I heard Ernie singing the "Rubber Duckie" song on Sesame Street this morning. I guess I had never paid close attention to the lyrics before, because in the second verse Ernie sings:

What about Bert?! Does he know about this??

I can just see poor Bert at home, making Ernie's bed with the TV on in the background. This song comes on while he's fluffing Ernie's pillow just so. Then Ernie happily confesses that after all this time a cheap rubber toy is actually his "very best friend," and Bert's little muppet world comes crashing down around him.

Later Bert desperately tries to figure out where he went wrong as he sits in the kitchen, sobbing and sipping chamomile tea. His felt cheeks soaked with tears.

Way to go, Ernie, you giggly orange prick.