July 14, 2008

Coming Back

I'd like to start typing words here again. Hopefully there are still some people left who'd like to read them.

I wish I had a grand plan to come back with a big entertaining bang, but I don't. So I guess the plan is to just ease into it and see what happens.

But speaking of comebacks, I need to quickly tell you that one of my favorite things in the world is the combination of anger and lack of vocabulary that my 4-year-old currently possesses.

When he gets pissed he just doesn't have the words available to properly vent that steam. So what we're treated to are some of the greatest/worst comebacks I've ever heard.

Among the best, being the following exchange:

Me: C'mon, it's time to get dressed.


Good one. I really felt the burn there.

(The comment board is now closed. Thanks, guys.)

Click here for The Sneeze Home Page!
Posted by Steven | Archive

Welcome Back!

The kid's right, you will HAVE to get dressed forever!

Posted by: Zem at July 14, 2008 10:30 AM


Posted by: rachelrob at July 14, 2008 10:31 AM

I'm currently working on plans to NOT have to get dressed forever. I will post my results.

Posted by: Lucifersam at July 14, 2008 10:32 AM

Very glad to see you return.

Posted by: Christine at July 14, 2008 10:34 AM

Welcome back!

How about another edition of "Steve, don't eat it!"

Posted by: Joe at July 14, 2008 10:35 AM

Glad to see you back. I was missing you hilarious posts. =D

Posted by: Fernando Takai at July 14, 2008 10:36 AM

I look foward to reading more Steve Don't Eat It!

Posted by: robotsRcool at July 14, 2008 10:39 AM

Hey welcome back! It's a good thing I still have you on my rss list.....

I'm looking forward to your observations.

Posted by: Cartman at July 14, 2008 10:40 AM

Welcome back! I also have a four year old lad with the same problem. It's funny stuff...

Posted by: Pickles the Clown at July 14, 2008 10:41 AM

So glad to see you back! :)

Posted by: Sarah at July 14, 2008 10:42 AM


Regale us of your time away!

Posted by: Matt Algren at July 14, 2008 10:43 AM

I was just going through the archives here yesterday and wondering if you'd ever be back! Good to see you typin' those words again.

Posted by: Dan Bruno at July 14, 2008 10:44 AM

I am soo glad that you are coming back!! My morning coffee time hasn't been the same without you!

Posted by: Kris at July 14, 2008 10:44 AM

It's a good thing for you there is RSS, I imagine most people are still around

Posted by: Dan at July 14, 2008 10:45 AM


Posted by: Jason at July 14, 2008 10:45 AM

It's great to have you back!

Posted by: Bombadil at July 14, 2008 10:45 AM

Thank god! I was going to have to start not eating it myself!

And there's nothing better than preschool rage.

Posted by: Ethan at July 14, 2008 10:46 AM

Awesome . . . and, just after I sent you an email this very morning begging for your return. I'm overjoyed.

Posted by: Ryan at July 14, 2008 10:48 AM

Wow, life is suddenly not so crappy.

Posted by: will betheboy at July 14, 2008 10:48 AM

Just when I was on the verge of a deep depression, here comes Steve to save the day again!

Welcome back...we've missed you.

Posted by: Paul James at July 14, 2008 10:48 AM

Yay! I check every day to see if you're back to posting :) Glad you're turning a corner, and you should watch that kid's mouth. BURN Dad-io! :) tee he he he he

Glad you're back....
The Penis Cake Family

Posted by: HappyCampers at July 14, 2008 10:51 AM

Yay! We missed you, Steve.

One of the lamest insults I ever heard from a kid was from a friend's 10-year-old who said to me "Your face is the Olympics". I thought to myself "WTF?" then calmly replied, "Your face is the Special Olympics." Immature, I know, but funny.


Posted by: Lefty Rodriguez at July 14, 2008 10:51 AM

Welcome back, Steve!

Posted by: Robert at July 14, 2008 10:51 AM

Good to see you back. I recommend a "Steve, Don't Eat It!" to get back in to the swing of things.

Posted by: Josh at July 14, 2008 10:53 AM

Thank God you are back.

My nose has not had its regular coffee or soda bath in quite some time.

Posted by: goober at July 14, 2008 10:57 AM

Good to have you where you once were, not gone, but hereish.

Posted by: jbd at July 14, 2008 10:58 AM

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Welcome back, Steve! We missed you!

Love your son's comeback there. One of my 5 year old's current favorite comebacks is "Jeeeezus Chriiiiist," said in a long, lazy drawl, complete with an eyeroll and sigh. And no, I have no idea where he got that from, why do you ask? Jeeeeezus Chriiiiist.

(I know, I'm in trouble when he starts kindergarten)

Posted by: gabrielle at July 14, 2008 11:00 AM

you're my favorite website!

Posted by: Emily at July 14, 2008 11:00 AM

Welcome back, PICKLES.

Posted by: jeadly at July 14, 2008 11:02 AM

Glad to have you back, Mr. Cotter.

Posted by: liquidslinkee at July 14, 2008 11:03 AM

Welcome back! Can't wait for the next Steve, Don't Eat That. I would even settle for a Global Schoolyard Rhymes post.

Posted by: Marcela at July 14, 2008 11:04 AM

Welcome back.

Posted by: lesley graham at July 14, 2008 11:04 AM

Dammit, jeadly beat me to it, so I just have to second the pickle motion!

Posted by: Nezrite at July 14, 2008 11:06 AM

Jesus Christ what a surprise! I've kept you in my feed reader awaiting the day when you'd return, and it was not for nothing. Also, it's clear I'm not the only one-- I'd say you have more than enough fans left.

I need to get a new feed reader or check the settings, because you JUST appeared there and you've got a half-hour's worth of comments already.

Anyway, glad you're back-- easing into it is the best way, or you'd never make it for chasing down the nonexistent perfect post.

I don't get why anyone in the house of Pickles would not just employ that old standby when searching for a curse word. Who wants to spend their time beating their head against the wall of failure trying to come up with something better?

Posted by: LiteralDan at July 14, 2008 11:08 AM

Welcome back, Steve!

Posted by: Bodona at July 14, 2008 11:12 AM

Thank Jebus you're back! Your son is pwn. that's right. pwn.

Posted by: Ruben at July 14, 2008 11:17 AM

Videos of misc. things being flushed down The Shatner. Duh!

Posted by: Ferrisfan at July 14, 2008 11:17 AM

YAY! Welcome back! My 4 year old made up swear words. My favorite is "deener-donner", usually hurled at his older sister, voice dripping with distaste.

Posted by: Lori at July 14, 2008 11:18 AM

Finally, the Sneeze RSS feed has produced something. Welcome back!

Posted by: Feenix at July 14, 2008 11:27 AM

Welcome Back.
You've been missed.

Would love your take on:
"Where The Hell Is Matt"

It's the only thing I've seen on the web that's been worthwhile, since you took your break!
Maybe you could do a
"Where The Hell Was The Sneeze" thingy!

Posted by: Thom at July 14, 2008 11:28 AM

Yay!!!! hehehehehehe.....

Posted by: Snowfire at July 14, 2008 11:29 AM

How about an update on the Tiki Sneeze Art Project? Because those tiki mugs are pretty bad-ass.

Posted by: CortJstr at July 14, 2008 11:33 AM

Seeing you back has made my day!

Posted by: KCP at July 14, 2008 11:35 AM

Welcome back! We're badly in need of a "Steve, Don't Eat It!" fix around here...

Dang that Dolores...

Posted by: Rob O. at July 14, 2008 11:38 AM

Great to have you back Steve!
The interweb just isn't the same without The Sneeze to pass the time!

Posted by: Kami at July 14, 2008 11:38 AM

Its the Tree Brains Comeback tour!! I've been wondering how I was going to fill the bacon wallet full of fat cash again, not to mention the babes.

Posted by: barf at July 14, 2008 11:41 AM

Just like so many people here, I have been checking daily to see when you'll be back! Woo hoo!! Can't wait to have something to look forward to at the end of each day again!

Posted by: Anna at July 14, 2008 11:41 AM

That was a LOOOONG f-ing camping trip. My 4.5 yr old is currently "Never going to be my friend or anybody" (Until he wants some juice.)

Posted by: tres at July 14, 2008 11:42 AM

Yay! Stevie's home, Stevie's home!

Posted by: Kathleen at July 14, 2008 11:43 AM

Steve, welcome back man. We will take whatever you dish up. I know before you went away you said you were'nt in the right head to do the site the way you wanted to. No big deal. Go ahead and break it in easy. Have fun with it and don't make it feel like work.

Looking forward to more...

Posted by: Todd at July 14, 2008 11:44 AM

I swear, just a couple days ago I was debating removing you from the RSS feed...

Posted by: Paul at July 14, 2008 11:45 AM

YAAAAAAY!!!! I can now look forward to checking my Homepage again (which is The Sneeze of course). Take your time and ease back in man, I can assure you that we're all just happy you're back!!!

Posted by: Rob at July 14, 2008 11:48 AM

Welcome back and take it easy. Your average musings are good enough.

Posted by: Valentijn at July 14, 2008 11:49 AM

Yay! Uncle Steve's back!

Posted by: jeffrey at July 14, 2008 11:51 AM

Sweeeeet! welcome back.

Posted by: PenRob at July 14, 2008 11:51 AM

I only have 1 thing to say:


Posted by: qt314159265 at July 14, 2008 11:52 AM

thank Hoff you're back.
i love you.

Posted by: Priest at July 14, 2008 11:54 AM


welcome back to FOREVER!

Posted by: mojito libre at July 14, 2008 11:54 AM

It's your show man... do whatever you feel. Always entertaining.

Posted by: Kny at July 14, 2008 11:59 AM

Welcome back Steve! Cap the comeback by eating something horrible!

Posted by: Jeremy at July 14, 2008 12:00 PM

HELL YES, STEVE IS BACK! My checking the feed 3 times a day will no longer be in pathetic vain!

Posted by: kefanii at July 14, 2008 12:03 PM

YAY more Sneeze!

Posted by: accismus at July 14, 2008 12:04 PM

I can see the next great Star Wars movie:

The Return of the Steve!

*cue Star Wars theme song*

No, I am not obsessed with Star Wars. My second grade teacher made us watch the movies...

Posted by: Johanna! at July 14, 2008 12:05 PM

We missed you. Were you're fingers broken so you couldn't call? We were worried sick.

Posted by: Bren at July 14, 2008 12:05 PM

I predict this to be the best news all week,
and it's only Monday.

Posted by: Stout at July 14, 2008 12:08 PM

My dad was once laughing at my sister who then threw the worst insult she could think of at him. Unfortunately the most offensive thing she could think of was to call him a "rabbit with no ears", which obviously made my dad crack up, making her even angrier. It was a vicious cycle.

Glad to see you back. I'm happier than a man with a hat full of tits.

Posted by: Beth at July 14, 2008 12:09 PM

Welcome back. I missed you.

Posted by: John at July 14, 2008 12:10 PM

Nope, doesn't look like anyone's around to read the words you type.

In closing, YAY!

Posted by: Hillary at July 14, 2008 12:14 PM

It's not quite booster seat jokes, but I think you have yourself another regular feature.

Posted by: Sally at July 14, 2008 12:18 PM

Welcome back, Steve. Missed you!

Posted by: Rachael at July 14, 2008 12:25 PM

Welcome back!

Posted by: Jason at July 14, 2008 12:26 PM

yyyeeesss!!!! you are back!! i have checked (almost) everyday to see if you had posted anything witty. your wit could possibly be my most favorite wit in the entire world. you are the wittiest man ALIVE!!! also, my six year old threatens to throw me in the trash can when i make him angry. i have also been told i would be sleeping outside if i made him clean his room. anyway...welcome back.

Posted by: rebecca at July 14, 2008 12:26 PM


Posted by: LuOnABike at July 14, 2008 12:26 PM

I like the part where you type and I laugh.

Welcome back.

Posted by: Ky at July 14, 2008 12:26 PM

Welcome back! I was beginning to think those bears HAD eaten you after all.

Posted by: Kris at July 14, 2008 12:27 PM

good to see you're still alive!

Here's the conversation my 4 year old had with her 4 year old friend this morning - relayed to me by his mom.

Alexis: "I've been playing tennis for years. Like since, 1971.
Stephen: "That's impossible, Alexis."
Alexis: "Why?"
Stephen: "Because tennis wasn't invented until 2001."

Posted by: Matt at July 14, 2008 12:29 PM

I checked this page every day to see if you posted anything...
Glad you're back!

Posted by: maria at July 14, 2008 12:30 PM

Welcome back!

My friend once told his younger brother "Shut Up, Pig," and received perhaps the most repeatable insult of all time: "You're a Shut Up Pig!"

After two and a half months, I realize how much I need the sneeze.

Posted by: Keegs at July 14, 2008 12:30 PM

Welcome Back!

Posted by: Pat at July 14, 2008 12:31 PM

Missed you so much! Will keep checking back!

Posted by: Beth at July 14, 2008 12:34 PM

Glad to see you back! I love the Sneeze.

Posted by: Michael at July 14, 2008 12:40 PM

Awww...lookit all this love, Steve! You've been missed by LOTS of people!!!

We're here when you're ready, hun. Give your boy a squidge for me, k? Loves the little ones, yes I do. In a good way. :-)

Posted by: Phoenix at July 14, 2008 12:41 PM

Awwwwwwwwww the universe is back in balance ;) Yay!

Posted by: Tammy at July 14, 2008 12:43 PM

WOOT Welcome Back Steve!

Posted by: Sabrina D at July 14, 2008 12:43 PM

Wow, I seriously thought you were gone forever. Post anything, Steve; even your mediocre posts are hilarious.

Posted by: jmk4422 at July 14, 2008 12:44 PM


Posted by: ap at July 14, 2008 12:48 PM

It would appear that there is only a small handful of people waiting.


Posted by: Ben at July 14, 2008 12:53 PM

Glad you're back Steve. Now entertain me!

Posted by: Phunk at July 14, 2008 12:58 PM

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! I'm very happy to have more things to read while I'm supposed to be working. I missed this blog!

Posted by: J.See at July 14, 2008 1:01 PM

Go ahead and type. Type every one of those words here, and I'll read 'em.

Welcome back!

Posted by: Jason Clark at July 14, 2008 1:11 PM

yayyyy! glad you're back.

you know what's sad? your kid probably has better comebacks than i do. i suck at comebacks -_-;

Posted by: Bobo at July 14, 2008 1:12 PM

Welcome back, man. You've been missed.

Posted by: KJ at July 14, 2008 1:14 PM

Do another Steve, Don't Eat It!!

Get something REALLY messed up.... like McDonalds.

Posted by: Jess at July 14, 2008 1:14 PM


Haha and the kid's funny.

Posted by: Karl-Philip at July 14, 2008 1:17 PM

I saw an update in the RSS feed and I thought "Surely not..." Clicked an the sneeze has been updated. AMAZING

Good to know you're still alive

Posted by: Lee Camp at July 14, 2008 1:38 PM

You have been missed. Welcome back to the internet. Keep on blogging.

Posted by: karen at July 14, 2008 1:39 PM

Welcome back!

Glad we won't have to go on the Tree Brains Tour 2008 without you! Yay!

Posted by: Julia at July 14, 2008 1:39 PM

Welcome back, write when you can!

Posted by: RJ at July 14, 2008 1:40 PM

I've had writer's impotence for about 8 months, so believe me Steve, I know the feeling...er..or lack thereof.

Thanks for beating me to the writer's viagra, dang.

Welcome back, Buddy, your kid is a comic gold mine.

Posted by: Apt-1b at July 14, 2008 1:43 PM

In theory there is a raucous Tree Brains megajam being held in honor or your return

Posted by: Nate at July 14, 2008 1:47 PM


Even that little entry was enough to make for news at practice tonight (band, not juggling)

Posted by: Rob at July 14, 2008 1:48 PM

What a wonderful surprise to see a Sneeze entry on the RSS. Great to have you back. Just get back into it in your own time, buddy.

Posted by: KJ at July 14, 2008 1:48 PM

You've made my day!

Just when I discovered the wonderfulness that is The Sneeze you went away. I've been doling out your "Specials" and old posts little by little until you returned. Besides the obvious "Steve, Don't Eat It", my favorite has got to be "How to Draw a Face". Your dad seems so sweet.

Welcome back, Steve.

Posted by: Momotrips at July 14, 2008 1:56 PM

This is fantastic news!

Posted by: Ryan at July 14, 2008 1:58 PM


Posted by: bizzarefall at July 14, 2008 1:58 PM

About friggin' time! Perhaps a twist on a favorite to celebrate the return, a "Steve, Don't Drink It". I'm thinking MD 20/20 or Thunderbird, (or maybe that dead snake wine the Vietnamese make). Comments written both while imbibing and the next morning. It would just write itself. And pictures - must have pictures.

Posted by: Heather at July 14, 2008 1:59 PM

Hooray!! Welcome back to the internets!

Posted by: Honeywell at July 14, 2008 1:59 PM

Soooo glad to see you are back! Yeah! Happy Day!

Posted by: Amber at July 14, 2008 2:01 PM

Welcome back Steve! Will look forward to reading anything you take the time to post, even if intermittent.

Some of my favorites have always been the funnies your boys produce (e.g. "Raisins for Christmas," "I thought I flushed those," "Jokes from the booster seat"). Given that your youngest is 4 already, may I suggest you and your wife produce another before the well of humor dries up?

Posted by: Knuter at July 14, 2008 2:03 PM

A sneeze update
In my RSS reader
It's less common than you think.

All kidding aside

Welcome back in whatever capacity you can muster.
You have been missed

Posted by: Mark at July 14, 2008 2:09 PM

I can't quit you dude. Welcome back.

Posted by: Biff at July 14, 2008 2:10 PM

There have been MILLIONS of us checking your website daily. You're not rid of us.

Ha haa!

Posted by: Keith at July 14, 2008 2:10 PM

Steve! Welcome back! I have been watching your site awaiting your return! Glad to see you getting back into the swing of things. We still love you!

Posted by: Fuzzyshoes at July 14, 2008 2:11 PM


Posted by: Maureen at July 14, 2008 2:13 PM

Glad to have you back! This story and some of the comments remind me of years ago when a friend of ours babysat for her neighbor's four year old, and the kid's newest word was "penis." He didn't know what it meant, but he knew it would get a reaction if he said it, so of course he said it as often as possible. Eventually that got boring, so he started combining "penis" with other words he knew. Among the most memorable combinations were "chicken penis" and "penis salad."

Posted by: Rob D. at July 14, 2008 2:17 PM

So glad to see you posting again! I was starting to worry about teh Steve!

Posted by: deletedsoul at July 14, 2008 2:21 PM

Oh sweet mother of happy lovefesting Buddha!

I had almost stopped hoping...


Posted by: Pico Suarez at July 14, 2008 2:27 PM

YAAAYYY!! Has it really only been two months? It felt like an eternity! My sister and I are very glad you are on your way back.

Posted by: KatieFace at July 14, 2008 2:39 PM

I figured that I would comment because everybody else seemed to be doing it. I desperately want to be part of the "in" crowd.

Anywho: I'm just glad i wasnt wasting my time by not giving up on this site. And yeah, another Don't Eat It would be a great way to ease back into things.

Nothing is easier than shoving infested corn into your mouth, right?

Posted by: Alabit at July 14, 2008 2:41 PM

You don't need a grand plan to come back, Steve! We welcome you with open arms and open, um...brains. You've already made me laugh today, so you can rest easy.

Welcome back.

Posted by: Alex at July 14, 2008 2:44 PM

Steve!!! YOU'RE BACK!!!

I was checking the Sneeze daily whilst listening to "Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone" hoping you'd come back! I said a prayer to [insert particular god here] every night and day that you'd come back to us!

Glad to see you hackin' away at the old keyboard again good sir!


Posted by: Kevin K at July 14, 2008 2:46 PM

I watch my google reader every day for a new sneeze. we'll be waiting for the big comeback!

Posted by: Cat at July 14, 2008 2:52 PM

I don't think I've ever been so happy to see a website updated, even more than my own sites! There are few sites that make me actually laugh out loud, but yours gives me regular guffaws and banshee shrieks.

I'm also pretty sure my four year old said something almost identical to me just the other day.

Posted by: Cassie at July 14, 2008 2:55 PM

Welcome back, Steve!

I've been checking back every day since you left. Glad to see some activity.

Posted by: Danny at July 14, 2008 3:05 PM

Hurray! Glad you're back Steve. ^_^

Posted by: Jordan at July 14, 2008 3:07 PM


Never leave us again!

Posted by: Tucker Cummings at July 14, 2008 3:10 PM

good to hear your back!

how about a new column - Steve DONT GET DRESSED!

Posted by: Alexxxxxxxx at July 14, 2008 3:11 PM

It feels like I've been reborn! Thanks for making my Monday/ life better, Steve. Welcome back.

Posted by: Alli at July 14, 2008 3:12 PM

Stevie's home! Stevie's home!

Posted by: Jess at July 14, 2008 3:16 PM


good stuff !

Posted by: Will at July 14, 2008 3:21 PM


I've missed you like a blind man misses golf balls. Welcome back to the blog-o-sphere.

Posted by: Bags at July 14, 2008 3:23 PM

Good to have you back man. I've missed your blogging.

Posted by: tim at July 14, 2008 3:25 PM

welcome back...i've missed you!

Posted by: Melissa at July 14, 2008 3:33 PM

Wow! I guess there ARE a few of us left! Thanks, Steve, your style of humor and particular insight is like manna from heaven. Hey how 'bout some ideas on what the heck was manna, anyway?
Love those 4 year olds.

Posted by: Tom at July 14, 2008 3:35 PM

Balance has been restored.
During the hiatus, "The Sneeze" widget never left my Google homepage.

I think it's time for all of us to get dressed FOREVER!

Posted by: Scuba Steve at July 14, 2008 3:39 PM

YAY!! I'm so glad you're back! You've been sorely missed.

Posted by: weejie at July 14, 2008 3:46 PM

and to think that just yesterday, i sneezed in rememberance [remembrance? whatever.] of you.
and now your back!! WOOO HOOOO!!!
we missed you sir!

Posted by: nicole at July 14, 2008 3:48 PM

if your readers were your mother
we'd be giving you a crapload of a guilt trip for not calling. or visiting. even if you couldnt do the sneeze.
hahaha, GLAD YOURE BACK!!!!!

Posted by: thatgirl at July 14, 2008 3:57 PM

YAY! Missed you, man. Hey, go eat something nasty. That'll get you back in the swing of things.

Posted by: Leslie Irish Evans at July 14, 2008 4:08 PM

Yeah! You've been missed.

Posted by: beba at July 14, 2008 4:14 PM

Sweet - you're back!

Posted by: moxiemilo at July 14, 2008 4:14 PM

This is a lesson in quality -- and how the Internet means never having to say you're finished.

You have a genuine voice, people recognize it (and bookmark it), and they've missed it.

Posted by: jimo at July 14, 2008 4:15 PM

Oh... my... GOD!! I have checked this page EVERY SINGLE DAY hoping and praying for a new post. Today is my lucky day! Keep them coming - we'll be here to read them :)

Posted by: Veronica at July 14, 2008 4:15 PM

Welcome back! Please eat something inedible and write about it.

Posted by: Guest at July 14, 2008 4:19 PM

I got so excited when I saw the words "coming back" on my google homepage.
SO excited.


Posted by: Deanna at July 14, 2008 4:30 PM

Thank jeebus you're back. Dolores thinks you've stood her up. She's got some home cookin' waiting just for you.

Posted by: snabby at July 14, 2008 4:33 PM

Oh yes.


Posted by: Sam at July 14, 2008 4:46 PM

i'm so glad you're back! I'm a new reader (I stumbledupon your site) and I was so disappointed when there weren't any new posts. I look forward to reading you again!

Posted by: Cherie at July 14, 2008 4:49 PM

well, if it makes you feel any better, i czeched here every day since you left and was flabbergasted to see an update today. apparently the combination of blind devotion and ridiculous patience has paid off!


Posted by: Dan at July 14, 2008 4:54 PM

Welcome back Steve! Everytime I listen to Cloud Cult's new album I'm reminded of this great site. Waiting patiently for new posts.

Posted by: Derek at July 14, 2008 4:56 PM

I can't even explain how badly I missed you. Thank fuck you're back.

Posted by: Jess at July 14, 2008 5:23 PM

excellent comeback I think. both for you and him.

Posted by: ginna at July 14, 2008 5:26 PM

So freaking glad you're back!

Posted by: gfunk at July 14, 2008 5:39 PM

Looks like there is still a little interest in what you have to say.

Welcome back!

Posted by: Bobby at July 14, 2008 5:39 PM

Welcome back, Steve!

And yeah, you totally got pwned. I mean, I think you did. I don't really know what that means.

Posted by: Mir at July 14, 2008 5:42 PM

Thank god you are back, I've been having to rely on my 5- and 3-year-old for entertainment!

Posted by: Jaime at July 14, 2008 5:42 PM

Yaay! My RSS feeds are less boring! I STILL think Steve Don't Eat It is one of the best reads ever. More please.

Posted by: gergbee at July 14, 2008 5:43 PM

Welcome back Steve!

I'm so glad you're not dead, honest!

Posted by: Faceleg at July 14, 2008 5:45 PM


I got so excited to see "The Sneeze" with a little (1) beside it in my feed reader.

And you are gonna get dressed forever.

Posted by: Sunny at July 14, 2008 5:52 PM

Holy shit. Steve's back!


Posted by: Hayley at July 14, 2008 5:57 PM

Getting dressed forever doesn't sound so bad... as long as you get tot get naked in between dressings! Well welcome back Steve! Welcome back Steve! I only wish we were able to impart to you the level of enjoyment your site has provided your many fans!

Posted by: hobocore bob at July 14, 2008 5:58 PM

You should have gotten the camera out and told him that you were moving to a nudist colony.

Glad to see you back!

Posted by: Justin Lovorn at July 14, 2008 6:14 PM

You should show him... start walking around naked.

Glad you are back. I really did think you got eaten by bears.

Posted by: Kristen K. at July 14, 2008 6:14 PM


Posted by: ScottieC at July 14, 2008 6:23 PM

I look forward to once again having to explain to everyone else in the office what the hell is so goddamn funny over there.

Posted by: Tom at July 14, 2008 6:35 PM

Wow!!! and I was just listening to Cloud Cult's newest album this afternoon, wondering if that spring camping trip did you in! Clouds and tornadoes and all...

Welcome back

Posted by: Sandy at July 14, 2008 6:43 PM

Wow, welcome back. I was beginning to wonder.

Posted by: TillyVanilla at July 14, 2008 6:49 PM

Ahhhh, soooo glad to see you again! 'Not Eaten By Bears' on my RSS feed was depressing me on a daily basis.

I've been getting friends hooked on the sneeze in your absense.

Posted by: Jason at July 14, 2008 6:58 PM


Posted by: Amanda at July 14, 2008 7:01 PM

See? You were missed.
I just noticed you've updated and holy crap comments everywhere.
Also, your son is just like my friend. The worst comebacks ever.

Posted by: Acubavix at July 14, 2008 7:03 PM

Sweet! Good to have you back Steve!

Posted by: Nicole at July 14, 2008 7:28 PM

Welcome back, Steve! We missed ya.

Posted by: Trillion at July 14, 2008 7:28 PM


Posted by: Margaret at July 14, 2008 7:33 PM

It's you, it's you, it's you! YEAH!!!!

Posted by: carla at July 14, 2008 7:42 PM

Been a while, good to see you're still alive. ;)

Posted by: Morgon at July 14, 2008 7:43 PM

You have been sorely missed. So glad to see you back, if only for a moment! Don't pressure yourself with a big entertaining bang - you already did it - the stories you share about your kids are priceless! Those are my favorite part of The Sneeze! WELCOME BACK!

Posted by: kimmy at July 14, 2008 7:47 PM

Yay! Posting again!

Posted by: Julia at July 14, 2008 7:56 PM

thanks for coming back to you us.

we missed you!

Posted by: Tania at July 14, 2008 8:02 PM

Oh my GOD!!! I had almost given up hope.
Have been checking for you every day and you have definitely made my week!! Welcome back you weirdo.
Years ago, when my siblings and I were little pissants my sister told my brother that she was going to wear his sweatshirt, and there was nothing he could do about it.
His reply....Yeah? Well just wait till I get older and turn into a girl and wear all YOUR clothes and see how much you like it!!

So glad to see you back!!!!

Posted by: Debbie at July 14, 2008 8:09 PM


I check your site still, every couple of days hoping you've come back. Your site has been pinned on my firefox tool bar, first place, for ages and I'm so glad that clicking the icon won't be in vain anymore.

Seriously, know you've been missed Steve.



Posted by: kara at July 14, 2008 8:25 PM

You could easily post stuff about your 4 year old constantly and I'd still visit.

Posted by: Jennie at July 14, 2008 8:28 PM

I've still checked daily since that last post in the beginning of May...glad to see it will be worth it again!

Posted by: Hollee at July 14, 2008 8:33 PM

Holy schnikes! I must have had you on my mental RSS feed because tonight on a whim I decided to check your website for the first time in months!

I hope that life is done feeding you shit sandwiches. No pressure, but you were indeed missed.

Posted by: RichardfromIndy at July 14, 2008 8:39 PM

It's like some kind of wonderful dream. Please don't get eaten by bears/get dressed forever/become otherwise unable to update for months again.

Posted by: Lindsaur at July 14, 2008 8:55 PM

Oh my god... THE STEVE IS BACK!

Posted by: Ade at July 14, 2008 8:57 PM

Thrilled to see you back!

Posted by: treble at July 14, 2008 9:00 PM

ALRIGHT!!! Let's get RIPPED!!!

Posted by: Joe Fuentes at July 14, 2008 9:08 PM


Posted by: Jordan at July 14, 2008 9:14 PM

This website is relevant to my interests.
Or possibly just my general amusement...

Glad to see it return within a week of fake steve jobs giving the game away. This is one of my favourites.

Posted by: Mr. Crash at July 14, 2008 9:18 PM

Howabout a "This is what Steve does to pay the bills" post? I know, not funny. But I'm curious whatcha been doin while you've been gone from The Sneeze!

Posted by: Miguel at July 14, 2008 9:20 PM

Somehow, something just made me check this site out right now after not checking since the end of April. Nice telepathy, bigshot. Sheesh.

Anyway, glad to have you back! Hope everything / one is OK.

Posted by: babytaxman at July 14, 2008 9:53 PM

WELCOME BACK! of COURSE there are people who want to read your words! Seriously Steve, we missed you

Posted by: Ruth at July 14, 2008 9:53 PM

Great to have you back!

Take your time, you only have to dress forever - you can do the blog without wearing yourself out... :)

Posted by: S. Neumann at July 14, 2008 10:17 PM

Glad to see you back. During your absence, I have been turning people on to the sneeze...so hopefully you have some more faithful readers!

Posted by: kingb333 at July 14, 2008 10:19 PM

No pressure but, yeah, I'd say there are one or two or several hundred folks who would like to read your words.

Posted by: patricia at July 14, 2008 10:28 PM

*hugs Steve!!* Yay!! Glad to have you back! :) I've been checking every day since you've been gone.

Posted by: Shanna at July 14, 2008 10:43 PM

Welcome back Steve. I'm glad to see you've made a triumphant return!

Posted by: Corbin Suggs at July 14, 2008 10:49 PM

You encouraged me to have kids!

Well that's what I would say if I was even capable of conceiving.. and .. had children..

Posted by: zach at July 14, 2008 11:40 PM

and all is right in the world, once again.

welcome back mr. sneeze.

Posted by: piglet at July 15, 2008 12:02 AM

Yay!! I was starting to thin you lied and you really WERE eated by bears!

Posted by: Wolfidy at July 15, 2008 12:19 AM

Long time listener, first time caller...daily clicker onto your easy to access bookmark at the top of my browser page hoping that you would finally get back from camping...er........

Anyways....welcome back!!! ^_^

p.s. I hope I didn't raise your counter too much...

Posted by: Roxy at July 15, 2008 1:23 AM

Yay, Welcome back! :D

Posted by: Alex at July 15, 2008 1:38 AM

Yay, Welcome back! :D

Posted by: Alex at July 15, 2008 1:38 AM

Don't turn your back on us again Steve. Unless you'd like to get dressed forever.

Posted by: Maudy at July 15, 2008 2:30 AM

Welcome back!

Posted by: Kate at July 15, 2008 2:53 AM

A tear fills my eye, seeing the update of my RSS feed... It's that good ole Sneezer updated again!!! WOOHOO welcome back

Posted by: Jeroenemans at July 15, 2008 2:55 AM

Nice, I feel fairly vocabulated and I still run into that problem myself lol. And its great to see you back, dont overdo it and burn yourself out.

Posted by: Dood at July 15, 2008 3:25 AM

Welcome back ... I have been checking the feed every day, and was kind of getting used to the 'not eaten by bears', the shock just now when I saw something else ... I was not prepared. :p

Posted by: 1015 at July 15, 2008 4:38 AM

Welcome back!

*does happy dance*

Posted by: gary at July 15, 2008 4:51 AM


Not not eaten by bears. :)

Turns out it was worth checking the site every couple of days in the hope of new internets awesomeness. I really hope you've spent the last couple of months eating some really freaky stuff.

Posted by: Dickie at July 15, 2008 5:22 AM

Huzzah! I'm SO glad to see you back, Steve!

Posted by: Reese at July 15, 2008 5:34 AM

Welcome back! I'm so very hap...

WAIT! I have to get this off my chest first...
I am very disappointed in my husband. He had the balls to wait till I woke up to tell me that there was a new post. WTF? Just when I thought I had him trained. ::head shake::


py that your back. I seriuosly felt very lost without my daily dose of the 'Sneeze'.

Posted by: MissMissaLissa at July 15, 2008 5:44 AM

It really is Christmas in July! Let's get HAMMERED.

Posted by: fraujoolie at July 15, 2008 5:44 AM

Woo Hoo!!! Welcome back!!!!

Posted by: jwdoke at July 15, 2008 5:44 AM


Posted by: Jess at July 15, 2008 5:57 AM

Woot for Steve! Can't wait for 'Steve Don't Eat It!'

Posted by: Steve S at July 15, 2008 6:09 AM

My four-year-old grand-daughter was having a sugar induced fit in Target one day and I snapped at her to behave.

"I *am* have."

Posted by: ryanknapper at July 15, 2008 6:17 AM

Welcome back, Steve! You were greatly missed, and oddly enough you were worried about. Now that you're back you better stick around for a while or you can just get dressed forever!

Posted by: Aaron at July 15, 2008 6:17 AM

YAY!!! Steve's back! We missed ya buddy!

Posted by: ORKMommy at July 15, 2008 6:31 AM

yay!!! welcome back!! you were greatly missed!!!

Posted by: mary at July 15, 2008 6:39 AM

A new "Steve Don't Eat It!" would be a good way to jump back in. :) That aside, it's good to see you back. I was wondering if a delayed reaction to the tree brain mushroom you ate had done you in.

Posted by: Jim at July 15, 2008 6:39 AM

Good to have you back.

Posted by: Ryan at July 15, 2008 6:50 AM

YES! I am SO GLAD you're coming back, even slowly.

Posted by: Kathleen at July 15, 2008 6:56 AM

You complete me! Let's never fight again.

Posted by: Nathan at July 15, 2008 7:08 AM

whew! I thought you'd never come back. welcome back!

Posted by: Adriane at July 15, 2008 7:08 AM

Hooray! It's nice to have you back! Best. Website. Ever.

Also, I think the comeback is absolutely perfect for a four year old. I mean, if he hates getting dressed, in his eyes, what would be a more perfect punishment for you than making you get dressed forever? I must say the stories involving your kids are probably one of my favorites!

Posted by: Sarah at July 15, 2008 7:09 AM

Yay! Been checking everyday!

Posted by: Brian at July 15, 2008 7:19 AM

Glad I decided to scoot on over this morning- I've been waiting for your return with bated breath! Welcome back, good sir (insert humble bow here).

Your kid is, as always, hysterical. Though I may be opening myself up to some sort of lawsuit, I must admit that I made the "Raisins?!?!?" mp3 my ring tone on my phone. As such, you can rest easy at night knowing that your child scares the every-loving Sh*t out of me every morning when my alarm goes off. ;)

The Rev.

Posted by: The Rev. at July 15, 2008 7:22 AM

Welcome back!

Posted by: Selena at July 15, 2008 7:47 AM

You we're well and thouroughly missed sir. High Fives all around for your return.

Posted by: The Bohemian Reject at July 15, 2008 7:54 AM

Woohoo. Missed you sooooo much.

Glad to have you back.

Posted by: Jennifer at July 15, 2008 7:58 AM

yay, you're back! i checked every day while you were gone, just hoping, hoping that you'd come back soon.

my 5 year old has the greatest knock-knock joke of all time.

knock knock

who's there?

insert anything here (apple, banana, spider, etc)

apple/banana/spider who?


i know, it makes no sense whatsoever.

Posted by: becky at July 15, 2008 8:00 AM

oh thank god. i've always had the sneeze as my homepage and after a few weeks it just served as a daily dose of depresssion.

take as much time as you need to get back into the swing of things, i'm sure i'm not the only one who would gladly accept anything you can offer.

Posted by: madi at July 15, 2008 8:06 AM


Posted by: Ryan at July 15, 2008 8:09 AM

I once called my mom a dildo (I meant to call her a dodo; and at that time I didn't realize my error nor did I know what a dildo was at that point in my lifetime), but now being much older and wiser, not only do I find it hilarious but I also understand why she completely freaked out on me (we were standing next to our car while we were camping). OOPS!

BTW... I am SOOOOOOOO glad you're back Steve!

Posted by: AnonEMouse at July 15, 2008 8:16 AM

Welcome back steve

Posted by: Steve Algier at July 15, 2008 8:30 AM

Glad you're back! Just logged in on the off chance you were in the posting mood. :-)

Posted by: Nicole at July 15, 2008 8:30 AM

WOW!!! everyday for two and a half months i checked back just to make sure i wasnt missing anything and i almost Xed out of windows sheerly out of habit but i get a post YEAH!!!! welcome back steve!

Posted by: Eric O at July 15, 2008 8:43 AM

Really glad to have you back Steve!

Posted by: Nica at July 15, 2008 8:54 AM

My nephew was mad a t me for some reason and I looked at him and said, "I love you Jeremy." He turned and gave me the meanest look capable of a 6 year old and said, "No, I don't wanna love you!" Kids are funny!
So glad you're back. My boyfriend has been crying about not having The Sneeze in his life.... I've been crying too!

Posted by: Alejandrina at July 15, 2008 8:59 AM

Good to see you coming back, Steve!

Unfortunately, my burns aren't much better/worse than your kid's, although I think they do throw people off enough that they either think I'm retarded or brilliant or speaking in code. My come back would probably have been "yeah, well your face is getting dressed! BURRRRRRRN!!!" Because you have to tell someone you're burning them to, you know, increase the burn.

Posted by: Jennifer at July 15, 2008 9:05 AM

YES!!!!! My lunch breaks have been too boring the last couple of months...

Steve - you are "the man".

Posted by: Richie at July 15, 2008 9:11 AM

Welcome back. Now the Tree Brains have its original lineup back in place.

Posted by: tjet at July 15, 2008 9:43 AM

I was about to kick you out of The Tree Brains... theoretically. Welcome back!

Posted by: Zclone at July 15, 2008 9:45 AM

Dammit Steve! you were gone so long I had to start my own blog to entertain myself with...its not going good...

Posted by: CarlosValdosta at July 15, 2008 9:46 AM

Hi Steve - I hope you and your family are well. This is suppose to be fun. No pressure.

Even reading the comments made by other people who think you are funny, is funny. You have amassed a like minded community. God help us...

Good thing, or else the Tree Brains would have imploded by in-fighting, depression and drug abuse at the first sign of trouble.

Be well. Clearly we are not going anywhere. It just isn't as much fun without our fearless leader. And for Gods sake, put some pants on... FOREVER!

Posted by: Lori at July 15, 2008 9:47 AM

Yay! So glad to see you're back!

Posted by: Megan at July 15, 2008 9:49 AM

Welcome back! I've checked about once a week to see if you've returned. It's great to not leave all bummed out for once. :-)

Posted by: Ross at July 15, 2008 10:19 AM

Great to see you again, Steve!

Posted by: David at July 15, 2008 10:22 AM

glad you're back, brother!

I think "Getting Dressed Forever" should be the Tree Brains first single...

Kids observations and comebacks are great. i have a mole next to my nose. when i told my 5-year old son he was going to have a nose like mine he said "No!" I said, "yes. i'm afraid so." he asked with concern "my nose will have a nipple on it?"

glad to see your return, steve.
gotta run. my nose is lactating.

Posted by: aaron c. at July 15, 2008 10:24 AM


That is all.

Posted by: Katt at July 15, 2008 10:26 AM

I checked your site every day, loyally, always clicking on the my firefox bookmarks toolbar, and I'm finally rewarded! (I don't use a RSS Reader) Finally, more sneezy goodness! Big WB!

Posted by: Jake at July 15, 2008 10:31 AM

Woah!! Forever is a long time to be getting dressed... you better heed his warning.

So incredibly glad you're back, STEVE!!!

Posted by: becky at July 15, 2008 10:35 AM

Welcome Back! I must say that I checked every day for a new post; mainly because I'm a retard that doesn't know how an RSS feed works. (Which is kinda scary being that I'm in IT).

Posted by: Jeff at July 15, 2008 10:45 AM

Yay! You're back!

Posted by: Da5id at July 15, 2008 10:56 AM

I was starting to think you'd abandoned the Tree Brains FOREVER. apparently you were just busy getting dressed. welcome back.

Posted by: typing on a keyboard at July 15, 2008 10:58 AM

Hooray! You're back! I don't what this "RSS" is that the kids keep talking about, but I typed in "thesneeze.com" every other day since May hoping you'd come back and my prayers were answered. I hope seeing how many people enjoy visiting with you via your page inspires you to stick around.
Love, Jen

Posted by: JenDiggityDirt at July 15, 2008 11:04 AM

hooray!!! weird saying "welcome back" when it's your site - but I know alot of people have been checking it every day ( me included )...

Posted by: clyde at July 15, 2008 11:07 AM

Been checking my bookmark of your site ever since May, more recently a bit more wistfully. Brings a tear to mah ah to see you back.

Posted by: MesmerizingPompadour at July 15, 2008 11:07 AM


Posted by: Brad at July 15, 2008 11:29 AM

Welcome back! I was so excited when this popped up in my feedreader this afternoon.

Don't worry about a grand comeback; just write whatever the hell you want and it will probably be hilarious.

Posted by: Claire at July 15, 2008 11:31 AM

HEY!!! Welcome back to the land of zombies- we have been staring at our empty computer screens waiting for something good to sink our teeth in to (whispering braaains... Tree BRAAAAINS...) for the last couple of months and you you have returned!! I don't have the RSS feed but I HAVE been checking your site every day just in case. I and my fellow brain eaters have missed you, Pickles!
~Nate. xxx

Posted by: nate xxx at July 15, 2008 11:50 AM


Welcome back. I've had to travel about twenty blogs to get the same dose of witty goodness that is The Sneeze. It's like they're regular bran flakes, and you're Super Colon Blow.

Posted by: GDad at July 15, 2008 12:00 PM

I kinda liked the "Not eaten by bears" message, it made your extended absence not seem so permanent. I look forward to more SDEI and a nice Tree Brains 2008.
Welcome back dude, we all missed you!

Posted by: DLAW at July 15, 2008 12:13 PM

Yessss. Steve/Sneeze is back *FOREVER*!

Posted by: Sara at July 15, 2008 12:17 PM

Great to have you coming back. I need another steve dont eat that. It has been far too long.

Posted by: luke at July 15, 2008 12:31 PM

We're a pretty easy to entertain group, I think, so don't stress too much about how to impress us. It's just good to see you back here. I hope you enjoy it as much as us!

Posted by: Cassie at July 15, 2008 12:38 PM

I started sucking my thumb again when you left us.


Posted by: Carl at July 15, 2008 12:41 PM

Funny, that's the same argument I use whenever I'm told to do anything.

Welcome back, Steve - you have been missed!

Posted by: Utopus at July 15, 2008 12:47 PM

WELCOME BACK!!!! I miss the witty humor I use to find on this site!!

Posted by: Vic at July 15, 2008 12:51 PM

YAY!!! Steve is back. God bless feed subscriptions.

Posted by: Lee at July 15, 2008 1:09 PM

Awesome!! Thank God your back!!

Posted by: Matt at July 15, 2008 1:23 PM

You're going to keep updating this site, FOREVER!

or else

Posted by: loosewatches at July 15, 2008 1:32 PM

AHH YOU'RE BACK! Checking this site every bloody day has finally paid off with what can only be described as the most awesome comeback ever uttered. Welcome back:D

Posted by: Becca at July 15, 2008 1:46 PM

YAY!! Welcome back. I thought I was going to have to read all or archives again... thank god from some fresh sneeze

Posted by: Kimberly at July 15, 2008 1:59 PM

Whoa... I was gonna start watching tv again...I thought the whole internet "craze" was over. Even got a Pickles Maternity shirt ready!

Posted by: Bryan at July 15, 2008 2:18 PM


(But seriously, no pressure. Welcome back.)

Posted by: lysander at July 15, 2008 2:28 PM

Welcome back.

My four year old says he only gets dressed because "the old people at church can't handle my kind of necked."

I have no idea what that means.

Posted by: Rev. Jack at July 15, 2008 2:35 PM

Good to see you back. I was wondering where you went.

Posted by: Savage at July 15, 2008 2:44 PM

Great to see you back, Steve!

Posted by: Southerrrngirrl at July 15, 2008 2:59 PM

YAY! Glad to see you're back again!

Posted by: Steve at July 15, 2008 3:08 PM

I've missed you! Welcome back!

Posted by: Suicidal Jane at July 15, 2008 3:12 PM

Thank GOD you are back! Hope all is well.

Posted by: Lulabelle at July 15, 2008 3:13 PM

Oh thank ZOD.

Now I can stop checking the bear poop for shreds of evidence.

Posted by: maija at July 15, 2008 3:18 PM

So glad you're back even though I didn't know you were gone. Someone just turned me on to this website and I was crying with laughter about "Steve don't eat it". My husband is also Steve and wants a Steve don't eat it t-shirt really badly. You could make some bank!!! And please find some more disgusting food to sample soon. Maybe you could try replicating the recipes from Lilek's Gallery of Regrettable Food. You could chronicle it like the lady who made it her mission to cook all of the recipes in that Julia Child cookbook, Mastering the Art of French Cooking. Whatever you choose to try next, me and all my friends will be logging on to check it out.

Posted by: Jenn at July 15, 2008 3:49 PM

i never comment but ALWAYS read, and hearing you're back has inspired me to comment in support of the return. keep going!

Posted by: anders at July 15, 2008 4:17 PM

Reading that just warmed my heart more than Christmas, hot choclate, and every Pixar film ever could. Welcome back. You've been trully missed.

Posted by: David at July 15, 2008 4:29 PM


i have missed you so very very very much.
you make me laugh really really really a lot.

Posted by: sigh at July 15, 2008 5:02 PM


i have missed you so very very very much.
you make me laugh really really really a lot.

Posted by: sigh at July 15, 2008 5:02 PM

Oh.my.gosh! I can't tell you how happy I am that you are posting again. You just kinda made my day. :) You write it, and I'll read it.

Posted by: Jessica Wigley at July 15, 2008 5:07 PM

I thought we were going to have to simply IMAGINE this year's tree brain .... how nice to know the official fungal chronicler has returned to us!!!

Hal E. Looya!

Posted by: Glen K. Amo at July 15, 2008 5:11 PM

Hooray! You're back!

Posted by: reuven at July 15, 2008 5:20 PM

glad to see you back

Posted by: steve at July 15, 2008 5:55 PM

Glad you're back, Steve. Everyone missed you. Except that one guy in the corner over there. But only because he's totally trying to figure out why the Swedish meatballs are so good here.

Posted by: The Sodajerk at July 15, 2008 5:58 PM

THRILLED beyond measure that you're back!

REVLIEVED that I'm not the only one checking your site daily and feeling a stab of sadness and worry at the absence of a new post. (And, I swear -- I'm the exact opposite of a no-life loser!)

OVERJOYED to report your comeback to my nine-year-old, who reads all of your PG-13 posts, and listens to the friskier ones that I edit while reading to him. His response: "SWEEEEEET!"

Let's hear it for the best writer on the web! Rock on, Steve!

Posted by: Lisa R. at July 15, 2008 6:29 PM

Hooray!!! SO glad you're back! We've missed you!

Posted by: Amber at July 15, 2008 6:56 PM

yay! i couldn't take one more day of eating bizarre foodstuffs for my own amusement.

Posted by: SubGenius Spice at July 15, 2008 7:48 PM

i have missed you so, stevie! you are loved. i almost didn't check your site today for fear that i would face the painful truth that you hadn't posted still. i am so happy!!!!!!

Posted by: jstagrl at July 15, 2008 7:53 PM

I was waiting for so long.
I was going to give up on you if you didn't post by the end of July.
I checked your page twice a day.
And the one day i DIDN'T check...
YOU CAME BACK! *glomp*

Posted by: the abominable cellist at July 15, 2008 7:59 PM

Dude, welcome back.

Posted by: John at July 15, 2008 8:27 PM

So glad you are finally back. Take your time and ease into it - we don't want to feel like the hilarity is forced. We know you won't dissappoint!! Welcome back old friend.

Posted by: tara at July 15, 2008 8:32 PM

These words, these are not displeasing to me. You may continue.

Welcome back!

Posted by: Dave at July 15, 2008 9:45 PM

Welcome back! Looking forward to more greatness.

Posted by: Mac G at July 15, 2008 9:54 PM

Welcome back! If you didn't get my email, be sure to check out my sneezing penguin humidifier http://www.flickr.com/photos/mrboma/2636386013/

Also, my wife and I are getting a new toilet and naming it "Pooh Corner."

Posted by: mrboma at July 15, 2008 10:00 PM

Steve, I've been lurking at the Sneeze for probably a couple years now, but never once commented. Like the other 34509847 people who posted before me, I've checked nearly every day for an update.

In my excitement of seeing your update, I can't help but post a comment. Welcome back.

Thought I'd also share a little story about my younger brother when we were just wee ones. We watched TV a lot, and I specifically remember this one commercial... for douches. It would be some voice-over asking women "Why Douche?", and they would give a response like "Sometimes, I just feel like I need to". The question would be asked a few times with different responses, effectively burning it into my young brother's impressionable mind. He had no idea what it meant (Neither did I back then), but when he started repeating it, for some reason, people laughed uncontrollably. So naturally, "Why Douche?" became his favorite phrase for a while.

I know, not a comeback story, but I still think it's pretty funny.

Posted by: Der at July 15, 2008 10:08 PM

Having nothing better than the comment immediately preceding me, I'll merely say that you've been missed, and my world is a little happier now that you're back.

No pressure.

Posted by: Probablyno at July 15, 2008 10:45 PM

Maybe what he meant was "you've been MIA forever!" Dude, I am PUMPED you're back ... no pressure, no pressure. Maybe you can get back in the swing of things and eat somethin nasty

Posted by: LilSass at July 15, 2008 10:59 PM

OH thank goodness!

Posted by: sarra at July 15, 2008 11:00 PM

I was pretty sure that after Steve's Hiatus he would have shaken off some of his fanbase. But, if anything, it seems to have grown.

That's pretty remarkable.

Posted by: k at July 15, 2008 11:05 PM

Holy crap it feels like forever. Now I know where that gaping void in my life came from...

Posted by: Nate Kartchner at July 15, 2008 11:06 PM

Good to have you back Steve. Don't worry about making a huge comeback, the fact that you came back at all is enough!

Posted by: Kirsten at July 15, 2008 11:15 PM

Great to see you are back, Steve. I greatly missed your humor!

Posted by: Jason W. at July 15, 2008 11:48 PM


and damn that was funny.

Posted by: gentry at July 15, 2008 11:54 PM


Posted by: krys at July 16, 2008 1:39 AM

STEVE!! I was checking here about every day for updates- I'm so happy to see you're back! And your awesome kids!!

Posted by: katherine at July 16, 2008 2:29 AM

Quelle concidence! I was typing my facebook status to be "Joyce is wondering what ever happened to The Sneeze", but decided to check your site one last time to be sure. And there it was, the comeback... Hallelujah!

Posted by: Pants at July 16, 2008 4:26 AM

Dude, I missed you more than i missed my dog. And that is a lot.

Posted by: Aloisius at July 16, 2008 4:44 AM

It's good to have you back.

Posted by: Pat J at July 16, 2008 5:04 AM

Glad you're back!

Posted by: fushichou at July 16, 2008 5:27 AM

Welcome back. Good to read your posts again.

Posted by: Jason at July 16, 2008 5:28 AM

That' was awesome! You ARE back...and I hope you are dressed.

Posted by: Loren at July 16, 2008 6:43 AM


Posted by: Emily at July 16, 2008 7:11 AM

The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the fog has lifted. Welcome back!

Posted by: Wendy at July 16, 2008 7:49 AM

yessss!!! welcome back! the internet was not the same place without you.

Posted by: betty at July 16, 2008 8:07 AM

Yay! Steve's back!

Posted by: Rick at July 16, 2008 8:37 AM

well, forever is SERIOUS business.

welcome back.

Posted by: jennie at July 16, 2008 8:42 AM

I'm so glad you've returned! I have checked your site ever few days since you went away, and even checked the blowjob hobo site occasionally just in case something was happening there.

We've really missed you.
Welcome back.

Posted by: Stacy at July 16, 2008 8:49 AM

Welcome back Steve, we've all missed you and have been waiting patiently!

Posted by: Mae at July 16, 2008 9:17 AM

I had a really shit day and hoped and hoped that there'd be a sneeze post and there was!
welcome back and thanks :D

Posted by: DL at July 16, 2008 9:25 AM

Just eat something. You'll feel better.

Posted by: Paul Camp at July 16, 2008 9:30 AM

Great post - welcome back, Steve!!!

Mad props for coming back on Bastille Day - do you think your kid is a budding French Revolutionary? Watch out for guillotines, buddy...

Posted by: Brett L. at July 16, 2008 9:45 AM

Man, I thought you really WERE eaten by bears. You just lost me a bunch of money, like 5 dollarbucks. I'd come down to only checking the site maybe 3 days a week. Faith degradation. I died a little each time.

Welcome Back!

Posted by: TimeSyphon at July 16, 2008 10:19 AM

I'm a newcomer to the sneeze. I just took about two weeks or so to read every single post from start to finish. The site is my favorite, and is defintiely getting my psyched for my kid who's on the way.
What's funny is that the day I finished all the posts, you came back. I feel somewhat responsible. Go me :). But I'm glad the site's not done.

Posted by: Jason at July 16, 2008 10:35 AM

That was one heck of a trip to the Shatner. Welcome back.

Posted by: kindmaryjane at July 16, 2008 11:00 AM

Steve! When I saw that you were back I practically did a victory dance. Glad to have you back!!!

Posted by: Shelbz at July 16, 2008 11:04 AM

Sweet! Ive been hitting refresh for the last 60 days! Finally a new post! Welcome back!

Posted by: Chris at July 16, 2008 11:30 AM

It's great that you're feeilng good about doing the site again!

Posted by: SiaZ at July 16, 2008 11:31 AM

I'm so glad you're back!

Posted by: erica at July 16, 2008 11:55 AM

I thought the bear posted a lie about you not being eaten...

Posted by: netz at July 16, 2008 12:40 PM

Welcome back. I haven't been able to look at fungus without thinking of you.

I have a 4 yr old daugther who has TOO much vocabulary. I don't know who has it worse.

My favorite is, "BORING" as the all purpose expression for, "I don't want to Do or Listen to anything that your face is saying, and let me add a FU to that".

Posted by: Reeky at July 16, 2008 1:59 PM

I have a humorous Steve story for anyone that might read this... so a few years back I stumbled across The Sneeze and thought it was funny as hell, etc. and just for the hell of it I very quickly whipped up a Sneeze style header of a crescent moon sneezing out a bunch of stars... it wasn't the best thing ever... but it didn't totally suck (or did it?) Anyway Steve e-mails me back and says thanks... I e-mail him back and explain that he can just put it into rotation if he cared to and his final response was "Ummm the header thing is complicated..." I thought it was funny because he was trying to let me down easy in the most tactful way possible... still find it funny to this day. Keep on keeping on Steve.

Posted by: Kny at July 16, 2008 2:24 PM

Yay! I'm so glad you're back Steve!!

Posted by: John at July 16, 2008 2:51 PM

my life has meaning again!

Posted by: nick at July 16, 2008 2:54 PM

Yay! I'm glad to see you're back. I was getting worried that your Wife/Dog/Son(s)/Blowjo B. Hobo Figurine/etc. murdered you and ran off, but now my fears have been allayed.
I look forward to more,

Posted by: Chance at July 16, 2008 3:09 PM

YAY!! you're back.... lets celebrate with you eating something gross!

Posted by: Nicole at July 16, 2008 3:11 PM

I thing John Sebastian said it best in his moving theme song for that gritty, hard hitting 1970's docu-drama "Welcome Back Kotter".............
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back....

Posted by: Chuck at July 16, 2008 3:31 PM

I just wanted to take part in the overwhelming. You rock Steve! My days have not been the same without the Sneeze.

Posted by: also Steve at July 16, 2008 3:55 PM

Steve... glad you're back. Hope all is OK with you and yours. You make my day... really!

Posted by: Sneeze Fan at July 16, 2008 4:03 PM

Welcome back Steve!!! My wife did cartwheels. Then my cat threw up, but I don't think that's related to you. I'm fairly okay with it, too.

We missed you!

Posted by: Ian at July 16, 2008 5:11 PM

Yay! Yay! Yaaaaaaaaaaaayyy! Thanks for coming back, Famous Man!

Your Faithful Weirdoes have been waiting in slobbering anticipation for your return!

Posted by: hdm at July 16, 2008 5:27 PM

Hey Steve,

My 11-year-old and I are both STOKED that you are back. We have been sitting here reading not only your new posts, but all the comments as well. Had we been drinking a beverage, I am sure liquid would have spewed out of our nostrils several times already. My 5-year-old son is particularly fond of the NEVER come-back (as opposed to FOREVER). eg:

Me: It's time to stop playing with the WII and get ready for bed.

Him: NOOO! If you make me go to bed, I'm **NEVER** going to play the WII AGAIN!!!

(If we ever got the two of them together for a play date they might get stuck in some kind of endless loop).

Posted by: Char at July 16, 2008 5:56 PM

So glad you're back! I've always loved your quality writing.

Posted by: Alek at July 16, 2008 6:16 PM

I always like the kid posts because I have kids roughly your kids ages .... 7 and 3.5.... We added one more who is 8 months old, so please have another kid so we're in sync still.

Welcome back Steve. We missed you.

Posted by: Jim at July 16, 2008 6:59 PM


Posted by: momsoops at July 16, 2008 7:16 PM

Stevie's home!! Stevie's home!!!

Posted by: Jess at July 16, 2008 7:31 PM

Glad to see your back. We missed you!!!

Posted by: Fauxbo Ike at July 16, 2008 9:13 PM

That is "your" not "you're". :)

Posted by: Fauxbo Ike at July 16, 2008 9:15 PM

thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so happy my favorite blog is back! :-D

Posted by: lauriej at July 16, 2008 9:42 PM

I'm not so sure we'd be as glad to see your back as we are to see you're back. But if that is the turn you want to take with this site..... it's totally your call.

Posted by: Cassie at July 16, 2008 9:45 PM

I am SO glad you are back. It's been too long, my friend.

PS- At least he didn't say pickles to you... that would have been the ultimate diss.

Posted by: Nicole at July 16, 2008 9:58 PM

Glad to see something other than "Not Eaten By Bears" for once! It would appear a lot of people missed you! Welcome back, I will be checking bak here more often now. :)

Posted by: Pam at July 16, 2008 11:03 PM

Glad to have you back, Steve. Your blog kept me going during some rough times. You went on hiatus just as I was making a big change in my life. I'm glad that your "resurrection" has corresponded with me starting to turn things around!

Posted by: Alan at July 16, 2008 11:31 PM

Hurrah! You're back!

Posted by: c at July 17, 2008 1:03 AM

i just came. (and not in a creepy way. your posts just make me THAT happy.)

Posted by: emily at July 17, 2008 1:04 AM

Yay! The man, the legend is back!

Posted by: Graham at July 17, 2008 3:11 AM

I hope my kids are as awesome as yours if ever I have the misfortune of having them.

And huzzah, you're back. :p

Posted by: Ria at July 17, 2008 3:24 AM

I'm so glad to read that you'll be coming back! Your blog has always been one of my absolute favorites, so glad to see you back in town, sir.

Posted by: Amelia at July 17, 2008 3:31 AM

STEVE'S BACK!!!! Whoooooooooooo!! The sparkly magical world of things you really shouldn't be eating is buzzing with glee!!!

Posted by: Greer at July 17, 2008 6:02 AM

I've now reconsidered becoming illiterate.

"Make it sparkle!"

Posted by: Brian at July 17, 2008 6:33 AM

I was just getting so worried. It is almost august and I think I might have to curl into a fetal position and suck my thumb for the whole month if I had to miss the annual growing of the tree brain!

Posted by: Jo in Utah at July 17, 2008 6:40 AM

Welcome back!

This from my 2 yr, 11 month old grandson.

"There a monster in my nose. Now a monster on my pinger (finger). See da monster Gram?"

You were missed ... glad you are back.

Posted by: Ginni at July 17, 2008 6:52 AM

Welcome Welcome once again.

Posted by: Rose at July 17, 2008 7:56 AM

Honestly though, I'm thrilled that you're back online and can't wait to read new stuff! Good to see you back online.

Posted by: Shauni at July 17, 2008 7:58 AM

welcome back! i always look forward to reading your posts.

Posted by: helen at July 17, 2008 8:45 AM

Good to see the words you are typing again.

I hope you type...FOREVER!!!

Posted by: Dr. Squid at July 17, 2008 9:21 AM

Woot! Welcome back, Steve. I have missed this website like crazy.

Posted by: Sarah at July 17, 2008 9:38 AM

We've been getting the bulgy eyed growl from the 5 yr old..and once, in Wal-Mart a series of exaperated "Shoot, shoot, shooooot!"s.

Posted by: that girl at July 17, 2008 9:40 AM

So maybe I'm a bit late on the uptake here. But I had almost give up hope on checking on your RSS feed.



Missed yaaaaa.

Posted by: Sonia at July 17, 2008 11:14 AM

You are back! Yessssss!

Posted by: Mike at July 17, 2008 11:33 AM

YES! I win, you totally came back 3 days before me sucker!

Posted by: bred at July 17, 2008 11:35 AM

I totally agree, welcome back!! Definitely ease into another Steve, Don't Eat It! adventure. When I need a good laugh/cry, I read a few of those. Always the cuitlacoche one. It gets me every single time. :D

Posted by: Jessica at July 17, 2008 11:36 AM


Posted by: James at July 17, 2008 11:46 AM

Welcome back Steve! :)

Posted by: Eddy at July 17, 2008 12:00 PM


Posted by: Sarah at July 17, 2008 12:52 PM

Woohoo, welcome back Steve! :)

Posted by: Capn Curry at July 17, 2008 1:18 PM

Not gonna lie. I checked the site every day while you were gone. I missed you, man.

Posted by: Jenna at July 17, 2008 1:35 PM

I thought the absence was a "Steve Don't Eat It" gone horribly awry. I'm so glad you're back.

Posted by: dbati at July 17, 2008 1:48 PM

woah! thesneeze.com is on my yahoo homepage and i check it CONSTANTLY, looking for you . this literally made my night. the intranet stinks without you Steve!

Posted by: Sarah at July 17, 2008 6:07 PM

Yay -- you're back. And I thought you were dumping me. Just-like-all-those-other-men.....

Seriously, glad to have you back!

Posted by: Bec at July 17, 2008 6:58 PM

I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK! Whenever I'm having a bad day, I read The Sneeze. Cheers me up every time! :)

Posted by: kristyn at July 17, 2008 7:43 PM


Posted by: Christine at July 17, 2008 8:48 PM

YES! The internet is fun again. Forget that RSS mammajamma, I checked the site (almost) everyday. Welcome back!

Posted by: Nick at July 17, 2008 9:31 PM

I, too checked the sight on a regular basis waiting for your return. Welcom back!

Posted by: Liz at July 17, 2008 10:01 PM

So glad you are back. I was afraid you ate the bears. I knew they wouldn't eat you, at least not without a bit o bbq sauce!

Posted by: julia at July 17, 2008 10:13 PM

His drool... it's still warm... he's alive!!!!!!!

Posted by: Stef at July 18, 2008 1:52 AM

Glad you're back. I had to add 6 (count 'em, six) new blogs to my life to make up for the not havin' the sneeze, and it still wasn't quite right.

Posted by: Jen at July 18, 2008 2:31 AM

you are coming back? well i'm going to have to read you forever!

Feel that burn? I'm almost 10x your son's age and that's teh best I could do.

So glad to have you on the internet tubes again.

Posted by: jejo at July 18, 2008 6:29 AM

we missed you at theoretical band practice, steve.

Posted by: Kelly at July 18, 2008 7:51 AM

You're back!! You're really, really back!!! I was starting to think the bears really HAD eaten you, and had snuck into your site to fake the message as they made their escape.

Really missed you, Steve! Take your time, write as you like - we'll all be here for you.

Posted by: Bunnie at July 18, 2008 8:40 AM

YAY you're BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot be more eloquent. Sorry. I just missed ya.
Now get busy eatin' stuff.

Posted by: mickaroo at July 18, 2008 8:51 AM

um. yay.

Posted by: bekka at July 18, 2008 10:50 AM

If I have to get dressed forever, I'm gonna invest in a kinkier range of clothes, starting right now.

Silk underwear at the very least beneath my business suits.

Welcome back, Steve.

Posted by: steven gauthier at July 18, 2008 11:18 AM

Dude, I pray that God makes your every hardship melt away, so you can be here always to entertain me. In a Princess Leia as Jabba's slave outfit.


Posted by: e-tab at July 18, 2008 12:58 PM

So happy to see you back!

Posted by: mamatosk at July 18, 2008 1:39 PM

Steve makes my insides stand up and salute the appreciation of humor made by you. Dressed or not - glad to see you typing again!

Posted by: sneeze-lover at July 18, 2008 2:01 PM

Wow, late entry but nice to see you're back, welcome back to the creepy internet community dude!!

Posted by: AngelCat at July 18, 2008 2:13 PM

You lazy bastard!

Posted by: Aja at July 18, 2008 2:18 PM

For a second, I thought you really HAD been eaten by bears. Whew!

Unless this post was written by a Steve-impersonating bear...

Posted by: MikeM at July 18, 2008 2:53 PM

YAY! You're back.

You know what I think would make a great come-back?

Another exciting episode of Steve, Don't eat it!


Posted by: T at July 18, 2008 3:36 PM

Good to see ya! I was worried you'd quit the .. whattocallit.. sneeze thing? although that just sounds like you've given up on a subconcious reaction and thats just rediculous.. ramble ramble ramble chicken ramble ramble

Posted by: it-happens at July 18, 2008 4:27 PM

ooh looks like you're gonna need some aloe vera for that BURRRRNNNN

Posted by: shelby at July 18, 2008 6:05 PM

Welcome back Steve! Im so excited to see the page coming back to life! I love your site. Hope alls well!

Posted by: Jenn at July 18, 2008 6:21 PM

although i'm not a devoted follower of the sneeze...er, once a month i do remember i subscribed to the rss feed. i'm so glad i remembered this month!!! i look forward to the laughter you will bring me (no pressure)!

Posted by: TAt at July 18, 2008 9:18 PM

Whoooooo! I'm so excited!

Posted by: Emiline at July 19, 2008 2:07 AM

Hurray! My weekly check of the site finally paid off (must learn about RSS)!

Welcome back Steve!

Posted by: Paul at July 19, 2008 2:07 AM

Your return has made lots of peoples happy.

Posted by: Sarah at July 19, 2008 7:28 AM

good to see you've surfaced, steve.
welcome back.

Posted by: fudster at July 19, 2008 8:39 AM

i know this is the 418th comment on here and you probably won't read this or get to it, but i'm really glad you're back. i've been hoping things are going well.

i would TOTALLY read all and any posts you put up. i love the ones about your kids. i have a 14 month old son and can only hope he's as hilarious as yours.


Posted by: marsupial jones at July 19, 2008 9:33 AM


Posted by: Eric at July 19, 2008 11:21 AM

Aha! My constant checking of your site in the hope that you'd return has paid off. As you can see from all the comments, you have been missed by many.

Welcome back!

Posted by: Melinda at July 19, 2008 4:53 PM


Welcome back Steve! I missed you something fierce.

Posted by: Erin at July 19, 2008 7:49 PM


You're back!!!

Posted by: Casey at July 19, 2008 10:57 PM

Whoooo Stevie's home! *gives steve a big welcome back hug*
Watch what your kid sez steve, one day he's gonna burn you so bad you'll leave again (do it and die) due to medical purposes and leave countless fans to waste away.
But no pressure!

Posted by: Amber at July 20, 2008 3:01 AM



Posted by: san antone rose at July 20, 2008 4:08 PM

Steve, I will totally ship you this lovely spiced octopus in tomato sauce for your chewing pleasure. It's from Spain and features an easy open tin.

Posted by: san antone rose at July 20, 2008 4:48 PM



Posted by: san antone rose at July 20, 2008 4:49 PM

omg yay! i missed you!!!

Posted by: daisy at July 20, 2008 6:32 PM

Thats a normal type of comeback for me.

Your son rocks!!

Posted by: Micah at July 20, 2008 7:11 PM