November 9, 2005

the one that got away

If you'll indulge me, at times I like to post stories that I feel are important, or at least offer a little more culture and insight than you normally find here...

One day when my wife was pregnant and not feeling her best, I blasted out a really vile one right next to her. (By the way, this may not be the best example of one of those "important" stories I was referring to earlier.)

While my personal pollution hung in the air, we sat in silence until my wife put her hand over her mouth and said, "I think I'm going to throw up." Then she ran into the bathroom and shut the door.

This was not one of my proudest moments, but I actually stood in the hallway outside the bathroom thinking, "Oh, please throw up. Oh please. Even just a little."

I felt bad for her, but also realized this had the potential to be the greatest fart story of all time. From there on in, anytime the topic came up among my friends and they were laughing and bragging about some horrible creation of theirs, it would always come back to: "Yeah, but Steve made his wife puke."

After a couple of minutes the bathroom door opened. "Are you okay?" I asked, with great sincerity.

"I'm fine. I didn't throw up," she said. "Even though I know you wanted me to, you ass."

I tried to make this happen a few more times during the pregancy, but she never did get sick.

In retrospect, it wasn't the nicest thing to do-- I mean, if she really loved me, she didn't have to try so hard to keep it down.

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Posted by Steven | Archive