June 7, 2007

Green is the Color of Going Off Script

I apologize for the back to back kid entries, but I thought this was slightly awesome.

My son (who is finishing up 1st grade) was part of a school assembly a few weeks ago. For reasons beyond our control, my wife and I were unable to attend, but we finally got our hands on a DVD of it.

Basically, several different classes were each assigned a color and each kid said a sentence about that color into the microphone. One after another in painful succession.

My son's class was assigned "green" and the audience got to hear an endless stream of insightful nuggets such as, "Green is the color of a green apple."

Apparently the boy's big line was "Green is the color of my shirt," but he decided to take a fantastic detour. My guess is he was inspired by boredom.

The actual streaming audio is below, but I'm including a transcript as well because parts are hard to hear. (I also included the two kids before him to help put the whole thing in context.)

(Click arrow to play)

A group of kids in green shirts stand on an auditorium stage. A teacher works his way down the line, holding a microphone in front of each kid's face.

Girl #1: "Green is the color of icky, mushy slime."

Girl #2: "Green is the color of a green stem."

The microphone arrives at my son for what should be, "Green is the color of my shirt."

(TAPPING MICROPHONE) Is this thing on?

(GRABS MICROPHONE) Okay, I have a lot to say...

After a brief false start...



It's the biggest, greenest, SLIMIEST MONSTER EVER! AAARGGHHH!!!

As the audience applauds and the teacher tries to wrestle the microphone away from him, he quickly squeezes in:

Green is the color of my shirt!


Right before we watched his part for the first time, he said, "When you see this, you're going to come over here and hug me."

He was right.

* * * * * *

(In case you're wondering, I've been able to determine that the phrase "Turn your faces to the southwest" was inspired by something Plankton said to an audience in an episode of SpongeBob ("Turn to face the southwest corridor!"), but I have to give the boy credit for tying it in to the whole "green monster" thing on his own.

I also credit him for leaving out Plankton's follow-up line, "The other way, imbeciles." Although, that might have been even more than slightly awesome.)

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Posted by Steven | Archive