sent to CBS programming...

Dear CBS,

I know you're busy what with your network and all, but I'm pretty busy too, so let's keep this brief. Last week I gave NBC the chance to recapture their glory days of famous hair. In the 90s they had "The Rachel" and "The Clooney" but in the 2000's what do they have? Nothing. Nada. Zero! A GOOSE EGG!

I need a kick ass haircut called "The Steve," to take the country by storm, so let's get this storm started yo! I'm confident the fancy CBS hair stylists can come up with it! I presented NBC with this golden opportunity to figure out what "The Steve" should look like and they didn't even write back. You know what this says? No fire in the belly!

Now, I'm not on TV, but I do have my own website. So I think it's clear we can both benefit when everybody is lined up at salons clamoring for "The Steve." (I'm thinking unisex for maximum impact. Am I right?!)

Don't drop the ball like the suits at Channel 4! With Raymond gone, you could use a little shot in the arm. I know "Two and Half Men" is a hit, but do you see anybody asking for "The Cryer?" (I think we both know the answer to that question.) I liked Ducky as much as the next guy, but come on!

Let me know what the next steps are.

Steve

P.S. I part my hair on the right. (My right.)