I walked into the kitchen to find my wife watching "The Pick Up Artist" on Vh1. It's a reality show where they attempt to teach socially awkward guys how to pick up hot girls.

My favorite technique is the "Neg." That's making a playful "negative comment" to disarm a woman and show you're not defenseless to her beauty.

Me: "How can you watch this show?"

My wife: "I'm easily amused."

Me: "Yeah, that's 'cuz you're dumb... OH SHIT, DROPPING NEGS! Get your shirt off."

My wife: (BLANK STARE)

The shirt remained on.

I don't think I negged her hard enough. Next time I'll make fun of her family. Then make way for the sex!