November 08, 2007

Well-Dressed Married Male Seeking Tree Brains Groupies

Steve,

I love my new shirt, but I am worried it may be defective. After receiving the shirt yesterday, I put it on and showed it off to the wife; in response to her puzzled look, I explained that I am now part of a fictitious rock band filled with pseudo-rockers, all of whom are at least as cool as I now am. Naturally, I assumed that I was in for some Hot Rock and Roll Sex. Married Hot Rock and Roll Sex, but I’ll take what I can get.

I closed my eyes and braced for impact, anticipating that my partner would, at any moment, lose her control and hurl herself at me in a fit of lust. After a few minutes, and a complete lack of impact, lust-filled or otherwise, I opened my eyes to find my wife continuing to sit calmly on the couch, reading a book. No panting, no heat-filled stare… for that matter, not even “sexy librarian” sitting and reading, just plain old sitting and reading. I noted aloud that I was still vertical and clothed, to which she replied that I must be waiting for “fictitious groupies.”

Steve, please take a look at the remaining shirts; perhaps something went wrong while the logo was being applied, or in the mailing process? In the interim, please send over some fictitious groupies. I’m not picky.

-Brendon

Brendon,

As far as I can tell your shirt is free from defects and you are wearing it correctly. The only possible conclusion I can come up with is that you are now intimidating the ladies by being TOO sexy.

Dial it down a little. Try giving up deodorant for a few weeks or maybe losing a tooth. I'm confident you'll strike a balance that will get hot chicks in the sack for sure.

I'm wearing my shirt right now and have 2 women sitting on my lap and one on my head like a hat.

Good luck!

-Steve

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