August 2006 Archives

Growth Spurt

It's Day 3 of Brainwatch 2006 and the boys wasted no time growing last night.

The spitting has begun. Unless you're the Brain-Napper reading this, in which case, I'm totally kidding. Why would I spit on them?! That's so immature. You just go ahead with your stealing and eating. Enjoy!

Close-ups are here and here.

20% Chance of Cloud Cult

As you may already know, Cloud Cult's "Advice from the Happy Hippopotamus" was easily my favorite album of last year. But only because it's basically an eclectic, indie-rock masterpiece.

Craig and the gang have 10 states to go on their current tour, so if you live in America -- there's a 20% chance they'll be playing in yours. It's not often you can see such an amazing band in such small venues. Definitely check them out if you can. My wife and I went to see them up in San Francisco a few months ago and we had the greatest time. The music was great, and they all couldn't have been nicer.

This is also the first time they're coming to Los Angeles. They'll be headlining at the Knitting Factory and would like it very much if there were lots of humans there to play for, so come on down!

Aug 31 2006 - 8:00P - Berbati's Pan - Portland, OR
Sep 2 2006 - 9:30P - Bumbershoot Festival; EMP Sky Church - Seattle, WA
Sep 4 2006 - 9:00P - Bottom of the Hill - San Francisco, CA
Sep 5 2006 - 8:00P - Knitting Factory - Los Angeles, California
Sep 6 2006 - 8:00P - Plush - Tucson, Arizona
Sep 7 2006 - 9:00P - Santa Fe Brewing Company - Santa Fe, NM
Sep 8 2006 - 8:00P - Dulcinea's - Denver, CO
Sep 9 2006 - 8:00P - Sokol Underground - Omaha, Nebraska
Sep 15 2006 9:00P Orpheum Stage Door Madison, WI
Sep 16 2006 8:00P Abbey Pub Chicago, IL
Sep 26 2006 - 10:45P - U of M-Duluth; Late Night Kirby - Duluth, MN
Sep 27 2006 - 8:00P - Pioneer Place on Fifth Theatre - St. Cloud, MN
Sep 29 2006 - 9:00P - Varsity Theater - Minneapolis, MN

Here's their MySpace page with some of my favorite tunes just streaming away.

Brainwatch 2006 Day 2

As of 8:30 this morning...

Like two little batches of fungal dough, they're rising nicely...

Close-ups are here and here.

The Tree with Two Brains

It's that time of year again.

I came home last night to find not one, but two glorious little brain buds emerging from the tree. These are the Billy and Benny McCrary of internet fungi.

My dream is the two will eventually merge -- forming the Ultimate Super Tree-Brain which will then rise up and smite the diabolical woman who STOLE its ancestor one year ago.

I don't know how to stop the thief from returning, but assuming she took it to eat -- I will spit on our little fungi friends every day until she strikes. So at least we'll have that.

Close-ups are here and here.

(If you're new to the whole tree brain thing, we've been following it for years.)

Silly Rabbit

The nominees are in for "Rabbit I'd Most Like To Take A Nap On."

Photo by Betty Chu

I did a search to find out what Mohair is, and it somehow led me to this. Am I the last person to know this is what Angora rabbits look like? They're ridiculous. I desperately need to see the "after" picture of this guy shaved down.

Odeo Audio

Last week I put up a link in the sidebar to test out this new Odeo flash recorder. Thanks to everyone for all the fun audio greetings, and especially Java the Guinea Pig for this one...

powered by ODEO

If you'd like to send me one, just go here. (All it takes is a microphone and a dream.)


Congrats to my buddy Rob at Cockeyed on the success of his excellent Paparazzi Contest!

Guess What?

My six-year-old (who's now okay with being six) has been watching the Game Show Network. I know this because he turned our dinner into a game show in which he was the host and I was the contestant.

The rules are easy. You're given a multiple choice question with 4 possible answers. Each question is worth 1 million dollars. What makes the game fun is sometimes the questions don't make sense, sometimes there's more than one correct answer and sometimes he's just wrong.

It's very entertaining to watch him run the game, especially as he comes up with the multiple choice answers on the fly.

I wrote down all the questions and answers, essentially creating a "home version."

He has officially named the game "Guess What?"

Reveal answers by highlighting to the right of the arrow.

1. Which is the biggest in the way of counting?

A) 91
B) 30
C) 11
D) 10

Highlight for Answer-->91

2. Which restaurant invented chicken?

A) Islands
B) Deli
C) El Pollo Loco
D) In 'N Out

Highlight for Answer-->El Pollo Loco

3. Which volcano was the first one to erupt in time?

A) Mount St. Helens
B) Mount Fuji
C) Mount Casey
D) Mount Resky

Highlight for Answer-->Mount St. Helens

4. Which musical instrument is best used in a symphony?

A) Trumpet
B) Cello
C) Violin
D) Organ

Highlight for Answer-->Violin

5. When do you take your hat off when you see the President?

A) Royal Flag
B) Comedy
C) Respect
D) Country

Highlight for Answer-->Royal Flag

Hopefully the next game of "Guess What?" will be accompanied by a sweet new logo by my doodling genius pal, S. Britt. (No pressure, Stephan.)

Sexual Slang

I suppose I've just been exposed to too many of those slang terms for alleged nasty sexual acts such as the Dirty Sanchez and the Cleveland Steamer (click for definitions if you must)...

So I couldn't help chuckling to myself when I saw this new Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavor in the store yesterday.

I have no idea what takes place during a "Dublin Mudslide" but I'm pretty sure I'd rather give one than receive one.

Razzlin' Polar Bears

When you have 20 minutes to kill, please check out this clip of Kevin Smith discussing his experience rewriting a Superman movie in the mid-90s. Really great stuff.

This clip is from a double DVD entitled "An Evening with Kevin Smith." Here it is at Amazon. Even if you don't dig his movies, he is one entertaining fucker.

Long-Distance Love Affair

My kids have really gotten into The Incredibles lately. So I feel they're the ones responsible for me thinking about giving it to Elastigirl.

I don't really think she's that hot, but I can't help but be intrigued by any woman who can unzip my pants with her nipples.

Before she and I got down to serious business, I'd like to think she'd indulge my request to fashion a lengthy Slip-'N-Slide out of her Elasti-Boobies. Thanks to me, sliding across a vast expanse of tit may finally be accepted as a legitimate form of foreplay. (Fingers-crossed!)

She and I would then commence the sex act with me in a completely different room-- thanks in-part to her fantastical stretchy hoo-hah.

Later, I might find myself drifting off to sleep nestled in the warm shelter of what can only be described as an ass-hammock. (I fully expect her bottom to be at least as comfy as a pillow-top mattress. Possibly memory-foam.)

Safe sex is important, even in the world of pretend human/animated superhero relations. Elastigirl and I are both married and have kids, so the last thing we need is her getting pregnant. Luckily, I'd have the only woman on the side capable of making her own condoms.

Something Colorful

A belated happy birthday to old pal of The Sneeze, Adam Savage!

And in the grand tradition that began with Eric, Enemy of Trains-- I give you Adam's first-hand account of how he started his special day....

My birthday began like this:

Me sleeping.

Addison (my son)'s voice pulls me from sleep with the following sentence: "Dad-- we were having a light saber battle and accidentally banged the (brand new 40 inch Sony LCD HD) tv."

After a quick series of parental computations about what this might actually mean, and what I'd like to hear next (like a dented frame, a broken button etc) I ask: "What happened?"

"Something colorful" he says.

A huge beautiful, ball peen hammer sized crack in the dead middle of the gorgeous image.


While this is a terrible story, I do think the response "Something colorful" is so fantastic, it might almost make the whole thing worthwhile.

UPDATED: A Fark reader created this great story-inspired image.

You can find the official Mythbusters site right here and Adam's Sneeze interview here.

What It Was Being...

A salute to "Ad Hominem" and the handful of others who determined that What May It Be was one of the holes in a TWIX COOKIE. I'm surprised and comforted to know that I'm not the only one out there who ever felt the need to know what was going on inside a Twix.

For the rest of you who never bothered, I give you the following naked Twix cookie -- lovingly extracted by yours truly...

The holes don't go all the way through. They're more like little pockets to house some of the candy's caramel.


- Twix was introduced in 1979.

- It was called Raider in several European countries for many years before its name was changed in 1991 (2000 in Finland) to match the international brand name.

- This name change was met with scorn in Germany. The slogan "Raider heißt jetzt Twix, ... sonst ändert sich nix" ("Raider is now called Twix, ... nothing else changes") has become a metaphor for botched attempts to make something look more modern by giving it a new, cool name.

- In Thailand an Englishman was poisoned by a Twix that Tesco staff had doctored with floor cleaner.

- There was also an orange-flavored Twix (limited edition) available in Europe.

Enjoy your pride A.H.


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