January 3, 2006

The Revenge of Franklinstein

My friend Anthony was flipping through the channels the other night, and his father said, "Wait, go back. That was "It's a Great Life!" He was referring to the holiday classic, "It's a Wonderful Life."

Because my friends and I are lovable assholes, I can promise you that "It's a Wonderful Life" is going to be "It's a Great Life" for the rest of eternity.

I should point out, these occurrences aren't a mere slip of the tongue. These are prime examples of genuine, old-fashioned, Grade A confusion.

Like the time Don's mom was in the mood for a little Ralph Macchio and said, "Why don't you go to the video store and rent Hey, Vinnie?" Or everybody's favorite movie with two chicks driving a car off a cliff, "Tina & Louise."

Or my Dad talking many times about "Franklinstein." Or the classic culinary advertising campaign he firmly believes is "Pork: The Other Meat."

And Pete's father-in-law who loves to watch "Steinfeld."

Have any of these come up in your travels? If you share them here, I believe we truly can make it a great life. The comment board is NOW CLOSED.



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Posted by Steven | Archive
Comments

Man, this happened all the time when I was a manager at BlockBuster. All we could do to not bust out laughing whenever we heard a mix up like this. Of course, we would only make fun of the people who were SO SURE of the title, but still have it wrong. This post is moot though cause I can't remember any specific examples. :(

Posted by: nick at January 3, 2006 7:14 AM

Being French, I often found it funny to "get" English product names once I learned the proper vocabulary. For Example, "Head and Shoulders" (the shampoo...now you know I HAD dandruff) was always pronounced "Hidden Shoulders" in my home. Quite funny, knowing that dandruff will not hide your shoulders at all. What...! I was only a boy then! I could barely read French!

Anyway, my mom still refers to Demi Moore as Demioore, making it sound either like Demi Hore or Dimmer, depending on how much alcohol has been permitted in the house that day. Of course she doesn't get the joke, serious as she is!

Posted by: Rawbear at January 3, 2006 7:21 AM

My mom once referred to Toby Keith (who my sister has a thing for, but I won't get into that) Tony Blair. They are practically the same person though, so I guess it's understandable.

Posted by: mary at January 3, 2006 7:22 AM

My mother was out with her friends and mistakingly referred to another round of "Sam Adams" as "Adam Sandlers." Perhaps she had already enjoyed one too many "Adam Sandlers."

Posted by: Eric at January 3, 2006 7:29 AM

My mom loves Tommy Higerfeld clothes and asks my 3 yo son how Roly Oly Oly was.

Posted by: Laska at January 3, 2006 7:36 AM

My father loves to attend rock concerts. He has seen everyone (Hendrix, Stones x 15, etc), and likes to keep up with newer music. About 8 years ago, Weezer was getting huge, and I was a big fan. He heard the song Buddy Holly, and really liked it. He came home one day, and told me about the song and asked who it was by. Before I could tell him, he said "Is it by 'The Weezers'?" All I could tell him was yes, indeed it was by 'The Weezers', as I left the room to laugh.

Posted by: Paul at January 3, 2006 7:37 AM

My father used to refer to the Smithsonian (both the institution and the magazine) and the "Smith-STONE-ian." I can't tell you how hard my stoner friends and I used giggle at that in high school.

Posted by: vinegarmoon at January 3, 2006 7:41 AM

While playing Scrabble with the husband and some friends, the husband(who was doing poorly) announces "Well no WONDER I suck at this! It's the GENUS" edition! I call him a GENUS all the time now! AAAAHAHAHAHA!

Posted by: colette lepanto at January 3, 2006 7:42 AM

My mom also watches "Steinfeld." In addition, she likes to drink "Schnapple," and when we go to the beach, she just loves to watch us "bogey-board."

Posted by: kevin at January 3, 2006 7:49 AM

My dad refer's to a chimney as a "chimb-ley" pronouncing the "b".
My father in law refer's to vodka as "vod-e-ka"
Drive's me nuts!!

Posted by: Twinkly at January 3, 2006 7:58 AM

My friend Tanya Ex-presso all the time. It drives me CRAZY!

And I had a physics teacher in high school who said "again-you" instead of against. *twitch* I tried to correct her once, but she looked at me like I was nuts.

Posted by: Miriam at January 3, 2006 8:04 AM

When my mother cleans the house she wears a kerchief on her head to keep her hair out of her eyes. Always wanting to keep up with the times, she refers to it as a "du wop rag" as opposed to the more conventional do-rag.

Posted by: Kaity at January 3, 2006 8:04 AM

that should be "My friend Tanya SAYS Ex-presso... HATE TYPOS!

Posted by: Miriam at January 3, 2006 8:05 AM

As a cheesemonger, my colleagues and I hear all sorts of word-butchering that give us a chuckle. Havarati (The Lost Tenor), Asaggio instead of Asiago. And my favorite: Calamari olives. Maybe I've missed the new culinary delight of squid-stuffed olives. Move over peanut butter and chocolate, Calamari olives are the NKOTB! BTW, what they're really after is Kalamatas. Folks seem to have a tough time pronouncing Gruyere as well. Happy Snow Day nor'easters!

Posted by: Eye-Sack at January 3, 2006 8:05 AM

Gah!! Stuff like this drives me NUTS!!! My family (and my wife) are so bad about things like this.

It crosses over to the electronic medium as well. In instant messages, my wife will often exclaim "Yicks" when she means "Yikes".

Posted by: Trint at January 3, 2006 8:08 AM

My mother is a fountain of pronunciations gone bad. Instead of lighting a votive candle, she lights a "voltive". I suppose it is a candle that runs off either a wick or a power cord. She also says "vetrans" instead of veterans. But don't correct her...she gets pissy.

Posted by: Melissa at January 3, 2006 8:12 AM

while not quite the same, when I hear someone say 'axe' as in 'I axed her to go with me', I cringe so hard a tsunami of back flesh washes over my five head.
One other is when my ex, whose parents grew up in brooklyn, translates their affected english version of 'mortified' into 'mawtified' and will correct you if you say it properly.

Posted by: kurt at January 3, 2006 8:16 AM

My friends and I went into a Chinese restaurant and one of my friends was looking over the menu, and exclaimed (in pure phonetic spelling), "fahn-TAIL-ee Shrimp ... hm.. I wonder what that is. We should try it." Only after everyone else looking at it, did we find out that it was, in fact, Fantail Shrimp. Woo boy, do we still give him crap about that.

Posted by: Ryan at January 3, 2006 8:18 AM

When I was younger, it always drove me crazy that my grandpa thought I played Super Mario Bros. on an "Entendo."

Furthermore, for my grandpa, Entendo was an umbrella beneath which the likes of Game Boy, Sega Genesis, Game Gear, and Playstation could all huddle.

Posted by: Emmanuel at January 3, 2006 8:19 AM

My grandpa does that all the time but the only ones I can think of is Oli instead og my nick-name Ali even though ive corrected him about 2,000 times.

Posted by: Alyssa at January 3, 2006 8:21 AM

My dad once called the video rental shop and asked whether they had "Ferris Mueller's Day Out". My brother and I remind him of that about once a week.

Posted by: Laura at January 3, 2006 8:22 AM

For Miriam who said:
---
I had a physics teacher in high school who said "again-you" instead of against. *twitch* I tried to correct her once, but she looked at me like I was nuts.
---

You are nuts :) Look up "agin" in the dictionary, it's a perfectly valid variant of "against"... admittedly, only valid if you're a hick :)

Posted by: Dan at January 3, 2006 8:25 AM

My friend Mike is a big fan of the show "Curb Your Enthusiasm," starring the writer and creator of "Steinfeld," one Barry Davis. (When he first said that instead of "Larry David," our entire friendship group stared at him blankly for about ten seconds before we could understand what the hell he was talking about.)

Posted by: Tabloidman at January 3, 2006 8:26 AM

My mother once referred to the Tom Hanks movie "Turner and Hooch" as "Turner and Crotch".
I prefer her title, makes the movie sound more entertaining :)

Posted by: Dan at January 3, 2006 8:30 AM

My mom kept referring to Free Willie as Wet Wille.
Also, once when I was sick and had a sore throat, i was drinking this tea called Throat Coat. She came home from work and promptly offered me another cup of deep throat tea. It was my MOM!

My other favorite was my friend working at a video sales store, and someone came up to him and said "Do you have the Quick and the Dead? I already looked all through the G's!"

Posted by: Hobbs von Wackamole at January 3, 2006 8:30 AM

My father, after seeing "March of the Penguins" was so impressed with Morgan Freeman's narration, he continues to tell each one of his friends and mine that "Morgan Freeman is just FANATICAL in that movie!".... hm, i guess Morgan reallllly loves those penguins.

Posted by: jen at January 3, 2006 8:30 AM

A family favorite:

My nephew had to answer the call of nature and no indoor plumbing was in sight, only one of those delightful, plastic port-o-potty horrors.

Traumatized by the sights and odors, he was there-after, forever worried about getting caught away from civilization, and being forced to use a "Porn-O-Potty".

We've referred to them as such ever since. (Poor kid is still traumatized some 12 years later.)

Posted by: LeJae at January 3, 2006 8:33 AM

While selling tickets for the movie "One True Thing", old ladies asked for a ticket to "One Two Three". It's funny 'cuz they said it exactly like Mr. Owl in the Tootsie Pop commercial.

When I got a big scuff mark on the wall, I decided to purchase a "Dr. Phil Magic Eraser". In conclusion, Mr. Clean and Dr. Phil are both bald.

My mom calls the Yeah Yeah Yeahs (a band) the "ya yas". My aunt refers to cilantro as "silly-antro".

I hate when people say "cousint" (cousin), "melk" (milk), and "pellow" (pillow).

P.S. Wow. I thought my mom invented "Steinfeld".

Posted by: Celeste at January 3, 2006 8:36 AM

I once accidentally referred to "Crazy Beautiful" as "Crazy Stupid". Not sure why I would think anyone would name a movie that but it really wasn't a very good movie, so in the end I think my title was more appropriate.

Posted by: Christie at January 3, 2006 8:41 AM

Just the other day, my 4 yr old son and I were watching TV and a trailer for King Kong came on. A few minutes later, he turned to me and said, "I don't want to see King Dong, it's too scary."

Posted by: Laine at January 3, 2006 8:41 AM

Best one I ever heard was my friend Bob, who had recently moved to Chicago from Pittsburgh and complained because the local shops all said "gy-ro" wrong. Apparently they were pronouncing it closer to the Greek "yee-ro"...

Posted by: McCrum at January 3, 2006 8:45 AM

My grandmother, God rest her soul, always called chimpanzees "chimpanese." I think she believed they were actually people from Chimpan.

My sister-in-law pronounces Aunt Jemima syrup the fancy way: "AHHnt Jemima," which just seems wrong.

Posted by: Inklet at January 3, 2006 8:50 AM

OMG. My friend is *the most* annoying when it comes to mispronunciation. She often takes an EX-presso with her SANGWIGES (sandwiches to us normal folk) and, in her day, liked to watch ROSEWELL High. She also listens to country music - GARETH Brooks and the DIX CHICKSIES to name two.

I could go on. But I'm beginning to hyperventilate with the excitement....

Posted by: Roxanne at January 3, 2006 8:53 AM

My ex-girlfirend's mom was born and raised in mexico, and she just loved tatter totes from sonic.

Posted by: Chris at January 3, 2006 8:54 AM

My physics teacher in high school pronounced the word "sphere" as "spear". Pause for a moment and consider the self-control I exhibited not to strangle her on the spot each and every time.

Also, in a fit of irony (I think), she'd pronounce "gramatically correct" as "gramaRically correct".

She haunts my dreams.

Posted by: Jason at January 3, 2006 8:57 AM

A former girlfriend of mine always called her laptop computer a 'Labtop" my mother enjoyed the show "Mark and Mandy" a lot but my favorite of this type of mixup was my grandmother who disliked Don Adams as Agent 86 on the show the show "Smart Guy"

Posted by: will at January 3, 2006 8:58 AM

It kills me when people say "pacific" instead of "specific" or "ideal" instead of "idea."

One mistake made by every class of first graders I've ever taught is when they write the word "saw." In the beginning, they almost always write it as "sol." I guess they hear the "L" on the end when the word is spoken. Or...maybe this is just a regional (southern) problem!

Posted by: Persnickety at January 3, 2006 9:04 AM

No, nothing quite like that but once I heard a woman mispronounce a word in the course of raving about a local comedian's performance. At first I was confused about what, exactly, she was trying to say but she kept on repeating the word with more and more emphasis (because she was a bit of a jerk and wanted us to be impressed with her elocution), and it eventually dawned on me that she was trying to use the word "panache." Except she rhymed it with "Apache."

\Ah, the splendors of New Jersey.

Posted by: Alyssa at January 3, 2006 9:05 AM

My dad one-upped the "Steinfeld" crowd when over dinner he told everyone how he really likes that "Steinberg" show. Especially that "Cosgrove Cramer." Similarly, upon passing a sign for Homer NY, he attempted to make a Simpsons reference by musing that "Madge" should be nearby.

Posted by: Baxter at January 3, 2006 9:07 AM

One of my teachers said lookit. My mother said that Tom Cruise was the "glip" one.

Posted by: Derek Martz at January 3, 2006 9:11 AM

I had a roommate in college who pronounced her own major "bi-AH-ligical science."

My parents are both horrible at pronouncing things, and it worked my last nerve when we travelled through Europe when I was a teenager. My dad actually got mad at me for trying to pronounce French words correctly, and referred to the currency as "dootch marks" all through Germany.

Posted by: Tracie at January 3, 2006 9:18 AM

I remember my science teacher as always pronouncing 'parmesan' as 'par-MEE-zin'. He was also prone to pronouncing 'schedule' as 'skay-doo-lee' from time to time. I miss him.

Posted by: Elizabeth at January 3, 2006 9:20 AM

This is similar but different. A former girlfriend of mine once asked me what the movie "Silence is Golden" was about when we were buying tickets at a movie theater.

Posted by: Karl at January 3, 2006 9:25 AM

I actually know a movie producer who told me he was working on getting Angel Jolie and Alex Baldwin for his next feature. How can anyone give him money to make a movie...Jeez

Posted by: angryboy at January 3, 2006 9:27 AM

My niece says ung-yun instead of onion. Every time I hear it, I literally see red. Literally, I tell ya!

Posted by: JennJenn at January 3, 2006 9:29 AM

My mom's first meal of the day is "brekfrust". Her brother's name is "Juff" (not "Jeff"). She gets water from the "flossit". Wolves are "woofs".

And worst of all, ever since she started going to acupuncture school, she tries to apply Chinese phonics to English words, and thinks this makes her cosmopolitan and sophisticated and a world citizen and whatnot. Ex: Tazo tea is supposed to be pronounced "tay-zo" (they even say so on the box!), but she's insists on pronouncing it "dah-zow" because that's (apparently) how Chinese people would pronounce it.

It's a fine line between "world citizen" and "Midwestern white trash idiot", apparently.

Posted by: Abigail at January 3, 2006 9:30 AM

My husband says "Chipoltnay" instead of "Chipolte" and since I corrected him he laughs laughs thinking its funny so now he says it because he knows it gets to me.
When people say EX presso, pisses me off...

Posted by: Amy S at January 3, 2006 9:36 AM

I hate when people say "cousint" (cousin), "melk" (milk), and "pellow" (pillow).

P.S. Wow. I thought my mom invented "Steinfeld".
Posted by: Celeste at January 3, 2006 08:36 AM
------------
Both pellow and melk are normal east-coast pronunciations. Not saying everyone there talks that way, but I did and so did many of the people I grew up around!

Go figure!

Posted by: Becci at January 3, 2006 9:38 AM

In the song "Brick House" my friend's husband sings "She's built like a Akamazon" instead of "Amazon". We bust up about it every time we talk about it... Also, he thought the Banarama song "I'm your Venus" was "I'm your Fetus"...Damn, that man is funny.

Posted by: Murphy's Law at January 3, 2006 9:40 AM

My grandfather always did this. My brother Kevin became Kalbin. Watermelon was wallermelon. But the best was the Six Million Dollar Man was the Six Dollar Man.

Posted by: biggeek69 at January 3, 2006 9:44 AM

This is SUCH a hot button for me! Actually, I bite my tongue on multiple occasions these days because apparently my correcting is as annoying to others as the offenders' misuse of grammar and pronunciation is to me. Here are some of my favorites:

"I'll have an order of the chicken stripes" (I'll cut him some slack, though being that he's Belgian and all).

While IN IRELAND and ever since, the town/stone of "Ba-lar-ney" is a nice tourist attraction.

This same friend has a tendency to throw in superflous vowels in words such as "real-a-tor", and consonants in words like "and" when she means "an".

My grandma shopped for the grandkids at "Toy-R-Us", God rest her sweet soul.

And last but not least, my dad actually pronounces the "s" at the end of Illinois. Sigh.

Posted by: shannon at January 3, 2006 9:47 AM

My mother, after being corrected MILLIONS of times , still refers to the folding couch/bed that WE all know as a Futon as a FRUITRON!!!!!! uggghhhhh!!!!!!

Posted by: michele at January 3, 2006 9:48 AM

We call it "Steinfeld" too! My girlfriend and I actually have a special language we speak that is the result from typos during our IM conversations. One example is slug, the slimy creature that leaves slime trails. That is a slub in our language.

On rainy evenings we like to invite our friends over to play a game of Scrambble.

Posted by: Stan at January 3, 2006 9:53 AM

This is slightly different (or differnt, as they say in northwest PA where she lives) but in 40 years of watching "The Tonight Show," my grandmother still can't remember its title. She calls it "Jay Leno's Progrum", ditto with "Dave Letterman's Progrum," etc...

Posted by: jaykayess at January 3, 2006 9:53 AM

My mother pronounces the word 'food' as 'fued'. Grrr!!

PS. I have to admit, the word 'mirror' does not flow from my lips with ease. Seems to comes out as 'meer'. And milk is always 'melk' (eastcoasters rule).

Posted by: bluenoser at January 3, 2006 9:53 AM

My sister always says "brekfrist" which makes me want to punch her lights out every time.

Posted by: lizardek at January 3, 2006 9:59 AM

Apparently, I can't speak or spell properly. It's lunchtime here, must go have some 'feud'.

Posted by: bluenoser at January 3, 2006 9:59 AM

At my parents house, we only ever refer to the Aliens star as "Sir Horney Weaver" and Reality Bites star as "Jeanene Go-f**K-a-buffalo"

Posted by: Thrilhaus at January 3, 2006 10:03 AM

My dad has some good ones:
provoline (for provolone cheese)
pishing (when refering to phising scams)
and an old favorite which may just be a strange dialect:
Warshington (when refering to the state or DC, also warsh is used in place of wash)

Posted by: mark at January 3, 2006 10:04 AM

My mother also watches Steinfield and I, according to my jackass friends, will always listen to Drufus Wainwright

Posted by: Nick at January 3, 2006 10:06 AM

If I hear one more person say "supposably" I may just go insane.

Posted by: Annoyed at January 3, 2006 10:06 AM

My sister were kids in the 80's singing along to "Secret Agent Man" As "Secret Asian Man". Paints a real picture doesn't it.

Posted by: Robin at January 3, 2006 10:09 AM

the other day i was trying to remember the name for this "High Liner" brand of stirfry, a frozen fish product with an old fisherman on the front, and i called it "Captian Morgan's Old Man and the Sea" product.

Posted by: sweetie_1209 at January 3, 2006 10:10 AM

Out for Chinese one night my lovely wife questioned the server about the "Chick-a-go" Chicken... He was of course mystified, and in assisting my wife with explaining what she wanted I had her point it out to me. It was Chicago Chicken. Now, when traveling we frequently have layovers in Chick-a-go, she has a custom made Chick-a-go concert t-shirt, and while we never did figure out what exactly was in Chicago Chicken, I make a mean Chick-a-go Stir Fry now :)

Posted by: Jason at January 3, 2006 10:10 AM

OH YA
and it drives me bonkers when people say "salary" instead of Celery, and "crowns" instead of crayons.. like WTF?

Posted by: sweetie_1209 at January 3, 2006 10:12 AM

Once, when I was young...my mom was singing along to "You dropped the bomb on me" and was saying: "You bought a Batmobile"

Posted by: Carsten at January 3, 2006 10:13 AM

My little brother says "pallow" instead of pillow all the time. He's the only one in the family who does it, and it bothers me to no end. (He has no excuse, he's ten years old.)

My mom enjoys the robust flavor of "Chipoltay."

My friend Sierra likes to tell me all about the things she "brought" from the store, and usually after she "axes" me if I thought they were good purchases. After this, she tells me she has to leave because she was "upposta" (rather than supposed to) be home an hour ago.

Yeah.

Posted by: angela at January 3, 2006 10:13 AM

An Irish friend called the movie "Circle of Friends," "Ring Of Mates" at the ticket booth. My other friend from Russia had trouble buying tickets for the movie "What Lies Beneath," running out of synonyms: "What lies below...behind...beside???" Ah, poor foreigners.
And I swear that in 400 years, humans will be saying "fambily" instead of "family."

Posted by: Marissa at January 3, 2006 10:17 AM

When I was a kid my mother always told me to "go play your Natendo" or "go watch nickelodeum." As with the above poster, for a long period of time, all video games were "natendo." Recently, I was watching a mixed martial arts event, which my mother cannot tell apart from boxing. When she actually saw it, she asked "what are you watching? Soomoo wrestling?"

My sister likes to make up words. "If anyone axes you where you heard that..." she'll say while gossiping. Also, she assures me when we have a heated argument that she "doesn't mean that in an insultacious way." Incidentally, she consistently uses words that she doesn't know the meaning of, then criticizes me when I use them correctly.

Posted by: Dan at January 3, 2006 10:18 AM

My brother-in-law teasing my sister at her lack of pop culture knowlege:

BIL: "Ok, then, try this one. Jimi Hendrix."

SISTER: "OHHHhhhhh, I know this one. Isn't he that Muppet guy?"


I'm serious.

Posted by: TheIdleReceptionist at January 3, 2006 10:19 AM

I had a roommate in college who hated to repeat himself. He took great pleasure in criticizing someone's hearing when asked "huh?", "what?", or "excuse me?".

He'd say, "What....are you death?!", meaning, of course, deaf.

Boy, he thought that was hilarious and apparently never realized he was using the wrong word.

Posted by: Brian at January 3, 2006 10:21 AM

I went out with an American girl for 18 months and when I was over visiting her I was constantly asked to say "Three". Now I don't know if you know the Irish accent too well but most of us aren't arsed with the 'h' and just say "tree"! So for 18 months I constantly heard them making fun of me! Tree hundred and turty tree and a turd!

Posted by: Mick at January 3, 2006 10:21 AM

I always find it funny that most people in wisconsin pronounce wisconsin as "wis-GAHN-sin." In fact, once when I was in Louisiana a woman at a fast food restaurant startled me by yelling at my dad "WHat'll ya have wiss-CAHN-sin?" she fairly yelled it. it kinda freaked me out. i also think it sad that many people in my town pronounce milk as melk when most of the people around here are dairy farmers.

Posted by: mande at January 3, 2006 10:23 AM

some of my favorites from my dad:
toilet - terlit
wash - warsh
roof - ruf
yellow - yaller

Posted by: nt at January 3, 2006 10:23 AM

All I know is...Salmon is delicious!!!

Posted by: Shanon at January 3, 2006 10:25 AM

All of my Sweedish friends enjoy that American treat, HooBa BooBa bubble gum.
And my grand father enjoys the "Double Mac" sandwich from Mcdonalds.

Posted by: motorcitybubbleboy at January 3, 2006 10:27 AM

my friends family live in the back woods of upstate new york and lack anything remotely resembling grammar. they pronounce Parmesan cheese par-may-see-ann. on a side note my friends mother thinks fiber is good for cholesterol because it cleans your arteries like a pipe cleaner. emm, scratchy!

Posted by: jordan at January 3, 2006 10:27 AM

A friend of mine used to sing the popular KISS song:
I wanna rock and roll all night
And part of everyday

Because, you know, even rockers need their beauty sleep.

Posted by: Sammi at January 3, 2006 10:27 AM

it really irks me when people ask for "chigga nuggits" at the mcdonald's where i work. but then again, i think mande's on to something. wisconsin people just like to be lazy with c's. however, wisc. is the best kept secret of the u.s.

Posted by: diana at January 3, 2006 10:30 AM

My friend's mom once meant to say "you snooze, you lose", but instead it came out "you sneeze, you miss". We still crack up over that one. This was the same woman who referred to that Sandra Bullock movie "While You Were Sleeping" as "Before You Woke Up".

My father-in-law was trying to remember the name of the movie "As Good As It Gets" and said "What's that Jack Nicholson movie? 'It Doesn't Get Any Better'?"

My high school health teacher (English was not her first language) was talking about platelets. Their correct pronunciation is plate-lets, but she pronounced them plah-tell-ets. She had to ask us why we were all giggling.

Posted by: marzipan at January 3, 2006 10:30 AM

Ah, thought of some more. My sister is awesome at saying "supposably" and "exspecially." She can't take being corrected either. My Dad usually takes pride in his extreme knowledge of everything (don't most dads) but if you ask him to pronounce an oriental name, forget about it.
"Jackie Chan" is impossible for him to say, infamous boxer Moo duk Kim is "kim duk too."

Even Steven Seagal is "Steve Seagull."

Posted by: Dan at January 3, 2006 10:31 AM

my favorite is my grandma after she had a rather large margarita. she decided she was feeling a bit "tootsy" as opposed to "tipsy"

Posted by: ricki at January 3, 2006 10:32 AM

My mom for the longest time called it "fan-THOM of the Opera." I had to correct her for fear of obnoxious theater people threatening to throttle her when she went to see Andrew Lloyd Webber's creation.

Other than that, I'm surprised you forgot to mention "Frageeelay! Must be Italian" in the best Christmas movie of all time: "A Christmas Story"

Posted by: LO at January 3, 2006 10:33 AM

My buzzed father gave his five kids a lecture one Thanksgiving on the importance of knowing the "Heinekin maneuver." (choking? quick, wash it down!) He and my mom also recently enjoyed "that Joaquin Phillips" in Walk the Line.

Posted by: Joy at January 3, 2006 10:39 AM

Once I was going with my friend and his family to their grandmother's for Christmas. When we went by Ethan Allen's, his dad said, "There's Ethan Allen. Ever read any of his books?" My friend bust out laughing and said, "No, but go a few of his pamphlets before!lol".

Posted by: Sleek at January 3, 2006 10:42 AM

my wife - adict instead of attic
my wife - Ex-presso instead of espresso (seems to be common)
my grandpa - Ar-da-be's instead of Arby's
my parents - back in the day, the phrase "That's what I'm talking about" was quite popular. To this day, my parents still say "I'm talking about that" instead of the original.

Posted by: GravyTrain at January 3, 2006 10:46 AM

This uttered in angst-ridden frustration by my wife while attempting to navigate a congested shopping mall parking lot during the holidays:

"Man! This place is a NIGHTHOUSE!!"

I guess that's what you get when you cross a nightmare with a madhouse.

Posted by: Brian at January 3, 2006 10:47 AM

My mom also refers to kids who are hyperactive, as Hypo.
It NEVER MAKES ME LAUGH. It GRATES my nerves EACH AND EVERY TIME.

Posted by: Sleek at January 3, 2006 10:50 AM

There's a little town near where I live, it has what I think is a unique, interesting name: Fuquay Varina. It is pronounced Few-quay Varina ( Varina rhymes with Tina). My dad always pronounces it Foo-kay.
Also, to him there is a grocery store chain called Harris Tweeter (Harris Teeter). Hilarious.

Posted by: MacG at January 3, 2006 10:51 AM

The wife and I were arguing about something one day and she threw her hands up in exasperation claiming I was being intentionally "ignert".

...

"You mean "ignorant" dont you honey?"
"No. I mean ignert! I-G-N-E-R-T IGNERT! Like you don't know what's going on or what you're talking about!"


Yeah, I won that particular argument.

Posted by: Soylent at January 3, 2006 10:55 AM

"Also, he thought the Banarama song 'I'm your Venus' was 'I'm your Fetus'..."

At least fetus is better than penis, which is what I happily (and loudly) would shout out as I sang along...

Posted by: the swede at January 3, 2006 10:57 AM

One more from big Jack: On Saturday nights he and my mom would watch "Chuck Norris, Touched by an Angel, and Frontier Doctor." (Walker, Texas Ranger and Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. The only reason he can recall the angel show is because he would often say, "Roma Downey! I wouldn't mind being touched by that angel!")

Posted by: Joy at January 3, 2006 10:59 AM

In canada, we have a coffee chain called The Second Cup. My cousin always refers to it as The Third Cup. No idea why, that doesn't even make sense.

Posted by: joan at January 3, 2006 11:04 AM

oh i just remembered!
my friend refered to Queen Latifia's "beauty shop"
as "bringing down the barber shop"

Posted by: sweetie_1209 at January 3, 2006 11:06 AM

My friend was listening to Twista - Like a 24 loud in his room, and his father came in and started imitating the rapper and sang 'Shake that afro like a 24'

(The actual lyrics are 'Make that ass roll like a 24')

Posted by: Yair at January 3, 2006 11:06 AM

My MIL's husband says dis-A-ney instead of Disney for everything associated with the empire, amusment parts, movies, characters, etc. Of course we live near Dis-A-ney and can hear the Dis-A-ney fireworks from our house while watching Dis-A-ney on TV... it drives me nuts.

Posted by: kristenmary at January 3, 2006 11:07 AM

My sister refers to IHOP as HIOP. A little dyslexia going on perhaps?

Posted by: Alma at January 3, 2006 11:10 AM

my friends and i do this kind of thing for fun... we were in chicago the other day, and passed 'the house of bing" i guess it was a chinese resturant. but for the rest of the day it was 'the house of bling'... some of the ones ive heard from other people though were

"Everyone and their brother knows where i live" instead of everyone and their mother... it just was funnier because this was a female saying it.

and, someone was talking about a documentory they saw on the discovery channel about "The wreck of the Ella Fitzgerald" instead of Edmund Fitzgerald.... we still bring that one up to this day...

Posted by: hazard at January 3, 2006 11:18 AM

My mom is foreign, so I try to cut her some slack - but not too much slack, because she's been here for thirty years. She's notoriously bad with names. I came home from school one day and she commented that she had seen a preview for "Interview with a Vampire" and there was a handsome actor in it named...Blad Poop. How the hell to you get Blad Poop? It's not even a real-name-sounding thing! I now always think she's mad. Also, once when we were driving, she said, "Mrs. Rosner has gone on a new diet, she's given up all homosexuals." "Carbohydrates", I said. "Right", she said. I tried to explain to her that just because it has a similiar number of syllables doesn't mean it's the same word. Mom said, "Well, I think you should go on that diet. You know, give up all hydrocortisone." I cannot win.

Posted by: rothbeastie at January 3, 2006 11:19 AM

One time my friend and I were riding in her car when we pulled up to a crosswalk and she said "Ped Zing!" I looked at her very confused and she was like ped zing- like it says on the road I was just reading it. You know how sometimes they write Ped Xing (for pedestrian crossing- that X stands for cross) on the road? All these years she had been pronouncing the X and thought it was ZZZZZing!

Posted by: Claire at January 3, 2006 11:21 AM

My mother made a classic goof up years ago when me and my friends were over for dinner...

Hey, you guys like that weird new cartoon, Ben and Stumpy, right?

We nearly spit out our dinners with the laughter! 10 years later and it still kills any of us to mention either Ben or Stumpy. Or BenandStumpy!!

Posted by: Mark at January 3, 2006 11:23 AM

My mother is hilarious. About 8 years ago, she decided that she wanted to get involved in our church's youth group by becoming a sunday school teacher for us. We really hazed her good (my older brother and I were in the youth group at the time) because, as great as a mother she is, she went through hell reading all those old-timey names. Examples include: Exod-ee-us for "Exodus", both Abraham and Abram shared the same name (Abraham, of course), principalities was prince-of-palaties, and Calvary was Cal-va-REE (indicating uber-emphasis at the end). Let's not even get into those long, drawn out lineage chapters in the Bible that for some odd reason she felt compelled to read every now and then...

Oh yeah...possible the greatest part of all, one time she did this little activity that involved "Christian" jokes on index cards. The one I got (I've had it in my wallet for about 7 years, and I still pull it out every couple years and pick on her about it) goes as follows:

"The other two disciples joined up with a different basketball team. What were these guys called?"

"The Parables (Pair of Balls)" (meant to say Pair of Bulls, but she seemed to have a manual typo error)

Okay, not the best, but imagine reading this joke off to a lady that almost wets herself (in the urinal way) giggling over monks pulling an 18-wheeler with ropes tied to their collective wang (it was on Ripley's). No "Jokes from the Booster Seat", but still pretty hilarious.

Posted by: Cliff at January 3, 2006 11:23 AM

When I was a lad, I had 2 gerbils that used to run through the yellow, plastic tubing that my Mom referred to as "Hobbit-trail".

Posted by: JohnO at January 3, 2006 11:27 AM

I have a friend who pronounces "rabid" as "RAY-bid." Technically, it's acceptable, but it always hits my ears as pretentious.

Posted by: Nack at January 3, 2006 11:27 AM

I had a hell of a name mix-up when I was trying to impress an older college student. We were waiting for the elevator from the main English offices when I referred to Karl Marx as Richard Marx. That was the longest elevator ride I've ever taken.

Posted by: Stacia at January 3, 2006 11:29 AM

My wife accuses me of having "Chronic Lyricosis." It's a disease that involves the sufferer hearing the lyrics differently than the artist wrote them.

My most recent episode involved me hearing the words of the Alanis Moriswette song "Ironic" Which are written "...it's a death-row pardon 2 minutes too late" as "It's a death-throw hard-on 10 minutes too late."

Posted by: Bandit at January 3, 2006 11:33 AM

"Moriswette"
Oh the Irony!

Posted by: Bandit at January 3, 2006 11:34 AM

The other day, we were talking about Ingrid Bergman in Hitchcock movies, and my aunt said, "Oh, isn't her father, oh, what's his name, Edgar?" Then she started talking about you know, the one who played, oh, the one who always had a different secretary. We finally figured out she was talking about Candace Bergen... not at all related to Ingrid Bergman.

Posted by: Victoria at January 3, 2006 11:36 AM

My mother says "kyoo-pon" for "coupon". I didn't think that was weird until I moved out, and people made fun of me for saying it the wrong way.

Posted by: redhead at January 3, 2006 11:36 AM

My mom tries hard to be hip, often unsucessfully. Once when Van Halen had just replaced David Lee Roth with Sammy Hagar, she peered at a video we were watching. We listened, amazed, as she observed the difference and said "That looks like Van Halen, but that's not....Robert Plant." So close, Mom.

Also, for longer than I like to admit, I thought Chik-Fil-A was pronounced Chick Filluh.

Posted by: Janet at January 3, 2006 11:37 AM

I will never again listen to an episode of the Simpson's again with out hearing my best friends 2 year old daughter singing along with the opening credits

..."DAaaa SYMPTOMSsssssss"...

Posted by: Kursed at January 3, 2006 11:38 AM

My German father (although he has lived in the US for 45 years) often butchers English sayings. My personal favorite is "Liar liar hotpants!" instead of "Liar Liar pants on fire"

Posted by: Josh at January 3, 2006 11:39 AM

lmao "Liar liar hotpants"...think I'll start using that one :D

Posted by: Cliff at January 3, 2006 11:42 AM

My Grandmother calls the movie Romancing the Stone "Passion of the Rock" and the sequel, Jewel of the Nile "Pebble in the Water". We saw them together in the 80's, and I still haven't let her live it down.

Posted by: Carrie at January 3, 2006 11:45 AM

A few various family members pronunciations:
'I'm going to drive the Tyota, my Volkvawgen is in the shop'. 'Who the hell is Ted Nugget? His music sucks'. 'We made skaggetti for dinner'. 'Hot potatoes, hot potatoes, hot potatoes (Amadeus)'. 'No thanks, I only drink decaffimated coffee'. 'I like that Brett Pitt guy'. I have a very intelligment family.

Posted by: Brandi at January 3, 2006 11:47 AM

I had a coworker who was SO bad, that we actually made a booklet of her sayings.

Once, she had watched HBO's Real Sex. She came to work and told us of how she watched a show and "all the mens were standing around in a circle and masacated themselves until they ejected."

When she discovered a lotion she liked, she said that the name of it was, "Land O' Lakes". I finally figured out that it was Oil of Olay!

We had a whole booklet of what we affectionatly called 'Lillyisms'.

Posted by: Sleek at January 3, 2006 11:54 AM

I had a highschool science teacher from South America that would pronounce tong and THONG, and a statistics instructor who kept saying hypoSesis instead of hypothesis. So annoying.

Posted by: Kat at January 3, 2006 11:54 AM

My mom for the longest time would call Dasani water Dan-a-say

Mother in law totally mispronounces valance.

Wife while we looking for lights called a sconce a scone

Posted by: andy at January 3, 2006 11:58 AM

When I was a teenager, my best friend and I were with her mom and the video store, and her mom kept telling us to get "American Babysitter" ... which was "Adventures in Babysitting."

15 years later, we still call it "American Babysitter" and crack up.

Posted by: melissa at January 3, 2006 12:04 PM

My father in law used to watch wrestling, back when "The Rock" was still wrestling. At the time The Rock had a tag line... "If you smellll what Rock is cookin'"

My father in law consistently would screw it up by saying " Do you smell The Rock cookin' something?"

Posted by: Kristen at January 3, 2006 12:05 PM

When my friend's daughter was 3 years old she would say that her mommy's favorite soap opera was "The Young And The Rest Of Us". (The Young and The Restless)

Posted by: Chrissy at January 3, 2006 12:09 PM

While these are not movie or show titles, I feel that they fit right in.
I have a friend that has passed this onto her 3 children.. St ValentiMes Day, it is VALENTINES!
And My friend's Mom calls her favorite beer MillerS Lite. I guess Mr Miller brewed it himself.

Posted by: Jennifer at January 3, 2006 12:12 PM

The salad is probably too expensive if it uses "SIL-vered" almonds.

Also very fond of the word chaos. It's fun to encounter someone seeing it in print who has said, but never read the word (what's this? chouse?). Ditto to those attempting to type it, but not aware of its non-phonetic spelling (kayoss). Ahhh...thank you Internets for keeping English teachers in business.

Posted by: SB at January 3, 2006 12:18 PM

My Fiancé relayed that the package we ordered was late and that “Suposebly” it will be here on Wednesday and that the situation was quite “Flustrating”
Aint she just cute enough to choke :)

Posted by: JR at January 3, 2006 12:23 PM

My husband works with youth and is constantly coming home with hilarious stories of their reckless trashing of the English language. We totally use the words and phrases at home.

ie: "sandwiches" are now "sangwiches", and instead of saying "specifically" we say "pacifically".

Posted by: Mo at January 3, 2006 12:25 PM

has wash with an r come up yet? i have a friend that even spells it "worsh"

Posted by: Gabe D at January 3, 2006 12:28 PM

I too have a friend who "axes" me questions, and is "supposively" going to do this or that at a "pacific" point in time.

Drives me right up the fricking wall!

Of course, there are the childhood flubs which my family still uses...such as eating "pusketti" (delish!) and my younger brother needing to use the "brafroom" really, really bad.

My boyfriend and I also have our own language, a mix of gamer-leet and nerd-with-a-retainer. We call it "JEENEIOUS!"... involves the adding of "s"'s, "-ing"'s, and generally making ourselves annoying to those around us. Its especially funny when my mother tries to get on the "JEENEIOUS" bandwagon... good times!

Posted by: Istie at January 3, 2006 12:32 PM

In college, an adorable Spanish foreign student was in charge of the student activities, and she got up on a table in the middle of the student center one evening to announce loudly that the week's free movie would be "Wet Dreams May Come".

Posted by: Patrick at January 3, 2006 12:34 PM

In our house, a hamburger is a hangerber, ingredients are ingreediments, popcorn is porecorn, and a headache is a head-atchy. Good thing we only have dogs.

Posted by: Debbie at January 3, 2006 12:34 PM

another one i can attribute to my friends from the midwest is "Golf"...you know, "down dere in the Golf of Mexico."

my best friend notoriously mispronounces everything, and although "Joaquin Phoenix" is admittedly a tough one, after countless corrections she refuses to say his first name any other way than "Joe-A-Keen". makes me want to strangle her.

Posted by: shannon at January 3, 2006 12:35 PM

I still remember working at the public library when I was in high school. I was phoning patrons, whose book selections were available. Quickly glancing at the title, I informed a woman that her selection "Your Erogenous Zones" was in. The librarians froze & stared at me. Then one of them pointed out that the title was "Your Eroneous Zones."

Posted by: Jack at January 3, 2006 12:38 PM

This story happened at Christmas last year when my son was born on dec 18. My wife's family, including her mom, dad, brother, and sister-in-law came for a few days to celebrate his birth and of course, jesus' birth. (I secretly wished he would have been born a week later as I had gone around saying, "Hey, if it is good enough for the son of God, then it is good enough for the son of me." I'm atheist)

Anywho, the relatives were excellent. Peg nor I needed to lift a finger when it came to food preparation or housecleaning for the next week. We only had to keep Jeffrey, my son, clean and fed.

The In-Law clan worked feverishly to create a fantastic christmas dinner for all to enjoy. At one point my sister in-law-in-law stated that she was tired of slicing some sort of vegetable or another. Feeling guilty, and the actual cook of the household, I stated that she could be using the banjo in the cabinet to make the work go faster. Everyone looked confused.

"You know, the banjo slicer," I restated.

No one knew what I was talking about. I explained, "Haven't you ever watched FoodTv?" I lamented, "The chefs always have this gadget that they slide the food up and down on creating perfect slices. A Banjo!"

So I got up and pulled the thing out of the cabinet smug and triumphantly, "Here, use the banjo."

Everyone erupted into laughter. Tara, my sis-il-il said through her tears, "That's called a mandolin!"

My wife gives me sympathy laughter at most of my puns, giggles when I point out irony in the real world, but gushes tears if someone mentions ANY obscure kitchen implement.

Posted by: chris baker at January 3, 2006 12:39 PM

My mom, being the odds player she is, when playing trivial pursuit one night, named Ken Barry as EVERY answer to every acting question, and i mean EVERY answer. this guy had some acclaim on "Mayberry rfd" but but his portfolio of work is not al pacino....so being the lovable assholes WE are, we use that as our default answer to EVERY name we don't know. oh and when a musician question came up it was ALWAYS bj thomas! i'm not sure how mom came up with these icons of tv and music but i guess she sees the world just a tad bit different than the rest.

Posted by: Cables at January 3, 2006 12:39 PM

Everyone took the ones I'd say, but I have a couple left:

When people pronounce "warrior" as "woyer" or "creek" as "crick".

Posted by: JCRogers at January 3, 2006 12:42 PM

hate to double dip so this next comment will be in the form of one sentence said by my late grandmother: "wrench out your hands before you take that tylonoid, because we are about to go to walmarts.
thank you, that is all

Posted by: cables at January 3, 2006 12:43 PM

>My husband says "Chipoltnay" instead of "Chipolte" and since I corrected him he laughs<

I hate it when people say Chipolte when they mean Chipotle.

Posted by: Dana at January 3, 2006 12:43 PM

I just know that if I ever see someone type "opps" instead of "oops" in an email again, I will drive to his house and destroy his or her computer.

And when people add apostrophes wherever they damn well please. That drives me nuts. Looking at you, Twinkly.

Posted by: James at January 3, 2006 12:44 PM

My mother's husband (he is about 60yrs old) refers to Wolf Brand Chili as Chiliwolf, or a resturant they go to called Red Robin as Rockin' Robin. There are others.... to many to go on.

Posted by: Marie at January 3, 2006 12:45 PM

Oh yeah, and my mom always told me when it was time to shut off the "Intendo". I intend to shut if off soon, mom!

Posted by: James at January 3, 2006 12:46 PM

Yeah, I've noticed the "Chipolte" problem quite a bit, Dana.

Posted by: James at January 3, 2006 12:47 PM

My Mother and sister always call an onion and "onGion" Drives me crazy! Where the heck did the G come from?

Posted by: Amanda at January 3, 2006 12:48 PM

ok here goes: Chipolte instead of Chipotle. The infamous supposebly. Toysaurus instead of Toys R Us. Happy Birfday! I'd like some Shashimi (instead of sashimi). Expresso, again. Relator instead of Realtor. He axed me (didn't it hurt?)

Posted by: Nancy at January 3, 2006 12:49 PM

Instead of the more conventional "have some decorum", my Dad is fond of saying "have some decoré"... Decoré being a brand of shampoo.

Posted by: Alan at January 3, 2006 12:51 PM

to cables' grandmother's "walmarts", i raise you my grandma's "Walmark". she did frequent the local "Targets", however...

grandmas are funny.

Posted by: shannon at January 3, 2006 12:53 PM

I am guilty of having referred to P. Diddy as "P. Diddly", which I think suits him much better.

My husband's first language is not English and the fun never stops with his mispronunciations and mistakes. My favorite was his struggle to get me to understand who the "Cookie Dough Man" was. Exasperated, he finally said "You know, that white guy with the hat, he giggles when you poke his stomach." At first I thought he meant Santa Claus, but after a little more description of the guy, turned out it was the Pillsbury Dough Boy. Ah, foreigners...

Posted by: Special K at January 3, 2006 12:54 PM

I've had many a person "axe" me a question. Also, since I live in Vermont (and people don't pronounce their T's here), I have a native Vermonter friend who will swear that a Pontiac is called (and spelled) a "Ponnyack".

Posted by: Meredith at January 3, 2006 12:55 PM

My dad loves to remind me of the time, shortly after we got our first computer when I made a sign in Print Shop. I was about 12 at the time. I wanted to make a sign that said, "Quiet Please: Brain at work." But it came out as "Quiet Please: Brian at work." So my dad is always telling me to use my giant brian to figure things out.

Posted by: danny at January 3, 2006 12:56 PM

I had a physics teacher in college with a thick Korean accent who would pronounce it "phygics". And he'd say "phygical", too. Wouldn't be so bad if the word didn't come up so much.

Posted by: James at January 3, 2006 12:57 PM

My mom, as well as my friend's mom, refer to a certain Gamecube game as "Animal Crossings". Seriously. There's only one. Not several. Stop adding the "s", please.

Posted by: Sarah at January 3, 2006 12:58 PM

re: the english not being a first language thing, my good friend was trying emphatically to describe something that would totally "knock your socks off"...what he actually said was "it will blow your socks out." cracks me up to this day!

Posted by: lawgirl at January 3, 2006 1:00 PM

My 5 year old daughter refers to our new apartment as our "new re-partment" and the theater as the "fee-ah-ter." She doesn't substitute "Th" for "F/Ph" with any other words.

I am from Kansas (born and raised) and so are many of my fellow university students. I attend WASHBURN, but many of our parents, relatives and varios loved ones (also Kansan) believe we attend WARSHBURN. Apparently the word "wash" doesn't exist in the majority of Kansan's lexicons.

Posted by: Marc at January 3, 2006 1:04 PM

My mom is from Spain originally but has lived in the US of A for well over 35 years. In that time she has yet to learn the correct pronounciation of "forehead" and insists on calling it "foreignhead", which I guess in her case is true!

Posted by: deena at January 3, 2006 1:04 PM

Forgot one: I had a Korean economics professor that pronounced "sheet" unmistakably as "shit"

Posted by: Marc at January 3, 2006 1:07 PM

I can't stand it when people type "could of" instead of "could've". You know, it really grinds my gears.
Of course, I have to make fun of my mom whenever she says "fermiliar". She gets so angry, it's hilarious.
And another thing, one time me and my two friends were arguing over whether a certain phrase existed. My friend Amanda was convinced that her and I were "neck to neck" in Mario Kart. We tried to tell her that it was really "neck and neck", but she wasn't having any of it. It took multiple websites asking her if she meant "neck and neck" before she gave it up.

Posted by: Bernardo Love-Hewitt at January 3, 2006 1:10 PM

And who can forget the ever-popular, nucular. That's like nails on a chalkboard for me.

Posted by: Stan at January 3, 2006 1:13 PM

Love it when i hear grandparents talk about learning to use the "Interweb" on their computers.

Posted by: Travis at January 3, 2006 1:13 PM

My Mum says Filim instead of Film. It's only a little thing, but it drives me nuts. Plus, I tend to here it a lot, as I am a photographer. Sadly, it didn't end when I switched to digitital. I mean, come on! Digitital? i think she's doing in on purpose now.

Posted by: Cory at January 3, 2006 1:16 PM

I work under a Director of Billing Operations who publicly states that we can provide an "electronical" invoice.

Posted by: Brian at January 3, 2006 1:17 PM

One time my little brother and I came home and found our older brother in the basement drinking alone. He was playing 007 Goldeneye for N64. He was already so tipsy that he kept calling the Sniper Rifle a Snifer Riple...it has remained that to this day.

Posted by: Shanna at January 3, 2006 1:20 PM

I hate when people say "warsh", as in "I'm going to warsh my clothes" or "Let me just warsh my hands first". When they say it, I ask them to pronounce the first president of the US's name, George WASHington, which they always get right. So then I ask them, "OK, if George WASHington had to clean his dishes, what would he be doing with them?" And they always reply smartly, "He's warshing 'em."

Posted by: Heywood at January 3, 2006 1:25 PM

i was about 9, and my family was playing trivial pursuit at a family friend's house, who also had a 9 year old (my best friend). my family is catholic, and the other family is methodist.... the question comes to the methodist family: "what is the name of the current pope?" They can't think of the answer offhand, but their 9-year-old daughter yells out "I know!! Isn't it POPE PER-EE??" (as in potpourri, the delightfully smelling concoction).

Another game mishap.... while playing charades at a Polish friend's house, the Polish family got "polish" as the word to act out.... instead of miming the polishing of a shoe or a table, the started pointing emphatically at all the people of Polish descent in the room- nobody knew what the hell they were trying to say.

Posted by: jen at January 3, 2006 1:27 PM

My mom used to work for Hallmark restocking cards at various stores. She worked with an older guy who called the Harry Potter cards "Harold Porter cards", and the Maya Angelou cards "Myrna Angelo". Ofra would be pissed.

Posted by: Adam at January 3, 2006 1:29 PM

when i was about 5 i confused the hell out of my parents by asking for a "can opener bed." they were so confused by my request that they had to take me to a furniture store to figure out what i meant. when i ran up to the bed of my dreams and pointed they looked at each other and said, "OH! A CANOPY Bed!" I'm 29 and they still tease me about it.

Posted by: d. at January 3, 2006 1:30 PM

My dad drove me nuts when I was a kid, because he would pronounce the letter M as "elm" not "emm," so I had no idea what he was talking about when he would refer to "Elm" when discussing the alphabet-- a tree? huh? He also to this day pronounces the W in sword, which is a bit amusing as well.

Posted by: Steve at January 3, 2006 1:31 PM

Oh yeah, and my wife calls Popeye "Pupeye" and my cousin wrote a story for school about her summer vacation involving a cruise my family took. She wrote that my grandfather had found a "cuticle hair" in his water on the first night. What he actually had said was he found what he thought was a pubic hair. Ah, the young and innocent. What a vacation!

Posted by: Adam again at January 3, 2006 1:35 PM

My chem teacher can't pronounce a thing:

"The other day, I saw Tree (3) yuge trees just sittin trere. That's the nature of the beast."

Posted by: seymour bibbons at January 3, 2006 1:38 PM

My mother in law pronounces "ancient" as "anxcient" and insists that it is spelled in that manner. She also pronounces the "O" in opossum. Oh, and she calls your "Crotch", your "crouch". HAHAH

Posted by: Amy at January 3, 2006 1:39 PM

Another one here.. Instead of Crayon people Crown. There is a huge difference............ and for all those out there that experience the WORSH instead of wash, I understand. my mother used to ask me and my sister to empty the dishworsher.. UGH!

Posted by: Jennifer again.. at January 3, 2006 1:41 PM

rothbeastie - too funny!

My (native to Amsterdam) mother when my dad cut down a small tree in our yard, "LUMBER!!"

My old roommate always refered to some episode of "Law and Order: SUV," instead of 'SVU.'

Posted by: TheIdleReceptionist at January 3, 2006 1:43 PM

My aunt really liked to eat at the neighborhood "lesbian" (more commonly know as Lebanese) restaurant. My grandma, however, preferred "Chick-A-Fil".

Posted by: elleninha at January 3, 2006 1:44 PM

My mom is the queen of coming up with those. back in the day it was "party of nine"

But these days, my favorite of all, though non-movie related, is when she asks me to pass the "you can't think that it's not butter"

Posted by: Ashley at January 3, 2006 1:45 PM

My dad once referred to "Free Willy" as "Play it again Willy".

Posted by: JCM at January 3, 2006 1:46 PM

My mom always reminds me of my little misnomer on a family roadtrip when I was 5.

As we drove past Mt. Lassen (an inactive volcano in the Northwest), "Look, mommy, a bolcano that's not interrupting!"

Posted by: TheIdleReceptionist at January 3, 2006 1:48 PM

Son calls the theater a vid-e-er not sure why he has done it since he was 3 and is 6 now.

Posted by: andy at January 3, 2006 1:49 PM

My boyfriend pronounces Ben Affleck with the same intonation as Bela Fleck, so it becomes Bena Fleck.

Posted by: Martha at January 3, 2006 1:52 PM

Grandpa says sleemp instead of sleep I don't understand why.

Posted by: andy at January 3, 2006 1:54 PM

One of my favorites comes from my Dad who labelled a video "Dancing With Wolves" instead of "Dances With Wolves."

My wife often refers to the pamphlets she gets in the mail as "pamplets" which to me sounds like a little baby fart or something.

Then there's my grandparents who have a whole dialect all their own. A couch became a "counch", suitcases are "grips", and as far as I know water fountains in Wisconsin are all called "bubblers".

Posted by: Doug at January 3, 2006 1:56 PM

My mom always asks me how the ski-boarding on the mountiain was and refers to a western store called Gunnies as Goonies. Can't help but picture Sloth as the cashier whenever I drive by the place.

Posted by: Jo at January 3, 2006 2:00 PM

My Grandmother called a store's "doorbuster" sale the "ballbuster" sale. Funniest thing I've ever heard.

Posted by: Nick at January 3, 2006 2:01 PM

I had someone tell me not to feed salmon (the fish) to your pets because they would get salmonella poisoning.

Posted by: Ann at January 3, 2006 2:04 PM

I am still laughing about the calamari olives.

My daughter was watching Little House on the Prairie one day on the Hallmark Channel, which seems to run nothing except commercials for wheelchair scooter thingies, prescription insurance, and life insurance. In fact, Gerber advertises their "Gerber Life Grow-Up Plan For Children" on there regularly.

My daughter turned to me and asked why people would want a throw-up plan for their kids.

Posted by: Mir at January 3, 2006 2:05 PM

My freshman room mate in college (not a native English speaker) came home drunk one night and declared that he had been drinking either "long or short island iced-teas." He couldn't recall which. I still get a chuckle whenever I hear someone order a long island.

Posted by: Vladdie at January 3, 2006 2:14 PM

The mother of one of my friend once recorded "Dancer in the Dark", you know the film with the actress, "Borg" (I think she meant Björk).

Can you imagine Dancer in the Dark with the Borg character from Star Trek ?

Posted by: Fel-X at January 3, 2006 2:25 PM

HAhaha...Vladdie.

My friend's Bosnian boyfriend referred to ear-muffs as, "ear-muffins."


Last one, I swear!

Posted by: TheIdleReceptionist at January 3, 2006 2:27 PM

Here in the Southwest, there is a popular hot sauce named Tapatio (with an accent over the "i").

It is prounounced as "TAH-PAH-TEE-YO" (with an emphasis on the "TEE"). My stepmother, however, always pronounces it as "TAH-PATIO", as in "patio furniture".

Since my father is Mexican, he and the rest of my family never fail to give her grief about it:

"Hey, it's nice outside, let's go sit on TAH-PATIO!"

"Don't let the dog onto TAH-PATIO chairs!"

Posted by: Pete at January 3, 2006 2:32 PM

It does bother me when people of the African-American persuasion drink ernge juice.

Posted by: Amazon at January 3, 2006 2:43 PM

me and my friends think we are "sessy" after my speech impediment got in the way

Posted by: petra at January 3, 2006 2:46 PM

A running joke in my family is the time my sister tried cheating on this dictionary game we have (I think it is called Blurt). The point of the game is to describe the word on your card to other people and have them guess what it is. She looked at the next card and passed it on to the next person. The word was "colonel". When the next person starts describing the word as a "ranking officer in..." she yells out "colonial". Haha, what a way to get caught cheating. Ten years later and we still don't let her live it down.

Posted by: Austin at January 3, 2006 2:46 PM

oh and when i was younger i used to sing "don't go jason waterfall!" to the TLC song. it was a common mistake among children ok!!

Posted by: petra at January 3, 2006 2:48 PM

My all-time favorite has to be the East Texas renditions of the very hub of their existence. . . WALMART
Here are a few:
Walsmart
Walmarts (as in "I'm going to the walmarts to get me some lone star and shiner. yuntsome?")
Walt's Mart
but of course we all know how to really pronounce it
"Wally World!"

Posted by: TwoFedoras at January 3, 2006 2:50 PM

My brother once asked for "Mousetrap" the game. Mum went out looking for "Frog in the Pond" and came back with "Toad in the Hole". Go fig.

Posted by: Moggity at January 3, 2006 2:50 PM

My dad's like that. Except it's more with common words.

Adhesive is not pronounced how most people say it. My dad actually says the "d". "AD-he-sive".

Citgo, the gas station?

It's referred to as "Zitgo". because that's what he says. And he has no clue what you're talking about unless you say "zitgo".

Gazebo? Nonoo. "Gezbo".

My friend Peter's dad can't pronounce "Merlot" [like the wine]. Instead of "mer-lo", it's "mer-lot". With the T.


Fathers are crazy. [[rolls eyes]]

Posted by: Jo at January 3, 2006 2:52 PM

Speaking of misheard lyrics, I thought that song "informer" by pre-eminem white guy SNOW was about a dairy farmer
"Farmer, I see you got a couple a cows in your barn. I'll milk your moo-moo cow."

Posted by: TwoFedoras at January 3, 2006 2:52 PM

After an unfortunate attempt to say beef stroginoff turned into Beef a strokin' off, we hereby have dubbed the dish "Happy Cow"

Posted by: TwoFedoras at January 3, 2006 2:55 PM

A friend used to {purposely} piss off bartenders [etc] by saying stupid stuff like: "You know I am the biggest fan in the world of that kids' movie...Henry Porter...." just to watch them lose their minds.

Posted by: lindsay at January 3, 2006 3:01 PM

Did anyone mention "sammich" for sandwich yet? I'm sick of hearing stupid Jared from Subway say that. "They don't make the sammiches, you do."

Posted by: Doug at January 3, 2006 3:10 PM

i just read down a little on the board {i posted the above without bothering to read anyone else's....**cough} and can add a few pet peeve-ey ones: [i should note that, to me, these are WAY more than pet-peeves: i have thrown people out of bars; ranted, raved, and in general lost my shit over these--ergh...getting angry just thinking...must...write.....quickly.....]
**Nuclear is NOT New-Cue-Lar
**Regardless of what you're trying to say: 'IR-regardless is NOT a word!!
**Supposedly is NOT Sup-Pose-uh-Blee!!
**Realty..for god's sake...is NOT Ree-Luh-tee.
geez
So there. Dammit.

Posted by: lindsay at January 3, 2006 3:13 PM

My stepmother refers to people from Mexico as "wetbacks." Drives me totally crazy!

Posted by: Oskar at January 3, 2006 3:20 PM

An old boyfriend of mine used to say "I can't PHANTOM that idea." Yeah, he sure couldn't. He also thought that keeping a household was called "domestivity" and, for some reason, that "trepidation" meant flatulence.

Another friend, talking about a mutual acquaintance, once told me "He's very good at his job. He's really inept." "Don't you mean 'adept'?" I asked her. "No, he's INEPT! He's really good at it!" She was full of those...I wish I could remember more.

Posted by: Cake at January 3, 2006 3:23 PM

I was giving a Star Wars-themed presentation in history last year, and my friend scribbled in my notebook "Death Vader". I laughed in her face, but it made me sad.

Posted by: Nhi at January 3, 2006 3:28 PM

Okay, I've got a couple.
I'm at work and need to access a coworker's laptop in a hurry, so I ask for her password. She yells out sesame seed. SO I type it a few times...nope, it's not working. Finally I get her to come over and do it herself...and she proceeds to type "sesameed" . Me:Oh, I thought you said sesame SEED. Her: I did. Sesameed seeds.
My mother and father both say Warsh, Warshington...and I got made fun of in second grade for saying it too!!!
I love foreign people who can't quite get sayings right. I used to have a boss from Polond who instead of refering to someone "breathing down your neck" would saying "jumping down my throat".
My favorite is people who use the term 'money shot' COMPLETELY in the wrong context!! (or at least from my understanding of the phrase).
"Okay, everybody get in really close to grandma. We are going for the money shot on this one"

Posted by: yomama at January 3, 2006 3:31 PM

My mother-in-law always called everybody's favorite animated yellow family "The Symptoms" -- which is probably really profound, in some way or other...

Posted by: hipdadiddy at January 3, 2006 3:40 PM

My grandma is convinced that "Reverend Blue Jeans" is a song by Neil Diamond.

Posted by: Julia at January 3, 2006 3:40 PM

My American Government teacher always says "Electorial" as in "Electorial College" instead of "electoral." it drives me nuts!

Posted by: Drew at January 3, 2006 3:44 PM

When I was a kid, I told people that my baby sister was about to get "bap-a-tized".

My mother calls a local restaurant McCormick and Schilling (both spices) instead of the correct "McCormick and Shmick".

I have a coworker that says Jessica MAC Clintock (with lots of emphasis to show you that she's pronouncing it correctly) instead of McClintock.

My sister used to Paul Nailish her fingernails.

Posted by: Rebecca at January 3, 2006 3:45 PM

My redneck friend once tried to say something was "gut busting", as in really funny, but instead she said "but gusting". This of course, made it truly hilarious.

Posted by: loriah at January 3, 2006 3:50 PM

Just thought of one more...my physics TA in college would quiz us on the for-MOO-la for velocity. That provided many laughs in an otherwise boring class. For-moo-la. Ha!

Posted by: Rebecca at January 3, 2006 3:55 PM

I'm from Memphis and used to work around a lot of people that would speak like this:

Let me "axe" you a question. Is the copier "broke"? Let me know "on" tomorrow.

(I think the "on tomorrow" thing is a regional thing. The other two I've seen many places, but they all make me want to kill... or is it "kee-al?")

Posted by: Memphis at January 3, 2006 3:55 PM

Once you start thinking of these, they won't stop coming...

One of my all time favorites: the guide who wound up our tour of Death Valley Scotty's Castle by treating us to a recording of Beethoven's beautiful "Moonlight Sinatra".

Posted by: hipdadiddy at January 3, 2006 3:58 PM

I grew up outside of Pittsburgh, PA, which was pronounced Pixburg by the locals. People used an "arn" to iron clothes after they were "warshed", and used "patterens" to cut out shapes. My neighbor also said "chimbley" for chimney, and yes, everyone pronounced gyros "j-eye-ros". My favorite is the suburb called Versailles, which is pronounced "Versayles" by the natives! OMG! Thankfully, my parents didn't speak the vernacular, and I am blissfully able to blend into any midwestern crowd without too may weird pronunciations.

Posted by: Julie at January 3, 2006 3:59 PM

My aunt from New York told us to 'nook' things, as in nooking (nuking) pasta for lunch. My sister says pacific for specific. My mom does all sorts of weird things, but I can't remember any right now. Also, I am from Connecticut, and I have only met one person who said melk and pellow. And it bugs me to no end, so much so that we have forbidden that person to use those words.

Posted by: kenzi at January 3, 2006 4:01 PM

My mom enjoys freshly grated par-may-zee-uhn cheese on her eye-talian food. Yummm sketti . . .

Posted by: kerry at January 3, 2006 4:06 PM

I pronounce orange as "aw-range", what with being from Massachusetts and all. I have lived in Vermont for something like five years and still can't say it "right".

Posted by: Denn at January 3, 2006 4:08 PM

OH! and there was the time Dad order a Penut Butter Barfait from Dairy Queen.

Posted by: Kerry at January 3, 2006 4:08 PM

My grandma or Vovo as I call her, is Brazilian. She sings "My Bonnie" as "My Bunny"
Told my 3 year old sister she was "as cute as a butt" and not a button.
And always insists on calling me Daniella instead of Danielle.

Posted by: Danielle Willis at January 3, 2006 4:13 PM

I remember the time when a friend of mine's grandmother asked if he was going out to play "happy sock" (hacky sack).

Posted by: Compmouse at January 3, 2006 4:20 PM

this would be a little more acceptable if it wasn't one of their favorite movies, but my mom and dad refer to:
"Oh Brother, Where Art Thou"? as
"Oh Brother, Where for Out Thar"

Posted by: kasie at January 3, 2006 4:20 PM

My friend Cyndi is convinced that the Japanese mob (the Yakuza) are the "Ya-ka-zu-ka". She also loves "Marga-tinis" when we go out drinking.

Posted by: Danicus at January 3, 2006 4:23 PM

Oh! thought of another. My eighth grade science teacher always wanted "us peebos" (us peoples) to "calcalate the pobalation by mobication" (calculate the population by multiplication)

Posted by: Danicus at January 3, 2006 4:26 PM

My mom used to pronounce INXS like "inks".

Posted by: speedymarie at January 3, 2006 4:27 PM

one of my frienda (who tends to make up her own words all the time ) said that she wanted to do more stuff on a "whimsical" for example "i think we should go to vegas on a whimsical dont you think it would be fun?"

Posted by: Mallory at January 3, 2006 4:28 PM

My mother says "JenniVer" instead of "JenniFer."

In the southern town I grew up in I heard lots of references to "Wal-Marks," "grind meat," and "intendo."

Another pet peeve of mine is when someone says he is going to "warsh" his car.

I was also chided by classmates as a youngster for not saying "ketch" instead of "catch."

Posted by: hage at January 3, 2006 4:34 PM

Mom calls my dog Phantom, Phanthom, so now we call him that. She shops at Kmarts and eats Stoofels Mac & Cheese.

Posted by: Jody at January 3, 2006 4:44 PM

When I was young I made plastic model cars. While on a family trip I saw a lot of signs along the highway and asked my father what a motel (pronounced motl) was. I never lived that one down.

Posted by: Taylor at January 3, 2006 4:46 PM

my ex-girfriend's grandfather once told me his favorite beatle was pink floyd. "you know, the long-haired one."

Posted by: Joe at January 3, 2006 4:49 PM

Also, the wreck of the "F. Scott Fitzgerald" (thanks for reminding me, Hazard!)

Posted by: Danicus at January 3, 2006 4:51 PM

don't know if it's already been mentioned but my mother says EG-ZELerator instead of accelerator. drives me insane....

Posted by: Jason at January 3, 2006 4:52 PM

"Pacific" instead of "specific" really irritates me, theres a woman at work who does it.

Another guy at work says "dateth" instead of date

Typos are funny. I crack up everytime I think about this particular one. Someone posted on a forum I was browsing how "unborganised" they were, of course meaning how unorganised they were. I told my partner who is a Star Trek fan and its become a word we use quite regularly

Posted by: Anna at January 3, 2006 4:53 PM

My mother may one day need to attend a fruneral in Falorida, but some one will need to feed the gerbel.

A Belly danceing instructor asked for Pen-A-Lope every time she took attendence.

No, the Butternick patterns are not on sale.

And apparently, I am guilt of randomly alternating between "as" and "has" both in speach and writing.

Posted by: liz at January 3, 2006 5:04 PM

My mother-in-law often confuses the word anus for anise. As in "is the anus flavor too strong in these cookies?"

Posted by: Amy at January 3, 2006 5:11 PM

Welp, many christmases ago our father would anxiously call us in to watch "Frosty the Snowshoe". We've never let him live it down, and frankly, he has no idea what we're talking about. My sister reminds me how our heavy accented mum would let us know that "Zeinfeld" would be on and we had better get our salads. Oh and back in the day She would also hound us that Jack Palanchov (yes, he was apparantly a Russian) was going to be on "Belove it or not" with a great shtory.
I"m shorry if this offends anyone.

Cheers
Alex

Posted by: Alex Z at January 3, 2006 5:15 PM

My family messes up what we're trying to say all the time, I swear I once said "The Yongest Lard." While making fun of the show "Walker: Texas Ranger" my mother slipped up and said "Tekker: Walkis ranger."

Posted by: Chase Alvins at January 3, 2006 5:18 PM

My best friend's Mom:

"The Man Who WAS There" (for the movie The Man Who Wasn't There)

"I like this Nevermore!" (for the liquor Everclear)

She's also quite talented at expounding accidental double entendres such as:

(While referring to people putting on weight as they age) "Men usually get it in the stomach area, and women tend to get it in the ass!"

Posted by: Crystal at January 3, 2006 5:20 PM

My boyfriend and I were apparently taking too long to pick out candy at a convenience store because the clerk walked up to us and visibly shaken, said "What are you guys doing? You're...you're solicitating!" I couldn't help blurting out "Solicitating? Don't you mean loitering?" Poor guy probably just got robbed or something.

Posted by: no-tact tig at January 3, 2006 5:20 PM

I had a conversation in High School with a girl who described her dream car as a Vulva (Volvo). I thought about correcting her, but then I liked the idea of her liking Vulvas.

I had a roomate once who fancied herself as quite the worldly person, but being from Rhode Island, didn't quite qualify. We were standing in the kitchen once, me, her and an Italian friend of hers. We were making Gnocchi, and she would repeatedly pronounce it NYEE-nyo-kee, all the while the Italian stood silently enduring the horrible mispronounciation. When I attempted to correct her by saying NYA-kee, she said "you mean NYEE-nyo-kee".

Riiiiight.

Posted by: Dave at January 3, 2006 5:32 PM

I remember my sister once thinking that people from Holland were refered to as: Hollandiers!

So, then Dutch people must be from "Dutchland".

Posted by: airplayne at January 3, 2006 5:48 PM

friend of mine used to work at the movies.. when armageddon was playing someone called in and asked what time "are-MEGA-don" was playing.

and also, my dad likes to refer to any man-made graphics (painting, drawing or whatever) as "art-drawings"..

Posted by: copeland at January 3, 2006 6:00 PM

My mom was born and did most of her growing up in the Phillipines. She learned english there and for all intents and purposes learned it very well. Except she tends to over enunciate and can occasionally be led astray effortlessly.

We were visiting relatives in Texas one year and stopped in at a McDonalds for some lunch. We had been having a fun ol' time mangling the names of the menu items while figuring out what we wanted for lunch. Mom steps up to the counter and orders:

wahn (one) ten piece chicken McDropplet...
two Brutalizers...( a local burger joint back home had something called a "Big Brute)
And two Burger Kings.

Until then, I never knew a Texan could actually *stare* with an accent.

Posted by: Soylent at January 3, 2006 6:00 PM

When I was a kid, everyone would laugh at me when I asked who Addle was. They only kept telling me we were going to Seattle.

My ex-boyfriend loved Pink Chocolate (Strawberry Quik)

While browsing in the cosmetics aisle, my husband asked why someone would need a product for Sun Decoration (skin discoloration)

And my father, King of the Malaprop, is a huge fan of Clancy Thomas (Tom Clancy) and couldn't wait to see Woody Harrison (Harrison Ford) in "A Clear and Present Stranger"

Posted by: Deedee at January 3, 2006 6:04 PM

Recent slip of the tongue by a colleague:
"My grandmother, bless her hole..."

Posted by: David at January 3, 2006 6:06 PM

A wonderful woman who cleaned house for my mother's parents had some good ones. She would describe people as being "So fisticated", and once asked if anyone knew a "Notary Republican" who could stamp a document.

Posted by: RockL at January 3, 2006 6:08 PM

i think it's an aussie thing but i detest it when people 'arks' me things...

Posted by: Jason at January 3, 2006 6:10 PM

My mother-in-law shops at Lowells (instead of Lowes) and often heads on down to Walmarts.

It is hard not to laugh at her. The first time she said Lowells I thought it was a local hardware store or something.

Posted by: Tricia at January 3, 2006 6:13 PM

I don't know if this here is an issue of correct pronunciation or not. The problem I have with it is simply that I never heard it said that way before and it sounds a little pretentious. I could be wrong in thinking so, or maybe not. Whatever the case, these people are otherwise very nice:

There is a relatively new museum here in New York City, the Rubin Museum. It specializes in artifacts, religion, and culture from Tibet and surrounding areas. Now, I was raised to pronounce that region the HimiLAYan Mountains, but all the geniuses at the museum pronounce it HimiLIEyan. It sounds ridiculous but I don't know who's being the stickler here, me or them.

Also, my sister used to mispronounce the song "Deck the Halls" when she was a very small child. "Deck the halls with boughs of holly, FUDDLE-LUDDLE-LA, DUH, DUH, DUH DUH!" That was adorable.

But this thread is supposed to be about mixing up names more than anything else, and I'm not remembering any at the moment, even though I know I've heard a few. I'll have to put it on the "backburner" and see if I remember any later on.

Reading these contributions was most amusing!

Posted by: Erika at January 3, 2006 6:14 PM

My grandmother normally has a very good grasp on pronunciation, but one word she cannot say is BANANA. She says BEE-AN-AHH.

Also, I work at a pretty trendy restaurant and STILL many "sophisticated" clients say EXPRESSO instead of ESPRESSO.

Last, I once worked abroad in London at the Texas Lonestar Saloon and the poor brits would butcher the tex mex pronunciation...here are just a few examples:

Guacamole = GUACK A MOAL
Quesadilla = Kwaysa Dill AH
Chipotle = Chip lot lee

Though those accents were still so charming!

Posted by: Angela at January 3, 2006 6:17 PM

"yeah, and I'm Cindy Low-per"

Posted by: edam at January 3, 2006 6:18 PM

I had a friend that used to call a girl Moses all the time. I asked her why one day, and she said, "because she is slow as Moses!".

I kid you not!

Posted by: Dude at January 3, 2006 6:19 PM

Also, two things I hate more than anything are:

1. When people use the word anymore in the positive sense. (I go to the movies a lot anymore.)

2. I could care less. (Really? That makes no bloody sense!)

Posted by: Dude at January 3, 2006 6:22 PM

Oh, duh! There is a big one I didn't remember right away because the memory is so traumatizing that I keep repressing it!! That's right, a PSYCHO misnomer. I still haven't lived this one down, and if you've seen the way that certain pre-teen boys during the 1980s idolized various rock stars (and I'm sure they still do) then you'll have an idea of the insult I accidentally got myself into:

When I was a kid I knew the Beatles as John, Paul, George, and Ringo and of course I'd heard all their songs (sometimes on Muzak! in stores!). But I wasn't so knowledgable, or old enough to be obssessed even if I wanted to be, to know their last names. So......

When John Lennon was assassinated, I confused him with Jack Lemon. Everyone in the 6th grade was talking about the tragedy and genuinely sad about it, and I really stuck my foot in my mouth by saying, "I just don't understand why you people are so upset! Sure, Some Like It Hot was a funny movie, but it wasn't THAT good. Grow up and get over it!!" Those prepube boys just turned around and trained a collective withering stare on me that will always make me feel physically uncomfortable whenever I recall it.

Posted by: Erika at January 3, 2006 6:23 PM

Also, two things I hate more than anything are:

1. When people use the word anymore in the positive sense. (I go to the movies a lot anymore.)

2. I could care less. (Really? That makes no bloody sense!)

Posted by: Dude at January 3, 2006 6:24 PM

I've got a few. A co-worker famous for things like this once told us that she was out because she had bronchitis in her ankle. She really had bursitis.

To my step-dad: Al Pacino will forever be known as that El Camino guy, the leafy plant hasta is hoe-sta, and the Jewish holiday is Chane-ikka.

My grandmother loved the TV show Chikargo Hope, instead of Chicago Hope. Camera film is cemra filim. And apparently I live on Elim street, not Elm street. She's also a big fan of Dun Junsun (Don Johnson).

Posted by: Van at January 3, 2006 6:26 PM

Also, the "Daunserly Light," a mystical locale somewhere close to heaven and not unlike the Elysian Fields of Ancient Greece.

That is "the dawn's early light" in "The Star Spangled Banner," and I know I'm not the only kid who was confused about that one because I read something or another by an author who was probably speaking for a LOT of little kids in doing so.

Years later, one of my best "performance art" (borderline insane) friends and I put together this skit about an opposite imaginary realm, or state of being. The schizophrenic "RED GLARE." We'd just fool around with words and speak in ridiculous tones of voice like puppets or cartoon characters and chant, "RED GLARE! RED GLARE! RED GLARE!" as a way of saying "Danger!" (and implying certain parts of the subhuman anatomy) until we'd fall down on the floor laughing. Okay, no more drunkenness and/or insanity from yours truly. I feel better now. Really.

Posted by: Erika at January 3, 2006 6:29 PM

my mom is big on not saying stuff right. shes a big fan of spicy foods, so anything with "chipoltey" (in my mom's pheonetics) is always a good place to start. continuing her foreign food love affair, she can never pass up a good plate of gyros (pronounced 'gyro', rather than the almost completely recognized and used 'euro' pronounciation)

around the house with my grandma, our living room has transformed into a fronchroom (rahter than front room) and after dinner us kids must "warsh" the dishes

Posted by: colin at January 3, 2006 6:30 PM

Orca Winfrey.

Posted by: J. Stamos at January 3, 2006 6:31 PM

Erika,

I read that post somewhere else, I'm sure of it. Have you posted that story before?

Posted by: Dude at January 3, 2006 6:39 PM

Hah. Mah nayum is Bee Jay Studburg and Ahm a Jeweesh adubee briyuck layer frum tech's ass, and ah'd lahke to give y'all a lessun in Franch, the langidge of luhhhhv. Are'ye reddy? Repeat aftuh me:

"BONjur MONseeYUR. Come. Ont. Al. Lays VOOZ, oh J-your DEWIE?"

Oh, Ahm verruh FAHN, thank'yee. Thet's TEXAN FRANCH and donch YOO fugeet id!

Posted by: B. J. Studberg at January 3, 2006 6:41 PM

My Mother-in-Law always shops at Wal-Mark!!!

Posted by: incredibledrew at January 3, 2006 6:43 PM

This right here is a misnaming in progress. See, there's an actual term for hearing the lyrics of pop songs incorrectly but except for a vague recollection I don't remember what it is. So I'll just call the phenomenon "Green Mondrian" and wait to be corrected by one of you who does remember it right.

My favorite Green Mondrian is "blinded by the light, lit up like a douchebag in the middle of the night." I knew there was no possible way this could be hearing it correctly and I mentioned it to an acquaintance, who was totally convinced that this in fact was the lyric as written. Of course she was wrong, but "deuce" doesn't make much more sense, if you ask me.

Some guy wrote two or three books about it, and I believe he has a website too. Hilarious.

Posted by: Festress at January 3, 2006 6:46 PM

i go to a buddhist temple where i learn vietnamese and buddhist stories and such

the older people there have heavy accents when they speak in english

the first time i was told to pick up my 'pack-pack' it was very confusing

Posted by: -------- at January 3, 2006 6:56 PM

Festress,

The most well known "Green Mondrian" (heh), is probably "Excuse me while I kiss this guy." (The sky).

Posted by: Dude at January 3, 2006 6:56 PM

Festress,

The most well known "Green Mondrian" (heh), is probably "Excuse me while I kiss this guy." (The sky).

Posted by: Dude at January 3, 2006 6:57 PM

Rothbeastie, I came very close to having an aneurism reading your post, it was so funny. Thanks. I needed that. The belly laugh not the auneurism.

Posted by: DemonNinger at January 3, 2006 6:59 PM

Sorry for the double posts. Someone keeps microwaving downstairs and it is killing the ol' wifi.

Posted by: Dude at January 3, 2006 7:00 PM

A friend of mine once, after some amusing coincidence or another, once remarked "Well, you know what they say, 'all minds think alike!'" Needless to say, that's now the favorite saying of everyone who was present.

Posted by: Jak at January 3, 2006 7:10 PM

My fiancé's entire family refers to the grocery store "SafeWay" as "SafeWay's" with an s. It might just be an Oregon store... but its really annoying!

"Supposably" bugs me too!!!!!

I am also thoroughly annoyed by Flusterating, or Fustrating, instead of frustrating

Posted by: Annette at January 3, 2006 7:35 PM

In the 1970s Dad wanted to know if we were going to watch Battleship Galactica.

A despite driving by thousands of the yellow Subway signs, he liked to stop off at "Sub-n-Such" for a 6" meatball sandwich.

Thanks for the memories, Pops.

Posted by: LazyMF at January 3, 2006 7:37 PM

I thought of something else...

My mother is originially from Michigan (as am I, but I only lived there until I was 5, so didn't get the crazy linguistic influence she has) and apparently there are some strange regional pronounciations.

Robots = robutts
Gums = gooms
Mom = Mah (very nasal)
People who live in the L.P. (Lower Pennisula) are called "trolls" cause they live beneath the Mackinac (pronounced Mackinaw) Bridge.
And Uppers (pronouced Youppers) say something very, strange. When asking if you'd like to go someplace with them, they will ask "You want to go with? We go side by each".

Hand to God.

Posted by: Istie at January 3, 2006 7:38 PM

When people say mute rather that moot [point]. I wish they would stay mute.

Posted by: chip at January 3, 2006 7:43 PM

A friend's small child, learning the anatomical names for male and female body parts, asked her Grandma if she had a vulva. The Grandma paused, and said "No, I have a Subaru".
Back in the 80's my young son called a popular tv show "Your Ami Vice" instead of the more commonly known "Miami Vice".

Posted by: Susan at January 3, 2006 7:45 PM

At my last job the fire alarm would go off for no reason. A coworker of mine attributed this to "moistment" in the wiring.

12 yr old neighbor kid down the street sees me outside working on my car and stops to chat. He tells me that he's thinking of breaking up with his girlfriend because she's too much of a prune.

Posted by: jamis at January 3, 2006 7:46 PM

I was at the counter of a gas station when a 80 yr lady walked up to the counter and asked " Where the CONDOMS at?" both the clerk and myself looked her and cocked our heads like the unbelieving puppy as she repeated "Where are the CONDOMS at." It was only then that we realized she had a Hot Dog in her hand and was looking for the Ketchup and Mustard for said Hot Dog.

Posted by: KAT at January 3, 2006 7:54 PM

i definately said "poking smot" instead of "smoking pot"

and "liding the right lail" (riding the light rail)

i may or may not be dyslexic

Posted by: aleeeeesa at January 3, 2006 8:02 PM

My mother is a big fan of the Hugh Grant movie "What About a Boy,", the Harrison Ford thriller, "What Lies Beneath It" and she especially loves "Law and Order: SUV."

Posted by: McMop at January 3, 2006 8:05 PM

When my friend's younger brother was 6 years old, he said "cell-a-phone" instead of "cellphone." He mixed "telephone" with "cellphone" (incase you didn't get that). So now we all call our cellphones "cellaphones"

Posted by: Jess at January 3, 2006 8:08 PM

So a long time ago when I was still golfing, my dad, my uncles, my grandpa and I were doing a round of 18 holes. There is a creek running down the middle of hole 5's fairway and my Grandpa gets himself stuck in the creek under the bridge. When he finds it he remarks that "this looks like a big mother martha shot." Of course slaughtering the brand name of Big Bertha.

Posted by: DrewDavid at January 3, 2006 8:13 PM

I had some goodies happen during my sophmore year in High School.

My World History teacher would refer to Railroads as "RAY-roads," this coming from a man with a PhD

My health teacher also liked to pronounce pamphlets as "PAMP-plets"

I had a friend who's nephew was like 4-5 and he was learning his ABCs, well when he got down to L-M-N-O-P, he couldnt pronounce or couldnt remember those letters so in the end whenever he got to the song it was. "ABCD......K-Watermelon-P"

A funny mixed up though that we never let our friend live out is this one time during our nutrition break, my other friend had gotten a hold of those old 70s reflective sunglasses. So then our friend comes over and like is all fired up and confident and goes and shouts, "JOHNNY ESTRADA!" and we're like :| what? and he's like you know, the guy from CHIPS...and we're like, "Dude you mean ERIK Estrada?" and he's like "Whatever" so everytime we see him we shout, "JOHNNY ESTRADA!" Though as of late he claims he mixed it up because there was this Spanish Soap Opera called,"Dos Mujeres, Un Camino" (Two women, one road/way/path) where Erik Estrada played this guy named Johnny, you know now that I think about it.. it was a good Novela, very popular...

Posted by: Largore at January 3, 2006 8:20 PM

As a teacher, I encounter so many gramatical hilarities in a given day from students. For instance, they always say ValentiMe's Day (so I say that now, too, of course). Even third graders still say that sometimes.

I HATE expresso and exspecially, which I think is a southcentral PA thing. We're a bunch of hicks.

Best one I can remember that my best friend and I are still quoting is from a high school friend's mom. Back in the day, we were hanging out there, and since my best friend was at the time heading to college to study Spanish, this guy's mom had to give us her opinions about why it was so great that my best friend would be "bilingral". She must have said it 18 times in the course of her monologue.

We still call it being bilingral.

Posted by: Rusty at January 3, 2006 8:24 PM

I can't believe more people aren't bothered by "axe a question", instead of ask! My body won't even let me say it in imitation!

Posted by: max at January 3, 2006 8:25 PM

My boyfriend says "leave" instead of "leaf"
He just uses the plural minus the S.

Ex. "I have a leave on my car"


...and he corrects me for not pronouncing the "t" in "often."

Posted by: Jess at January 3, 2006 8:28 PM

I had a French professor last semester who didn't understand movie lingo. We were trying to explain how a romantic comedy was often called a "chick flick." I don't know if it was the barnyard reference or the pop culture "chauvinistic pig" descriptor...but from then on all guy movies were "pig flicks"

Posted by: mande at January 3, 2006 8:31 PM

Years ago, a young junior high student in my Sunday School class was reading a scripture that said something like, "John the Baptist wore a leathern girdle." She read it differently, though...she said, "John the Baptist wore a Lutheran Griddle." I still chuckle at that one.

Posted by: Tessy at January 3, 2006 8:40 PM

Here's another one...I know a lady who every time she says the word "mother" it comes out "munyer."

I kid you not...it drives me nuts because it isn't even close! This is a native speaker of English, too.

Posted by: Tessy at January 3, 2006 8:44 PM

My in-laws always say punkin instead of pumpkin.

Also, a college roomate of mine was reading a breakfast menu once (and she's a smart girl, I promise) and she said "Tw-oh, two-oh, two-oh...they've misspelled the word "too" in her so many times!" Uh, yeah, it actually was TWO as in the #, AND used correctly. We will never let her live it down.

Posted by: Joy at January 3, 2006 9:05 PM

I only got through reading 100 or so of those, so forgive me if this one has already been mentioned, but today, on the local news radio, the newswoman said that two men who were lost overnight on a ski hill were being treated for "hyper" thermia.

Highly unlikely!

Posted by: Celena at January 3, 2006 9:06 PM

I'm guilty of saying breffis (instead of breakfast) and sammich...if you can't tell what a sammich is ask someone to make you one, they will definately get it, but when I fudge my words I want to do it so if I would say "gramma" I know the real word would be grandma. My mom calls everything in the videogame world a playstation.

Posted by: soapyNinja at January 3, 2006 9:08 PM

i'm from the very northeast and some of the people here are...well...less than properly educated about grammer and pronounciation. so...
my mom and aunt both say vericle instead of vehicle. drives me nuts because they use that word all the time, they never say car or truck always vericle.
they also say saturday as (sir-di) aughh i hate that!
and one day i took my aunt to the pharmacy. she came out to the car and told me the genetic drugs were cheaper...lol

in school i sat next to this kid billy. he spoke was normal except he had no friends because even in the 6th grade he said be-kun instead of because. it was just wierd!

Posted by: laura q. at January 3, 2006 9:09 PM

My younger brother used to say cell-a-phones when he was about six too. a friend of mine works at a BEGEL shop and and drinks wOOder. and the other day i told my friend that there was a CD i was thinking about eating but it was too expensive

Posted by: Mal at January 3, 2006 9:18 PM

My favourite is when I look scruffy and somone says I'm a bit dis-hevelled.

Posted by: Paul at January 3, 2006 9:20 PM

My mom still calls that movie "Hootch and Drool" b/c the dog salivated like it had a garden hose up its butt.


"My mother once referred to the Tom Hanks movie "Turner and Hooch" as "Turner and Crotch"."

Posted by: geoff at January 3, 2006 9:22 PM

A friend once got Patrick Stewart and Patrick Swayze mixed up, and we never let him forget it. "Look! Patrick Swayze is commanding the Enterprize!"

Posted by: Derek at January 3, 2006 9:24 PM

i've got a co-worker who enjoys a good chicken "seizure" salad for lunch.

i have another co-worker who wanted to take it easy...he didn't want to "stretch the envelope."

and then there was the time a girlfriend of mine was all excited to see leonardo dicaprio in the movie, "the man under the iron ass."

but my absolute all-time favorite was the time one of my college professors asked our class to brainstorm ideas about marketing a "two-liter bottle of COCK." wow. the things you learn in business school.

god, i live for these moments.

Posted by: roogolly at January 3, 2006 9:53 PM

One of my co-workers was trying to communicate a location to me via radio and was trying to say the letter "Q" which sounded like the number "2" on my radio.
I asked her, "Do you mean 2 like the number 2?" to which she replied, "NO! Q! Like in CUBA!"
I lost it....

Posted by: Chuck G. at January 3, 2006 9:58 PM

My boyfriend returned from Blockbuster one night only to announce that he had rented "Saving Private Benjamin".

THAT'S a movie I'd love to see.

Posted by: melgan at January 3, 2006 10:01 PM

...ALSO....

My wife says, "Ung-yun, instead of onion, and PAMpoose instead of papoose." Cracks me up!

Posted by: Chuck G. at January 3, 2006 10:04 PM

I have always had a problem with stragedy (strategy) and jimaca (jicama). My dad has been having problems with his prostrate for years.

Mondegreens are misheard song lyrics. How very meta of you to call them Green Mondrians.

Posted by: Peace at January 3, 2006 10:09 PM

My brother-in-law loves to call our nephew a 'child progeny'. That guy cracks me up.

Posted by: josh at January 3, 2006 10:16 PM

I used to think that the novel The Count of Monte Cristo was called The Condom on a Crystal.

Posted by: Andrea at January 3, 2006 10:25 PM

I was looking at skirts in the mall with my sister, recently, and she made a comment about one of them looking like 'flamingo dancer' attire. I stared, and said, "Flamingo dancer?" and she said, "Yeah, you know, those dancers from Spain." She's 16 and only just found out that they're called flamenco dancers.

Posted by: Stephanie at January 3, 2006 11:26 PM

One of my best friends mothers is terrible when it comes to writing down movie names. One day when going through the movie collection at his parents house, I located "Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Machine." That would be forgivable as it's pretty close. My favorite so far though is the all time movie classic "White Fag" ("White Fang" for the slow folks out there)

Posted by: Mike at January 3, 2006 11:28 PM

This isn't really a reference to any movie or TV shows, but when my brother was little he would call the kitchen, "the chicken", and I think this is a common one but when I was a kid I used to think it was "human beans" instead of "human beings." I really believed that we were a type of bean and were related to other types of beans. And then there was sun scream.

Posted by: teiso at January 3, 2006 11:51 PM

My buddy Brian Bernstein always almost comes close to nailing movie quotes.

"The Flux Capacitator requires 1.41 jigawatts! Great Scotts!"

Posted by: drinkspiller at January 3, 2006 11:58 PM

My grandmother. Bikimi thats beach wear. Limbo she perfers the super stretch. Zucemi I love that bread. My father in law uses the word Uns. seeuns later. And from when the Rock use to wrestle and to this day. people quote him on the net as "know your roll" I like them baked and with a little honey butter.

Posted by: Dave at January 4, 2006 12:23 AM

I hate it when people are are trying refer to flipping someone off and they say flicking. Same thing with deaf and death.

Today my brother called the band Black Flag 'Black Fag'.

And I remember one day I somehow mixed up Echo and the Bunnymen with the Aquabats.

Posted by: Andrew at January 4, 2006 12:38 AM

My mother pronounces the B in subtle. She also misspells bastard as bastord, and pronounces echinacea "eek-a-neesh-a". Drives me crazy, but it's endearing.

Posted by: Shylah at January 4, 2006 12:40 AM

Oh! And a friend from my teenage years couldn't properly pronounce anything that began with "st" - she'd say skreet, skrait, skrawberry.

Posted by: Shylah at January 4, 2006 12:52 AM

I had a Puerto Rican art teacher back in college that prounced charcoal as "sharkle" and depth as "death."

"You need more death in your dwawings!"

He had a little bit of Fudd in 'im.

Posted by: Trent at January 4, 2006 1:19 AM

I used to hang around with a band in San Diego called The Tell-Tale Hearts. One day, they were in their rehearsal space working on a song when an argument broke out about some music-related bullshit. The keyboard player, Ron (who was Dutch) refused to go along with whatever decision the other band members had made, and, meaning to say "I'm putting my foot down" instead repeatedly said, "No! I am keeping my foot still!

We found this most amusing.

Posted by: COOP at January 4, 2006 1:20 AM

My 25-year-old sister has made it her personal mission in life to insert extraneous letter As into every word she possibly can.

She eats apple halfas. As in "I'm eating halfa of an apple."

She jogs every day and considers herself an ath-a-lete.

Nu-ca-lear war, un-a-yin (onion), the fun never stops.

Posted by: K at January 4, 2006 2:01 AM

Oh and my dad pronounces "macabre" as

ma-KAB-rey, I love that one.

Posted by: K at January 4, 2006 2:21 AM

One day my sister (12) asked my dad why Michael (my brother - 9) had to drink 'diet coke' instead of 'normal coke'. My dad (trying to be intelligent) says in a loud voice "because, Monique, instead of sugar it has sacrilidge."

I think I'm adopted.

Posted by: Juanita Yates at January 4, 2006 2:23 AM

OK i know two brothers and they both say Very-cul when they mean vehicle - what better is that one of them says yellooo instead of yellow - the hours of fun we have ripping it out of him!

I can't really talk as i make up words and sayings all the time (various stages of drunk) - here are some.

seeerusslee
Crustified
Drunked up good
drinkimacation
drunker-sized

feel free to use these choice sayings.

Posted by: Grod at January 4, 2006 3:11 AM

I have friends who can't say "Chipotle" but apparently have no problem with "Chip-o-tle". And "grassy-a$$" instead of gracias.

My entire Spanish class, after hearing our teacher say the word "crocodile" spent the rest of the year trying to get her to say it again. She pronounced it cock-o-drile.

Posted by: Ali at January 4, 2006 3:58 AM

E.T. - The Extra Testicle

Posted by: Matt at January 4, 2006 4:04 AM

My mother received a complementary coffee maker ,by purchasing gourmet coffee from GEVALIA.

Knowing that my sister needed a coffee maker, she graciously offered her new acquisition.

"Here Mary, take this one, I got it from GENITALIA".

Go Mom!

Posted by: Mrs. Williams at January 4, 2006 5:12 AM

Had an elementary teacher--TEACHER, mind you--who pronounced the T in "listen." Also had a friend who pronounced the B in "subtle."

Posted by: catloaf at January 4, 2006 5:19 AM

I remember when I was a kid, some of my stupid classmates pronounced teacher as cheacher.

Posted by: Christina at January 4, 2006 5:29 AM

Oh yeah, I also had a friend that pronounced "prowess" as "prowness." Sheesh!

Posted by: catloaf at January 4, 2006 5:53 AM

my dad - "wanda the fish" for "a fish called wand"

my brother - for the tv show "perfect strangers" said "my cousin balki"

Posted by: tootie at January 4, 2006 5:59 AM

I have a Father-in-law who enjoys eating a BAG-gel once in a while. When he writes a check, he puts a note to himself on the MEE-mo line. And Dezember is his favorite month of the year.

His wife referred to Saran wrap as Sarairn and now all of her children do too. I have snickered at my wife enough to make her say it correctly, but there's always a little hesitation ("I'll put some ... Sa-RAN wrap on that.)

None of these are entertainment related. They never owned a TV or went to movies, so they don't even know enough to be dangerous.

Posted by: Koolray at January 4, 2006 6:12 AM

my boyfriend says "frigerator" instead of "refrigerator" and "laundrymat" instead of "laundromat." it kills me. i correct him about half the time - trying to strike a balance between letting him be and having children who know how to pronounce words correctly. i forsee myself failing at both.

Posted by: me at January 4, 2006 6:15 AM

I used to work at a fragrance counter. A co-worker asked if I had any of the new Dolce & Copacabana.

Posted by: TheIdleReceptionist at January 4, 2006 6:16 AM

I was just at a meeting talking about a chain link fence we're installing.

me: "will it have razor wire on it?"

Doofus: "Constantine!!!"

(uuuh.......do you mean concertina wire? YOU MORON!)

Posted by: Nancy at January 4, 2006 9:43 AM

Dad: Sattiday (Saturday), earl (oil).

Mom: BAH-il (bottle- she totally leaves out the middle sounds- Dad does this too. Must be a New Yawk thing), ga-ZAY-bo (gazebo- I know this is an alternate correct pronounciation, but she says it in such an affected tone-it drives me nuts!)

My ex-sister-in-law thought TUXEDO (driving through the town in Upstate NY) was TUX-i-do. The boys wore tuxidos for her wedding, just for her.

When my new sister-in-law was a kid, she thought LINGERIE was lin-gerry, growing up and buying the stuff at Victoria's Secret!

When I was a kid, I thought Star Trek (I'm over 40, so that would be the "old" Star Trek) would "bold leego where no man had gone before...". I asked my mom what a leego was. I still can't live this one down!

Posted by: Mamasoo at January 4, 2006 9:45 AM

Back in '96 I had a friend ask me "Who is Jason Waterfalls?" After I shook my head and asked him what grade Jason was in he looks at me like I'm the idiot and says, "No, dumbass, from that TLC song, 'Go, Go Jason Waterfalls."

Posted by: Ryan at January 4, 2006 9:52 AM

I played piano when I was a kid. When we had company over, my dad would make me play the piano, and he always said, "play that song I like." Which one, dammit? You like lots of songs. That was helpful.

We were a church-going family. My father always wanted me to play "Welcome Table", but he called it "Welconom Table". And he screwed up the lyrics. They're supposed to be "Gonna sit at the welcome table One of these days. Hallelujah." He's sing "Gonna sit at the welcome table One of these days. Oh, Lord. Oh, yeah, Hallelujah." His timing and the extra words messed everyone up.

Posted by: The Countess at January 4, 2006 10:05 AM

My mom is French and although she’s lived in the States for 20+ years, she still has a pretty thick accent. Gotta love those foreign mummys.
Well, I could list a TON of examples - i.e. my mom calling chicken breast, chicken chest or pronouncing the fish salmon phonetically - but one moment really stands out from the rest as utterly confusing.

My mom was once talking to a friend of mine’s mother about what fields my older sister was interested in studying in college. I was probably in middle school at the time so I wasn’t really paying attention to the conversation, but eventually I caught on that my mom was telling this woman that my sister wanted to major in “Foreign Six”. So, albeit extremely confused, the woman asked what this major entailed. My mother starts gesturing and saying “oh, you know that science stuff” and looks towards me to “translate”. I realized that she was talking about forensics, and then the woman politely changed the subject.

Posted by: Clairy at January 4, 2006 10:19 AM

I recently realized that the Sara Lee slogan was:
Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee.

I always SWORE it was:
Nobody does it like Sara Lee.

Am I the only one?????
Talk amongst yourselves...

Posted by: Clairy at January 4, 2006 10:22 AM

Back in '96 I had a friend ask me "Who is Jason Waterfalls?" After I shook my head and asked him what grade Jason was in he looks at me like I'm the idiot and says, "No, dumbass, from that TLC song, 'Go, Go Jason Waterfalls."

Posted by: Ryan at January 4, 2006 10:29 AM

I think they changed the Sara Lee slogan. I remember that too.

Posted by: Ryan at January 4, 2006 10:32 AM

A few years ago there was a mini-series on TV called Merlin.

After work on night my wife asked if I had remembered to tape Mervin the previous night.

Needless to say I bought her the "Mervin" DVD as soon as it was released and anytime she wants to go shopping I'll ask if she's going to Merlin's ;-)

Posted by: Pixtaker at January 4, 2006 10:33 AM

A guy at my work has a few effed up words.

Cellic phone (cell phone)
Hoover Girls (Hooter Girls)
ReNember (reMember)

it drives me crazy. I correct him all the time eith the renember but he never listens.

Posted by: Erica at January 4, 2006 10:42 AM

When my soon-to-be-ex-wife and I were dating, she said she wanted to see that movie with Canoe Reeves! My buddy and I fell on the floor laughing, and I asked if she wouldn't rather see the one with his little brother, "Kayak." Makes my chuckle to this day. I could go on, but I'll stop because its probably the best (least sad) one.

Posted by: Dave at January 4, 2006 10:44 AM

My grandfather used to enjoy watching Kotex instead of Kojak.

Posted by: Me at January 4, 2006 10:48 AM

My daughter's rendition of farmer in the dell:
*farmer in the dell, the farmer in the dell, I know the dairy ho, the farmer in the dell*
Eeny meeny miney mo:
*eeny meeny miney mo, catch a tiger tie that mo*
The jungle book movie? She calls it "bear neseasames"
My brother used to refer to condominiums as condoms. "Dad can you drive me to the condoms?"

Posted by: yomama at January 4, 2006 10:48 AM

I wish I would have documented all of the pronunciation gaffs provided to me by a friend, but the funniest of them all would have to be the cop on "CHiP's", Eric Distrada.

Posted by: zorak at January 4, 2006 10:49 AM

I loved the movie "3 Weddings and a Funeral" but I started watching it 15 minutes into it. Guess I missed the 4th wedding, because I've never gotten the name right....

Posted by: Christine at January 4, 2006 10:51 AM

Crap, how could I leave out the time my brother asked the waitress at the ice cream place to put some "Recee's Penis" on his sundae.

Posted by: will at January 4, 2006 10:52 AM

My mom was dating this British guy that didn't hide his disdain for American culture. One day he was frantically searching through the fridge and mumbling that he couldn't find the "Thank God It's Not Butter", as opposed to the Fabio-famous "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter".

Posted by: mellenhigh at January 4, 2006 10:56 AM

Oh and my BF calls Pittsburg 'Pitchburg'

Posted by: Erica at January 4, 2006 10:56 AM

In response to Amazon who posted January 3, 2006 at 2:43 PM: As a person of the "African-American persuasion," I've never heard one of my own say "ernge juice." However, it is like nails on a chalkboard to me every time I hear someone of the Caucasian persuasion say, "ar-enge juice" or "AHN-velope."

Posted by: Special K at January 4, 2006 10:59 AM

My friend also likes to watch Donny McMahon (Donovan McNabb)play football, likes to shop at Wal-Mark, and enjoys eating Check-Mix (Chex-Mix)

Posted by: zorak at January 4, 2006 11:01 AM

My fiance's mom loves to watch "John Daily"every evening. (the Daily Show with John Stewart) - priceless!

Posted by: Kerry at January 4, 2006 11:02 AM

My wife: "Supposedly" is "Supposably." She defends this indiscretion by asserting that she's not the only one in her office who says it that way.

Great, yeah, that makes it correct then.

Posted by: Big J at January 4, 2006 11:06 AM

In Canada we have a children's character called Franklin. He is a turtle and his favourite halloween costume is his Frankenstein costume. He calls it his Franklinstein costume. We actually have a trick-or-treat bag at home with a picture of Franklinstein trick-or-treating on it.

This is just my way of saying that I am on your Dad's side in this. Go Dad!

Posted by: Jennifer at January 4, 2006 11:08 AM

One summer at the beach, my grandmother informed my niece to beware of the "under-toad" in the ocean. She obviously meant "under-toe" but to this day my niece is deathly afraid of the mysterious Under-Toad that lurks in the water....

Posted by: Sam at January 4, 2006 11:21 AM

I had a friend back during the home video craze of the early 1980's who taped every movie he could find on his Sony Betamax... He kept talking about his favorite horror movie, "Bouldergast" (as written on his video label), recently acquired from some pay service he was getting on his 7-foot satellite dish. It wasn't until later that I realized he was talking about "Poltergeist." And is wasn't until much later that I figured out that he had a hearing problem and he really couldn't read or write very well, either!

Posted by: Sluggo at January 4, 2006 11:32 AM

My parents are forever getting "FLUSTRATED"

Posted by: reann at January 4, 2006 11:37 AM

I had a philosophy professor from college who used to say ab-zurd instead of ab-serd when saying absurd. this particular word is used alot in the existential philosophy course he taught, so it was a source of alot of amusement.
My mother (immigrant) used to call lengerie ling-ger-ie instead of lawn-gher-ay.

Posted by: ben at January 4, 2006 11:49 AM

While playing Trivial Pursuit, my brother was in charge of asking the question: "Who was Helen of Troy's lover?" The correct answer was given by the opposing team, but my brother flipped the card over and mistakenly read the answer to the science & nature question, which was "testicles". He yelled "Wrong! It's Test-i-cleese!"

I thought "hasta luego" was "pasta luego" until I was old enough to know better.

My mother says "melk" and "Ellinois" and can't hear the difference. Drives me crazy...

Posted by: Erin at January 4, 2006 11:58 AM

My wife thinks Dylan McDermott is Delbert Mclinton, and that Joe Jackson is Jackson Brown. This is only scratching the surface. Oh yeah my favorite, She thinks Michael Moore is Roger Moore (I guess Moore's film "Roger and Me" got that one started).
She otherwise possesses above average intelligence and reliable memory function.

Posted by: davechuck at January 4, 2006 11:58 AM

No, Clairy, it wasn't just you, and yeah...I only figured that out myself in the last ten years or so. Fortunately for Sara Lee, both ways make sense, though I'm not fond of double negatives.

Posted by: SB at January 4, 2006 11:59 AM

wow lotsa comments. my friend jesse saw space balls too many times and orders "PerriAIR" at resturants not realising that its not called that.

Posted by: kirk at January 4, 2006 12:06 PM

For years, my son thought Bob Marley and the Wailers were exhorting us to "Get up, stand up! Stand up for your rice!" And I heard a radio interview where Henry Rollins said that Black Flag's entire musical philosophy was based on his misunderstanding that Led Zep was singing about a "Whole Lotta Lunch."

Posted by: mike at January 4, 2006 12:07 PM

My mother really likes to eat at "Chi-boat-le" and she constantly renames movies like "Rumor Has It" has been officially dubbed "The Robinsons" and my xbox is now the "box station". Sad and funny all at once.

Posted by: Jami at January 4, 2006 12:08 PM

The comment about the mispronunciation of INXS reminded me of this:

My friends and I were sitting around talking about classic rock and our favorite class rock bands. One of the guys said, "I really like Reo Speedwagon." It took us a good hour to convince him that it was R-E-O Speedwagon.

Posted by: Marc at January 4, 2006 12:09 PM

Another one from my MIL's husband (who is from Delaware and has the weirdest accent ever). He was trying to ask if we wanted to go to a baseball game but he kept saying "Oilers" as the team name. It took me forever to figure out he didn't mean the now defunct Houston Oilers football team but the Orioles. I think he finally spelt it out for me.

I have been known to mess up common phrases much to my husband's amusement. I've actually said quit pulling my goat and couldn't figure out why that sounded odd. And of course Trader Joes is really Farmer Dan's in my world, Wal-Mart is Mall-Mart.

My favorite aunt has a million of these... the People Mover at Disneyland is the Meeple Poover, you yell Gunshot when you want to sit in the front seat, and Schlotzy's Deli (the real name) is Schwarzkopff's, after Stormin' Norman.

Posted by: kristenmary at January 4, 2006 12:12 PM

Someone I know says that "bretfast" is the first meal of the day. Also, mannerism is mispronounced so that it rhymes with anyeurism.

Back in middle school, the teacher had the class take turns reading aloud from a science text book. The book said "invisible to the naked eye", but a classmate read it as "naked to the human eye".

Reading aloud in another class, this time about India, he misread "sacred" as "scared", making it seem that the cows that roam India freely were frightened.

Posted by: Bill at January 4, 2006 12:38 PM

I work for a consumer electronics manufacturer. One of our large account nowadays is for Sirius Satellite Radio. You would not believe the amount of people that pronounce it "Syrus". Makes me laugh all the time.

Another I hear frequently is "Chi-cargo" instead of Chicago.

Posted by: steve-o at January 4, 2006 12:49 PM

To this day my mother still refers to that show with Mulder and Sculley as F-Files.

We don't even correct her anymore...

Jon

Posted by: Jon at January 4, 2006 12:51 PM

When my dad first came to the states, his favorite rock star was "Melvin Presby", you know, the guy with the blue suede shoes.

Posted by: Ann at January 4, 2006 12:54 PM

My biggest pet peeve is when people say "irregardless". But I also used to work with a guy who thought brought and bought were the same word. There is a restaurant in our neighborhood called Welcome Home. My husband called is Home Alone a few times and now that's what we always call it.

Posted by: Carrie Jo at January 4, 2006 12:56 PM

ha!
I was in business with a girl. She always cooked Salmon...only she pronounced it SaL-Mon. I would never eat it for fear of food poisoning. She also at Breftist (breakfast) and de-thawed her food when she took it from the freezer. She is currently homeschooling her children using a 'privet'(private) school online.

Posted by: valencia at January 4, 2006 1:00 PM

I definitely hate it when people say "irregardless" too!

And it gets on my nerves when my mom refers to the "Swiffer" as the "Swifter"

Posted by: Sara at January 4, 2006 1:13 PM

Once, I showed a co-worker my new scientific calculator. She explained that she also had one of those fancy things for her math class at the community college and that it did all those neat calculations ... like "sine, cosine, and tangible."

Posted by: Big D at January 4, 2006 1:17 PM

Whenever my daughter refers to Jeff (of The Wiggles) the way she's pronouncing it I can tell she thinks he spells his name G-E-O-F-F. Don't ask how I can tell -- I just know.

Posted by: Jim at January 4, 2006 1:22 PM

Okay, I admit that I am an old far that had to have her daughter correct her about "Pilates" Sorry to have embarrassed my grown daughter. However, her version of "nighty night, don't let the bedbugs bite", which she turned into the saying we still use today, "nighty night, don't let the bug bites get you".

Posted by: Kait at January 4, 2006 1:26 PM

I live on the east coast, and, I don't know what part of the east coast of the US "eastcoasters" are from, but, I, from Virginia, have always said 'milk' and my boyfriend, who hails from New Jersey, has always said 'milk', without any noticeable difference in inflection.

However, my high school PRINCIPAL always referred to events occuring "ON tomorrow" or "ON yesterday" and she would always "AXE" us to give a big round of "AP-LAWS" for an "ON-RABLE" student.

In my tenth grade AP Chemistry class, there was a Filipino girl named "Mayrhene" who pronounced her name "My-reene". However, much to her chagrin, our teacher always pronounced it "Mahy-ren" (She gave up correcting him in March).

My sister and I used to butcher words all the time as a little kid; I being older only remember her errors, most notably "A. Blinkin'" (for Abe Lincoln), "heart beep" (for 'heartbeat') and "magalog" (when referring to either a magazine or catalog).

My grandmother has always called "Chic-fil-A" "Chicka-Fil".

Posted by: Kareeen at January 4, 2006 1:36 PM

My wife always says x-a-ray for x-ray. I'm not sure where the "a" comes from, but I am afraid -- very afraid --to correct her.

Posted by: Marc at January 4, 2006 1:45 PM

A lot of people seem to be fans of "Shtar Track". You know, that old show about the famous Vulcan child psychologist "Dr. Spock"!
My girlfriend is another one guilty of pronouncing it "Dis-hevelled", so I can never resist asking her if she has completed the hevelling process before we leave the house.

Posted by: Gennosuke at January 4, 2006 1:51 PM

Nobody ever found out about this one, because I misread the name in a novel in grade school before we studied history. Even though I have relatives who were involved in WWII, they never talked about it. Whatever, I'm glad I never mentioned this out loud because I'm sure someone would have been offended:

For some reason, I misread the name Hitler as Hilt-er. Later on in junior high Social Studies, we learned about that dictator. But it took several weeks before I was able to draw a connection between the Hitler I was studying about in school and the Hilt-er I read in a Judy Blume novel!

Posted by: Mayge R. at January 4, 2006 1:52 PM

I particularly like a friend-of-a-friend's drunken tribute to Taran Quentintino.

Posted by: Hirayuki at January 4, 2006 1:55 PM

This reminds me of a conversation years back when I was still living w/ my parents. We were driving somewhere and I was sitting in the backseat. Dad was driving, listening to the radio I thought and tuned into my conversation w/ my mom at just the wrong moment.

Me: Mom, can you get me another box of tampax?
Dad: Why do you need another box?
Me: Uh...cuz I used mine all up?
Dad: Why can't you use re-use them?
Mom: What??
Dad: Why do you throw them away after using them once? Do you think I'm made of money? Jeez, you just push them in w/ your finger
Me: Dad, that's just gross! You just don't re-use tampax!
Dad: Tampax? I thought you said 'thumbtacks'

We still laff about that one.

My dad also talked about Burt Lungcancer (Lancaster) and Victor Manure (Mature).

Posted by: deb at January 4, 2006 2:17 PM

my girlfriend at teh time asked my mom to borrow her "blowjobber" (blow dryer)
Irregardless (regardless)
Wal Mart's
El Chico's
you get the idea

Posted by: glenn at January 4, 2006 2:24 PM

I have a few from various groups of students I worked with over the years (as a youth worker, not a teacher)
-One girl, who was very proud of being very intelligent was explaining to us how something looked good but it was all a faCADE (pronouncing the "CADE"). She wouldn't be persuaded that she had it pronounced incorrectly.
-I wasn't present for this one but one of the girls I worked with had to read aloud in class. She came to a sentence with the following: "lino-" at the end of the line and at the start of the next line "leum". She read boldly: "Leeno Leeum" and carried on. We all used that one for a long time.
-I worked for a time in a group home for aboriginal (Native Canadian) youth. A common mispronunciation among youth on reserves is "hut" instead of "hot". As in: We are having hut dogs for dinner.

When I was learning to read, no one had explained abbreviations to me. I was reading everything I could get my hands on all the time, and was quite proud of myself for teaching myself so many words, like, for example: "litted" (Ltd.)

Posted by: Lori at January 4, 2006 2:24 PM

I forgot: regarding the Himalayan pronunciation: I worked for a while in the foothills of the Himalayas and there were some Brits on staff who pronounced the mountains him-AHL-yas which always made us laugh. (although, it is one of the correct pronunciations)

Posted by: Lori at January 4, 2006 2:27 PM

a friend's ex father in law drove an "Expeditious" and he was interested in the new computer language..."lingus"

Posted by: glenn at January 4, 2006 2:30 PM

Even having already posted twice, almost everytime I read the new comments, I think of something else ridiculous someone said... in this case, me.

When I was in a seventh grade science class, I was asked to read aloud from the textbook. Being a nervous public speaker, I was trying very hard to make sure I didn't flubbed anything. Trying so hard in fact, that when I came upon the word "organism" I said "orgasm". I don't know how many others knew what it meant at the time (this was in '89) but I knew, and I'm almost certain the teacher knew. Thank God I don't know anyone from that time in my life anymore.

Posted by: Istie at January 4, 2006 2:33 PM

Oh, and I forgot: when I was a little girl, I was another one who asked what "LINgery" was the first time I saw the sign over a store's lingerie department. Another one I still get teased about is "gingham", which I mispronounced as "JIN-jam". ONCE! TWENTY-FIVE YEARS AGO! Christ, people, gimme a break already! I went and got a linguistics (phonetics) degree and everything, so get off my back!

Then there's my dad's "EP-i-tome", for "epitome", and my grandma's "deb-you-TAHN-tay" for "debutante", when she was a schoolgirl (and speaking in front of her entire class, poor girl). This is what comes of reading words and never hearing them pronounced.

My grandma also says "breakfrist", "Tuesdee", "battry" (for "battery"), and "thee-AY-ter" (for "theater"). Ouch.

Posted by: Hirayuki at January 4, 2006 2:37 PM

when i was a kid my grandmother suggested we go for a hamburger at fuckrudder's.

Posted by: chris at January 4, 2006 3:01 PM

while visiting a friend in san antonio, we went to a restaurant called spaghetti warehouse. i couldn't quite remember the name of it when i told her i wanted to eat at the "macaroni factory" again. so that's what we call it.

my boyfriend constantly calls larry david (from the show curb your enthusiasm) "david larry."

Posted by: mary at January 4, 2006 3:02 PM

A friend's neighbour refers to the state Denver is in as "Coloraddle".

And my father once asked me, "Have you seen the trailer for that new movie with Steve Martin and Queen Fajita?"

Posted by: Robot Johnny at January 4, 2006 3:04 PM

This weekend I got called a "ducebag". It warmed my heart.

Posted by: Celeste at January 4, 2006 3:04 PM

My best friend was describing a really dirty song and said it was full of "insinnuendo."

In high school, I heard people pronounce "vigor" as "VY-gore," curriculum as "surriculum," and "finite" as "finnit."

Whenever I comment that our room smells great, my roommate tells me, "I just burned an incent."

And a little part of me dies every time I hear people say "supposably," "unthaw," or "besides the point."

Posted by: Audrey at January 4, 2006 3:35 PM

My grandma says "Wal-mark" / "K-Mark" and sometimes adds unnecessary s's to the ends of words.

Posted by: Brian at January 4, 2006 3:41 PM

My stepmother has never once gotten a movie title right but the best ever was the time she called "Big Trouble in Little China" "Down and Out in Chinatown". True story. Also, "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" became "Heddy and the Nine Inch Nail". Classic.

Posted by: evil Toner at January 4, 2006 3:57 PM

There's this girl at work that pronounces "gnat" as "ga-nat" and I always thought it was pronouced as "nat." This really gets to me!

Posted by: Katt at January 4, 2006 3:57 PM

my mother says coderado instead of colorado. i finally got her to hear the difference by repeating the word while pointing to my shirt collar and then the car (auto). what's even better is now when she says it she always grabs her shirt then gestures towards the driveway.
a friend of my boyfriend was telling us about a major fox pass that he made one night. he had no idea he was saying it wrong until someone else said it correctly. he slapped his forehead "oh my god, it's faux pas!" that was awesome. it still makes me giggle.

Posted by: the girl at January 4, 2006 4:10 PM

oh yeah! and my grandmother never went the hospital for tests just testes.

Posted by: the girl at January 4, 2006 4:12 PM

I had a friend who was a journalist. She asked me to listen to a recorded documentary she had made for radio about the Nazi concentration camp Auschwitz. She used the name of the place about seven hundred times in her long reportage, pronouncing it like Outswitch EVERY SINGLE TIME!

Posted by: Douglas at January 4, 2006 5:00 PM

Does anyone remember Norm Crosby? He built a career in standup by jumping to contusions and speaking from his diagram.

Posted by: Lester at January 4, 2006 5:12 PM

I've seen emails from my co-workers talking about "for all intensive purposes" and being "in the mist of doing something"

Posted by: Jake at January 4, 2006 5:14 PM

Maybe this doesn't quite apply, but I have to say "heighth." That is, the word "height" with a "th" sound on the end. As far as I have *ever* been able to tell, THIS IS NOT A WORD. Why do so many people insist on using it? It sounds daft. The word is height. It ends in a "t". ARGH!

-Munki

Posted by: Munki at January 4, 2006 5:20 PM

the worst is 'irregardless', which people say regardless (or irrespective) of the fact that it's not a word...

Posted by: billl at January 4, 2006 5:29 PM

now that i have read more of the posts, i realize that i posted my previous offering irregardless of the fact that it's been posted many times already...

Posted by: billl at January 4, 2006 5:32 PM

Yes! Irregardless! That one *always* kills me.

-Munki

Posted by: Munki at January 4, 2006 5:33 PM

I worked with the KING of malappropisms (I think that is how its spelled). When his brother got choked on some food, he was give the Heineken Maneuver, his friend who had a heart attack was waiting for the gynecologist to examine him, had I read the new Henry Potter book, did I see the program about Astrodomas (Nostrodamas), and so on. I would just nod, shake my head no, and quietly laugh my ass off!!!!

Posted by: Suzy-q at January 4, 2006 5:34 PM

Oh, and Jake..."all intensive purposes" instead of "all intents and purposes" kills me as well. Additionally, "I could care less" instead of "I couldn't care less." There are others, I know, I just can't seem to think of them right now.

I remember one guy I knew a few years ago. I don't think he ever read any books, so the vast majority of his vocabulary was based on what he had heard. One relatively common thing to say is "wreak havoc." Since he had apparently only heard these words, and always together, he thought the second word was "kavoc." It took us a good ten minutes and many, many repetitions of the word "kavoc" to figure out what on earth he was trying to say. Mind you, he was a high school graduate. In my opinion, he ought to know the word "havoc" by then...

-Munki

Posted by: Munki at January 4, 2006 5:40 PM

My fav is my mom's constant use of pedeSTERNs, instead of pedestrians, and the sconces on the wall are scones. I also had a biology teacher who insisted on calling vesicles vesTicles. This was 10th grade, so you can imagine the giggling.

Posted by: mystiquael at January 4, 2006 5:47 PM

The word mondegreen is itself a mondegreen. Once upon a time in history, a woman mistook the lyric "and laid him on the green" for "and Lady Mondegreen." When she realized her mistake, she was so amused that she decided she would continue the amusement by making note of future mistakes. But I think "Green Mondrian" is better improvement still! It sounds so artsy for an occurence that happens most often with pop art instead of fine art.

Here are three of my favorites.

"Hold me closer, Tony Danza" instead of "tiny dancer" in the Elton John song.

"I was born in a crossfire hurricane" instead of "Class 5 hurricane" from "Jumpin' Jack Flash" by the Stones. Mick Jagger is ALWAYS slobbing up his enunciation so that people have no idea what he's singing. It must be those humongous lips. Strangely, even though there is not officially any such thing as a "crossfire hurricane" I've heard this phrase so often that it actually does make sense to me. It's like artists invent future realities. I just wish they could have invented GOOD things. In this case, hurricanes do seem to come about by various crossfires of hostile natural energy, no?

I believe a lot of these mondegreens are somewhat Freudian (altho on the whole I don't like or wish to validate other people's misinterpretations of Freudian theory), not just for the people hearing the lyrics but for the artists who fail to pronounce the words clearly just as much if not more.

Lastly, "Gotta use my sausage" instead of "Gonna use my sidestep" in "Brass in Pocket" by the Pretenders. This is extra funny because the singer, Chrissy Hynde, is female.

Posted by: Brian (or Brain) at January 4, 2006 6:02 PM

I confess, I was a former "intensive purposes" person. That is, until several years ago when someone who knew better took me aside and chewed my head off about it. I've since learned.

Why is it that people get so upset about these things? Is it because the world really is falling apart? I think it must be. Otherwise, we'd all be mellow about it, unafraid of correcting the mistakes of others, and un-frustrated so that we're actually capable of correcting them in an effective and perfectly gentle manner. If there weren't a bigger problem at hand, people would suffice to think to themselves, "well effective communication is the most important thing, and this person is making an error that is just cosmetic." It must be that we're failing on a deep level to communicate substantively regardless of whether more minor linguistic errors are present on top of the main unspoken problem. The grammar is less important so we get annoyed about it; if we became annoyed about the underlying problem and there weren't any available solution, I imagine we'd be much more upset. And I imagine we are that upset in general. How else can we account for the level of idiocy the media has begun to report has become the norm? I'm just old enough to know the world wasn't always this way.

The one that annoys me in turn is the mispronouncement of the Mexican food fajitas to make it sound like a nasty gynecological disease. Va-JIGH-tus. Yick.

Posted by: Helen at January 4, 2006 6:17 PM

ever since a slip of the tongue on my dad's part, our entire family has since jokingly referred to being extremely overweight as "obeast".

i also have an aunt that pronounces prawns "prongs" and quiche as "quickie".

Posted by: brian at January 4, 2006 6:21 PM

I'm from the East Coast & I say milk. But my friend says melk, & I hate him for it. He also says oar-ange instead of are-ange, & it's his favorite color. It just drives me nuts.

My boyfriend says off-end & ab-surd. I also hate when people don't prounouce data like date-uh. & say rowt instead of root for route. & ruf for roof. & crick for creek. I'm so picky. Just say it the same as I do & we'll all be okay!

I think the most mispronunciations come out during Trivial Pursuit. I thought it was the Genius Edition till I was like fourteen. & I definitely pronounced the b in debtor like three months ago. Ouch.

There's a resturaunt around here called 'The Macaroni Grill,' but anyone who works there will pronounce it Ma-cron-ey. Although I just found out Ruby Tuesday didn't have an S on the end. Oops.

One time when I was like eight my dad said zuccini instead of gazebo. I swear to god. I STILL make fun of him for me. You know it's bad when you're eight year old daughter catches you...

My biggest grammer peeve is probably when people say 'yous' (as in 'do yous guys want to come?) & seen instead of saw. (I seen you at the mall yesterday!) It sounds SO stupid!!!

My friends & I like to go to resturants & pronounce everything phonetically. Like tor-till-a & jal-ap-a-no & case-a-dill-a. But we do it on purpose!

But probably the WORST offender of English language abuse is a woman I work with. Pumpkin? No, punkin. (She spells it that way, too). Soy = so-ey. She pronounces the second I in pointsettia, but I'm not sure that's actually WRONG, just annoying. She thinks 'olivious' is a word. Her attempt to say dilapidated yesterday was horrendous. It didn't even start with a D! I think it went something like 'ca-lip-a-rated.' She also tries to use phrases, but says them all backwards or splices two of them together. I can't think of an example off the top of my head, but I'll be taking notes from now on. She just tries to sound so smart, but fails miserably. & you should see her spell! Angle hair pasta. Hot coca. I lose IQ points every day I work there...

I had a HEALTH TEACHER in college that said, instead of 'pubic lice,' get this, 'PUBLIC lice.' Swear on my life. It wasn't just a one time thing, either.

I still laugh when I tell the story about when my physics teacher in high school said 'kilomenator' (mixing up kilometer & denomenator).

I had a sub (in English or all things) one time who had the WORST time saying thesaurus. I think I came up with something like thee-are-sus-sus. Wow.

I think that's enough for now. This made me laugh so much. Yay Steve!

Posted by: Alyssa at January 4, 2006 6:34 PM

>Lastly, "Gotta use my sausage" instead of "Gonna use my sidestep" in "Brass in Pocket" by the Pretenders. This is extra funny because the singer, Chrissy Hynde, is female.
Brian (or Brain)
----------------------------------------------------

I have to confess, up until your post, I thought it was "Gonna use my sassy"....*sigh*

Posted by: Istie at January 4, 2006 6:35 PM

jeezus, you people make Forrest Gump look like a Mensa student. Learn the English language or move to fucking Mexico.

Posted by: john holmes at January 4, 2006 6:38 PM

God, I hope I can bemember how to pronunciate English after reading these! My mother says "spinash" instead of spinach, but will correst you if you mispronounce anything. My husband's niece would say "mash the float" instead of flush the commode. The same niece and her husband are active with a "calvary reinactment group" - I guess they save souls from Indians. His nephew would say "stinking ass" instead of snake in the grass. Our friend gets his books at the liberry (that one drives me bat-shit!!!). And being from Texas, there is always the ever present WARSH. We had a Congressman who did a commercial asking for our vote to send him to Warshington. I said if he can't pronounce it, he can't go there!!

Posted by: Suzy-1 at January 4, 2006 6:40 PM

Jew-lery instead of jewelry, because it is made (obviously enough) by Jews!

Posted by: Suzy-q at January 4, 2006 7:19 PM

God my mum kills me when she pronouces taco (as in the mexican food) as Tacko. Yet when she's describing a Taco (Tacko) meter in a car she says it with the long a (Taco). God it shits me.

Posted by: The Cookie Monster at January 4, 2006 7:47 PM

When my nephew was about 5, he was saying his bedtime prayers.

"Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep". He then looked at my sister and said "Mom, what's a fushidy?" When my sister asked him what he was talking about, he said "You know- fushidy before I wake." (If I should die before I wake).

Posted by: suzy-q at January 4, 2006 8:00 PM

BWAHHAH! I LMAOed all the way through this long list of replies and the best of all came almost last. Props to "Brain" who helped me realize I'm not alone in thinking that the world might be a better place today if that old fart Mick Jagger had hired a speech therapist early on!

What does it MEAN when you botch your own lyrics? It cannot be a good thing! I feel vindicated now to know that other people notice these things, too, and it's not just me. Here is my own list that I've been compiling of misheard Rolling Stones words.

I see a Renoir and I want to paint it black =
I see a red door and I want to paint it black
(Paint It Black)

You can't all escape the Chihuahua =
You can't always get what you want
(You Can't Always Get What You Want)

I ain't Jed, but I'll still love your baby =
Angie, I still love you Baby.....

When will these clowns all disappear =
When will these clouds all disappear
(Angie)

I can't get no curry action =
I can't get no girl with action
((I Can't Get No) Satisfaction)

Jimmy, Jimmy, he laid a honky tonk girl =
Gimme, gimme, gimme the honky tonk blues
(Honky Tonk Blues)

I made sure the pilot washed his hands and cleaned his plate =
Made damn sure that Pilate washed his hands and sealed His fate.....

When the blue screen raged I ate the finest steak =
When the Blitzkrieg raged and the bodies stank.....

Pleased to meet you, won't you mouth my vein=
Please to meet you, hope you guess my name
(Sympathy for the Devil)

When a dragon is getting old =
What a drag it is, getting old
(Mother's Little Helper)

I've been hauling ass so long,
I've been sleeping on the lawn =

I've been holding out so long
I've been sleeping all alone.....

Well, I've been hunted in my sleep,
I've had Stalin in my dreams =

Well, I've been haunted in my sleep,
You've been starring in my dreams.....

There's some punk down on the square
With some Puerto Rican guns =

Gonna come around at twelve
With some Puerto Rican girls
(Miss You)

I'll never leave your pizza burning,
All your sickness I could suck a duck =

I'll never be your beast of burden,
All your sickness, I could suck it up
(Beast of Burden)

O, Pastramio, Pastramio, you can never stop =
Start me up, if you start me up I'll never stop.....

And I've got AIDS =
My eyes dilate
(Start Me Up)

You come rutabaga, give my money back to me me me =
You'll come running back, you'll come running back to me me me
(Time Is on My Side)

Brown Sugar, how come your den's so dirty?
Brown Sugar, just like a back door should =

Brown Sugar, how come you taste so good?
Brown Sugar, just like a black girl should
(Brown Sugar)

A! A! E! U! the alphabet clown! =
Hey (hey), you (you), get off of my cloud!
(Get Off My Cloud)

My name is Candace Bergen =
Said my name is called Disturbance
(Street Fighting Man)

I was born in a cross-fire hurricane =
I was born in a class five hurricane......

I was laid by two lesbians in drag =
I was raised by a toothless, bearded hag.....

Jumpin' Jack Flash, gotta get some gas =
Jumpin' Jack Flash, it's a gas gas gas
(Jumpin' Jack Flash)

Don't you know the primate's going, "UGH, UGH, UGH, UGH, UGH!"? =
Don't you know the crime rate's going up up up up up?
(Shattered)

On with the show, the hell with you =
On with the show, good health to you
(On With the Show).

Posted by: Wicked III at January 4, 2006 8:02 PM

My mom has been dying to see "Lemonhead's Serious of Misfortunes" (Lemony Snickets Serious of Unfortunate Events) and for her birthday she asked for an Outlast (Outkast) CD.

Posted by: jess at January 4, 2006 8:16 PM

My husband says "Saint-an" instead of "Satan." And I once had an ex-boyfriend who, walking through the craft section of a store, commented on the "fox" (faux) fur.

My mother-in-law says "littert-ly" instead of "literally." I still can't figure out why, because I think "literally" is much easier to pronounce!

Posted by: Rita at January 4, 2006 8:19 PM

I like to hear people say "axe" for "ask" - "muvfer" for "mother" - "cent" instead of "cents" - And best of all: "My Bad" for "My Mistake."

Funny, funny stuff...

Posted by: Frank at January 4, 2006 8:19 PM

The cultural ones shit me.
The english and their A's. The pronouce them like the a in masterbate (sorry couldnt think of another example) as in Bath, afternoon, pasta and grass. Isn't it supposed to be aaa (like when your at the dentist?
Also american U's. pronouced as oo's. Toona (tuna), Pooma (puma), doo (due) dooty (duty) and last but certainly not least Emoo (emu). clearly itsa pronouced eem-You
Speaking of Australian Fauna, what is with Koala Bear??? clearly the Koala is a marsupial, not a fucking bear. And its not cute and cuddly either. I would pay you a lot of money if you could go hug a Koala and come back with both your eyes intact.

Posted by: The cookie Monster at January 4, 2006 8:19 PM

As for misheard lyrics...
My cousin thought do the "Hustle" was "Eat a hot dog!"
Philadelphia Freedom...Flip Flop Delphia Freedom (??)
My best friend declared herself as being "Bone wet" afer coming in from a rainstorm, and her sister horrified us when she asked for her tuna salad sandwich on "Casearean bread"
But my own sister takes the prize...never known to be a genious (she got all the looks but...) my boyfriend was surprised to see she was reading a rather hefty looking novel (a romance story but still pretty lengthy) he asked in amazement if she was actually reading the book and she said "Well it's not like I'm illergitimate you know!!

Posted by: Debbie Chick at January 4, 2006 8:27 PM

in New Orleans: people stand "on line" to "make groceries."

Posted by: lindsay at January 4, 2006 8:31 PM

Honorable mention: poor sweet misunderstood 'Joey' from "friends'

Posted by: lindsay at January 4, 2006 8:37 PM

My buddy thought that the chorus of TLC's "Crazy Sexy Cool" was "Crazy glue, crazy glue, crazy glue..."

Posted by: Marc at January 4, 2006 8:48 PM

my dad really likes the song "born to be wild" by steppenwolf. you'll recall that the familiar first line of the song is "get your motor runnin'...".

my dad and i were in his truck one day and the song came on. he sang the first line as "betcha gonna runnin'..." we shared a hearty laugh at his gross misinterpretation. we still call the song "betcha gonna runnin'".

eric

Posted by: eric at January 4, 2006 8:52 PM

*Series .. i guess I'm guilty too

Posted by: jess at January 4, 2006 9:08 PM

I always thought Alanis Morissette was singing "for the cross-eyed bear" instead of the usual "for the cross I bear"...

Posted by: Fel-X at January 4, 2006 9:30 PM

Well, I've read about 40 of these posts so far, and I think they're great (I'm saving the rest for my lunch breaks at work for the next two dys...LoL

Anyway...My grandfather used to call "Hippopatamus" (however its spelled) "Hip-up-and-pop-amos" on purpose....And a turkey was a "Gobble-gobble-gitchie-goose" my family is from West Virginia, is it too obvious.

On that note, I dated a guy who called it "West Virgin-gin" when he was little (gotta love the embarrassing stories parents tell).

My Dad calls Keanu Reeves "Canoe" Reeves

And on a trip to Columbus last spring I was the Navigator, and looking at the map I said "The Clagadagh is in the 'Brwery Dristrict'" as apposed to the Brewery District, and for some reason, I STILL can't actually say it right!

My one friend's mom can't say Lanolium, it's "Lanol-i-lum"

Another friend's mom calls it a "Couter" instead of a "Coochie" LoL...

Speaking of "Friends" my high school World History Teacher would actually argue with me that the correct spelling was "freinds" even after I would recite the " 'i' before 'e' " poem, she still argued the point...Oi!

I have to say the one I hate the most is when people American-ize French words...my best friend says "Mee-lee" instead of "May-lay" for the word melee, I can understand why because of the spelling, but how many times does one person need to be told before she learns...lol...I swear, one more time and she and I are going to get into a melee....

Posted by: Serpentia at January 4, 2006 10:11 PM

I did mean to say "days" not "dys"

Posted by: Serpentia at January 4, 2006 10:13 PM

I once had a friend who, during a moment of frustrated recollection, referred to the theory of watermelons growing inside one's stomach when the seeds are swallowed as an 'Old Mother's Fib Lie'. It still almost makes me cry from the laughing when I think about it...

Posted by: Kiki at January 4, 2006 10:22 PM

Then there was the time my mother-in-law came in and said to my husband, "I found another one of those 'condos' in the backyard!" Of course she meant, "condoms" and was referring to my promiscuous brother-in-law! My husband started laughing, and said, "Yeah, mom - those CONDOS are just springing up everywhere!"

Posted by: Trish at January 4, 2006 10:35 PM

well, i'm from the south where the whites have a nasty twang and the blacks have ebonics. (i've got to get an english-to-redneck-to-ebonics dictionary.)

Posted by: jo at January 4, 2006 10:42 PM

My math teacher is a nuthead. yes, a NUTHEAD. She doesn't seem to know to pronounce the word asymptote.. instead she kinda just mixes her letters together, usually to form something along the lines of aspmymtote. Drives me up the wall...
And for some unexplainable reason she can't say the word it once.. it always comes out twice. Who knows these days... education system is going down the drain.

Posted by: Krista at January 4, 2006 10:51 PM

I absolutely HATE when football announcers call a shovel pass a SHUTTLE pass or a SHUFFLE pass...or when they call the Jacksonville Jaguars the JagWIRES.

Posted by: mATT CROWTHER at January 4, 2006 11:53 PM

My girlfriend refers to Johnny Cash as...


Money Jack.


Life is so much funnier when you share it with dyslectics.

Posted by: Pol at January 5, 2006 1:24 AM

Once in some science class ages ago a classmate said "single-cell orgasms" instead of "single-cell oranisms"

Posted by: teiso at January 5, 2006 1:34 AM

During a family get-together, we ended up playing one of those board games where you have to list or guess the names of famous people before the little sand timer runs out or you have a heart attack...whichever comes first.

Anyway, we were doing something with presidents, and my sister, who is a 27-year-old college graduate, kept yelling "George Jefferson! George Jefferson!" over and over again.

That's funny unto itself, but the really scary part was that my father and I were the only ones who knew why it was funny.

I thought my family was intelligent, but it turns out we're The Bundy's. Let's hear it for American ejumacation...

Posted by: Jags at January 5, 2006 4:39 AM

My friend's mom pronounces it "Sane-field". As opposed to Steinberg that isn't even a name - now THAT'S funny. =D

Posted by: simon at January 5, 2006 5:29 AM

My group at work supports SQL Server, and we regularly build new servers. To simplify, and standardize, we created an un-attended installation package. We recently assigned the build process to a new person, and now we have an unintended install. I guess we just accidentally install SQL Server. Whatever. The customers don't seem to mind that we've lost our purpose.

Also, to the cookie monster ... I'll happily hug a koala bear. I'll just wait till the zany bastard gets so stoned on the eucalyptus leaves that it falls out of the tree. Hopefully I'll get there before the carnivores arrive & devour it. But I'll come back with both my eyes.

Posted by: Dumbass at January 5, 2006 6:28 AM

My mom's boyfriends calls Adam Sandler "Adam Standler".

Posted by: Alice at January 5, 2006 6:42 AM

I had a film professor pronounce anime like "ah-neem." No one knew what he was talking about until he showed the film, Akira. I still can't get over that one.

Posted by: Special K at January 5, 2006 6:44 AM

My grandfather was famous for adding 's' to names that didn't have it, swiping them from names which did have an 's'. Thus, he'd go shopping at K-Marts and Targets, and have some fast food at McDonald and Wendy. *sigh*

Posted by: Darla at January 5, 2006 6:46 AM

I worked at a Disney Store in South Texas and being so close to the border we get alot of shoppers from Mexico. One such lady from Mexico came in and asked us for the video "Beauty and the Breast"

If we had any of those, Im sure I would have picked up a copy myself.

Posted by: Adam at January 5, 2006 7:13 AM

I used to refer to my old boyfriend's father as Mr. Malaprop. He also enjoyed "Steinfield" as well as "that Butkiss and Beaver," which I assume was Beavis and Butthead, but may well have had something to do with hunting with retired football players.

Posted by: dorf at January 5, 2006 7:44 AM

My sister likes to draw with her "crayongs," and after a few drinks my grandmother likes to entertain us with a rousing rendition of JOHN JACOB JINGLE HEIMERSH**

Posted by: you crackwhore from longbeach! at January 5, 2006 7:48 AM

In my 20th century history class, during a lecture on the Nazis, my professor was talking about the atrocious experiments done by Dr. Men-gely. Men-gely this, Men-gely that - until I finally realized she was talking about Josef Mengele (Man-gulluh). A COLLEGE HISTORY PROFESSOR, people!

Although I must admit that I do drink "expressos" and "wersh" the dishes.

Posted by: Kate at January 5, 2006 7:48 AM

The song "2 of Hearts", my mom would sing 2 poptarts---wow what is worse than your mom singing?? Singing it WRONG!!
My husband's sister would sing I left my
brains down in Africa... for the song Africa.
Well, she definitely left them somewhere.

Posted by: TaB at January 5, 2006 7:51 AM

>Once in some science class ages ago a classmate said "single-cell orgasms" instead of "single-cell oranisms"

Posted by teiso

This wasn't a 7th grade science class in Germany, was it? I'm guilty of that one myself.

Posted by: Istie at January 5, 2006 7:54 AM

In my college Probablitites and Statistics class, our teacher was from some other country, and always prounounced math as "meth".

We always got a real kick out of it when he suggested we go to the math lab.

Posted by: Mark at January 5, 2006 7:56 AM

A friend of mine had dinner with a family who kept shouting "pass me the BALLSmatic vinegar" to each other.

Posted by: 3pk at January 5, 2006 7:58 AM

After watching Men In Black, I was confident that a Ford POS was an actual model Ford was excited to provide for consumers of years past. I have since been corrected for any concerned.(found out about a year ago)

My husbands father conducted frequent raids in his teen bedroom and seized any "bangs" which would pass for a simple pipe with no bong like qualities involved. After growing up, wait....do men grow up? Anyways, shortly after moving, out his father was spotted around town by friends sporting a t-shirt left behind with the 420 spoof of 409 cleaner. Most excellent considering he was a 60 something, snow capped town official at the time. (my husband was 18)

Real quick, hubby has a t-shirt that reads Wake and Bake with a picture of the Pillsbury Doughboy on it and was approached by an elderly woman who exclaimed, "You must love to bake!". Priceless.

Posted by: Mile at January 5, 2006 8:22 AM

When I was 4 or 5 I came home from pre-school or kindergarten and informed my mother that I knew all about "Hamber Lakenville who lived in a log cabin"... you know, Hamber Lakenville, the 16th president. Freed the slaves? Yeah, that one.

Posted by: 7b at January 5, 2006 8:32 AM

klimbergmer (Limburger)
acourse (Of course)
Stick (Schtick)
Bassetball (Basketball)
Soffball (Softball)
Caffy (Cafe)
Jag (Jog)
runway (Runaway)

Posted by: Chrissa at January 5, 2006 8:34 AM

I love this-- My brother got caught stealing Rolo's when he was 15 years old and back then and to this day my mother says he was stealing Rolaids.

My Grandmother has Fernch Prevential Furniture (French Provincial).

Here's a question I was "aksed". If I got 26 chickens and five die how many does that leave?" I said 21. He said no, 15. I said they were sick!! ( 20 sick chickens).

Posted by: joejelks at January 5, 2006 9:13 AM

My mom thought that the name of that 80's Ricky Schroder sitcom about the rich kid who llives with his toy designer dad was called 'Plastic Spoons'.

Plastic Spoons could be the same show, if it were set in the ghetto. heh.

Posted by: Laurie at January 5, 2006 9:34 AM

Last night the wife and I stopped at a local gas station. it was arab owned and no not A Rab owned. But what was really funny is the ATM machine was next to the bathrooms. One mens one womens and it seems the mens room was out of order and the sign on the door said "out to order" and the sign on the womens room said "bisexual" I started laughing so my wife came over and I said to her hey honey you try it first and if she's hot knock twice and I'll join you.

Posted by: Dave at January 5, 2006 9:35 AM

My 9 year old daughter wanted to make a "revolution" for New Years.
Breakfast is "breck ass" and sometimes at school she has a "subspitute" teacher.

Posted by: Susie at January 5, 2006 9:48 AM

i love it when people say "V at my knees" when they mean Vietnamese.

Posted by: fuunnnny at January 5, 2006 9:50 AM

My grandmother refers to Oprah as Ofra no matter how many times you correct her.

Posted by: Andrea at January 5, 2006 10:05 AM

Oh! And I forgot... things that drive me batshit:

Melk (milk)
Pellow (pellow)
WaRsh (wash... I FUCKING HATE THIS ONE!)
Drawer (as in, one who draws, not as in "dresser")


Oh, and people who get words a little mixed up can drive me nuts. I work part time at Borders and I once had someone say to me, "I'm looking for the autobiography of Tommy Franks, but I don't know who writes it."

Posted by: Andrea at January 5, 2006 10:13 AM

I love to make smoke come out of my younger co-worker's ears by referring to 50 Cent as 'that Fifty Pennies Guy'.

Posted by: Jim at January 5, 2006 10:15 AM

Copied and pasted into Word, these comments make 100 pages, single-spaced. I say, publish it!

Posted by: Andy at January 5, 2006 10:24 AM

My wife and her mother both refer to the roadside accumulations of wintery precipitation as "snow-bankins." Gives me chest pains every time.

They both also say "so don't I" when they mean "so do I." I wish they'd just say "me too" and cut me a break.

Once when my wife and I first started dating, I asked her to grab a CD out of the glove box and throw it on. It was dark out, so I couldn't see what she was doing, but after a bit of shuffling about, she asked "How about this... Mocky-ness...? What is that? Mockyness..." Clueless, I took it from her and flipped on the dome light.

It was "Concentration," by MACHINES of Loving Grace. After six years, I still refer to it as "Mocky-ness."

And lastly, my French-Canadian Grandmother ("Memére") refers to her favorite outerwear and sporting goods store as "L.M. Beam."

Posted by: B. Jason Ouellette at January 5, 2006 10:31 AM

When my girlfriend and I get into an argument, and she starts to get worked up, she likes to tell me how "fustrating" I can be.

Posted by: Tony at January 5, 2006 10:58 AM

Didn't you know "The Aviator" was about Hugh Hefner?

Posted by: Amy at January 5, 2006 11:03 AM

OK Dana, You got me on the Chipolte, It was a misspelling I do say it correctly though as "Chipotlay" Thanks for catching that....

Posted by: Amy S at January 5, 2006 11:08 AM

My mother was trying to explain to me about someone's kid taking ticonderoga lessons. I thought pencils were pretty simple to use and didn't really merit lessons. After several minutes of her explaination and the deer-in-the-headlights look on my face I figured out that the kid was taking Tae Kwon Do lessons.

Posted by: Anne at January 5, 2006 11:12 AM

My friend's granddad refers to Lesbians as "Lebanons". Not Lebanese, Lebanons.

He once asked my (not gay) friend, "Are you one of those Lebanons?"

She said "no, my family's italian."

Posted by: Honey at January 5, 2006 11:26 AM

People who say these things should have their tongues forcibly removed:

larnyx instead of larynx
foilage instead of foliage
Westconsin instead of Wisconsin (!!!)
melk instead of milk
heeliocopter instead of helicopter
ahh, there's too many.

But while I'm at it, it's "CHAMPING at the bit," "BUCK naked," and "I COULDN'T care less."
Whew... I feel better.

Posted by: chocky3000 at January 5, 2006 11:41 AM

My Grandmother doesn't so much as butcher movie titles, as she does combine them to form new and exciting releases.

Check your local theater listings for these soon to be classics:

Ace Ventura: The Great Outdoors

Something About Bob

and my all time favorite,
Star Wars: When Clones Attack

Posted by: Danny at January 5, 2006 11:42 AM

KRISTENMARY!!!!

SPELT????????

Spelled. Not Spelt...Seriously, that's just sad.

Posted by: Jen at January 5, 2006 12:22 PM

My mother-in-law keeps "Kesslers" Vodka on hand for me in her bar. I have trouble ordering Kettle One by anyother name now.

Posted by: Tim at January 5, 2006 12:27 PM

My friends mom the other day was raving about the documentary of children learning to dance called "Hot Room Balldancing" (Mad Hot Ballroom)

Posted by: Pam at January 5, 2006 12:38 PM

When my younger cousin was a toddler he called the Dairy Queen the "Dirty Clean". The rest of the family just joined him after a few years and a tradition was born.

Posted by: Rags at January 5, 2006 12:39 PM

I work for Victoria's Secret and it drives me absolutely nuts when people call it "Victoria Secrets."

Posted by: JJ at January 5, 2006 12:42 PM

when i was a kid, i used to call firetrucks firef*cks. instead of correcting me, my mom would have me tell all of her friends about them...

Posted by: jesica at January 5, 2006 12:50 PM

I blame the movie Aladdin for teaching me to pronounce the w in the word "sword". It's partcularly embarassing reading the word and not realizing I've pronounced it incorrectly until someone asks me what a "s-ward" is

Posted by: Lindsay at January 5, 2006 12:53 PM

A friend told me about a college professor he'd had who kept talking, in his heavy accent, about "lemon-sauce atoms". The whole class was confused, until somone realized he was trying to say "elements of atoms" (still incorrect).

I used to work with a woman who was from Ma-sippi and celebrated her birfday.

I dated a guy who, when I said the word "orthodontia", accused me of picking up his East Coast accent and dropping the "R" off the end of the word. All his life he thought it was orthodonTURE.

I got in trouble once for laughing at my mom when she was reading aloud and pronounced the word "ZIT-geist". But I really thought it was a great term.

As for myself, as a kid I asked my mom who the Nazzies were.

Posted by: cake at January 5, 2006 1:03 PM

My Mom once invented the word "unstraightenoutable", as in the phrase, "Although your brother's car was in an accident, it's not unstraightenoutable."

Posted by: Silly Dan at January 5, 2006 1:07 PM

Growing up with a father from another country, I not only had the 'foreigner' speak, but later the 'old & confused foreigner' speak. The state, North Carolina, was pronounced by my pops as: "North Callorina". Helmet was pronounced as "Hemlet". The insurance company, triple A, was referred to as "three A's". This also shifted over to names, which he will never get right. I was dating a girl named Victoria, once, and she called up. Of course, pops answered the phone and yelled to me, "Omar, it's Gloria on the phone!"
That's my dad.

Posted by: omie at January 5, 2006 1:14 PM

I'm never gona forget my dads favorite movie since he keeps bringing it up when he's drunk, "God's Father", with Marlon Brandoes, and his favorite actor, Al Pochino.

Posted by: Rockchild at January 5, 2006 1:18 PM

"Valentimes Day" instead of "Valentines Day"

"Happy New Years" instead of "Happy New Year" ... I actually saw a sign this year outside of a business that said "Happy New Year's"

Most annoying to me is confusion in writing words such as "one" and "won", and "know" and "no" - that drives me crazy. "I don't no why!"

Posted by: Kevin at January 5, 2006 1:25 PM

A professor at my college, a man who earned a doctorate and taught research, would stand in front of the class and relate to us the importance of "sasistics" in our research. Having him repeat this at least 30 times in 10 minutes would have half the class looking around the room to see if they were the only one having an autitory hallucination, and a few muttering "staTIStics!" under their breath, hoping to subliminally get him to catch on. He never did. Good thing he retired this year!

Posted by: chauncy at January 5, 2006 1:28 PM

"I had to make a whole-nother trip to the store because I forgot to buy milk."

*Name withheld as I am guilty of uttering this once or twice. Please don't judge me too harshly. :)

Posted by: **** at January 5, 2006 1:36 PM

My buddy was once telling us on a campout about a man who died poor and penniless although his practices are still used today and should he still be alive, he would be a rich man. Who was this man?

According to him Louis Papsmear.

Who was he really? Louis Pasteur.

Posted by: Tom at January 5, 2006 2:00 PM

Thanks to my Grandma, we all now enjoy "Cheeri-oats"

Posted by: Ross at January 5, 2006 2:06 PM

I had a college Biochem professor who was from Uruguay and spoke with a heavy accent. He pronounced both "protein" and "proton" as "protin". So it was horribly confusing when he was talking about a protein losing a proton because it became a protin losing a protin. Man I couldn't stand it.

Posted by: Joe at January 5, 2006 2:07 PM

I always hate it when someone says they are going "accrost" the street, or when Paul Tuttle has a bright "idear", or when people "warsh" their hands.

Posted by: Chris Choas at January 5, 2006 2:09 PM

I was once thanked for the story about the cute pangwings.

Oh, and don't forget my mom, when full to bursting: "I'm going to have an experiment!"

Posted by: avelacuna at January 5, 2006 2:14 PM

In the Madonna song "Vogue" I thought for years she was saying "gingivitis" instead of Ginger Rogers.

I also thought in the Bon Jovi song, "Livin' On a Prayer" that he said, "I don't care if we're naked or not" instead of "make it or not."

And finally, in that Flashdance song, for years when she said, "take your passion" I thought she was saying, "take your pants off."

It was kind of disappointing when I found out it was different than I originally thought.

Posted by: Rachel at January 5, 2006 2:16 PM

We had one of our Architectural interns tell a client that he was going to send her all of the 'sexual' (sectional) details of her new home....

Posted by: Architect at January 5, 2006 2:22 PM

My step dad was a bit of a goon. He'd always murder the names of movies. The best and most puzzling of his mistakes was shortly after "City Slickers" came out on video.
We rented the film one night and after we ate dinner, he put up his plate and asked if we were going to put on "Nasty City".

Posted by: Joel at January 5, 2006 2:27 PM

Great responses! Thanks everyone for making me laugh.

Has anyone else experienced "the phantom R," which disappears where it belongs and reappears where it doesn't belong? The one I'm talking about comes from somewhere between Massachusetts and New Jersey I think.

Example:

"Eriker, I have an idear. Why don't you invite Ider ova and then you can drink some soder?"

My mum was a Massachusetts girl who ran away to Brooklyn. She had the most horrifying accent imaginable, kind of like a cross between Edith Bunker and Norm Klavin except more hostile and more nasal. Thank goodness she eventually toned it down.

Posted by: Erika at January 5, 2006 3:03 PM

I sometimes accidentally say "beet chucks" instead of "butt cheeks" when I talk really fast.

Posted by: AMP at January 5, 2006 4:42 PM

I know someone that says "Woofs" when he is really trying to say "Wolves."

Posted by: blah at January 5, 2006 4:45 PM

Oh my god, there are to many song lyrics to mention.
TLC- Dont go chasing waterfalls, my little cuz kept saying "Go-go bacon waterfalls".
That song that says "lover come back to me" was always sung as "bubblegum factory" by me and my sister.
And that "take me to the clouds above" song by U2 vs someone or ratherhad many, including:
"take me to the power bar"
"Take me to crowded bar"
"Take me to the catholic bar".
Some of these could be mistaken for a bad lisp, as for stuff like pit's (pet's) and fush (fish), ect. Thats those crazy new zealanders.
There's a actual, technical word for mispronouced words, I just cat remember what it is.
btw, im not racist, I hate everyone.

Posted by: Cooie Monster at January 5, 2006 5:04 PM

I lived in Japan for over 15 years. The list gutbustingly endless. See www.engrish.com.

Posted by: LMS at January 5, 2006 5:05 PM

Oooh and what about bought and brought? which one's right? are they both?

Posted by: Cookie Monster at January 5, 2006 5:06 PM

Okay, there were too many to read but I don't think anyone else has ever experienced this particular mispronunciation. Sophomore year of high school I had a history teacher who pronounced "fascism" as "FA-SEE-ISM." No one is quite sure why, but we continue to call it such even as seniors, much to our more recent teachers' confusion. I'm pretty sure my teacher last year almost had a seizure after hearing it.

Posted by: kateye at January 5, 2006 5:22 PM

My mom had a beautiful little hanging plant called a "wandering jew." My dad couldn't recall the name of it once and instead called it the "creeping Jesus." We never forgot that one.

Posted by: Zoe at January 5, 2006 5:24 PM

I would pretty much be correct in saying my father can't speak properly, but one of his disasters that sticks out in my mind the most was when he asked every clerk in the store where he could pick up some "Caribou" Wax. Instead of Carnauba Wax. I don't think one of them managed to keep a straight face.

Posted by: Tia at January 5, 2006 5:48 PM

When the Prez says, nuke-u-ler, that always drives me crazy.

In middle school, while playing football, one of my buddies said he had been pushed "out of balance" instead of out of bounds.

Posted by: Snidely at January 5, 2006 6:14 PM

OMG those HUGO HOLIDAY PICS are ALSOME Steve !!!!1!1!!!11!

Posted by: desmondelewis at January 5, 2006 6:42 PM

two words: STAR TRACK!

Posted by: Johnnie at January 5, 2006 6:45 PM

We have a friend whose parents apparently called the show "Six Feet Deep" instead of "Six Feet Under"...so my hubby & I have called it that ever since!

Posted by: Tracy at January 5, 2006 7:01 PM

okay, i remembered a few more. so sue me.

my mom used to pronounce fox mulder's name (from x-files) "mul-DAR." emphasis on the DAR.

my boyfriend told me that, when he was little, he thought mick jagger's name was "McJagger." i guess he didn't think there was a first name.

i used to think j edgar hoover's name was "j ed gerhoover."

yesterday, i was talking to a co-worker about the daily show, and she said, "oh, the daily show with carson daly?" i think she felt like a huge moron after i corrected her. too bad i don't know her well enough to constantly make fun of her about it.

when my brother was little, he once read aloud the FBI warning text that comes on before a VHS movie. however, he pronounced FBI as "fee-bee-ell." that was hilarious.

a have a friend who always makes fun of people who say "nuke-u-LAR," but then he does it himself! all the time! my gag reflex kicks-in every time i try to say it that way. ugh.

i once told my boyfriend to "eat the phone" instead of answer it. he remembers it well.

as for people with weird new england accents, i just moved to RI from arizona, and the accents here are really strange to me. i have a co-worker who knits (like i do), and she always says "pah-ern" for pattern. like there are no t's in the word. sometimes i can't understand her because her accent is so thick!

that's all for now.

Posted by: mary (again) at January 5, 2006 7:22 PM

damn it! why can't i remember these until it's too late! one more...

a friend of mine had a teacher in college who pronounced the word twelve as "terl." i have no idea how that is possible, but english was obviously not the guy's first language.

Posted by: mary (jesus! again!) at January 5, 2006 7:24 PM

My mom once told everyone that Zamfir played the skin-flute. She totally meant the pan-flute.

And one day I was in a hurry at the store so I told my husband to go get the chick and thunky salsa.

Oh and my son really likes buzzghetti.

Posted by: Mandy at January 5, 2006 7:33 PM

As a reference librarian, I get all kinds of mixed up names of authors, misspellings, and of course, slightly off titles. The funniest one yet?

A student came in looking for literary criticism on "The Red BAG of Courage."

Very adamant that it was a red bag. It was all we could do to not roll on the floor in fits of mirth while the student insisted on typing that title into various literature databases over and over until FINALLY they consented to change "bag" to "badge." The real kicker was that after finding an article about the "badge" the student says "well, I still say it's bag...maybe we can find some books?"

I had to excuse myself to the bathroom.

Posted by: san antone rose at January 5, 2006 7:39 PM

I once wrote a manual on investigating mortgage lending discrimination and when I showed it to my lawyer boss after it came back from the printer he opened up to a random page and started laughing.

Instead of 'public welfare' I had written 'pubic welfare.'

Thanks, spell checker.

Posted by: Mark at January 5, 2006 7:45 PM

A couple from my parents...mom has caps on her front teeth and can't say biscuit. She says "bistit."

My dad was fond of riding in pub(l)ic elevators and going to the pub(l)ic library. (yes, pew-blic).

That's my fambly!

Also, I started saying "womban" for "woman" while researching Woody Guthrie. He used that a lot. So now my hubby calls me womban.

And then the plethora of establishments:

Taco Hell
Diamond Shamcock (now Valero! = Bolero!)
NacNonald's (courtesy of my niece, when she was 3)
RuddFucker's
Texas Roadho (roadhouse - steaks, chicken and more!)
Gucc-E-B (central market fancypants H-E-B grocery)

Posted by: san antone rose at January 5, 2006 8:00 PM

A high school friend answered a Scholar's Bowl question about 'Helen of Troy' with 'Helena Troy'.

Favorite confused song title "Gypsies, Chimpanzees" instead of "Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves".

Posted by: ZIRA at January 5, 2006 8:05 PM

My brother and I always laugh at my dad, because he always seems to get actors names wrong. Our favorite was always "Dana Garvy" and Will 'Furr-ell'. Oh the laughs. Guess they're just not so funny to others, but ya know.....

Posted by: Stan French at January 5, 2006 8:12 PM

Ted Nougat's music does suck.

And speaking of music:

It's a long way to the shop when you want a sausage roll...(ACDC)

Bore-me-o (Ravel's Bolero)

Moatzart (thanks, mom! you paid for my music degree...call him whatever you like)

WAGner

Posted by: san antone rose at January 5, 2006 8:27 PM

This is addictive. I can't...stop...help!

My geometry teacher once said "Now we'll just circumsize this circle." (circumscribe) Too bad it wasn't a cylinder.

Posted by: san antone rose at January 5, 2006 8:31 PM

My Dad insistently refers to Woody Allen as Dustin Hoffman. He's been doing it for years, decades, actally, and he's absolutely sure that's who it is.

He has a lot of confusions like that and I've often wondered if it was something generational, or just drunkeness; he was born the year before Nosferatu.

Posted by: afigbee at January 5, 2006 9:12 PM

Oh, man...thanks Steve and everyone who posted! My sides ache. I just read through 'em all and now have a few new favorites:

Macaroni Factory

ducebag

Captian Morgan's Old Man and the Sea

Notary Republican

And my super favorite:

creeping Jesus!

Posted by: san antone rose at January 5, 2006 9:37 PM

My grandpa (rest his soul) always thought the Chic-Fil-A restaurant was the "Chic-a-fil". Of course, we always call it the Chic-a-fil now.

My grandparents' idea of taking us to the beach was driving to Daytona where we could drive on the beach in the Ford Galaxy 500, windows rolled up tightly and A/C on, with us kids' noses pressed against the glass wishing we could get out. On one such trip, someone on the beach tossed an errant frisbee that bounced off Granpa's windshield. "Damned freebies!", he said. So, of course, we that is our battle cry whenever we see someone throwing a frisbee.

Posted by: Bob at January 5, 2006 10:49 PM

When he was a small child, my brother pronounced Pontiac as "Body-ack." Also, his toenails were "finger toes."

My four-year-old renames all her movies. For some it's not such a big deal. Finding Nemo is just Nemo, Monsters Inc. is just Monsters, and The Incredibles is Increbbles. But now she's getting carried away. Valiant is "Pigeon" and Thomas' Sodor Celebration is "Diesels of Sodor!" Ice Age is "Baby Movie," Secret of NIMH is "Mouse," A Bug's Life is "Beetle." And, lest we forget, Toy Story and Toy Story 2 are, respectively, "Another One Buzz Year," and "Buzz Year."

Oh, and she calls her grandfather "Apple." Only it sounds more like AH-po. Don't ask me how it came to be; she was all of 18 months old at the time.

Also, her favorite food is "nack-a-noni," and when she is not yet dressed she is "mekkid." And she, like my brother in his childhood, goes swimming in a "baby soup."

Posted by: Sleepless Mama at January 5, 2006 11:05 PM

Kerala is a small southern state in India and is among the most beautiful. However, the english language has the lowest penetration here than other major states.

Menu card in a Motel we stopped by says, "Todays Special: American Choppussy"
We didnt eat there.

Posted by: Susheel at January 5, 2006 11:35 PM

OK, I'm an educated, intelligent person. However, I do say "melk", a "whole-nother" and "I could care less." The latter makes perfect sense to me because I COULD care less, but I don't. I think these are all the sad results of growing up in different regions of the northeast.

Posted by: Shannon at January 6, 2006 12:12 AM

My 4yr old has refers to earings as earlings. She's been doing it for about 2yrs now and I think she just says it to be silly now. Smart ass she is!

My dad's side of the family has forever called the days of the week, Mondee, Tuesdee, Wensdee and so on.

My biggest pet peeve involves home reno/decorating shows when people refer to the front hall/entrance way as a foyer (foy-yur)!!!

It's Foy-yay people. It's a french word, you don't pronounce the "R".

carry-on...

Posted by: Homer at January 6, 2006 1:14 AM

My Grandma has a habit of saying vegetable the way its spelt. It not veg-ta-bul like a normal person would say, it's veg-it-a-bul. She also says Raviolli (to us sane people its Rav-ee-olee) she says Rav-ee-ol-eye.
I nearly pass out when we have raviolli and vegetables in one sitting.
Im addicted too.

Posted by: The Cookie Monster at January 6, 2006 1:56 AM

My friend says "StarBRUCKS"... it drives me mad!

Posted by: Lizzie at January 6, 2006 5:06 AM

@homer

Actually, it's more like Fwah-yáy.

Posted by: Pol at January 6, 2006 5:10 AM

My dad likes to say "exhilarate" instead of "accelerate".

Although accelerating may actually be exhilarating, they are not the same thing.

Posted by: Johnnylaw at January 6, 2006 6:52 AM

my brother used to eat 'Girl cheese' sandwiches and we put things in our car's 'glove department'.

A guy in high school had a person who was always in opposition to him...he was his 'nemis'.

Posted by: glenn at January 6, 2006 7:23 AM

what about people typing "ALOT" instead of a lot? hate it............has something changed since I went to school? ALSO,
my wife says window "SEAL" instead of 'sill'.

Posted by: glenn at January 6, 2006 7:26 AM

My 2-year-old kid says 'Crusty the Snowman', since he has no real concept of 'frostiness' yet (we live on the California coast), but he definitely knows what crust is. Unfortunately this makes poor Frosty sound like some demented Simpsons character. I like it.

Posted by: Paul at January 6, 2006 7:56 AM

I've noticed that a fair amount of people who posted here have mentioned the prevalence of "melk." I thought this was a Lutheran thing. When I lived in Michigan, I knew one person who said "melk," and she happened to be Lutheran. Upon moving to Minnesota, Land Of The Lutherans, I heard it everywhere. Can anyone shed some light on this?

Posted by: Special K at January 6, 2006 8:17 AM

I have a friend that says measure "may -sure"
instead of "meh-sure." And this really annoying woman I work with pronounced Sri Lanka "Surrey Lanka". I hate her.

Posted by: Jen at January 6, 2006 8:23 AM

The local grocery store is called the Grand Union but my grandmother always says, "Grand Unit"

Posted by: nik at January 6, 2006 8:43 AM

"have you ever snooted drugs? You can tell me, I'm your mother!"

Posted by: shirky at January 6, 2006 8:53 AM

Shannon: "The latter makes perfect sense to me because I COULD care less, but I don't."

Then you've got the meaning wrong. The whole idea is that you couldn't possibly care less. If you could care less, then you do care about whatever you're talking about, which is the opposite of what you're trying to say.
And yes, I'm one of those people that gets really bothered by this.
Chipoltay and Nukular also drive me up a wall.

Posted by: Matt at January 6, 2006 9:24 AM

I work with a lady who constantly mispronounces words, the one that grates on my nerves the most?

"My boss is always hoovering over me"

now what the hell does a vacuum cleaner of the ex head of the FBI have to do with your boss? even though I have even tried to make her get it by using the word hovercraft in a sentence. (yeah, you try finging a way to work that in to a conversation) she has never caught on...

Posted by: Kathy at January 6, 2006 9:36 AM

can't believe I spelled figuring wrong...

Posted by: Kathy at January 6, 2006 9:37 AM

I was reading one up there when I realized I say "pacific" instead of "specific"

Also when I was a little kid a had a lisp and my parents would make me say "Slap yourself silly" only the lisp made me say "Shlap yourshelf shilly"

Posted by: Alyssa at January 6, 2006 9:45 AM

A friend of mine refers to the latched container in the right front passenger seat of a car as the 'glove department'.

Posted by: Gerald at January 6, 2006 9:51 AM

It was 1975 and one of the topics for the our regional Forensic Competition was " Famous Speeches". As one might expect, a participant selected Martin Luther King Jr. and his "I Have a Dream" speech.
Focusing on the final paragraph, for five hilarious minutes we were left invisioning his dreams of
"black men and white men, Jews and"..... genitals.......

Posted by: Mara at January 6, 2006 9:55 AM

When I was younger, I called my dad on his (mis)pronounciation of "oxygen". The way he says it, it's more like ox-sha-gun.
I said "No, dad, it's ox-e-gen" and he said "Yeah, ox-sha-gun."
I've since stopped trying to correct him.

Posted by: GAC at January 6, 2006 9:56 AM

One of the things that irks me the most is when people use the word "verse" as a verb for competition. Ever since I was a kid and other kids would say "I want to verse you in street fighter" I was annoyed by it. So wait, you're going to part of a song me in street fighter? It makes absolutely no sense at all.

Someone mentioned "alot" earlier. "Alot" is acceptable slang.

Posted by: Dan at January 6, 2006 10:02 AM

@ LMS:
Have you ever heard a japanese scientist try to say "Chlorophyll?" It comes out something like "Kuroruforiru." That is, after he tries it a few times.

@ Cookie Monster:
"brought" = had something with you. He brought us a plate of cookies.

"bought" = purchased. In order to make the cookies, he bought some chocolate from the store.


when I was a teenager, my girlfriend used to refer to the cable channel HBO as "home box."

My mother is also a culprit of going to the store to buy some "soder."

This may venture off topic, but my eldest sister refers to all things oriental as "chinese." This includes sushi, green tea, kimonos and my korean friend Dane.

Posted by: Dan at January 6, 2006 10:37 AM

When I was young, my little brother (4 or 5 at the time) sat down for supper with my family. We were having Peameal Bacon (aka. Canadian Bacon) that night.

Brother: "What's this?"

Mother: "It's called Peameal Bacon. It's good. Try it!"

Brother: *stares at his plate in disgust*

Mother: "What's wrong?"

Brother: "Exactly which part of the female pig is this?"

Of course instead of explaining to my little brother that it's called 'PEAmeal Bacon' and not 'FEMALE Bacon' we just laughed in his face and have been calling it Female Bacon ever since. haha :-)
(also my brother still won't eat peameal bacon to this day)

Posted by: Rebecca at January 6, 2006 11:00 AM

I used to say "By any stretch of the means".......my friend corrected me - probably the first time he ever heard me mix it up. For some odd reason it didn't sink in, and the next time he got piping hot mad, so ever since, I can't help but intentionally screw it up......just to see his veins bulge.

And as a kid, I thought that city in Minnesota was a small version of Maryland's capital: Miniannapolis.

Posted by: Ooter at January 6, 2006 11:00 AM

My father-in-law has the habit of changing movie titles: He adds a plural when it doesn't have one and removes it if it does. He also adds a "The" at the beginning if it doesn't have one, and removes it if it does.

As a joke, my wife and I now try to keep a straight face and order our tickets at the theater box office in this style.

Recently, we cracked up when buying tickets for "The Million Dollar Babies"

Posted by: m2 at January 6, 2006 11:01 AM

The other night I was at my firend's restaurant in the East Village. I was one of three customers, and all of us were sitting at the bar. The owner kept switching out our awesome music for Japanese Easy Listening, so David (friend) decided to put on his amazing Guns n' Roses DVD. He asked the girls to close their eyes, and when they opened, to guess the band. They couldn't for the life of them recognize Axl Rose through their martini-eyes, so I asked if they recognized the guitarist. A few minutes later, one of them screamed "Flash! How could I forget Flash?" The other girl did not correct her, and they discussed their relief that they were safe from serious chagrin. After we heard them repeat "Flash" about seven times, David committed the faux pas of telling them the truth.

Posted by: Leah at January 6, 2006 11:34 AM

Also, when my best friend was little, he thought that the Popeye's Fried Chicken sign said "Pope-yes."

Posted by: Leah at January 6, 2006 11:41 AM

One of my teachers back in college once was discussing a book in class and asserted that something was "like a rum droll".

After we'd finished blinking, one of the more adventurous students in the class asked him, "A what?"

"A rum droll," he repeated. To emphasize his point, he pantomimed, rhythmically beating his desk with his hand. "You know, when you droll a rum."

Breathing a little easier, the same student as before said "Oh! A drum roll!" To which the teacher blinked in turn and asked, "Yeah, isn't that what I said?" And then, seeing all of us suppressing giggles, he caved: "Wait, what did I say?"

That was stretching the concept of a mental hiccup almost to the breaking point, I think.

Posted by: Snufkin at January 6, 2006 12:19 PM

There's this guy named George... apprently he's like the most powerful guy in the world. One of the only people authorized to use nuclear weapons. Maybe you've heard of him.

Yeah, well, he pronounces it NUKE-YA-LER.

Do you ever wonder if anyone around him has the balls to say anything about it? Or if they all just start saying it that way too?

Posted by: Ham Hammersly at January 6, 2006 12:36 PM

My brother (who was in his 20's) meant to say Lazy Susan but called it a Dumb Betty. It's been a Dumb Betty ever since.

Posted by: Christine at January 6, 2006 12:37 PM

I keep thinking of more...A family friend has provided us with a wealth of oft-repeated mangled sayings, including "Three-quarters of one, half a dozen of the other" and "That's not my bag of tea."

I had a coworker who used the phrase "anal redundant" several times in a conversation - not meaning to say "redundant" or "anal retentive", just using it as a synonym for "crazy". That would be pretty crazy, I guess, having a spare asshole.

At an all-night restaurant after going out on the town, my more-than-slightly inebriated friend asked the waitress politely, "Can we have cheparate sex?"

Favorite misheard lyric: a coworker's interpreting "Life in the Fast Lane" as "Wipin' the Vaseline".

Posted by: cake at January 6, 2006 12:45 PM

I had a Calculus professor in college who said he'd allow us to bring a two-sided "chi-chi" to our final exam. We all knew he meant "cheat sheet" but kept asking to repeat himself. He eventually wrote "chi-chi" out on the board and we all cracked up even harder.

Posted by: mikey at January 6, 2006 12:52 PM

Dan -

Oriental is an offensive term to Asians. Just an FYI.

Posted by: JJ at January 6, 2006 1:24 PM

My roomate referred to the garment that women wear to the beach to cover their bathing suits as "schlong". She meant sarong. Mixing up slang for male genitalia for a peice of women's clothing is priceless.

Posted by: courtney at January 6, 2006 1:30 PM

My 2 year old daughter told me that her friend at school, "Vagina" took her barrettes. 'Sposed to be Gianna :-)

Posted by: Mel at January 6, 2006 1:30 PM

My Dad (who's painfully over-educated), has always said "avaidable," as opposed to the widely-accepted "available." He also says "worsh" instead of "wash," and "sherbert" instead of "sherbet." (Look it up, folks--only one R in sherbet!)

My best friend's dad always says "Grand Pricks" instead of "Grand Prix." This makes us laugh endlessly, because we are SUCH adults.

Posted by: Krooie at January 6, 2006 1:43 PM

Amy S. writes that she corrects her husbands pronunciation of "chipotlay" to "chipolte"...

I waited, I tried to think nice thoughts, and even bit my toungue... honestly...

But I can't do it anymore. Amy. It is really "Chipotle" NOT "Chipolte" 8^)

I had to say something.

Posted by: Brad at January 6, 2006 1:45 PM

I think I have a real original here. My freind in first period is in love with subway's new

Chicken "PARVAJOHN"

Sandwiches. Cracks me up, especially with the expression on his face. My grandpa says "pokey-man" reffering to pokemon.

Posted by: Bruce at January 6, 2006 2:19 PM

I work with a constant supply of these things. Between two ladies, I've learned to get money from the "credick" union, wear "Playtex" gloves to avoid germs, pity the people hurt in the "tusami", avoid Indians so I don't get "scalloped", and so on. When I called the girl who held my job a few years ago my predecessor, one of them lauged and added "And that's not the worst she's been called!" As for subject verb agreement, forget about it! I could go on for hours, so I'll skip to the best one.

I went to college with a very very pretentious English major who once couldn't hear her friend and told him it was because the AUTISTICS in the room were so bad!

So many oklahomans....

Posted by: Molly at January 6, 2006 2:22 PM

I knew a guy who always said "pacifically" when he meant , "specifically". Also those who think a military regiment that uses horses is a "calvary" and that men can get cancer in their "prostrate" gland. The list is endless.

Posted by: wordgirl at January 6, 2006 2:25 PM

My father does these things all the times... some of his more memorable ones include

"green twos" -- I think he meant the three of hearts?

"a fly in the pants" -- flash in the pan

"took to it like a bat in water" -- took to it like a fish to water

Posted by: Tyler at January 6, 2006 2:35 PM

My wife grew up in an atheist jewish back to the land subsistence farming family. No phone, no lights, no motor car, not a single luxury.

Needless to say, books were her refuge but words strange to her got pronounced strangely.

When I met her, she told me that the word priest was pronounced pree-est.

And that Johnny Carson's sidekick was pronounced Ed Mc Muh Hon.

And she even thought that Jimmy Page was the guy from Zeppelin that died, and we had to argue about it (even though she had all their albums!) until I finally convinced her that us modern folks were actually right about all this stuff.

Posted by: Mark at January 6, 2006 2:43 PM

Just remembered one.... I have a freind who has a bad habit of over-correcting himself when he makes a grammar mistake.

One night we were just hanging out on the corner, and he comes out and pummels me with this torrential downpour of hillarious mispronounciations:

John: What do you want to do?
Me: I dunno.
John: Lets go pied pipering!
Me: What?
John: I mean tom peepering.
Me: Still not gettin it dude.
John: Youve never been tom peepering?
Me: No.
John: You know, when you look in windows to n see naked girls and stuff.
THEN IT HIT ME
Me: Oh you mean......(Then i realized that i didnt even know a word for what he was trying to say.)


is there a word for that?

Posted by: Bruce again... at January 6, 2006 2:49 PM

Ok, so my best friend and I are filipino americans and to most of her family members english is the second language.

Her mom would sometimes get up from sitting on her bed and say, "Ai, look at all de cat feathers all ober me." (cat hair).

Then, at a barbecue one day her uncle saw me come through the door and yelled, "Eh, DUKES!" (He thought this whole time he was saying what was supposed to be DUDE." So to this day now, my nickname is Dukes. Joy.

If anyone knows of the "Filipino-isms" listen to Rex Navarette's stand up comedy. It's hilarious~ lots of stuff like this.

Aloha
N

Posted by: Naomi at January 6, 2006 2:50 PM

I had a friend who wondered why Tina Turner didn't call herself "Iken" any more.....
Also, a friend of my mother's was being shown round a garden - desperate for something to say and knowing nothing about plants, she loudly exclaimed "what a beautiful clitoris" - she meant clematis.

Posted by: Patrick Dodds at January 6, 2006 2:59 PM

Oh a few more.

I once heard an Irish priest say, "Mary, I think the boy's been takin pot."

My 2nd cousin would say "Greemaw" instead of Grandma.

My uncle Louie calls a Jaguar (car) a Cougar.

And for the love of god my mother cannot say Tyrannosaurus. She's tried over and over. It's still "Tyrhinocerous".

Aloha
N

Posted by: Naomi at January 6, 2006 3:02 PM

Heh--my friend, despite even spelling it for her, says "endamame" instead of "edamame". Just call 'em freakin' soybeans, then!

Oh well--when I wanted hotcakes at McDonald's, I asked for hotcocks once...once.

Posted by: Elvis at January 6, 2006 3:19 PM

Cara-fay for a carafe of wine.

Posted by: Robert at January 6, 2006 3:40 PM

My mother-in-Law, who continually gives us gems of confusion, has just arrived to visit and asked if the kids want to go see "The Chronicles of Nadia". I immediately look to see the kids reaction and all they can do is just stare back with blank expressions.

Posted by: incredibledrew at January 6, 2006 4:24 PM

Ok this is a problem that afflicts both of my parrents they love to watch the "Daily show"with none other than....yes thats right you guessed it john daily(who cares that his name is really stewart).I guess when craig kilborn hosted its was called the kilborn show and the colbert report must then be hosted by
stephen report.I have corrected them a million times but they just say oh yeah whatever but it drives me and my wife mad.The thing that I think gets to me is that they know its wrong and don't care.

Posted by: shean666 at January 6, 2006 4:48 PM

My dad cannot pronounce mirror correctly. He says "mirr-row."

One day my husband stopped at a Church's Fried Chicken located inside a grocery store. There was a sign on their cash register:

CLEDIC CARS NO WORKIN

Say it out loud. See how long it takes you to figure out what they meant.

Posted by: Sleepless Mama at January 6, 2006 5:00 PM

My mother-in-law refers to lovely shiny things as "blink-blink" and my father-in-law suffers from an enlarged prostrate. I heard both of these in the same conversation.

Posted by: Jeanne at January 6, 2006 5:01 PM

Years ago a friend of mine went to see the movie Footloose. He loved the music, so on the way home he stopped in a record store and asked if they had the soundtrack for "Loose Shoes".

Posted by: drawboy at January 6, 2006 5:33 PM

Thanks to the comments in this thread, I now refer to my personal computer as my "Labtop". I giggle a little every time I say it.

Posted by: Dave at January 6, 2006 5:58 PM

My girlfriend has befriended her (kind of slow) next door neighbor who refers to the restaurant chain "Claim Jumpers" as "Clam Jumpers".

My girlfriend also refers to giant squid as "giant-eyed squid" for some reason.

Posted by: Joe at January 6, 2006 6:07 PM

Leave us not overlook:
Mens, (men), hisin' ( his), yorn (yours), and phrases like "where he be?", "I be thankin(thinking)", "She say her girl done it", - Flogging the dead horse: "Worsh your hands in the zinc.", "Don't axe me.", NUKE - U- LER

Posted by: sparky at January 6, 2006 6:09 PM

I had a high-school English teacher who would pronounce "aloe" as "ah-low-ee."

Also, my neighbor (and guidance counselor) was once so worked up about something, he blurted out "excrood-a-ladlelingly" instead of "excruciatingly."

Posted by: shaula at January 6, 2006 6:50 PM

Not sure if anyone's pointed this out yet.....
But a misheard song lyric is known as a "mondogreen." I read like half of these the other day and i just remebered what the correct term is.

Posted by: Jason at January 6, 2006 6:57 PM

An ex-girlfriend of mine used to call cunnilingus "cunningulitis." Needless to say, her thinking of it as what was apparently a disease made it a sore subject for the both of us.

Posted by: MW at January 6, 2006 7:43 PM

I was born and raised in Missouri and HATE it when people say "Missour-ah."

My Arkansas-native grandmother breaks up the word "hospital" into "hos-pittle," like it's two words. She also says "raglar" instead of "regular."

Posted by: Rita at January 6, 2006 8:28 PM

haha got a new one.

my friend amber today on the way to the movies was looking at the sign with all the different titles and goes "What's that movie called? Munch?" She was referring to Munich.

Posted by: angela at January 6, 2006 8:36 PM

I saw somebody mention someone else call L.L. Bean by the wrong name & I remember the crazy person I work with (U.S. Citizen, mind you) in one day referred to it as both 'L&L Bean' & "L Bean.' It's too bad I've been out sick the past few days, or I'd fill pages...

Posted by: Alyssa at January 6, 2006 8:37 PM

My Grandparents are especially good at this...my Grandmother says "pAst-ah" instead of "pasta", "chaider" instead of "cheddar" and "booshes" instead of "bushes"

I also have a communications professor from Thailand who has less than perfect english skills, when spelling things out she would say "etch" for the letter "H" and also had a very difficult time pronouncing anything with more than 2 syllables. Why she's teaching communication, I'll never know...

Posted by: Sarah at January 6, 2006 8:41 PM

The light at an intersection changed to green and my bestfriend didn't feel the driver in front of us reacted quickly enough and shouted "The green is light!!!"

Or when the word was on the tip of my tongue I described a jacuzzi as "the little pool, that's hot with the bubbles" and while trying to call my girlfriend an idiot called her a "ba-di-de-uht".

Good thing I married her. I'm only reminded of that on a 5 times a day minimum.

Favorites of mine are:
Comfortable as "comfterble"
Creek as "crick"
Missouri as "Mi-zoo-rah"

Posted by: Lindon at January 6, 2006 9:47 PM

I forgot a couple. While working for the postal service, we had the cute "Neuter or Spay" stamps which Bob Barker loves to display. Customers would refer to them as the "Neuter or Spray" stamps and pay with their "mastercharge" or their "discovery" cards.

Posted by: Lindon at January 6, 2006 9:51 PM

in highschool, i had one teacher who said "eggspecially" and another who said "horizontically."

Posted by: the deen at January 6, 2006 9:56 PM

when my sister was in elementary school, they taught her to say liBEARy instead of library. and my mom once scoffed at someone for thinking they were "a bag of chips and everything else." and then she told me how bad the hog conSIGNment building smelled.

Posted by: the deen at January 6, 2006 10:08 PM

Two over heard in restaurants:

1 - Don't you just LOVE my new "sherrling" jacket?
2 - "For your FYI" he never called back.

Posted by: m at January 6, 2006 11:20 PM

I forgot the funniest one ever! My (non-hispanic) mother in law was looking through the paper and asked me what the movie "Hosay and the Pussy Cats" was about. I nearly died!

Posted by: m at January 6, 2006 11:27 PM

OK, I have a friend that does this several times daily. I think the best example is, while I was suffering from a particularly bad sunburn, he offered me some..."hydracorta acid". WTF? Did he mean "hydrochloric acid"? He said, "You know, that brown stuff." Eventually, we figured out he meant hydrogen peroxide. Hey, the bottle's brown.

Posted by: Daniel at January 7, 2006 1:39 AM

I have a friend of a friend that's a total idiot. He was about to propose to his girlfriend and he asked for something to settle his upset stomach. So naturally, he asked if I had any Midol. He meant Mylanta. What a dumbass.

Posted by: Jennifer at January 7, 2006 1:44 AM

I had the "pleasure" of being a Wal-Martian and working in the electronics department during the time the original Nintendo came out. Many, many, many people wanted to know how to get an "In-ten-doh." They usually came back for more "tapes" (cartridges) for their Intendos, too.

Posted by: Michael at January 7, 2006 4:45 AM

my wife (who is a PR genius, and therefore, the greatest writer in the world) always spells "Onion" with a "U". "Union"

Posted by: bottomOfList at January 7, 2006 9:09 AM

How about "Perada" as many people like to call it...

Posted by: Beth at January 7, 2006 9:44 AM

I also had a history teacher who called it "Czechleslovakia".

Posted by: Beth at January 7, 2006 9:48 AM

My dad was a fan of MASH. After each episode he would say "That Alan Ladd is sure a funny guy!"

Posted by: Sue at January 7, 2006 10:23 AM

this is more of a pronunciation issue, but why is it no one in the current administration can pronounce the word "nuclear"
it's not "new kew lar"
there's no U between the C and the L!!!

apparently idiocy is electable

Posted by: db at January 7, 2006 10:28 AM

I know we already heard li-bear-y but my dear wife always says she can win a constellation prize.
And she says that someone that cant hear is death? I thought he was the guy wearing a robe and carrying a sicle. ( Is that right? Ha)
I saw lots of "worsh" but my dad also calls zuccini squorsh and sometimes squish just to be funny. My dad must have a thing about vegetables because he always says oni-oni for onion.
My 17 year old daughter says all-cohol and kalala bear.
Her 15 year old sister says that is a scary monk-ster.
The kids grandma used to say take a picher with my camry.
My ex refers to the Japanese car maker as Ty-ota.
And my sweet grandma used to ask for some Ty-a-nol. She also used to have a cat named Algernon that she only called Al John.

Posted by: Leah at January 7, 2006 10:37 AM

At work, I overhead a girl exclaim to her friend, "I was totally dramatized!".

Posted by: Maritza at January 7, 2006 10:59 AM

I have a friend who says "constanpole" instead of "constantinople" and "cimninin" instead of 'cinnamon" the list goes on and on. and no, she's not a toddler, hah.

Posted by: Liz at January 7, 2006 11:09 AM

My grandmother refers to aloe vera as "lavira," and children as "chil-runs."

A former coworker, when writing out register IOUs, would write "own" instead of "owe." I always wondered, then, did he mean register 1 owed register 2 a hundred dollars, or the other way around?

Posted by: Sleepless Mama at January 7, 2006 12:29 PM

My family is the same silly way :) Gotta enjoy the nonsense of all things.

Posted by: Samuel Garrett Feuer at January 7, 2006 1:44 PM

To correct someone from before:

Sherbert & sherbet are both acceptable. I looked it up after an arguement with my mom over it. I couldn't believe I'd gone twenty years only hearing sherbert, when it was supposed to be sherbet, so I looked up sherbert, same thing. I was actually upset to find out sherbet was right, too.

Posted by: Alyssa at January 7, 2006 2:50 PM

Not entertainment related, but last time my mother went to the dentist she told me that she was being treated for her reclining gums.

I guess I come by my laziness honestly.

Posted by: Ange at January 7, 2006 2:54 PM

This thread is great. Reminds me of the Far Side cartoon where a man is holding a dripping paint brush, having just labeled everything in the yard with its name (THE HOUSE, THE CAR, THE DOG etc) and is saying, "There - that ought to clear up a few things around here!"

Teachers: One had a name pronounced "koochie" but due to mishearing I addressed him as Mr. Gucci for a while.

Another teacher would excitedly say that this new concept would "pop your eyes!" We would cover our eyes defensively.

A math teacher had a strong accent and would say that a paraboola has a maximoom, a minimoom and a fock-youse (focus).

I knew a guy who pronounced "chameleon" as "shamelon". It took a conversation worthy of Abbott & Costello to figure out what he was talking about.

Mondegreens: Too many to mention, though the song is clearly Reverend Blue Jeans. National Lampoon once proposed using "Louie Louie" as a psychological test for presidential candidates - some renditions are impossible to recover the lyrics from, so you get a peek into the imagination of the listener.

My parents and I are all terrible for the little things, often involving board games or deliberate misuse to annoy or joke.
I'm guilty of: brekfis, foilage, nucular (sometimes), woves (wolves), meer, acrost, and probably a bunch more.

Occasionally I fail to "ask" questions, but instead of "axing" them, I "ass" them. Can I ass you a queshun?

Having finished two Comp Sci degrees before noticing the restaurant, I always read the Church's Chicken sign as "Church's Thesis".

Lately I've been using Trogdorisms in email to be cute. You know how Trogdor uses his fire breath to spread burnination? Well, on weekends I relaxinate. I scaninate photos. Going out to buy stuff is shoppinating. Putting things off is procrastination - oh wait, that one's a real word.

Espresso: I was going to rant about how "expresso" is correct since that's how it was actually spelled when I first saw it on a menu, but I checked at the store today and it's now spelled with an 's', so you're right. Not a coffee drinker, so I've ignored it since the first appearance.

One mistake that seems to be universal south of the 49th (but spreads north through TV) is pronouncing the silent 'e' in -ote and -ite endings. As a kid and to this day it bugs me that the names Wile E. Coyote and Yosemite Sam were never pronounced correctly. By the rules of English, "coyote" is "coy-oat" and "yosemite" is "yo-sem-ite" with "ite" as in "meteorite" or "smite". Though with my accent they come out "kai-oat" and "yo-zmite".

Oh, speaking of you non-Canadians: Canadians don't say "aboot". Scotsmen say "aboot". Whoever started that one must have just happened to bump into some rare Scots-Canadians.

A big one: the '#' symbol is called the number sign, not the pound sign. This should be intuitively obvious, but the misnomer is spreading. '#' is used to denote numbers. "Pound" already has two symbols: "lbs." is the unit symbol for weight in pounds, and the British currency symbol looks like a cursive 'L'.

There, that ought to clear up a few things around here. :)

But the one thing that bugs me most of all is apostrophe abuse. It's spreading like wildfire, and I even see it commonly in advertising now. This is a sure sign of the decline and fall of our civilization!

From an old tagline - Trek on Novocaine: "To poldy bow air mobius gumby four."

Posted by: Sleigh at January 7, 2006 4:45 PM

I can't be bothered to re-read all of these comments, so has anyone mentioned folks who say "boughten" instead of "bought"?

Somebody was doing this yesterday in my presence, and it was driving me crazy!

Posted by: COOP at January 7, 2006 5:59 PM

my mother recently told me that when i was very young, i informed her that i had seen a "long daddy big spider" instead of a daddy long legs spider.

Posted by: the deen at January 7, 2006 6:00 PM

Ok... My mom was Japanese so I have to cut her a little slack, but she always referred to the Three Wise Men of Christmas songs and tales as the three wise guys.
I also had a science teacher in 8th grade who could not pronouce tests. We took great joy in asking him repeatedly if there were pop quizzes or tests in coming weeks. The giggling commenced when he answered testes.

Posted by: donna at January 7, 2006 6:19 PM

Wow OK

Just a few that come to mind (gotta love living in the south...)

Ort: You ort (ought) to get some shoes on before you go outside.

Chimley: I saw smoke pourin' out of their chimley!

Zink: Put yer dishes in the zink.

Lightlin: I think its thunderin and lightlin outside.

Genetic Subscription: I asked the pharmacist for the genetic subscription.

Deppo: We got the paint from the Home Deppo.

Moama: My moama gave birth to me.

Past-uh: This past-uh needs more sauce.

Nilowleum: We just put new nilowleum(Linoleum) floors down in the kitchen.

Peoncil: Get yer paper and Peoncil ready!

Hambugger: But we had hambuggers for dinner this week already.

French Flies: The perfect ccompaniment for Hambuggers.

Dad Limit: Dad Limit! I told you kids to go to bed! (Around my house this is also known as Dad Gummit, and Dag nabbit. Which ever rolls out first.)

Trocipal: Trocipal punch is my favorite flavor.

And ah yes and a little personal story here. About 10 years ago my mom and I were driving down the road and were talking about family friends of ours named Brad and Clint. Mom says, "Brad and Clad, oh er I mean Clint and Brent.. oh hell." We still giggle about it today.

Posted by: Kaiimgl at January 7, 2006 6:55 PM

I forgot to add one of my personal favorites to the list.

This one was coined by me when I was but a wee little girly. I was feeling really sick so I ran to my mom and said to her, "Mommy, I'm sick. I think I have Diareeta"

22 years later and I still haven't lived it down. ><

Posted by: Kaiimgl at January 7, 2006 7:02 PM

my brother was about 8 and he was talking about yosemite sam and pronounced it "yo-za-might" sam and he still gets pissed about it when I bring it up.

Posted by: D at January 7, 2006 7:17 PM

When I was little, about 3 or 4 years old, I had the hardest time pronouncing the phrase "Dump Truck."
One time while my family was visiting some friends, I was running around saying "dumb fuck, dumb fuck!"

I swear I am not making that up, my mother loves to remind me of it frequently.

Posted by: SomGuye at January 7, 2006 7:24 PM

A friends wife was interviewing people for jobs at work, came home and told her husband, "I don't understand. Everytime I finished an interview, people would giggle." The husband asked her, "Well, how did you end the interviews?" She told him she'd say, "That's it in a nutsack." He told her that people usually say, "That's it in a nutshell." Hilarious.

Posted by: D at January 7, 2006 7:32 PM

She pronounces the second I in pointsettia, but I'm not sure that's actually WRONG, just annoying.

It might annoy you, but the word is pronounced poin-set-EE-uh, and spelled Poinsettia, only two Ts, as it's named after a man named Poinsett. It's the Latin version of his name, so the second I is pronounced. No disrespect to the late Johnny Carson who mis-educated millions of Americans about this.

Posted by: SB at January 7, 2006 8:37 PM

Once back when I worked at Safeway, a woman came in with her daughter looking for "neon supporin". That and the guy who looked at me like he was five when he asked me if we sold "The Axe Effect".

Posted by: TCG at January 7, 2006 9:47 PM

For some reason, I always say "Triviar Pursuit" if I am not concentrating very hard.

My dad says, "warsh" and "George Warshington."

One time at McAlister's Deli, there was a hand-chalked sign that had their sides listed. The sign said, among other things, "Slaw Chips" with no comma. So, I went up to the counter and said, "So, what are slaw chips?" My friends still won't believe that I did that to point out that the sign needed a comma, they think that I am stupid. Haha.

One time while reading the celebrity part of the newspaper, my mom made a comment about Queen Latifah. However, she pronounced her name "Queen Lahhh-Ti-FAHHH."

In middle school, my teacher said, "Cart-o-grapher" for cartographer. It always made me think of an infomercial for an automatic wagon artist or something.

The same teacher referred to a "suh-SAY-frass" tree.

When my dad was young, he lived on a farm and still managed to do an entire oral report on manure calling his subject "MAN-yer."

Posted by: EMILY at January 7, 2006 11:44 PM

My mom used to think that it was "Bird in love inside" instead of "Burnin' love inside."

She also thought that the song "Her Lyin' Eyes" was "Hawaiian Eyes."

It drives me batty when my friends say something like "I like that better THEN that." I ALWAYS correct them with the word "than," but they never remember!

Posted by: EMILY at January 7, 2006 11:47 PM

my favorite one ever was when my youngest sister was about 12. My other sister and I were pouring over a D&D monster manual and she pointed out the word Polterguist and asked..

"Krissy, what's a Politerigest?"
"a dead politician..."

Posted by: brandy at January 8, 2006 5:08 AM

My dad has too many of these for me to remember.

Here's a couple:
"error" in place of "era"
"expresso" in place of "espresso"

I'll have to remember to write them down when I hear them so I can make a list.

Posted by: michael at January 8, 2006 6:37 AM

Remembered some more. I had an English teacher who read THRASHY novels, and was fond of the Rolling Stones song Jumping Jack SPRAT. She also liked to sing that song from Witness with words of her own. This woman would randomly break into song in class, "Don't know much about GAR-DE-NING!! Don't know much about SPACE TRA-VEL! lalalalalala.... CHE-MISTRY!" It drove me round the frickin' twist.

Posted by: Roxanne at January 8, 2006 6:55 AM

I have three good examples:

When I was in middle school, I attended a football game with my parents. My mom and I were having a conversation about how the school district had hired the wife of one of the coaches (it was the big gossip at the time, I guess). After my mother told me about this, I turned to her and said "Yeah, there's just way too much necrophilia out here."

Around the same time, my mother had bought some guava juice to try. I liked it and kept asking for the guano juice.

A couple of years later, I took Health via credit by exam. I later made an apparently odd comment that lead my mother to ask where the prostate is. I pointed at my neck.

Posted by: John at January 8, 2006 8:13 AM

my coworker calls volleyball BolleyVall. he's a phd.

Posted by: zTransmissions at January 8, 2006 9:01 AM

my dad was from indiana, and not very cosmopolitan. he called styroam "xylofoam", called sanford and son "stafford and son", and some wrestler named brutus beefcake he called "brutus beefsteak". the list was endless, he was a comedy goldmine though he didnt know it, and we sure miss him.

Posted by: Patrick at January 8, 2006 9:54 AM

my mom called that chris o'donnell-minnie driver movie "friends of circles" instead of "circle of friends."

Posted by: zTransmissions at January 8, 2006 10:04 AM

"Lately I've been using Trogdorisms in email to be cute. You know how Trogdor uses his fire breath to spread burnination? Well, on weekends I relaxinate. I scaninate photos. Going out to buy stuff is shoppinating. Putting things off is procrastination - oh wait, that one's a real word."

That rocks. I am so using Trogdorisms from now on.

Also, I'd hate to bust your bubble, but the "#" really is called a pound sign. There is no such thing as a "number sign."

I used to work for Wendy's, and on the bottom of our carry-out bags there is a "5#" to show a 5 pound capacity, 8# to show eight pound capacity and so on. What got really annoying is when people working there would say to me "Hey, can you get me some number 8 bags?" I was all "no bitch, I can get you some eight pound bags. Does it look to you like the pound sign is in front of the 8?"

A friend of mine, playing World of Warcraft, kept referring to his character as a "Goam." It was only after several attempts at figuring out what a "goam" was that I disovered he meant "gnome." Even after being corrected, he continued to say it that way. He has a treasure trove of grossly mispronounced words. He's a smart guy, just not very learned.

Posted by: Dan at January 8, 2006 1:04 PM

"I had the "pleasure" of being a Wal-Martian and working in the electronics department during the time the original Nintendo came out. Many, many, many people wanted to know how to get an "In-ten-doh." They usually came back for more "tapes" (cartridges) for their Intendos, too."

It used to drive me up the wall that people called them "tapes." I could never figure that out. There is no tape inside. A cassette is called a 'tape' because the media inside is quite litereally on a tape. The game is on a small circuit board, there is not tape involved!

Posted by: Dan at January 8, 2006 1:07 PM

I went to some game store around Christmas time a few years back & there was an old by named Sarge working there. He went on & one to explain this crazy idea he had (that's another story) that involved stereofoam. As in stare-ey-oh-foam.

The reason for all of those mispronunciations? The English language SUCKS. I mean, the word 'phonetic' is spelled with a P!

Posted by: Alyssa at January 8, 2006 1:18 PM

"Dan -

Oriental is an offensive term to Asians. Just an FYI"

Is that so? I was under the impression that such was not the case, no offense intended. I just couldn't think of a better word to use without sounding tedious. I am aware that the term is not accurate, since it means "eastern" and to a person on the asian continent, they will not refer to their own country as "eastern."

I was however, mistaken in believing this was an archaic way of thining.

Posted by: Dan at January 8, 2006 1:21 PM

Oh yeah! I have a friend that loves star-berry short cake. She is like 45 years old! Ha ha!

Posted by: Leah at January 8, 2006 1:56 PM

lol..i though my mom was the only one who called "Seinfeld" "steinfeld"..but she does this a lot...theres a restaurant "Dan Ryan's Steak House"...she calls it "Dine and Rine's"..lol.she's so weird

Posted by: Rose at January 8, 2006 5:29 PM

I say stastistic cause i cant say it properly

Posted by: Cooie Monster at January 8, 2006 6:05 PM

and I just spelt my name wrong...

Posted by: Cookie Monster at January 8, 2006 6:07 PM

Koala Bear shits me too. Learn fucking bioligy.

Posted by: Rachel at January 8, 2006 6:09 PM

My drama teacher in high school had this habit of butchering lines in our shows while talking about them... things along the lines of "Have a "loverly" day ma'am" and pronouncing Mr. Mushnik (from Little Shop of Horrors) as something along the lines of either Mucinex or Moosenick depending on the mood. He also like to tell his actors to "pronounciate" their words more clearly...

Posted by: Sara at January 8, 2006 6:59 PM

A hot poker in the ear is preferable to listening to north American chefs who use 'urbs' (herbs) to favour their dishes. There's a 'h' there people! Say it with me - her-bzz

Posted by: Aussie at January 8, 2006 9:32 PM

My cousin's friend says, "I'm hungry like Al Green." Everyone is puzzled until we figure out she has muffed the phrase "starvin like Marvin."

Until a few months ago, I thought the famous line in the James Brown song, "The Payback," was "I don't know Karate, but I know Ca-Ray-zy," when in fact he's saying "Ka-Razor."

A guy named Ken used to jokingly refer to himself as "The Nasty AfriKen." One day a mutual friend says to Ken, "What do you call yourself? American Nigger?"

Posted by: eauhellzgnaw at January 8, 2006 11:25 PM

I moved from a small, hick town to CA. PLUS, my husband is from the Phillipines, so I've heard so many funny mispronounced words.
My mom says "sawshed and aigs" instead of "sausage and eggs" , she likes to go to "Wool-mart", and hates it when she's driving and people don't use "turn singles". The "turn singles" still drive me insane. And people in that town always said "sposed" instead of "supposed" AHHHHHH. I could go on and on about people in that town but I'll get to my husband and his family. My husband doesn't have a bad accent but he still pronounces some words weird. He says "tyroid" instead of "thyroid", which makes me think " thai roid", as if a hemmorrhoid would be named after a culture. His dad gets his F's and P's mixed up, so he's always telling us "pishing " stories.
Before I write too frickin much hear......
My sons calls Mountain Dew "Mountain Dude" and He says "Hitchy" instead of "itchy".
I use to say "chester drawers" for "chest of drawers".
Damn, I guess my whole family needs speech therapy, LOL!
My husbands family laughs at me now because I pronounce tagalog so stupidly.

Posted by: Donna at January 9, 2006 1:59 AM

HAHAHAHA! I meant *philippines*. I always do that.
LOL

Posted by: Donna at January 9, 2006 2:01 AM

Thought I should add that my mom says"Poc-corn" for "popcorn" which always annoys me to no end.
She'll be saying to my son " You want some poc-corn while you watch Cartoon Nedwork?"

Posted by: Donna at January 9, 2006 2:36 AM

I have a friend named Elizabeth who is half Finnish and half Cuban. She often mangles the English language.

She lives in Israel, and was on tour singing in Texas. She became quick friends with another lady on the tour, a Texas native, who is black. When D. found out that Elizabeth lived in Israel, she wanted to know all about life in "the holy land."

Elizabeth said "oh, it's just like here in Texas - a black bastard on every corner!"

D. freaked out. "What did you just say!?"

Eliabeth: "you know. a black bastard. on every corner. just like here."

D. continued to freak out. Finally they discovered that Elizabeth was trying to say "BlockBuster." D. said "next time, just say McDonalds."

Posted by: ree at January 9, 2006 3:50 AM

One stoned evning I was discussing Ben Affleck with my girlfriend upon she asked which movie he has been in so she can match the name to a face. At the time Pearl Harbour was just released so I told her he was in "Hearl Parbour".

Posted by: Jet at January 9, 2006 4:42 AM

Okay, I have one. I was playing with my 5 yr old brother and he started saying random things. I said "What are you talking about?" and he said," You know, the Pickles. They have Jeff and Greg and Murry and Anthony." I started thinking about the Wiggles and how hypnotized by the Australian children's band he must be to call them the Pickles. Soon they will rule the whole world!

Posted by: Adam at January 9, 2006 6:24 AM

Okay, I have one. I was playing with my 5 yr old brother and he started saying random things. I said "What are you talking about?" and he said," You know, the Pickles. They have Jeff and Greg and Murry and Anthony." I started thinking about the Wiggles and how hypnotized by the Australian children's band he must be to call them the Pickles. Soon they will rule the whole world!

Posted by: Adam at January 9, 2006 6:24 AM

This is very embarrasing, but I once caught myself asking and attractive female hobby store employee where the "testes" paint was. She never flinched.

Posted by: Nathan at January 9, 2006 9:58 AM

And, I just typed "...and attractive female hobby store employee...". That drives me nuts.

Posted by: Nathan at January 9, 2006 10:12 AM

One time I was trying to talk to my grandmother about sea life when I was youger. I started talking to her about testicles instead of tenticles.

Posted by: monica at January 9, 2006 10:22 AM

Now I don't feel so bad.

Posted by: Nathan at January 9, 2006 10:26 AM

I don't mean to steal anyone's thunder, but can we really blame our friends and loved ones for botching english phrases? Let's be honest with ourselves here - our language is ridiculous and doesn't make any sense.
English has no phoenetic base. Vowels in english sound unlike vowels in any other language, and the sounds the vowels make change all the time. While this changing is supposed to follow certain rules, all of the grammatical and pronunciation rules in the english language have a large number of exceptions, most of them common. It's no wonder people get confused!
We have words that are spelled the same but pronounced differently, words which are pronounced the same but spelled differently, words that have several meanings, several words which all share the same meaning... it's a wonder we can communicate in this country at all!
Our vowels in particular are annoying. The vowel sounds in the english language are exclusive to the english language. Only in english do we make such guttural, nasal sounds with our vowels. Sound out vowels phoenetically and they sound pretty. Sound them out in english and it sounds like a caveman grunting in the throes of passion.
English sucks!

Posted by: Dan at January 9, 2006 10:35 AM

My grandfather's wife calls Alzheimer's, "All-Timers".

Posted by: CS at January 9, 2006 10:57 AM

Personally, I never understood Asians being called "Asian". There are plenty of non-"Asian" people in Asia. All of Russia comes to mind. It's like calling white people "Europeans" even though that would include all non-whites in Europe. Just a tangent on that thought...

Posted by: Billy at January 9, 2006 11:01 AM

I also used to call light sabres, "life saver".

Posted by: CS at January 9, 2006 11:03 AM

*life savers

Posted by: CS at January 9, 2006 11:03 AM

Sleepless Mama- My dad cannot pronounce mirror correctly. He says "mirr-row."

My dad does that, too! I thought he was the only one. He also says "warter", and pronounces the days of the week "Mondee, Tuesdee, Wednesdee", etc.

Posted by: James at January 9, 2006 11:39 AM

I once said 'analyzation' instead of 'analysis' in a job interview........I didn't get the job

Posted by: glenn at January 9, 2006 12:05 PM

I said "presention" to my teacher when I was asking my "english" teacher when we were going to present and he got into a long talk about grammer... and yet I still got an A on my presention. Lucky me.

Posted by: steven at January 9, 2006 12:43 PM

I had to get physical therapy after a car wreck and the guy that was my therapist would give me deep tissue massages to help my muscles. However, my mother keeps refering to them as "Deep FINGER massages". Classic.

We were also shopping at the grocery store once, right about that time when they thought it was cute to make different colored ketchup and butter and whatnot, and she looked at the ketchup and exclaimed, "Oh look! They make it in RED now!"

Posted by: Alexis at January 9, 2006 1:14 PM

ok, this one really irritates me...When people say they were "conversatin" with someone...People, that doesn't make you sound high class, it makes you sound stupid, if you can't say "we were having a conversation" just say we were talking, conversating is not a word...ahhhhhhhhh

this one is funny, my 3 year old grandson thinks anything lying on the ground or the floor that looks weird is "dog pook" instead of dog poop. We only have cats, no dogs, which sometimes puke a little, and he calls that dog pook too. Nobody has been able to figure out exactly how he is pronouncing "Little Einsteins" we believe it may be a made up language

and sorry , but urbs is a proper pronunciation for herbs...

Posted by: Kathy at January 9, 2006 1:42 PM

Once, my grandmother was trying to say chimichanga and called it a chick-a-mung-a. We still give her crap about it.

Posted by: Veronica at January 9, 2006 3:21 PM

my mother prenounces "matrix" muh-TRIX and armageddon ar-MEG-a-don

Posted by: dentaltaco at January 9, 2006 3:44 PM

"For all intensive purposes"

What does that even MEAN?

That one first came from my best friend, who is prone to saying such things, but I've since heard it from several other people. I think it's spreading. Beware!!!

Posted by: Joy at January 9, 2006 3:56 PM

didn't have time to go through all the comments, so sorry if something like this has been posted...

i constantly have to remind my mother and father in law that he suffered from PROSTATE cancer, not prostrate cancer - you know, the cancer you get while lying down?

you'd think after seeing countless doctors, getting diagnosed and even having surgery they'd know how to pronounce it.

oh, and many people in my family, including my in-laws pronouce the word measure "MAY-zure". i think it's an Iowa thing... like saying "warsh" instead of wash.

Posted by: kate at January 9, 2006 4:36 PM

Classics from my Dad:

Larry Bud Melman "Larry Bird Melman"
Keenan Ivory Wayans "Ivory Wayne Newton"
Conan the Barbarian "Conrad the Barbarian"

Posted by: JC at January 9, 2006 4:40 PM

i know its technically correct either way, but i can't stand it when people say yooman instead of human. i'm very fond of the "h" sound at the beginning. although i must apologize to our aussie friend above, because i do say "urbs."

Posted by: the deen at January 9, 2006 4:54 PM

My mother calls the popular clothiers "Tommy Hilfinger" and "Abercrombie and Finch." There are so many others, and I shall enlighten all of you when I remember them!

Posted by: Helga at January 9, 2006 5:43 PM

My mother was merrily singing along to Akon's "Locked Up" quite a while ago. Only instead of saying, "I'm locked up/ won't let me out" she was saying "My doctor won't let me down". Oh, mondegreens.

Posted by: Elizabeth at January 9, 2006 6:06 PM

Today my youngest daughter told me, "because you put food over our heads and a roof on our table". I just tickled me. I think I like it better this way.

Posted by: Leah at January 9, 2006 6:28 PM

IT tickled me not I. Hee hee!

Posted by: Leah at January 9, 2006 6:28 PM

The "urb" thing reminds me: The 'h' in "history" is not silent! There was a news announcer on CBC radio who used to say "an istoric" instead of "a historic" all the time. I wanted to strangle him! I think he went out of his way to use this phrase often just to taunt me... ;)

Posted by: Sleigh at January 9, 2006 6:51 PM

I use to think Alzhiemers (or however you spell that) was pronounced "old timers". So I would say that some elderly person might have "old timers disease" and not know why my mom said I was being rude.

Posted by: Donna at January 9, 2006 7:10 PM

Has anyone mentioned "alls" in place of "all"? As in, "Alls I know is..." WTF? That one bugs the crap out of me...

Posted by: Tracie at January 9, 2006 7:14 PM

HEY, PICK ME TO READ OUT OF YOUR 661 COMMENTS SO FAR!

Hello.

My friend's mom used to call that terrible WB show "Felicity" "Facility" instead.

BTW I am absolutely in love with your zine-slash-blog. I want to marry it and give birth to a 1/4 zine - 1/4 blog - 2/4 human baby.

Rock on!

Posted by: Angela at January 9, 2006 7:16 PM

Actually, using the article "an" instead of "a" is grammatically correct for the word "historic". The general rule is to use "an" if the "h" is silent, for example, in the word "honorable", or if the first syllable of the word is unstressed (e.g. historic)

And as for "herbs"... according to what I've read, Americans continue to say "urbs" in the manner of our English forefathers. British English (and by extension, I would imagine Australian) has moved on and it is now considered uneducated (by those who speak "The Queen's English") even though it is more in line with the original pronunciation.

Posted by: Istie at January 9, 2006 7:21 PM

Hellhairous thread, Steve!

This just happened tonight and I couldn't wait for my wife to go to bed so I could write about it. (Please, don't tell her.)

We're planning a 50th birthday party for my stepmother. She loves Van Morrison so my brother suggested we rent the local music hall and hire Van the Man to come play (bit of a pipe dream, but it's the thought that counts, right?)

Anyway, we've been going back and forth about where the party should be and tonight my wife says, "It sounded a lot better when Matthew was planning to hire Van Halen."

...

I laughed so hard that I snorted like a pig. For about 10 minutes.

Posted by: nik at January 9, 2006 7:53 PM

My father-in-law is a Cajun from South Louisiana. Besides the fact that he cannot pronounce the sound "th" (he says "t" - ie. Tursday instead of Thursday, Tyroid instead on Thyroid or he will use the letter "d" - dat instead of that, dis instead of this)), he also switches the letter 't" with the letter "k" when the "t" is at the end of the word (i.e. - concreke instead of concrete, crickek instead of cricket).

Posted by: shane at January 9, 2006 8:19 PM

I am quite sure that I am not the only one who has noticed this. People say tempAHture instead of temperature. it bugs me. AN ASS LOAD. my eighth grade science teacher said tempature for crying out loud. and when i tried to correct him he had no idea what i was talking about.

Posted by: adam at January 9, 2006 8:21 PM

My 4 year old son went with us to Darth Vegas last summer. He also asks to look at the "erections" when i'm putting together another one of those ikea contraptions. A fond memory of my grandfather telling me about a movie he saw "I got the mail!" (You've Got Mail).

Posted by: lalomar at January 9, 2006 11:31 PM

I work in the Middle East and therefore come in contact with a wide mixture of people that piss me off. The following is a list of language crappola that kicks me in the nuts.

It is not correct or polite to answer a phone with "Who dis is?".

it's called an airplane not an arrow-plane

Pronounce Iraq, E-rock and Iran, E-ran.

I've been offered Pead Soup in the chow line. MMM yummy.

Talking about home, someone asked me if there was a Kenny Loggins Roasters by my house. Apparently everyone is grtting into chicken.

People drink tons of Caffee here

I'll add more as I 'member them.

Posted by: rockstar at January 10, 2006 2:54 AM

My mother-in-law is famous for messing up pronunciations of most everything...

a few examples off the top of my head:
-she gives our daughter "crowns" to draw with.

-she goes "acrost" the street.

-she likes movies with "Meryl Strep", the great actress... with the scratchy voice?

-sometimes she goes to "Balleys" casino

she does research for a major pharmaceutical company, so she's no dummy...

Posted by: Ken M at January 10, 2006 9:18 AM

Ever shopped at Target's? Or Kmart's? Or eaten a sundae at Friendly's (before it really was renamed Friendly's)?

My mother adds the apostrophe and the 's' to the names of most major retailers not already belonging to someone specific. She grew up in the era of Macy's and Gimbel's, so I guess it's a holdover from the 19th century.

Then again, was my favorite major retailer named for Terrence T. Target, owner of a preposterously-marked white Bull Terrier? I prefer it over Wal-Mart's!

Do tell.

Posted by: Todlo at January 10, 2006 9:49 AM

I've known quite a few people to have pronounced Valentine's Day as "Valentime's Day" or, birthday as "birfday". My grandfather also used to pronounce Oprah Winfrey's name as "Ofrah Winfred".

Posted by: Brittany at January 10, 2006 11:42 AM

I have a five-year old that was a master of mixed metaphors and expression confusion in his younger days. I kept a running blog entry of his good ones so I could remember them when he's a teenager and no longer speaks to me. Here are some of my favorite:

When pretending to meet a new friend, Kuoch likes to shake hands and exclaim, "Machu Picchu!"

Saturday night, late summer, early dinner. Mama says, "What do you want to do tonight?" Just as I'm about to suggest the Drive-in, Kuoch blurts out, "Us go a MOVE-IN!?"

At the playground, Kuoch was pretending to be locked in the "jail". I asked him what he did to get put in jail and he said, "I killed germs."

"Look! I'm walking on dim air!"

[regarding a slice of funky imitation turkey] "Smells like bottom."


You can read them all over at my blog www.ponzio.net/mt/archives/2003/06/kuoch-isms.php

Posted by: nik at January 10, 2006 11:46 AM

my mom says blinky blinky instead of bling bling. this was more relevant a couple years ago.

Posted by: afuzz at January 10, 2006 12:46 PM

Malapropisms and Mondagreens everywhere, they all kill me and make me want to choke on my own vomit. I will admit that I have been folly once or twice but these instances occurred in my youth. I watched a tv show where the mom found a condom in her son's pocket, and I had to ask my babysitter how he fit one in his pocket (I thought condominium). Or when I was in kindergarten I could not for the life of me pronounce chameleon when I read it in a book, it always came out ch(as in chair)ameleon.

However my brother, loved opemeal instead of oatmeal and ascetti instead of spagetti. My mother you would think was raised in a trailer, she "warshes" her clothes and likes to visit "Warshington", every year her and my step-father celebrate their "annivershery".

A poli sci professor in college told us that in China the first terrerphones (telephones) were cerrurrurrphones (cellular phones), albeit he was Chinese, so I never assaulted him after class.

A stats professor from the middles east always said so force instead of so forth.

my orgranic professor, for all of you chem dorks called them cinnebuns instead of sigma bonds

The lady that is training my in my new position refers to Des Moines and Illinois as Dez Moinez and Illi-noise respectively.

I've never understood how Missourri became Mizzurah. Unrelated sort of, we say Kansas but not Ar-Kanz-ass for Arkansas, or how come we don't call it Kan-saw????

A few of the ealier entries reminded me of a game one of my brothers and I used to play where we took band names and changed them slightly.

Crushing Jack-o-lanterns - Smashing Pumkins
Noiseplot- Soundgarden
Gem Preservative - Pearl Jam
Large Mellon Jeff and the Creatures - Big Head Todd and the Monsters
Precious Metal Digit - Goldfinger
Moving Boulders - Rolling Stones

we had fun with those...

But the most irritating malapropism that I hear on a general basis and a good 1/3 of my family screws up is Chipolte, how the hell do you get Chipolte when the L is obviously after the T. Draw me a picture, convince me, do something to make me believe I shouldn't export you. It is Chipotle, they even make a pretty little cup with it spelled out phonetically.

Posted by: bigwood303 at January 10, 2006 1:57 PM

"Personally, I never understood Asians being called "Asian". There are plenty of non-"Asian" people in Asia. All of Russia comes to mind. It's like calling white people "Europeans" even though that would include all non-whites in Europe. Just a tangent on that thought..."

White people are Caucasian. Besides, isn't Russia considered part of Europe? Depending upon whom you speak to, people from India or The Middle East might be considered "Asian." Then again, some might consider Russians to be Ainu.

Posted by: Dan at January 10, 2006 1:57 PM

The women in my family are notorious for this kind of insanity. Most recently, my mom saw "March of the Penguins". For weeks and weeks she exclaimed to everyone her love of that movie "Dance of the Penguins" which later tuned into "The Dancing Penquins". It wasn't until it morphed into "The Dancing Pandas" that people stopped having any idea what she was talking about. I now find myself also referring to that great Panda movie last summer. It's scary.

Posted by: Sarah at January 10, 2006 2:27 PM

My dad once warned me of the traffic on the highway because of the "Aeroship" concert that night.

Posted by: Paul at January 10, 2006 2:50 PM

My mom, god rest her soul, was infamous for calling things the wrong name... One of which that comes to mind is her calling futons croutons - she also would say things like "Make the wind louder" when she wanted the fan turned higher. I can't remember any more off the top of my head, but she did and said stuff like that daily.

Posted by: Elyssanz at January 10, 2006 3:04 PM

ooh I've got another one. My housemate says "licowish" instead of licorice - drives me CRAZY!

Posted by: Elyssanz at January 10, 2006 3:20 PM

I keep coming up with more, I was just reminded by san antone rose, I used to work in a bank and was in fact a notary public, never heard notary republican but got notary republic all of the time, which was usually after the customer visited their "safety deposit" box, which as near as I could tell from reading the sign in front of the vault actually read safe deposit box!

A Vietnamese girl that I used to work with, how is that for not using Asian, she used to say "cheese and rice" all of the time, it took about a year for us to figure out she was trying to say Jesus Christ.

Another bright one I worked with wanted me to help her with her 4OK1, no typo here. Same girl hurt her knee snowboarding and tore her biscus (meniscus).....aaahhh, we are such a stupid stupid nation.

Posted by: bigwood303 at January 10, 2006 3:41 PM

my History teacher in high school used to pronounce Nicaragua as Nick-a-raw-gwa. I had to resist the urge to give her a lesson in proper pronunciation every time.

Posted by: Kelsey at January 10, 2006 5:34 PM

My mother-in-law is known for these - like the times she'd ask us to pop a VHS movie in the "RV", or her lovely extra-syllabic "cu-cu-cumber", or even calling me, HER OWN DAUGHTER-IN-LAW "Leeza" when it's LISA! I'll stop now before I have no more teeth to grit.

Posted by: Lisa at January 10, 2006 6:24 PM

My Granny goes down in history in my family for eating at "The Ribcage" (The Ribcrib) and going to "Wallnuts" (Wal-Mart).

Posted by: Erin at January 10, 2006 7:25 PM

I once worked at a bookstore. I once had a boy around 13 come in and asked for the book "Greatest Vacations" by Charles Dicknen.

Posted by: Jen at January 10, 2006 8:18 PM

On a related note, my Mother was infamous for misunderstanding song lyrics. My stepbrothers played in a cover band at the time and frequently my Mother would ask me if I knew the Aerosmith song "Revving up the Big Jet Engines." Hmmm.....nope. She insisted the boys played it in their show. This continued for some time until one night she was trying to sing the song to them until one somehow magically recognized the song: "Big Ten Inch Record." We still laugh our asses off about it.

Posted by: Vanessa at January 10, 2006 9:36 PM

I have a friend Lynne who once exclaimed "Oh my word, I am having rendezvous!"

Yes she is blonde.

Posted by: snake at January 11, 2006 5:06 AM

My grandmother calls The Price is Right "Come on Down." I have such a hard time not laughing when she says it bless her heart.

Posted by: Grover at January 11, 2006 9:55 AM

My 8 year old says "flaming-yon" instead of filet mignon. We have completely accepted the new name and have more meals including it just so we can say it.

After 17 years of marriage, my parents continue to misprounce my married Italian surname. Plus, they always refere to Italy as IT-LY. Drives me nuts since they pronounce every other word in the dictionary just fine.

Posted by: JLo at January 11, 2006 10:13 AM

So me and a few friends are playing pictionary, and it's my friend Dan's turn. He picks a card and looks at the word, of which he has no idea what it is. Now, Dan isn't exactly the smartest person, but he sure as hell isn't a stupid ass.

So we tell him he can go ahead and pick a new card, and he says to us:

"I mean, what the hell is Lobo Tommy anyways?" I think for a moment and grab the card. Sure enough it reads "Lobotomy".

We've made fun of him ever since, and whenever someone messes something up like that we say they should just get a "Lobo Tommy".

Posted by: Tragic at January 11, 2006 2:32 PM

I, a few times, have said 'Big Dicks Sporting Goods' instead of 'Dicks Sporting Goods'. I think it's because the word 'Dicks' on the building is written so huge. I have said this many times & even now when I am talking about it, I have to pause & think about the right name. For some strange reason, I really like to go there.

My mother use to be a pet supply rep. They sold a product called 'Flea & Tick Dip'. Her tongue would tangle up & she would call it 'Flea & Dick Tip'.

What is it called when you reverse letters??? Anyone know? There has to be a word for it.
I do it a lot, especially when I'm talking about couples we know. Eg: 'Jan & Vinnefer' are our friends 'Van & Jennifer', 'Sherry & Girley' are our friends 'Shirley & Gerry', 'Les & Wesa' are our friends 'Wes & Lisa'.

Posted by: Cindy at January 11, 2006 2:49 PM

Oh...I just remembered a couple of others.

My friend Mariannes grandfather calls 'Home Depot' 'The Home Dep-Poe'.

My hubby's uncle calls 'Osama Bin Laden'-'Osmond Bin Lauden'. We always say that he is the missing Osmond Brother.

He also calls 'Sodom and Gomorrah'-'Sadam and Gomer'. LOL That cracks me up everytime I hear him say that!!!

BTW...these post are so damn funny!!! Thanks to all for sharing & giving me some good laughs!

Posted by: Cindy at January 11, 2006 3:05 PM

My mom was a legendary butcher of titles. We still say "Marty Python" 25 years later.

Posted by: Steve at January 11, 2006 3:09 PM

One more & I'm through. I just remembered...

My husbands cousin calls 'Polyurethane' - 'Yolly-pure-thang'!!!

His nickname (behind his back) is forever 'Yolly-Pure-Thang'.

Posted by: Cindy at January 11, 2006 3:10 PM

I hear this commercial all the time in many variations that goes, "Inside that microphone (or whatever product) is something FERMILIAR...". Makes me cringe.

Posted by: Dave at January 11, 2006 5:18 PM

Another from that woman I work with. She never pronounces the H's when she's supposed to, like in human & humid, but she does pronounce it in herb. Explain that logic please.

Posted by: Alyssa at January 11, 2006 7:58 PM

Okay, I'm almost ashamed that I laughed about this one, but it's just so effin hilarious I couldn't help myself.

So, when I was a Freshman in High School, we had a substitute teacher for English who had perhaps the MOST TERRIBLE STUTTERING PROBLEM ON THE PLANET...I kid you not. He was trying to say that our regular English Teacher was in the hospital, and it went something like this: "Ms. Ferguson is in the hosp...hosp...hosp....hos_PITAL." And he shouted the PITAL with such utter vehemenance (sp?) that SPITAL quite literally went all over the first three rows. For ever after we joked about putting our "Pital-guard up.'

Okay, I'm gonna go burn in hell for recanting that...talk to you all later.

Posted by: Serpentia at January 11, 2006 11:26 PM

A few more:

An ex's mother used to think Cheech and Chong were one person (Cheech Marin), and referred to him as Chi Chi Chong. She also liked to watch Ofree Winfrey on occasion.

A couple of childhood Michael Jackson Mondegreens:

"Keep on to the post office...don't stop til you get enough."

"Beat it...no one wants to beat it feed it."

Posted by: eauhellzgnaw at January 12, 2006 12:07 AM

Buffoonish friend: “Oh you guys’ll love this movie, I think it’s got Kaneel Reeves in it!”

Me: “No, it’s Keanu man, KEE--AHN--EWE… Keanu Reeves.”

Buffoonish friend: *glazed stare*

Me: “Kee-aaaahhhhnnn-uewe”

Buffoonish friend: *Silently perplexed, unmoving, staring at my left earlobe*

Me: *waiting for attempt at proper pronunciation… wondering what’s over my left shoulder *

Buffoonish friend: *Presumably being advised by his brain the following: “It’s ok, don’t try to pronounce it
correctly, just say nothing at all, keep looking at his ear, yeah, good good. We’ll fool them all if we just pretend that this never happened. It’s a convoluted extrapolation of Ostrich Theory man, act like he never said anything and he’ll doubt that he ever said it. No reaction to his statement on your part - therefore it did not exist! Now, return to the moment of crisis entry point and repeat last sentence to instill further doubt that this ever happened.”*

Me: “Keeee-aahhhhnnnnn-uuueeeewwww”

Buffoonish friend: “Oh you guys’ll love this movie, I think it’s got Kaneel Reeves in it!”

Me: Being thoroughly versed in all aspects of convoluted extrapolations of Ostrich Theory, I immediately recognize the situation…. The jig is up! *looking for blunt instrument*

Buffoonish friend: “Yeah right here (quoting from movie box) ‘an outstanding unaccredited performance by Kaneel Reeves’. Hey, wasn’t he also in Point Bre” ---*WHUNK!*

Me: Kaneel that, dink eyes!

Buffoonish friend: ………………………………

Posted by: Simeon at January 12, 2006 12:26 AM

i used to wonder who "Richard Stanz" was from the Pledge of Allegiance.

Posted by: hairy at January 12, 2006 9:16 AM

My friend has the sweetest Polish mom, and she asked us some years ago if we'd seen the new Jack Nicholson/Helen Hunt movie "It Can't Get Any Better." Also, while meaning to refer to the medical drama "House," she apparently confused her domestic vocabulary and asked if we had watched that great show "Broom."

Posted by: jessica at January 12, 2006 9:38 AM

I just read University of Michigan Student Newspaper. A student opinion columnist tried to attribute Tom Cruise's "Sexiest Man Alive" Award to his role in the racecar movie, "Days of Heaven".

I didn't even like that film and I knew she was wrong.

Posted by: michael at January 12, 2006 10:21 AM

_________

"For all intensive purposes"

What does that even MEAN?

That one first came from my best friend, who is prone to saying such things, but I've since heard it from several other people. I think it's spreading. Beware!!!

__________

The correct phrase for "For all intensive purposes" is "For all intents and purposes."

This cliche (meaning "practically") is a shortening of the legal phrase "to all intents, constructions, and purposes."

But yeah, it drives me nuts when people say "intensive purposes" too.

Posted by: Kaiimgl at January 12, 2006 12:05 PM

Just a few weeks ago my 4 year old daughter came in to tell me that we were going to go eat kingy-congas (chimichangas) for lunch. It was all I could do at the restaurant to not order them that way.

Posted by: Mandy at January 12, 2006 1:12 PM

serpentia, you probably mean recount and not recant.

How about Ralph Wiggum from the Simpsons, he has so many of them; Prinskipper Skipple (Principal Skinner), Super Nintendo Chalmers (Superintendent), unpossible, popstickle...

Posted by: bigwood303 at January 12, 2006 1:17 PM

My father once came home and ate an entire bowl of what he thought was cucumber soup, one of his favorite dishes. It was actually a bowl of ranch dressing. HE said it was delicious.

Posted by: dave at January 12, 2006 2:49 PM

My Mother in law's favorite singer is Barry Manaloaf.

Posted by: Troy at January 12, 2006 5:21 PM

Back in the 90's I was listening to the remake of "Layla" with my friend and I mentioned how much I liked the song. She said she thought it was disgusting, but I couldn't understand why. Then she said she though the song was called "Gay Love". You know:

"Gaaaay love, got me on my knees gay love..."

I still laugh everytime I hear that song. I'm waiting to give her crap about it the next time I see her.

Posted by: Michelle at January 13, 2006 5:51 AM

When I was younger, I called Seinfeld Sign-field. :P My mom (GRR) calls those blue tarp things tarrapins. Sounds like a turtle sort of lol. Terrapin/tarrapin...okay next! She calls a hearse a hurst. I hate it qwhen she does this! My sister and I both tell her the right way to say it and she gets all peeved. *sigh* Now my granny (RIP) came from Maryland and boy she had some annoying ones! She said deesh and feesh instead of dish and fish. She also said ar-ange instead of orange.

Posted by: Nancy at January 13, 2006 6:46 AM

Another thing...my mom also gets on my nerves when she says Cheetos. She says CHEET-TOES. It's Chee-toes....which reminds me. She ALWAYS gets brands mixed up. A Kroger or Wal-Mart brand cola is Coke no matter what. Lemon lime is always Sprite. You know those steak and cheese sandwiches you can get? It's thin steak pieces with mozzarella cheese on it. She always calls them Steak-ums, even when they aren't on a sandwich.

Posted by: Nancy at January 13, 2006 6:56 AM

My mother would always complain about doddering old people and their Alzenheimers. The way she said it she thought it was a dog or something. Having her correct it would probably have been countereffective.

Seriously, Steve, you got a book here. Get one of your artist friends to do a creepy cover, then another one to do inside drawings (or your son)...you'd sell a million.

Posted by: Bob M at January 13, 2006 7:28 AM

My dear departed mother once told me she was going to the cinema to watch "Full Leather Jacket"...bless

Posted by: Laura Andru's at January 13, 2006 7:33 AM

...Kinda related:

My friends and I like to "mal"pronounce certain words.
For example:

Chamomile = Chomm-wa-lee-eh
Barbeque = Bar-bee-kweses

Cheers.

Posted by: Jonathan at January 13, 2006 8:22 AM

Near my place of employment there is a Presbyterian church. Homeless people are fed there at lunch now and then. Apparently they are fond of crayons, because there are always cryptic messages scrawled on a block wall outside the church.

Usually these messages are very conspiratorial sounding (think a homeless paranoid Mel Gibson in "Conspiracy Theory). The latest one, though, is either a rant against a certain silky material or an anti-Beelzebub message.

Here it is, as written on the wall

Satin
Sucks

Periods

Posted by: Scott at January 13, 2006 8:50 AM

My mother insists black garbage bags are green. I swear...my dad also insists gray cats are green...weird bunch here. A green obsession?!

Posted by: Angie at January 13, 2006 9:07 AM

Okay I have two:
I witnessed a transaction in a card store where two cashiers were having trouble dealing with a customer. After the whole thing was over, the senior cashier said to the other "If something like that AROUSES again, just give them what they want." Brought a smile to my face as I considered what her reaction might have been had I pointed out her error!

When my sister was little, we were visiting a restaurant where there was a lot of meat on the menu. She was trying to decide what to have, but was distressed that she could not find anything that wasn't a 'roast LION' - of course, the menu listed roast 'loin' of this and that.
That one went into the family history books!

[PS> this is a great topic!]

Posted by: itchy at January 13, 2006 9:20 AM

I don't know if anyone is still reading this list, but one of my coworkers just called Bavarian cream "Barbarian cream". Ha!

Posted by: Molly at January 13, 2006 10:27 AM

My mother once referred to the Star Spangled Banner as "The Star Spangled Banger" Of course, when I looked that up, it was a porn film from the 70's. I still mock her for that one.

Posted by: Alison at January 13, 2006 12:39 PM

I've found that people 'round where I live really can't handle too many syllables. Crayons are "crans," and oranges are "arnges." "Corinth" has been reduced to "Crint." Not to mention that anything that ends in "ary" loses the "A." Diction'ry, lavat'ry, milit'ry. And things that end in "ity" lose the "I." Affin'ty, infin'ty, can't think of a third one.

I've got my own problems, though. I can't for the life of me say words like "iron" and "fire" the way you're supposed to. They always come out like "i-ron" and "fi-ra."

Posted by: Sofar at January 13, 2006 1:31 PM

I worked at an Auntie Anne's pretzel store while I was in college in Southwestern PA...I had people order 'samson' (cinnamon), 'sah same' (sesame) and my favorite of all time - 'paramecium herb' (parmesan herb). Not the most literate part of the U.S.

My niece once referred to 'Oh Brother Where Art Thou?' as 'Oh Brother Where Am I?' We still get mileage out of that one.

Posted by: CMC at January 13, 2006 2:57 PM

Just in case anyone gets this far down the list, I do still chuckle about my stepmom's attempt at recalling the names of those two famous film reviewers:

Cecil and Egbert

(she honestly had no idea why we were laughing for the next 15 minutes)

Posted by: Shane at January 13, 2006 4:05 PM

apperently i'm "playing on the paysatan" when i'm moddeling cars for vice city, and i can't have a new "paysatan" because the one i have is only 10 years old, and "nintango" make new "paysatans" to expensive.

Posted by: spammer at January 13, 2006 6:24 PM

Okay...so I hope I'm not stepping out of the boundaries here...But I hate HATE when people say crucial when it doesn't apply to what they're talking about.
Ex. ~ That haircut is crucial!

:::shudders::: I live in Atlanta (surprise...surprise)

I also hate in Silence of the Lambs where Anthony Hopkins mispronounces Chianti - "Key-annntie". I pronounce it correctly (outloud mind you) everytime I watch that movie. I saw a guy point that out the other day on a VH1 "I love the 90's" and I was relieved that someone voiced my opinion.

Posted by: Sarah at January 13, 2006 7:48 PM

Oh, oh, oh! I just remembered another one. When people say "Old-timers" instead of "Alzheimer's"... Gaw, I hate that!!!!!

Yeah, I said "Gaw!"...what now?

Posted by: sarah at January 13, 2006 8:03 PM

My girlfriend's mom used to hate when she watched "Benis and Butthead."

My dad pronounces wimp as "hoo-imp" and rear back as "raa back" (like rad without the d)

People say I pronounce sandwich as "sayo-wich"

When I was a kid, I told my mom that I really enjoyed the movie "Oh, God Must Be Crazy"

Posted by: eauhellzgnaw at January 13, 2006 10:05 PM

My husband... says Steer when he means stir.

He knows it is stir. He CAN say stir. He just does it to annoy me.

"I gotta go steer the chili before it burns."

"Yeah... drive safe honey."

Another one is he says 'of the morning' instead of 'in the morning'.

"I have a doctor's appointment of the morning, so don't let me sleep late."

Just call him angel of the morning.


-sigh-

Posted by: Eviliz at January 14, 2006 2:59 AM

My grandmother once told a woman she looked like " Dinty Moore" I assured the woman she did not look like microwave pot roast and grandma ment Demi Moore.

Posted by: renea at January 14, 2006 9:02 AM

728 comments? That is ridiculous. Oh, and my sister used to call it "The Sampsons". Yeah, we beat the shit out of her for it.

Posted by: Mark Tisdale at January 14, 2006 11:13 AM

To Kaiimgl:

I understood that my friend was trying to say "for all intents and purposes," I just meant that "intensive purposes" doesn't make the slightest bit of sense.

Thanks for the background info, though.

The same friend pronounces the w in sword and calls kernels (popcorn) "knornies" for some unknown reason.

Posted by: Joy at January 14, 2006 12:03 PM

My uncle always called the meat inside your skull a 'brang'. Pretty sure he was dropped on his at one point or another.

Posted by: Mike at January 14, 2006 7:31 PM

my friend used to say "tooken". like, "she's tooken my book!" and every time i hear her say that, i go "it's TAKEN! tooken's not a word!" and then an argument begins, and we both get pissed.

oh and when i was 4 or 5 i used to listen to Raffi...and i called the song "baby beluga" "baby my luga"...my dad still jokes about that from time to time...

Posted by: Janice at January 14, 2006 8:27 PM

This comment thread is a treasure! I can't help contribute even though it is at my own expense.

Until I was in my early 30's I called a standing chest of drawers "Chester drawers." Yes, with a straight face.

"Honey, I can't find that new blouse of mine," my wife might say, to which I would reply: "Have you checked in the Chester drawers?"

I know my best friend has feasted on this verbal foible for years now; still cracks me up thinking how many people muswt have heard me say that and just bit their tongue or laughed at me later.

Posted by: Brock at January 15, 2006 8:50 PM

Oh dear. I've got some stories. xD

My pastor at the Christian Center here once actually asked someone to pass out the sh*t. He meant sheet, like the paper. The worst part is, he was on live TV when this was said, and it was recorded. =)

My dad is horrible at pronouncing things. For the love of God, it is not pokeMANS. It is pokemon. It is not Hot TopicS. It is Hot Topic. It isn't a gameCOOB. It is a game cube. It is not a NinTEENdo. It's Nintendo. And for the love of all things holy, it is Barbie. Not BOWERbie.

Somedays I wonder how I ever lived in his house. Of course, my mom usually isn't any better. It's a mobile home. Not a moBILE home with the long 'i' sound. There aren't any body fluids in our walls, hopefully. And after 7 years, she still calls my best friend AngLEEa. Her name is Angela.

And just for my friend Chelsea, I'll add this: It is Chelsea pronounced like Chelsey. Not Chel-see-uh. Daft cows.

People in my area are very good at butchering the human language. =)

Posted by: Chrissa at January 15, 2006 10:22 PM

Aussie -

A hot poker in the ear is preferable to listening to north American chefs who use 'urbs' (herbs) to favour their dishes. There's a 'h' there people! Say it with me - her-bzz

The American Heritage Dictionary says that it can be pronounced, urbs or hurbz. Americans don't like to pronounce the "h" because it is a Name and that's just confusing to us...we're stupid and can't help it...LoL

Kudos though, you made me think of my favorite Eddie Izzard skit. "You say urbz and we (the British) say Herbz, because there's a fucking "H" in it.." I love Eddie Izzard...he's so weird!

Posted by: Serpentia at January 16, 2006 1:23 AM

Hmmm...my mom was born in Kentucky and raised in West Virginia, and lets face it people, some habits die REALLY hard. Until I was 16 I thought that those evil little hornets were called "waspers." And sometimes I still slip and say it. My mom said it to my dad one time (probably the first time she'd ever said it in front of him..LoL) The conversation went a little like this:

HER: Honey, come and kill this wasper...
HIM: You're West Virginia is slipping again...

Also, on my very favorite episode of Trading Space (maybe I mentioned this earlier...LoL....I don't know)
Was were Edward was telling these two girls that they were going to make "pillas". Now, being raised by a bunch of Hicks myself, neither my mom nor I saw anything wrong with this...but these two girls...Wow. They waited until he went out of the room and the one was like "OMG, he just said 'PillA'." My mom and I laugh QUITE frequently over how childish the two of them sounded. Talk about ignert...LoL

Posted by: Serpentia at January 16, 2006 1:32 AM

My best friend Harriett annoys the bejesus out of me with this one.

Potpourri becomes Pot-POUR-e

My mother is no better. She loves that stuff you spray on your couch and such to make it smell better. Febree. (No saying Z's for that lady, no sirree bob )

Our cat is named Thoth. She calls him Toss.

Posted by: CandyMom at January 16, 2006 3:45 AM

Oh... and Harriett says

SAL-Mun. Not salmon.

Posted by: Candymom at January 16, 2006 3:48 AM

I work at a convenience store and have to bite my tongue everytime I hear someone refer to Reese's Peanut Butter Cups as a REE-SEE's.

It's a fucking silent 'e'! What's so hard about that?!

Also.. when George W. Bush talks about new-kyew-lur weapons, I want to gouge someone's eyes out.

Posted by: Bee Mah Hed. at January 16, 2006 4:27 AM

An openly gay friend of mine, who likes to decorate and make things pretty in his apartment, went to a mattress place and asked for a fruiton....and he never EVER calls it a futon...ever...always a fruiton...

My 78-year-old grandmother got a dog from my cousin who was allergic to it. It's name is Misty, but she calls it Mitzy or Missy...never Misty.

Posted by: parmonie at January 16, 2006 11:40 AM

I had a friend who was drunk in a car with five other people and a cop pulled them over. The driver was not drunk, but the officer asked all the occupants of the car if they had been drinking. One girl in back piped up, "No officer I'm not drunk! I've only had two bevraholic alcages tonight!!"

Posted by: Ellie at January 16, 2006 2:15 PM

Between my husband and my dad any of our children will be screwed!

Classics
American Online
LincoLN
Dis-Heeveled (Disheveled)
hypocondriac (hypocrate)
Melk (Milk)
Pellow (pillow)
Pree-wee-qwes-its (prerequisit)
pa-ladin (paladin)

Posted by: Tregayle at January 16, 2006 2:58 PM

WHAT??!! The "e" in Reese's Peanut Butter Cups is SILENT?

No way... all my life I've said "REE-SEEs"... good lord, I don't believe it.

Prove it!

Posted by: Rick at January 16, 2006 7:20 PM

I can't ever remember the name of this one movie... maybe you've heard of it? 10 days to dump your dude? (How to lose a guy in 10 days)

Posted by: Erik at January 17, 2006 12:33 AM

My ex-girfriend was a gem, it was the absolutely sincere delivery that was the killer. Cry? I almost wet myself.

The Runners Up
Pacifically, instead of specifically
Expresso - Espresso
Brought, instead of BOUGHT -arghhhhh
No rum and no pie - Bob marley is spinning in his grave like a catherine wheel (no woman no cry)

and the Winner...

Fade to:-
INT: Kitchen - Day

Me (reading some paper) I don't get it, who's Mr. Meener?
Her (serious look) You know - Mr. Meeners
Me (puzzled look) Mr. Meeners? what are you going on about?
Her You know, when people do mean things.
Me (absolutely blank)
Her MR. MEENERS (dahhh expression)

Cut to:-
Symobolic penny rolling over chasm

Me Misdemeanours!!!

Cue much falling off chair, wet patch in pants

Her (Absolute sincerity) I thought, you know, thats what people called them, Mr Meeners. Like small mean people.

I laughed so much I thought I was having a heart attack.

Posted by: alphabetty spaghetti at January 17, 2006 1:21 AM

Hi
My mom always goes to K MARTS, it drives me crazy.
Martha

Posted by: Martha at January 17, 2006 3:25 AM

"frah-jeel-eh, it must be Italian."

From the movie, A Christmas Story - you know, where the kids says FUDGE.

Posted by: ala at January 17, 2006 6:53 AM

In Pennsylvania Dutch Country it was always
pilla (pillow)
winda (window)
and my mom would tell us to "red up the room" instead of "clean up the room"

Posted by: Jamie at January 17, 2006 7:25 AM

My brother has aspergers syndrom, but my mother, father, and God knows how many other relatives all call it Asspurgers. Hilarious.

Posted by: Nuri at January 17, 2006 11:13 AM

my father has a tendancy to call Tuesday Morning, (a chain of supposedly discount stores which sell unusual toys from ten years ago, mantle ornaments, ugly lamps, and $45 pillows) Second Tuesday, and the Helen Hutchley Ice Cream shop "Mother Hutchkins", and he won't stop no matter how much we bother him about it

Posted by: Andre at January 17, 2006 7:17 PM

i can't help myself. i just can't. i must add to this:

i confuse eric clapton and elton john constantly.

my mom told me that when she was younger, she was at some random public function and she proclaimed "I'M RAVISHING!" loudly and emphatically enough for everyone around to hear (meaning ravenous).

also, my friend made me a tshirt based on an internet cartoon about kenya. one of the lines of the cartoon is "forget norway," as in, forget it because it's not as cool as kenya, and she put it on the back of the tshirt in big block letters. in one of my classes an old lady who was auditing the class was sitting behind me and she tapped me on the shoulder and said "oh, i couldn't help noticing your shirt. have you been to norway? i went to norway once, what does FORget mean?" with the emphasis on 'for,' so it sounded like a foreign word. i felt...so bad, having to correct her.

Posted by: gilded pavlova at January 17, 2006 7:46 PM

My little niece has an chinese step-mom. She told me her step-mom was "cokeasian".

When I was a junior in high school, our teacher was having us take turns reading a chapter out of our history book outloud. My friend was reading aloud and when she came to the word "chihuahua" she pronounced it "chaHOOaHOOa". I still tease her about that!

Posted by: wastedday at January 17, 2006 9:45 PM

I just remembered another. My daughter had her 7th birthday this weekend. I was picking up all her friends for the party and they asked to listen to the radio. While flipping through the stations, "Gold Digger" was on. I past it up and one little girl said, "Oh PLEASE can we listen to Gold Nigger?" My little girls eyes were huge as she told her friend that was a very naughty word!!!

Posted by: wastedday at January 17, 2006 9:51 PM

On the adult side of things, my husband always says "acrost" instead of "across". That one drives me insane.

Though nothing beats my pastor telling a story about two people who lives didn't manage to intersect often and he said "They were like two trains passing in the night" (instead of the more appropriate ships).

As far as kids go, though...

A good friend's daughter likes to go to "daycarob". And the first time my daughter finally said Santa Clause, it came out "Santa Cock".

Posted by: Debi at January 18, 2006 8:42 AM

For god's sake people stop saying irregardless, unthaw, and addicting. I've simply stopped correcting people on these words it's just not worth the fight.

Posted by: Mikki at January 18, 2006 5:29 PM

After I went to see the Aquabats in concert, my mom asked me, "Oh, how was the Ack-wah-bots concert?"

Posted by: Shrinkwrap at January 18, 2006 5:36 PM

So what, is herb the only word British people pronounce the H in? That's just crazy.

Posted by: Alyssa at January 18, 2006 9:01 PM

^^^^^^^^^^^

In London, I heard a guy pronounce the letter "H" as "Hay-ch," though it sounded more like "High-ch"

Posted by: eauhellzgnaw at January 18, 2006 11:58 PM

One of my wife's friends looks out the windulls, in the morning over breferust. I wonder what she sees?

Posted by: Rocky at January 19, 2006 5:47 AM

when passing notes in high school, my friend kate always wrote "would of" instead of would have... the contraction 'would've' sounds like 'would of' we figured...

Posted by: denise at January 19, 2006 11:28 AM

my dad came home one evening years ago when my brother and I had returned home for Xmas. anxious to do a family thing, he had paid attention to the marquis sign at our small town theatre, and with high hopes asked if we'd be interested in going to a new movie - "honey, I drowned the kids".

good times...

Posted by: snickersnee at January 19, 2006 7:56 PM

It was about three in the morning and I was sitting on the couch with my best friend watching TV. A raisin bran comercial came on and I miss took it for the Pauly Shore movie Son in Law...I think that's what it's called. Anyway all I said was, "I want to see that movie." My responce was a strange but amused look and "Dude that's not a movie, it's raisin bran."

Posted by: Renee at January 19, 2006 9:59 PM

I used to have a best friend who was convinced it was "floor play" not "foreplay". When I told her, she was stunned and really thought I was wrong and has tried to keep her pronunciation ever since. Everyone still makes fun of her.

Posted by: Amanda at January 20, 2006 4:24 AM

For about ten years, I thought that the chorus of Van Halen's "Jump" didn't start with "Might as well jump!" but instead thought it was, "Maxwell, Jump!"

Posted by: CrazyFozzie at January 20, 2006 11:30 AM

My mom has (for as long as I can remember) pronounced the word for our shiny metal friends "robutt". It's just too weird a thing to even think of correcting.

I've also noticed lately that my fiancee has been slipping an x into especially. I find this very strange, because she's right in the torch-waving mob when it comes to complaining about expresso.

Posted by: scott at January 20, 2006 12:27 PM

Also just remembered that the fiancee's niece (about 4) pronounces computer as "big peter". She's very willing to show anyone that she knows how to play with the big peter.

I can't wait until she's older and we get to ask her boyfriend if she's demonstrated her big peter skills.

Posted by: scott at January 20, 2006 12:32 PM

I only recently figured out (or was corrected) that it's Victoria's Secret, not Victoria Secrets as I had been calling it.

Posted by: Special K at January 20, 2006 1:55 PM

Ok, so I don't know if someone already posted this one, but the number one mispronunciation that irks me is chipoLTe (wrong) instead of chipoTLe (right) . I hear the wrong more than the right. Just look at how it's spelled people.

Posted by: janelle at January 21, 2006 12:11 AM

Couldn't help but add one- for my sister song titles were a problem
"It's a Heart Ache" became "It's a Hard Egg" and for some reason "Sexy Eyes" was always called "Dirty Eyes"

Posted by: Amy at January 21, 2006 8:21 AM

my mother would always say i need to go to wal-marts instead of just wal-mart. so i always had to ask, do you really need to go to 2 or more wal-marts, just one!!!. she never found it as funny as i did!!

Posted by: SOL at January 22, 2006 5:41 AM

I work in the automotive business. My boss is a chronic word changer. I used to think he did it on purpose to get at me. He changes the name of cars. Example: Mis-ta-bushi, instead of Mitsubishi, Carmero, instead of Camaro.
Other words are equally at risk. Giberish is said with a "G as in Gift" instead of a "J" sound. Public radio is "published radio". Drives me crazy, but he is a great boss.

Posted by: dave at January 22, 2006 4:43 PM

online casion

Posted by: online casino at January 22, 2006 7:22 PM

A bit off topic, but funny to me none-the-less. I work as a writer's assistant for the UPN show, "EVE" and my main responsibility is to sit at a computer and write whatever the writers dictate to me. I type really fast and I'm a pretty darn good speller, but every once in a while my brain will break down on me. The word i froze on was "rhythm." Rhythm - a word i've known how to spell for as long as i can remember, but on this day, here i am typing and retyping: Rhythym? Rhythem? Rhythim? My computer is hooked up to two television monitors so all the writers watched as i struggled embarrassingly on this terribly simplistic word. Not being able to spell "rhythm" in the EVE writer's room is like not being able to spell "Shalom" in a synagogue.

Posted by: Clay Lapari at January 22, 2006 8:58 PM

Once we were at my friends Grandma's and we said something about our "computron" and Grandma got up and said "What? The coffee's on?".
My other favorite is when my mother in law announces she has to go to "Wal-Mart's or K-Mart's and get something". Actually that is not my favorite because every time she says it I die a little inside. She also has called the show on A&E "Intervention" "Invention" more than once.
My Grandma used to insist the Nintendo was pronounced "Nine-tendo".
I wish I could think of more.

Posted by: Rebecca at January 22, 2006 9:08 PM

I once misread a sign: " no trespassing, prosecuters will be violated"
called altoids "atloids"

Posted by: jim at January 22, 2006 9:09 PM

Oh yea, my dad called "Green Acres" "All on The Farm" and "The Golden Girls" "The Silver Spoons". I know there are more, but I can't think of any.

Posted by: Rebecca at January 22, 2006 9:19 PM

Oh yea, and this one Halloween I went out with some friends and this girl from work and her weird, much older (like 45-ish and we were 21) brother. Anyways, since he was with a bunch of young girls, he got a big head and decided to sing "I'm Just a Gigolo" on karaoke. Except for the ENTIRE song he pronounced it "gig"olo instead of "jig"olo. None of us bothered to correct him.

Posted by: Rebecca at January 22, 2006 9:25 PM

My brother says "PokemAn" too, even though he has two kids who are both Pokemon fans. And Yu-Gi-Oh is "Yugi," even though his son collects the cards, watches the show, and has several T-shirts with "Yu-Gi-Oh" written in letters bigger than your car. Good gravy, dude, you don't have to sit and watch the kids' shows with them, but at least have enough respect for their interests to pronounce it right.

And no matter how many times I correct my mom, X-Men is always "X-Man" to her, as if there's only one of them. I'd sit her down and show her the movie to prove it's "Men," but I'm afraid she'd still call it "X-Man" and then my head would explode.

And I have caught people at work referring to the Spanish language as "Mexican." Grrrr...

But I will confess to "could care less." I await my punishment.

And James, if you ever need any help destroying the computer of somebody who types "opps" for "oops," I will be glad to oblige.

Posted by: Frida at January 23, 2006 5:49 AM

Several years ago my mom and I walked into Blockbuster and she wanted to know if they had "Saving Private Benjamin." I laughed for 20 minutes!

Posted by: Alicia at January 23, 2006 12:35 PM

at the end of winter break, my husband, son and i took an outing to fisherman's wharf because we had nothing better to do. on the way over as we discussed our plans, my 7-year-old son referred to it as "fisherman's dwarf." this is now a permanent fixture in my vocabulary--it has such a great "twin peaks" visual effect...

Posted by: yael at January 23, 2006 4:25 PM

One of my friends was singing a Goldfrapp song [Ride a White Horse] and mistook the word "winniebago" for "mini bagel", we'll never let her live it down...

Posted by: Pancho at January 24, 2006 1:08 AM

My mother got confused with the ever-so-irritating song 'my humps', she was convinced it was 'my hearts'. So naive she is.

Posted by: Chikaboom at January 24, 2006 1:21 AM

my mom also thought the lines to 'oh happy day' were 'when jesus has won' instead of 'when jesus walks'

how she got to that conclusion, i will never know, she may need a hearing aid.

Posted by: Chikaboom at January 24, 2006 1:23 AM

One time a long time ago when I was just little my dad walked into the living and looked at a cassette tape that had been on the coffee table for some time. He then loudly asked, "Is that your Oscar Ozbourne tape?"

(it was an Ozzy Obsbourne tape and it wasn't mine)

Posted by: Gus at January 24, 2006 4:35 AM

online casion

Posted by: online casino at January 24, 2006 9:26 AM

What gets me is that not only do African American sports commentators pronounce "stregth" as "strenth", it seems to have been appropriated by the caucasion ones as well. So as a joke I started pronouncing "length" as "lenth". Now I am just as annoying.

Posted by: erin at January 24, 2006 10:36 AM

Good love my mother-in-law, but she does get my goat when she is talking about a curtain at the top of a window-a valance, but pronounces it as vaLANCE. Also-"suposubly" is another one that really takes the cake. I can't recall the other handful of words with the emPHASis on the wrong SYLAble right this moment.
Oh jeez my husband should win some sort of award for sticking to his guns "That's an old WISE tale".
He doesn't believe me when I tell him I thin k the sayin is old WIVES tale- He believes that sounds too sexist I guess...

Posted by: erin at January 24, 2006 10:46 AM

previous post should have read GOD love my mother-in-law. I promise I do too.

Posted by: erin at January 24, 2006 10:47 AM

My girlfriend was helping a customer at her work. The customer was looking at the reese's peanut butter cups and, being helpful and friendly, my girlfriend asks, "Would you like some reese's PENIS butter cups?"

Who knows what she was thinking about... and I wont state what happened earlier that day.

Posted by: jo bob at January 24, 2006 11:41 AM

I know this doesn't really concern pronunciation, but some of the people posting here are merely aggravated over dialect issues. It gets right up my left nostril that they then can't string a proper sentence together. Sorry, but that's what annoys me the most. Gives me a headache trying to read it. ;)

Posted by: MrMonkey at January 24, 2006 12:00 PM

A girl I knew in college pronounced breakfast as "brefast." She just couldn't get her mouth to make the K. Drove us all nuts.

Posted by: Lili at January 24, 2006 2:13 PM

When my daughter was about 4, we drove past Toys R Us, to which she said "mommy! look, it's Toys R Else!"
Pefect. and if you have a kid, you know what I mean.

Posted by: Marta at January 24, 2006 8:09 PM

My grandmother, upon hearing she was driving to Mexico with my family, said that she was excited about going to the city of "Enchilada", which should be called "Ensenada". Oh grandma!

Posted by: Jeremy at January 24, 2006 11:06 PM

I'm from Connecticut but currently live in California so I am always being corrected when I come out with some crazy pronunciation. (I still think since people have lived on the east coast many many years before the west coast was settled that my pronunciations are the correct ones).

Examples:

perfume=PEARfume
cement=SEEment
drawer=draWa
coffee=COUGHfee

Oh and I'm from New Haven, CT but everyone there says it NUhaven all one word. We can tell a local and non local right away from that one.

Posted by: Melissa at January 25, 2006 1:45 PM

I worked in a deli that served a dish called "Thai Cabbage Salad". Ive had requests for "TyCobb Salad", "They-ie Cabbage" and my favorite : "Thigh Salad"

Posted by: ehren at January 25, 2006 6:08 PM

We were talking about movies at work today & I mentioned 21 Grams. I then said something about Sean Penn being in it. Now RIGHT AFTER I correctly pronounced his name, this one woman goes & says something about 'Seen Penn.' I almost died. I had to quick make an unrelated joke so she wouldn't know that we were all laughing at her.
Yeah...I'm gonna miss that when I quit my job...

Posted by: Alyssa at January 25, 2006 6:25 PM

My Grandfather used to have quite the collection of movies, including his favorite, "Gorillas in the Mist", which he so fondly remembers as, "Gorillas in our Midst"....

Posted by: Keith at January 26, 2006 6:00 AM

My husband in Swedish and says the funniest things sometimes. One night he informed me that he had a case of the munchkins (not to be confused with a case of the munchies). He refers to the Abominable Snowman as the Abdominal Snowman. He also calls the Rice Krispy elves Crack, Smackle, and Pop.

Posted by: Amber at January 26, 2006 6:19 AM

My sister in law used to think the words to CCR tune "bad moon on the rise" was "theres a bathroom on the right"

Posted by: waydog at January 26, 2006 8:08 AM

I hate- absolutely HATE- when people say "wuff" instead of "wolf". THERE'S AN L, PEOPLE. My friend says "pellow", and my baby cousin says "meelk" for "milk". My other baby cousin says "patty" for "potty". "Supposably" pisses me off big time. And many people I know pronounce "toilet", "toe-let". And woe is me, I'm catching on to "Toe-let".

Posted by: Chikin at January 26, 2006 3:49 PM

How about "WARSH"....my step father always says warsh...he cannot even call the father of our country Wash...ington...he is waRshington...sheesh! My boyfriend refers to the flared pitcher of OJ you receive at a restaurant as a "CAR-FAY"..sorry love that is a carafe (cu-raff)...lol. My son has even started in on it....he (at 5) says..."read the CON-structions to me mom"...IN-structions honey!! And please please...when daddy left...he moved into an apartment. NOT A COMPARTMENT! lol

It's also not an Un-raser...you use an Eraser when removing graphite mistakes from paperwork.

I had a boyfriend in highschool...nice boy...but when trying to give me hell for leaving the door open he actually said.."What, were you raised on a farm?"...no dip shit I was born in a barn!!....we still laugh about that .

If only my brother could say "crooked" when referring to something that is not straight...it is forever.."CRICK-ID"

-Yicks- *that one is for you Trint* ;)

Posted by: Angelina at January 27, 2006 7:07 PM

A boy in my history class always used to say 'Virgina' instead of 'Virginia'.

The same boy would say 'orgasm' instead of 'organism', though that might have been just to be a jackass.

Posted by: Emily at January 29, 2006 12:18 AM

I can't believe, after reading this entire thread, that nobody has come up with the "snotty" way to pronounce luxury - lugzury.

Posted by: bightmee at January 29, 2006 7:56 PM

I thought of one more...

I had a friend in High school who said the word "siCKth" instead of "siXth." It's like her little tongue just couldn't wrap itself around that "X."

Also, I've looked both of these up in the dictionary and I know that technically, BOTH pronounciations of both words are correct, but I find both equally annoying.

1) creek - crEEk (a body of water much smaller than a river, or something that happens to a floor board, where you go without a paddle) crIck (sounds like a problem one has with their neck)

2) route - rOUT (a road, or a predetermined way to get to a certain location) rOOt (sounds like something belonging to a tree, or evil, or math, or genealogy. Root already has enough meanings)

Posted by: Serpentia at January 29, 2006 8:19 PM

A friend of mine consistently asks for a "sup" of drink, as opposed to a sip. Also, nearly any word that ends with "ow" such as window, or tomorrow, gets changed to "windel," or "tomorrel."

Posted by: Tom at January 30, 2006 8:21 AM

A lot of people where I come from have a nasty habit of pronouncing Toronto as Cherono, it drives me crazy.

Posted by: Andy at January 30, 2006 4:37 PM

My mum always refers to Subway chain restaraunts as 'SubwayS' - same with 'Supa-CheapS' and refers to 'Dolce & Gabbana' as Doggy & Cabana.

Posted by: Hayley at January 31, 2006 4:02 AM

My friend once dated an English Lit. major. I'll never forget the day she told us about an ancient Greek dramatist called 'Sop-hockles' (Sophocles).

Posted by: James at February 1, 2006 5:07 AM

I lived in the Chicago area for about 2 years, and after moving back to Michigan where I grew up my family, who believe it or not has an average IQ of about 150, every single one of them insist on pronouncing the "s" which for those of you who do not know is silent at the end of Illinois..OMG that is annyoying.

Also my step mother, bless her heart calls sandwiches sangwhiches, I think this is extremely amusing though.

I HATE though when people call Spaghetti Sketti..what is that oooohhh retard.

Posted by: thedoggydidit at February 1, 2006 9:18 PM

LOL! crazyfozzie just made me blush. I thought the words to "Jump" went , "thats where/when I jump"
My god, at least thats cleared up now.

Posted by: Donna at February 2, 2006 1:02 AM