Here's the first three to start the ball rolling...

UNITED STATES

Baby, baby
Stick your head in gravy
Wash it out with bubble gum
and send it to the Navy

.........................................

SOUTH AFRICA

Yum yum bubble gum
Stick your finger up your bum
If it's nice, lick it twice
Yum yum bubble gum

.........................................

DENMARK

Hvis og hvis min røv var spids
og fuld af limonade,
så måtte du min ven slikke
den til ballerne blev flade

English Translation

If or if not my butt was pointy
and filled with lemonade,
then you my friends could lick it
until my buttocks were flat

Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct english translation

Hey Guys, thanks for all the great obnoxious kid rhymes from around the world. Keep 'em coming! Here's 3 more for the Global Schoolyard Rhyme Project. I'll be posting more of them soon.

SOUTH AFRICA (Afrikaans)

Ek sien 'n skilpad op die pad
Ek tel hom op, hy maak my nat
Ek sit hom neer, hy doen dit weer
Die donner!

English Translation

I see a tortoise on the path
I pick him up, he pees on me
I put him down, he does it again
Damn it!

.....................................

RUSSIA

Ia sedgu na vishenke
Ne mogu nakushatsia
Diddia Lenin govorit
Nado mamu stushatsia

English Translation

I am sitting on a cherry tree
And can't eat enough cherries
Uncle Lenin says
I have to listen to my mother.

.....................................

KOREAN

yimone jibe gattaga
amtak sutak jabasuh
gilume doong doong dounungut
na han sougal anuji
orrijibe wabara
soo soo padtuk anjuji

English Translation

When I went to my aunt's house
they slaughtered a rooster and a hen
and cooked them in an oily broth
but they didn't give me even one spoonful
Well, when you come to my home
I wont give you any rice cake!

Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct english translation

Here are some more outstanding obnoxious kid rhymes from Japan, Denmark and Israel!

If you've got a good one, send it on in!

ISRAEL

(This is the english pronounciation of Hebrew.
I used "Steve," but any name can be substituted.)

Steve hashamen
babeten yesh lo ben.
Eich korim laben?
Steve hashamen!

English Translation:

Steve the fat guy,
within his stomach there's a child.
What's the child's name?
Steve the fat guy!

Sent by: GrooveyGravy

...............................

DENMARK

Lille kat, lille kat, lille kat på vejen
Hvis er du? Hvis er du?
Jeg er s'gu min ejen.

English Translation:

Little cat, little cat, little cat on the road
Who do you belong to? Who do you belong to?
I am very damn well my own.

Sent by: Laurie Z.

...............................

JAPAN

Tan-Tan-Tanuki no kintama wa
Kaze mo nai no ni
Bura bura bura

English Translation:

The Fox-Fox-Foxdog's testicles are
Despite there being no wind blowing,
Swaying, swaying, swaying.

Sent by: Jason

Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct english translation

Here's a fresh batch of fantastic and quasi-disturbing kid rhymes from Russia, Holland and Germany!

If you've got a good one, send it on in!

RUSSIA

1st person: Skazhi klay..
2nd person: klay
1st person: skooshay bahnochku soplay!

English Translation:

1st person: Say "glue"
2nd person: Glue
1st person: Eat a can of boogers

Sent by: Daniella

...............................

HOLLAND

... (name) is gek
met een lepel in zijn bek
met een vork in zijn kont
zo loopt hij de wereld rond.

English Translation:

... (name) is crazy
with a spoon in his mouth
with a fork up his ass
that's how he walks around the world.

Sent by: Eliane

...............................

GERMANY

Eia popeia
Schlags Goeckele tot
Er legt keine Eier
Und frisst mir mein Brot

English Translation:

Aya popaya (nonsense)
Beat the rooster to death
He doesn't lay eggs
And he eats my bread

Sent by: Prensador

Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct english translation

While we're on the subject, check out some of the many verses to the classic "Diarreah Song" as compiled by the mighty mighty retroCRUSH!

Here come some new kid rhymes from Slovenia, Spain, Israel, and New Zealand for the collection.

If you've got a good one, send it on in!

SLOVENIA
(Insert any name.
I used "Steve".)

(Steve) se pa joce,
kaj mu je?
hlacke ima polulane
sram ga je

English Translation:

(Steve) is crying
What's with him?
His pants are pissed,
He's ashamed

Sent by: Michael

...............................

NEW ZEALAND

Yum yum
piggy's bum
makes nice chewing gum

Sent by: John E.

...............................

SPAIN
(The Mallorcan dialect of Catalan)

Ton pare no té nas
ton pare no té nas
ta mare és xata
i es teu germà petit
i es teu germà petit
té es nas de rata.

English Translation:

Your father has no nose
your father has no nose
your mother's is flat
and your little brother
and your little brother
has the nose of a rat.

Sent by: noonless

...............................

ISRAEL

hatul hirben halech vekaka biadeicha!

English Translation:

A cat has shat on you,
and poo is in your hands!

Sent by: Grooveygravy

Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct english translation

You can find the entire collection here.

The international collection of obnoxious kid rhymes rolls along with this hilarious triple-shot from Canada:

QUEBEC #1

C'est Martine
La pas fine
Qui a pissé dans ses bottines
Sur la rue Ste-Catherine
En bicycle en gasoline

English Translation:

It's Martine
who's not nice
who peed in her boots
on Saint Catherine Street
On her motorcycle

...............................

QUEBEC #2

Nous autres on est champions, champions
Eux autres sont champignons!

English Translation:

Us, we are champions, champions
Them, they are mushrooms!

...............................

QUEBEC #3

Nous les filles,
on a du coeur, du caractère, des beaux yeux clairs.
On a des belles jambes,
des belles cuisses,
on est 36-24-36,
Et pis quand les gars nous voient`
"Wow, viens-t'en icitte!"

Vous les gars,
vous êtes niaiseux, paresseux et prétentieux
Vous avez pas de belles jambes,
pas de belles cuisses,
vous avez pas 36-24-26
Et pis quand les filles vous voient,
"Ouache, vas-t'en d'icitte!"

English Translation:

Us girls,
We've got big hearts, personality, nice bright eyes
We have nice legs,
nice thighs,
we are 36-24-36
And when the guys see us,
"Wow, come here!"

You guys,
You are stupid, lazy and pretentious
You don't have nice legs,
nice thighs,
you are not 36-24-36
And when the girls see you
"Yuck, get out of here!"

Sent by Catherine and Chuck

Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct english translation

See all the rhymes here.

In this installment of obnoxious schoolyard rhymes from around the world, it seems that Jingle Bells is a popular target for kids everywhere. Here are 4 great ones from New Zealand, Brazil, Spain and The U.S - inspired by and sung to the tune of Jingle Bells (in their native language).

NEW ZEALAND

Jingle bells, jingle bells
Santa Claus is dead.
Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear,
Shot him in the head.

Barbie doll, Barbie doll,
Tried to save his life.
But a GI Joe from Mexico
Stabbed her with a knife

From: The children of New Zealand
(and Janice Ackerly)

...............................

BRAZIL

Jingle bells, jingle bells
acabou papel
não faz mal não faz mal
Limpa com jornal

O jornal é caro
Caro pra xuxú
Como eu fazer
para limpar meu...
Jingle bells, jingle bells

English Translation

Jingle bells, jingle bells
The toilet paper ran out.
No problem, wipe with the newspaper.

The newspaper is expensive.
Damned expensive!
What am I going to do to wipe my...
Jingle bells, jingle bells

Sent by: cbrayton

...............................

SPAIN (CATALAN)

Tinc un pèl, tinc un pèl,
tinc un pèl al cul,
jo en tinc dos, jo en tinc dos,
que és un més que tu.

English Translation:

Got a hair, got a hair,
Got a hair on my ass.
I've got two, I've got two,
And that's one more than you.

From: Trevor

...............................

AMERICA

Jingle Bells, Batman smells
Robing laid an egg
The Batmobile lost a wheel
And the Joker got away

Sent by: me

Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct english translation

Here's a new bevy of obnoxious international kid rhymes. This batch features ones from Bangladesh, Russia, and a bit of a theme from England and Canada. (I love when that happens -- so odd that it would be that song.)

If you've got a good one, send it on in!

BRIGHTON, ENGLAND

We had joy, we had fun
Flicking boogies at the sun
But the sun was too hot
So the boogies turned to snot

From: ToeKnee

...............................

CANADA

We had joy, we had fun
Sticking pickles up our bums
But the pain got too strong
'Cause the pickles were too long

from: Annie

...............................

BANGLADESH

Ada Pada Lobon Chaadaa
Paad Disey key?
Tui !!

English Translation

Ada Pada Lobon Chaadaa (nonsense)
Who has farted?
You!!

from: Jabin

Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct english translation

See all the rhymes here.

It's been awhile since I put up some new obnoxious kid rhymes from around the world, so here are a few from Holland, Ireland and The Channel Islands (which is just off the coast of France, sent in the language of Jèrriais.)

HOLLAND

Wat je zegt ben je zelf,
met je kop door de helft,
met je kop door de muur,
ben je morgen weer zuur!

English Translation:

What you say applies to yourself,
with your head in half
with your head through the wall
you'll be sorry again tomorrow!

Sent by Thijs & Wiarda

...............................

CHANNEL ISLANDS #1

Jean Stcheltonne
lé tchu lî sonne;
quand la mé monte,
lé tchu lî dêfonce;
quand la mé d’vale,
lé tchu lî dêhale;
quand la mé r’tithe,
lé tchu lî vithe;
et quand i’ gèle,
lé tchu lî pèle!

English Translation

John Skelton
his ass sounds;
when the tide comes in,
his ass breaks;
when the tide falls,
his ass comes out;
when the tide goes out,
his ass veers (he has diarrhea);
and when it freezes,
his ass peels!

...............................

CHANNEL ISLANDS #2

"Tch’est qu’est tan nom?"

"Man nom est man nom,
et l’tchein est êcrit souos la coue d’couochon!"

English Translation>

"What’s your name?"

"My name is my name,
and yours is written under the pig’s tail!"

Sent by: Geraint Jennings

...............................

IRELAND

Tattle-tale tit,
Your tongue's going to split,
Your brother can't go to bed
without his dummy-tit.

(a dummy-tit is a baby's pacifier)

Sent by: Johnnylaw

Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct english translation

See all the rhymes here.

Here's a fresh batch of obnoxious kid rhymes from Autralia, The Soviet Union and Rio. Thanks again to everyone for your submissions!

SOVIET UNION

Pervoye maya, pervoye maya,
kuritsa hromaya
a petuh kosoy
podavilsya kolbasoy

English Translation

First of May, first of May
a lame hen
and a crossed-eyed rooster
choked on a sausage

Sent by: eisje

...............................

AUSTRALIA

Boys are strong,
like King Kong!

Girls are weak,
chuck 'em in the creek!

(This can also be reversed, for sexual equality.)

Sent by Petra

...............................

RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL

Silêncio no tribunal!
Tira as calças do general!

English translation:

Silence in the court!
Take off the general's pants!

Sent by: rrocha

Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct english translation

See all the rhymes here.

How many times have you been working out, or eating your cereal or burying the body out back and thought: "Golly, The Sneeze is pretty okay. How come it's never featured on pg.22 of the August issue of Harper's Magazine?"

Well, guess what, Bubba? Your dreams have almost come true! The Sneeze IS in the August 2004 issue of Harper's, but it's actually on pg. 24. (Now don't feel bad, you were really close!)

Harper's has published 12 rhymes from the Global Schoolyard Rhyme Project.

I will admit it's a little odd seeing The Sneeze mentioned in such a well-respected periodical as Harper's. But let's not question it. Let us just enjoy, and say "Thank Yooouuuu, Harper's!"

Now all we need to do is get "Steve, Don't Eat It!" in the next issue of Gourmet.

3 new ones straight from those nutty kids in Finland and Portugal. Enjoy as they target Batman, Santa Claus and a local drunk...

Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct english translation

See all the rhymes here.

Here's 2 quick filthy ones, making the trip from Norway! (Surely Harper's would have included these if it wasn't too late.)

Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!
Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct english translation

See all the rhymes here.

It's been a while since I've added to the Global Schoolyard Rhyme Project. Here's a great one from the Philippines proving once again that no matter where you go, kids are funny little pricks.

If you have one, send it on in!

PHILIPPINES

Isa, dalawa, tatlo,
Ang tatay mong kalbo.
Umutot parang bumbo
Parang kanyon di rapido.

English translation:

One, two, three,
Your dad is bald.
Farted like a bomb
Like a rapid cannon.

Sent by: Aileen

Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!

Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct English translation

See all the rhymes here.

Things have been pretty active in the ol' international playground lately. Here are a few new ones sent in for France, Belgium and Italy...

FRANCE

je suis bourée, je suis bourée
je vais pisser tout seule
je suis bourée, je suis bourée
je vais pisser sur ta mère

English translation:

i am drunk, i am drunk,
i will pee all by myself
i am drunk, i am drunk
i will pee on your mother

Sent by: Anthony

---

ITALY

Pepsi-Cola
Coca-Cola
Osso Duro
V'a fa'un culo

English translation:

Pepsi-Cola
Coca-cola
Boner
Go fuck yourself

Sent by: Brian

---

FLANDERS, BELGIUM

Olé, Olé
En Steve dat is een ei
En hij zit in bad met zijn vinger in zijn gat
Alé Alé Yay!

English translation:

Olé, Olé
And Steve he is an egg
And he takes a bath with his finger in his ass
Alé Alé Yay!

Sent by: Peter

(This rhyme is from Flanders, the Dutch speaking part of Belgium. Peter says you can substitute any name, but I do enjoy a nice finger-in-the-ass bath as much as the next guy, so why change it.)

Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!

Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct English translation

See all the rhymes here.

I've received some terrific new global schoolyard rhymes for the collection recently, but what's interesting about this one is everybody already knows it. I don't know if it hails from France or Quebec, but since the sender asked so nicely to credit the Quebecois, Quebec it is.

That being said, please enjoy the extremely popular kid's rhyme "Alouette" and its surprisingly gruesome translation. An "alouette" is the small bird known as a "lark."

QUEBEC

Alouette, gentille alouette!
Alouette, je t'y plumerai!
Je t'y plumerai la tete!
Je t'y plumerai la tete!
Et la tete!
(Et la tete!)
Alouette!
(Alouette!)
La, la, la, la! etc.

English translation:

Lark, friendly lark!
Lark, I will pluck you!
I will pluck your head!
I will pluck your head!
And your head!
(And your head!)
Lark!
(Lark!)
La, la, la, la! etc.

(As the song continues through its repetitions (actually permutations) we continue from la tete to les yeux and thus onward until we've torn up each body part. Then we start again.)

Sent by: the higher critic

Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!

Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct English translation

See all the rhymes here.

I've received a ton more submissions to the collection of obnoxious international playground rhymes. Thanks to everyone for sending so many great ones in.

Here's the first entries from Greece and Estonia!

GREECE #1

Koonia bella
Pi papa stin bellia
Ti tha fame vrathi?
Koutsolia me lathi!

English translation:

Swing pretty girl
Daddy's going to the vineyards.
What will we eat for dinner?
Bird poop and oil!

Sent by: Antigoni

---

GREECE #2

Ftasame! Ftasame!
To vreki sou hasame!

English translation:

We've arrived! We've arrived!
We lost your underwear!

---

ESTONIA

Peeter Peeter peeretas,
suure linna väravas
Terve linn oli haisu täis,
Peetri püksid paska täis.

English translation:

Peter Peter farted,
within a big city's gates.
The whole city was filled with stench,
Peter's pants were full of shit.

Sent by: Laine

Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!

Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct English translation

See all the rhymes here.

It's been quite a long time since we've set foot in the old International Playground. I just happened to have received 3 fun rhymes from Japan, Taiwan and Spain recently, so I thought I'd put them up.

If you're new to this section, it's an on-going collection of obnoxious schoolyard rhymes from around the world -- proving that no matter where you go, kids can be funny little jackasses.

(What's that? Was the Global Schoolyard Rhyme Project featured in Harper's Magazine? Yes. Yes it was. Thanks for asking!)

TAIWAN

Dato Dato Xiayu Bu Cho
Ren Jia Yo San Ni Yo Da To

English translation:

Big head big head, not sad when raining
Others have umbrellas you have big head

Sent by: Alan

---

JAPAN

Mi chan Mi chan,
unko tarete.
Kami ga nai kara
te de fuite.
Mottainai kara
tabechatta.

English translation:

Mi chan Mi chan
dropped a Poo.
They had no paper
so they used their hand.
Shouldn't waste it,
So they ate it.

Sent by: Lisa

---

MADRID

Yo tengo un moco.
Lo saco poco a poco.
Lo redondo, y redondo,
y lo tiro a mi amigo.

English translation:

I have a booger.
I pull it out little by little.
I roll it up and roll it up,
and throw it at my friend.

Sent by: Pax

---

See all the rhymes here.

It's time for another edition of schoolyard jack-assery, culled from the fine children of our planet.

The Netherlands, France and Denmark, checking in...

THE NETHERLANDS

Eén april
Kikker in je bil

English translation:

First of April,
frog in your butt.

Sent by: Masha

---

FRANCE

Grosse tête
Petit cul
Quand tu pète,
on te vois plus!

English translation:

Huge head
Tiny ass
When you fart,
you disappear!

Sent by: Jessica

---

DENMARK

Bennys bukser brændte
Børge råbte "Åh!"
Børge havde nemlig
Bennys bukser på

English translation:

Bennys pants were burning
Børge yelled "Oh!"
Because Børge was in fact
Wearing Benny's pants

Sent by: Kasper

Do you have a great obnoxious kid rhyme from outside the U.S.?
Send it here for the next update!

Just be sure to include:
1) The rhyme's originating country
2) The rhyme in the original language
3) The direct English translation

See all the rhymes here.