October 29, 2007

The Advil Taste Test Challenge

Everyone knows Advil is not candy and should only be taken as directed, but you know what people don't talk enough about? How delicious it is.

Whenever I've taken Advil, I've been aware of a second or two of fleeting sweetness, but then I'd swallow them and it was gone. That sweetness is there because they are literally candy-coated. They are the M&Ms of pain relievers. Or the Skittles of pain relievers. (Or the Reese's Pieces of pain relievers if you're E.T. and enjoy a 25-year-old reference.)

I was curious just how much sweetness is on there, so Nikki, Anthony and I conducted a little taste test. We each sucked on an Advil while I timed us with a stopwatch.

The sweetness lasted a lot longer than I thought it would. At least 45 seconds.

Interestingly, we found there were 4 stages in the Advil Flavor Spectrum:

1) Lightly sweet (Approx. 45 seconds)
I wouldn't call it a flavor, but it's definitely sweet and candy-like. Mind you, they don't put this on the blue gel caps. I'm only talking about the Advil pictured above.

2) Bananas (Approx. 11 seconds)
Here's a curious turn. Around the 45-second mark the flavor morphed into something I'd call bananas. And no, I'm not getting all Stefani on you, it literally tasted vaguely like bananas. This quickly gave way to...

3) Chalky and flavorless (Approx. 8 seconds)
In the outfield of baseball stadiums, there is a path of dirt between the grass and the wall. This is called the "warning track." It's there as a signal to sprinting players that something bad is about to happen - they are about to become one with the wall. When Advil goes chalky and flavorless, this is the warning track, because you're about to be dealt...

4) Horrendous, taste-bud-destroying bitterness that left me with the inability to taste anything for about 20 minutes. (I would imagine this is the rest of the Advil.) As enjoyable as the outer coating may be, this part is far far worse.

I salute the Advil people for quietly providing this tasty coating, but NEVER calling attention to it. Like the subliminal arrow in the FedEx logo, that's the move. Unlike Tylenol's new mint-flavored "Cool Caplets" which come liberally dipped in the worst flavor of all: Trying Too Hard.

But someday we'll probably give these a test suck, too.

WARNING: ADVIL IS NOT CANDY AND SHOULD ONLY BE TAKEN AS DIRECTED. Don't be a dumbass and eat a bunch of Advil.

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Posted by Steven | Archive