As I have learned from commercials for erectile dysfunction drugs, "Priapism" is a medical condition defined by having a painful erection for more than 4 hours.

Apparently, I had priapism from age 11 to 17.

A little internet sleuthing has revealed that Priapism is named after the Greek God, Priapus. According to Wikipedia, he's the god of livestock, fruit plants, gardens and male genitalia. Not since Costco, where I can buy a tub of mustard, pants and a raft, have such a random grouping lived under one roof.

Wikipedia goes on to say that "... statues of Priapus would be found guarding homes, fields, and crops. It was a quite literally a 'no trespassing or you'll be raped violently' sign." Interestingly, he was also depicted as a super-villain in Marvel Comics. I suppose it's good he wasn't in DC Comics, or every issue would have been Robin trespassing.

I'll end this with a little culture. Here's a link to a curious (not quite safe for work) fresco from the House of the Vettii in Pompeii. It depicts Priapus weighing his mighty appendage against a large bag of money. (I don't know if I could win that contest against the change in my pocket.)

If you ever need a boner or some tomatoes, now you know who to pray to.