" is the TOILET'S name...

But I digress...

I'd suggest perhaps The Dump Truck... or Francis Ford Crappola.

Posted by: Draith at February 25, 2008 05:20 PM

While growing up, my eldest brother always referred to the toilet as "The Brain". Looking back, I now think it must have been an obscure reference to "The Head". "I have to hit The Brain."

Posted by: Zclone at February 25, 2008 05:23 PM

The Poo Lagoon

Posted by: Pat O'Neil at February 25, 2008 05:23 PM

I fell head over heals for the name "Moon Dancer" after seeing a toilet seat named that.

Posted by: Sarah at February 25, 2008 05:25 PM

Being from Pittsburgh, I like the idea of "Brown's Stadium"

Posted by: Pat O'Neil at February 25, 2008 05:26 PM

The Librarian

Posted by: adrienne at February 25, 2008 05:31 PM

For the movie goers: Flush Gordon
for golfers: Pepple Beach
for bankers: the Shyte Depository


I'm gonn stay up all night until I get one that I'm satisfied with.

Posted by: Pat O'Neil at February 25, 2008 05:37 PM

i go for loretta, its classy, its comfy, but in a trailer park kinda sense. loretta is strong enough to take your shit.

Posted by: lstew at February 25, 2008 05:39 PM

After I took a cruise I began refering to #2 as dropping anchor but I can't think of any good names to go with it. Perhaps the Torpedo Tube? "I have to man the Torpedo. Fire number 2!"

Of the above, Charybdis is the best -- and I highly recommend The Odysey for bathroom reading. The Shatner is also good.

Posted by: Jason at February 25, 2008 05:41 PM

Dr. Poopenstein

Posted by: Ryan at February 25, 2008 05:45 PM

"The whirlwind bollock muncher"

In reference to the manufacturers, Toto. You can name your turds Dorothy.. as in...

"Be right back, I need to go shoot Dorothy in to the Whirlwind Bollock Muncher"

... then you can come out and announce that due to the smell you're "not in Kansas anymore"

Also...

-The Crap Vortex
-The Pebble Dasher
-The Cheek Eater
-The Wishing Well

:-)

~Nate. xxx

Posted by: nate at February 25, 2008 05:47 PM

The Vicar

Posted by: GG at February 25, 2008 05:49 PM

The Growler

Posted by: greg at February 25, 2008 05:50 PM

The poop Monger

Posted by: Pat O'Neil at February 25, 2008 05:51 PM

Poop Cloggy Clogg

Posted by: Pat O'Neil at February 25, 2008 05:54 PM

Betsy.

Posted by: oracle at February 25, 2008 05:54 PM

Well, its seems like the two front-runners in this contest are

William Shatner/The Shatner/Lord Shattington
*side note: I'm including Lord Shattington because its so similar*

and

The Event Horizon

My personal vote goes for "The Event Horizon", despite the fact that i suggested "William Shatner".

If "William Shatner" ends up winning though, we're gonna have to decide on a version. I like the formal "William Shatner" best, mostly because Steve could then name his bathroom "The Bridge" and proceed to say

William Shatner just called me up to The Bridge to discuss some serious business.

Posted by: Austin at February 25, 2008 05:55 PM

Bean Latrine
Poo Loo
Jimmy Hoffa's Grave
Lil Tooter
Visible Corn Depository
Shit Pit

Posted by: Shawna at February 25, 2008 05:55 PM

Baron Von Deucerton

Posted by: Pat O'Neil at February 25, 2008 05:58 PM

Church! Not just for Sundays!

Posted by: Angela Greco at February 25, 2008 05:59 PM

I cast my official votes for
The Squeeze and Event Horizon!

My humble suggestion is:
THE BANK --
"Back in a few minutes honey, I'm off to The Bank to make a deposit..."

:oD

/can't believe someone out there has a paid job naming toilets

Posted by: Annie at February 25, 2008 06:00 PM

Baron Von Deucerton is named after the historical figure of the same name.

picture available

Posted by: Pat O'Neil at February 25, 2008 06:02 PM

sorry, here it is http://www.oneilcentral.com/baron.jpg

Posted by: Pat O'Neil at February 25, 2008 06:03 PM

I've thought more about this and in keeping with the pompous Kohler names, I would like to suggest:

Charlemagne

BTW, they have a bidet named Amaretto (ick!) and a toilet named Persuade (?!).

Posted by: Jason at February 25, 2008 06:03 PM

Good 'ol Billy Shatner was the first name that came to mind, and seems just too good.

Posted by: Wang-fu at February 25, 2008 06:05 PM

Your post has been up for ONE DAY and you've already received 449 comments!? SHIT! I've got no names for your potty...just SHIT! We do loves us some Sneeze, don't we?

Posted by: Anna at February 25, 2008 06:07 PM

The Turd Sanctuary
Shit-a-palooza
Weapon of Ass Destruction

Posted by: Pat O'Neil at February 25, 2008 06:13 PM

the pinch pot

Posted by: ijb at February 25, 2008 06:17 PM

el calgadero?

but I dig the shatner.

Posted by: Melisska at February 25, 2008 06:20 PM

The Charminator

Tina

Major Major Major Major (from Catch-22)

The Turbo-Turd 2000

The Burn

Willy Wonka (and the Chocolate Factory)

Buzz Lightyear (keep it family friendly, for the little guy)

The Shit Shack


Choose wisely :)

Posted by: chelsea at February 25, 2008 06:20 PM

Le Shatteau

Posted by: jennifer at February 25, 2008 06:22 PM

I'm going to suggest Brown's Stadium again. It works on many levels

Posted by: Pat O'Neil at February 25, 2008 06:24 PM

The Dookie Blaster
Fu-man Poo
Finneus J. Wampabum's amazing shit box

Posted by: Pat O'Neil at February 25, 2008 06:29 PM

Depends, really, on how you will use the toilet's name.

--For laughs when your kids say it in public ("Daaaad, I have to go to the ____"):
*The Face
*The Squeeze Box

--Private, sexy talks with toilet:
*[You] Frothy Minx
(Breathe heavily)


--Loudly announcing pending poopscapades/
exhasperating the wife:
*McCrapper
*Poolympus
*Shittoon
*Lord Shattington
*the Cave of Wonders

--Having name embossed in gold leaf/ emblazoned on a plaque:
*Dream Catcher (script font)
*The Event Horizon (a sans serif).


P.S.
To the poor soul who suggested Brutal 850 Pound Bear Rape--fiber much?


Posted by: ele at February 25, 2008 06:38 PM

lets see its a toilet to its sleek and pretty like a women but it deals with "crappy" business like men normally would so it needs to be the name of a manly woman

I would go with Big Bertha

Posted by: Jordan at February 25, 2008 06:41 PM

I must say I have an affinity for the shat variations:

The Shatner
Lord Shattington
Le Shatteau

Let me add Professor Shatmost

Posted by: snabby at February 25, 2008 06:43 PM

trying the celeb angle:

Shittney Smears

Posted by: Pat O'Neil at February 25, 2008 06:46 PM

I asked some experts (3 young gents aged 11, 8, and 6) this question and here's what I got:

The poop eater
The poop swallower
Sir Crapsalot
The poop bus
The poop express
The twin toilets (?)
Mark
Ben
John
(You can see that this exercise degenerated into "let's name a toilet after someone we hate.)

But I still love "The Shatner"

Posted by: Lizardqueen at February 25, 2008 06:52 PM

The Shatner has my vote, but in this case wouldn't it be something like The Shitner?

Anyway, I'm also thinking of The Chosen One, just because you could say "Now, I'm off to take a crap in The Chosen One".

Posted by: Malia at February 25, 2008 06:59 PM

Let me change that to Lady Shatmost

Posted by: snabby at February 25, 2008 06:59 PM

does that come in pink?

Posted by: Pat O'Neil at February 25, 2008 07:00 PM

Butt Reynolds

Posted by: derrick at February 25, 2008 07:18 PM

The Gesundheit

Best. Contest. Ever.

Posted by: Jack in Sydney at February 25, 2008 07:18 PM

I don't think anyone has yet suggested

"Shitty Shitty Bang Bang."

It comes with music. And it may fly.

Posted by: Canuck Jason at February 25, 2008 07:33 PM

Loretta. That is class

"I want to be Loretta!"

Posted by: Laura at February 25, 2008 07:37 PM

Tho' it might be hard to top the actual "Persuade" toilet on the Kohler site (I've linked it to my name below...). I assume (heh, "ass"ume) that it cajoles you into crapping: "Come oooonnnn.... You know you wannna!!"

I'm especially impressed with its "Skirted trapway" which, apparently, "is easy to clean and eliminates potential debris."

Potential debris? Seriously?!?

Posted by: Canuck Jason at February 25, 2008 07:38 PM

Here's my list:

Ben Hur
the Grandview
La Range De Chocolat
Piss Monger
le numéro deux
oceans 1+1
park in rear
porcelain elegance
"the hugh heffner of poop catchers!"
enchanted nights
the vomitorium
john classique
bottom swooner
sundance riding into the brown setting sun
Mr. Bumstein
the return of the fly
Exxon Valdez

Posted by: Derrick at February 25, 2008 07:43 PM

Raoul

Posted by: Allison at February 25, 2008 07:45 PM

Log Swallow

Posted by: dollar99 at February 25, 2008 07:46 PM

Fudge Toilet.

It's our little g-rated f-bomb. And it makes a fine name for the throne.

Posted by: scaffnet at February 25, 2008 07:49 PM

How about "The ARSEnal"?

But if you think that's lame, I really love Butt Reynolds.

Posted by: Paige at February 25, 2008 07:49 PM

I submit: Count Chocula.

My favorite prior posts:
-Pearl Harbor
-New Jersey
-The Event Horizon

Posted by: Jacqueline at February 25, 2008 07:49 PM

The High School Masturbation Chamber-it's what we callt he toilet in our basement.


If you wanted to get fancy
'Porceliena of the Vast Oceans' -inspired by a sp song of the same name.

I didn't read all the comments, so I don't know if anyone already suggested 'The Crapapult'

The unbearable likeness of shitting

Posted by: Jason at February 25, 2008 08:01 PM

seriously, "The Event Horizon" has been the best post so far (at least in my opinion). I have yet to see anyone top it with a more appropriate name.

I suggest we end this and just go with "The Event Horizon".

Posted by: Austin at February 25, 2008 08:05 PM

1. Stenchy Breeze

2. Uranus Moon

3. Jersey Summer

4. Seriously, what's up with New Jersey in summer?

5. Peener Falls

Posted by: babytaxman at February 25, 2008 08:09 PM

Yeah, I'm going to have to agree with Austin. The Event Horizon just tops all.


This thread makes me have to poop.

Posted by: Jason at February 25, 2008 08:10 PM

I would go for a tropical/adventure motif, The Banzai Pipeline

Posted by: George at February 25, 2008 08:11 PM

My toilet in my current house is so incredibly old, the name stamped in it blue block letters ...

"EJECTO"

Posted by: tracy at February 25, 2008 08:16 PM

name it.....Poopopolis

Posted by: Dooley at February 25, 2008 08:22 PM

The porcelain bus. We call it this because when you're throwing up into it, it looks like you're holding the sterring wheel of a bus.

Posted by: Luke at February 25, 2008 08:24 PM

how about "mr. turd's wild ride"?

or, maybe, "the confessional"

Posted by: darrell at February 25, 2008 08:29 PM

george w bush chili bowl......as in "i'm gonna go feed bush some chili!"

Posted by: derrickgott007 at February 25, 2008 08:30 PM

The Shatner

or

Gus

Posted by: echo at February 25, 2008 08:34 PM

Ole Gravy Bowl

The Cauldron of Crap

And my personal favorite - Rasin

Posted by: Will at February 25, 2008 08:35 PM

the clincher

the pincher

oh no she din't!

oh yea she did!

The BK Blaster

Posted by: YOFASE at February 25, 2008 08:39 PM

The Stool Stool

Posted by: sky at February 25, 2008 08:44 PM

Top 5 Votes:

1. Deep Blue
2. Event Horizon
3. Kenny Logg-ins
4. Turtlehead Lake
5. Gus

Posted by: Kat and Dave at February 25, 2008 08:47 PM

The Shit Sandwich

or

The Poo village, Poo Hut, etc. that just has such a jungle vibe to it, don't you want a jungle vibe?

Posted by: Jonny Saunders at February 25, 2008 08:48 PM

Rumpelstiltskin

Posted by: DC at February 25, 2008 09:17 PM

Deja Poo

Posted by: DC at February 25, 2008 09:18 PM

Squatting Tiger, Fecal Dragon
LaDonna
Final Fantasy VII
The Wizard's Workshop

Posted by: EagleHat2000 at February 25, 2008 09:21 PM

The White Tuba

Posted by: DC at February 25, 2008 09:23 PM

Chernobyl

Posted by: theHOG at February 25, 2008 09:27 PM

"The Librarian" is VERY good! I really can see Kohler with a whole line of upscale plumbing fixtures by that name.

"The Shatner" would be their line for the less sophisticated type of client.

8-/

Posted by: damama at February 25, 2008 09:28 PM

duh....

the porcelain throne


as in, hail to the porcelain throne?

yeah, thought so.

Posted by: mack at February 25, 2008 09:29 PM

How 'bout,

Turd Burglar 2000

Dilation Station

Posted by: Al at February 25, 2008 09:30 PM

I have to agree with Turd Ferguson. Its just funny. Perhaps put a sombrero over it as well.

Othewise, the William Shatner can not be beat. Perhaps put a framed 8x10 photo of ol' Will with the quote:

“I'm coming little animal!”
or
“Beyond the rim of the starlight ... ”

Posted by: Shaun at February 25, 2008 09:31 PM

Brunthilda

Posted by: theHOG at February 25, 2008 09:39 PM

La Bamba

just like the song & movie. :)

Posted by: kacie at February 25, 2008 09:48 PM

Really negating the whole 'Wizard of Oz' aspect of Toto -really?

I mean you have "Dorthy" right out of the gate. Not to mention the yellow brick road, and that is without clever wordplay.

Of course we go go more intricate:
The Wiz-ard of OZ
Glenda "The white witch" white bowl...oh nevermind
Munchkinland - "Going to drop a house on Munchkinland"
The Rainbow as in the song "Somewhere over the rainbow."


But barring those the Shatner is pretty clever.

Posted by: Bill "Not Shatner" at February 25, 2008 09:50 PM

Final Fantasy VII!!!!!! hilarious!

Posted by: rich at February 25, 2008 09:55 PM

The Backwards Ass Fountain

Posted by: Alyssa at February 25, 2008 10:03 PM

So Steve, I am an AVID reader and decided to share your antics with my friends.
Oddly enough, I decided to do this in the middle of my coffee house work place. Needless to say they were in tears from laughter and on the verge of being kicked out because of the cacophany of noise from various "HAHA's" to my personal favorite "OOFAAAH".
I just thought I'd let you know that I just earned you about 36 new readers.
Now, pertaining to the toilet thing... In our bathroom here at home, my mom thought it would be nice to put a small christmas tree in our beach themed bathroom. What Christmas has to do with the beach, I don't know either... Either way it's in there, decorated with beach-themed ornaments and such.

I thought it was quite quaint and gave it the cute little name of "Toilet-tree".... Get it? Yeah? No? Toiletry?

Well, I just thought that even if I don't win the toilet naming contest, I could persuade you to get your own toilet tree... maybe we'll start a fad!
If you're lucky, your toilet-tree will grow a brain too and then you could fry and eat it!

Well, to wrap it up.. I think you should call your toilet
"THE MILLENIUM FALCON!"

Yeah, a shitter built for Harrison Ford.

Sincerely,
Kevin Kraus

Posted by: Kevin Kraus at February 25, 2008 10:15 PM

Air Force Bum

Posted by: emily at February 25, 2008 10:36 PM

Despite the great suggestions, I need to offer up a feminine name that the whole family will be comfortable with:

Marylou
(really, Merry Loo!)

On a slightly related side note, our local news channel's weather-lady's name is Mary Loos. Makes me laugh every day.

Posted by: Elvis at February 25, 2008 10:44 PM

I like that Hurricane Latrina suggestion.

I thought something rustic like those company names would do nice:

hollow cove
or
timber point

Posted by: TW at February 25, 2008 11:17 PM

I like Xanadu, Thunder Mug, Event Horizon, and Pearl Harbor the best, out of the above submissions.

Posted by: Ruthie at February 25, 2008 11:57 PM

for those wanting to change The Shatner into the Shitner....Shat is acctually the past term form of shit so it fits supprisingly well...and it proper english it is "I have shat" not "I took a shit"

Shatner...genius

Posted by: Jason the Argonaught at February 26, 2008 12:07 AM

1. I vote for "Event Horizon". It is classy and evocative.

2. I can't believe I'm helping someone name their shame disposer.

Posted by: Lawrence at February 26, 2008 12:12 AM

The Bermuda Bowl

Posted by: SFLegend at February 26, 2008 03:23 AM

Porcelain Heaven

Posted by: James at February 26, 2008 03:52 AM

"The drop zone" As in "I got a jumper in the door"

Posted by: Dave at February 26, 2008 04:00 AM

From a UK point of view, "Thunderbox" is an accurate, yet reserved choice.

Posted by: James at February 26, 2008 04:52 AM

The White Cliffs of Doo-Doo Dover.

Posted by: torgeaux at February 26, 2008 04:56 AM

Turd Burgler

Posted by: Krista at February 26, 2008 05:15 AM

OK, I stopped reading at around comment #350, but if you're going to call it the Shatner and hang a picture of Bill then the obvious quote to go underneath the picture is:

"To boldly go...".

Posted by: Mark at February 26, 2008 05:23 AM

i second "the shitoon" and "lord shattington" and "the squeeze"

but my favorite is probably gus, mostly because i dont think it was actually made as a suggestion.

Posted by: jill at February 26, 2008 05:28 AM

Flush Wooshington

Posted by: chris at February 26, 2008 05:31 AM

Evacuation Station

Oh, and I can't resist.... why is pooh tapered?

So your bum doesn't slam shut!

rofl, I kill myself sometimes!!!!

Posted by: Tracey at February 26, 2008 05:41 AM

'Le Sheeze' ftw

Posted by: jon at February 26, 2008 05:59 AM

Ole' smeller

loving the oval office and the turd burgalur as well, consider turd burgalur is one of my favourite innsults.

Posted by: Matt from Ireland at February 26, 2008 06:27 AM

My best friend Uncle Carl's prosthetic knee cap

Posted by: Tim at February 26, 2008 06:28 AM

The Poo Engine?

Posted by: Andy at February 26, 2008 06:39 AM

Ones and twosies big ol' doosies

Posted by: Bob at February 26, 2008 06:39 AM

Wee Wee McPoopulator

The first "wee" meaning "small"...the second "wee" meaning "wee"

Posted by: Matt at February 26, 2008 06:46 AM

My top five:

Lord Shattington
Big Hungry Joe
Amber Waves
The Commodore
The Oval Office

Posted by: T at February 26, 2008 06:55 AM

Bob

(ps--I vote for Event Horizon)

Posted by: catloaf at February 26, 2008 07:20 AM

The Throne of Lost Souls is my personal favourite. It seems far too macabre for something you crap into.

Posted by: Dylan at February 26, 2008 07:34 AM

Poop Shoot

you might enjoy this too. A brief history of the western style toilet
http://mystrugglewithdebt.com/?p=40

Posted by: Chris at February 26, 2008 07:38 AM

The Tidy Bowl Cave.
"I have to go deliver some brown parcels to the Tidy Bowl man"


or

Lair of the Sea-Pickle

Which is of course where you go to "Launch the Sea-Pickle"


Possibly

Nessie's Puddle
"I got to go feed Nessie"

Posted by: Eddie at February 26, 2008 07:42 AM

The Fortress of Solitude

Posted by: Adam at February 26, 2008 07:42 AM

The Misadventures of Professor Oliver Orion Prescott, in the 22nd Century


Honorable mentions for:
Event Horizon
The Dreamcatcher
The Librarian

Anti-vote for:
William Shatner

Posted by: Not Jason at February 26, 2008 07:42 AM

George Bush's Brain

Posted by: Carsten at February 26, 2008 07:44 AM

The Executive.

Posted by: James at February 26, 2008 07:48 AM

"Turd Furguson"

or

"The Turd Burgler"

Posted by: Greg at February 26, 2008 08:01 AM

I still vote
Assfrica.

I also like
Deja Poo
Dookies of Hazard

Posted by: E at February 26, 2008 08:05 AM

The Tree-"Log" Brain.

It could also be a new instrument for our awesome non-existant band.

I got dibs on the Tree-"Log" Brain. I think the plop plop would add a nice little background sound to the terrific songs we don't play.

Posted by: Erin at February 26, 2008 08:11 AM

I like Charybdis as above, and also Shatner and Pearl Harbor.

However, my suggestion is on the heels of Greenpeace's very popular whale name: Mr. Splashy Pants. Think about it.... Riiight.

Posted by: Nim at February 26, 2008 08:13 AM

And what's up with all the New Jersey references? Please be more specific...The only thing in NJ thats smells like that of a toilet is the Turnpike, not the whole state.

Posted by: Erin at February 26, 2008 08:15 AM

The Deuce Caboose!!

Posted by: Adan at February 26, 2008 08:17 AM

I vote for turdie.
The toliet can then be "turdi-licous" so they'd be lineing down the block just to watch your turd drop.

Posted by: lesley at February 26, 2008 08:17 AM

Pambarskelfir

It's hard to say but I you'll have pleanty of time sitting there trying to say it.

Einarr Pambarskelfir, a legendary Icelandic archer
especially known for his powerful bow work, carried the
nickname "Superfarter," according to Scandinavian medieval studies
expert Anatoly Liberman.

Posted by: NellBot at February 26, 2008 08:26 AM

My vote: Dookie Monster!!!

Posted by: Jen at February 26, 2008 08:52 AM

POOPMASTERFLASH

Posted by: WENDY at February 26, 2008 08:58 AM

Rev. Al Sharpton's family pool

Posted by: Tanat at February 26, 2008 09:00 AM

Thunderdome

Posted by: Gillian at February 26, 2008 09:04 AM

"Blowjo's lagoon"

The "Blumpkin Patch"

You could also write on the top "Abandon all hope ye who enter."

Thats all I have for now.

Posted by: Pete at February 26, 2008 09:04 AM

from my bookshelf:

The Great Gatsby
Heart of Darkness
Watership Down

But I really like Pearl Harbor and The Shatner.

I'd really like to think of a Harry Potter themed name so that every time you took a shit you could shout, "Twenty points for Gryffindor!"

Posted by: Emily at February 26, 2008 09:07 AM

How about "Torpedo Runs"?

Posted by: Marc at February 26, 2008 09:13 AM

I didn't read them all, so apologies for repeating:

The Steamer Trunk


Lake Pooperior, Hurine, Shit-agin (Tittykaka might be pushing it, no?)


The Fecal's Nest


Keister Island


The Shite House


Smelton John


Posted by: Murf at February 26, 2008 09:19 AM

Pissandra

Official Title:

"Pissandra: A Commode"

Posted by: kevin s. at February 26, 2008 09:24 AM

Sheebray (French pronunciation of Shitbreath)

Posted by: babytaxman at February 26, 2008 09:33 AM

"Morning Rains" or " The Eternal Struggle"

Posted by: Spelt666 at February 26, 2008 09:41 AM

L. Ron Hubbard

Posted by: Blue Duck at February 26, 2008 09:41 AM

How about Crapfordshire?

Say it with a British accent. It lends it a sense of decadence

Posted by: Nicki the Heinous at February 26, 2008 09:43 AM

Decadence is good too

Posted by: Nicki the Heinous at February 26, 2008 09:44 AM

the Scat Cave

Posted by: Pat at February 26, 2008 09:52 AM

Fun Park theme: The Log Flume

Ball Park theme: The Dugout

The Sneeze theme: The Fart...Half pee. Half pooh. Half not good with abc's or 123's.

Small Child in the House theme: The Happy Time Poopy Chair

Newspaper theme: The Daily Constitutional...or Constipational, I can't decide

Magazine theme: The Cosmopoopington

Aristocrat theme: The Rockapooper Center

Big Business theme: The Deluxe Continental Turd Receptical

Religious themes: I must go with the above...The Holy Grail

Romantic theme: The Turd Barge...where every voyage is exciting and new!

I tried to keep in mind that you have small children like me, whom I assume find pooh just hilarious, like mine, so in keeping with that, my 8 yr old and I agree that some sort of reference to George W. from above is most apropos and histerical as well.

Posted by: jj at February 26, 2008 10:11 AM

I like the "lord shattington" or " event horizon"

My would be "The Duke"

Posted by: Alan at February 26, 2008 10:13 AM

Of course the best name is: Crapper Keeper.

Posted by: carl at February 26, 2008 10:18 AM

How about

THE WHIRLING TURDISH!

Posted by: Tres at February 26, 2008 10:18 AM

Well I thought I would cast my votes in no particular order;

Shatner
The Event Horizon
The Fartess of Solidpoo
Flush Gordon
Dookie Houser

Posted by: Dane Bramage at February 26, 2008 10:19 AM

favs that are not mine:
The Shatner
The Event Horizon
The Log Cabin

and my own:
The Log Flume :D

Posted by: someother_steve at February 26, 2008 10:24 AM

Voices from the Rear.

Posted by: Brita at February 26, 2008 10:43 AM

Splash Gordung?

Posted by: crabbydad at February 26, 2008 10:47 AM

the ass engager

ceramic crap container

Posted by: travis at February 26, 2008 10:53 AM

The Mad Spatter

Posted by: howard at February 26, 2008 11:01 AM

Riley O' Dooks

Posted by: Bred at February 26, 2008 11:03 AM

I deposit all my crap to........... file 13

Posted by: nachaholic at February 26, 2008 11:21 AM

American Savings and Loan


or


Ukrainean Summer Breeze

Posted by: Ashley at February 26, 2008 11:22 AM

Even though this is buried deep, I want to mention that steve got a shout in the comments for the Onion's version of SDET.

Very first one www.avclub.com/content/feature/taste_test_cheeseburger_in_a

I was much more looking forward to Steve (not) eating it...

Posted by: Arkonbey at February 26, 2008 11:22 AM

Lake Shittikaka

Posted by: Brad Polley at February 26, 2008 11:28 AM

I have a couple, depending on what kind of image you want for your toilet.

If you want a powerful, almost epic-norse-god-like title, I think you should consider The Devourer.
If you are looking for a more warm, homely feel, perhaps The Lovely Ass Comforter.
Or if you want something dainty-esque, perhaps Les Shittier (pronounced "less shitty-eh") is right for you.

Posted by: Optimus Prime at February 26, 2008 11:36 AM

I vote for: iPood

Posted by: Deadz0r at February 26, 2008 11:37 AM

"Where's Jeff"

in honor of Steve's favorite Wiggle.

Posted by: Dan at February 26, 2008 12:04 PM


EL PooPoocabra


Posted by: Andy at February 26, 2008 12:07 PM

I vote for THE SHATNER!
(2nd fave is iPood)

I haven't read through all of the hundreds of comments...has anyone yet suggested this one:

"Dumpus all encompass"

It is an awesome song by the cartoon "Rock School". It is not shitty at all! Go here:
http://tinyurl.com/33olmu
to see a little video of the song...(first you must play a maddenly hard matching game...but it is worth it!)

Posted by: scurvyann at February 26, 2008 12:08 PM

El PooPooCabra translates roughly to the "poo poo sucker"

it works on so many levels

Posted by: Andy Again at February 26, 2008 12:10 PM

okay, El PooPooCabra is my new fave!!!

Posted by: scurvyann at February 26, 2008 12:27 PM

Its an El PooPooCabra Revolution!

Posted by: Andy again again at February 26, 2008 12:32 PM

Paul sounds like a winner.

Posted by: vicky at February 26, 2008 12:41 PM

"The Six Million Dollar Can"

"There Will be Blood"

"The Ass Hole"

"On Top of old Smokey"

"The Super Bowl"

"The Turd bunker"

Posted by: rob at February 26, 2008 12:41 PM

the chalice!!
or
Fitzgerald

Posted by: carey at February 26, 2008 12:41 PM

LOL. My votes are "Event Horizon" and "Professor Dumpledore"

In my house, we call the whole room "The Fortress of Solitude"

Posted by: chuckwagon at February 26, 2008 12:42 PM

The Turd Burglar

The Muffin Muncher

The Flatch Hatch

Satan's Portal

Posted by: harry ape at February 26, 2008 12:48 PM

I'm voting for William Shatner (or just The Shat!) and iPood... and would like to add:

Thunderbowl

Poop-Ship Destroyer

Posted by: heather at February 26, 2008 12:54 PM

How about The Pee Drain....

I like
The Event Horizon
The Shatner
The Squeeze

Posted by: Duane Dibbley at February 26, 2008 12:56 PM

Ass Catcher

The Devil's Door

Plop-n-drop

Shitty Shitty Bang Bang

The Queezy Chair

The Rumble Seat

The Flume


Posted by: harry ape at February 26, 2008 12:58 PM

Hmmm, dookie, dook, duke, the Duke, John Wayne (PBUH)...

Why not "Il Duce".

I also vote for "McCrapper" and "Lord Shattington".

Posted by: Dr. Feelgood at February 26, 2008 01:06 PM

Either April Showers
OR
May Flowers
OR
Spring Breeze
OR
Summer Heat

Posted by: John at February 26, 2008 01:12 PM

In honor of a line from My Name is Earl....

The Plop-Ease (if that's too highbrow, you can class it down with deliberate misspellings like "Plop-Eeze" etc.)

Posted by: Big Goombah at February 26, 2008 01:26 PM

i second GEORGE BUSH!

Posted by: christian at February 26, 2008 01:27 PM

How about the "Mouth of God"?

Posted by: Nooth at February 26, 2008 01:45 PM

DORIS.

I liked "Bob" and "the pool"

Posted by: Amy at February 26, 2008 01:49 PM

The Town Dump

Posted by: dave at February 26, 2008 02:24 PM

How about
Super pooper Flume..
TTFN
DASKAT

Posted by: KAT at February 26, 2008 02:25 PM

I can't believe it's not butt butter!

Posted by: jwc77 at February 26, 2008 02:37 PM

Defication Station ...CHOO CHOO!

Posted by: Nathan at February 26, 2008 02:37 PM

Faves:

1. Arserenity
2. William Shatner
3. Professor Dumpledore (LOL'd so hard I'm crying, but not sure it has lasting power)
4. The Event Horizon
5. iPood


Posted by: Dirk Gently at February 26, 2008 02:39 PM

On second thought:

It can only really be an iPood if the toilet's white, right Steve? And personally I think "Professor Dumpledore" would suit a fine wood grain. What does your toilet LOOK like? Then we can make a more informed decision.

Posted by: Dirk Gently at February 26, 2008 02:44 PM

1.Charybdis
2.Lou
3.Event Horizon

You guys are disturbed.

Posted by: grant at February 26, 2008 02:45 PM

gotta appreciate lake shittikaka and splash gordung. this is bringing out, perhaps, the greatest creative effort in human history.

Posted by: rich at February 26, 2008 02:48 PM

Hey Steve! I've been reading your blog for quite some time not, and let me tell you, I'm a big fan. I'm also a Tree-Brainer.

As for toilet names, I've never given much thought to the subject. Let's see...

The Facilitator
Tim the Enchanter
Smelly Cauldron

Posted by: Tyler at February 26, 2008 02:54 PM

I like the name Brian. Brian the toilet. It works. Or Bob. I also like Bob.

Posted by: Christy at February 26, 2008 02:59 PM

How about in honor of Otis..."Shittin' on the dock of the bay"

Posted by: jasonc at February 26, 2008 03:08 PM

My faves so far in order of appearance:
The Log Sort
Xanadu
The dream catcher
Home of the Whopper
Soylent Brown
Sweet Repose
Thunder Mug
The Squeeze

My only suggestion is something I came up with while.. (ahem) working on a number puzzle on the toilet: Sudookie.

Posted by: Fitz at February 26, 2008 03:09 PM

Odor of Ordure

Posted by: climbtreez at February 26, 2008 03:12 PM

The "Not so Port-a-Shitter"

Posted by: Spencer at February 26, 2008 03:25 PM

I have to vote for "Lord Shattington"

or simply "The Shattington"

Posted by: Jordana at February 26, 2008 03:28 PM

The Stallone

or

Dingle Berry Farms

Posted by: Brock Steele at February 26, 2008 03:36 PM

Esmerelda Villalobos

Posted by: Aaron at February 26, 2008 03:39 PM


The Shat Vat

Posted by: Aaron at February 26, 2008 03:41 PM

For generic toilet euphemisms I really like:
Big Hungry Joe
The Shatner
iPood
Thunder Mug
Thunder Dome

For Steve's special new toilet I really like:
Dream Catcher
The Squeeze
Turd Furguson
Dookie Houser
El PooPooCabra

For my contribution to the mix:
Pudding Patch

Posted by: BuffaloBandit at February 26, 2008 03:45 PM

Stinkbucks

Posted by: Moog at February 26, 2008 03:45 PM

The Good Ship Lollipoop

Posted by: James at February 26, 2008 03:46 PM

Crapplebee's

The Crappuccino

International House of Air Biscuits

LaToilet Jackson

Fred (a shitty name if ever there was one..)

Posted by: Fred at February 26, 2008 03:52 PM

The Kraken

Just because anytime anyone gets up to go to the bathroom i have a strong urge to yell out "Release the Kraken!"

Still, it doesn't even come close to the greatness of William Shatner.

Posted by: NervousXians at February 26, 2008 03:52 PM

I'm kind of partial to:

The Last Train to C.H.U.D.sville

Posted by: Davey Jones at February 26, 2008 04:15 PM

As a big Mario fan, I'm seconding Princess Turdstool.

Posted by: Jimbo at February 26, 2008 04:19 PM

How about the floral-sounding...

Morning Glory

Posted by: Amanda at February 26, 2008 04:21 PM

- The Great White Hope

- Yankee Country (For Red Sox Fans Like Myself)

- Flava Flav (If ever a man looked like a sickly piece of shit, this man does.

- Port St. Slucey

- Evacuation Chamber

-Britney Spears Cooter (Who hasn't vomited a herpes and aids ridden load into it at this point.)

- Polish Birth Control Center

Posted by: Aj at February 26, 2008 04:32 PM

i like latrina the best because it keeps with the theme of women's names and it sounds kinda classy at first. turd furguson is great too.

Posted by: jessie at February 26, 2008 04:32 PM

Simply: RAISINS! as in, "I just dropped a duece in Raisins!"

Posted by: Stenz at February 26, 2008 04:36 PM

Battlestar Gacraptica

The Shat Cave

The Shatmobile

Apoolo 13

Feces Peanut Butter Cup

Splash Mountain

The Craptain and Pissneille

Diahrea of Anne Frank

Posted by: rob at February 26, 2008 04:39 PM

the nerd in me loves the Shatner, but Austin i agree that it should be given the formal name William Shatner. Then you could call it wee-willy or the shatner depending on the event. (and seriously could name the bathroom the bridge, so funny)

Posted by: marguerite at February 26, 2008 04:47 PM

A story:

When I was teaching pre-school there was a girl who liked to go into the bathroom and sing. Primarily songs by The Police. Fitting. There are few things funnier that a tiny little girl belting out "YOOOOU DON'T HAVE TO PUUUT ON THE REEEEED LIIIIIGHT" in a room where the acoustics really reverberate. Long story short, I submit for your pooping pleasure:

Roxanne

Posted by: Alisha at February 26, 2008 04:55 PM

The Turd Gargler.

Posted by: Terry at February 26, 2008 05:03 PM

I'm a big fan of Gus, Broken Hearted, and Splash Mountain.


Posted by: DeAnn at February 26, 2008 05:06 PM

Steve Don't Poop It

or

Steve I Told You Not To Eat It

Posted by: m1 at February 26, 2008 05:08 PM

according to my count, William Shatner and The Event Horizon are still the front runners, but im now taking it upon myself to tally up the names.

If you could, save you ideas for new names until i finish, but go ahead and post your favorites. I'm only including names with more than one vote, and im not including the votes you have for the name you suggested.

wish me luck!

Posted by: Austin at February 26, 2008 05:19 PM

A late entry:

The new Steve-throne should be called:

The Manzoni

In honour of this fella:

http://www.poopaltar.com/2007/02/the_poop_artist.html

Who gave new meaning to art and canned goods. Ahem.

Posted by: The Big Poo at February 26, 2008 05:22 PM

I offer you:
Sir Mix-a-lot

Posted by: Ulises G. at February 26, 2008 05:31 PM

The Miasma-tron

www.m-w.com/dictionary/miasma

Posted by: Natty at February 26, 2008 05:36 PM

Dude, the first thing I thought was "Snagglepuss". Whatever that implies...

Posted by: Laur at February 26, 2008 05:42 PM

the Office-
If you need me, I'll be in my office, or, Sorry honey, I have a feeling i'll be spending all day at the office.

Posted by: senor jueves at February 26, 2008 05:46 PM

I'm quite partial to The Poopinator.

Posted by: emily at February 26, 2008 05:51 PM

turdinator

Posted by: Iain Burke at February 26, 2008 05:52 PM

the sorcerers throne

Posted by: Iain Burke at February 26, 2008 05:54 PM

Dingleberry Eliminator

Posted by: Ash-Tray at February 26, 2008 05:56 PM

Definately put a tally mark next to "The Steve Ate it Memorial".

Because whatever Steve's eating, lord knows its in the memorial.

I know it's gross, but maybe you could include a picture of the next day's crap with each new Steve, Don't Eat It! entry... featuring the shiny new memorial! hey... shame on you if you dont think poop is funny.

i know its late for new entries, but i like "Dung Dungeon" best too.

Posted by: The Ish at February 26, 2008 05:58 PM

"The Deuce Lounge" or respectively "Ace's Lounge" depending on one or two...

Posted by: Sarah at February 26, 2008 06:04 PM

LOL The Happy Time Poopy Chair...LOL

in keeping with the Shatner theme call it
The Enterprise
to boldly go where no man has gone before
and while your sitting "contemplating life" you could shout things like
Engage
Fire proton torpedos
Damit Jim Im a doctor not a Proctologist
(scottish accent..BAD..) Shes breakin apart captn she cana take much more
(vulcan) Its something we have never seen before captain
(vulcan) the grunting is just illogical
and if someone is knocking on the door
Not now Im battleing Klingons

Posted by: Jason the Argonaught at February 26, 2008 06:05 PM

we trully are a very large group of very disturbed individuals ... and I love it HA

Posted by: Jason the Argonaught at February 26, 2008 06:07 PM

Sweet Surrender

or

Freedom's Ring

Posted by: TD at February 26, 2008 06:27 PM

When I hear the name Toto, I think Wizard.
So, I submit

The Wizard.

Posted by: Cynthia at February 26, 2008 06:58 PM

The Porcelain Prince...

or Psychedelic Wormhole.

Posted by: Ryan0 at February 26, 2008 06:59 PM

The Crust Muffin

There's no rhyme or reason to my choice - it's just the first thing that popped into my head.

I'm sure this is something I need to discuss with my therapist.

Posted by: Babs at February 26, 2008 07:00 PM

Ann Coulter

So that next time you are watching the real Ann Coulter speak, and someone remarks "where does she come up with this shit," you can smile proudly.

Posted by: Ally at February 26, 2008 07:07 PM


"Fine Pickles" -- Adds a new twist to some Sneeze lore. Goes well with the "Please put your pants on" prefix, as these at least partly come off while in use. Also, a fine pickle could be a euphamism for a turd.

Posted by: sauly at February 26, 2008 07:14 PM

So far I like "Steve Ate It" from the above selections......my idea is sweet and simple......


"The Holy Crapper" -didn't see it above
(I know in MY house we hear "Holy Crap" more times than could possibly be normal)

Keep up the great work Steve, great public service you've got going on here!!!

Posted by: Janet at February 26, 2008 07:18 PM

Pooper Trooper

Posted by: Friend at February 26, 2008 07:18 PM

How 'bout "The Cosmic Commode?"

Although I do like "Splash Mountain" and "Event Horizon."
If you'd rather give your toilet a more friendly persona, I would cast my.. er.. vote for William Shatner.

The whole thing is hilarious, Steve. How many other things in your house have been christened by the Internet?

Posted by: Clubbaseal at February 26, 2008 07:19 PM

Glory Hole

Posted by: Jesus at February 26, 2008 07:22 PM

For your consideration... most thought up by my lovely, dear husband...

The dookie houser

El Crapitan

Posted by: withalonge at February 26, 2008 07:40 PM

I dont feel like reading 8000 comments so perhaps it's already been suggested- but Ill say

PICKLES!!

Posted by: Darren at February 26, 2008 07:50 PM

If Pickles has already been mentioned, I'll suggest Dolores (You remember the delicious pickled pork rinds don't you Steve?)

Posted by: darren (again) at February 26, 2008 07:52 PM

The Hillary's Think Tank

The Dog Bowl

Little Debbie

The Bread Basket

The Hooterville Trolley

Uncle Joe's Mess Hall

Posted by: Bunk at February 26, 2008 08:00 PM

for Transformers fans:

arsescream (starscreme)

Posted by: mb at February 26, 2008 08:29 PM

The Repository

The Dank Pit of Sorrow

Shreiking Bung

Whistling Hills

Hiroshima

DC

The Dunk Tank

Brownsnake habitat

Posted by: Deaneira at February 26, 2008 08:40 PM

The Bathroom Barcalounger

Posted by: Tom H at February 26, 2008 08:44 PM

Jenkem Junction

Posted by: KP at February 26, 2008 08:49 PM

The Rose Bowl

Posted by: Steph at February 26, 2008 09:05 PM

Cool Runnings

Posted by: Matt at February 26, 2008 09:08 PM

Of the so-far suggested, I'd go with "Dreamcatcher" or "The Event Horizon." My own original suggestion: "Shady Pines." I can never resist a Golden Girls reference, and it's a nice place to "retire" to.

Posted by: Katie at February 26, 2008 09:25 PM

Eric the Toilet (for Monty Python fans)

Posted by: Leasa at February 26, 2008 09:39 PM

I for one am a fan of personification. Hence, in no particular order-

Gus
Loretta
Lou
Professor Dumpledore...ha ha ha!
Turd Ferguson
Dookie Houser, M.D.

"Turtle Head Lake" sounds picturesque, as well.
Lots of good ones.

Posted by: Jeanine at February 26, 2008 09:48 PM

TurdTumbler™ 2000

Posted by: VeryVito at February 26, 2008 09:49 PM

I've changed my mind.
In the spirit of "Memoirs" and "Kathryn" I like:
A Mighty Wind
Spirit of St. Louis
Culo Dolce ("Sweet Ass" in Italian)
Cradle of Freedom

I still love:
Dreamcatcher
Kraken
Big Hungry Joe

Posted by: BuffaloBandit at February 26, 2008 09:50 PM

I for one am a fan of personification. Hence, in no particular order-

Gus
Loretta
Lou
Professor Dumpledore...ha ha ha!
Turd Ferguson
Dookie Houser, M.D.

"Turtle Head Lake" sounds picturesque, as well.
Lots of good ones.

Posted by: Jeanine at February 26, 2008 09:55 PM

ok, after much discussion, my boyfriend and i have come up with these more:

smellhalla
the pit of despair
cthulhu/c'poo'lhu
the feconomicon
the turdinator (i'll be back)
dr. strangelove's waiting room
rowdy roddy diaper
wabash cannonball
guantanamo bay (for releasing the prisoner)
famous amos's twin, heinous anus
the accountant (work it out with a pencil)
make way for dumplings
bowel's moving castle, for anime fans.
soilent green

however, i STILL vote for shatner.

Posted by: liz at February 26, 2008 09:56 PM

I like "Shitoon." Screw your kids.

Posted by: assface at February 26, 2008 10:00 PM

The Captains Log

The Boombox

The Echo Chamber

France

Posted by: Amy at February 26, 2008 10:00 PM

Guantanamflow bidet (this bathroom doesn’t condone torture…)

The CANtina (never has there been such a wrenched hive of scum and villainy)

Assablanca

Posted by: Fizz at February 26, 2008 10:01 PM

The Honey Dipper

Colon Powell

or, for the kiddies, The Thinking Chair (nod to Blue's Clues... You know what to do!)

Posted by: Leasa at February 26, 2008 10:04 PM

ok.........never again will i volunteer to go through hundreds of posts for a toilet name. That took much longer and was much more difficult than i expected.

Steve, you owe me a T-Shirt, or something.

Anyways, what follows is a complete list of all the names that got at least a second vote. If the name was mentioned in a positive light, i counted it.

William Shatner / The Shatner - 61
The Event Horizon - 39
The Shitoon - 20
Lord Shattington - 17
The Squeeze - 16
GUS - 15
The Dream Catcher - 14
Hurricane Latrina - 10
Big Hungry Joe - 9
McCrapper - 7
Assfrica - 7
New Jersey - 7
The Poop Ledge - 6
Charybdis - 6
Loretta - 6
Xanadu - 6
Splash Mountain - 5
Arserenity - 5
Professor Dumpledore - 5
The Confidant - 5
iPood - 5
Turd Ferguson - 5
Perhaps the Smelltron 2.5 - 4
The Crapperjack - 4
Dookie Houser - 4
The Bottom Sneeze 3000 - 3
The Throne of Lost Souls - 3
Cheek Muncher - 3
The Steve Ate It Memorial - 3
Kenworth Hauling Logs - 3
Unicornicopia - 3
Gambino & Sons' Lie Detector & Water-Boarding Device - 3
The Casbah - 3
Poolympus - 3
Turtle-head Lake - 3
The Oval Office - 3
Bob - 3
The Bakery - 3
Thunder Mug - 3
Turd Burgler - 3
Steve Dont Eat It! Factory / Steve, don't eat it! Disposal Unit - 2
The Super Bowl - 2
Unportable Potty - 2
Senor Burrito-Completo - 2
Deep Blue - 2
Big Bertha - 2
The Stoole Stool - 2
Amber Waves - 2
The Pensive - 2
H.R. Flushnstuff - 2
Dorothy - 2
The Librarian - 2
Deja Poo - 2
Thunderdome - 2
Flush Gordon - 2
El Poopoocabra - 2
The Pool - 2
Lou - 2
Fine Pickles - 2
Standard - 1
The Taming of the Poo - 1
Sneeze Bowl - 1
Toilet - 1
The Olympian - 1
The Brownie Bucket - 1
The Royal Flush - 1
Diablo Cody - 1
Le Chuck - 1
The Disemboweler - 1
The Crapper - 1
Auntie BM - 1
Squeeze and Please - 1
Mr. Hanky's House - 1
Your Mom - 1
Judge Fudge - 1
Senator - 1
Das Poop - 1
Shithammer From Valhalla - 1
Fort Clog - 1
Bran Mountain - 1
Roseanna - 1
The Stargate - 1
Cleaveland Steamer - 1
Princess Turdstool - 1
Bowel Bowl - 1
The Poo Lagoon - 1
Brown's Stadium - 1-
Frothy Minx - 1
The Face - 1
Cave Of Wonders - 1
Raisins - 1
Final Fantasy VII - 1
Porcelain Throne - 1
The Commodore - 1
Dookies Of Hazard - 1
Mr. Splashy Pants - 1
Dookie Monster - 1
Poop Master Flash - 1
Decadence - 1
The Fartess of Solidpoo - 1
The Log Cabin - 1
Paul - 1
Shitty Shitty Bang Bang - 1
George Bush - 1
Lake Shittykaka - 1
The Log Sort - 1
Home Of The Whopper - 1
Soylent Brown - 1
Sweet Repose - 1
Broken Hearted - 1
The Office - 1
The Poopinator - 1
Kraken - 1

So, ya think i got some numbers wrong, huh? You think im wrong on one HUH?!?!? Well, i probably am, but all i have to say is FUCK YOU!!!!!!

Posted by: Austin at February 26, 2008 10:23 PM

i would go with:
Al Gore
or
Nancy Pelosi.

Their both full of shit, right?

Wait, you could just name it, "The Politician" because that would some it all up.
Mr. Gore, here's to global warming!

Posted by: tara at February 26, 2008 10:29 PM

um there are about 3 votes here for "Unportable Potty". :D I laughed so hard, it is such a perfect name! ...or as I was just informed, drape a jolly roger over the back and call it the poop deck. Then you would feel like a captain when you shouted out that someone should swab it clean. :)

I also like shitoon... but unportable potty gets more votes.

Posted by: The Wigginator at February 26, 2008 10:30 PM

My suggestion...

"The Scienturdogist"

Posted by: katherine at February 26, 2008 10:30 PM

Also, Steve, i'd like to thank you for making me completely desensitized to toilet jokes.

Thanks. (so much sarcasm, it's not even funny)

Still love the sneeze, though!

Posted by: Austin at February 26, 2008 10:32 PM

Hayden Christensen.

He deserves it after Attack of the Clones.

Posted by: Jaryd Madlena at February 26, 2008 10:34 PM

Ok, seriously, last post.

I just wanted to thank marguerite for laughing at my half-hearted attempt at humor.

And for everybody else, the competition's pretty much decided, with William Shatner in the lead.

Posted by: Austin at February 26, 2008 10:39 PM

I love William Shatner. Both as a person and as a toilet name. I would say my second favorite is Hurricane Latrina. Hilarious. But is it too soon?...

Posted by: Erin at February 26, 2008 10:49 PM

Denny's

Whitespot

Mount Vepoopius

Poonami

Shittaker

Shitake

Shit Closet

Schleichfahrt-(roughly translated, silent running in german)

Water Depurifier

Septor

or, you could always affectionately call it Shitface.

Posted by: Miggy at February 26, 2008 11:06 PM

Ok, even though I still think The Shatner is the shit, the idea of calling it France just needs some credit. Brilliant. However, Shatner's shit will overpower the need to credit the French in the best way possible.

Posted by: Shaun at February 26, 2008 11:09 PM

Is it sad that I've kept up with this post and I've read all the comments so far?

This has been the second greatest time I have ever spent considering filthy names for someone else's toilet.

I'm glad so many people liked my suggestion of "Assfrica"-- that song (Toto's 'Africa') has been in my head for a couple days now because of this, but that makes it all worthwhile.

Posted by: LiteralDan at February 27, 2008 12:32 AM

i enjoy Princess Turdstool, and Professor Dumpledore

Posted by: Kneller at February 27, 2008 12:47 AM

Beyond Thunderdome

Posted by: tracy at February 27, 2008 01:15 AM

The Gorge

Posted by: Boojeo at February 27, 2008 01:52 AM

Okay, I know it's a bit down the list, but... Big Hungry Joe FTW. It's got such a "The Sneeze" ring to it.

Posted by: Capn Curry at February 27, 2008 02:59 AM

Brown Town

Posted by: scaryice at February 27, 2008 04:35 AM

All I have to say:

The American Dream.

Or maybe "Digg This!" (looking at the site, obviously)

Posted by: Chance at February 27, 2008 05:31 AM

First National Shit Bank
Deposits only!

Posted by: travis at February 27, 2008 05:41 AM

William Shatner: Captain's Log, yes!

Turd Ferguson I like, but he's no William Shatner.

Posted by: Sue at February 27, 2008 05:55 AM

I love shitoon! William shatner is also a great one.

Posted by: Samantha at February 27, 2008 06:17 AM

The Victory

Posted by: ricoeurian at February 27, 2008 07:02 AM

Agony or Ecstasy

Posted by: Giles at February 27, 2008 07:03 AM

Catcher of the Rye
or
Pried and Prejuiced
maybe
The Sound and the Fury

I didn't read all the posts so hopefully I'm not doubling ... and if I am then these are my votes for the other ones.

Posted by: Alan at February 27, 2008 07:27 AM

I like

Gone With the Wind
The Poopinator
Sink or Swim
Poopzilla
the Perfect Storm
The Fondue Pot

Posted by: kathy at February 27, 2008 07:47 AM

Chez Steve

Posted by: ele at February 27, 2008 07:49 AM

For the gamers out there:

Call of Doody

Posted by: E at February 27, 2008 07:59 AM

Augustus Gloop (he loved chocolate!)

Or "The Gloop" if you wanna have a catchy informal name for it.

Posted by: Eric at February 27, 2008 08:03 AM

The Sphincterminal

The B.M. Emmet Walsh-ing Machine

Posted by: crabbydad at February 27, 2008 08:03 AM

If I get fired for being on the web, please let it be while reading these!

I vote for Event Horizion.

I also like "dream catcher" for obvious reasons.

Posted by: Brad at February 27, 2008 08:12 AM

+ 1 for "Fergie."

Posted by: jonathan at February 27, 2008 08:23 AM
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