Good news and bad news.

The slide whistle arrived. But of all the things it does well, sliding is not one of them.

I contacted the company and they told me to try and spray some Pam in it. That didn't help, but at least it smells more buttery. And if I want to make a small, thin tube-shaped cake, I'm all set.

They then said something about making arrangments for me to send it back. This company doesn't seem to understand that I need to regale you people with holiday tunes BEFORE the holidays are over. This means I may have to brave the Los Angeles winter next week and go find one on my own.

This "song whistle" is made by the American Plating Co. I'm going to assume they mean metal plating, and not the plating where someone lies under a glass table while someone else takes a dump over their face.

Although that's closer to how I felt when I realized the slide whistle was broken.

The good news is the box plainly says: "IT IS AS EASY TO PLAY IT AS TO WHISTLE OR HUM A TUNE. YOU CAN PLAY ANY POPULAR TUNE WITH ONLY FIVE MINUTES PRACTICE."

So once I get a working one, I'm only going to practice with it for precisely five minutes before my big recital for you all.