There's one thing I can't stand: fruit that refuses to mind its own business.

Which is why I was understandably concerned when my wife brought home this container of Ready Pac "Meddlin' Melons".

The American Heritage Dictionary defines "meddling" as:
1. To intrude into other people's affairs or business; interfere.
2. To handle something idly or ignorantly; tamper.

I have sent the following email to the appropriate people at Ready Pac and await their answer.

Dear Sirs,

I'm writing about your fresh-cut fruit product, "Meddlin' Melons."

I recently enjoyed a big bowl of it (nice chunk-size!), but what I'd really love to know is what kind of trouble these melons were getting themselves into.

They didn't keep foiling crimes at the Ready Pac warehouse, did they? I only ask because at the end of Scooby Doo, some guy would always get his mask pulled off and say "And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddling kids!" (I realize this is unlikely.)

Now, rather than be someone who just points out problems, I also come to you armed with solutions. So, here is a list of new melon mix names you can use (completely free of charge.)

Minglin' Melons

Medley O' Melons

Melon Mélange (that's french for "mixture". only fancy!)

Mo' Melons, Mo' Betta

Melon Ready! (great tie-in potential with songstress Helen Reddy!!)

and last but not least...

I'm Smellin' Melons!

Please get back to me and let me know which name you're going with. I'd also love to hear how you came up with the whole Meddlin' name to begin with.

Yours in Honeydew,
Steve

I'll let you all know as soon as I receive a reply.