July 14, 2008
I'd like to start typing words here again. Hopefully there are still some people left who'd like to read them.
I wish I had a grand plan to come back with a big entertaining bang, but I don't. So I guess the plan is to just ease into it and see what happens.
But speaking of comebacks, I need to quickly tell you that one of my favorite things in the world is the combination of anger and lack of vocabulary that my 4-year-old currently possesses.
When he gets pissed he just doesn't have the words available to properly vent that steam. So what we're treated to are some of the greatest/worst comebacks I've ever heard.
Among the best, being the following exchange:
Me: C'mon, it's time to get dressed.
Him: YEAH?!! WELL, YOU'RE GONNA GET DRESSED FOREVER!
Good one. I really felt the burn there.
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Posted by Steven | Archive
The kid's right, you will HAVE to get dressed forever!
I'm currently working on plans to NOT have to get dressed forever. I will post my results.
Very glad to see you return.
How about another edition of "Steve, don't eat it!"
Glad to see you back. I was missing you hilarious posts. =D
I look foward to reading more Steve Don't Eat It!
Hey welcome back! It's a good thing I still have you on my rss list.....
I'm looking forward to your observations.
Welcome back! I also have a four year old lad with the same problem. It's funny stuff...
So glad to see you back! :)
YAY, STEVE'S BACK!
Regale us of your time away!
I was just going through the archives here yesterday and wondering if you'd ever be back! Good to see you typin' those words again.
I am soo glad that you are coming back!! My morning coffee time hasn't been the same without you!
It's a good thing for you there is RSS, I imagine most people are still around
It's great to have you back!
Thank god! I was going to have to start not eating it myself!
And there's nothing better than preschool rage.
Awesome . . . and, just after I sent you an email this very morning begging for your return. I'm overjoyed.
Wow, life is suddenly not so crappy.
OH. MY. GOD.
Just when I was on the verge of a deep depression, here comes Steve to save the day again!
Welcome back...we've missed you.
Yay! I check every day to see if you're back to posting :) Glad you're turning a corner, and you should watch that kid's mouth. BURN Dad-io! :) tee he he he he
Glad you're back....
The Penis Cake Family
Yay! We missed you, Steve.
One of the lamest insults I ever heard from a kid was from a friend's 10-year-old who said to me "Your face is the Olympics". I thought to myself "WTF?" then calmly replied, "Your face is the Special Olympics." Immature, I know, but funny.
Good to see you back. I recommend a "Steve, Don't Eat It!" to get back in to the swing of things.
Thank God you are back.
My nose has not had its regular coffee or soda bath in quite some time.
Good to have you where you once were, not gone, but hereish.
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Welcome back, Steve! We missed you!
Love your son's comeback there. One of my 5 year old's current favorite comebacks is "Jeeeezus Chriiiiist," said in a long, lazy drawl, complete with an eyeroll and sigh. And no, I have no idea where he got that from, why do you ask? Jeeeeezus Chriiiiist.
(I know, I'm in trouble when he starts kindergarten)
you're my favorite website!
Glad to have you back, Mr. Cotter.
Welcome back! Can't wait for the next Steve, Don't Eat That. I would even settle for a Global Schoolyard Rhymes post.
Dammit, jeadly beat me to it, so I just have to second the pickle motion!
Jesus Christ what a surprise! I've kept you in my feed reader awaiting the day when you'd return, and it was not for nothing. Also, it's clear I'm not the only one-- I'd say you have more than enough fans left.
I need to get a new feed reader or check the settings, because you JUST appeared there and you've got a half-hour's worth of comments already.
Anyway, glad you're back-- easing into it is the best way, or you'd never make it for chasing down the nonexistent perfect post.
I don't get why anyone in the house of Pickles would not just employ that old standby when searching for a curse word. Who wants to spend their time beating their head against the wall of failure trying to come up with something better?
Thank Jebus you're back! Your son is pwn. that's right. pwn.
Videos of misc. things being flushed down The Shatner. Duh!
YAY! Welcome back! My 4 year old made up swear words. My favorite is "deener-donner", usually hurled at his older sister, voice dripping with distaste.
Finally, the Sneeze RSS feed has produced something. Welcome back!
You've been missed.
Would love your take on:
"Where The Hell Is Matt"
It's the only thing I've seen on the web that's been worthwhile, since you took your break!
Maybe you could do a
"Where The Hell Was The Sneeze" thingy!
How about an update on the Tiki Sneeze Art Project? Because those tiki mugs are pretty bad-ass.
Seeing you back has made my day!
Welcome back! We're badly in need of a "Steve, Don't Eat It!" fix around here...
Dang that Dolores...
Great to have you back Steve!
The interweb just isn't the same without The Sneeze to pass the time!
Its the Tree Brains Comeback tour!! I've been wondering how I was going to fill the bacon wallet full of fat cash again, not to mention the babes.
Just like so many people here, I have been checking daily to see when you'll be back! Woo hoo!! Can't wait to have something to look forward to at the end of each day again!
That was a LOOOONG f-ing camping trip. My 4.5 yr old is currently "Never going to be my friend or anybody" (Until he wants some juice.)
Yay! Stevie's home, Stevie's home!
Steve, welcome back man. We will take whatever you dish up. I know before you went away you said you were'nt in the right head to do the site the way you wanted to. No big deal. Go ahead and break it in easy. Have fun with it and don't make it feel like work.
Looking forward to more...
I swear, just a couple days ago I was debating removing you from the RSS feed...
YAAAAAAY!!!! I can now look forward to checking my Homepage again (which is The Sneeze of course). Take your time and ease back in man, I can assure you that we're all just happy you're back!!!
Welcome back and take it easy. Your average musings are good enough.
I only have 1 thing to say:
thank Hoff you're back.
i love you.
YAY!!! STEVIE'S HOME!!! STEVIE'S HOME!!!!
welcome back to FOREVER!
It's your show man... do whatever you feel. Always entertaining.
Welcome back Steve! Cap the comeback by eating something horrible!
HELL YES, STEVE IS BACK! My checking the feed 3 times a day will no longer be in pathetic vain!
I can see the next great Star Wars movie:
The Return of the Steve!
*cue Star Wars theme song*
No, I am not obsessed with Star Wars. My second grade teacher made us watch the movies...
We missed you. Were you're fingers broken so you couldn't call? We were worried sick.
I predict this to be the best news all week,
and it's only Monday.
My dad was once laughing at my sister who then threw the worst insult she could think of at him. Unfortunately the most offensive thing she could think of was to call him a "rabbit with no ears", which obviously made my dad crack up, making her even angrier. It was a vicious cycle.
Glad to see you back. I'm happier than a man with a hat full of tits.
Welcome back. I missed you.
Nope, doesn't look like anyone's around to read the words you type.
In closing, YAY!
It's not quite booster seat jokes, but I think you have yourself another regular feature.
Welcome back, Steve. Missed you!
yyyeeesss!!!! you are back!! i have checked (almost) everyday to see if you had posted anything witty. your wit could possibly be my most favorite wit in the entire world. you are the wittiest man ALIVE!!! also, my six year old threatens to throw me in the trash can when i make him angry. i have also been told i would be sleeping outside if i made him clean his room. anyway...welcome back.
I like the part where you type and I laugh.
Welcome back! I was beginning to think those bears HAD eaten you after all.
good to see you're still alive!
Here's the conversation my 4 year old had with her 4 year old friend this morning - relayed to me by his mom.
Alexis: "I've been playing tennis for years. Like since, 1971.
Stephen: "That's impossible, Alexis."
Stephen: "Because tennis wasn't invented until 2001."
I checked this page every day to see if you posted anything...
Glad you're back!
My friend once told his younger brother "Shut Up, Pig," and received perhaps the most repeatable insult of all time: "You're a Shut Up Pig!"
After two and a half months, I realize how much I need the sneeze.
Missed you so much! Will keep checking back!
Glad to see you back! I love the Sneeze.
Awww...lookit all this love, Steve! You've been missed by LOTS of people!!!
We're here when you're ready, hun. Give your boy a squidge for me, k? Loves the little ones, yes I do. In a good way. :-)
Awwwwwwwwww the universe is back in balance ;) Yay!
WOOT Welcome Back Steve!
We MISSED YOU!
Wow, I seriously thought you were gone forever. Post anything, Steve; even your mediocre posts are hilarious.
It would appear that there is only a small handful of people waiting.
Glad you're back Steve. Now entertain me!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! I'm very happy to have more things to read while I'm supposed to be working. I missed this blog!
Go ahead and type. Type every one of those words here, and I'll read 'em.
yayyyy! glad you're back.
you know what's sad? your kid probably has better comebacks than i do. i suck at comebacks -_-;
Welcome back, man. You've been missed.
Do another Steve, Don't Eat It!!
Get something REALLY messed up.... like McDonalds.
YAY YOU'RE BACK!! :D
Haha and the kid's funny.
I saw an update in the RSS feed and I thought "Surely not..." Clicked an the sneeze has been updated. AMAZING
Good to know you're still alive
You have been missed. Welcome back to the internet. Keep on blogging.
Glad we won't have to go on the Tree Brains Tour 2008 without you! Yay!
Welcome back, write when you can!
I've had writer's impotence for about 8 months, so believe me Steve, I know the feeling...er..or lack thereof.
Thanks for beating me to the writer's viagra, dang.
Welcome back, Buddy, your kid is a comic gold mine.
In theory there is a raucous Tree Brains megajam being held in honor or your return
Even that little entry was enough to make for news at practice tonight (band, not juggling)
What a wonderful surprise to see a Sneeze entry on the RSS. Great to have you back. Just get back into it in your own time, buddy.
You've made my day!
Just when I discovered the wonderfulness that is The Sneeze you went away. I've been doling out your "Specials" and old posts little by little until you returned. Besides the obvious "Steve, Don't Eat It", my favorite has got to be "How to Draw a Face". Your dad seems so sweet.
Welcome back, Steve.
About friggin' time! Perhaps a twist on a favorite to celebrate the return, a "Steve, Don't Drink It". I'm thinking MD 20/20 or Thunderbird, (or maybe that dead snake wine the Vietnamese make). Comments written both while imbibing and the next morning. It would just write itself. And pictures - must have pictures.
Hooray!! Welcome back to the internets!
Soooo glad to see you are back! Yeah! Happy Day!
Welcome back Steve! Will look forward to reading anything you take the time to post, even if intermittent.
Some of my favorites have always been the funnies your boys produce (e.g. "Raisins for Christmas," "I thought I flushed those," "Jokes from the booster seat"). Given that your youngest is 4 already, may I suggest you and your wife produce another before the well of humor dries up?
A sneeze update
In my RSS reader
It's less common than you think.
All kidding aside
Welcome back in whatever capacity you can muster.
You have been missed
I can't quit you dude. Welcome back.
There have been MILLIONS of us checking your website daily. You're not rid of us.
Steve! Welcome back! I have been watching your site awaiting your return! Glad to see you getting back into the swing of things. We still love you!
YAY!! STEVE'S HOME!! lols
Glad to have you back! This story and some of the comments remind me of years ago when a friend of ours babysat for her neighbor's four year old, and the kid's newest word was "penis." He didn't know what it meant, but he knew it would get a reaction if he said it, so of course he said it as often as possible. Eventually that got boring, so he started combining "penis" with other words he knew. Among the most memorable combinations were "chicken penis" and "penis salad."
So glad to see you posting again! I was starting to worry about teh Steve!
Oh sweet mother of happy lovefesting Buddha!
I had almost stopped hoping...
FORGIVE ME STEVE!
YAAAYYY!! Has it really only been two months? It felt like an eternity! My sister and I are very glad you are on your way back.
I figured that I would comment because everybody else seemed to be doing it. I desperately want to be part of the "in" crowd.
Anywho: I'm just glad i wasnt wasting my time by not giving up on this site. And yeah, another Don't Eat It would be a great way to ease back into things.
Nothing is easier than shoving infested corn into your mouth, right?
You don't need a grand plan to come back, Steve! We welcome you with open arms and open, um...brains. You've already made me laugh today, so you can rest easy.
Steve!!! YOU'RE BACK!!!
I was checking the Sneeze daily whilst listening to "Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone" hoping you'd come back! I said a prayer to [insert particular god here] every night and day that you'd come back to us!
Glad to see you hackin' away at the old keyboard again good sir!
I watch my google reader every day for a new sneeze. we'll be waiting for the big comeback!
I don't think I've ever been so happy to see a website updated, even more than my own sites! There are few sites that make me actually laugh out loud, but yours gives me regular guffaws and banshee shrieks.
I'm also pretty sure my four year old said something almost identical to me just the other day.
Welcome back, Steve!
I've been checking back every day since you left. Glad to see some activity.
Hurray! Glad you're back Steve. ^_^
Never leave us again!
good to hear your back!
how about a new column - Steve DONT GET DRESSED!
It feels like I've been reborn! Thanks for making my Monday/ life better, Steve. Welcome back.
Stevie's home! Stevie's home!
YOU'RE BACK!!! 'BOUT BLOODY TIME MATE :D
good stuff !
I've missed you like a blind man misses golf balls. Welcome back to the blog-o-sphere.
Good to have you back man. I've missed your blogging.
welcome back...i've missed you!
Wow! I guess there ARE a few of us left! Thanks, Steve, your style of humor and particular insight is like manna from heaven. Hey how 'bout some ideas on what the heck was manna, anyway?
Love those 4 year olds.
Balance has been restored.
During the hiatus, "The Sneeze" widget never left my Google homepage.
I think it's time for all of us to get dressed FOREVER!
YAY!! I'm so glad you're back! You've been sorely missed.
and to think that just yesterday, i sneezed in rememberance [remembrance? whatever.] of you.
and now your back!! WOOO HOOOO!!!
we missed you sir!
if your readers were your mother
we'd be giving you a crapload of a guilt trip for not calling. or visiting. even if you couldnt do the sneeze.
hahaha, GLAD YOURE BACK!!!!!
YAY! Missed you, man. Hey, go eat something nasty. That'll get you back in the swing of things.
Yeah! You've been missed.
This is a lesson in quality -- and how the Internet means never having to say you're finished.
You have a genuine voice, people recognize it (and bookmark it), and they've missed it.
Oh... my... GOD!! I have checked this page EVERY SINGLE DAY hoping and praying for a new post. Today is my lucky day! Keep them coming - we'll be here to read them :)
Welcome back! Please eat something inedible and write about it.
I got so excited when I saw the words "coming back" on my google homepage.
Thank jeebus you're back. Dolores thinks you've stood her up. She's got some home cookin' waiting just for you.
i'm so glad you're back! I'm a new reader (I stumbledupon your site) and I was so disappointed when there weren't any new posts. I look forward to reading you again!
well, if it makes you feel any better, i czeched here every day since you left and was flabbergasted to see an update today. apparently the combination of blind devotion and ridiculous patience has paid off!
Welcome back Steve! Everytime I listen to Cloud Cult's new album I'm reminded of this great site. Waiting patiently for new posts.
I can't even explain how badly I missed you. Thank fuck you're back.
excellent comeback I think. both for you and him.
So freaking glad you're back!
Looks like there is still a little interest in what you have to say.
Welcome back, Steve!
And yeah, you totally got pwned. I mean, I think you did. I don't really know what that means.
Thank god you are back, I've been having to rely on my 5- and 3-year-old for entertainment!
Yaay! My RSS feeds are less boring! I STILL think Steve Don't Eat It is one of the best reads ever. More please.
Welcome back Steve!
I'm so glad you're not dead, honest!
I got so excited to see "The Sneeze" with a little (1) beside it in my feed reader.
And you are gonna get dressed forever.
Holy shit. Steve's back!
GET DRESSED FOREVER
Getting dressed forever doesn't sound so bad... as long as you get tot get naked in between dressings! Well welcome back Steve! Welcome back Steve! I only wish we were able to impart to you the level of enjoyment your site has provided your many fans!
You should have gotten the camera out and told him that you were moving to a nudist colony.
Glad to see you back!
You should show him... start walking around naked.
Glad you are back. I really did think you got eaten by bears.
I look forward to once again having to explain to everyone else in the office what the hell is so goddamn funny over there.
Wow!!! and I was just listening to Cloud Cult's newest album this afternoon, wondering if that spring camping trip did you in! Clouds and tornadoes and all...
Wow, welcome back. I was beginning to wonder.
Ahhhh, soooo glad to see you again! 'Not Eaten By Bears' on my RSS feed was depressing me on a daily basis.
I've been getting friends hooked on the sneeze in your absense.
See? You were missed.
I just noticed you've updated and holy crap comments everywhere.
Also, your son is just like my friend. The worst comebacks ever.
Sweet! Good to have you back Steve!
Welcome back, Steve! We missed ya.
STEVIE'S HOME, STEVIE'S HOME!!! YAY!!!
It's you, it's you, it's you! YEAH!!!!
Been a while, good to see you're still alive. ;)
You have been sorely missed. So glad to see you back, if only for a moment! Don't pressure yourself with a big entertaining bang - you already did it - the stories you share about your kids are priceless! Those are my favorite part of The Sneeze! WELCOME BACK!
thanks for coming back to you us.
we missed you!
Oh my GOD!!! I had almost given up hope.
Have been checking for you every day and you have definitely made my week!! Welcome back you weirdo.
Years ago, when my siblings and I were little pissants my sister told my brother that she was going to wear his sweatshirt, and there was nothing he could do about it.
His reply....Yeah? Well just wait till I get older and turn into a girl and wear all YOUR clothes and see how much you like it!!
So glad to see you back!!!!
I check your site still, every couple of days hoping you've come back. Your site has been pinned on my firefox tool bar, first place, for ages and I'm so glad that clicking the icon won't be in vain anymore.
Seriously, know you've been missed Steve.
You could easily post stuff about your 4 year old constantly and I'd still visit.
I've still checked daily since that last post in the beginning of May...glad to see it will be worth it again!
Holy schnikes! I must have had you on my mental RSS feed because tonight on a whim I decided to check your website for the first time in months!
I hope that life is done feeding you shit sandwiches. No pressure, but you were indeed missed.
It's like some kind of wonderful dream. Please don't get eaten by bears/get dressed forever/become otherwise unable to update for months again.
Oh my god... THE STEVE IS BACK!
Thrilled to see you back!
ALRIGHT!!! Let's get RIPPED!!!
This website is relevant to my interests.
Or possibly just my general amusement...
Glad to see it return within a week of fake steve jobs giving the game away. This is one of my favourites.
Howabout a "This is what Steve does to pay the bills" post? I know, not funny. But I'm curious whatcha been doin while you've been gone from The Sneeze!
Somehow, something just made me check this site out right now after not checking since the end of April. Nice telepathy, bigshot. Sheesh.
Anyway, glad to have you back! Hope everything / one is OK.
WELCOME BACK! of COURSE there are people who want to read your words! Seriously Steve, we missed you
Great to have you back!
Take your time, you only have to dress forever - you can do the blog without wearing yourself out... :)
Glad to see you back. During your absence, I have been turning people on to the sneeze...so hopefully you have some more faithful readers!
No pressure but, yeah, I'd say there are one or two or several hundred folks who would like to read your words.
*hugs Steve!!* Yay!! Glad to have you back! :) I've been checking every day since you've been gone.
Welcome back Steve. I'm glad to see you've made a triumphant return!
You encouraged me to have kids!
Well that's what I would say if I was even capable of conceiving.. and .. had children..
and all is right in the world, once again.
welcome back mr. sneeze.
Yay!! I was starting to thin you lied and you really WERE eated by bears!
Long time listener, first time caller...daily clicker onto your easy to access bookmark at the top of my browser page hoping that you would finally get back from camping...er........
Anyways....welcome back!!! ^_^
p.s. I hope I didn't raise your counter too much...
Don't turn your back on us again Steve. Unless you'd like to get dressed forever.
A tear fills my eye, seeing the update of my RSS feed... It's that good ole Sneezer updated again!!! WOOHOO welcome back
Nice, I feel fairly vocabulated and I still run into that problem myself lol. And its great to see you back, dont overdo it and burn yourself out.
Welcome back ... I have been checking the feed every day, and was kind of getting used to the 'not eaten by bears', the shock just now when I saw something else ... I was not prepared. :p
*does happy dance*
Not not eaten by bears. :)
Turns out it was worth checking the site every couple of days in the hope of new internets awesomeness. I really hope you've spent the last couple of months eating some really freaky stuff.
Huzzah! I'm SO glad to see you back, Steve!
Welcome back! I'm so very hap...
WAIT! I have to get this off my chest first...
I am very disappointed in my husband. He had the balls to wait till I woke up to tell me that there was a new post. WTF? Just when I thought I had him trained. ::head shake::
py that your back. I seriuosly felt very lost without my daily dose of the 'Sneeze'.
It really is Christmas in July! Let's get HAMMERED.
Woo Hoo!!! Welcome back!!!!
Woot for Steve! Can't wait for 'Steve Don't Eat It!'
My four-year-old grand-daughter was having a sugar induced fit in Target one day and I snapped at her to behave.
"I *am* have."
Welcome back, Steve! You were greatly missed, and oddly enough you were worried about. Now that you're back you better stick around for a while or you can just get dressed forever!
YAY!!! Steve's back! We missed ya buddy!
yay!!! welcome back!! you were greatly missed!!!
A new "Steve Don't Eat It!" would be a good way to jump back in. :) That aside, it's good to see you back. I was wondering if a delayed reaction to the tree brain mushroom you ate had done you in.
YES! I am SO GLAD you're coming back, even slowly.
You complete me! Let's never fight again.
whew! I thought you'd never come back. welcome back!
Hooray! It's nice to have you back! Best. Website. Ever.
Also, I think the comeback is absolutely perfect for a four year old. I mean, if he hates getting dressed, in his eyes, what would be a more perfect punishment for you than making you get dressed forever? I must say the stories involving your kids are probably one of my favorites!
Yay! Been checking everyday!
Glad I decided to scoot on over this morning- I've been waiting for your return with bated breath! Welcome back, good sir (insert humble bow here).
Your kid is, as always, hysterical. Though I may be opening myself up to some sort of lawsuit, I must admit that I made the "Raisins?!?!?" mp3 my ring tone on my phone. As such, you can rest easy at night knowing that your child scares the every-loving Sh*t out of me every morning when my alarm goes off. ;)
You we're well and thouroughly missed sir. High Fives all around for your return.
Woohoo. Missed you sooooo much.
Glad to have you back.
yay, you're back! i checked every day while you were gone, just hoping, hoping that you'd come back soon.
my 5 year old has the greatest knock-knock joke of all time.
insert anything here (apple, banana, spider, etc)
maybe fifty-one dollars! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
i know, it makes no sense whatsoever.
oh thank god. i've always had the sneeze as my homepage and after a few weeks it just served as a daily dose of depresssion.
take as much time as you need to get back into the swing of things, i'm sure i'm not the only one who would gladly accept anything you can offer.
HOLY SHATNER! YOU'RE BACK! WOOOOOOO!!!
I once called my mom a dildo (I meant to call her a dodo; and at that time I didn't realize my error nor did I know what a dildo was at that point in my lifetime), but now being much older and wiser, not only do I find it hilarious but I also understand why she completely freaked out on me (we were standing next to our car while we were camping). OOPS!
BTW... I am SOOOOOOOO glad you're back Steve!
Glad you're back! Just logged in on the off chance you were in the posting mood. :-)
WOW!!! everyday for two and a half months i checked back just to make sure i wasnt missing anything and i almost Xed out of windows sheerly out of habit but i get a post YEAH!!!! welcome back steve!
Really glad to have you back Steve!
My nephew was mad a t me for some reason and I looked at him and said, "I love you Jeremy." He turned and gave me the meanest look capable of a 6 year old and said, "No, I don't wanna love you!" Kids are funny!
So glad you're back. My boyfriend has been crying about not having The Sneeze in his life.... I've been crying too!
Good to see you coming back, Steve!
Unfortunately, my burns aren't much better/worse than your kid's, although I think they do throw people off enough that they either think I'm retarded or brilliant or speaking in code. My come back would probably have been "yeah, well your face is getting dressed! BURRRRRRRN!!!" Because you have to tell someone you're burning them to, you know, increase the burn.
YES!!!!! My lunch breaks have been too boring the last couple of months...
Steve - you are "the man".
Welcome back. Now the Tree Brains have its original lineup back in place.
I was about to kick you out of The Tree Brains... theoretically. Welcome back!
Dammit Steve! you were gone so long I had to start my own blog to entertain myself with...its not going good...
Hi Steve - I hope you and your family are well. This is suppose to be fun. No pressure.
Even reading the comments made by other people who think you are funny, is funny. You have amassed a like minded community. God help us...
Good thing, or else the Tree Brains would have imploded by in-fighting, depression and drug abuse at the first sign of trouble.
Be well. Clearly we are not going anywhere. It just isn't as much fun without our fearless leader. And for Gods sake, put some pants on... FOREVER!
Yay! So glad to see you're back!
Welcome back! I've checked about once a week to see if you've returned. It's great to not leave all bummed out for once. :-)
Great to see you again, Steve!
glad you're back, brother!
I think "Getting Dressed Forever" should be the Tree Brains first single...
Kids observations and comebacks are great. i have a mole next to my nose. when i told my 5-year old son he was going to have a nose like mine he said "No!" I said, "yes. i'm afraid so." he asked with concern "my nose will have a nipple on it?"
glad to see your return, steve.
gotta run. my nose is lactating.
I checked your site every day, loyally, always clicking on the my firefox bookmarks toolbar, and I'm finally rewarded! (I don't use a RSS Reader) Finally, more sneezy goodness! Big WB!
Woah!! Forever is a long time to be getting dressed... you better heed his warning.
So incredibly glad you're back, STEVE!!!
Welcome Back! I must say that I checked every day for a new post; mainly because I'm a retard that doesn't know how an RSS feed works. (Which is kinda scary being that I'm in IT).
I was starting to think you'd abandoned the Tree Brains FOREVER. apparently you were just busy getting dressed. welcome back.
Hooray! You're back! I don't what this "RSS" is that the kids keep talking about, but I typed in "thesneeze.com" every other day since May hoping you'd come back and my prayers were answered. I hope seeing how many people enjoy visiting with you via your page inspires you to stick around.
hooray!!! weird saying "welcome back" when it's your site - but I know alot of people have been checking it every day ( me included )...
now - GO GET DRESSED!
Been checking my bookmark of your site ever since May, more recently a bit more wistfully. Brings a tear to mah ah to see you back.
Welcome back! I was so excited when this popped up in my feedreader this afternoon.
Don't worry about a grand comeback; just write whatever the hell you want and it will probably be hilarious.
HEY!!! Welcome back to the land of zombies- we have been staring at our empty computer screens waiting for something good to sink our teeth in to (whispering braaains... Tree BRAAAAINS...) for the last couple of months and you you have returned!! I don't have the RSS feed but I HAVE been checking your site every day just in case. I and my fellow brain eaters have missed you, Pickles!
Welcome back. I've had to travel about twenty blogs to get the same dose of witty goodness that is The Sneeze. It's like they're regular bran flakes, and you're Super Colon Blow.
I kinda liked the "Not eaten by bears" message, it made your extended absence not seem so permanent. I look forward to more SDEI and a nice Tree Brains 2008.
Welcome back dude, we all missed you!
Yessss. Steve/Sneeze is back *FOREVER*!
Great to have you coming back. I need another steve dont eat that. It has been far too long.
We're a pretty easy to entertain group, I think, so don't stress too much about how to impress us. It's just good to see you back here. I hope you enjoy it as much as us!
I started sucking my thumb again when you left us.
NEVER LEAVE AGAIN!
Funny, that's the same argument I use whenever I'm told to do anything.
Welcome back, Steve - you have been missed!
WELCOME BACK!!!! I miss the witty humor I use to find on this site!!
YAY!!! Steve is back. God bless feed subscriptions.
Awesome!! Thank God your back!!
You're going to keep updating this site, FOREVER!
AHH YOU'RE BACK! Checking this site every bloody day has finally paid off with what can only be described as the most awesome comeback ever uttered. Welcome back:D
YAY!! Welcome back. I thought I was going to have to read all or archives again... thank god from some fresh sneeze
Whoa... I was gonna start watching tv again...I thought the whole internet "craze" was over. Even got a Pickles Maternity shirt ready!
OMG OMG STEVE I CAN'T SURVIVE WITHOUT YOU I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE OHHHH LAWDY JESUS
(But seriously, no pressure. Welcome back.)
My four year old says he only gets dressed because "the old people at church can't handle my kind of necked."
I have no idea what that means.
Good to see you back. I was wondering where you went.
Great to see you back, Steve!
YAY! Glad to see you're back again!
I've missed you! Welcome back!
Thank GOD you are back! Hope all is well.
Oh thank ZOD.
Now I can stop checking the bear poop for shreds of evidence.
So glad you're back even though I didn't know you were gone. Someone just turned me on to this website and I was crying with laughter about "Steve don't eat it". My husband is also Steve and wants a Steve don't eat it t-shirt really badly. You could make some bank!!! And please find some more disgusting food to sample soon. Maybe you could try replicating the recipes from Lilek's Gallery of Regrettable Food. You could chronicle it like the lady who made it her mission to cook all of the recipes in that Julia Child cookbook, Mastering the Art of French Cooking. Whatever you choose to try next, me and all my friends will be logging on to check it out.
i never comment but ALWAYS read, and hearing you're back has inspired me to comment in support of the return. keep going!
Reading that just warmed my heart more than Christmas, hot choclate, and every Pixar film ever could. Welcome back. You've been trully missed.
i have missed you so very very very much.
you make me laugh really really really a lot.
i have missed you so very very very much.
you make me laugh really really really a lot.
Oh.my.gosh! I can't tell you how happy I am that you are posting again. You just kinda made my day. :) You write it, and I'll read it.
I thought we were going to have to simply IMAGINE this year's tree brain .... how nice to know the official fungal chronicler has returned to us!!!
Hal E. Looya!
Glad you're back, Steve. Everyone missed you. Except that one guy in the corner over there. But only because he's totally trying to figure out why the Swedish meatballs are so good here.
THRILLED beyond measure that you're back!
REVLIEVED that I'm not the only one checking your site daily and feeling a stab of sadness and worry at the absence of a new post. (And, I swear -- I'm the exact opposite of a no-life loser!)
OVERJOYED to report your comeback to my nine-year-old, who reads all of your PG-13 posts, and listens to the friskier ones that I edit while reading to him. His response: "SWEEEEEET!"
Let's hear it for the best writer on the web! Rock on, Steve!
Hooray!!! SO glad you're back! We've missed you!
yay! i couldn't take one more day of eating bizarre foodstuffs for my own amusement.
i have missed you so, stevie! you are loved. i almost didn't check your site today for fear that i would face the painful truth that you hadn't posted still. i am so happy!!!!!!
I was waiting for so long.
I was going to give up on you if you didn't post by the end of July.
I checked your page twice a day.
And the one day i DIDN'T check...
YOU CAME BACK! *glomp*
So glad you are finally back. Take your time and ease into it - we don't want to feel like the hilarity is forced. We know you won't dissappoint!! Welcome back old friend.
These words, these are not displeasing to me. You may continue.
Welcome back! Looking forward to more greatness.
Welcome back! If you didn't get my email, be sure to check out my sneezing penguin humidifier http://www.flickr.com/photos/mrboma/2636386013/
Also, my wife and I are getting a new toilet and naming it "Pooh Corner."
Steve, I've been lurking at the Sneeze for probably a couple years now, but never once commented. Like the other 34509847 people who posted before me, I've checked nearly every day for an update.
In my excitement of seeing your update, I can't help but post a comment. Welcome back.
Thought I'd also share a little story about my younger brother when we were just wee ones. We watched TV a lot, and I specifically remember this one commercial... for douches. It would be some voice-over asking women "Why Douche?", and they would give a response like "Sometimes, I just feel like I need to". The question would be asked a few times with different responses, effectively burning it into my young brother's impressionable mind. He had no idea what it meant (Neither did I back then), but when he started repeating it, for some reason, people laughed uncontrollably. So naturally, "Why Douche?" became his favorite phrase for a while.
I know, not a comeback story, but I still think it's pretty funny.
Having nothing better than the comment immediately preceding me, I'll merely say that you've been missed, and my world is a little happier now that you're back.
Maybe what he meant was "you've been MIA forever!" Dude, I am PUMPED you're back ... no pressure, no pressure. Maybe you can get back in the swing of things and eat somethin nasty
I was pretty sure that after Steve's Hiatus he would have shaken off some of his fanbase. But, if anything, it seems to have grown.
That's pretty remarkable.
Holy crap it feels like forever. Now I know where that gaping void in my life came from...
Good to have you back Steve. Don't worry about making a huge comeback, the fact that you came back at all is enough!
Great to see you are back, Steve. I greatly missed your humor!
and damn that was funny.
STEVE!! I was checking here about every day for updates- I'm so happy to see you're back! And your awesome kids!!
Quelle concidence! I was typing my facebook status to be "Joyce is wondering what ever happened to The Sneeze", but decided to check your site one last time to be sure. And there it was, the comeback... Hallelujah!
Dude, I missed you more than i missed my dog. And that is a lot.
It's good to have you back.
Welcome back. Good to read your posts again.
That' was awesome! You ARE back...and I hope you are dressed.
The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the fog has lifted. Welcome back!
yessss!!! welcome back! the internet was not the same place without you.
well, forever is SERIOUS business.
I'm so glad you've returned! I have checked your site ever few days since you went away, and even checked the blowjob hobo site occasionally just in case something was happening there.
We've really missed you.
Welcome back Steve, we've all missed you and have been waiting patiently!
I had a really shit day and hoped and hoped that there'd be a sneeze post and there was!
welcome back and thanks :D
Just eat something. You'll feel better.
Great post - welcome back, Steve!!!
Mad props for coming back on Bastille Day - do you think your kid is a budding French Revolutionary? Watch out for guillotines, buddy...
Man, I thought you really WERE eaten by bears. You just lost me a bunch of money, like 5 dollarbucks. I'd come down to only checking the site maybe 3 days a week. Faith degradation. I died a little each time.
I'm a newcomer to the sneeze. I just took about two weeks or so to read every single post from start to finish. The site is my favorite, and is defintiely getting my psyched for my kid who's on the way.
What's funny is that the day I finished all the posts, you came back. I feel somewhat responsible. Go me :). But I'm glad the site's not done.
That was one heck of a trip to the Shatner. Welcome back.
Steve! When I saw that you were back I practically did a victory dance. Glad to have you back!!!
Sweet! Ive been hitting refresh for the last 60 days! Finally a new post! Welcome back!
It's great that you're feeilng good about doing the site again!
I thought the bear posted a lie about you not being eaten...
Welcome back. I haven't been able to look at fungus without thinking of you.
I have a 4 yr old daugther who has TOO much vocabulary. I don't know who has it worse.
My favorite is, "BORING" as the all purpose expression for, "I don't want to Do or Listen to anything that your face is saying, and let me add a FU to that".
I have a humorous Steve story for anyone that might read this... so a few years back I stumbled across The Sneeze and thought it was funny as hell, etc. and just for the hell of it I very quickly whipped up a Sneeze style header of a crescent moon sneezing out a bunch of stars... it wasn't the best thing ever... but it didn't totally suck (or did it?) Anyway Steve e-mails me back and says thanks... I e-mail him back and explain that he can just put it into rotation if he cared to and his final response was "Ummm the header thing is complicated..." I thought it was funny because he was trying to let me down easy in the most tactful way possible... still find it funny to this day. Keep on keeping on Steve.
Yay! I'm so glad you're back Steve!!
my life has meaning again!
Yay! I'm glad to see you're back. I was getting worried that your Wife/Dog/Son(s)/Blowjo B. Hobo Figurine/etc. murdered you and ran off, but now my fears have been allayed.
I look forward to more,
YAY!! you're back.... lets celebrate with you eating something gross!
I thing John Sebastian said it best in his moving theme song for that gritty, hard hitting 1970's docu-drama "Welcome Back Kotter".............
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back....
I just wanted to take part in the overwhelming. You rock Steve! My days have not been the same without the Sneeze.
Steve... glad you're back. Hope all is OK with you and yours. You make my day... really!
Welcome back Steve!!! My wife did cartwheels. Then my cat threw up, but I don't think that's related to you. I'm fairly okay with it, too.
We missed you!
Yay! Yay! Yaaaaaaaaaaaayyy! Thanks for coming back, Famous Man!
Your Faithful Weirdoes have been waiting in slobbering anticipation for your return!
My 11-year-old and I are both STOKED that you are back. We have been sitting here reading not only your new posts, but all the comments as well. Had we been drinking a beverage, I am sure liquid would have spewed out of our nostrils several times already. My 5-year-old son is particularly fond of the NEVER come-back (as opposed to FOREVER). eg:
Me: It's time to stop playing with the WII and get ready for bed.
Him: NOOO! If you make me go to bed, I'm **NEVER** going to play the WII AGAIN!!!
(If we ever got the two of them together for a play date they might get stuck in some kind of endless loop).
So glad you're back! I've always loved your quality writing.
I always like the kid posts because I have kids roughly your kids ages .... 7 and 3.5.... We added one more who is 8 months old, so please have another kid so we're in sync still.
Welcome back Steve. We missed you.
Stevie's home!! Stevie's home!!!
Glad to see your back. We missed you!!!
That is "your" not "you're". :)
thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so happy my favorite blog is back! :-D
I'm not so sure we'd be as glad to see your back as we are to see you're back. But if that is the turn you want to take with this site..... it's totally your call.
I am SO glad you are back. It's been too long, my friend.
PS- At least he didn't say pickles to you... that would have been the ultimate diss.
Glad to see something other than "Not Eaten By Bears" for once! It would appear a lot of people missed you! Welcome back, I will be checking bak here more often now. :)
Glad to have you back, Steve. Your blog kept me going during some rough times. You went on hiatus just as I was making a big change in my life. I'm glad that your "resurrection" has corresponded with me starting to turn things around!
i just came. (and not in a creepy way. your posts just make me THAT happy.)
Yay! The man, the legend is back!
I hope my kids are as awesome as yours if ever I have the misfortune of having them.
And huzzah, you're back. :p
I'm so glad to read that you'll be coming back! Your blog has always been one of my absolute favorites, so glad to see you back in town, sir.
STEVE'S BACK!!!! Whoooooooooooo!! The sparkly magical world of things you really shouldn't be eating is buzzing with glee!!!
I've now reconsidered becoming illiterate.
"Make it sparkle!"
I was just getting so worried. It is almost august and I think I might have to curl into a fetal position and suck my thumb for the whole month if I had to miss the annual growing of the tree brain!
This from my 2 yr, 11 month old grandson.
"There a monster in my nose. Now a monster on my pinger (finger). See da monster Gram?"
You were missed ... glad you are back.
Welcome Welcome once again.
YAY! STEVIE'S BACK!
Honestly though, I'm thrilled that you're back online and can't wait to read new stuff! Good to see you back online.
welcome back! i always look forward to reading your posts.
Good to see the words you are typing again.
I hope you type...FOREVER!!!
Woot! Welcome back, Steve. I have missed this website like crazy.
We've been getting the bulgy eyed growl from the 5 yr old..and once, in Wal-Mart a series of exaperated "Shoot, shoot, shooooot!"s.
So maybe I'm a bit late on the uptake here. But I had almost give up hope on checking on your RSS feed.
BUT YOU'RE BACK ZOMG
YES! I win, you totally came back 3 days before me sucker!
I totally agree, welcome back!! Definitely ease into another Steve, Don't Eat It! adventure. When I need a good laugh/cry, I read a few of those. Always the cuitlacoche one. It gets me every single time. :D
Woohoo, welcome back Steve! :)
Not gonna lie. I checked the site every day while you were gone. I missed you, man.
I thought the absence was a "Steve Don't Eat It" gone horribly awry. I'm so glad you're back.
woah! thesneeze.com is on my yahoo homepage and i check it CONSTANTLY, looking for you . this literally made my night. the intranet stinks without you Steve!
Yay -- you're back. And I thought you were dumping me. Just-like-all-those-other-men.....
Seriously, glad to have you back!
I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK! Whenever I'm having a bad day, I read The Sneeze. Cheers me up every time! :)
YES! The internet is fun again. Forget that RSS mammajamma, I checked the site (almost) everyday. Welcome back!
I, too checked the sight on a regular basis waiting for your return. Welcom back!
So glad you are back. I was afraid you ate the bears. I knew they wouldn't eat you, at least not without a bit o bbq sauce!
His drool... it's still warm... he's alive!!!!!!!
Glad you're back. I had to add 6 (count 'em, six) new blogs to my life to make up for the not havin' the sneeze, and it still wasn't quite right.
you are coming back? well i'm going to have to read you forever!
Feel that burn? I'm almost 10x your son's age and that's teh best I could do.
So glad to have you on the internet tubes again.
we missed you at theoretical band practice, steve.
You're back!! You're really, really back!!! I was starting to think the bears really HAD eaten you, and had snuck into your site to fake the message as they made their escape.
Really missed you, Steve! Take your time, write as you like - we'll all be here for you.
YAY you're BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot be more eloquent. Sorry. I just missed ya.
Now get busy eatin' stuff.
If I have to get dressed forever, I'm gonna invest in a kinkier range of clothes, starting right now.
Silk underwear at the very least beneath my business suits.
Welcome back, Steve.
Dude, I pray that God makes your every hardship melt away, so you can be here always to entertain me. In a Princess Leia as Jabba's slave outfit.
So happy to see you back!
Steve makes my insides stand up and salute the appreciation of humor made by you. Dressed or not - glad to see you typing again!
Wow, late entry but nice to see you're back, welcome back to the creepy internet community dude!!
For a second, I thought you really HAD been eaten by bears. Whew!
Unless this post was written by a Steve-impersonating bear...
YAY! You're back.
You know what I think would make a great come-back?
Another exciting episode of Steve, Don't eat it!
Good to see ya! I was worried you'd quit the .. whattocallit.. sneeze thing? although that just sounds like you've given up on a subconcious reaction and thats just rediculous.. ramble ramble ramble chicken ramble ramble
ooh looks like you're gonna need some aloe vera for that BURRRRNNNN
Welcome back Steve! Im so excited to see the page coming back to life! I love your site. Hope alls well!
although i'm not a devoted follower of the sneeze...er, once a month i do remember i subscribed to the rss feed. i'm so glad i remembered this month!!! i look forward to the laughter you will bring me (no pressure)!
Whoooooo! I'm so excited!
Hurray! My weekly check of the site finally paid off (must learn about RSS)!
Welcome back Steve!
Your return has made lots of peoples happy.
good to see you've surfaced, steve.
i know this is the 418th comment on here and you probably won't read this or get to it, but i'm really glad you're back. i've been hoping things are going well.
i would TOTALLY read all and any posts you put up. i love the ones about your kids. i have a 14 month old son and can only hope he's as hilarious as yours.
Aha! My constant checking of your site in the hope that you'd return has paid off. As you can see from all the comments, you have been missed by many.
Welcome back Steve! I missed you something fierce.
Whoooo Stevie's home! *gives steve a big welcome back hug*
Watch what your kid sez steve, one day he's gonna burn you so bad you'll leave again (do it and die) due to medical purposes and leave countless fans to waste away.
But no pressure!
STEVE'S HOME! STEVE'S HOME!
PICKLES FOR EVERYONE!
Steve, I will totally ship you this lovely spiced octopus in tomato sauce for your chewing pleasure. It's from Spain and features an easy open tin.
Thats a normal type of comeback for me.
Your son rocks!!