As long as Gilligan's Island has been on the air, men have asked themselves the difficult question: "Ginger or Maryann?"

It's a valid question, and one that requires careful thought, but I say: WHAT ABOUT LOVIE?! Holy crap, poor Lovie! Totally ignored. Not even on the ballot. I don't care how rich she is, that can't feel good.

So, I'm officially going on the record to say, "I'll bang Lovie." I know she's old, but what the hell.

"But Steve?! How could you do that?!"

Well, I'd like to think Lovie would: A) Be appreciative. And more importantly, B) Put me in the will (or at the very least, be my sugarmama).

Sure she's married, but I think Thurston's too busy counting his money and too old to care. Hey, at least I'm not a Yale Man. Egad!

In our celebration of youth in this country, the elderly are so often just cast aside. Consider this my way of giving something back to our silver seniors. It's the least I can do. (Actually, I'll just dim the lights in our hut and pretend it's Maryann.)

You can learn more about Ginger and Maryann at your local public library, and at retroCRUSH!