September 2009 Archives

The Famous Fried Burrito of Gambling

Classic my mom:

I walk in to see her Googling stuff on my computer.

My Mom: Have you ever heard of Chimichanga Casino?

Me: PECHANGA. Chimichanga is a food.

My Mom: So that's why I keep getting recipes. (SHE LAUGHS) That's funny. You should write that down.

Me: Don't worry. It's going on the Internet in two minutes.

A Trusted Source of Information in These Troubled Times

Wikipedia is amazing. A living encyclopedia maintained by the masses -- edited by anyone. Not only can you look up anything you want over there, now you can even use it to discover your sexual orientation.

I didn't know Wikipedia could do this, but a recent look at the entry on The Sneeze revealed this classic addition:


I would like to point out that I never said I was abandoning the site "in favor of Twitter." I understand why it might appear that way -- but when I don't have time for The Sneeze (which between work and my kids is fairly often these days) Twitter is at least SOMETHING quick and easy I can keep going during these breaks. I do not think Twitter is better than or an acceptable substitute for the blog.

I could go on, but I need to hit the gym and get my Miata washed. Then BRITNEY TONIGHT!!!!!!!!

Look Into My Eye...

If American Idol was a show about wiping yourself and my 6-year-old, Raisins, was a contestant, you'd probably hear Randy Jackson say a lot of things like, "So Dawg, check it out, that was not your best performance."

This situation has led to a delightful nightly ritual my wife and I enjoy where one of us gets to perform a quick inspection to see what's up before he puts his pajamas on.  If you're dealing with a similar situation at your house and are kind of grossed out by it, one trick you can try is to get my wife to do it.  That's been working for me. (Let me know if you need her email.)

Given all this, the other night I was lying on my bed watching TV and minding my own business when I hear, "I'M CLEEEAN!!!!"  I turn to see a naked Raisins in the doorway bent over, and aiming his little anus directly at me.  It was like an episode of Goatse Babies.  (And if you don't know what that means, I'm warning you right now that if you do an image search for "goatse" you are going to be very very very sad.)

Before my brain was even done processing this image, he starts to walk back to his room -- but as he goes, turns back with a giant smile and FLASHES ME A PEACE SIGN.  I love how one moment he commits a drive-by anusing and the next he's a peace-loving hippie.

It all reminds me of when Forest Gump said, "Life is a like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get."  Except in this case we're talking about my son's underwear and sometimes what you "get" happens to look an awful lot like the box of chocolates.



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