Every once in awhile, I will get out of the shower and be completely unable to remember if I washed my hair. Am I crazy? Does this happen to anyone else?

It's very important that I wash my hair. If I don't I will look like a homeless madman by lunchtime.

What usually happens is I'll be taking a shower, deep in thought of Charlize Theron my work with the church. I'll get out, put on my robe, and be like "Shit! Hair!" Then I'll spend the next minute rubbing my head to see if it feels "squeaky."

Okay, you got me. This is hard for me to admit, but I was lying about the church thing. I guess the only upside to all this is the very slim chance that Charlize Theron is attracted to homeless madmen. I realize it's a longshot, but you never know. Then again, even if she is, I have a feeling that hooking up with her sounds exactly like the kind of thing my wife would "frown upon." God she's selfish.

If the tables were turned I wouldn't care. If Charlize wanted to get busy with my wife, to "tap that ass" as the kids say, I'd be totally fine with it. In fact, I might even make the bed and root them on with a big foam finger. Ooh-- and then maybe they could take a shower together. And maybe I could join them, you know, just to help everyone remember to wash their hair.