April 2010 Archives

Me, My Elf and I

I remember once when I was a teenager, I was walking through the woods and I came across an old pair of leather boots. The incredible thing is, when I looked inside of them I found 4 pieces of gold!

The not incredible thing is, I was a fat, lonely nerd playing Dungeons & Dragons.

Interestingly, playing Dungeons & Dragons is how I met my first girlfriend. (That's actually not true. Sometimes I just like typing sentences that no one has ever seen.)

Recently I was on a small quest in my garage where -- after doing battle with a horrifying Level 14 Daddy Longlegs -- I did discover a treasure chest of loot from my youth. The most amazing item in there was a Dungeons & Dragons Adventure Module.

What's special about this one is it's a "SOLO" module, so you don't need anyone else to play. It's not just for nerds, but for those belonging to the sexy subset: Nerd With No Friends.

On a more positive note, unlike your dad's old Playboys -- Dungeons & Dragons Solo Adventures were a means of playing with yourself that didn't need to be hidden under a mattress. Although I'm sure my parents would have given anything to see a ratty old Hustler in my room, instead of "The Ghost of Lion Castle."

Just the sight of it makes me kind of sad. This might be because it's a perfect representation of my terribly lonely childhood. But much more likely -- An evil gnome named Roondar snuck into my garage and cast a Shame spell on it.

Well, nice try, Rooney. But what you didn't count on was I still have no life. So, HA! I'm totally gonna play this.

Flipping through it, I see author and friend to the friendless, Merle Rasmussen, has been kind enough to provide pre-rolled characters. (As if anyone playing Dungeons & Dragons by himself didn't have enough time to create a character.) Either way, I believe Philiam, the second-level elf will suit me nicely.

A Note to My Wife: Dearest, I'm about to embark on a dangerous adventure. One I must undertake alone. You may see me sitting in the living room reading a booklet in my sweatpants, but rest-assured, I am on a quest.

At the time of this writing I haven't yet taken a shower. You may want to keep that in mind when you are overcome with the urge to sexeth me up.



Powered by Movable Type 4.24-en

About this Archive

This page is an archive of entries from April 2010 listed from newest to oldest.

February 2010 is the previous archive.

September 2010 is the next archive.

Find recent content on the main index or look in the archives to find all content.