September 15, 2008

What Kind of World Do We Live In?

Apparently it's the kind of world where even aging, inedible tree brains aren't safe.

Tree Brain 2008 (Stella Daskat) was abducted some time yesterday.

Over the weekend I had noticed that the tree brain had stopped growing, was starting to sag and was in its final days. I went out to take one last picture this morning and here's what I found...

These monsters even took the official size-reference quarter. The brain was way beyond the eating stage, which makes this crime that much more senseless. There was no ransom note at the scene.

At this point there isn't much we can do. I checked out the guidelines for having an Amber Alert issued, but they seem to be real sticklers that the abductee be a "person." It's hard to believe, but I went through their whole site and there wasn't one section set up for Missing Beloved Internet Fungus.

If I hear anything else I'll let you know.

Remember: they can take the brains from our trees -- but never from our hearts.

(Comments closed before the spam rolls in.)



Click here for The Sneeze Home Page!
Posted by Steven | Archive
Comments

NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why did they have to take Stella??!??! Is this really what the world is coming to?!?

Posted by: Rob at September 15, 2008 9:17 AM

Next year, install motion sensor cameras and lights. We want to know who's stealing your brains.

Posted by: onhazier at September 15, 2008 9:20 AM

Not just motion sensor lights, but a siren, maybe some sparklers and fireworks, put on a real show. Maybe an illuminated sign descending from the treetops. And a webcam focused on the brain itself.

Bonus points for integrating the technology into the brain itself, creating some sort of cyborg fungus.

Posted by: Ryan Dobie at September 15, 2008 9:29 AM

This is the saddest thing I have heard all day.

Posted by: Revmama at September 15, 2008 9:36 AM

Is nothing sacred anymore??

Posted by: Erin The Great at September 15, 2008 9:39 AM

As Stanley Kowalski said:


"STELLAAAAAA!!!"

Posted by: Captain Dick at September 15, 2008 9:49 AM

Why is the world so full of bastards? I was feeling really disenchanted with my job today. Now I go to TheSneeze to feel a little better, and I feel worse!

Posted by: Lisa at September 15, 2008 9:49 AM

I think it was Freddie Kruger, man!?! WTF!! Next year, we make elaborate security system! with signs and alarms!!

NO ONE WILL EVER TOUCH THE BRAIN AGAIN!!!
except steve. It's his tree.

Posted by: Sara From Detroit at September 15, 2008 9:57 AM

Oooo, this is wrong. Someone's gonna have to pay. There's s special spot in hell for for people like that. And you don't even want to know what happens to Tree Brain thieves in prison.

Posted by: Jaime at September 15, 2008 9:58 AM

I'm depressed.

Seriously, next year you MUST set up a motion activated web cam and light show/siren.

Who the hell would do that, and why?

Posted by: Jason at September 15, 2008 10:01 AM

This makes me very sad.

Posted by: Atomic Bombshell at September 15, 2008 10:03 AM

People, it's so obvious! Stella has hit the road. She took the quarter and caught a bus to Hollywood- all of Steve's picture-taking convinced her that she was a SOMEBODY. We have to find her before she gets put on some sleazoid's casting couch!

Then again, maybe she'll make it- John Waters could make her a star!

Posted by: BonzoGal at September 15, 2008 10:03 AM

I agree, one of those camera used to capture wildlife at night would be useful here. Maybe even a hidden video camera.....

All depends on how much you can shell out for your precious tree brain.

Posted by: Jessica at September 15, 2008 10:03 AM

This was like a kick in the stomach, Steve. I'm not sure if I'll be able to remain at work for the rest of the afternoon. I'm going to have a good cry in the ladies' room....

Posted by: Jess at September 15, 2008 10:03 AM

Weird how the remnants of Stella look like the thieves left their handprints...

Posted by: Laura at September 15, 2008 10:05 AM

*sniff*

try reading that while listening to the beginning of 'the unforgiven III' by metallica, that just came up on my shuffle...

Posted by: pienose at September 15, 2008 10:05 AM

Bastards!

Posted by: Jamie at September 15, 2008 10:08 AM

The terrorists have won.

Posted by: Rick at September 15, 2008 10:11 AM

I'm pretty sure this has something to do with the lehman bro. collapse.

Posted by: richard Whitemyer at September 15, 2008 10:12 AM

First the LHC, now this. Smoke em if you got em.

Posted by: zoom at September 15, 2008 10:14 AM

Wow, this is outrageous. My only question is, should I call my Congressperson, or Stella's? Whose jurisdiction does this fall under-- the representative of the abductee or the outraged?

You absolutely must begin digging a giant tiger trap almost all the way around the tree, for next year. Then you could post pictures for awhile of the thieving lady (you just know it was her again) down in her pit. You could send her a bottle of lotion each day while humming the Sneeze theme song and threatening her with the hose. And yes, I think this is all absolutely justified, and probably even legal, under the circumstances.

Although I certainly hope BonzoGal (above) is right that Stella merely hit the road with her allowance. We all should be so lucky to leave a mark like hers on the trees upon which we all live.

Posted by: LiteralDan at September 15, 2008 10:16 AM

Can we add the thief to the Axis of Evil list?

Posted by: Kyle at September 15, 2008 10:16 AM

RIP Stella - we will miss you

Until next year then....

Posted by: Katja at September 15, 2008 10:17 AM

Not only did they steal Stella, but they also took the quarter? Don't they know the economy is in a flaming downwards spiral? ARGH. The fiends.

Posted by: carondelet at September 15, 2008 10:18 AM

I agree with BonzoGal. Stella's ego got too big and she hit the road.

Posted by: hooper at September 15, 2008 10:18 AM

RIP TreeBrain '08. We will miss you </3

Posted by: Krista at September 15, 2008 10:31 AM

The next time we see Stella it'll be on the big screen.

The newest horror flick...

The Brain!!!!!

Where the thieves are eaten by Stella as penance for stealing her in the first place.

Posted by: keiti at September 15, 2008 10:32 AM

I smell a cover up.

Posted by: Kathy at September 15, 2008 10:32 AM

Steve, my deepest condolences go out to you at this sad time. However, mourning time must be post-poned- get ahold of CSI immediately before the integrity of the scene is completely compromised!

Posted by: Liz at September 15, 2008 10:34 AM

The malfeasance shall not go unpunished!

Posted by: Cisco at September 15, 2008 10:40 AM

Whomever it is probably doesn't realize that Stella was past her prime (eating) and ate her anyway, thereby causing god only knows what kind of intestinal distress amongst other things.

SWEET!

Posted by: Sallygirl at September 15, 2008 10:40 AM

WHAT?! Jerks. Next year, I think you could press charges if you put a price tag on it.

Posted by: ele at September 15, 2008 10:42 AM

I, too, think Stella cut and ran.

You can't half blame her, Steve. Your last interaction with her was cutting off some of her naughty bits and eating them... ON THE INTERNET!

Would you stick around for that kind of treatment?

Posted by: James at September 15, 2008 10:44 AM

I think an around the clock web cam is in order next time. Let your devoted readers watch your back. Or your fungus as it were.

Posted by: Miwo at September 15, 2008 10:50 AM

Keep watch on eBay. You know that someone's going to try to sell Stella and the Quarter...

Posted by: thewildbunny at September 15, 2008 10:54 AM

Blasphemous!

This is unexceptable. Next year, Steve, I only have one word for you:

Ninjas.

Posted by: aptkane at September 15, 2008 10:59 AM

This is madness! Whats even more disturbing is the idea that its an avid, maniacal fan. Hoping to draw you out into a search for your precious brains. . .perhaps he or she believes a kind of "Steve Power" may be tapped from it. . .and, just when you turn your back to a dark, wet alley in frustration, they get you.

Or it could be a fox on meth. Either way, you're gonna get pooped on. Watch your back, my friend!

Posted by: Markey at September 15, 2008 11:01 AM

I bet it was that lady from last time.

Posted by: Danicus at September 15, 2008 11:01 AM

After seeing the brain eaten without bacon, someone probably felt they needed to liberate it and pair it with the awesomeness that is bacon.

Brains and Bacon...come on...who can resist?

Posted by: Kent at September 15, 2008 11:02 AM

Maybe next year you could hang a sign or something? Maybe sharpie on a speach bubble saying "Please don't take me."

Posted by: Ali at September 15, 2008 11:02 AM

Look at it this way, since it was at an inedible stage, whoever took it will be dead or very sick. Watch your neighbors, and she who is escorted out in an ambulance or a body bag is your culprit!

Then....you can steal their LIVER!
..... that will teach them.

Posted by: SerialPsychosis at September 15, 2008 11:05 AM

OK, so maybe Stella was stolen by low-life war mongers -- that's definitely a plausible explanation for her disappearance. But let's consider the other possibility: Stella noticed (as Steve pointed out) that she'd stopped growing and started to sag, so she decided to take a much-needed and well-deserved vacation TO GET HER GROOVE BACK! Either way, I agree that some security cameras are a must.

Posted by: Reese at September 15, 2008 11:12 AM

OK, so maybe Stella was stolen by low-life war mongers -- that's definitely a plausible explanation for her disappearance. But let's consider the other possibility: Stella noticed (as Steve pointed out) that she'd stopped growing and started to sag, so she decided to take a much-needed and well-deserved vacation TO GET HER GROOVE BACK! Either way, I agree that some security cameras are a must.

Posted by: Reese at September 15, 2008 11:13 AM

Hell hath no fury like the collective ill-will of a million pissed off Sneeze readers. Thieves are going DOWN.

Posted by: Kathleen at September 15, 2008 11:13 AM

I don't want to scare you, Steve, but this is a clear indication that you have some very confused zombies living in your neighborhood.

Posted by: ZombieEater at September 15, 2008 11:16 AM

Okay next year you need video survielance... and signs DO NOT STEAL THE TREE BRAIN! All over the three and infront of it... and fence! And a plate of cookies some feet away... and a decoy stuff kitten in a box trap.

Posted by: VeryBig Jen at September 15, 2008 11:16 AM

Hellfire and damnation! This can't BE!

I am sure the guilt that thief feels far outweighs any punishment that man could bestow.

Posted by: Jill at September 15, 2008 11:19 AM

What the...?!?!

I enjoy the tree brain series more than The Sopranos goddamnit!

Whoever did this will have to pay!
Atleast he/she needs to pay back the quarter and probably their soul. In a jar. For viewing purposes.

Posted by: Nick from Norway at September 15, 2008 11:23 AM

While I do suspect an eater, like everyone else seems to, I wonder if, perhaps, we have a good samaritan who's simply removing the nasty thing before it spores and contaminates the neighborhood with more parisitic fungi?

Only the deer-camera/lights/siren will tell. Can't wait for next year.

Posted by: mouse at September 15, 2008 11:28 AM

You should start taking applications for the tree brain body guard position next year!

Posted by: Margo at September 15, 2008 11:28 AM

Next year you should make up a bunch of fake plastic tree brains and tape them to the tree at various heights and placements. The thief will be overjoyed at their awesome luck until they try and fry one up only to discover that they've been outwitted by the brains' true friends.

Posted by: Cody at September 15, 2008 11:35 AM

seriously, this is the most terrible thing ever.
The thief probably has NO FRICKIN idea what sort of a stink they've caused.
Next year:
Ninjas, tiger pit, lasers, motion detectors, and electrically charge the tree with a force field- so when the thief touches the brain, we send them back to 1985.

that should do it.

and crazy glue the quarter.

Posted by: L.Bo Marie at September 15, 2008 11:35 AM

Were you spitting on it daily?!

Posted by: Wisonsin-Jeff at September 15, 2008 11:51 AM

Hey Steve,

Perhaps it's just the lighting, but it almost looks as if the bark around the missing brain is charred. Is it possible that the Ms. Daskat was forcibly removed by explosive means?

If so, surely there would be remnants of the carnage scattered about the scene. Unless the bastards were hell bent on removing every trace of her...

Posted by: Jamie at September 15, 2008 12:04 PM

They stole Stella! Those bastards!!!

Posted by: Jason the Cajun Man! at September 15, 2008 12:15 PM

It's epidemic!
About a week ago someone stole the biggest nicest cucumber from our garden. The world is going to hell in a handbasket when delicious innocent vegetables are being taken from their homes never to be seen or heard from again.
Maybe we could pass a Green Alert bill to put an end to the mayhem...

Posted by: Alea at September 15, 2008 12:17 PM

oh dear god why?!?!?! why would someone do some thing like this. Its like stealing a school mascot but its worse because its the mascot of a band with tons and tons of members now that person is hated by all of us

Posted by: Jordan Kamm at September 15, 2008 12:23 PM

Forget the alarms and sirens. I say you electrify the freakin' tree and fry the jerk who keeps stealing the tree brain. Then we'd get a 2-fur.....the theif stopped and a "Steve Don't Eat It" cannibal edition.

Too much? Maybe.

Posted by: Jay at September 15, 2008 12:34 PM

Those look like 4 claw marks on the tree. Watch out, Steve...Freddy Krueger may just be the thief.

Posted by: Jay at September 15, 2008 12:36 PM

I think the Tree Brains needs to play a benefit concert to raise enough money for a reward. Or a ransom, should that call come in any time soon.

Posted by: pea at September 15, 2008 12:42 PM

All a tree brain needs to get started in this big, bold, beautiful world is a little cash and a shot at the spotlight.

You've given Stella both. Wish her luck out there.

Posted by: Noah at September 15, 2008 12:49 PM

What kind of untrustworthy neighborhood do you live in that you can't let you tree brains outside and play?

Posted by: Tim at September 15, 2008 12:52 PM

OR

Why don't you make a fake tree brain (some sort of foam sealant) and this time use a reference dollar (to further entice said thievery) and install a motion sensor and catch em now!

** note: there probably readers of the site and will be hip to your jive.

Posted by: web at September 15, 2008 1:03 PM

Call Terminix. You, my friend, have a zombie problem.

Posted by: Leslie at September 15, 2008 1:17 PM

I prefer to think that she fell off the tree from old age and was carried away by a pack of wolves that will nurse her back to health and make her one of their own. She will become the medicine woman of the pack and live as one with nature. They probably climbed the tree and took the quarter so that she can have a remembrance of her childhood home.

Live long and prosper our dear Stella. There will never be another tree brain like you!

Posted by: ORKMommy at September 15, 2008 1:20 PM

Steve, Firstly remember that fungi are awesome, and what we have seen of Stella is not the whole Stella. The "Brain" we love so much is the Fruiting body of Stella, her mycelium runs deep inside the tree so she is never really gone.

Secondly, Maybe the folks taking Stella are not aware of the importance she brings to our lives, and the solution can be as simple as a frame to post arround her fruiting body with some information that lets folks know how important she is, That or use the frame to inform folks that this is on private property and a webcam from the window is recording the actions of all those apporching the brain.

If you need help with hardware/software to make a treebrain security cam, just let me know, i may be able to send you all that you need to make Stella safe next year.

Posted by: Geoffrey at September 15, 2008 1:24 PM

This is a damned shame. There's already a shortage of brains in this nation. It could only come to this... Brain thievery.

I think it's time for some STRATEGERY !!!

Posted by: RonniewithanR at September 15, 2008 1:26 PM

I actually gasped when I got the Twitter text this morning! How could they do this to us!

At least we got in some brainy goodness before the end.

Posted by: Bailey at September 15, 2008 1:33 PM

From the looks of
The photo, I think
We can all take some
Solace in knowing that
She fought her assailants
Before being abducted.

I'm sure there's a tree-brain
Thief hand several yards from
The scene.

Posted by: Kelsey at September 15, 2008 1:47 PM

the tree brain is the highlight of my year; Birthdays, the company of loved ones mean absolutely nothing compared to the emergence of our future tree masters. I miss Stella :(

Posted by: Parker Mitchell at September 15, 2008 1:51 PM

What kind of sick bastards would do this!? She even left claw marks as they pulled her away from her perch!

Posted by: Katy at September 15, 2008 1:54 PM

wow.

today, someone told me that they didn't love me, and will never love me

but i think this is even sadder than that.

thanks for cheering me up, sneeze!

Posted by: sad girl at September 15, 2008 2:21 PM

Devastated. Just devastated. I think I will go kick the dog.

Posted by: Stacie at September 15, 2008 2:22 PM

This sounds like the start to a great action/kidnapping/hostage situation movie.

-Owl

Posted by: OwlBoy at September 15, 2008 2:37 PM

Damn.

Posted by: Angela at September 15, 2008 2:38 PM

This is bullshit.

Posted by: JLS at September 15, 2008 2:40 PM

If I learned anything from big conspiracies is the fact that you should always follow the money if you want to found the true, er, brains behind the whole thing.

The answer lies in that quarter, people. Finding it should be our first priority.

Not to be callous, but if we haven't received a ransom note and/or proof of life in the first 24 hours... It might be time to assume the worst...

Posted by: Skunkboy at September 15, 2008 2:42 PM

NO! The senseless, horrifying violence of our generation simply appalls me. Did you hear that? I am APPALLED.

Posted by: Hollee at September 15, 2008 2:48 PM

On a happier note, you all know what this means, right?

Steve has to print up a NEW Tree Brains t-shirt!

Yay, death souvenirs!

Posted by: BonzoGal at September 15, 2008 3:03 PM

MONSTERS!!!

I do agree we need more Tree Brains t-shirts, though...

Posted by: Kefanii at September 15, 2008 3:07 PM

I can't believe how legitametly bummed out about this I am. About a week ago, I noticed a similair fungus on a tree on my drive to work (though a bit different, it being a northeastern variety, I suppose), and I was enstilled with a small and limited, but no less real, sense of community.

This is essentially my Kennedy assination.

Posted by: sean at September 15, 2008 3:08 PM

See? So bummed out that I can't spell a goddamn thing. Fuck this.

Posted by: sean at September 15, 2008 3:10 PM

I can't believe it! Next time you need to find someone's Rotweiler you can borrow for a week to guard the tree. Unfortunately, my Rotweiler is only theoretical, but I'm sure one of your loyal readers has a ferocious-looking dog out there!

Posted by: Rachel at September 15, 2008 3:41 PM

Bastardos, stinking bastardos

Next year, instead of a reference quarter, use a reference turd. Place it on top of Stella's progeny. At least we'll all get a good sense of justice.

Posted by: Debbi at September 15, 2008 4:11 PM

sounds like the wife was being neglected so she tore it down herself...

Posted by: bobo the hateful at September 15, 2008 4:11 PM

Well, someone took your brains.
But let's be reasonable. I mean, they didn't take your eyes.

Posted by: Jsug at September 15, 2008 4:15 PM

D:

Posted by: Amandelia at September 15, 2008 4:28 PM

Next year invest in an automatic camera you can mount on a tree (they are cheap)

Posted by: zach at September 15, 2008 4:31 PM

I heard somewhere they're instituting "Silver Alerts" for - no kidding ' "wandering seniors," so maybe you can issue one of those?

Posted by: Dusty at September 15, 2008 4:32 PM

Did you check with the wife?? they are well known to be party poopers. I would of stashed it in my undies draw.

Posted by: sher at September 15, 2008 5:12 PM

Oh man! You should totally tack up a picture of the brain. Or maybe something more shaming. Like a picture of an anus with the slogan "eat this".

Posted by: radishly at September 15, 2008 5:33 PM

This IS sad, but I have to wonder.... could Stella maybe be smarter than we think? It IS a brain, after all. Is it possible that Stella plotted its own disappearance??

Posted by: Sarah at September 15, 2008 5:39 PM

Oh yea, in reference to someone elses comment, I have a rottweiler and a doberman that will guard next years brains with authority and dignity. Well, when they arent sleeping, eating, playing or anything else that may distract them.

Posted by: Sarah at September 15, 2008 5:49 PM

I totally sent you an email to tell you that there was a hand in one of the pictures you took and that it probably meant someone was going to steal it again this year. You should've listened! :P

Karl

Posted by: Karl at September 15, 2008 5:59 PM

Did you check with the city make sure they didn't send someone out to take it? How about the neighbors? You live in California right? There is probably some weirdo ordinance about tree brains being considered an "eye sore" and some one removed it. You never know.

Posted by: lesley at September 15, 2008 6:09 PM

Should've eaten the whole thing when you had the chance.

Condolences.

Posted by: Dan at September 15, 2008 6:25 PM

A brain for a brain, that's what I always say. Time to round up the posse.

Posted by: Austin at September 15, 2008 6:34 PM

We're fixating on the physical, people. Tree Brain is forever.

You can eat Stella, but she'll be back.

She'll be back.

OR:

(As Florida Evans):
"Damn, damn, damn!"

Posted by: Cuntegonde at September 15, 2008 7:18 PM

I made you a couple of posters to copy and staple all over your neighborhood and town.

http://tapiocafarm.iwarp.com/

Your most effective weapons against brain theft are guilt and fear.

Lesley suggested the city might have removed it, but there is a flaw in that theory. City workers...on a weekend? Hahahahahaaa.

Posted by: mars at September 15, 2008 7:51 PM

A Fungus Named Desire

Posted by: Miggy at September 15, 2008 8:15 PM

I blame Poland.


I think our only consolation is the hope that the thieves try to eat it.

Posted by: mark at September 15, 2008 8:26 PM

What the...!? That's it, we form a man(woman?)hunting party and smite them with the bar of the crow!

Posted by: Chris at September 15, 2008 8:39 PM

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOES!

Posted by: Ade at September 15, 2008 8:40 PM

We haves your brains. You read note here:

http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e122/paradoximoron/brainransomnote.png

Posted by: Poland at September 15, 2008 8:40 PM

I have a feeling the band has to now write a dirge in memory of Tree Brain...

Posted by: JTR at September 15, 2008 9:27 PM

I am so upset.:(
Couldn't someone keep watch or something? Maybe next time you can string caution tape around the tree,or put your five-year-old to fiercely guard it at night... anything.
You have my full sympathy for your loss.

Posted by: maria at September 15, 2008 11:22 PM

I have a feeling that President Bush is behind this...

Posted by: Annah at September 15, 2008 11:44 PM

We should start a search party!! Can't the Brain Trees skip practise for a week (only because of this emergency of course) and start looking for poor, poor Stella?

*sobs* Let's all hope they're taking good care of her.. wherever she is :(

Posted by: Jade at September 16, 2008 12:23 AM

Is the woman in the hat a prime suspect?

Posted by: Phill at September 16, 2008 12:30 AM

I'm going to name my un-born child after Stella in memory.

Posted by: Dani...the Girl at September 16, 2008 1:44 AM

Hmph! I'd put up a nasty sign on the tree next year, claimimg it's under camera surveillance. Or, even better, REALLY have it under surveillance. That brain WAS private property worth $$$, after all.

Posted by: Brigitte at September 16, 2008 2:04 AM

Of course this would happen during election time.....

Posted by: Crystal at September 16, 2008 3:51 AM

wwhhhaaaatttttt!!! I have been observing your post and updates on the tree brain. And its sad to see this. I hope it grows back.
www.foodista.com

Posted by: Mrs.Sound at September 16, 2008 4:16 AM

My condolences.

They can eat our brains, but they won't gain our knowledge.

Posted by: PartyRichter at September 16, 2008 4:34 AM

Maybe she just up & left. After all, you did eat some of her.

Posted by: Evil Jim at September 16, 2008 6:35 AM

I know who did it. It was Death. I'd recognize that horizontal bony hand impression anywhere. You said it was dying anyway, maybe the reaper just came a little early because he had appointments later on this week or something.

Circle of life, baby, circle of life.

Posted by: Dan at September 16, 2008 6:47 AM

The tree looks charred around the area. Are we sure the brain didn't spontaneously combust?

Posted by: Jason at September 16, 2008 7:09 AM

Well this just sucks. Have you received a ransom note? They have to be looking for more than a quarter...

Posted by: Wendy at September 16, 2008 7:26 AM

If it wasn't Freddy it was that goddamn Wolverine.

Posted by: Oliver at September 16, 2008 7:33 AM

Sonsabitches.

Posted by: Jordan at September 16, 2008 8:20 AM

Those bastards!

Posted by: Tracy at September 16, 2008 8:37 AM

I think the tree brains need to get together and do a tribute album. We could use the proceeds to fund our new charitable organization "Save the Brains", a group whose sole purpose is to provide protection against the obvious guerilla warfare plaguing Tree Brains everywhere.

Posted by: Bec at September 16, 2008 8:45 AM

Toldja so. Toldja so. Toldja toldja toldja toldja so.

Coming Next Year:

24-Hour WEBbrainCAM.

Dude!

Posted by: jude at September 16, 2008 8:56 AM

WTF..what kind of sick fuct up world do we live in where a innocent tree brain can't even be left alone outside without assholes just coming along and taking it...fuckers....

Posted by: Desirae at September 16, 2008 9:12 AM

Maybe it was the same people who stole my radio from my car they could be building a super robot body for the brain

Posted by: mike at September 16, 2008 9:18 AM

My wife didn't take the brain, you goofs.

Posted by: Steve at September 16, 2008 10:16 AM

So sad.

But really. I can't seem to find my bacon wallet, either. Could there be a connection?

Posted by: McStratman at September 16, 2008 10:57 AM

The bastards!

Posted by: ovisebdan at September 16, 2008 11:09 AM

Rat bastards!!! I'm thinking you need a tree brain motion sensor light that triggers an audio alarm that will berate the thieving blackguards with pirate sayings like "scurvy dog", "bilge rat" and the like. This is because the Tree Brain matures very close to "International Talk Like a Pirate Day". Of course it may hurt the feelings of a few squirrels and raccoons...

Posted by: Jenn S. at September 16, 2008 12:29 PM

I am so hurt and grieved that someone has slinked off with my name sake. I am offering a 42 peso reward for any info leading to the Capture and tourture of said Slinkers and will even throw in a 1944 D Penny that I got as change yesterday. Make those Bastards pay dearly for this WRONG
DASKAT

Posted by: Daskat at September 16, 2008 12:38 PM

Bec is right, people! The Tree Brains band must assemble and put out a fundraiser single. We can get some celebrities to sing on the chorus. I suggest we start with Gilbert Gottfried, Wayne Newton, and that guy who just got ousted as Prime Minister of Thailand for having a TV cooking show.

Posted by: BonzoGal at September 16, 2008 1:33 PM

Rob,
Have you considered the possibility that this could have been the work of a nocturnal zombie tree? In the movies the people zombies always eat the brains of the non-zombie people which, in turn transforms the non-zombie people into REAL ZOMBIES. Keep an eye on that tree, the transformation is usually pretty quick to manifest.
Chuck

Posted by: chuck at September 16, 2008 1:57 PM

Waaaait a minute- Steve ATE part of Stella just the other day. He pulled off a chunk of her head and ATE IT.

Steve is a zombie. Stella took off to find a blowtorch to kill Steve!

Posted by: BonzoGal at September 16, 2008 3:09 PM

You should tape a note to the tree. It can be Stella's biography. "This precious tree brain's life was cut short just one year ago...please do not let it happen again..."

Posted by: Kelly at September 16, 2008 4:57 PM

As silly as this might sound, Steve, have you considered the fact that it might be a fan of The Sneeze? While you've never given out any personal information of any kind (besides the fact that you live in L.A), I wouldn't completely rule out the fact. Although the idea is a little frightening, there's always the possibility of someone in a neighboring area near your house that has noticed the Brain, and it doesn't take a genius to put two and two together. Especially after the last brainnapping.

I mean, what better thing to have as a fan of the Sneeze than the ACTUAL treebrain? There are a lot of freaky people out there.

Posted by: Erin at September 16, 2008 5:01 PM

Have you looked in the freezer? Brains often end up in there, for some reason.

Posted by: Sue at September 16, 2008 5:27 PM

My heart stopped when I saw that pic. :( SOMEBODY GET OVER THERE AND TEST THE SCENE FOR PRINTS!!!

Posted by: Suzette at September 16, 2008 7:01 PM

I bet the brain couldn't resist its own deliciousness and finally ate itself.

Posted by: also Steve at September 16, 2008 8:10 PM

what if... what if one of eric joyner's robots came alive and took it?

i mean, maybe he's in love with stella.

or maybe he wanted to jam her into his metal cranium so he could frankenstein himself a brain.

that would make a wicked good comic book.

Posted by: not steve at September 16, 2008 9:04 PM

This morning, I saw a guy who was definitely involved with the crime and I beat him up for you.

At least I'm pretty sure he was involved. He had a quarter.

Posted by: J.R. Jenks at September 17, 2008 6:51 AM

Hi Steve,

I suspect that your beloved brain was taken by zombies. Zombies can come in many shapes and sizes, are impervious to daylight, most often move very slowly, and repeat the word "brains" over and over. If I were you, I would keep the family inside and get a cricket bat. I would then have a pizza delivered, and let the delivery person bang on the door for a while to draw out the zombie(s). Then, after it's (they've) feasted, you simply go outside and bonk it (them) on the head with your bat. Simple.

Posted by: b at September 17, 2008 6:51 AM

please oh vey please tell me you spit on stella daily this year! You didnt OMIT the spit did you?

Cant believe she is gone. We never got that chance to party. sniff

Posted by: mary at September 17, 2008 8:07 AM

Next time, set up a video camera AND a laminated sign that says "UNDER OFFICIAL SCIENTIFIC OBSERVATION. LEAVE MY FUCKING TREE BRAIN ALONE."

Posted by: Erik at September 17, 2008 12:32 PM

I took them, they were ready to fall out of the tree on their own. I was doing nature a good deal by not letting them go to waste.

And of course liberated brains taste better! Especially when a free quarter is in the deal.

Sauteed in butter and sprinkled with thyme and sea salt. Yum.

Burp!

From,
Zee eccentric lady that lives 4 blocks over (and I do look like the woman in Prime Suspect.)

Posted by: Freethefungus at September 17, 2008 4:45 PM

I'm surprised no one else thought of this because it was the first thing to come into my head. Of course most people are not obsessed Firefly fans like I am.

I don't care
I'm still free
You can't take the BRAIN from TREEEEEE

Posted by: Rocky at September 18, 2008 8:09 AM