February 26, 2007

Blindsided

Picture a lazy Saturday afternoon at home. You're hanging out with your six-year-old in his room while he quietly draws a boat on his MagnaDoodle. Maybe a bird is chirping outside the window. It's all very bondy and nice.

The boy stops drawing for a moment, looks right at you and says: "HERE'S THE IMPORTANT QUESTION: What part of the mommy does the baby come out of?"

Jesus Christ! What's with the friggin' sneak attack?!

I have to say, I think I handled it perfectly. I just told him, "If you want to know what part of the mommy it is, don't you think that's a good question for mommy? You should go ask her right now." And off he went.

Was she sleeping?

Yes.

Because she was sick with a fever?

Sure.

But before you think I'm a complete asshole, remember -- as long as he didn't tell her I sent him in, she'd just think he was asking her first. So it's all cool.

And I must give her credit. For being woken up sick, out of a sound sleep to hear "What part of the mommy does the baby come out of?", she gave an excellent answer. She just coughed up a little phlegm and told him, "The baby grows in a part called the womb and when the baby is ready, he comes out through the birth canal." My son was pleased with that answer, came back in and finished his boat. My wife went back to sleep and everyone was happy.

See? All cool.

Now here's the even more important question: How do we keep the mommy from reading this, so as not to restrict DADDY'S access to the birth canal?



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Posted by Steven | Archive