Subway toasts its sandwiches now.

Apparently this is an important advancement for them because if you go to their website, an animated "FRESH TOASTED" flies across the screen.

I'm sure they did this in response to Quizno's. They're so proud of their toasting abilities, their slogan is "MMMM...TOASTY!"

So, what we have here are multi-million dollar campaigns based on the fact that each of these companies bought a toaster.

I enjoy toast and toasted items as much as anyone, but is this really the secret key to dominating the sandwich market? My five-year-old can make toast! A fucking hobo with a garbage can fire can make toast.

I had no idea toast was so powerful. Maybe I should change The Sneeze slogan to: Half zine. Half blog. ALL TOAST! I'll just need to switch over to a server that can handle the crush of new toast traffic.

And speaking of Subway, didn't they used to cut their sandwiches differently? I remember they would cut a wedge out of the top like a lid and put all the stuff inside. It was like a little boat full of meat. I don't know if it was better, but it was wackier, and I liked that about it. I miss my meat boat.

I have no idea why it went away, but I bet that fat-ass Jared had something to do with it.