Spending quality time with your children is important. About a year ago my son literally discovered his nuts one night while pawing at himself, and I'm thankful I happened to be there for that ridiculous moment in his life.

He had been well aware of his little pecker for quite some time, but somehow the wonder twins below had managed to elude him. Then one night, I was putting on his pajamas and he made his miraculous finding. He couldn't believe it. In pure amazement he shouted out, "DADDY! THERE ARE BALLS IN MY BUM!" He then went on to squeeze the shit out of them for the next five minutes.

To this day he will occasionally still refer to them as his "Bum-balls." I would correct him, but it amuses me. SO I SHAN'T!

While we're on the topic of anatomy, despite the fact that my friends and I are grown men, we still find ourselves talking about how a woman's sexual apparatus, (clinically known as "the hooey") is a lot lower than you'd think it is. For any guy about to score for the very first time, it's a wake-up call when you find out just how far down there that thing actually is. Nobody warns you about that.

I think women who are about to be with a virgin should consider foregoing that Brazillian they were thinking about, and get a wax job in the shape of an arrow leading the way. It would also be really cool if it could blink.

One final anatomical note: When it comes to making the sweet love, I don't like my nipples being messed with. I'm sure there are guys out there who don't mind it, and some who totally dig it, but I'm really fine with them being left out of the mix. Mine are purely there for decoration. (But by all means, feel free to check in with the bum-balls.)