November 7, 2005

Just Between Us Girls

I was poking around in an old hard drive and came across something that made me smile.

Long before The Sneeze, I had started a webzine with two buddies back in 1996. One of the features was called "Just Between Us Girls" where my friend Anthony agreed to try out products intended for women and review them.

I think we only did two of these segments, so here's the first one. From 1996 straight to you...

The times they are a-changing. More chicks are smoking cigars and the ladies of the WNBA are cheered on by hundreds of fans. That's great, we just want to keep things equal.

So while women explore worlds previously dominated by men, Anthony walks on the softer side - sampling products intended only for feminine consumption.

* * * * *

I woke up Sunday morning at 9:30 and decided to try out the Neet. On my face.

Opening the bottle, I passed it by my prodigious nose and thought it had a somehwat feminine bouquet, in fact it smelled quite nice. I had shaved the night before and woke up Sunday morning with the equivalent of a five o'clock shadow.

Following the directions on the bottle I started by applying a small amount to an area below my left cheekbone, under my chin. I left it on for the required 15 minutes, which was tough, because I'm a guy, and guys don't wait fifteen minutes for anything. I knew, no matter how good this product was, I couldn't fully adopt it into my daily routine because of this 15 minute requirement. My entire morning routine barely takes 10 minutes, so Neet was already starting with a disadvantage.

After suffering through this quarter of an hour, I removed the Neet by washing throroughly with lukewarm water as directed. Sure enough, the area of skin treated by Neet was now as smooth as a baby's bottom -- with no side effects! So I decided to try it on the rest of my face.

I lathered up my whole face this time, and watied another fifteen minutes. This was a tougher wait because I could feel my cheeks flaring up and I started to smell like those beauty salons my mom used to drag me to while she got her permanent. I ran to the bathroom and washed to stuff from my face. Surprisingly, almost all the hair was still there. Then I washed my face with scented soap and the beauty salon smell still lingered. To be blunt - I stunk! I washed again and nothing. After about a half hour my face felt really raw and I ran to the mirror to see my cheeks enflamed and rosy. I was "glowing" in the same way that a pregnant woman does, only this hurt.

At around 11am I left my apartment to go visit my parents. On the way I stopped at a record store, and picked up a few CD's. Walking from the store to my car, I was accosted by a 19 year old male who wanted me to buy him beer at a nearby market. I tried to get out of it and finally did when he said, "Dude, YOU SMELL WEIRD!" and walked off. No joke. The Neet may not have done much for my stubble, but it got me out of an awkward situation. Unfortunately the smell stayed for the rest of the day.

DOES IT WORK FOR A MAN: That depends on how you define "work" and "man", and unfortunately I have little understanding of the true definition of either of those words. If I was to recommend it to a man I would say, "Be careful! You don't want to smell like a beauty salon, do you?" Then I would suggest using it sparingly, perhaps only to remove those hairs that a typical safety razor just can't get to. Isolate the tough spots and only use it there. If you subtract the smell and the flared up cheeks, I suppose it would make a good supplement to a traditional shave.

I may need to pull Anthony out of retirement on these. They're pretty fun.



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