Happy Presidents' Day! It is time once again for The Sneeze to salute this country's 27th leader:

In fact, if you rearrange the letters in "PRESIDENT TAFT" you get the anagram: "TIRED, FAT, SPENT." (Interestingly, if you rearrange the letters in the word "ANAGRAM" you get the sentence: "ONLY DORKS LIKE ANAGRAMS.")

At his peak, Taft tipped the national scales at 350 pounds. Legend has it he once got stuck in the White House bathtub. He later had a new tub installed that was large enough to hold four men, thus assuring he could easily rinse the Presidential Ass. (Or the asses of four men.)

I even came across an actual chart that maps his weight gain. Note how it peaks during the presidency. Some might feel this was a reaction to the stresses of running the country. I prefer to think he was simply doing everything he could to secure the record of "Fattest President" for himself. Call me crazy, but he was also the first president to have cars at the White House. Everyone knows, when you're going for girth, walking don't get you in the record books.

I would like to conclude this salute by informing you that NAAFA is the The National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance. Now, Lincoln may have freed the slaves, but you don't see him in the NAAFA Hall of Fame, do you? Do you?! No, I don't think you do.