I believe my wife may have cheated on me a few years ago.

I'm not sure who she did it with, but I've narrowed it down to the following list of suspects:

My 2-year-old is an unstoppable eating machine. To put it bluntly, he's an animal. (Yes, I'm referring to the one who ate the ear medicine and vaseline.) The number of times a day I hear the phrase "I WANT SUMFIN TO EAT!" is staggering.

Maybe he's just growing. He isn't necessarily chubby and he's a little tall for his age. Personally I'm hoping he ends up 11 feet tall, because I have no doubt he's going to be 900 pounds.

Last week there was another moment where things in the house had gotten eerily quiet. I walked around looking for the hungry one, and found him sitting on the kitchen floor, hunched over with his back to me.

When I asked what he was doing, "I EATIN' PRINKLES!" was the reply.

He turned around to reveal a rainbow of color stuck to his face.

He had managed to get his hands on an entire tub of rainbow sprinkles and was devouring them by the fistful. I'm confident had I not walked in, they'd be long gone.

I took the tub and went to put it someplace out of the way. When I turned back, he was on all fours, eating them off the floor like a dog.

My wife believes he resorted to this tactic because he couldn't pick up the tiny sprinkles with his fingers. I believe he did it because he's an animal.

It's funny that his older brother keeps asking me for a dog. He doesn't seem to understand that I actually got us one that can talk.