Man, this happened all the time when I was a manager at BlockBuster. All we could do to not bust out laughing whenever we heard a mix up like this. Of course, we would only make fun of the people who were SO SURE of the title, but still have it wrong. This post is moot though cause I can't remember any specific examples. :(

Being French, I often found it funny to "get" English product names once I learned the proper vocabulary. For Example, "Head and Shoulders" (the shampoo...now you know I HAD dandruff) was always pronounced "Hidden Shoulders" in my home. Quite funny, knowing that dandruff will not hide your shoulders at all. What...! I was only a boy then! I could barely read French!

Anyway, my mom still refers to Demi Moore as Demioore, making it sound either like Demi Hore or Dimmer, depending on how much alcohol has been permitted in the house that day. Of course she doesn't get the joke, serious as she is!

My mom once referred to Toby Keith (who my sister has a thing for, but I won't get into that) Tony Blair. They are practically the same person though, so I guess it's understandable.

My mother was out with her friends and mistakingly referred to another round of "Sam Adams" as "Adam Sandlers." Perhaps she had already enjoyed one too many "Adam Sandlers."

My mom loves Tommy Higerfeld clothes and asks my 3 yo son how Roly Oly Oly was.

My father loves to attend rock concerts. He has seen everyone (Hendrix, Stones x 15, etc), and likes to keep up with newer music. About 8 years ago, Weezer was getting huge, and I was a big fan. He heard the song Buddy Holly, and really liked it. He came home one day, and told me about the song and asked who it was by. Before I could tell him, he said "Is it by 'The Weezers'?" All I could tell him was yes, indeed it was by 'The Weezers', as I left the room to laugh.

My father used to refer to the Smithsonian (both the institution and the magazine) and the "Smith-STONE-ian." I can't tell you how hard my stoner friends and I used giggle at that in high school.

While playing Scrabble with the husband and some friends, the husband(who was doing poorly) announces "Well no WONDER I suck at this! It's the GENUS" edition! I call him a GENUS all the time now! AAAAHAHAHAHA!

My mom also watches "Steinfeld." In addition, she likes to drink "Schnapple," and when we go to the beach, she just loves to watch us "bogey-board."

My dad refer's to a chimney as a "chimb-ley" pronouncing the "b".
My father in law refer's to vodka as "vod-e-ka"
Drive's me nuts!!

My friend Tanya Ex-presso all the time. It drives me CRAZY!

And I had a physics teacher in high school who said "again-you" instead of against. *twitch* I tried to correct her once, but she looked at me like I was nuts.

When my mother cleans the house she wears a kerchief on her head to keep her hair out of her eyes. Always wanting to keep up with the times, she refers to it as a "du wop rag" as opposed to the more conventional do-rag.

that should be "My friend Tanya SAYS Ex-presso... HATE TYPOS!

As a cheesemonger, my colleagues and I hear all sorts of word-butchering that give us a chuckle. Havarati (The Lost Tenor), Asaggio instead of Asiago. And my favorite: Calamari olives. Maybe I've missed the new culinary delight of squid-stuffed olives. Move over peanut butter and chocolate, Calamari olives are the NKOTB! BTW, what they're really after is Kalamatas. Folks seem to have a tough time pronouncing Gruyere as well. Happy Snow Day nor'easters!

Gah!! Stuff like this drives me NUTS!!! My family (and my wife) are so bad about things like this.

It crosses over to the electronic medium as well. In instant messages, my wife will often exclaim "Yicks" when she means "Yikes".

My mother is a fountain of pronunciations gone bad. Instead of lighting a votive candle, she lights a "voltive". I suppose it is a candle that runs off either a wick or a power cord. She also says "vetrans" instead of veterans. But don't correct her...she gets pissy.

while not quite the same, when I hear someone say 'axe' as in 'I axed her to go with me', I cringe so hard a tsunami of back flesh washes over my five head.
One other is when my ex, whose parents grew up in brooklyn, translates their affected english version of 'mortified' into 'mawtified' and will correct you if you say it properly.

My friends and I went into a Chinese restaurant and one of my friends was looking over the menu, and exclaimed (in pure phonetic spelling), "fahn-TAIL-ee Shrimp ... hm.. I wonder what that is. We should try it." Only after everyone else looking at it, did we find out that it was, in fact, Fantail Shrimp. Woo boy, do we still give him crap about that.

When I was younger, it always drove me crazy that my grandpa thought I played Super Mario Bros. on an "Entendo."

Furthermore, for my grandpa, Entendo was an umbrella beneath which the likes of Game Boy, Sega Genesis, Game Gear, and Playstation could all huddle.

My grandpa does that all the time but the only ones I can think of is Oli instead og my nick-name Ali even though ive corrected him about 2,000 times.

My dad once called the video rental shop and asked whether they had "Ferris Mueller's Day Out". My brother and I remind him of that about once a week.

For Miriam who said:
---
I had a physics teacher in high school who said "again-you" instead of against. *twitch* I tried to correct her once, but she looked at me like I was nuts.
---

You are nuts :) Look up "agin" in the dictionary, it's a perfectly valid variant of "against"... admittedly, only valid if you're a hick :)

My friend Mike is a big fan of the show "Curb Your Enthusiasm," starring the writer and creator of "Steinfeld," one Barry Davis. (When he first said that instead of "Larry David," our entire friendship group stared at him blankly for about ten seconds before we could understand what the hell he was talking about.)

My mother once referred to the Tom Hanks movie "Turner and Hooch" as "Turner and Crotch".
I prefer her title, makes the movie sound more entertaining :)

My mom kept referring to Free Willie as Wet Wille.
Also, once when I was sick and had a sore throat, i was drinking this tea called Throat Coat. She came home from work and promptly offered me another cup of deep throat tea. It was my MOM!

My other favorite was my friend working at a video sales store, and someone came up to him and said "Do you have the Quick and the Dead? I already looked all through the G's!"

My father, after seeing "March of the Penguins" was so impressed with Morgan Freeman's narration, he continues to tell each one of his friends and mine that "Morgan Freeman is just FANATICAL in that movie!".... hm, i guess Morgan reallllly loves those penguins.

A family favorite:

My nephew had to answer the call of nature and no indoor plumbing was in sight, only one of those delightful, plastic port-o-potty horrors.

Traumatized by the sights and odors, he was there-after, forever worried about getting caught away from civilization, and being forced to use a "Porn-O-Potty".

We've referred to them as such ever since. (Poor kid is still traumatized some 12 years later.)

While selling tickets for the movie "One True Thing", old ladies asked for a ticket to "One Two Three". It's funny 'cuz they said it exactly like Mr. Owl in the Tootsie Pop commercial.

When I got a big scuff mark on the wall, I decided to purchase a "Dr. Phil Magic Eraser". In conclusion, Mr. Clean and Dr. Phil are both bald.

My mom calls the Yeah Yeah Yeahs (a band) the "ya yas". My aunt refers to cilantro as "silly-antro".

I hate when people say "cousint" (cousin), "melk" (milk), and "pellow" (pillow).

P.S. Wow. I thought my mom invented "Steinfeld".

I once accidentally referred to "Crazy Beautiful" as "Crazy Stupid". Not sure why I would think anyone would name a movie that but it really wasn't a very good movie, so in the end I think my title was more appropriate.

Just the other day, my 4 yr old son and I were watching TV and a trailer for King Kong came on. A few minutes later, he turned to me and said, "I don't want to see King Dong, it's too scary."

Best one I ever heard was my friend Bob, who had recently moved to Chicago from Pittsburgh and complained because the local shops all said "gy-ro" wrong. Apparently they were pronouncing it closer to the Greek "yee-ro"...

My grandmother, God rest her soul, always called chimpanzees "chimpanese." I think she believed they were actually people from Chimpan.

My sister-in-law pronounces Aunt Jemima syrup the fancy way: "AHHnt Jemima," which just seems wrong.

OMG. My friend is *the most* annoying when it comes to mispronunciation. She often takes an EX-presso with her SANGWIGES (sandwiches to us normal folk) and, in her day, liked to watch ROSEWELL High. She also listens to country music - GARETH Brooks and the DIX CHICKSIES to name two.

I could go on. But I'm beginning to hyperventilate with the excitement....

My ex-girlfirend's mom was born and raised in mexico, and she just loved tatter totes from sonic.

My physics teacher in high school pronounced the word "sphere" as "spear". Pause for a moment and consider the self-control I exhibited not to strangle her on the spot each and every time.

Also, in a fit of irony (I think), she'd pronounce "gramatically correct" as "gramaRically correct".

She haunts my dreams.

A former girlfriend of mine always called her laptop computer a 'Labtop" my mother enjoyed the show "Mark and Mandy" a lot but my favorite of this type of mixup was my grandmother who disliked Don Adams as Agent 86 on the show the show "Smart Guy"

It kills me when people say "pacific" instead of "specific" or "ideal" instead of "idea."

One mistake made by every class of first graders I've ever taught is when they write the word "saw." In the beginning, they almost always write it as "sol." I guess they hear the "L" on the end when the word is spoken. Or...maybe this is just a regional (southern) problem!

No, nothing quite like that but once I heard a woman mispronounce a word in the course of raving about a local comedian's performance. At first I was confused about what, exactly, she was trying to say but she kept on repeating the word with more and more emphasis (because she was a bit of a jerk and wanted us to be impressed with her elocution), and it eventually dawned on me that she was trying to use the word "panache." Except she rhymed it with "Apache."

\Ah, the splendors of New Jersey.

My dad one-upped the "Steinfeld" crowd when over dinner he told everyone how he really likes that "Steinberg" show. Especially that "Cosgrove Cramer." Similarly, upon passing a sign for Homer NY, he attempted to make a Simpsons reference by musing that "Madge" should be nearby.

One of my teachers said lookit. My mother said that Tom Cruise was the "glip" one.

I had a roommate in college who pronounced her own major "bi-AH-ligical science."

My parents are both horrible at pronouncing things, and it worked my last nerve when we travelled through Europe when I was a teenager. My dad actually got mad at me for trying to pronounce French words correctly, and referred to the currency as "dootch marks" all through Germany.

I remember my science teacher as always pronouncing 'parmesan' as 'par-MEE-zin'. He was also prone to pronouncing 'schedule' as 'skay-doo-lee' from time to time. I miss him.

This is similar but different. A former girlfriend of mine once asked me what the movie "Silence is Golden" was about when we were buying tickets at a movie theater.

I actually know a movie producer who told me he was working on getting Angel Jolie and Alex Baldwin for his next feature. How can anyone give him money to make a movie...Jeez

My niece says ung-yun instead of onion. Every time I hear it, I literally see red. Literally, I tell ya!

My mom's first meal of the day is "brekfrust". Her brother's name is "Juff" (not "Jeff"). She gets water from the "flossit". Wolves are "woofs".

And worst of all, ever since she started going to acupuncture school, she tries to apply Chinese phonics to English words, and thinks this makes her cosmopolitan and sophisticated and a world citizen and whatnot. Ex: Tazo tea is supposed to be pronounced "tay-zo" (they even say so on the box!), but she's insists on pronouncing it "dah-zow" because that's (apparently) how Chinese people would pronounce it.

It's a fine line between "world citizen" and "Midwestern white trash idiot", apparently.

My husband says "Chipoltnay" instead of "Chipolte" and since I corrected him he laughs laughs thinking its funny so now he says it because he knows it gets to me.
When people say EX presso, pisses me off...

I hate when people say "cousint" (cousin), "melk" (milk), and "pellow" (pillow).

P.S. Wow. I thought my mom invented "Steinfeld".
Posted by: Celeste at January 3, 2006 08:36 AM
------------
Both pellow and melk are normal east-coast pronunciations. Not saying everyone there talks that way, but I did and so did many of the people I grew up around!

Go figure!

In the song "Brick House" my friend's husband sings "She's built like a Akamazon" instead of "Amazon". We bust up about it every time we talk about it... Also, he thought the Banarama song "I'm your Venus" was "I'm your Fetus"...Damn, that man is funny.

My grandfather always did this. My brother Kevin became Kalbin. Watermelon was wallermelon. But the best was the Six Million Dollar Man was the Six Dollar Man.

This is SUCH a hot button for me! Actually, I bite my tongue on multiple occasions these days because apparently my correcting is as annoying to others as the offenders' misuse of grammar and pronunciation is to me. Here are some of my favorites:

"I'll have an order of the chicken stripes" (I'll cut him some slack, though being that he's Belgian and all).

While IN IRELAND and ever since, the town/stone of "Ba-lar-ney" is a nice tourist attraction.

This same friend has a tendency to throw in superflous vowels in words such as "real-a-tor", and consonants in words like "and" when she means "an".

My grandma shopped for the grandkids at "Toy-R-Us", God rest her sweet soul.

And last but not least, my dad actually pronounces the "s" at the end of Illinois. Sigh.

My mother, after being corrected MILLIONS of times , still refers to the folding couch/bed that WE all know as a Futon as a FRUITRON!!!!!! uggghhhhh!!!!!!

We call it "Steinfeld" too! My girlfriend and I actually have a special language we speak that is the result from typos during our IM conversations. One example is slug, the slimy creature that leaves slime trails. That is a slub in our language.

On rainy evenings we like to invite our friends over to play a game of Scrambble.

This is slightly different (or differnt, as they say in northwest PA where she lives) but in 40 years of watching "The Tonight Show," my grandmother still can't remember its title. She calls it "Jay Leno's Progrum", ditto with "Dave Letterman's Progrum," etc...

My mother pronounces the word 'food' as 'fued'. Grrr!!

PS. I have to admit, the word 'mirror' does not flow from my lips with ease. Seems to comes out as 'meer'. And milk is always 'melk' (eastcoasters rule).

My sister always says "brekfrist" which makes me want to punch her lights out every time.

Apparently, I can't speak or spell properly. It's lunchtime here, must go have some 'feud'.

At my parents house, we only ever refer to the Aliens star as "Sir Horney Weaver" and Reality Bites star as "Jeanene Go-f**K-a-buffalo"

My dad has some good ones:
provoline (for provolone cheese)
pishing (when refering to phising scams)
and an old favorite which may just be a strange dialect:
Warshington (when refering to the state or DC, also warsh is used in place of wash)

My mother also watches Steinfield and I, according to my jackass friends, will always listen to Drufus Wainwright

If I hear one more person say "supposably" I may just go insane.

My sister were kids in the 80's singing along to "Secret Agent Man" As "Secret Asian Man". Paints a real picture doesn't it.

the other day i was trying to remember the name for this "High Liner" brand of stirfry, a frozen fish product with an old fisherman on the front, and i called it "Captian Morgan's Old Man and the Sea" product.

Out for Chinese one night my lovely wife questioned the server about the "Chick-a-go" Chicken... He was of course mystified, and in assisting my wife with explaining what she wanted I had her point it out to me. It was Chicago Chicken. Now, when traveling we frequently have layovers in Chick-a-go, she has a custom made Chick-a-go concert t-shirt, and while we never did figure out what exactly was in Chicago Chicken, I make a mean Chick-a-go Stir Fry now :)

OH YA
and it drives me bonkers when people say "salary" instead of Celery, and "crowns" instead of crayons.. like WTF?

Once, when I was young...my mom was singing along to "You dropped the bomb on me" and was saying: "You bought a Batmobile"

My little brother says "pallow" instead of pillow all the time. He's the only one in the family who does it, and it bothers me to no end. (He has no excuse, he's ten years old.)

My mom enjoys the robust flavor of "Chipoltay."

My friend Sierra likes to tell me all about the things she "brought" from the store, and usually after she "axes" me if I thought they were good purchases. After this, she tells me she has to leave because she was "upposta" (rather than supposed to) be home an hour ago.

Yeah.

An Irish friend called the movie "Circle of Friends," "Ring Of Mates" at the ticket booth. My other friend from Russia had trouble buying tickets for the movie "What Lies Beneath," running out of synonyms: "What lies below...behind...beside???" Ah, poor foreigners.
And I swear that in 400 years, humans will be saying "fambily" instead of "family."

When I was a kid my mother always told me to "go play your Natendo" or "go watch nickelodeum." As with the above poster, for a long period of time, all video games were "natendo." Recently, I was watching a mixed martial arts event, which my mother cannot tell apart from boxing. When she actually saw it, she asked "what are you watching? Soomoo wrestling?"

My sister likes to make up words. "If anyone axes you where you heard that..." she'll say while gossiping. Also, she assures me when we have a heated argument that she "doesn't mean that in an insultacious way." Incidentally, she consistently uses words that she doesn't know the meaning of, then criticizes me when I use them correctly.

My brother-in-law teasing my sister at her lack of pop culture knowlege:

BIL: "Ok, then, try this one. Jimi Hendrix."

SISTER: "OHHHhhhhh, I know this one. Isn't he that Muppet guy?"

I'm serious.

I had a roommate in college who hated to repeat himself. He took great pleasure in criticizing someone's hearing when asked "huh?", "what?", or "excuse me?".

He'd say, "What....are you death?!", meaning, of course, deaf.

Boy, he thought that was hilarious and apparently never realized he was using the wrong word.

I went out with an American girl for 18 months and when I was over visiting her I was constantly asked to say "Three". Now I don't know if you know the Irish accent too well but most of us aren't arsed with the 'h' and just say "tree"! So for 18 months I constantly heard them making fun of me! Tree hundred and turty tree and a turd!

I always find it funny that most people in wisconsin pronounce wisconsin as "wis-GAHN-sin." In fact, once when I was in Louisiana a woman at a fast food restaurant startled me by yelling at my dad "WHat'll ya have wiss-CAHN-sin?" she fairly yelled it. it kinda freaked me out. i also think it sad that many people in my town pronounce milk as melk when most of the people around here are dairy farmers.

some of my favorites from my dad:
toilet - terlit
wash - warsh
roof - ruf
yellow - yaller

All I know is...Salmon is delicious!!!

my friends family live in the back woods of upstate new york and lack anything remotely resembling grammar. they pronounce Parmesan cheese par-may-see-ann. on a side note my friends mother thinks fiber is good for cholesterol because it cleans your arteries like a pipe cleaner. emm, scratchy!

All of my Sweedish friends enjoy that American treat, HooBa BooBa bubble gum.
And my grand father enjoys the "Double Mac" sandwich from Mcdonalds.

A friend of mine used to sing the popular KISS song:
I wanna rock and roll all night
And part of everyday

Because, you know, even rockers need their beauty sleep.

it really irks me when people ask for "chigga nuggits" at the mcdonald's where i work. but then again, i think mande's on to something. wisconsin people just like to be lazy with c's. however, wisc. is the best kept secret of the u.s.

My friend's mom once meant to say "you snooze, you lose", but instead it came out "you sneeze, you miss". We still crack up over that one. This was the same woman who referred to that Sandra Bullock movie "While You Were Sleeping" as "Before You Woke Up".

My father-in-law was trying to remember the name of the movie "As Good As It Gets" and said "What's that Jack Nicholson movie? 'It Doesn't Get Any Better'?"

My high school health teacher (English was not her first language) was talking about platelets. Their correct pronunciation is plate-lets, but she pronounced them plah-tell-ets. She had to ask us why we were all giggling.

Ah, thought of some more. My sister is awesome at saying "supposably" and "exspecially." She can't take being corrected either. My Dad usually takes pride in his extreme knowledge of everything (don't most dads) but if you ask him to pronounce an oriental name, forget about it.
"Jackie Chan" is impossible for him to say, infamous boxer Moo duk Kim is "kim duk too."

Even Steven Seagal is "Steve Seagull."

my favorite is my grandma after she had a rather large margarita. she decided she was feeling a bit "tootsy" as opposed to "tipsy"

My mom for the longest time called it "fan-THOM of the Opera." I had to correct her for fear of obnoxious theater people threatening to throttle her when she went to see Andrew Lloyd Webber's creation.

Other than that, I'm surprised you forgot to mention "Frageeelay! Must be Italian" in the best Christmas movie of all time: "A Christmas Story"

My buzzed father gave his five kids a lecture one Thanksgiving on the importance of knowing the "Heinekin maneuver." (choking? quick, wash it down!) He and my mom also recently enjoyed "that Joaquin Phillips" in Walk the Line.

Once I was going with my friend and his family to their grandmother's for Christmas. When we went by Ethan Allen's, his dad said, "There's Ethan Allen. Ever read any of his books?" My friend bust out laughing and said, "No, but go a few of his pamphlets before!lol".

my wife - adict instead of attic
my wife - Ex-presso instead of espresso (seems to be common)
my grandpa - Ar-da-be's instead of Arby's
my parents - back in the day, the phrase "That's what I'm talking about" was quite popular. To this day, my parents still say "I'm talking about that" instead of the original.

This uttered in angst-ridden frustration by my wife while attempting to navigate a congested shopping mall parking lot during the holidays:

"Man! This place is a NIGHTHOUSE!!"

I guess that's what you get when you cross a nightmare with a madhouse.

My mom also refers to kids who are hyperactive, as Hypo.
It NEVER MAKES ME LAUGH. It GRATES my nerves EACH AND EVERY TIME.

There's a little town near where I live, it has what I think is a unique, interesting name: Fuquay Varina. It is pronounced Few-quay Varina ( Varina rhymes with Tina). My dad always pronounces it Foo-kay.
Also, to him there is a grocery store chain called Harris Tweeter (Harris Teeter). Hilarious.

The wife and I were arguing about something one day and she threw her hands up in exasperation claiming I was being intentionally "ignert".

...

"You mean "ignorant" dont you honey?"
"No. I mean ignert! I-G-N-E-R-T IGNERT! Like you don't know what's going on or what you're talking about!"

Yeah, I won that particular argument.

"Also, he thought the Banarama song 'I'm your Venus' was 'I'm your Fetus'..."

At least fetus is better than penis, which is what I happily (and loudly) would shout out as I sang along...

One more from big Jack: On Saturday nights he and my mom would watch "Chuck Norris, Touched by an Angel, and Frontier Doctor." (Walker, Texas Ranger and Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. The only reason he can recall the angel show is because he would often say, "Roma Downey! I wouldn't mind being touched by that angel!")

In canada, we have a coffee chain called The Second Cup. My cousin always refers to it as The Third Cup. No idea why, that doesn't even make sense.

oh i just remembered!
my friend refered to Queen Latifia's "beauty shop"
as "bringing down the barber shop"

My friend was listening to Twista - Like a 24 loud in his room, and his father came in and started imitating the rapper and sang 'Shake that afro like a 24'

(The actual lyrics are 'Make that ass roll like a 24')

My MIL's husband says dis-A-ney instead of Disney for everything associated with the empire, amusment parts, movies, characters, etc. Of course we live near Dis-A-ney and can hear the Dis-A-ney fireworks from our house while watching Dis-A-ney on TV... it drives me nuts.

My sister refers to IHOP as HIOP. A little dyslexia going on perhaps?

my friends and i do this kind of thing for fun... we were in chicago the other day, and passed 'the house of bing" i guess it was a chinese resturant. but for the rest of the day it was 'the house of bling'... some of the ones ive heard from other people though were

"Everyone and their brother knows where i live" instead of everyone and their mother... it just was funnier because this was a female saying it.

and, someone was talking about a documentory they saw on the discovery channel about "The wreck of the Ella Fitzgerald" instead of Edmund Fitzgerald.... we still bring that one up to this day...

My mom is foreign, so I try to cut her some slack - but not too much slack, because she's been here for thirty years. She's notoriously bad with names. I came home from school one day and she commented that she had seen a preview for "Interview with a Vampire" and there was a handsome actor in it named...Blad Poop. How the hell to you get Blad Poop? It's not even a real-name-sounding thing! I now always think she's mad. Also, once when we were driving, she said, "Mrs. Rosner has gone on a new diet, she's given up all homosexuals." "Carbohydrates", I said. "Right", she said. I tried to explain to her that just because it has a similiar number of syllables doesn't mean it's the same word. Mom said, "Well, I think you should go on that diet. You know, give up all hydrocortisone." I cannot win.

One time my friend and I were riding in her car when we pulled up to a crosswalk and she said "Ped Zing!" I looked at her very confused and she was like ped zing- like it says on the road I was just reading it. You know how sometimes they write Ped Xing (for pedestrian crossing- that X stands for cross) on the road? All these years she had been pronouncing the X and thought it was ZZZZZing!

My mother made a classic goof up years ago when me and my friends were over for dinner...

Hey, you guys like that weird new cartoon, Ben and Stumpy, right?

We nearly spit out our dinners with the laughter! 10 years later and it still kills any of us to mention either Ben or Stumpy. Or BenandStumpy!!

My mother is hilarious. About 8 years ago, she decided that she wanted to get involved in our church's youth group by becoming a sunday school teacher for us. We really hazed her good (my older brother and I were in the youth group at the time) because, as great as a mother she is, she went through hell reading all those old-timey names. Examples include: Exod-ee-us for "Exodus", both Abraham and Abram shared the same name (Abraham, of course), principalities was prince-of-palaties, and Calvary was Cal-va-REE (indicating uber-emphasis at the end). Let's not even get into those long, drawn out lineage chapters in the Bible that for some odd reason she felt compelled to read every now and then...

Oh yeah...possible the greatest part of all, one time she did this little activity that involved "Christian" jokes on index cards. The one I got (I've had it in my wallet for about 7 years, and I still pull it out every couple years and pick on her about it) goes as follows:

"The other two disciples joined up with a different basketball team. What were these guys called?"

"The Parables (Pair of Balls)" (meant to say Pair of Bulls, but she seemed to have a manual typo error)

Okay, not the best, but imagine reading this joke off to a lady that almost wets herself (in the urinal way) giggling over monks pulling an 18-wheeler with ropes tied to their collective wang (it was on Ripley's). No "Jokes from the Booster Seat", but still pretty hilarious.

When I was a lad, I had 2 gerbils that used to run through the yellow, plastic tubing that my Mom referred to as "Hobbit-trail".

I have a friend who pronounces "rabid" as "RAY-bid." Technically, it's acceptable, but it always hits my ears as pretentious.

I had a hell of a name mix-up when I was trying to impress an older college student. We were waiting for the elevator from the main English offices when I referred to Karl Marx as Richard Marx. That was the longest elevator ride I've ever taken.

My wife accuses me of having "Chronic Lyricosis." It's a disease that involves the sufferer hearing the lyrics differently than the artist wrote them.

My most recent episode involved me hearing the words of the Alanis Moriswette song "Ironic" Which are written "...it's a death-row pardon 2 minutes too late" as "It's a death-throw hard-on 10 minutes too late."

"Moriswette"
Oh the Irony!

The other day, we were talking about Ingrid Bergman in Hitchcock movies, and my aunt said, "Oh, isn't her father, oh, what's his name, Edgar?" Then she started talking about you know, the one who played, oh, the one who always had a different secretary. We finally figured out she was talking about Candace Bergen... not at all related to Ingrid Bergman.

My mother says "kyoo-pon" for "coupon". I didn't think that was weird until I moved out, and people made fun of me for saying it the wrong way.

My mom tries hard to be hip, often unsucessfully. Once when Van Halen had just replaced David Lee Roth with Sammy Hagar, she peered at a video we were watching. We listened, amazed, as she observed the difference and said "That looks like Van Halen, but that's not....Robert Plant." So close, Mom.

Also, for longer than I like to admit, I thought Chik-Fil-A was pronounced Chick Filluh.

I will never again listen to an episode of the Simpson's again with out hearing my best friends 2 year old daughter singing along with the opening credits

..."DAaaa SYMPTOMSsssssss"...

My German father (although he has lived in the US for 45 years) often butchers English sayings. My personal favorite is "Liar liar hotpants!" instead of "Liar Liar pants on fire"

lmao "Liar liar hotpants"...think I'll start using that one :D

My Grandmother calls the movie Romancing the Stone "Passion of the Rock" and the sequel, Jewel of the Nile "Pebble in the Water". We saw them together in the 80's, and I still haven't let her live it down.

A few various family members pronunciations:
'I'm going to drive the Tyota, my Volkvawgen is in the shop'. 'Who the hell is Ted Nugget? His music sucks'. 'We made skaggetti for dinner'. 'Hot potatoes, hot potatoes, hot potatoes (Amadeus)'. 'No thanks, I only drink decaffimated coffee'. 'I like that Brett Pitt guy'. I have a very intelligment family.

I had a coworker who was SO bad, that we actually made a booklet of her sayings.

Once, she had watched HBO's Real Sex. She came to work and told us of how she watched a show and "all the mens were standing around in a circle and masacated themselves until they ejected."

When she discovered a lotion she liked, she said that the name of it was, "Land O' Lakes". I finally figured out that it was Oil of Olay!

We had a whole booklet of what we affectionatly called 'Lillyisms'.

I had a highschool science teacher from South America that would pronounce tong and THONG, and a statistics instructor who kept saying hypoSesis instead of hypothesis. So annoying.

My mom for the longest time would call Dasani water Dan-a-say

Mother in law totally mispronounces valance.

Wife while we looking for lights called a sconce a scone

When I was a teenager, my best friend and I were with her mom and the video store, and her mom kept telling us to get "American Babysitter" ... which was "Adventures in Babysitting."

15 years later, we still call it "American Babysitter" and crack up.

My father in law used to watch wrestling, back when "The Rock" was still wrestling. At the time The Rock had a tag line... "If you smellll what Rock is cookin'"

My father in law consistently would screw it up by saying " Do you smell The Rock cookin' something?"

When my friend's daughter was 3 years old she would say that her mommy's favorite soap opera was "The Young And The Rest Of Us". (The Young and The Restless)

While these are not movie or show titles, I feel that they fit right in.
I have a friend that has passed this onto her 3 children.. St ValentiMes Day, it is VALENTINES!
And My friend's Mom calls her favorite beer MillerS Lite. I guess Mr Miller brewed it himself.

The salad is probably too expensive if it uses "SIL-vered" almonds.

Also very fond of the word chaos. It's fun to encounter someone seeing it in print who has said, but never read the word (what's this? chouse?). Ditto to those attempting to type it, but not aware of its non-phonetic spelling (kayoss). Ahhh...thank you Internets for keeping English teachers in business.

My Fiancé relayed that the package we ordered was late and that “Suposebly” it will be here on Wednesday and that the situation was quite “Flustrating”
Aint she just cute enough to choke :)

My husband works with youth and is constantly coming home with hilarious stories of their reckless trashing of the English language. We totally use the words and phrases at home.

ie: "sandwiches" are now "sangwiches", and instead of saying "specifically" we say "pacifically".

has wash with an r come up yet? i have a friend that even spells it "worsh"

I too have a friend who "axes" me questions, and is "supposively" going to do this or that at a "pacific" point in time.

Drives me right up the fricking wall!

Of course, there are the childhood flubs which my family still uses...such as eating "pusketti" (delish!) and my younger brother needing to use the "brafroom" really, really bad.

My boyfriend and I also have our own language, a mix of gamer-leet and nerd-with-a-retainer. We call it "JEENEIOUS!"... involves the adding of "s"'s, "-ing"'s, and generally making ourselves annoying to those around us. Its especially funny when my mother tries to get on the "JEENEIOUS" bandwagon... good times!

In college, an adorable Spanish foreign student was in charge of the student activities, and she got up on a table in the middle of the student center one evening to announce loudly that the week's free movie would be "Wet Dreams May Come".

In our house, a hamburger is a hangerber, ingredients are ingreediments, popcorn is porecorn, and a headache is a head-atchy. Good thing we only have dogs.

another one i can attribute to my friends from the midwest is "Golf"...you know, "down dere in the Golf of Mexico."

my best friend notoriously mispronounces everything, and although "Joaquin Phoenix" is admittedly a tough one, after countless corrections she refuses to say his first name any other way than "Joe-A-Keen". makes me want to strangle her.

I still remember working at the public library when I was in high school. I was phoning patrons, whose book selections were available. Quickly glancing at the title, I informed a woman that her selection "Your Erogenous Zones" was in. The librarians froze & stared at me. Then one of them pointed out that the title was "Your Eroneous Zones."

This story happened at Christmas last year when my son was born on dec 18. My wife's family, including her mom, dad, brother, and sister-in-law came for a few days to celebrate his birth and of course, jesus' birth. (I secretly wished he would have been born a week later as I had gone around saying, "Hey, if it is good enough for the son of God, then it is good enough for the son of me." I'm atheist)

Anywho, the relatives were excellent. Peg nor I needed to lift a finger when it came to food preparation or housecleaning for the next week. We only had to keep Jeffrey, my son, clean and fed.

The In-Law clan worked feverishly to create a fantastic christmas dinner for all to enjoy. At one point my sister in-law-in-law stated that she was tired of slicing some sort of vegetable or another. Feeling guilty, and the actual cook of the household, I stated that she could be using the banjo in the cabinet to make the work go faster. Everyone looked confused.

"You know, the banjo slicer," I restated.

No one knew what I was talking about. I explained, "Haven't you ever watched FoodTv?" I lamented, "The chefs always have this gadget that they slide the food up and down on creating perfect slices. A Banjo!"

So I got up and pulled the thing out of the cabinet smug and triumphantly, "Here, use the banjo."

Everyone erupted into laughter. Tara, my sis-il-il said through her tears, "That's called a mandolin!"

My wife gives me sympathy laughter at most of my puns, giggles when I point out irony in the real world, but gushes tears if someone mentions ANY obscure kitchen implement.

My mom, being the odds player she is, when playing trivial pursuit one night, named Ken Barry as EVERY answer to every acting question, and i mean EVERY answer. this guy had some acclaim on "Mayberry rfd" but but his portfolio of work is not al pacino....so being the lovable assholes WE are, we use that as our default answer to EVERY name we don't know. oh and when a musician question came up it was ALWAYS bj thomas! i'm not sure how mom came up with these icons of tv and music but i guess she sees the world just a tad bit different than the rest.

Everyone took the ones I'd say, but I have a couple left:

When people pronounce "warrior" as "woyer" or "creek" as "crick".

hate to double dip so this next comment will be in the form of one sentence said by my late grandmother: "wrench out your hands before you take that tylonoid, because we are about to go to walmarts.
thank you, that is all

>My husband says "Chipoltnay" instead of "Chipolte" and since I corrected him he laughs<

I hate it when people say Chipolte when they mean Chipotle.

I just know that if I ever see someone type "opps" instead of "oops" in an email again, I will drive to his house and destroy his or her computer.

And when people add apostrophes wherever they damn well please. That drives me nuts. Looking at you, Twinkly.

My mother's husband (he is about 60yrs old) refers to Wolf Brand Chili as Chiliwolf, or a resturant they go to called Red Robin as Rockin' Robin. There are others.... to many to go on.

Oh yeah, and my mom always told me when it was time to shut off the "Intendo". I intend to shut if off soon, mom!

Yeah, I've noticed the "Chipolte" problem quite a bit, Dana.

My Mother and sister always call an onion and "onGion" Drives me crazy! Where the heck did the G come from?

ok here goes: Chipolte instead of Chipotle. The infamous supposebly. Toysaurus instead of Toys R Us. Happy Birfday! I'd like some Shashimi (instead of sashimi). Expresso, again. Relator instead of Realtor. He axed me (didn't it hurt?)

Instead of the more conventional "have some decorum", my Dad is fond of saying "have some decoré"... Decoré being a brand of shampoo.

to cables' grandmother's "walmarts", i raise you my grandma's "Walmark". she did frequent the local "Targets", however...

grandmas are funny.

I am guilty of having referred to P. Diddy as "P. Diddly", which I think suits him much better.

My husband's first language is not English and the fun never stops with his mispronunciations and mistakes. My favorite was his struggle to get me to understand who the "Cookie Dough Man" was. Exasperated, he finally said "You know, that white guy with the hat, he giggles when you poke his stomach." At first I thought he meant Santa Claus, but after a little more description of the guy, turned out it was the Pillsbury Dough Boy. Ah, foreigners...

I've had many a person "axe" me a question. Also, since I live in Vermont (and people don't pronounce their T's here), I have a native Vermonter friend who will swear that a Pontiac is called (and spelled) a "Ponnyack".

My dad loves to remind me of the time, shortly after we got our first computer when I made a sign in Print Shop. I was about 12 at the time. I wanted to make a sign that said, "Quiet Please: Brain at work." But it came out as "Quiet Please: Brian at work." So my dad is always telling me to use my giant brian to figure things out.

I had a physics teacher in college with a thick Korean accent who would pronounce it "phygics". And he'd say "phygical", too. Wouldn't be so bad if the word didn't come up so much.

My mom, as well as my friend's mom, refer to a certain Gamecube game as "Animal Crossings". Seriously. There's only one. Not several. Stop adding the "s", please.

re: the english not being a first language thing, my good friend was trying emphatically to describe something that would totally "knock your socks off"...what he actually said was "it will blow your socks out." cracks me up to this day!

My 5 year old daughter refers to our new apartment as our "new re-partment" and the theater as the "fee-ah-ter." She doesn't substitute "Th" for "F/Ph" with any other words.

I am from Kansas (born and raised) and so are many of my fellow university students. I attend WASHBURN, but many of our parents, relatives and varios loved ones (also Kansan) believe we attend WARSHBURN. Apparently the word "wash" doesn't exist in the majority of Kansan's lexicons.

My mom is from Spain originally but has lived in the US of A for well over 35 years. In that time she has yet to learn the correct pronounciation of "forehead" and insists on calling it "foreignhead", which I guess in her case is true!

Forgot one: I had a Korean economics professor that pronounced "sheet" unmistakably as "shit"

I can't stand it when people type "could of" instead of "could've". You know, it really grinds my gears.
Of course, I have to make fun of my mom whenever she says "fermiliar". She gets so angry, it's hilarious.
And another thing, one time me and my two friends were arguing over whether a certain phrase existed. My friend Amanda was convinced that her and I were "neck to neck" in Mario Kart. We tried to tell her that it was really "neck and neck", but she wasn't having any of it. It took multiple websites asking her if she meant "neck and neck" before she gave it up.

And who can forget the ever-popular, nucular. That's like nails on a chalkboard for me.

Love it when i hear grandparents talk about learning to use the "Interweb" on their computers.

My Mum says Filim instead of Film. It's only a little thing, but it drives me nuts. Plus, I tend to here it a lot, as I am a photographer. Sadly, it didn't end when I switched to digitital. I mean, come on! Digitital? i think she's doing in on purpose now.

I work under a Director of Billing Operations who publicly states that we can provide an "electronical" invoice.

One time my little brother and I came home and found our older brother in the basement drinking alone. He was playing 007 Goldeneye for N64. He was already so tipsy that he kept calling the Sniper Rifle a Snifer Riple...it has remained that to this day.

I hate when people say "warsh", as in "I'm going to warsh my clothes" or "Let me just warsh my hands first". When they say it, I ask them to pronounce the first president of the US's name, George WASHington, which they always get right. So then I ask them, "OK, if George WASHington had to clean his dishes, what would he be doing with them?" And they always reply smartly, "He's warshing 'em."

i was about 9, and my family was playing trivial pursuit at a family friend's house, who also had a 9 year old (my best friend). my family is catholic, and the other family is methodist.... the question comes to the methodist family: "what is the name of the current pope?" They can't think of the answer offhand, but their 9-year-old daughter yells out "I know!! Isn't it POPE PER-EE??" (as in potpourri, the delightfully smelling concoction).

Another game mishap.... while playing charades at a Polish friend's house, the Polish family got "polish" as the word to act out.... instead of miming the polishing of a shoe or a table, the started pointing emphatically at all the people of Polish descent in the room- nobody knew what the hell they were trying to say.

My mom used to work for Hallmark restocking cards at various stores. She worked with an older guy who called the Harry Potter cards "Harold Porter cards", and the Maya Angelou cards "Myrna Angelo". Ofra would be pissed.

when i was about 5 i confused the hell out of my parents by asking for a "can opener bed." they were so confused by my request that they had to take me to a furniture store to figure out what i meant. when i ran up to the bed of my dreams and pointed they looked at each other and said, "OH! A CANOPY Bed!" I'm 29 and they still tease me about it.

My dad drove me nuts when I was a kid, because he would pronounce the letter M as "elm" not "emm," so I had no idea what he was talking about when he would refer to "Elm" when discussing the alphabet-- a tree? huh? He also to this day pronounces the W in sword, which is a bit amusing as well.

Oh yeah, and my wife calls Popeye "Pupeye" and my cousin wrote a story for school about her summer vacation involving a cruise my family took. She wrote that my grandfather had found a "cuticle hair" in his water on the first night. What he actually had said was he found what he thought was a pubic hair. Ah, the young and innocent. What a vacation!

My chem teacher can't pronounce a thing:

"The other day, I saw Tree (3) yuge trees just sittin trere. That's the nature of the beast."

My mother in law pronounces "ancient" as "anxcient" and insists that it is spelled in that manner. She also pronounces the "O" in opossum. Oh, and she calls your "Crotch", your "crouch". HAHAH

Another one here.. Instead of Crayon people Crown. There is a huge difference............ and for all those out there that experience the WORSH instead of wash, I understand. my mother used to ask me and my sister to empty the dishworsher.. UGH!

rothbeastie - too funny!

My (native to Amsterdam) mother when my dad cut down a small tree in our yard, "LUMBER!!"

My old roommate always refered to some episode of "Law and Order: SUV," instead of 'SVU.'

My aunt really liked to eat at the neighborhood "lesbian" (more commonly know as Lebanese) restaurant. My grandma, however, preferred "Chick-A-Fil".

My mom is the queen of coming up with those. back in the day it was "party of nine"

But these days, my favorite of all, though non-movie related, is when she asks me to pass the "you can't think that it's not butter"

My dad once referred to "Free Willy" as "Play it again Willy".

My mom always reminds me of my little misnomer on a family roadtrip when I was 5.

As we drove past Mt. Lassen (an inactive volcano in the Northwest), "Look, mommy, a bolcano that's not interrupting!"

Son calls the theater a vid-e-er not sure why he has done it since he was 3 and is 6 now.

My boyfriend pronounces Ben Affleck with the same intonation as Bela Fleck, so it becomes Bena Fleck.

Grandpa says sleemp instead of sleep I don't understand why.

One of my favorites comes from my Dad who labelled a video "Dancing With Wolves" instead of "Dances With Wolves."

My wife often refers to the pamphlets she gets in the mail as "pamplets" which to me sounds like a little baby fart or something.

Then there's my grandparents who have a whole dialect all their own. A couch became a "counch", suitcases are "grips", and as far as I know water fountains in Wisconsin are all called "bubblers".

My mom always asks me how the ski-boarding on the mountiain was and refers to a western store called Gunnies as Goonies. Can't help but picture Sloth as the cashier whenever I drive by the place.

My Grandmother called a store's "doorbuster" sale the "ballbuster" sale. Funniest thing I've ever heard.

I had someone tell me not to feed salmon (the fish) to your pets because they would get salmonella poisoning.

I am still laughing about the calamari olives.

My daughter was watching Little House on the Prairie one day on the Hallmark Channel, which seems to run nothing except commercials for wheelchair scooter thingies, prescription insurance, and life insurance. In fact, Gerber advertises their "Gerber Life Grow-Up Plan For Children" on there regularly.

My daughter turned to me and asked why people would want a throw-up plan for their kids.

My freshman room mate in college (not a native English speaker) came home drunk one night and declared that he had been drinking either "long or short island iced-teas." He couldn't recall which. I still get a chuckle whenever I hear someone order a long island.

The mother of one of my friend once recorded "Dancer in the Dark", you know the film with the actress, "Borg" (I think she meant Björk).

Can you imagine Dancer in the Dark with the Borg character from Star Trek ?

HAhaha...Vladdie.

My friend's Bosnian boyfriend referred to ear-muffs as, "ear-muffins."

Last one, I swear!

Here in the Southwest, there is a popular hot sauce named Tapatio (with an accent over the "i").

It is prounounced as "TAH-PAH-TEE-YO" (with an emphasis on the "TEE"). My stepmother, however, always pronounces it as "TAH-PATIO", as in "patio furniture".

Since my father is Mexican, he and the rest of my family never fail to give her grief about it:

"Hey, it's nice outside, let's go sit on TAH-PATIO!"

"Don't let the dog onto TAH-PATIO chairs!"

It does bother me when people of the African-American persuasion drink ernge juice.

me and my friends think we are "sessy" after my speech impediment got in the way

A running joke in my family is the time my sister tried cheating on this dictionary game we have (I think it is called Blurt). The point of the game is to describe the word on your card to other people and have them guess what it is. She looked at the next card and passed it on to the next person. The word was "colonel". When the next person starts describing the word as a "ranking officer in..." she yells out "colonial". Haha, what a way to get caught cheating. Ten years later and we still don't let her live it down.

oh and when i was younger i used to sing "don't go jason waterfall!" to the TLC song. it was a common mistake among children ok!!

My all-time favorite has to be the East Texas renditions of the very hub of their existence. . . WALMART
Here are a few:
Walsmart
Walmarts (as in "I'm going to the walmarts to get me some lone star and shiner. yuntsome?")
Walt's Mart
but of course we all know how to really pronounce it
"Wally World!"

My brother once asked for "Mousetrap" the game. Mum went out looking for "Frog in the Pond" and came back with "Toad in the Hole". Go fig.

My dad's like that. Except it's more with common words.

Adhesive is not pronounced how most people say it. My dad actually says the "d". "AD-he-sive".

Citgo, the gas station?

It's referred to as "Zitgo". because that's what he says. And he has no clue what you're talking about unless you say "zitgo".

Gazebo? Nonoo. "Gezbo".

My friend Peter's dad can't pronounce "Merlot" [like the wine]. Instead of "mer-lo", it's "mer-lot". With the T.

Fathers are crazy. [[rolls eyes]]

Speaking of misheard lyrics, I thought that song "informer" by pre-eminem white guy SNOW was about a dairy farmer
"Farmer, I see you got a couple a cows in your barn. I'll milk your moo-moo cow."

After an unfortunate attempt to say beef stroginoff turned into Beef a strokin' off, we hereby have dubbed the dish "Happy Cow"

A friend used to {purposely} piss off bartenders [etc] by saying stupid stuff like: "You know I am the biggest fan in the world of that kids' movie...Henry Porter...." just to watch them lose their minds.

Did anyone mention "sammich" for sandwich yet? I'm sick of hearing stupid Jared from Subway say that. "They don't make the sammiches, you do."

i just read down a little on the board {i posted the above without bothering to read anyone else's....**cough} and can add a few pet peeve-ey ones: [i should note that, to me, these are WAY more than pet-peeves: i have thrown people out of bars; ranted, raved, and in general lost my shit over these--ergh...getting angry just thinking...must...write.....quickly.....]
**Nuclear is NOT New-Cue-Lar
**Regardless of what you're trying to say: 'IR-regardless is NOT a word!!
**Supposedly is NOT Sup-Pose-uh-Blee!!
**Realty..for god's sake...is NOT Ree-Luh-tee.
geez
So there. Dammit.

My stepmother refers to people from Mexico as "wetbacks." Drives me totally crazy!

An old boyfriend of mine used to say "I can't PHANTOM that idea." Yeah, he sure couldn't. He also thought that keeping a household was called "domestivity" and, for some reason, that "trepidation" meant flatulence.

Another friend, talking about a mutual acquaintance, once told me "He's very good at his job. He's really inept." "Don't you mean 'adept'?" I asked her. "No, he's INEPT! He's really good at it!" She was full of those...I wish I could remember more.

I was giving a Star Wars-themed presentation in history last year, and my friend scribbled in my notebook "Death Vader". I laughed in her face, but it made me sad.

Okay, I've got a couple.
I'm at work and need to access a coworker's laptop in a hurry, so I ask for her password. She yells out sesame seed. SO I type it a few times...nope, it's not working. Finally I get her to come over and do it herself...and she proceeds to type "sesameed" . Me:Oh, I thought you said sesame SEED. Her: I did. Sesameed seeds.
My mother and father both say Warsh, Warshington...and I got made fun of in second grade for saying it too!!!
I love foreign people who can't quite get sayings right. I used to have a boss from Polond who instead of refering to someone "breathing down your neck" would saying "jumping down my throat".
My favorite is people who use the term 'money shot' COMPLETELY in the wrong context!! (or at least from my understanding of the phrase).
"Okay, everybody get in really close to grandma. We are going for the money shot on this one"

My mother-in-law always called everybody's favorite animated yellow family "The Symptoms" -- which is probably really profound, in some way or other...

My grandma is convinced that "Reverend Blue Jeans" is a song by Neil Diamond.

My American Government teacher always says "Electorial" as in "Electorial College" instead of "electoral." it drives me nuts!

When I was a kid, I told people that my baby sister was about to get "bap-a-tized".

My mother calls a local restaurant McCormick and Schilling (both spices) instead of the correct "McCormick and Shmick".

I have a coworker that says Jessica MAC Clintock (with lots of emphasis to show you that she's pronouncing it correctly) instead of McClintock.

My sister used to Paul Nailish her fingernails.

My redneck friend once tried to say something was "gut busting", as in really funny, but instead she said "but gusting". This of course, made it truly hilarious.

Just thought of one more...my physics TA in college would quiz us on the for-MOO-la for velocity. That provided many laughs in an otherwise boring class. For-moo-la. Ha!

I'm from Memphis and used to work around a lot of people that would speak like this:

Let me "axe" you a question. Is the copier "broke"? Let me know "on" tomorrow.

(I think the "on tomorrow" thing is a regional thing. The other two I've seen many places, but they all make me want to kill... or is it "kee-al?")

Once you start thinking of these, they won't stop coming...

One of my all time favorites: the guide who wound up our tour of Death Valley Scotty's Castle by treating us to a recording of Beethoven's beautiful "Moonlight Sinatra".

I grew up outside of Pittsburgh, PA, which was pronounced Pixburg by the locals. People used an "arn" to iron clothes after they were "warshed", and used "patterens" to cut out shapes. My neighbor also said "chimbley" for chimney, and yes, everyone pronounced gyros "j-eye-ros". My favorite is the suburb called Versailles, which is pronounced "Versayles" by the natives! OMG! Thankfully, my parents didn't speak the vernacular, and I am blissfully able to blend into any midwestern crowd without too may weird pronunciations.

My aunt from New York told us to 'nook' things, as in nooking (nuking) pasta for lunch. My sister says pacific for specific. My mom does all sorts of weird things, but I can't remember any right now. Also, I am from Connecticut, and I have only met one person who said melk and pellow. And it bugs me to no end, so much so that we have forbidden that person to use those words.

My mom enjoys freshly grated par-may-zee-uhn cheese on her eye-talian food. Yummm sketti . . .

I pronounce orange as "aw-range", what with being from Massachusetts and all. I have lived in Vermont for something like five years and still can't say it "right".

OH! and there was the time Dad order a Penut Butter Barfait from Dairy Queen.

My grandma or Vovo as I call her, is Brazilian. She sings "My Bonnie" as "My Bunny"
Told my 3 year old sister she was "as cute as a butt" and not a button.
And always insists on calling me Daniella instead of Danielle.

I remember the time when a friend of mine's grandmother asked if he was going out to play "happy sock" (hacky sack).

this would be a little more acceptable if it wasn't one of their favorite movies, but my mom and dad refer to:
"Oh Brother, Where Art Thou"? as
"Oh Brother, Where for Out Thar"

My friend Cyndi is convinced that the Japanese mob (the Yakuza) are the "Ya-ka-zu-ka". She also loves "Marga-tinis" when we go out drinking.

Oh! thought of another. My eighth grade science teacher always wanted "us peebos" (us peoples) to "calcalate the pobalation by mobication" (calculate the population by multiplication)

My mom used to pronounce INXS like "inks".

one of my frienda (who tends to make up her own words all the time ) said that she wanted to do more stuff on a "whimsical" for example "i think we should go to vegas on a whimsical dont you think it would be fun?"

My mother says "JenniVer" instead of "JenniFer."

In the southern town I grew up in I heard lots of references to "Wal-Marks," "grind meat," and "intendo."

Another pet peeve of mine is when someone says he is going to "warsh" his car.

I was also chided by classmates as a youngster for not saying "ketch" instead of "catch."

Mom calls my dog Phantom, Phanthom, so now we call him that. She shops at Kmarts and eats Stoofels Mac & Cheese.

When I was young I made plastic model cars. While on a family trip I saw a lot of signs along the highway and asked my father what a motel (pronounced motl) was. I never lived that one down.

my ex-girfriend's grandfather once told me his favorite beatle was pink floyd. "you know, the long-haired one."

Also, the wreck of the "F. Scott Fitzgerald" (thanks for reminding me, Hazard!)

don't know if it's already been mentioned but my mother says EG-ZELerator instead of accelerator. drives me insane....

"Pacific" instead of "specific" really irritates me, theres a woman at work who does it.

Another guy at work says "dateth" instead of date

Typos are funny. I crack up everytime I think about this particular one. Someone posted on a forum I was browsing how "unborganised" they were, of course meaning how unorganised they were. I told my partner who is a Star Trek fan and its become a word we use quite regularly

My mother may one day need to attend a fruneral in Falorida, but some one will need to feed the gerbel.

A Belly danceing instructor asked for Pen-A-Lope every time she took attendence.

No, the Butternick patterns are not on sale.

And apparently, I am guilt of randomly alternating between "as" and "has" both in speach and writing.

My mother-in-law often confuses the word anus for anise. As in "is the anus flavor too strong in these cookies?"

Welp, many christmases ago our father would anxiously call us in to watch "Frosty the Snowshoe". We've never let him live it down, and frankly, he has no idea what we're talking about. My sister reminds me how our heavy accented mum would let us know that "Zeinfeld" would be on and we had better get our salads. Oh and back in the day She would also hound us that Jack Palanchov (yes, he was apparantly a Russian) was going to be on "Belove it or not" with a great shtory.
I"m shorry if this offends anyone.

Cheers
Alex

My family messes up what we're trying to say all the time, I swear I once said "The Yongest Lard." While making fun of the show "Walker: Texas Ranger" my mother slipped up and said "Tekker: Walkis ranger."

My best friend's Mom:

"The Man Who WAS There" (for the movie The Man Who Wasn't There)

"I like this Nevermore!" (for the liquor Everclear)

She's also quite talented at expounding accidental double entendres such as:

(While referring to people putting on weight as they age) "Men usually get it in the stomach area, and women tend to get it in the ass!"

My boyfriend and I were apparently taking too long to pick out candy at a convenience store because the clerk walked up to us and visibly shaken, said "What are you guys doing? You're...you're solicitating!" I couldn't help blurting out "Solicitating? Don't you mean loitering?" Poor guy probably just got robbed or something.

I had a conversation in High School with a girl who described her dream car as a Vulva (Volvo). I thought about correcting her, but then I liked the idea of her liking Vulvas.

I had a roomate once who fancied herself as quite the worldly person, but being from Rhode Island, didn't quite qualify. We were standing in the kitchen once, me, her and an Italian friend of hers. We were making Gnocchi, and she would repeatedly pronounce it NYEE-nyo-kee, all the while the Italian stood silently enduring the horrible mispronounciation. When I attempted to correct her by saying NYA-kee, she said "you mean NYEE-nyo-kee".

Riiiiight.

I remember my sister once thinking that people from Holland were refered to as: Hollandiers!

So, then Dutch people must be from "Dutchland".

friend of mine used to work at the movies.. when armageddon was playing someone called in and asked what time "are-MEGA-don" was playing.

and also, my dad likes to refer to any man-made graphics (painting, drawing or whatever) as "art-drawings"..

My mom was born and did most of her growing up in the Phillipines. She learned english there and for all intents and purposes learned it very well. Except she tends to over enunciate and can occasionally be led astray effortlessly.

We were visiting relatives in Texas one year and stopped in at a McDonalds for some lunch. We had been having a fun ol' time mangling the names of the menu items while figuring out what we wanted for lunch. Mom steps up to the counter and orders:

wahn (one) ten piece chicken McDropplet...
two Brutalizers...( a local burger joint back home had something called a "Big Brute)
And two Burger Kings.

Until then, I never knew a Texan could actually *stare* with an accent.

When I was a kid, everyone would laugh at me when I asked who Addle was. They only kept telling me we were going to Seattle.

My ex-boyfriend loved Pink Chocolate (Strawberry Quik)

While browsing in the cosmetics aisle, my husband asked why someone would need a product for Sun Decoration (skin discoloration)

And my father, King of the Malaprop, is a huge fan of Clancy Thomas (Tom Clancy) and couldn't wait to see Woody Harrison (Harrison Ford) in "A Clear and Present Stranger"

Recent slip of the tongue by a colleague:
"My grandmother, bless her hole..."

A wonderful woman who cleaned house for my mother's parents had some good ones. She would describe people as being "So fisticated", and once asked if anyone knew a "Notary Republican" who could stamp a document.

i think it's an aussie thing but i detest it when people 'arks' me things...

My mother-in-law shops at Lowells (instead of Lowes) and often heads on down to Walmarts.

It is hard not to laugh at her. The first time she said Lowells I thought it was a local hardware store or something.

I don't know if this here is an issue of correct pronunciation or not. The problem I have with it is simply that I never heard it said that way before and it sounds a little pretentious. I could be wrong in thinking so, or maybe not. Whatever the case, these people are otherwise very nice:

There is a relatively new museum here in New York City, the Rubin Museum. It specializes in artifacts, religion, and culture from Tibet and surrounding areas. Now, I was raised to pronounce that region the HimiLAYan Mountains, but all the geniuses at the museum pronounce it HimiLIEyan. It sounds ridiculous but I don't know who's being the stickler here, me or them.

Also, my sister used to mispronounce the song "Deck the Halls" when she was a very small child. "Deck the halls with boughs of holly, FUDDLE-LUDDLE-LA, DUH, DUH, DUH DUH!" That was adorable.

But this thread is supposed to be about mixing up names more than anything else, and I'm not remembering any at the moment, even though I know I've heard a few. I'll have to put it on the "backburner" and see if I remember any later on.

Reading these contributions was most amusing!

My grandmother normally has a very good grasp on pronunciation, but one word she cannot say is BANANA. She says BEE-AN-AHH.

Also, I work at a pretty trendy restaurant and STILL many "sophisticated" clients say EXPRESSO instead of ESPRESSO.

Last, I once worked abroad in London at the Texas Lonestar Saloon and the poor brits would butcher the tex mex pronunciation...here are just a few examples:

Guacamole = GUACK A MOAL
Quesadilla = Kwaysa Dill AH
Chipotle = Chip lot lee

Though those accents were still so charming!

"yeah, and I'm Cindy Low-per"

I had a friend that used to call a girl Moses all the time. I asked her why one day, and she said, "because she is slow as Moses!".

I kid you not!

Also, two things I hate more than anything are:

1. When people use the word anymore in the positive sense. (I go to the movies a lot anymore.)

2. I could care less. (Really? That makes no bloody sense!)

Oh, duh! There is a big one I didn't remember right away because the memory is so traumatizing that I keep repressing it!! That's right, a PSYCHO misnomer. I still haven't lived this one down, and if you've seen the way that certain pre-teen boys during the 1980s idolized various rock stars (and I'm sure they still do) then you'll have an idea of the insult I accidentally got myself into:

When I was a kid I knew the Beatles as John, Paul, George, and Ringo and of course I'd heard all their songs (sometimes on Muzak! in stores!). But I wasn't so knowledgable, or old enough to be obssessed even if I wanted to be, to know their last names. So......

When John Lennon was assassinated, I confused him with Jack Lemon. Everyone in the 6th grade was talking about the tragedy and genuinely sad about it, and I really stuck my foot in my mouth by saying, "I just don't understand why you people are so upset! Sure, Some Like It Hot was a funny movie, but it wasn't THAT good. Grow up and get over it!!" Those prepube boys just turned around and trained a collective withering stare on me that will always make me feel physically uncomfortable whenever I recall it.

Also, two things I hate more than anything are:

1. When people use the word anymore in the positive sense. (I go to the movies a lot anymore.)

2. I could care less. (Really? That makes no bloody sense!)

I've got a few. A co-worker famous for things like this once told us that she was out because she had bronchitis in her ankle. She really had bursitis.

To my step-dad: Al Pacino will forever be known as that El Camino guy, the leafy plant hasta is hoe-sta, and the Jewish holiday is Chane-ikka.

My grandmother loved the TV show Chikargo Hope, instead of Chicago Hope. Camera film is cemra filim. And apparently I live on Elim street, not Elm street. She's also a big fan of Dun Junsun (Don Johnson).

Also, the "Daunserly Light," a mystical locale somewhere close to heaven and not unlike the Elysian Fields of Ancient Greece.

That is "the dawn's early light" in "The Star Spangled Banner," and I know I'm not the only kid who was confused about that one because I read something or another by an author who was probably speaking for a LOT of little kids in doing so.

Years later, one of my best "performance art" (borderline insane) friends and I put together this skit about an opposite imaginary realm, or state of being. The schizophrenic "RED GLARE." We'd just fool around with words and speak in ridiculous tones of voice like puppets or cartoon characters and chant, "RED GLARE! RED GLARE! RED GLARE!" as a way of saying "Danger!" (and implying certain parts of the subhuman anatomy) until we'd fall down on the floor laughing. Okay, no more drunkenness and/or insanity from yours truly. I feel better now. Really.

my mom is big on not saying stuff right. shes a big fan of spicy foods, so anything with "chipoltey" (in my mom's pheonetics) is always a good place to start. continuing her foreign food love affair, she can never pass up a good plate of gyros (pronounced 'gyro', rather than the almost completely recognized and used 'euro' pronounciation)

around the house with my grandma, our living room has transformed into a fronchroom (rahter than front room) and after dinner us kids must "warsh" the dishes

Orca Winfrey.

Erika,

I read that post somewhere else, I'm sure of it. Have you posted that story before?

Hah. Mah nayum is Bee Jay Studburg and Ahm a Jeweesh adubee briyuck layer frum tech's ass, and ah'd lahke to give y'all a lessun in Franch, the langidge of luhhhhv. Are'ye reddy? Repeat aftuh me:

"BONjur MONseeYUR. Come. Ont. Al. Lays VOOZ, oh J-your DEWIE?"

Oh, Ahm verruh FAHN, thank'yee. Thet's TEXAN FRANCH and donch YOO fugeet id!

My Mother-in-Law always shops at Wal-Mark!!!

This right here is a misnaming in progress. See, there's an actual term for hearing the lyrics of pop songs incorrectly but except for a vague recollection I don't remember what it is. So I'll just call the phenomenon "Green Mondrian" and wait to be corrected by one of you who does remember it right.

My favorite Green Mondrian is "blinded by the light, lit up like a douchebag in the middle of the night." I knew there was no possible way this could be hearing it correctly and I mentioned it to an acquaintance, who was totally convinced that this in fact was the lyric as written. Of course she was wrong, but "deuce" doesn't make much more sense, if you ask me.

Some guy wrote two or three books about it, and I believe he has a website too. Hilarious.

i go to a buddhist temple where i learn vietnamese and buddhist stories and such

the older people there have heavy accents when they speak in english

the first time i was told to pick up my 'pack-pack' it was very confusing

Festress,

The most well known "Green Mondrian" (heh), is probably "Excuse me while I kiss this guy." (The sky).

Festress,

The most well known "Green Mondrian" (heh), is probably "Excuse me while I kiss this guy." (The sky).

Rothbeastie, I came very close to having an aneurism reading your post, it was so funny. Thanks. I needed that. The belly laugh not the auneurism.

Sorry for the double posts. Someone keeps microwaving downstairs and it is killing the ol' wifi.

A friend of mine once, after some amusing coincidence or another, once remarked "Well, you know what they say, 'all minds think alike!'" Needless to say, that's now the favorite saying of everyone who was present.

My fiancé's entire family refers to the grocery store "SafeWay" as "SafeWay's" with an s. It might just be an Oregon store... but its really annoying!

"Supposably" bugs me too!!!!!

I am also thoroughly annoyed by Flusterating, or Fustrating, instead of frustrating

In the 1970s Dad wanted to know if we were going to watch Battleship Galactica.

A despite driving by thousands of the yellow Subway signs, he liked to stop off at "Sub-n-Such" for a 6" meatball sandwich.

Thanks for the memories, Pops.

I thought of something else...

My mother is originially from Michigan (as am I, but I only lived there until I was 5, so didn't get the crazy linguistic influence she has) and apparently there are some strange regional pronounciations.

Robots = robutts
Gums = gooms
Mom = Mah (very nasal)
People who live in the L.P. (Lower Pennisula) are called "trolls" cause they live beneath the Mackinac (pronounced Mackinaw) Bridge.
And Uppers (pronouced Youppers) say something very, strange. When asking if you'd like to go someplace with them, they will ask "You want to go with? We go side by each".

Hand to God.

When people say mute rather that moot [point]. I wish they would stay mute.

A friend's small child, learning the anatomical names for male and female body parts, asked her Grandma if she had a vulva. The Grandma paused, and said "No, I have a Subaru".
Back in the 80's my young son called a popular tv show "Your Ami Vice" instead of the more commonly known "Miami Vice".

At my last job the fire alarm would go off for no reason. A coworker of mine attributed this to "moistment" in the wiring.

12 yr old neighbor kid down the street sees me outside working on my car and stops to chat. He tells me that he's thinking of breaking up with his girlfriend because she's too much of a prune.

I was at the counter of a gas station when a 80 yr lady walked up to the counter and asked " Where the CONDOMS at?" both the clerk and myself looked her and cocked our heads like the unbelieving puppy as she repeated "Where are the CONDOMS at." It was only then that we realized she had a Hot Dog in her hand and was looking for the Ketchup and Mustard for said Hot Dog.

i definately said "poking smot" instead of "smoking pot"

and "liding the right lail" (riding the light rail)

i may or may not be dyslexic

My mother is a big fan of the Hugh Grant movie "What About a Boy,", the Harrison Ford thriller, "What Lies Beneath It" and she especially loves "Law and Order: SUV."

When my friend's younger brother was 6 years old, he said "cell-a-phone" instead of "cellphone." He mixed "telephone" with "cellphone" (incase you didn't get that). So now we all call our cellphones "cellaphones"

So a long time ago when I was still golfing, my dad, my uncles, my grandpa and I were doing a round of 18 holes. There is a creek running down the middle of hole 5's fairway and my Grandpa gets himself stuck in the creek under the bridge. When he f