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January 13, 2006
For A Good Time Call...While we were staying with my in-laws, I realized things were oddly quiet and I called out for my two-year-old. He answered, and I found him in my father-in-law's bedroom playing with a bottle of prescription ear medicine, with the cap off. I was immediately terrified, and tried to find out if he swallowed it. He and I then conducted the following ridiculous interrogation scene...
Shit! He really did it. I looked up the number for poison control and called. They really knew their stuff. The woman was immediately able to tell me that the medicine wasn't toxic. She was also highly amused at the belly button answer. Calling Poison Control was such a pleasant experience that I was actually looking forward to calling them again 5 days later when he walked into the kitchen carrying a giant tub of Vaseline.
This kid is out of control. You know those scenes where raccoons break into the cabin and wreck the kitchen in minutes, eating anything they can? That's him. I wasn't too panicked about this one, but the jar did say that if gets eaten that I should call my buds back at Poison Control. I did, and they said it was no big deal, but he might experience a mild laxative effect. Good. Serves him right for making me experience one when I walked in and found him with the bottle of fucking ear medicine. Click here to follow me on Twitter! Click here for The Sneeze Home Page! Comments
Was the Vasaline "Da Bomb Frosting"? Posted by: Josh at
January 13, 2006 2:17 PM
Hahaha. No, but that would have been awesome. Posted by: Steve at
January 13, 2006 2:18 PM
I can see your son getting exasperated after the interrogation, "NO! In da belly button, DIZZLE!" Is this the train on glass artiste? Posted by: TheIdleReceptionist at
January 13, 2006 2:21 PM
absolute gold. Posted by: Bryan Hale at
January 13, 2006 2:21 PM
i can see your son has taken after your "dont eat it steve" qualities. Posted by: mikizzle at
January 13, 2006 2:26 PM
I have twin cousins who crawled under the sink as kids and ate draino, we called them the geniuses from then on. Posted by: will at
January 13, 2006 2:27 PM
I have never wanted children, but after reading your stories it kind of makes me want them just for the entertainment value. haha Posted by: Marie at
January 13, 2006 2:27 PM
"Is this the train on glass artiste?" No, this is the other one. Posted by: Steve at
January 13, 2006 2:34 PM
"I did, and they said it was no big deal, but he might experience a mild laxative effect." Does this mean the next sneeze will be about cleaning the carpet? Posted by: Brian at
January 13, 2006 2:34 PM
Next time its about to quiet just happen to put a correct dose of sleeping-something-or-other on the counter and you shall be happy with the results. Oh yeah, I'm totally kidding.By the way.I took my fill of eating whatever and looked how I turned out. Before anyone says anything I turned out fine!And my mother is a saint! Posted by: Margaret at
January 13, 2006 2:35 PM
I have a hard time paying attention, all i know is that you have a 4-year old who writes the greatest jokes in the history of all funny jokes. What other kids do you have? Posted by: Billy at
January 13, 2006 2:47 PM
*laughing* I'm sure you agree. :) Posted by: Tabitha at
January 13, 2006 2:51 PM
el oh el i hate kids Posted by: ... at
January 13, 2006 2:53 PM
Did your wife do drugs while she was pregnant? No offence, but your children are so bizarre it's hysterical. Posted by: Sara at
January 13, 2006 3:01 PM
Hey, look at the bright side! Posted by: Grooveygr at
January 13, 2006 3:14 PM
Welcome to Parenthood! Your nervous breakdown will be mailed to you shortly after your son finds the box of condoms you keep in your drawer and brings them out as a nice bunch of balloons at your next dinner party. I, as a kid, have pretty much been the primary cause of my dad's current grey hair colour. I sat in a tray of non-waterbased paint as a baby. I painted a RENTED flat with leftover non-waterbased paint - over the top of their polished blackwood furniture. I ate a bar of soap. I ran away to "join the carnival". I painted another flat - this time including the outdoor steps and a flower garden. My sister fell into a six foot hole filled with water. My brother threw all of the loo roll into the toilet and flushed until the entire bathroom was an inch deep in waste. My brothers and a cousin chopped the head off someone's chicken (to eat it for dinner). We made mud out of dirt, poop and pee and threw it at a bikie who kept buzzing past our house at 4am (I think his hair actually fell out after that particular one). My brother nearly got killed in a shed fire, (escaping unharmed just as it ignited due to oxygen on hot haybails). One of my brothers fell down a ditch between the sheds. My sister got hernia. ... it goes on. You have about... oh... 21 (if you have more kids add more to this) more years of this left. I think by the time I came out to my dad 24 years later - he'd pretty much seen and heard it all and hardly cared. After all, my sister had gotten her nose and bellybutton peirced just before. He hardly blinked. Poor old bugger XD Enjoy! *mind you none of us drinks or does drugs, so it could have been a lot worse* Posted by: Moggity at
January 13, 2006 3:22 PM
Adding on to the gray hair thing.I believe something inside my dad died when he found out his only son was becoming a dancer. Posted by: sylvia at
January 13, 2006 3:38 PM
Good morning. I want to join robosapien becaz i want to reaseach in robotics. Help me! Looking for sites on: Hidden tanning bed cams. I found only this - ultrabronz Tanning bed. Sesungguhnya aku turut merasa kehilangannya dalam dunia seni nasyid. Some equipment manufacturers designate wolff on their tanning systems. With respect :-(, Jennelle from Solomon. Posted by: Jennelle at
August 18, 2009 12:24 AM
How are you. Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch. Help me! I can not find sites on the: How to buy home insurance. I found only this - florida home insurance companies. The registered ball is - what the home is in the side of the health if typically the related was required on place 16? Home insurance, los angeles is a limit for towns from all over the system. With best wishes :-), Heloise from Republic. Posted by: Heloise at
March 3, 2010 8:33 AM
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