April 3, 2007

The Glamour of Hollywood

Yesterday my friends and I were walking on Vine a few blocks south of Sunset. A very jovial homeless gentleman approached us. I can't say for sure he was homeless since he was carrying a portable music player, but it wasn't an iPod, it was an old Sony Discman, so I'm pretty sure that means homeless.

"Fellas, sorry to bother you. I've only been in town for 3 days. I'm from Australia. Do you know where my friend and I can get some dick?" he said, with no Australian accent.

"No, sorry."

"Are you sure? Because we love dick. We swallow it. That's what we do. We're just looking for some Caucasian dick."

"Can't help you. But good luck with that."

"Aw, thanks! You guys are so nice! If you see any dick around let me know. We're going up to KFC right now. Maybe they have some dick there."

"I hope so."

"Don't worry. We're gonna get some Caucasian dick. One way or another." With that, he walked off triumphantly singing to the tune of Blondie at the top of his lungs... "ONE WAY... OR ANOTHER.. I'M GONNA GET SOME... GONNA GET SOME DICK!" Then he was gone.

It was the most entertaining harassment I've had in awhile.

I feel bad turning down homeless people, but I really do believe that if we had given him some dick, we wouldn't be helping in the long run.



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Posted by Steven | Archive