February 24, 2008
Name That Toilet
In response to the previous post, a reader writes:
dear the sneeze --
i read about toilets on your website today. will you please have a the sneeze contest and let us, the fans of the sneeze, try to come up with the best toilet name ever? and would you agree to re-name your toilet the name that wins the contest? maybe you could pick the top 5 best toilet names submitted, and then we could all vote for the #1 winner.
if you like this idea, great! if not, fuck you.
--a sneeze reader (whom you kind of know personally)
p.s. i will start by suggesting "shit lagoon" -- but i have more.
Sure, why not. Our "Carrollton" from Toto is not a name to get excited about. And the toilet has not been installed yet, so once we have a new name, on the day it is installed I can christen it in more than one way.
Whether you have names to add or not, it would be helpful if you could mention any other submissions that you are liking, to help figure out the top 5.
The comment board is
open now closed. (Poll coming soon.)
Click here for The Sneeze Home Page!
Posted by Steven | Archive
In our dorm room - "Standard"
"I'll be right back. Gotta drop some bombs off at Pearl Harbor."
Let's go with the classic: Charybdis
The Taming of the Poo
(a nice Shakespearean name)
Gilligan's Isle (you know for those 3 hour 'tours').
The real question is did you get custom lid installed on your "Carrollton"? if so, that could make all the difference in the world when it comes to a suitable name
Steve Dont Eat It Factory
Perhaps the Smelltron 2.5
my vote goes for "standard"
here's my suggestion.
Steve, don't eat it! disposal unit.
Well, it has "skirted styling" or as i like to say, "Kilted styling", so it really needs a Scottish name, cause as we all know, "if it's not Scottish, it's CRAP!"
Steve Did Eat It Deposit
Oops I Did It Again
Nina Haagen Dazs of The Chocolate Flavor
The Super Bowl
Processed Tree Brain Depository
The Eaten Food Memorial
I suggest you call the thing "Toilet." But you could Frenchify it to make it sound all haute. Or you could just go phonetic and call it Twah-let.
Here's a link to a website that analyzes the meaning of names. Here is their analysis of the name "Toilet."
ooh ooh! or you could call it the McCrapper, keeping it in line with the Scottish theme from above.
outstanding Justin....simply outstanding
I choose my name from that timeless song, "Convoy"
Kenworth Hauling Logs
The Olympian. Go for the gold!
if anyone would like to take a look, here's a link to what i can only assume is Steve's toilet:
Would "The Velvet Revolver" be copyright or trademark infringement?
Just thinking about my toilet being called "The Velvet Revolver" brings a tear to my eye and bile to my throat.... but maybe it's just me...
Also, I submit the name "Arizona" for you.
My mom always says, when the dogs are let out to poo, that they are going to "Dumpsville, Arizona"
You could just call it " Number 2"
"The Royal Flush"?
"Up shit creek" or would it be
"Down shit creek"?
I submit for your approval: "Unicornicopia." It's whimsical and makes me think of Thanksgiving (which, in turn, makes me poop).
Thought of a few others:
"The Throne" - used quite often, but when I have to go, I often announce to others that I have to go rule my universe. And I often talk about how, when I finally get my own house, I'm going to decorate the bathroom in red and gold as if it were a throne room.
"Thomas" - in honor of Thomas Crapper, inventor of the toilet as we know it today.
"Xanadu" after that mansion in Citizen Kane. Or in Coleridge's poem... "in Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure-dome decree."
"X-13D" after that crap 'cheeseburger' flavor that Doritos introduced.
"Hollywood" - ever see that episode of Family Guy? 'So this is where all the sewage ends up'
ok, I laughed out loud at "cheek muncher", and I also loved "Arserenity", and I liked "Smelltron 2.5".
But I have one of my own. When I read the arcticle that lead to the naming of your toilet, the writer said the "shit lagoon". I can't say I love that, but it reminded me of a spitoon.
I hereby offer "the shitoon".
"The Event Horizon"
I laughed out loud at that.
Yes, "The Event Horizon" is good. I also giggled heavily at "The Throne of Lost Souls"
I like "Steve, Don't Eat It!" the best so far.
Kafka On The Shore
ok so most of this just came from my book shelf
Destructo-Bot 9000: Ninja Slayer
Bookshelf or not, I kinda like "Loretta."
i almost pooped when i read Lord Shattington
all i know is that one of the best pieces of vandalism i ever saw was the toilet at summer camp, where someone had stolen a sticker from elsewhere, and placed it on the inside lid of the toilet. the sticker read "We Recycle"
also... when i was in italy, there were these minature construction vehicles to carry waste around called "dumpy 500." that was one of the best moments of my childhood.
I'll have to second "The Shitoon"!
This would really sound better as the title of the bathroom itself, but how about "The Cave of a Thousand Asses?"
Toilets should have anthropomorphic scholarly names.
For our neighbors to the south:
Gambino & Sons' Lie Detector & Water-Boarding Device
The Kiddie Pool.
So you can say "Yea I'll be right there. I just have to drop the kids off at the pool first."
Well my wife and i call it "the pool" as in
"Well honey, i gotta go drop some kids off at the pool!"
If "the pool" doesn't strike your fancy, you may also consider naming it "The Casbah" When dropping the kids off at the pool doesn't sound right, we say "I'm off to rock the casbah" or "holy hell, i need to rock the casbah!"
DAMMIT CHRINEY! You beat me by one minute! Well -F- i still recommend "The Casbah"
Sly & The Family Stone!
It could even have a sweet funky theme song.
If the joke's not clear, the family stone is a family dump.
"The God Phone" -- for those post-drinking binge moments.
"Dunedoo" -- A real place in Australia. Pronouced Dun-e-do, not dune-do. Honest.
"The Crapper" -- Traditional.
"The Blumpkinator" -- Um, look it up on somewhere like urban dictionary. Or not. Best not.
The Bulimic's Best Friend - aka - The Confidant
The "Shitoon" is good, but I'm guessing it's probably not acceptable as an official name, since there are small children in Steve's house. Since I also have small children in my house, I will only be able to call mine that privately :-(
I also like Professor Dumpledore
Here are a couple site-based ideas:
- The Turdy Station
- Steve Ate It
And a couple of ideas based on the toilet manufacturer (Toto):
- Auntie BM
- Poo-sanna (just think "All I wanna do when I wake up in the morning is hold you tight")
- Assfrica (just say it out loud a few times... it's nice)
Just say it out loud. "Honey, where's the paper? I need to go to the Cuitlacoche." It has a nice ring. Only Tree Brainers and whoever eats that stuff will know what it really is. And really, who's going to know the difference?
(for reference http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000344.php)
"The Moan Throne"
"Squeeze and Please"
I'm not sure if someone earlier was trying to recommend the name or if they were signing their comment. Regardless I would like to put a vote in for "Gus."
It's simple and quick to say. I like it.
I second "Perhaps the Smelltron 2.5"
My vote is now for "Gambino & Sons' Lie Detector & Water-Boarding Device"
end of competition.
These are great suggestions, I like the Shitoon but you'd then have to explain it to the kids.
If you lived in Dallas the Texas Poop Depository would fit.
On a related note my wife and I refer to pooping while at work as "Cashing The Brown Paycheck".
My suggestion: Deep Blue.
My favorite from above: The Confidant.
Also, "The Hiding Place".
William Shatner- that's brilliant! Or should I say, "ass"tounding!
My vote's for Gus, especially if its short (as it is in a certain disney film), for Octavian
I was going to suggest Hillary, in keeping with Kohler's female name theme, but I don't know your political affiliations ;) The Shatner and The Confidant are the frontrunners, imo, or perhaps St. Steven's Cathedral, as in praying on the porcelain alter.
"The dream catcher" is by far my favorite.
The Butt Brain
Steve, don't crap it!
...The porcelain seat of contemplation...
...I like plug-chugger ; it's got ZAZZ!
Thought of two more on the way home --
"Hello SCATty" -- Think cute jap cat, eating poo. Alternative could be "Hello Shitty", perhaps. The idea is to cute it up, and the Japanese are well into odd things.
"Mr Hanky's House" -- Nod to South Park.
Assfrica made me lol
I also believe it would be extremely satisfying to take a shit on "Fergie"
I like Lord Shattington, and William Shatner ... yeah, that's good - must be where the captain's log goes?
Here are some quick entries:
The Log Ride
Man, I'm so glad my education hasn't gone to waste!
I'm too tired to be creative right now, but I gotta vote for "shitoon" and especially "Mr. Hanky's House".
Weeee! (for the kids)
Or Gus, or Bottom Sneeze 3000
How about "The Cold Throne", "Turtle-head Lake", "Library Chair 2.8", "Liquid Sunshine", "The Harington" (After the inventor John Harington.
So many great suggestions thus far. I can't pick just one.
My vote goes to "The Event Horizon".
My vote goes to "The Confidant". Not only does it work for bulimics, but it also works for keeping those unpleasant smells anonymous.
Stevie's meadow muffin tray
Meadow muffin is a slang term for poop xD
yes that is my real first name
The most voted for names are as follows:
Shitoon - 4
Gus - 3
Event Horizon - 3
William Shatner - 2
Smelltron 2.5 - 2
(as a side note, i didn't include the original post.)
Also, i was inspired by Hannah to come up with....
The Hot Gate
I like "Le Chuck", but it's only funny if you are a Monkey Island fan.
Some of my ideas...
To Be Filed
The "Other" Recliner
Oh Shit Falls
The Swamp - As in "I'm just going to drop Yoda off at the swamp."
I love, love, love The Eaten Food Memorial. And Xanadu (especially with that Coleridge quote, which you could have framed on the wall.)
(I'm sure there are plenty of "what prize did ya get?")
hmmm there is alot of comments... and i have slight suspicions that my post will be skimmed over, unnoticed, but on with the naming... how bout... Tomb of AssKebobs has a nice egyptioan yet comical feel to it me thinks.
Here I sit,
Tried to sh!t,
But only farted.
I think I want to stick with the whole elegance that the company is going for, so my suggestion would be: "Moonlight Escapade"
I like "Gambino & Sons' Lie Detector & Water-Boarding Device." It's topical. It's thought provoking. It's an absurdly long name for the shit can.
OK Love the Shatner
but here are a few for you...
Thermopolye ( the greek name of the Hot Gates from the Spartan refrence...you could even make a sign based on the stone plaque placed there "Stranger, Go tell the Spartans that here we 300 sat , and with spartan law did our doodie")
Man with the Horse (going to see a man about a horse ref.)
Bloodrayne:The Movie ( Just because it was truly a pile of shit)
The Final Frontier (but you could only call that right before you christen it...because haveing read wht you eat you will boldly go where no man has gone before)
Dr Pooper (must know what dr peeper was originally for to get that one)
a modifier to an earlier post
William Shatner should be shortened to The Shatner but pronounced Shat....(exstended over actted grunt)....nerrrrrrrrrrrrr ( the r is pronounced in pronounced relief)
Though there are a lot of great names up there, "Big Hungry Joe" Amused me the most...though maybe it should be "Big Hungry John"?
For the Trek fans - "Food Replicator-Tron 5000: Feedstock Input Port"
Big Hungry Joe made me laugh the most, and gets my vote.
You gotta love a crapper that would look forward to its job.
The White House
(and for the kids) Tinkle Town
I love William Shatner!
A few more:
Brown Eyed Swirl
The Drowning Pool
The shitty throne
As always, I cannot be original and turn to Futurama for inspiration: Sgt. Feces Processor
The Urinator makes me lol, too.
Hahaha...okay, my favorites are definitely:
(in that order).
My two year-old recently began calling the big-person potty "the poop ledge", and everyone else followed suit. I mean... c'mon! It's fucking perfect! "Gotta to sit on the poop ledge...".
The Crusader, or Pegasus (as it's a porcelain pony)
Anyhow I vote for "The Shatner"
"The Crosby Cradle"
"The Stoole Stool"
In relation to my previous comment:
"I've just got to dop the Crosby kids off at the pool!"
My vote is for "The Event Horizon" - since that's the whole point - you don't want whatever is in there to EVER come back!
For those not in the know about black holes - the event horizon is the point of no return as you approach a black hole. Once you cross it, you cannot get back out.
Perhaps that suggests another name idea:
"The Black Hole"
Bahahaha, i like Jesse's "The taming of the poo".
I like "big hungry joe" and the "poop ledge".
I would like to nominate "Steve's Stink Pot". After all, a throne should be named for his master.
All of the toilets in my house have "Church" on the seat. This has always amused me since it is the only "church" I attend regularly.
I liked Assfrica and Arserenity. And Poop Ledge.
"The Shatner" is great. But not William Shatner.
Sticking with the French theme:
How about "The Thunderdome"?
The Stool Stool.
The Stool Pool.
or possibly Shiitake soup bowl. (so literal)
Heh heh... we have a urinal at school called the Manfield...
But I digress.
Name: The Vertical Excrement Receptacle Unit.
As opposed to... horizontal, I guess? Work that out on your own time...
(Personally, I like The Event Horizon.)
Otherwise I liked McCrapper
Ernst Stavro Blowarse,
perhaps the "Linkletter."
The Confessional... it is a spiritual place afterall.
Revised!: The Fartress of Solidpoo
The Bleak Bog
(marked by wet and windy conditions)
Where Hippos Go To Die
The Poopal Throne
Okay - I have read thru and these are the best ones in my opionion:
The Royal Flush
"Squeeze and Please"
....and OMG - dying laughing over New Jersey!!! HAHAHA!!!
I also love "The Event Horizon" and "The Dream-Catcher."
Since it is manufactured by TOTO, I would submit that it should be called "STYX" with the tag line, "Styx, . . .unleash your own river of HELL!"
Favourite Faeces Honour Manoeuvre
Heinrich de Turd
Lord Bungfish McMurtry
The Squeeze Box
Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton would work tooo
I think the top three choices here so far are:
"Turtle-head Lake" how did everyone else miss this?!
"Judge Fudge" the best rhyming option
and "poop ledge" You gotta love children
Nope I was right
I didn't read everyone's submissions so I'm sorry if I double post.
The Tsunami Swirl
The Glory Hole
Did anyone mention John? In the spirit of Frenchification it could be Jacques.
Also how about Cup, as in "two girls and a . . .?"
Brutal 850-pound bear rape
The Poop Ledge - haha! Brilliant. My ha'penniworth...
As in "I'm going to have a few words with Senor Craphonso..." or "I shall make Senor Craphonso pay!!!!"
As a matter of fact, I might name my OWN toilet that....
Wait its made by Toto? Ok let me list some song titles by the band Toto
Africa (already Ref.ed)
Better World Parts I and II
Bottom of your Soul
Burn Down The Mission ( considering what Steve Eats LOL)
Can't Stand It Any Longer
Couls This Be Love
Don't Stop Me Now
Dying On My Feet
Endless ( We have all had those sessions)
Falling in Between
Geargey Progy (Bwahahahaha)
High Price of Hate
Hold The Line
Home of the Brave
I think I could Stand You Forever
I won't Hold You Back
I'll Be Over You
I'll Supply The Love
It's A Feeling
King Of The World
Let It Go
No End In Sight
On the Run
Right Part Of Me
Slipped Away (for when you dont quite make it)
St. George and the Dragon
Taint Your World
Takin' it Back
Til the End
We Made It
I think we got the Playlist for when the Tree Brains theoretically Play the Opening of the New Toilet right before it is CHristened By Steve
This is a band-name contest, right? No? Oh.
Um. The toilet. Uh.
I'll stick with 'Aryan Superqueer'.
Shatner is classic...
I like DeVille or Towncar though. Sounds luxurious.
And how about Super Bowl? As in, "I have to drop the Browns off at the Super Bowl."
up sorry its
Georgy Porgy not Geargy
I vote for William Shatner. Elegant in its entendre.
I like Shatner myself. Or perhaps The Rear Sneeze?
The Bakery- it's where you go to pinch a loaf.
The Stool - works on several levels.
William Shatner is my favorite
I'd like to cast my vote for William Shatner. I can really see that used in context.
Danny Thomas's Coffee Table or simply the Danny Thomas.
The Great White Canyon*
*Named by action figure explorers of potty national park.
How about something German to fit the "schiezer" aspect:
First, let me say it's threads like these that remind me why I love The Sneeze.
Kenworth Hauling Logs
Around here we have:
The Dog's Water Bowl
The Tick Morgue
The Brown Swimming Hole
How bout we call it brad pitt, as in, im gona go take a dump in brad pitt.
It's French for bank. As in making a deposit.
I bought my toilet bowl at Ikea, it's called "Ånus"..
We used to say "gotta go take a Bill" which came from "gotta take a shat" from the obvious Billy Shatner, so that gets my number one vote, although in the interest of classiness perhaps William Shatner, Esq. or something. Also, Lord Shattington and Pearl Harbor.
"the event horizon" is perfect:
from Wikpedia: "In general relativity, an event horizon is a boundary in spacetime, an area surrounding a black hole, beyond which events cannot affect an outside observer. Light emitted from inside the horizon can never reach the observer, and anything that passes through the horizon from the observer's side is never seen again."
I think I need to hear audio of the official flush before I can come up with any new ideas.
The shatner is shattastic.
so is the rear sneeze...
Perhaps The Shatner rear sneeze? or is that going too far?
SHITHAMMER FROM VALHALLA.
Fuckin' epic, right?
The Border- as in better make a run for.
Fresh downloads on to Steve's "i-pot"
(Not STEVE JOB'S ipot.. though watch out for next year's model being thinner and lighter than ever.)
I like "The Poop Ledge"
Cleaveland steamer express? Evokes a train, cause you know it slides sown the drain like a silent choo choo train.......
I LOVE Hurricaine Latrina
William Shatner or The Shatner
You could take a page from Greenpeace:
Mr. Splashy Pants
I vote for Xanadu, Lord Shattington, and Deep Blue although it looks like it's going to be William Shatner by a landslide.
My grandmother used to refer to her chamber pot as the "THUNDER MUG."
I think "thunder mug" has genuine old-time-elegance, n'est-ce pas?
I would also proffer: "The Executive"
My favorites previously submitted are:
The "Turd Hearse"
The "Down & Outhouse"
Vote for Shatoon and Ft. Clog
Ok I've got a few here.
1. The Foundation
- Mr.Show once referred to shit as "foundation" and it stuck with me as an original poop word. Also, you could say that you are making a donation to The Foundation. It's classy, but whimsical in the way it rhymes.
2. Champion Lotecki, Supernatural Being
- Just a fantastic name for anything really. I believe I first heard it as the name of a dog that won the big annual dog show.
3. Mr. Brownstone
4. The Misadventures of Professor Oliver Orion Prescott, in the 22nd Century
- as in, "My dear, I'm off to continue 'The Misadventures of Professor Oliver Orion Prescott, in the 22nd Century'.
Hippo Trap 3000
OK.. Here is the winner:
Iknow, I know, pure brilliance!
For the wooden seat, I'd like to offer "Bran Mountain."
For your colored plastic seat - one of those nice puffy ones with an embroidered butterfly on it - "Golden streams."
And I'd like to vote for "Gus."
The Oval Office! = best name suggested so far.
I like "Perhaps the Smelltron 2.5" (the whole phrase), as well as "Cheekmuncher," "Unicornucopia," and "Shittoon," although you might want to name it something your son is allowed to say, so I'm going to suggest "Poop Poop Poopy Poop-Poop."
Steve carter, wouldn't that be
hey! hey! i cast my vote for "The Shatner" and it's official pronunciation with the added grunt!
Wow. "Bran Mountain" (bran-mountin'?) is really good, too. I missed that one.
Bran Mountain is awesome.
Senor Sucio Sanchez...
trans: Mr. Dirty Sanchez
My favorites so far:
Big Hungry Joe
My Favorites (in no particular order)
The Event Horizon
The Dream Catcher
"Brown County Chopper"
I think Shatner's going to take it.
i like "shitoon" very much and also my proposed names:
the "dirty bubbler"
and "frothy minx"
Casa de numero dos
Lincoln Log Cabin
Scooby Doo Doo
You've got kids, so I'd like to think you want a non-profane name for the toilet. Here's my suggestion: The Poo Master 5000 It's classy, yet edgy and of course, kid friendly!
"The Mirage" --
Sorry I pooped on the floor, honey! The toilet turned out to be a mirage!
Going with the Scottish theme, I thought of good old Uncle Scrooge McDuck. So how about:
"I have to go visit my uncle, Squeeze McDooky"
LOL... the Squeeze. That's funny.
The prize should involve either The Tree Brains or Bacon. Or both. (Tree Bacon?)
you've gooot to name it marcel duchamp! (for those unfamiliar duchamp took a urinal, turned it upside down, signed it with a fake name (R. Mutt) and submitted it to a fine art gallery). he'd be proud to have a toilet named after him. or perhaps r mutt.
Judy the Booty Lover
Sir Thomas Crapper the XIV
Lotty Dotty (We Likes to) Potty
Hugh Jazz (not original, I know, but appropriate)
Would you pretty please have a little nameplate inscribed to attach to the toilet somwhere? That'd make it even more awesome. And they only cost like ten bucks to have a sticky nameplate engraved at a trophy shop.
Nuts 'N' Chews
I too am in the midst of a bathroom reno, well, in the midst of agreeing with my wife about what she likes in a bathroom.
The highlight of the reno and the reason I'm leaving things in her oh so capable hands is our new toilet. For some reason I laugh every time I see it and every time she mentions our Wall Hung toilet to a friend. I'm thinking of getting some sort of prosthesis to hang off the base and branding it the Well Hung toilet.
Thanks for proving me right that its not "a stupid idea" to name your toilet.
Isn't it obvious, it should be called:
I think Big Hungry Joe and New Jersey are the best so far, but if we're gonna go with the Scottish theme, there's really only one name the toilet can have...
Half #1, Half #2, Half not good with fractions.
"the squeeze" is a winner!
my dad calls our the "Splatter Catcher 9000" but my vote goes to the "Senator" cause just like them, the toilet will be full of shit as well.
"Scatmandu" - A nice tribute to Bob Seger.
How about The Moment of Truth?
"Hurricane Latrina" is very clever.
The Turd'n'ator 500
Gus is hilarious and gets my vote
Also a toilet named Bill Cosby would rock
BIG HUNGRY JOE!
BIG HUNGRY JOE!
If not, The squeeze is brilliant and I like Shatner as well.
The Squeeze gets my vote. pure genius.
All I wanna do when I wake up in the morning is take a poo....Rosanna, Rosanna.
I LOLd at "Amber Waves" so I think I'll second that one.
I came across this link several years ago and, whenever the conversion turns to that that of toilet-talk, I can't help but mention the Great John. It's a toilet for "larger" people...and the website is actually pretty hilarious. Words do it no justice, though...just have a look at the satisfied couple on this page:
So I vote that you bypass this "standard" toilet crap (pardon the pun) and go straight for the Great John!
nelson totally wins with new jersey.
If you're not down with the "Great John" idea, you could always just call your toilet:
(Of course, the Browns would play everytime)
My grandparents used to live in a really old farmhouse. I think it was built before indoor plumbing b/c they had a flaming toilet. Seriously. You closed the lid and the contents would burst into flames. Deal with THAT at 3 years-old.
Anyway, the name doesn't fit here, but it's actual name is too precious not to share.
I like "Oval Office"
The Porcelain Patsy
The Cake Gobbler
Phi Beta Crappa
The Immaculate Throne of Morning Reflection
I wouldn't be displeased with The Shatner, either, tho. ;)
"harry potty" anyone?
My entry: Old Yeller
My vote: Event Horizon
Honorable mention: William Shatner
where can i get an exploding firey toilet? seriously someone tell me? I don't even want to know what happened when your pets died in that house....
I was watching something about a murder in Carrollton yesterday..
Anyway, Captain's Log? Credit goes to the William Shatner people.
That is all.
I'm just laughing because the toilet is actually named "Carrollton" because I'm related to this guy>/a>.
It's gotta be Chernobyl. But Casbah is pretty good too...
THE SQUEEZE, I mean, isn't it obvious? It sorta sounds like the sneeze so there you go, no further inquiries needed.......
Something for the kids, eh...?
the "Dookie Monster"
My vote goes to Fox's name in the 5th post: Charybdis.
How about "Daddy's Twenty Minute Vacation"?
i vote shatner... but it got me thinkin
there will be poo
no poo for old men
in the valley of poo
poo: the golden age
the diving poo and the butterfly
i could do this all day... or should i say poo
In my family, we used to call the bathroom the "Poopatorium." As in, "Don't bother daddy, he's studying really hard in the Poopatorium right now."
Holy shit (no pun - really) - there are a lot of great name to choose from. My votes are:
1. The Shatner
-The Sawmill - as in "Gotta go drop off some logs at the sawmill"
-The Time Machine - because time seems to stand still or sometimes you come out and it's a different day.
So I only had the stamina to read halfway through all the comments, but my favorites were
Toilet (mostly because of Justin's reflection)
and New Jersey. Who can resist mocking New Jersey? Or, for that matter, taking a shit in it?
The Throne of Reason
Concentrated Evil Eliminator
Mitch Hedberg mentioned "Catch 22" but I think "Catch #2" would be appropriate. I LOVE Hurricane Latrina!
...a variation on "the Shatner"...
simply "William Shatner", with a "Beam me Down" lid.
Fire Photon Torpedoes!
As in, "I've gotta go to work at The Lumbermill." or "It's going to be a late day. I've got to put in some overtime at The Lumbermill."
RTS - Return to Sender
"Steve Don't Flush That!"
Small Pet Disposal
The Goddess - worship at her feet
I also really like "Shatner" and "Event Horizon," but the Stargate also works really well.
I've always been partial to "Crapper"
the event horizon
in descending order of amazing.
My Suggestion: Dorothy (Dorothy and Toto just go together) The full characters name is Dorothy Gale which is good too.
Or maybe The whizzer of Oz?? (stupid I know)
My Vote: The Event Horizon (very clever)
Honerable mentions: Xanadu (haha), The squeeze, shitoon, and of course, Gus
The Shatner is funny too but I hope it doesn't win
I love Latrina... but my contribution is
The Pee Brain
My vote goes to "The Shatner"
dianetics (the original container of crap)
I dont know why- But I think you should name it after a Pokemon, or a godzilla monster.
or give it a humorous name
"The Doody Honker"
or something nonsensical like
"Heat and Chaos"
"Cafe Le Chapeau"
or "The Goonies"
Well.. It's hard to name something without knowing it, I didn't name my cats for a while and just let them earn their names (they wound up being Bozo and Gravy). So what do we know about toilets? Well We know they are always there for you. Be it trouble down below at 3am or just the standard morning drop off, they're there, working around the clock 24/365.25. Like man's best friend, faithful... Loyal..
So here are some names that mean faithful/loyal or some synonym thereof.
Truman - Loyal Man
Taka - Dutiful
Enoch - Devoted; Dedicated
Another is Tua which means Behind. Which works on so many levels.
No matter what you choose to name your new pal I'm sure the relationship between man and seat will be a strong one.
"The Porcelain Express"
finding nemo, anyone?
Assfrica is a winner. I also propose:
Poo de toilette
Doodet (pronounced like bidet)
Duke of Dooks
Assfrica - classic
Catcher of the Rye?
Ps This shit is FUNNY.
A few more:
Poops of Hazard
Dookies of Hazard
Dook of Hurl
One Oppapoo-nity (ala Eminem)
2 poos in a cup
Not only because you will be using it, but because your son has a tendency to flush other things down.
I suggest "Poop Deck"
You can adopt pirate speak just before and after you go. Maybe even holler "Shiver me timbers!" during, if it's a moving moment.
"The Enameled Shit Throat"
I am duty-bound to think up at least one, but I don't think I can outdo Shatner. HR Flush'n Stuff is also hilarious!
My boyfriend and I thought it over and we've got:
The Ring of Fire
The Porcelain Pissant
The Tax Refund
more when we think of them
My favorite so far: Lord Shattington
Works with the scottish theme, as well as what will inevitably send you running there. Also, notice the initials.... Coincidence?
If those don't gain support, I'd throw my vote in for Hurricane Latrina,
William Shatner would be my second vote. If someone came over to use the 'john' you could say you didn't have one, but the "Bill" is down the hall second door on the right!
The Turd Goblin
The Poop Burglar
then when you flush you say, "take it away, captain!" and you can salute if you so desire.
it's just you and the cap'n makin it happen.
Let's go with a manly theme, like cars.
How about the BMW S-Class.?
That stands for Bowel Movement Washer. I think the S is self-explanatory.
The Forget Me Not
"Ass-ton Catcher" - A variation of Ashton Kutcher, whose acting ability is in the toilet...
whoever wrote Diablo Cody, that's pretty good
However my suggestion is: Mike Holmgren
or Turd Ferguson, that's a good name for a toilet.
"Dirty Harry" or "Dirty Hairy"
"the pearly throne of justice"
instead of the classic "John" maybe "Jean-Claude" or "Jean-Pierre"
and of course you could go with the always hilarious "your mom" or "your face" -"i have to go take a poo on your mom", "i've been sitting on your face all morning"
shooting range (or shitting range if you will)
Unicornicopia and the dream catcher are my favorites.
I dont have any ideas at all but id like to share that when my friends and i need to take a shit we usually say " imma gonna take out the trash"
speaking of shit LOLOL
"The Brick Catcher" could be a nice one..
like shitting bricks lawlawl
I've always called all my toilets by the same name:
And I'm serious about my toilet. I can only "eliminate" properly into "home waters" so to speak.
Strange toilets make me nervous for some reason.
see the wiki definition ... strangely appropriate.
"An altar is any structure upon which sacrifices or other offerings are offered for religious purposes, or some other sacred place where ceremonies take place."
By proxy the bathroom as a whole can become The Temple.
The Event Horizon, Xanadu, Mount Olympus, or Valhalla are my votes... in that order. It totally need an extravagant name.
I had to collect a poop sample form my dog for the vet, only they insisted on calling it a sequel.
Number 2 The Sequel
The Throne of Lost Souls
My top five.
My favorites so far are McCrapper, Shatner, and Event Horizon.
I humbly submit:
"The Blue Track Vortex"
"The Optometrist" (who examines your brown eye...)
The Squeeze--"Half number one, Half number two, Half not good with fractions"
Can't go past it really
I don't think this one has been mentioned yet, but for all the gamers out there, how about..
I like combining William Shatner with Rear Sneeze as Xiledsavior said, but it should Shatner's Rear Sneeze, or Shatner's Bottom Sneeze.
I also like Poop Deck or Poop Ledge.
BTW I like The Event Horizon, The Confidant, Dream Catcher, The Pensieve and The Squeeze.
Didn't your kids flush some animals down the toilet once? Maybe you should call it The Zoo. But that might encourage them to put more animals into it.
I haven't seen this one yet, but have always been fond of "The Turd Tank". Simplicity at it's finest!
The Amy Winehouse Habitat
BWAH HA HA to "Kenworth Hauling Logs" - I loved that song as a kid.
"Stinky Pete" - which your kids might appreciate it if they're "Toy Story" fans
"Mr. Hanky's Home" for South Park fans
"Grandmaster Flush" for rap lovers
Or maybe "Lord of the Rings"
Although my faves from above are:
Gambino & Sons' Lie Detector & Water-Boarding Device
I really have to give props to The Squeeze on this. i mean really....that's fantastic. I would also like to submit " The Mad Crapper" in honor of some kid at Boy Scout camp who used to take dumps at random places ( eg. the base of the flag pole, or home plate at the baseball field) in the middle of the night so we would all have nice big steamy suprises the next morning. My Favs thus far: The Squeeze, Lord Shattington, The Shanter, McCrapper, and my own The Mad Crapper
excuse me, The Shatner, sorry
Oh and also, for all those Homestar fans out there
as in, "Honey, I'll be back in a bit, I just need to go to the office"
Here's a few gems...
Two words: "The Duece"
(Classy yet somehow offensive at the same time. It's perfect.)
-Steve, Definitley Don't Eat This
How about Epsilon (one of the rings of Uranus) no really!
The Shitake Mushbowl
The Loch-Shit Monster
Lake Baby Ruth
The Loaf Pit
The Slop Pot
My Sweet Shit Bucket
Le Tank Du Shit
The Super Bowel
Crap Diddly Doo
Poo Poo McGoo
Piss Poo McGoo
Swallow Me Filth
Shit Me Baby!
Shit Me Baby One Time
The Pooper Bowl
The Great Sneeze could settle for no lesser water closet than:
TOTO: the great porcelian god, to whom you must bow in prayer after those "delicious" culinary events.
or some abbreviation thereof, after all that is a bit of a mouthful, in my time I have had John The Great Porcelian God, and 3 incarnations of The Prophet Brent.
I could never top some of these. My votes go for "The Event Horizon" (I'm still giggling over that one) and "The Shitoon".
The Ring of Fire
The Poop Coop
i fully support unicornicopia. it has very little to do with toilets, but it just sounds so regal!
"mount crapatoa" or perhaps "sir smelly mouth" but i would go with a classic.....remember full metal jacket? the best half of a movie ever made? i'd go with that and name it charlene!
3. the Squeeze
if u do name it charlene btw u could always say..."hey baby i'm going to sit on charlenes' face for a while,tivo this for me! lol
How about :
Crap Monger 3000
Bibbity Bobbity Poo
The Trudy Bowl
Prairie Dog Creek
BTW "Event Horizon" is so totally funny.
My favorite is definitely Dream Catcher. I also really like the Shatner. I also really like all of you guys. This has made my day.
And just to throw it out there, Smashing Poopkins.
Pronounced like "Sir Lancelot"
i vote for "shatner," "the shitoon," or "charybdis."
but there also could be a good, strong, ship's name, like "the defiant" or "dauntless."
i would also like to share that in cajun creole, what it's called has to do with what you're doing... it's called both the "PISSOIR" and the "SHITTOIR." i mean, that's brillliant.
1. The DREAMCATCHER
2. The EVENT HORIZON
My vote would go towards "Hurricane Latrina" ..
I think you should call it the "Sir Elton John."
But that may just because the local radio station that they stream through my office won't stop playing "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me," and the part where George Michael says "LADIEZ AND GENTLEMEN, SIR ELTON JOHN" absolutely destroys me.
Other than that, I'm a big fan of "The Confidant" and "The Shatner."
"The Shatner" all the way! That comment about making a captain's log was hilarious. Coming up with a name for the toilet is important, but when you already have an awesome line for the act to go with it, you've got a double shot of excellence. One might even say, "Number two with a bullet!" (with apologies to Alf)
- The Bakery
(for all the loaves you feel compelled to pinch off inside of it).
Ok, all this is great. But the real question is who here is man enough to get a Washlet? Seriously. www.cleanishappy.com You won't regret it.
If you haven't already found the perfect toilet seat may I suggest the little number?
Just think of the possibilities for toilet paper!
The Shatner is awesome!
Sterculius (Roman god of feces, Beavis and Butthead? Anyone?)
Singularity (nod to event horizon and Black Hole)
I like from above:
The Porcelain God
(Cos after drinking too much one can pray to this)
how about "the bakery"? in high school my cross country coach told us to "pinch a loaf" before the race, so "the bakery" just seemed appropriate.
also, one time my buddy took an extra long time and our coach told him he said pinch a loaf not bake the bread ahhaha
At work we just call it "The Boss", as in "I'm gonna go have a talk with 'The Boss'."
The Poo Lagoon
Like blue lagoon
Or to go with the scotch thing
after all, isn't that what you call it whenever you actually speak to it?
I looked here because I was amazed there were over 400 comments for naming a freakin' toilet. So I suggest "Britney" in honor of the similar excessive paparazzi attention.
Susan way down there is confused on the origin of the shortened name "Ralph" for puking.... it's "Calling Ralph on the big white telephone"... which doesn't necessarily imply that "Ralph" is the TOILET'S name...
But I digress...
I'd suggest perhaps The Dump Truck... or Francis Ford Crappola.
While growing up, my eldest brother always referred to the toilet as "The Brain". Looking back, I now think it must have been an obscure reference to "The Head". "I have to hit The Brain."
I fell head over heals for the name "Moon Dancer" after seeing a toilet seat named that.
Being from Pittsburgh, I like the idea of "Brown's Stadium"
For the movie goers: Flush Gordon
for golfers: Pepple Beach
for bankers: the Shyte Depository
I'm gonn stay up all night until I get one that I'm satisfied with.
i go for loretta, its classy, its comfy, but in a trailer park kinda sense. loretta is strong enough to take your shit.
After I took a cruise I began refering to #2 as dropping anchor but I can't think of any good names to go with it. Perhaps the Torpedo Tube? "I have to man the Torpedo. Fire number 2!"
Of the above, Charybdis is the best -- and I highly recommend The Odysey for bathroom reading. The Shatner is also good.
"The whirlwind bollock muncher"
In reference to the manufacturers, Toto. You can name your turds Dorothy.. as in...
"Be right back, I need to go shoot Dorothy in to the Whirlwind Bollock Muncher"
... then you can come out and announce that due to the smell you're "not in Kansas anymore"
-The Crap Vortex
-The Pebble Dasher
-The Cheek Eater
-The Wishing Well
Well, its seems like the two front-runners in this contest are
William Shatner/The Shatner/Lord Shattington
*side note: I'm including Lord Shattington because its so similar*
The Event Horizon
My personal vote goes for "The Event Horizon", despite the fact that i suggested "William Shatner".
If "William Shatner" ends up winning though, we're gonna have to decide on a version. I like the formal "William Shatner" best, mostly because Steve could then name his bathroom "The Bridge" and proceed to say
William Shatner just called me up to The Bridge to discuss some serious business.
Jimmy Hoffa's Grave
Visible Corn Depository
Church! Not just for Sundays!
I cast my official votes for
The Squeeze and Event Horizon!
My humble suggestion is:
THE BANK --
"Back in a few minutes honey, I'm off to The Bank to make a deposit..."
/can't believe someone out there has a paid job naming toilets
Baron Von Deucerton is named after the historical figure of the same name.
sorry, here it is http://www.oneilcentral.com/baron.jpg
I've thought more about this and in keeping with the pompous Kohler names, I would like to suggest:
BTW, they have a bidet named Amaretto (ick!) and a toilet named Persuade (?!).
Good 'ol Billy Shatner was the first name that came to mind, and seems just too good.
Your post has been up for ONE DAY and you've already received 449 comments!? SHIT! I've got no names for your potty...just SHIT! We do loves us some Sneeze, don't we?
The Turd Sanctuary
Weapon of Ass Destruction
but I dig the shatner.
Major Major Major Major (from Catch-22)
The Turbo-Turd 2000
Willy Wonka (and the Chocolate Factory)
Buzz Lightyear (keep it family friendly, for the little guy)
The Shit Shack
Choose wisely :)
I'm going to suggest Brown's Stadium again. It works on many levels
The Dookie Blaster
Finneus J. Wampabum's amazing shit box
Depends, really, on how you will use the toilet's name.
--For laughs when your kids say it in public ("Daaaad, I have to go to the ____"):
*The Squeeze Box
--Private, sexy talks with toilet:
*[You] Frothy Minx
--Loudly announcing pending poopscapades/
exhasperating the wife:
*the Cave of Wonders
--Having name embossed in gold leaf/ emblazoned on a plaque:
*Dream Catcher (script font)
*The Event Horizon (a sans serif).
To the poor soul who suggested Brutal 850 Pound Bear Rape--fiber much?
lets see its a toilet to its sleek and pretty like a women but it deals with "crappy" business like men normally would so it needs to be the name of a manly woman
I would go with Big Bertha
I must say I have an affinity for the shat variations:
Let me add Professor Shatmost
trying the celeb angle:
I asked some experts (3 young gents aged 11, 8, and 6) this question and here's what I got:
The poop eater
The poop swallower
The poop bus
The poop express
The twin toilets (?)
(You can see that this exercise degenerated into "let's name a toilet after someone we hate.)
But I still love "The Shatner"
Let me change that to Lady Shatmost
The Shatner has my vote, but in this case wouldn't it be something like The Shitner?
Anyway, I'm also thinking of The Chosen One, just because you could say "Now, I'm off to take a crap in The Chosen One".
Best. Contest. Ever.
I don't think anyone has yet suggested
"Shitty Shitty Bang Bang."
It comes with music. And it may fly.
Loretta. That is class
"I want to be Loretta!"
Tho' it might be hard to top the actual "Persuade" toilet on the Kohler site (I've linked it to my name below...). I assume (heh, "ass"ume) that it cajoles you into crapping: "Come oooonnnn.... You know you wannna!!"
I'm especially impressed with its "Skirted trapway" which, apparently, "is easy to clean and eliminates potential debris."
Potential debris? Seriously?!?
Here's my list:
La Range De Chocolat
le numéro deux
park in rear
"the hugh heffner of poop catchers!"
sundance riding into the brown setting sun
the return of the fly
It's our little g-rated f-bomb. And it makes a fine name for the throne.
How about "The ARSEnal"?
But if you think that's lame, I really love Butt Reynolds.
I submit: Count Chocula.
My favorite prior posts:
-The Event Horizon
The High School Masturbation Chamber-it's what we callt he toilet in our basement.
If you wanted to get fancy
'Porceliena of the Vast Oceans' -inspired by a sp song of the same name.
I didn't read all the comments, so I don't know if anyone already suggested 'The Crapapult'
The unbearable likeness of shitting
seriously, "The Event Horizon" has been the best post so far (at least in my opinion). I have yet to see anyone top it with a more appropriate name.
I suggest we end this and just go with "The Event Horizon".
1. Stenchy Breeze
2. Uranus Moon
3. Jersey Summer
4. Seriously, what's up with New Jersey in summer?
5. Peener Falls
Yeah, I'm going to have to agree with Austin. The Event Horizon just tops all.
This thread makes me have to poop.
I would go for a tropical/adventure motif, The Banzai Pipeline
My toilet in my current house is so incredibly old, the name stamped in it blue block letters ...
The porcelain bus. We call it this because when you're throwing up into it, it looks like you're holding the sterring wheel of a bus.
how about "mr. turd's wild ride"?
or, maybe, "the confessional"
george w bush chili bowl......as in "i'm gonna go feed bush some chili!"
Ole Gravy Bowl
The Cauldron of Crap
And my personal favorite - Rasin
oh no she din't!
oh yea she did!
The BK Blaster
Top 5 Votes:
1. Deep Blue
2. Event Horizon
3. Kenny Logg-ins
4. Turtlehead Lake
The Shit Sandwich
The Poo village, Poo Hut, etc. that just has such a jungle vibe to it, don't you want a jungle vibe?
Squatting Tiger, Fecal Dragon
Final Fantasy VII
The Wizard's Workshop
"The Librarian" is VERY good! I really can see Kohler with a whole line of upscale plumbing fixtures by that name.
"The Shatner" would be their line for the less sophisticated type of client.
the porcelain throne
as in, hail to the porcelain throne?
yeah, thought so.
Turd Burglar 2000
I have to agree with Turd Ferguson. Its just funny. Perhaps put a sombrero over it as well.
Othewise, the William Shatner can not be beat. Perhaps put a framed 8x10 photo of ol' Will with the quote:
“I'm coming little animal!”
“Beyond the rim of the starlight ... ”
just like the song & movie. :)
Really negating the whole 'Wizard of Oz' aspect of Toto -really?
I mean you have "Dorthy" right out of the gate. Not to mention the yellow brick road, and that is without clever wordplay.
Of course we go go more intricate:
The Wiz-ard of OZ
Glenda "The white witch" white bowl...oh nevermind
Munchkinland - "Going to drop a house on Munchkinland"
The Rainbow as in the song "Somewhere over the rainbow."
But barring those the Shatner is pretty clever.
Final Fantasy VII!!!!!! hilarious!
The Backwards Ass Fountain
So Steve, I am an AVID reader and decided to share your antics with my friends.
Oddly enough, I decided to do this in the middle of my coffee house work place. Needless to say they were in tears from laughter and on the verge of being kicked out because of the cacophany of noise from various "HAHA's" to my personal favorite "OOFAAAH".
I just thought I'd let you know that I just earned you about 36 new readers.
Now, pertaining to the toilet thing... In our bathroom here at home, my mom thought it would be nice to put a small christmas tree in our beach themed bathroom. What Christmas has to do with the beach, I don't know either... Either way it's in there, decorated with beach-themed ornaments and such.
I thought it was quite quaint and gave it the cute little name of "Toilet-tree".... Get it? Yeah? No? Toiletry?
Well, I just thought that even if I don't win the toilet naming contest, I could persuade you to get your own toilet tree... maybe we'll start a fad!
If you're lucky, your toilet-tree will grow a brain too and then you could fry and eat it!
Well, to wrap it up.. I think you should call your toilet
"THE MILLENIUM FALCON!"
Yeah, a shitter built for Harrison Ford.
Despite the great suggestions, I need to offer up a feminine name that the whole family will be comfortable with:
(really, Merry Loo!)
On a slightly related side note, our local news channel's weather-lady's name is Mary Loos. Makes me laugh every day.
I like that Hurricane Latrina suggestion.
I thought something rustic like those company names would do nice:
I like Xanadu, Thunder Mug, Event Horizon, and Pearl Harbor the best, out of the above submissions.
for those wanting to change The Shatner into the Shitner....Shat is acctually the past term form of shit so it fits supprisingly well...and it proper english it is "I have shat" not "I took a shit"
1. I vote for "Event Horizon". It is classy and evocative.
2. I can't believe I'm helping someone name their shame disposer.
"The drop zone" As in "I got a jumper in the door"
From a UK point of view, "Thunderbox" is an accurate, yet reserved choice.
The White Cliffs of Doo-Doo Dover.
OK, I stopped reading at around comment #350, but if you're going to call it the Shatner and hang a picture of Bill then the obvious quote to go underneath the picture is:
"To boldly go...".
i second "the shitoon" and "lord shattington" and "the squeeze"
but my favorite is probably gus, mostly because i dont think it was actually made as a suggestion.
Oh, and I can't resist.... why is pooh tapered?
So your bum doesn't slam shut!
rofl, I kill myself sometimes!!!!
loving the oval office and the turd burgalur as well, consider turd burgalur is one of my favourite innsults.
My best friend Uncle Carl's prosthetic knee cap
Ones and twosies big ol' doosies
Wee Wee McPoopulator
The first "wee" meaning "small"...the second "wee" meaning "wee"
My top five:
Big Hungry Joe
The Oval Office
(ps--I vote for Event Horizon)
The Throne of Lost Souls is my personal favourite. It seems far too macabre for something you crap into.
you might enjoy this too. A brief history of the western style toilet
The Tidy Bowl Cave.
"I have to go deliver some brown parcels to the Tidy Bowl man"
Lair of the Sea-Pickle
Which is of course where you go to "Launch the Sea-Pickle"
"I got to go feed Nessie"
The Misadventures of Professor Oliver Orion Prescott, in the 22nd Century
Honorable mentions for:
"The Turd Burgler"
I still vote
I also like
Dookies of Hazard
The Tree-"Log" Brain.
It could also be a new instrument for our awesome non-existant band.
I got dibs on the Tree-"Log" Brain. I think the plop plop would add a nice little background sound to the terrific songs we don't play.
I like Charybdis as above, and also Shatner and Pearl Harbor.
However, my suggestion is on the heels of Greenpeace's very popular whale name: Mr. Splashy Pants. Think about it.... Riiight.
And what's up with all the New Jersey references? Please be more specific...The only thing in NJ thats smells like that of a toilet is the Turnpike, not the whole state.
I vote for turdie.
The toliet can then be "turdi-licous" so they'd be lineing down the block just to watch your turd drop.
It's hard to say but I you'll have pleanty of time sitting there trying to say it.
Einarr Pambarskelfir, a legendary Icelandic archer
especially known for his powerful bow work, carried the
nickname "Superfarter," according to Scandinavian medieval studies
expert Anatoly Liberman.
My vote: Dookie Monster!!!
Rev. Al Sharpton's family pool
The "Blumpkin Patch"
You could also write on the top "Abandon all hope ye who enter."
Thats all I have for now.
from my bookshelf:
The Great Gatsby
Heart of Darkness
But I really like Pearl Harbor and The Shatner.
I'd really like to think of a Harry Potter themed name so that every time you took a shit you could shout, "Twenty points for Gryffindor!"
How about "Torpedo Runs"?
I didn't read them all, so apologies for repeating:
The Steamer Trunk
Lake Pooperior, Hurine, Shit-agin (Tittykaka might be pushing it, no?)
The Fecal's Nest
The Shite House
"Pissandra: A Commode"
Sheebray (French pronunciation of Shitbreath)
"Morning Rains" or " The Eternal Struggle"
How about Crapfordshire?
Say it with a British accent. It lends it a sense of decadence
Fun Park theme: The Log Flume
Ball Park theme: The Dugout
The Sneeze theme: The Fart...Half pee. Half pooh. Half not good with abc's or 123's.
Small Child in the House theme: The Happy Time Poopy Chair
Newspaper theme: The Daily Constitutional...or Constipational, I can't decide
Magazine theme: The Cosmopoopington
Aristocrat theme: The Rockapooper Center
Big Business theme: The Deluxe Continental Turd Receptical
Religious themes: I must go with the above...The Holy Grail
Romantic theme: The Turd Barge...where every voyage is exciting and new!
I tried to keep in mind that you have small children like me, whom I assume find pooh just hilarious, like mine, so in keeping with that, my 8 yr old and I agree that some sort of reference to George W. from above is most apropos and histerical as well.
I like the "lord shattington" or " event horizon"
My would be "The Duke"
Of course the best name is: Crapper Keeper.
THE WHIRLING TURDISH!
Well I thought I would cast my votes in no particular order;
The Event Horizon
The Fartess of Solidpoo
favs that are not mine:
The Event Horizon
The Log Cabin
and my own:
The Log Flume :D
the ass engager
ceramic crap container
I deposit all my crap to........... file 13
American Savings and Loan
Ukrainean Summer Breeze
Even though this is buried deep, I want to mention that steve got a shout in the comments for the Onion's version of SDET.
Very first one www.avclub.com/content/feature/taste_test_cheeseburger_in_a
I was much more looking forward to Steve (not) eating it...
I have a couple, depending on what kind of image you want for your toilet.
If you want a powerful, almost epic-norse-god-like title, I think you should consider The Devourer.
If you are looking for a more warm, homely feel, perhaps The Lovely Ass Comforter.
Or if you want something dainty-esque, perhaps Les Shittier (pronounced "less shitty-eh") is right for you.
in honor of Steve's favorite Wiggle.
I vote for THE SHATNER!
(2nd fave is iPood)
I haven't read through all of the hundreds of comments...has anyone yet suggested this one:
"Dumpus all encompass"
It is an awesome song by the cartoon "Rock School". It is not shitty at all! Go here:
to see a little video of the song...(first you must play a maddenly hard matching game...but it is worth it!)
El PooPooCabra translates roughly to the "poo poo sucker"
it works on so many levels
okay, El PooPooCabra is my new fave!!!
Its an El PooPooCabra Revolution!
Paul sounds like a winner.
"The Six Million Dollar Can"
"There Will be Blood"
"The Ass Hole"
"On Top of old Smokey"
"The Super Bowl"
"The Turd bunker"
LOL. My votes are "Event Horizon" and "Professor Dumpledore"
In my house, we call the whole room "The Fortress of Solitude"
The Turd Burglar
The Muffin Muncher
The Flatch Hatch
I'm voting for William Shatner (or just The Shat!) and iPood... and would like to add:
How about The Pee Drain....
The Event Horizon
The Devil's Door
Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
The Queezy Chair
The Rumble Seat
Hmmm, dookie, dook, duke, the Duke, John Wayne (PBUH)...
Why not "Il Duce".
I also vote for "McCrapper" and "Lord Shattington".
Either April Showers
In honor of a line from My Name is Earl....
The Plop-Ease (if that's too highbrow, you can class it down with deliberate misspellings like "Plop-Eeze" etc.)
How about the "Mouth of God"?
I liked "Bob" and "the pool"
Super pooper Flume..
I can't believe it's not butt butter!
Defication Station ...CHOO CHOO!
2. William Shatner
3. Professor Dumpledore (LOL'd so hard I'm crying, but not sure it has lasting power)
4. The Event Horizon
On second thought:
It can only really be an iPood if the toilet's white, right Steve? And personally I think "Professor Dumpledore" would suit a fine wood grain. What does your toilet LOOK like? Then we can make a more informed decision.
You guys are disturbed.
gotta appreciate lake shittikaka and splash gordung. this is bringing out, perhaps, the greatest creative effort in human history.
Hey Steve! I've been reading your blog for quite some time not, and let me tell you, I'm a big fan. I'm also a Tree-Brainer.
As for toilet names, I've never given much thought to the subject. Let's see...
Tim the Enchanter
I like the name Brian. Brian the toilet. It works. Or Bob. I also like Bob.
How about in honor of Otis..."Shittin' on the dock of the bay"
My faves so far in order of appearance:
The Log Sort
The dream catcher
Home of the Whopper
My only suggestion is something I came up with while.. (ahem) working on a number puzzle on the toilet: Sudookie.
The "Not so Port-a-Shitter"
I have to vote for "Lord Shattington"
or simply "The Shattington"
Dingle Berry Farms
For generic toilet euphemisms I really like:
Big Hungry Joe
For Steve's special new toilet I really like:
For my contribution to the mix:
International House of Air Biscuits
Fred (a shitty name if ever there was one..)
Just because anytime anyone gets up to go to the bathroom i have a strong urge to yell out "Release the Kraken!"
Still, it doesn't even come close to the greatness of William Shatner.
I'm kind of partial to:
The Last Train to C.H.U.D.sville
As a big Mario fan, I'm seconding Princess Turdstool.
How about the floral-sounding...
- The Great White Hope
- Yankee Country (For Red Sox Fans Like Myself)
- Flava Flav (If ever a man looked like a sickly piece of shit, this man does.
- Port St. Slucey
- Evacuation Chamber
-Britney Spears Cooter (Who hasn't vomited a herpes and aids ridden load into it at this point.)
- Polish Birth Control Center
i like latrina the best because it keeps with the theme of women's names and it sounds kinda classy at first. turd furguson is great too.
Simply: RAISINS! as in, "I just dropped a duece in Raisins!"
The Shat Cave
Feces Peanut Butter Cup
The Craptain and Pissneille
Diahrea of Anne Frank
the nerd in me loves the Shatner, but Austin i agree that it should be given the formal name William Shatner. Then you could call it wee-willy or the shatner depending on the event. (and seriously could name the bathroom the bridge, so funny)
When I was teaching pre-school there was a girl who liked to go into the bathroom and sing. Primarily songs by The Police. Fitting. There are few things funnier that a tiny little girl belting out "YOOOOU DON'T HAVE TO PUUUT ON THE REEEEED LIIIIIGHT" in a room where the acoustics really reverberate. Long story short, I submit for your pooping pleasure:
I'm a big fan of Gus, Broken Hearted, and Splash Mountain.
Steve Don't Poop It
Steve I Told You Not To Eat It
according to my count, William Shatner and The Event Horizon are still the front runners, but im now taking it upon myself to tally up the names.
If you could, save you ideas for new names until i finish, but go ahead and post your favorites. I'm only including names with more than one vote, and im not including the votes you have for the name you suggested.
wish me luck!
A late entry:
The new Steve-throne should be called:
In honour of this fella:
Who gave new meaning to art and canned goods. Ahem.
I offer you:
Dude, the first thing I thought was "Snagglepuss". Whatever that implies...
If you need me, I'll be in my office, or, Sorry honey, I have a feeling i'll be spending all day at the office.
I'm quite partial to The Poopinator.
Definately put a tally mark next to "The Steve Ate it Memorial".
Because whatever Steve's eating, lord knows its in the memorial.
I know it's gross, but maybe you could include a picture of the next day's crap with each new Steve, Don't Eat It! entry... featuring the shiny new memorial! hey... shame on you if you dont think poop is funny.
i know its late for new entries, but i like "Dung Dungeon" best too.
"The Deuce Lounge" or respectively "Ace's Lounge" depending on one or two...
LOL The Happy Time Poopy Chair...LOL
in keeping with the Shatner theme call it
to boldly go where no man has gone before
and while your sitting "contemplating life" you could shout things like
Fire proton torpedos
Damit Jim Im a doctor not a Proctologist
(scottish accent..BAD..) Shes breakin apart captn she cana take much more
(vulcan) Its something we have never seen before captain
(vulcan) the grunting is just illogical
and if someone is knocking on the door
Not now Im battleing Klingons
we trully are a very large group of very disturbed individuals ... and I love it HA
When I hear the name Toto, I think Wizard.
So, I submit
The Porcelain Prince...
or Psychedelic Wormhole.
The Crust Muffin
There's no rhyme or reason to my choice - it's just the first thing that popped into my head.
I'm sure this is something I need to discuss with my therapist.
So that next time you are watching the real Ann Coulter speak, and someone remarks "where does she come up with this shit," you can smile proudly.
"Fine Pickles" -- Adds a new twist to some Sneeze lore. Goes well with the "Please put your pants on" prefix, as these at least partly come off while in use. Also, a fine pickle could be a euphamism for a turd.
So far I like "Steve Ate It" from the above selections......my idea is sweet and simple......
"The Holy Crapper" -didn't see it above
(I know in MY house we hear "Holy Crap" more times than could possibly be normal)
Keep up the great work Steve, great public service you've got going on here!!!
How 'bout "The Cosmic Commode?"
Although I do like "Splash Mountain" and "Event Horizon."
If you'd rather give your toilet a more friendly persona, I would cast my.. er.. vote for William Shatner.
The whole thing is hilarious, Steve. How many other things in your house have been christened by the Internet?
For your consideration... most thought up by my lovely, dear husband...
The dookie houser
I dont feel like reading 8000 comments so perhaps it's already been suggested- but Ill say
If Pickles has already been mentioned, I'll suggest Dolores (You remember the delicious pickled pork rinds don't you Steve?)
The Hillary's Think Tank
The Dog Bowl
The Bread Basket
The Hooterville Trolley
Uncle Joe's Mess Hall
for Transformers fans:
The Dank Pit of Sorrow
The Dunk Tank
The Bathroom Barcalounger
Of the so-far suggested, I'd go with "Dreamcatcher" or "The Event Horizon." My own original suggestion: "Shady Pines." I can never resist a Golden Girls reference, and it's a nice place to "retire" to.
Eric the Toilet (for Monty Python fans)
I for one am a fan of personification. Hence, in no particular order-
Professor Dumpledore...ha ha ha!
Dookie Houser, M.D.
"Turtle Head Lake" sounds picturesque, as well.
Lots of good ones.
I've changed my mind.
In the spirit of "Memoirs" and "Kathryn" I like:
A Mighty Wind
Spirit of St. Louis
Culo Dolce ("Sweet Ass" in Italian)
Cradle of Freedom
I still love:
Big Hungry Joe
I for one am a fan of personification. Hence, in no particular order-
Professor Dumpledore...ha ha ha!
Dookie Houser, M.D.
"Turtle Head Lake" sounds picturesque, as well.
Lots of good ones.
ok, after much discussion, my boyfriend and i have come up with these more:
the pit of despair
the turdinator (i'll be back)
dr. strangelove's waiting room
rowdy roddy diaper
guantanamo bay (for releasing the prisoner)
famous amos's twin, heinous anus
the accountant (work it out with a pencil)
make way for dumplings
bowel's moving castle, for anime fans.
however, i STILL vote for shatner.
I like "Shitoon." Screw your kids.
The Captains Log
The Echo Chamber
Guantanamflow bidet (this bathroom doesn’t condone torture…)
The CANtina (never has there been such a wrenched hive of scum and villainy)
The Honey Dipper
or, for the kiddies, The Thinking Chair (nod to Blue's Clues... You know what to do!)
ok.........never again will i volunteer to go through hundreds of posts for a toilet name. That took much longer and was much more difficult than i expected.
Steve, you owe me a T-Shirt, or something.
Anyways, what follows is a complete list of all the names that got at least a second vote. If the name was mentioned in a positive light, i counted it.
William Shatner / The Shatner - 61
The Event Horizon - 39
The Shitoon - 20
Lord Shattington - 17
The Squeeze - 16
GUS - 15
The Dream Catcher - 14
Hurricane Latrina - 10
Big Hungry Joe - 9
McCrapper - 7
Assfrica - 7
New Jersey - 7
The Poop Ledge - 6
Charybdis - 6
Loretta - 6
Xanadu - 6
Splash Mountain - 5
Arserenity - 5
Professor Dumpledore - 5
The Confidant - 5
iPood - 5
Turd Ferguson - 5
Perhaps the Smelltron 2.5 - 4
The Crapperjack - 4
Dookie Houser - 4
The Bottom Sneeze 3000 - 3
The Throne of Lost Souls - 3
Cheek Muncher - 3
The Steve Ate It Memorial - 3
Kenworth Hauling Logs - 3
Unicornicopia - 3
Gambino & Sons' Lie Detector & Water-Boarding Device - 3
The Casbah - 3
Poolympus - 3
Turtle-head Lake - 3
The Oval Office - 3
Bob - 3
The Bakery - 3
Thunder Mug - 3
Turd Burgler - 3
Steve Dont Eat It! Factory / Steve, don't eat it! Disposal Unit - 2
The Super Bowl - 2
Unportable Potty - 2
Senor Burrito-Completo - 2
Deep Blue - 2
Big Bertha - 2
The Stoole Stool - 2
Amber Waves - 2
The Pensive - 2
H.R. Flushnstuff - 2
Dorothy - 2
The Librarian - 2
Deja Poo - 2
Thunderdome - 2
Flush Gordon - 2
El Poopoocabra - 2
The Pool - 2
Lou - 2
Fine Pickles - 2
Standard - 1
The Taming of the Poo - 1
Sneeze Bowl - 1
Toilet - 1
The Olympian - 1
The Brownie Bucket - 1
The Royal Flush - 1
Diablo Cody - 1
Le Chuck - 1
The Disemboweler - 1
The Crapper - 1
Auntie BM - 1
Squeeze and Please - 1
Mr. Hanky's House - 1
Your Mom - 1
Judge Fudge - 1
Senator - 1
Das Poop - 1
Shithammer From Valhalla - 1
Fort Clog - 1
Bran Mountain - 1
Roseanna - 1
The Stargate - 1
Cleaveland Steamer - 1
Princess Turdstool - 1
Bowel Bowl - 1
The Poo Lagoon - 1
Brown's Stadium - 1-
Frothy Minx - 1
The Face - 1
Cave Of Wonders - 1
Raisins - 1
Final Fantasy VII - 1
Porcelain Throne - 1
The Commodore - 1
Dookies Of Hazard - 1
Mr. Splashy Pants - 1
Dookie Monster - 1
Poop Master Flash - 1
Decadence - 1
The Fartess of Solidpoo - 1
The Log Cabin - 1
Paul - 1
Shitty Shitty Bang Bang - 1
George Bush - 1
Lake Shittykaka - 1
The Log Sort - 1
Home Of The Whopper - 1
Soylent Brown - 1
Sweet Repose - 1
Broken Hearted - 1
The Office - 1
The Poopinator - 1
Kraken - 1
So, ya think i got some numbers wrong, huh? You think im wrong on one HUH?!?!? Well, i probably am, but all i have to say is FUCK YOU!!!!!!
i would go with:
Their both full of shit, right?
Wait, you could just name it, "The Politician" because that would some it all up.
Mr. Gore, here's to global warming!
um there are about 3 votes here for "Unportable Potty". :D I laughed so hard, it is such a perfect name! ...or as I was just informed, drape a jolly roger over the back and call it the poop deck. Then you would feel like a captain when you shouted out that someone should swab it clean. :)
I also like shitoon... but unportable potty gets more votes.
Also, Steve, i'd like to thank you for making me completely desensitized to toilet jokes.
Thanks. (so much sarcasm, it's not even funny)
Still love the sneeze, though!
He deserves it after Attack of the Clones.
Ok, seriously, last post.
I just wanted to thank marguerite for laughing at my half-hearted attempt at humor.
And for everybody else, the competition's pretty much decided, with William Shatner in the lead.
I love William Shatner. Both as a person and as a toilet name. I would say my second favorite is Hurricane Latrina. Hilarious. But is it too soon?...
Schleichfahrt-(roughly translated, silent running in german)
or, you could always affectionately call it Shitface.
Ok, even though I still think The Shatner is the shit, the idea of calling it France just needs some credit. Brilliant. However, Shatner's shit will overpower the need to credit the French in the best way possible.
Is it sad that I've kept up with this post and I've read all the comments so far?
This has been the second greatest time I have ever spent considering filthy names for someone else's toilet.
I'm glad so many people liked my suggestion of "Assfrica"-- that song (Toto's 'Africa') has been in my head for a couple days now because of this, but that makes it all worthwhile.
i enjoy Princess Turdstool, and Professor Dumpledore
Okay, I know it's a bit down the list, but... Big Hungry Joe FTW. It's got such a "The Sneeze" ring to it.
All I have to say:
The American Dream.
Or maybe "Digg This!" (looking at the site, obviously)
First National Shit Bank
William Shatner: Captain's Log, yes!
Turd Ferguson I like, but he's no William Shatner.
I love shitoon! William shatner is also a great one.
Catcher of the Rye
Pried and Prejuiced
The Sound and the Fury
I didn't read all the posts so hopefully I'm not doubling ... and if I am then these are my votes for the other ones.
Gone With the Wind
Sink or Swim
the Perfect Storm
The Fondue Pot
For the gamers out there:
Call of Doody
Augustus Gloop (he loved chocolate!)
Or "The Gloop" if you wanna have a catchy informal name for it.
The B.M. Emmet Walsh-ing Machine
If I get fired for being on the web, please let it be while reading these!
I vote for Event Horizion.
I also like "dream catcher" for obvious reasons.