February 25, 2007

I just want the truth...

If you were an M&M,
and your "m" didn't turn out right,

how bummed would you be?

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Posted by Steven | Archive

Very bummed.

Posted by: Andrew at February 25, 2007 10:41 PM

I'm more bummed that I am only the second comment. Where is everyone?

Posted by: waverly at February 25, 2007 10:43 PM

Pickles! I'd feel like I had only had one nut.

Posted by: Christian Cunningham at February 25, 2007 10:43 PM

So thoroughly unbummed that I lead my similarly marked chocolatey brethren in a candy coated revolution against the tyranny of the m-ajority.

For ain't I delicious, too?

Posted by: san antone rose at February 25, 2007 10:43 PM

Steve, your latest post is racist and it offends me.

Posted by: Jackson at February 25, 2007 10:45 PM

Chocolatey tears of pain and disappointment.

Posted by: Dead_ at February 25, 2007 10:51 PM

You're offended by a little brown "n"?

Regardless, you're so vain, Steve. People live with physical deformities everywhere. It's not like that m&m is any less delicious.

Posted by: Stan at February 25, 2007 10:52 PM

Yes. M&M children can be so cruel.

Posted by: Victoria at February 25, 2007 10:53 PM

Stan, I never said I found it offensive. I just asked a question.

Posted by: Steve at February 25, 2007 10:59 PM

I'd go and live in a bell-tower.

Posted by: Erik at February 25, 2007 11:10 PM

Majorly bummed. Of course, I would already have been bummed since I couldn't be a [discontinued] tan M&M and those were the best.

Posted by: chickadee at February 25, 2007 11:29 PM

I'd roll myself under a truck...now, given the size of a truck, compared to an M&M, I'd try to roll myself in the way of the tyres. That's how bummed I'd be if my M wasn't whole.

OR, I'd start a whole coalition with all the other faulty Ms. Maybe even with the faulty Ss from the Skittles packets.

Posted by: Christine at February 25, 2007 11:40 PM

I'd roll over and be a prototype mu.

Posted by: Robert at February 25, 2007 11:40 PM

I think I would try and make the best of it!, Especially if it means I wouldn't be eaten... Maybe I could be the next pop star known as "E"

Posted by: Kjun at February 25, 2007 11:54 PM

It be like only having one eye. Poor wittle M&

Posted by: Shina at February 25, 2007 11:57 PM

Not nearly as bummed as I am that Steve has become so utterly desperate for material that he would actually spend the time and effort to shoot a close-up of an M&M so he could create and post one of the lammest items I've ever seen on The Sneeze. . . . But then again, you managed to incite me enough to make this comment, so maybe I should just shut up now.

Still love ya, Steve (not carnally) (ring a bell?)

Posted by: Wil at February 26, 2007 12:01 AM

They should pakage them, it should be somebody's jonb to go throught m&m factories and picking out the deformed ones.

and then sell them as factory rejects.

n&ns, they could call them

Posted by: annonymous at February 26, 2007 12:14 AM

I would be happy! Yes, happy that someone has finally unearthed the conspiracy! You will notice that the package advertises M&Ms, yet, when I look at one of the little candies, I see only ONE M!
Or do they have a little M on both sides? I forget.
BTW, Steve, I linked to you.

Posted by: Alan the Great at February 26, 2007 12:18 AM

I would feel incredibly bummed, because the other m&m's would make fun of me the whole time we were in the bag, but whoever bought the bag wouldn't care and wouldn't still eat me. :(

Posted by: Nettie Confetti at February 26, 2007 12:23 AM

Well, I'd feel pretty darn special to be joining the ranks of things that are blogged about. You would have never made this post if it weren't for that brave little chocolatey fella. And where would we be then, Steve? Where??

Posted by: Hannah at February 26, 2007 12:53 AM

It'd be a hard life as I wouldn't fit in but at my best I'd feel somewhat special and unique. I'd eventually learn to accept my indivisuality, despite the hard times.

Posted by: teiso at February 26, 2007 1:11 AM

so bummed I couldn't make it out of the package.

Posted by: peoriagrace at February 26, 2007 1:38 AM

I'd just tell people I was pi and that they are too stupid to understand. Then I'd get stomped like all other math geeks on earth :D

Posted by: JC at February 26, 2007 1:55 AM

That's nothing. I once had a whole bag of M&Ms that were messed up- they all had W's on them! Least to say, I sent the whole bag back and demanded a new one.

Posted by: Kevin at February 26, 2007 2:27 AM

I'd feel like I should be a guest on a very special 'Steve, Don't Eat It!'

Posted by: Zippy at February 26, 2007 2:59 AM

why's it got to be a brown M&M that is defective?!


Posted by: Joe A at February 26, 2007 3:33 AM

I'd feel relieved. Maybe if I'm defective, no one will want to eat me, and I can live ou my days in peace.

Posted by: Craig at February 26, 2007 4:02 AM

I'd be fine about it because, obviously, this little m&m is SPECIAL. >sob!sob!<

Posted by: Muffy at February 26, 2007 4:08 AM

I would say that it's a messed-up m. And for me it's a symbol of my individuality, and my belief in personal freedom.

Maybe I'd get in a bar fight or two over it.

Posted by: scott f at February 26, 2007 4:16 AM

I wouldn't be bummed because I have a bacon wallet!

Posted by: McStratman at February 26, 2007 4:40 AM

It wasn't that I didn't turn out right because of a malfunction. I CHOOSE to turn slightly as they were stamping all of the other M's as a personal statement against the conformity that is going on these days. My parents, God rest their souls in Rosie O'Donnell's stomach, taught me to be an individual. I did this for you, Mom and Dad. I'm a stickin' it to the man!

PS. Steve, please don't eat me!

Posted by: words of the partial m typed by Liz at February 26, 2007 4:43 AM

If you had a bag of botched m's and botched skittles, surely you'd have a bag of S&M's, and thats just not something I want to see being sold in the confectionary section of the supermarket.

Although it would obviously then make for a great post on the sneeze. hmmm.

Posted by: Vicky at February 26, 2007 4:57 AM

It could be the resulting scar from bad lypo...everyone is bit fat conscience.

Posted by: Jerkbait at February 26, 2007 5:00 AM

Cosmetic surgery; I would "get my M done."

Posted by: koda at February 26, 2007 5:11 AM

Maybe if you feed the M&M to the tree fungus it will hang around and not disappear every year. Just a thought...

Posted by: Kathy at February 26, 2007 5:12 AM

I really would be disappointed. I'd sue whoever was responsable.

Posted by: Ruth at February 26, 2007 5:26 AM

I think I'd feel more bummed if I were a poop-brown m&m. They comprise nearly half the bag! Diversity, people! Come on!

Posted by: Jen at February 26, 2007 5:29 AM

Well, you know it's a trend in Japan now for the youngsters to go without braces and let their teeth go all snaggly as a sign of individuality. I think my imperfection as an M&M would help distinguish myself from the scores of other identical M&Ms.

Posted by: Ashley at February 26, 2007 5:30 AM

pickles <_<

Posted by: King at February 26, 2007 5:51 AM

I don't know about anyone else but if i were by myself and just chillin i wouldn't feel so bad but if i were with other my m&m buds i would feel kinda ashamed. It's kind of like having half a tatoo or half a penis.

Posted by: Tim at February 26, 2007 6:05 AM

Wha is wron wit missin a smal par of yoursel? Tha does no mak me any les of a perso, does it? You woul stil be able to mak sens of me throug my deformit. I ask onl for acceptanc, regardles of whateve perceive fla I may hav.

Posted by: A Different Steve at February 26, 2007 6:10 AM

I'm going 'glass half full'...I'm still a quality piece of candy, dammit.

I have discovered the inner workings of a new language. Maybe alien, maybe an ancient civilization that roamed our Earth hundreds of thousands of years ago. I may have the key on my candy-coated shell to an untapped knowledge thought forever lost, now there for all to see.

This is the premise for the next "Indiana Jones" saga, soon to appear in theaters.

Now I am being carried down the red carpet...awaiting the results of 'Best Picture', then receiving my commemorative M&M shaped Oscar from the Academy...I almost melt.

Then off to the after parties, where I am mistakenly eaten by Adam Sandler. A tragic end.

Posted by: Steve at February 26, 2007 6:25 AM

I'd be very bunned out. Noo! I can't even type my "M's" correctly!


Posted by: Greg at February 26, 2007 6:30 AM

I'd be happy and different; I'd want to be sold on eBay for $16,000 as an anomaly. If you squint really hard, you can see baby Jesus...

Posted by: amsny at February 26, 2007 6:31 AM

I probably wouldn't care at all, lacking the glandular functions to feel anything at all and not being self aware.

And anyways, I'm probably going to be eaten in a handful by some kid who can't read. Problem solved.

Isn't that a peanut M&M? Looks the right size. Maybe they're just little over here. Are the Brits being fobbed off with teeny M&M's?

I'd like to try S&M's. Not M&S's though as we already have a shop over here called that and judging by their prices you'd probably be paying $15 for a pack of M&S's.

Posted by: AngelCat at February 26, 2007 6:34 AM

Hmmm.... I'd announce myself as being an "Individual" not subject to the "norm" of M&M society.
WOO! I think I just created an M&M sub-culture!

Posted by: Steve H at February 26, 2007 6:43 AM

I had a dream like this once. I was pissed because they printed a W on me instead of an M. Then one of the other candies explained that I was upside down. But from that point on, all the other candies started calling me W. Candies can be so cruel.

Posted by: Smivey at February 26, 2007 6:45 AM

I would turn myself upside down and fill up my one half-m well with beer.

I love you.

Posted by: Erin O'Brien at February 26, 2007 6:46 AM

Would I be shunned by the other M&Ms in the bag? Life is short when one is an M&M. Would I be less desirable to the creature eating me? I think not. It is an honor to be in the bag. Now being a peanut M&M, I would be bummed if the M was misprinted and I had a small nut.

Posted by: Strode at February 26, 2007 6:47 AM

I would tell everyone that I'm a prototype for the next stage in M&M development - featuring the new, improved slanted M!

Posted by: San Chonino at February 26, 2007 6:49 AM

For starters, I'd obsess on the whole being defective thing, then I'd plummet into a death spiral of self-doubt and go on crying jags, having a confection-related identity crisis. Then in a half-assed attempt at making lemonade out of lemons, I'd try to pass off my defect as something unique, like saying that it's an auspicious letter/character in Hebrew or Sanskrit. And when folks were still laughing their asses off at my mediocrity, I'd resort to cannibalism. And by the time the police and other authorities would be "on to me," there'd be no forensic evidence, cuz everyone knows M&Ms (even defective ones), melt in your mouth, not in your hands.

Posted by: It's Me... Maven at February 26, 2007 6:52 AM

I would be happy to be unique, not branded like everyone else.

Posted by: Alex at February 26, 2007 6:53 AM

Could be worse. You could be a peanut m&m hiding a bitter, rotten peanut under your pert candy shell. Sure, you look great, but you know that soon someone will find out how bitter and awful you are deep down inside. You'd be like the Paris Hilton of m&m's.

PS. My 2 year old uses the "pickles" curse too. Apparently it's a viral thing from Higgly Town Heroes.

Posted by: Jenny at February 26, 2007 6:59 AM

Actually, if I were THIS particular M&M, wouldn't I be 'bunned', rather than bummed?

Posted by: Michael_The_Rock at February 26, 2007 7:27 AM

I'd be happy, because now I could get better parking spaces..and people would be nicer to me. oh wait, do we have Constitutional rights for deformed M&M's?

Posted by: Kathy at February 26, 2007 7:29 AM

I'd be bummed originally. Then I'd apply for Social Security. Then I'd be all happy cashing my disability checks and spending my days in a casino at the nickel slots.

Posted by: Megan at February 26, 2007 7:36 AM

I would go get candy shell surgery.

Posted by: Chris at February 26, 2007 7:40 AM

Why be bummed? I'd be quite content not to be like all the other stupid m&ms! :-)

Vive la différence !!

Posted by: wealldie at February 26, 2007 7:42 AM

I would eat myself with the unsatisfying knowledge that my m was incomplete.

Posted by: Jenna Bob at February 26, 2007 7:43 AM

Whoo! That much closer to being mistaken for a store-brand Coco Gem!

Posted by: Mo at February 26, 2007 7:52 AM

That would be like only having on boob. Or one butt cheek.
How depressing

I think I may go cry at the thought of that now.

Posted by: Michelle at February 26, 2007 8:00 AM

Duuude. It would be awesome! I would be a U. no one else is a u. so it would be U&U. thats better. am i right?

Posted by: Amy at February 26, 2007 8:17 AM

I just realized I didnt say this. It would be a u if you turned it upside down

Posted by: Amy at February 26, 2007 8:18 AM

I wouldnt be bummed at all. Its a chase figure! Very collectible.

Posted by: Dot at February 26, 2007 8:21 AM

I wouldn't be bummed because I would be equally delicious to others with full-formed M's and I imagine most people wouldn't take too much time to actually notice whether I had a fully formed M or not before they popped me into their mouth and enjoyed my chocolate-y goodness.

Posted by: Erica at February 26, 2007 8:23 AM

I would hope to be sold to a blind person... that way my deformity wouldn't matter... unless they bought Braille M&Ms...

Love Byrd. ♥

Posted by: Byrd at February 26, 2007 8:35 AM

I have noticed that if you lick just the m's on the M&M's the candy coating around the letters dissolves quicker than the letters themselves. If you are carefull enough, you can create an M&M with no candy shell, but still have the logo on the chocolate. Just a bit of M&M trivia I discovered whilst passing time in the bathroom.

Posted by: shane payne at February 26, 2007 9:24 AM

I wouldn't be "bummed", but I'd sure be irate. I mean, how hard is it to print a full "M".

That poor, poor chocolate bastard. Born to a life of ridicule until he's eaten.

Posted by: Aptkane at February 26, 2007 9:24 AM

Seriously, it's your one big chance and someone goes and messes up your "m". I'd be pissed.

Posted by: droogie at February 26, 2007 9:27 AM

Now that I've taken another look, that "m" is the least of its problems. That guy has some serious shape deformities.

Posted by: droogie at February 26, 2007 9:29 AM

I guess, growing up and feeling a little insecure, I would save up and have "M"plants done and blossom into the new me.
Does insurance cover "M"plants?

Posted by: Ronnie at February 26, 2007 9:33 AM

i think id be ok with it. i believe that every m&m is beautiful on the inside.

Posted by: aideen at February 26, 2007 9:43 AM

Remember kids, it's not how you look on the ouside that matters... it's what's on the inside.

Posted by: Zclone at February 26, 2007 9:44 AM

Just call me a trend setter. Why, everyone in the bag has 2 lousy M's.. me.. just the one and it's an "n" at that! I'm unique, I'm hip, I'm a lone wolf. Also, my 6 year old says, an "n" is faster to write.

Posted by: Denise at February 26, 2007 9:45 AM

Since its essentially a Tattoo, I would go back to the tattoo artist, and hopefully get a free touchup.

Also, I myself have used Pickles as a curse word for almost a year now. Strange, but true.

Posted by: AliceTanzer at February 26, 2007 10:01 AM

I would sue big business for disfiguring me.

Posted by: Jeremy at February 26, 2007 10:10 AM

I had a chat with my 3-year old daughter about M&Ms, and how the M could be a "W" or a "3" or an "E".

This errant M could be a clasp-monkey, or perhaps a crude rendering of Pi. I think it's rather special.

Posted by: jovial_cynic at February 26, 2007 10:36 AM

I wouldn't know because I eat them too fast. But since you did find it and it did impact your life in a horrific manner I think the least Mars and Mars can do is give you a big bag free. At least a pound and a half,you know, the size they sell at movie theaters.

By the way, I have a friend that calls them "M's" because M&M is redundant.

Posted by: paganmonstersuz at February 26, 2007 10:42 AM

i personly would rally with my equaly deformed m&ms against the hatred of the less perfect, throw down the perfect M image and create an alphabet sweet country where any letter is accepted wether or not they have a penuty centre or a slighty deformed letter on there crispy shells!


Posted by: Dani at February 26, 2007 11:02 AM

On the one hand, you could say that an incomplete "m" would mean an incomplete identity. However, I would think that I could appreciate the degree of uniqueness it imparted on me in a sea of identical conformists. Having that little bit missing isn't an incomplete identity. It's the only chance a little candy has at being the star of its own stage.

Posted by: Brad at February 26, 2007 11:19 AM

I would shout PICKLES at the top of my defective lungs. And Please, Steve, don't eat me!!

Posted by: MTNMOMA at February 26, 2007 11:21 AM

Oh great, another thing to add to my already depressing life. No husband, three kids, 100 pounds overweight, bad hair, bad teeth, a crappy car, living with parents at 32 and now a weird M. Thanks Steve, I appreciate the thought.

Posted by: tallyho_2022 at February 26, 2007 11:31 AM

How about the poor Peanut M&M's sans nut? So sad.

Posted by: clay at February 26, 2007 11:52 AM

Not bummed at all....I'd look at it philosophically...

"I think, therefore I M"

Posted by: nashvillephan at February 26, 2007 11:58 AM

There is no M&M....

I would be the rebel m&m the anti establishment m&m...
Pickles them all!!!

Posted by: Bizzarefall at February 26, 2007 12:00 PM

shane payne, What were you doing eating while going to the bathroom? I can't do that, it makes the food taste weird. It's all ever since I found out that you should store toothbrushes at least six feet away from the toilet to "avoid contamination from airborne particles resulting from the flush".

Steve, Don't Brush It!

Posted by: AngelCat at February 26, 2007 12:04 PM

I wouldn't be very bummed because I would demand M&M disability from the government and use it to go do my M&M nails and by an M&M new car.

Posted by: Stacey at February 26, 2007 12:30 PM

I would go on a rebelious rampage!

Posted by: Erin at February 26, 2007 12:49 PM

I'd go emo and cut myself.

Posted by: Ryan Barron at February 26, 2007 12:50 PM

Were the consequences less dire, this appalling display of ignorance would be highly amusing. Listen close, ingnorami. That "defective M" is, in fact, the 15th letter of the Literae Ignotae, or "unknown language", as received by Saint Hildegard of Bingen (not to be confused with the various porcelain pagan idols of Purgin).

While the character is upside-down and mirror-inverted, its identity is unmistakeable to anyone who pays attention. Those who doubt me are invited to visit the nearest Wikipedia at:


...and see for themselves. Horrifyingly, St. Hildy's entry closes with this ominous passage:

"In a letter to Hildegard, her friend and provost Wolmarus, fearing that Hildegard would soon die, asks ubi tunc vox inauditae melodiae? et vox inauditae linguae? (Descemet, p. 346; "where, then, the voice of the unheard melody? And the voice of the unheard language?"), suggesting that the existence of Hildegard's language was known, but there were no initiates that would have preserved its knowledge after her death."

This magic bean proves one thing, people - Hildy walks among us still, parlaying her 12th century necromancy into a lucrative M&M quality control career, where she works to bring down the chocolate giant from the inside, where it is most melty.

We are truly through the looking glass.

Posted by: snickersnee at February 26, 2007 1:20 PM

i would probably get plastic surgery, or maybe commit suicide.....how does an m&m commit suicide? maybe he could like........ jump into someone's mouth, or something like that

Posted by: mike at February 26, 2007 1:54 PM

i'd be all good because that would just make me different from all the brown suckers who look just alike. freaking conformist.
then i'd start a movement.

Posted by: hannah at February 26, 2007 1:56 PM

chocolate HAS no feelings.

if it did, it wouldn't laugh so hard at me each time i gained 15 pounds after valentines day.

Posted by: cowgurlb at February 26, 2007 1:57 PM

I've often wondered about the machine and/or process by which the M&M is stinciled on the M&M's. Though it does occasionally fail, it seems that it very seldom does.

Perhaps, being a big, famous blogger guy (That actually manages to write entertaining material IMHO) you can get Mars to give you a tour.

It would answer one of the big unanswerables in my life.

Posted by: Jack at February 26, 2007 2:18 PM

Thats.. SO SAD *violins*

Posted by: Alistair at February 26, 2007 2:20 PM

It depends on how the M looked. 'Cause if it looked like an "n", I could change my name to Nina and tell people it was licked off.
Or is that too slutty?

Posted by: Christina at February 26, 2007 2:29 PM

I'd be pretty bummed that my boss didn't spell my name right on my name tag. I'd be even more bummed that my name was 'M' though.

Posted by: Mike at February 26, 2007 2:30 PM

momma says im special and beautiful just the way i am.

Posted by: tumbleweed at February 26, 2007 2:44 PM

Man, I'd be pretty dang bummed!

Posted by: Mike at February 26, 2007 3:06 PM

not too bummed.

Posted by: sethonious at February 26, 2007 3:25 PM

I think it was just the one in the middle



Posted by: tafkajp at February 26, 2007 3:29 PM

When I look at eggs all my bottoms go to sleep

Posted by: Bumpo at February 26, 2007 3:43 PM

Didn't Forrest Mars once recall an entire batch of M&Ms because the M's weren't printed right?

Posted by: ade at February 26, 2007 4:00 PM

I'd be pretty bummed that my boss didn't spell my name right on my name tag. I'd be even more bummed that my name was 'M' though.

Posted by: FeeCOMSPU Boonsit at February 26, 2007 4:12 PM

Doesn't it all depend upon which way you hold the tiny nugget? Upside down it looks like a cute little "u" with a tail. I could live with that.

Posted by: MJ at February 26, 2007 4:27 PM

it doesn't matter as still gonna be eaten before u after ur wifey reads the last post lol

Posted by: oxyacetylene at February 26, 2007 4:31 PM

i would totally lose all sense of my m'n'm-ness and constantly question myself till the day i was eaten. i would also have the worst self-confidence out of any m'n'm ever. even that yellow guy who sounds like brad garret.

Posted by: Gigi at February 26, 2007 5:14 PM

I'd consider myself defective, decide I wasn't good enough for this world, and eat my delicious self. Oh yeah.

Posted by: jennifer at February 26, 2007 5:19 PM

I'd use the power derived from my partially developed for partially developed evil.

Posted by: thatmathrkid at February 26, 2007 5:23 PM

oops! I meant "the power derived from my partially developed M"

Posted by: thatmathrkid at February 26, 2007 5:24 PM

I'd probably be more bunned than bummed, seeing as how the "m" factor doesn't really go well with anything in this case... Then I'd have to wonder where the hell the other part of my "m" was in the first place and how one was brought into this world without it, or if not, what kind of sicko would deprive an "m" what makes an "m" an "m!"

Posted by: Ian at February 26, 2007 5:25 PM

I dunno.

Could be worse.

I have gotten M&Ms that were all fused together and warped. It would be cool to see a TLC special about those things.

Posted by: Andy at February 26, 2007 5:30 PM

I have no bum. I am a candy.

Posted by: Sweet at February 26, 2007 6:30 PM

Really bummed. I certainly wouldn't be thrilled that I was "different" or an "individual". I'd probably prefer to rub/scratch off the remaining portion and call myself a 'smartie' instead (for those who don't know smarties are yummier and cooler. They're origionally from the UK but you can get them in Oz too, (which is where I am yay!)

Posted by: JM at February 26, 2007 6:30 PM

I'd sue the fucking government.

Posted by: Daniel S at February 26, 2007 6:33 PM

If I were an M&M I would have a siamese twin joined at the hip. I believe a 'single M&M' is just an M. No?

Posted by: Jason at February 26, 2007 6:56 PM

It's just winking.

Posted by: Tab at February 26, 2007 7:00 PM

at least moderatly bummed.

Posted by: shoowah at February 26, 2007 7:04 PM

As if it didn't suck enough being a brown M&M. Now, it's a brown, almost an M.

The one purpose in it's life it to be an M&M. It's sole identity is to be an M&M.
And it was robbed of it's identity.

Posted by: Kristen at February 26, 2007 7:12 PM

I'd be pretty bummed. All my friends would have their whole and perfect "M's" and I'll just be standing there with a U or an N, looking like a total slob!

Posted by: Ivan at February 26, 2007 7:17 PM

I am only bummed because I was told 'M' stands for manly. 'N' is neutered...

Posted by: Jay at February 26, 2007 8:24 PM

Id probably be driven to seclusion, because when youre an M&M, what else matters besides appearance? Id turn into one of those couch-cushion M&Ms that nobody wants...

Posted by: James at February 26, 2007 8:27 PM

Has NOBODY mentioned www.BecomeanMM.com yet?! Let me tell you, I "became an M&M", and I must say that it was the bad-assest piece of art I ever made.

Oh, and I got my "Meaning of 8" hard copy in the mail today! Damn you and making me addicted to strange water-vapor-religion-like people!

Still waiting on the T-shirt though. I've got my eye on the one with the Buddha on it. :-D

Posted by: CanDea at February 26, 2007 8:50 PM

My former boss (and good friend) once unwittingly gave me a conversation heart that said YOU POCK. I still have it.

But the funky m thing? Bunner, nan.

Posted by: Hirayuki at February 26, 2007 8:57 PM

I'd make the best of it and try to be a mu.

Posted by: Jenn at February 26, 2007 9:21 PM

I'd be so bummed like a fat kid without cake lol

Posted by: Kellie at February 26, 2007 9:44 PM

The stamp residue that failed to print on that M&M has coalesced upon some other bite-sized treat, making it that much more powerful. Sacrifices are sometimes necessary if there is to be any progress at all within the M&M community. I think this poor old fool understands this, and is able to carry himself with a semblance of self-righteous dignity.

Posted by: Noah at February 27, 2007 12:18 AM

STOKED!! I don't want to be a Star-bellied Sneetch...I want to be my own peanut chocolate coated candy.

Posted by: Kristina Kim at February 27, 2007 12:40 AM

Real bummed, because they would put you in a special "class room" on wheels behind the high school and call you names like Goalie, Speedy, or Re-Re. Bastards!

Posted by: John at February 27, 2007 5:26 AM

After second thought, not so bummed, because I would get the really good parking spaces.

Posted by: John at February 27, 2007 5:31 AM

I'd be bummed enough to become a skittle.

Posted by: derrickgott007 at February 27, 2007 7:24 AM

If you send that back to M&M with a letter, saying "since when is that an M&M?" they will give you a voucher. I am 3 english pounds better off in chocolate money.

Posted by: sarah at February 27, 2007 7:48 AM

I don't know, I think I would embrace it. I mean, my brain didn't turn out quite right, but I embraced that. In the end I'm going to die a horrible torturous death by mastication; I don't have time to worry about petty things like the quality of my "m".

Posted by: amberance at February 27, 2007 8:34 AM

I found the M..I went to make myself an M&M character and named it Queen and then played the movie with my character, and the evil guy kept calling me Mueen....M&M has a real problem with the M's

Posted by: kathy at February 27, 2007 8:47 AM

I would be PO

Posted by: Tabatha at February 27, 2007 9:19 AM

get a life

Posted by: buddy blank at February 27, 2007 9:44 AM

I'd be mostly bummed by the fact that others would see me as lazy. It's as though I got more than half way through developing my "m" but I decided to just give up. Then I'd have to go through the rest of my life saying "no guys, I was made this way, it wasn't a choice!!!!!!"

Posted by: John at February 27, 2007 10:18 AM

Absolutely thrilled! It'd mean someone might take an extra second before consuming me to ponder my sweet sweet exsistance.

Posted by: Tish at February 27, 2007 11:05 AM



Posted by: BrianJankowski at February 27, 2007 11:48 AM

I'd be bummed, but if Daniel Day Lewis could do all that crap with his left foot, I'd probably figure I could get by. That man was an inspiration... I think. I didn't really see the movie... He didn't off himself at the end of the movie, did he?

Posted by: kevin s. at February 27, 2007 12:14 PM

I'd be "The Melt-In-Your-Mouth Candy Formerly Known as M." I'd declare my emancipation from Mars Incorporated and eventually come to your home to talk about Jehovah.

Posted by: Holly at February 27, 2007 12:21 PM

banana walnut pancake!

Posted by: bigD at February 27, 2007 1:00 PM

aren't we all an m&m with the m messed up?

Posted by: mary at February 27, 2007 1:48 PM

if i have the space i always dump out my m&ms and look at each one to see if its perfect... and if it has a chip or the m is messed up i eat it and it doesn't get sorted... so i'd probably feel pretty bad if my m was messed up... cause i always save the best ones for last... and i think they know that...

Posted by: Brita at February 27, 2007 3:16 PM

I'd feel quite normal, as most of my M&M brethren also have retarded things passing for M's on their shell.

Welcome to the nuclear generation.

Posted by: Dustin at February 27, 2007 3:22 PM

I'd hold my 'em' real close to my eYe and buy am teeshirt.

Posted by: Menzach at February 27, 2007 3:36 PM


Utter genius.

I've seen Digg.com items about religion vs. atheism that generated fewer responses than this little confectionery Rorschach blotch.


Posted by: Darren at February 27, 2007 6:03 PM

probably very bummed through adolesence and then, after realizing that superficial details do not equal beauty or perfection, not bummed at all.

Posted by: aes at February 27, 2007 6:59 PM

I would turn into a 'u'

Posted by: KM at February 27, 2007 7:11 PM

I would invade Iraq.

Posted by: Pickles at February 27, 2007 7:18 PM

DIDNT TURN OUT RIGHT??!! Dude, Im the first perfect one and all the others are just sad sad failures. Im like WD40 and all the others are WD39 and below.

Posted by: Wiley at February 27, 2007 7:35 PM

Sure I look crazy, but aren't we all a little nuts on the inside anyway?

Posted by: Johnny at February 27, 2007 7:44 PM

i would take it rather hard, especially during childhood, as the other m&m's would probably mercilessly fuck with me at school. but as an adult m&m..i'd either a) get the hell over it or b) get a plastic surgeon (or tattoo artist) to correct (or camouflage) my physical shortcoming...maybe i'd even hook up with that sexy green m&m with the slutty boots, hey u never know....

Posted by: dick at February 27, 2007 8:36 PM

Can't you see what's happening here?? The dark brown, hard shell... the 'N'. I'll bet that Al Sharpton is just around the corner from Steve's house, holding a press conference, shouting that another 'N' candy is about to lose its freedom to another angry... er, hungry white man!!


Posted by: Li'l drummer boy at February 27, 2007 10:45 PM

i would move in with bacon it taste great and has no m's a love would spark and before you knew it little candy and chocolate coated bacon peices would be loading into bags labled N&N's they would break new candy sales records and Mars would go out of buisness M's would be a thing of the past and i would feel on top of the world....


Posted by: dummerthanu at February 27, 2007 10:59 PM

Ooooh!! N&N chocolate coated bacon bits... that Mel is such a Hor!! He'll do anything for money!!

I think we should all start chanting, "Hor-Mel, Hor-Mel"

Posted by: Li'l drummer boy at February 27, 2007 11:10 PM

after reading this blog forget about how the candy feels witch HAS NO FEELINGS YOU WEIRDOS what about the real man who puts the M's on he is going to kill himself if he reads this stuff

HOR - MEL that's awesome HA HA HA

Posted by: dummerthanu at February 27, 2007 11:28 PM

Mutant M&Ms! We need to open a school for special M&Ms so they aren't ostracized. I wonder is he can fly?

Posted by: leathersammie at February 28, 2007 12:18 AM

I would emancipate myself- since I was different, why would I need to follow the conventions forced apon me by others who are not as I am?

Posted by: Ellana at February 28, 2007 4:51 AM

Isn't anyone concerned that even if you DID become a "u", you'd still be backwards?! Your tail would be poking out the wrong direction. Ooh, booyah. :)

Regardless, have you eaten it yet, Steve?!

Or should we all gasp and cringe in horror and cry "STEVE, Don't Eat It!"

I dunno. Someone help me.

Posted by: CanDea at February 28, 2007 6:03 AM

I'm more bummed by the fact that people considered this a racist post.

But if I were to be that deformed little M&M, you can be sure I'd make the best of it. And stomp you stupid whole M&Ms!

Posted by: Mavis at February 28, 2007 6:08 AM

Well, pickles! I DO only have one nut, so I don't feel so bad about the damn messed up M&M!

Posted by: Drew at February 28, 2007 6:50 AM

All your bottoms, Bumpo????

Posted by: Susie at February 28, 2007 7:10 AM

I would laugh in the faces of the anarchists because i AM a beautiful and unique snowflake.

I would proudly brandish my individual logo until the Chavs adopted my symbol of individuality in the form of brown hoodies and caps created to look like sniny candy shells and I became a mirror of all my counterparts.

THEN I would take all the money I had earned from my branding efforts and get the tail on my M fixed and thus become unique once more.

Posted by: Nate at February 28, 2007 7:59 AM

if i was a mutant m, i would have to slit my creamy, milk chocolate, melt in your mouth, not in your hand dark brown wrists.

Posted by: Ninja_Justin at February 28, 2007 8:18 AM

i don't think i'd be that bummed.

i'd probably just start calling myself an "individual" which would then cause an explosion of other m & m's scratching off part of their m's to follow the trend.

but then, after everyone had followed my lead, i would be bummed that i was no longer an individual.

at that point, i'd probably have the m removed, and exile myself from the world of candy, perhaps finding solace among the rabbit turd population.

Posted by: violet at February 28, 2007 8:54 AM

hey buddy blank who you talking about

Posted by: tabatha at February 28, 2007 10:36 AM

You can't HANdle the truth!!

Posted by: jer at February 28, 2007 11:54 AM

Very Bummed, because people might think I can't write!

No way would I go out like that if I had legs.

Posted by: RC at February 28, 2007 1:50 PM

I'd join the 1maacp

Posted by: Joe at February 28, 2007 1:54 PM

you could always be a cursive 'U', CanDea.

If I had a misshaped 'M', I'd make an attempt to eat myself.
If that didn't work, I'd do my best to escape the factory and walk the streets in search of some underground M&M retreat.

I'd just have to watch out for small children.

Posted by: Kegan at February 28, 2007 2:05 PM

Good point, Kegan.

Posted by: CanDea at February 28, 2007 2:39 PM

maybe he HAD a good "M"... in fact, maybe it was TOO good so the other "m"s had to rough him up a bit. sad....

Posted by: reggie at February 28, 2007 3:25 PM

I would consider slapping the crap out fo good ol' mum and pa. Then wonder if I would ever recover...Maybe join a convent, cause god knows, only the ugly go there, or even better, become a brown turd of a leprechan..."Catch my luck Charms"..."They're Magically Delicious"...and I would be guaranteed to have all my gold by the ned of the day. Or I could just go on living my life, just as the missing soggy character in Kelloggs Rice Krispies....LOL.

Posted by: 2HUNGLOW at February 28, 2007 5:54 PM

pickles couldn't my M&M parents do it right.
I'd be so bummed that I would move and live with the skittles

Posted by: Mona at February 28, 2007 7:14 PM


Posted by: maggie at February 28, 2007 7:14 PM

I'd learn to embrace my differences. Either that or I'd form a coup with all the "n"s and "r"s.

Posted by: Emmers at February 28, 2007 8:18 PM

I'd be mortified, only I couldn't even spell mortified. I'd be....something else...notorized? utilized? something without an m. Unless I was one of those old-school light brown/tan M&Ms. Then I wouldn't care. I'd just be happy it was 1992 again.

Posted by: Mattbot at March 1, 2007 3:37 AM

I'm guessing this board is going to be closed as soon as Steve sees the spamming attempts above:

so before it does, I've just realised: If we put misprinted M&M's and Skittles together we'd end up with "C'N'N's"

Copyright infringement, right there.

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Posted by: swingers at March 1, 2007 9:51 AM

I would seek out other differently abled candies that wanted to participate in sporting events so we could all be winners!

Seriously, though -- better a defective M&M than a perfect skittle or reese's piece....pleah!

Posted by: Tom at March 1, 2007 10:13 AM

I'd get the "M" tattooed on.

No one would ever know.... ;)

And what the hell is up with all the spam?!

Stop fucking up the sacred sneeze people!!!!

Posted by: Aubern at March 1, 2007 12:17 PM

I'd be constantly wondering if perhaps my mommy or daddy was an "n" or perhaps a "w." That would certainly load me down with identity-angst. "Who am I?" "What am I?", I would think,"Who is going to put their lips around someone like me?" Then again maybe I was just painted by an a-hole and I can just pin all my shit on his lame ass. Where's my shotgun? I got a date with a half-assed candy painter. Or a candy-assed half-wit. Whatever... I'll let God sort 'em out. (red ones, green ones brown ones...)

Posted by: joe at March 1, 2007 12:34 PM

Juan: I would be so depressed and annoyed, I would go become a bulimic and throw up all of the chocolate, and then I would try to become a malteser. Or a nalteser. OH THE TRAGEDY.

Cat: I would go into the toilet and attempt to poo out all the chocolatey goodness inside of me. Then I would LAUGH. Aha. AHA. AHAHAHHAHA. *pain*

Juan: That's stupid. n&ns don't have pooholes.

Cat: they will when i make one in them.......

Juan: About our friendship, just... No. Just no.

Posted by: Juan and Cat at March 1, 2007 2:11 PM

i'd be very bunrnred.

Posted by: emily at March 1, 2007 2:20 PM

i'd show it to al gore so he could come up with a way for me to blame it on global warming

Posted by: copeland at March 1, 2007 2:53 PM

Hey, i think you would be confused, like being born without either reproductive organs, what should you be?boy or girl? M&m or just another chocolate sweet?
Can i ask why comments are only open on this post? is it because of the gay sex toy spam?
Everything i have read so far has been very funny!

Posted by: Claire at March 1, 2007 5:05 PM

i dunno seems like it'd be pretty sweet to have pi printed on me.

Posted by: nickr at March 1, 2007 5:31 PM

I would revel in my nonconformity and use it as an impetus to grow myself as a candy, develop deep inner spirituality and all that crap you do if you give up on your appearance. If you're an M&M.

Posted by: beezus at March 1, 2007 10:10 PM

I wounldn't be bummed at all poopoo happens

Posted by: Nancy at March 2, 2007 1:55 PM

I'd walk the streets of Detroit, preferably 8 mile, in hopes that a dorky blond kid would find me and become a famous wrapper, er, rapper named enimen!

Posted by: Enron at March 2, 2007 5:07 PM

196 comments and the board is still open? Holy-hoo-ha! Will someone actually read this comment? Hmm.

I always pictured these little train cars (like the ones in coal mines) full of M&Ms that didn't make the cut. After the cars were full, they would be transported back to the choco melter to be recycled, or maybe the local landfill. No, no, strike that, a corporation wouldn't pay for them to be put in a landfill. It would just have it's evil henchmen dump all the millions of crappy M&Ms into the river behind the factory.

That is all.

Posted by: Terry at March 3, 2007 7:01 AM


I have read your comment.


Posted by: Steve at March 3, 2007 7:03 AM

i am bummed that not one of you realized how i was right and got scared. you people will be the first ones with your backs against the wall when the revolution comes.

enjoy your damned candies while you may - i will still have the last snickers.

penny saved, then penny earned
then four more times to make a nickel
repeat until the end of time
oh, sugar daddy, chocolate's fickle!

yet Hildy waits, with reaper's scythe,
hooded cloak, and bloody sickle
she'll stick it in your bovine eye
too late, you'll see your blindness.

Posted by: snickersnee at March 3, 2007 11:25 AM

i would not be bummed if i was missing an "m", the best i could muster, er, uster would be "bu......ed"....

i think life without "m" would be iserable.

Posted by: allison at March 3, 2007 8:03 PM