May 2007 Archives

No Longer Interested in How Many Licks It Takes

You know how embarrassing it is to walk in on somebody going to the bathroom?

I think that just happened with my Tootsie Pop.

Re: Dude in Dress

Becka sent me just one of the many emails in response to yesterday's post about our cross-dressing space pal...

Hi Steve -

The men-in-skirts was an attempt to reinforce the idea that men and women are equal in the twenty-fourth century, and that gender roles in general are more fluid. Not one probably noticed, but it was worn by both men and women. The uniform seems to have been short-lived, being used only during 2364-2365 (TNG season 1 and the first part of 2). It was phased out in favor of the unisex jumpsuit.

The name for this uniform variation? The 'skant.' Also referred to as the 'Space Cheerleader' look.

See Memory Alpha, the Star Trek wiki, for further details.

I knew this without looking it up. Spock Lives!


I've included a bunch of the other responses and theories, as well...

Set Phasers to "Thong"

I recently received this intriguing email...


I don't know if you're a Trekkie, but you seem like just the kind of guy who likes to sit down with a bowl of popcorn and watch old Star Trek episodes. Maybe I'm wrong. In any case, I was watching The Next Generation with my girlfriend tonight, and I came across something interesting. So interesting in fact, that I thought "If only I had a website where I could share crazy things that I see, I could post this." Then I thought about you.

So here's the story. During episode 106 (breaks off into a serious geek-trip), Picard makes an inspirational speech to try and bring the Enterprise back from a place where thought is reality, outside anywhere. The camera goes to several different extras, crewmembers listening to this speech.

When suddenly the camera falls on this man.

Witness him. See how stupid he looks, he stands there with an air of drunk stupidity, wearing his dress. My girlfriend and I have a short discussion about it that goes something like this

"Is that guy wearing a dress?"
"I think he left with his wife's uniform that morning."
"Maybe he's thinking about wearing a dress - they are in a world where thought is reality"
"Yeah.. He's thinking really hard about wearing a dress.."

So, we have a few laughs, and then, a few days later (today), We're watching episode 115, and who do we see during the ships evacuation call by Data?

No other then, MAN IN A DRESS (Queue loud DAH DAH DAH sound)

It's clearly him, although he's in the background, and a little blurry, and he clearly (even at this long distance), has a look of stupidity on his face.

We're going to keep an eye out for him. I think he's plotting to take over the Enterprise. Or at least infest it with a plague of gender confusion. I'll keep you updated, whether you like it or not.


Thanks, Matt. I'm not a big Next Generation fan, but I'm now a huge fan of THIS guy and his smooth space legs. (I also enjoy that official Star Fleet Brooch he's got on.)

I was going to say that since you saw him in a subsequent episode, that would disprove the theory that he was only "thinking about wearing a dress." But you could argue that after his imagined cross-dressing "test run" in #106, he went ahead and made his dreams a reality in #115.

Either that, or you just found the ugliest chick on the Enterprise.

If anyone happens to have any further info about him, please shoot me an email. Thanks to all your emails I know more than I ever cared to know about this dude's dress. I'll put up a bunch of the emails tomorrow.


As if AIDS and tsunamis weren't enough, along comes this bottle of iced tea.

From the Ito En company, the label features one of their Haiku award winners:

Where's the good ol' haiku 5-7-5 syllable structure? This one is 4-5-5.

According to their website, this is the "New-Style Haiku" where you don't have to bother with the whole 5-7-5 thing or even try to make it 17 syllables. They say this is to encourage as much participation as possible. It encouraged Charles Rodning to save 3 whole syllables, apparently securing his title as the bad-boy of iced tea poetry.

Chuck, I'm sure you're a nice guy, but I reject your new-style haiku. (And since I'm a nice guy too, I still give you the award for Best Brief Sentence About a Teapot.)

My buddy, Steve, wrote an old-style haiku to express his feelings about the new-style haiku:

New Haiku is bad
Changing things can make them worse
Like Tara Reid's boobs

That's some good haikuing.

Since anyone can now change the rules of anything, I've made a few official changes of my own:

The New-Style Working Out is scratching myself.

The New-Style Jessica Alba has a crush on me.

The New-Style Paying Taxes is having a little pudding.

The New New-Style Haiku is the old haiku.

And the New-Style Really Big Penis is 4 inches. (That's so when Alba makes her move, she won't be disappointed. But it doesn't really matter, because the New-Style Disappointed is horny, naked and psyched.)

All Hail the Honey Thing

While chomping on some Honey Bunches of Oats, it occurred to me that they've taken that beehive-shaped wooden Honey-Stick Thing and actually made it their mascot.

I love how proudly it's featured on the box. If Honey Bunches of Oats was a TV show, it would definitely be starring the honey thing.

It didn't take much looking to see what a nice career this utensil has carved out for itself.

Over the years the honey-stick thing has appeared in a long-running series of boxes with fellow cereal star, the Honey Nut Cheerios bee.

The honey thing can also be seen co-starring (and drizzling) with Dig 'Em the Frog in the big-budget buddy comedy, "Honey Smacks."

The stick even scored a guest-starring role in the critically acclaimed cruncher, "Golden Grahams."

Despite working with industry heavy-weights, it is certainly not beneath the Honey-stick to slum it for a quick check.

Here he can be seen in the straight-to-video cereal equivalent "Honey Bumpers" as well as playing an embarrassing dual-role in the breakfast aisle flop, "Mighty Bites."

You have done well for yourself, little wooden honey thing. I suspect you have a kick-ass publicist, since NOBODY ACTUALLY USES YOU.

If I were that cute bear-shaped squeeze bottle of honey in my kitchen, I'd be on the phone with my agent right now, tearing him a new one.

Is This Thing On?

Hey there!

I've been laying low the past couple off weeks with wacky work stuff, but I'm ready to dig back in here. Let's ease into this with a couple of items...

1) I was interviewed by a fantastic 9-year-old kid named Matt.

Before you start wondering if a 9-year-old kid should really be reading The Sneeze, his mom just started reading select sections to him (cleaning it up here and there).

It's not often you get to answer killer questions like "What's your favorite number in Roman Numerals?" Thanks, Matt! You can find the interview right here.

2) This Friday night!

My wife, a big ol' group of our friends and I will be headed out to the Knitting Factory in Hollywood this Friday night, May 4th, to see our pals Cloud Cult. This show was a critic's pick in the LA Times and is also being recorded by XM for broadcast.

Tix are only 8 bucks, so if you have any access at all to Los Angeles -- come on down, say hi and join us.

It'll be fun. Click here for details.

Back in a bit.


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This page is an archive of entries from May 2007 listed from newest to oldest.

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