January 14, 2008

Breakfast Sausage

What is interesting about the bowl you see above?

It's chock full of characters, each in possession of his own cartoon weiner.

And that's because there aren't any female breakfast cereal mascots.

Pebbles doesn't even appear on boxes of Pebbles in either her "Adorable Baby" or "I'd-Hit-it Adult" forms.

A small handful of female cereal mascots have existed in the past, but there are almost none now except for maybe the "Princesses" which, in my opinion, is more an example the Disney machine slapping characters on any available surface, than good ol' fashioned mascotry.

Even when a mascot is an inanimate object like our old pal The Honey Thing, it's still all dripping, sticky and shaped like a peener.

I suppose I should award some points to Kashi "Good Friends Cinna-Raisin Crunch." It features these two lovely ladies who I firmly believe are "good friends" (ever since that crazy day they met at the Kashi "Good Friends Cinna-Raisin Crunch" photo shoot.)

Instead of cartoon princesses filling little girls' heads with unrealistic dreams of growing up to be waited on hand and foot in a palace so they can someday bust their poor husband's balls the moment he gets back from his shift at the Olive Garden -- I suggest new cereals and mascots that focus on strong female role models that have altered the course of history.

Rosa Parks single-handedly took on segregation in 1955 and brought about real change. SHE should be on a box of cereal. All Princess Ariel did was sing with a crab and trade in her voice for some legs.

Miss Parks is no longer with us, but if she were I know she'd say, "When it comes to breakfast, let's send SEXISM to the back of the bus!"

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Posted by Steven | Archive