My four-year-old has started writing his own jokes. They're hilarious.

They are also completely unfunny in every way. But they sound like jokes, and he really sells the punchlines hard, which makes them all that much funnier.

Here's his first joke. If you have a speaking engagement coming up, feel free to loosen up the crowd with this little zinger...

(HIGHLIGHT TO REVEAL ANSWER)

Q: "Why did the boy jump into the pile of peanuts?"

A: "He wanted to play soccer!!!"

I'll admit it's a bit of a thinker, but with this joke you will kill. Kill!

I guarantee it.

Once the crowd is begging for more, follow up with this other joke he wrote, then sit back and wait for the laughter to die down. (That is if the crowd isn't already carrying you off on their shoulders to buy you beer and sex.):

(HIGHLIGHT TO REVEAL ANSWER)

Q: "Why did the man throw a stick of butter at the ceiling fan?"

A: " He wanted the blades to stop turning!"

HEE HEE HAW HAW HO HO HEE!!!

Ha Ha Ha!

hee.

You see the ceiling fan... and the butter...

Fuck you, he's four.