April 1, 2005

industrial light & sweet

This "Java the Truck" coffee-mobile bummed out my friend Steve. He says as far as Star Wars themes go, "Truck" is too far of a stretch from "Jabba the Hutt" for this name to be good. He'd much prefer it to not be on wheels and go by the name "Java the Hut."

This got us on a minor Star Wars Themed Coffee Shop/Beverage tangent. Steve came up with "Death Starbucks"-- home of the "Latte Saber."

His favorite so far was my suggestion of: "Brewbacca's," where I think you might like to unwind with a refreshing "R2-Dcaf."

I'm not a Star Wars geek - I haven't even seen any of the recent installments, but if you have any Star Wars coffee shop and/or beverages you need to share with the galaxy, the comment board is NOW CLOSED.

Click here for The Sneeze Home Page!
Posted by Steven | Archive

Obi-Wan Kenobeans

Posted by: dot9 at April 1, 2005 6:47 AM

Mocha Jawa, Chai-Tea Station (Tashi Station... power converters?), Princess Leia Cinnamon Rolls (a side dish, comes in pairs), Boba Fett (asian tapioca drink) ...and I'm spent.

Posted by: Aurorealis at April 1, 2005 6:59 AM

Cafe au Lando Calrissian

Grande Moff Mocha Tarkin

Posted by: Uncle Horns at April 1, 2005 7:00 AM

I lied. One more... Salacious Crumbcake

Posted by: Aurorealis at April 1, 2005 7:00 AM

Jar Jar of Beans (for take-home coffee beans)

Posted by: Runny at April 1, 2005 7:05 AM

Admiral Snackbar

Posted by: Prof. X M.D. at April 1, 2005 7:11 AM

Cafe au Leia

Posted by: Prof. X M.D. at April 1, 2005 7:20 AM

Iced Bobaccino

Posted by: Prof. X. M.D. at April 1, 2005 7:23 AM

Darth Lager
Jawa "play on Java"
Mocha Calrissian

Posted by: darth matt at April 1, 2005 7:41 AM

Steve, you will make tons of money if you actually open up this shop.

Posted by: Dr. Seymour Bibbons, Esq. at April 1, 2005 7:43 AM

Admiral Snackbar - that kills me. (Might it be spelled Snakbar?) I also salute you for Cafe au Leia. Perfect.

Posted by: Steve at April 1, 2005 7:43 AM

Han Espressolo

Posted by: Steve at April 1, 2005 7:54 AM

Carboniced Mocha

Posted by: Mike at April 1, 2005 8:07 AM

yeah, or

"paul reiser: couplehood" sorbet..

i'm sorry, what was the assignment?


Posted by: brimley at April 1, 2005 8:16 AM

Millenium Falkona Coffee

Green Tea P O

Mocha Fett

Posted by: Deadpan at April 1, 2005 8:24 AM

Mocha Jawa should be the "small"...but for the extra-jumbo size, it should be *Mocha Jabba*!

I suppose the coffeeshop could be called "Chewbucks", but that's pushin' it. Oh, wait, isn't that what Starbucks does already with it's prices?

For the kiddies, how about some *Hoth Chocolate*?

Posted by: Deenzadrine at April 1, 2005 8:40 AM

Darth-roasted beans

Light-flavor beans

Sugar Wookies (hehe cookies)


/got nothin'

Posted by: Susan at April 1, 2005 8:40 AM

Cloud City Coffee
Emperor's Dark Side Roast
TonTon Bon Bon (like the Leia buns...)

Posted by: Marissa at April 1, 2005 8:58 AM


* Princess Leia Organic Blend * (Organa, get it?)
* Darth Roast *
* Greedo Tea *
* Amidalaretto *
* Creme Wookieé *


* Mos Eis Cream *
* Endoritos *

and my favorite...* Salacious Crumbcake *

I think I want some Hoth Chocolate now...

Posted by: Deenzadrine at April 1, 2005 8:59 AM

Oh crap, someone beat me to Salacious Crumbcake...oh well!

Posted by: Deenzadrine at April 1, 2005 9:00 AM

For those who don't like freshly-brewed coffee, how about offering Sankanakin?

Posted by: Ben at April 1, 2005 9:07 AM

The tip jar should just say "Greedo".

Posted by: Dr. Mindbender at April 1, 2005 9:12 AM

in the pastry case: Obi-Wan Cannoli.... or Kannoli i suppose

Posted by: Dave at April 1, 2005 9:14 AM

I smell a lawsuit brewing...

Posted by: AngelCat at April 1, 2005 9:29 AM

Wookie cookies

Posted by: ibcidic at April 1, 2005 9:41 AM

Brewk Chaiwalker
Bean Solo (A chocolate-covered bean?)
Prune-juice Teia

Posted by: cyberhobo at April 1, 2005 9:54 AM

Unfortunately, if you tried to open this coffee shop up. George Lucas would probably hire an army or storm troopers -erm uh, lawyers, to litigate you into oblivion. Thus blowing up your coffee shop with the light of a 100 suns.

If you open the shop, please make sure your menu reads like the opening credits to the first movie.

I'm still boycotting Star Wars after that stupid Jar-Jar thing I got sucked into a few years ago.

Posted by: Jakeums at April 1, 2005 10:08 AM

No problem. I'm prepared to defend my coffee shop with a squadron of Chai-Fighters.

Posted by: Steve at April 1, 2005 10:12 AM

(I used to do this with my friends names...I'm a dork)

Name of the place could be:
The Coffchee Station
Or Java's Palace
Or The Death Starbucks
Or Coffee Bay 94
Or A Wretched Hive of Scum and Coffee

Drinks and related:
Qui Gon Stimulant
The Great Sar-latte
Count Deecaf

um... that's all for now.

Posted by: Kiefo at April 1, 2005 10:15 AM

"These are not the beans you're looking for."

Posted by: pells at April 1, 2005 10:32 AM

For Breakfast:

Uncle Owange Juice

Posted by: Thomann at April 1, 2005 10:34 AM

Lukewarm Chaiwalker

Posted by: Brad at April 1, 2005 10:36 AM

Caramel MachiWatto

Posted by: THomann at April 1, 2005 10:42 AM

Just to let you know, for whoever suggested them, wookiee cookies already exist. There's a whole cookbook on them and other star wars goodies.

How about Sarlaktose free milk?
You could get gatorade to sponsor since it has endor-phins.
Mos Eis Cream can come in a bowl or a clone.

Posted by: Shayne at April 1, 2005 11:03 AM

Mocha-wan kenobi

Posted by: Gemini6Ice at April 1, 2005 11:09 AM

Here's a few more to sip and/or chew on:


Grand Moff Muffin

TuScone Raider


Posted by: Dutch at April 1, 2005 11:25 AM

I only want some Wookie Cookies if they're made out of real Wookies (with apologies to the Addams family)...

Posted by: Brett at April 1, 2005 11:46 AM

the Obi-wan canoli is superb, Dave.

A funnier spin on the whole wookie thing would
be "Wookies 'n Cream frozen dessert. Sounds kind of disgusting though,eh?

Maybe a single shot of expresso would be a Han Solo. Or not. Uhhhhg. This
has all left me feeling so geeky.

Posted by: felix at April 1, 2005 11:48 AM

may i respectfully say that this joke has run its course? dragging and analysing a mundane joke beyond its limits has been your (and your readers') forte, and i am always very entertained by it, but this one has gone a little stale. not unlike a degobagel. count it!

Posted by: faithful reader at April 1, 2005 12:16 PM

What fun is a joke if we can't beat it like a dead bantha for a while?

I'd call the place Chock Full O' Hutts.

Posted by: Pete at April 1, 2005 12:20 PM



Posted by: Johnnylaw at April 1, 2005 12:30 PM

I can't believe no one's suggested a Yoda Fountain yet.

(soda...for the not-so-hip)

Posted by: Susan at April 1, 2005 12:50 PM

Owww - Owww... Must stop laughing..hurts...

Posted by: Kenpogirl at April 1, 2005 12:51 PM


Posted by: wookiee at April 1, 2005 12:57 PM


Posted by: Tom C. at April 1, 2005 1:09 PM

Tom - thanks for using tinyurl -- i usually swap out long URLs using tinyurl because they mess up the formatting on the pemalink page.

Posted by: Steve at April 1, 2005 1:37 PM

Nabrew (Naboo)
Tea -3PO
Mon Mothma Muffins
Cantina Caffeina
Jango Juice
General Crix Praline (Madine)
Coffee served in a Dug Mug
A Large Hoth Froth

I'm all out...

Posted by: S. Murray at April 1, 2005 1:38 PM

Caramel Macchiyoda

Mocha Frappadawan

Aunt Brew (Beru)


Posted by: Charlie at April 1, 2005 1:48 PM

Attack of the Scones

Posted by: Charlie at April 1, 2005 1:52 PM

Here goes my shot at locking up the coveted "Geekiest Post" award.

Chai Snoodles

Wedge An-Tea Leaves

And perhaps, if this particular coffee shop serves sandwiches at lunch time, you could stop in and order a nice Bib Fortuna fish sandwich.

(and if they ever get their liquor license you could wash that down with a Qui Gon-Jin & Tonic.)

Posted by: Dutch at April 1, 2005 1:54 PM

Jedi Mild Chicory

Posted by: Jordan at April 1, 2005 1:57 PM

How bout that Mocha Eisley?

Posted by: S^B at April 1, 2005 2:09 PM

For the meat eaters amongst us:

tauntaun wontons

tastes similar to chicken.

Posted by: casey b at April 1, 2005 2:44 PM

Hungry? Try our:

Boba Fett-ucine

Damn you, Steve! Now this is all I can think about.

Posted by: casey b at April 1, 2005 2:54 PM

here's three new installments to the saga...

Episode IV - A Brew Hope

Episode V - The Empire Takes Black

Eposide VI - Return of the Chai

Posted by: charlie at April 1, 2005 3:15 PM

> The tip jar should just say "Greedo".

I nominate "Jarbucks".

Posted by: Derek at April 1, 2005 3:24 PM

If you bring a child with you, you might need to ask for a "Bib For-junior"

Alright, so that was a stretch.

Posted by: Shayne at April 1, 2005 4:39 PM

How funny is this, the guys at work are listening to the Cavs game while I'm reading this, and in the background I heard the "Star Wars" theme song playing. Talk about syncronicity.

Oh kay, so this is Star related in any case. I always wanted to open up a mall with a Star Trek theme. I think this would be awsome. You could call it The Promenade (because that was the name of the shopping/bar/restaurant area "Deep Space Nine." And all the employees would have to wear costumes and makeup. Paramount could back this whole thing. Like, the bar could be Quark's and you could get served by Ferengi. Mall security would be dressed in the brown Bajoran uniforms (one of them could have Odo's make up). There could also be Guinan's lounge for those who are in to Next Gen. There could even be actors who walked around dressed for the part as Klingons, Bajorans, Cardassians, etc, etc... And the coolest part, you could stop in at Quark's and get a Romulan Ale (which of course would have to be a "Blue Motorcycle" because Romulan Ale is illegal in Federation territory.

Okay, now that I've shown that I'm absolute and complete nerd....

Posted by: Serpentia at April 1, 2005 6:55 PM

I cracked up at attack of the scones!

how about a Mango Fett Smoothie.

Posted by: Axle at April 1, 2005 7:38 PM

There's an actual Java the Hut in Silver City, New Mexico (pop. around 15,000—my hometown). It's in a trailer (I think; or a trailer-like structure) on Bullard Street, next to the motorcycle shop, the window-tinting business, and the gelato parlor.

Posted by: Elan at April 1, 2005 7:51 PM

Yeah, I'm late on this, but I was reading these out loud and The Wife suggested a Geek Salad with Fett-a cheese.

Posted by: Stoney at April 1, 2005 8:28 PM

han soda (not really coffee, but ya know...)

Posted by: terico at April 1, 2005 11:22 PM

Revenge of the Sips

Darth's Maulteds

Aunt Brew's


Posted by: Glen at April 1, 2005 11:24 PM


Slant rhymes are the shit.

Posted by: Colin's hot sister at April 1, 2005 11:54 PM


If you're listening to the Cavs game on WTAM 1100 you're probably still hearing the Cuban station that's broadcasting at half a million watts in the background, too.

Not that it has anything to do with Star Wars.

Um... Millennium Falscone?

Posted by: John at April 2, 2005 12:04 AM

Qui Con Gin

Posted by: peoriagrace at April 2, 2005 4:35 AM

Why is it that nothing coffee-related rhymes with 'force' ?

Posted by: Exentrix at April 2, 2005 6:20 AM

X-wing fritter?

Posted by: Alan at April 2, 2005 9:07 AM

Where are the Princess Bunheads?

Posted by: atmikha at April 2, 2005 11:53 AM

I am not sure if this is related, but in a similar situation a group of friends and I theorized on possible combinations of presidential assasinators and sexual terms (I believe it was president's day, and I promise we are not sickos). let's just say sirhan sirhandjob was mentioned...

Posted by: Jeff at April 2, 2005 2:18 PM

So you would be served by Death Staristas, right?

Posted by: Jay Nickola at April 2, 2005 5:16 PM

luke coffeewalker!

Posted by: jordan at April 2, 2005 6:11 PM

how about Tea-3PO or Steam Trooper (it could be steamed milk with flavoring) Han Soda (like italian soda's) Boba Frap (frappiccino)....wow Im a geek, but I think those are great drink names

Posted by: Mallory at April 2, 2005 7:27 PM

Serpentia, your star trek fantasy has come true! at some hotel in Las Vegas -- probably owned by Paramount, of course.

As for the Star Wars Coffee Shop, drink names with which I agree are:
Luke Chaiwalker
Mocha Jawa

Desserts? I agree with and promote:
Obi-Wan Cannoli
Cone Troopers
Mos Eis-cream
Rum Bobas

Degobagels are fantastic, as is Admiral Snakbar (It's a trap!).

Love this site!

Posted by: ecd at April 2, 2005 9:56 PM

Here's a few:
Chai Wing
Yodargeeling Tea
Chewbaclava (pastries)
For the Mos Eis Cream, perhaps served in a
Millenium Falcone?
Or maybe some Padmint Ice Cream?

Wow, I've never been so nerdy.

Posted by: Tony at April 2, 2005 11:11 PM

Darth Maulchiato
Count Duku-kies
Jar Jargeeling (yeah, another one)

Posted by: Tony at April 2, 2005 11:21 PM

Umm... there are quite a few people started to repeat ideas... please read above posts before posting. as for me...

Nerf Burger (Nerf Herder)
TatooCream (Tatooine)
Tea K421 (tk421)

That's all for now... and remember:

Brew or brew not, there is no Chai.

Posted by: Paul at April 2, 2005 11:22 PM


Unfortunately I live no where NEAR Las Vegas, I was thinking a little closer to the North East...LoL....but thanks for the thought

Posted by: Serpentia at April 3, 2005 5:42 AM

Umm.. Sand Cruller.

Posted by: Jeff Alward at April 3, 2005 7:36 AM

Luke Skycoffee!!!



(you know who)

P.S. Wait! Luke COFFEEwalker!

(Ya like that? Heh? No charge,)

Posted by: Dan at April 3, 2005 11:10 AM

Mos Iced Tea

Posted by: Lenny at April 3, 2005 4:21 PM

There is a java the hutt at Skywalker Ranch in Marin. Oh yeah, it is true.

Posted by: rob cockerham at April 3, 2005 10:34 PM

um, as for nothing coffee related going with "force"... what about "force ground coffee"?

(as in coarse ground)

Posted by: adacia at April 3, 2005 11:10 PM

Personal favorite: Luke Coffewalker.
I'd like to add:
-May The Coffee Be With You
-Tall Latte X-Wing
-Lando Calrissian Chai
-Landspeeder Cinnamon Roll
-Nerdgasm Chocolate Chip Cookie

Posted by: Doktor Florian at April 4, 2005 9:26 AM

Wait a minute.

You haven't seen the recent installments? What are you, a communist?

Wait til they're on the big screen in your area, in digital. Visually stunning, if nothing else.

Posted by: Raoul Paste at April 4, 2005 12:37 PM

http://www.itsatrap.net/ For all of you Admiral Snakbar fanatics, here's a website you might enjoy. Google is a marvelous thing. Some kid took like 5 seconds to make this.

Posted by: jgaudreau at April 4, 2005 5:26 PM

how big a geek am I that I know that that Chewbacca mug was the FIRST licensed star wars product ever? I think it was licensed before the movie even came out.

Pretty big geek I think... worth quite a bit for a mug too.

Posted by: jen at April 4, 2005 6:26 PM

I think these are more coffeehouse names...
Java Jawas
Industrial Latte & Mocha

Posted by: jen at April 4, 2005 6:41 PM

Vader Water
Vader Taters
Boba Fat-free Muffins
Sarlac Snacks (it's people!!!)
Jar Jar Drinks
Lando Calimarian (stretch)

The Emperor's New Cloves (garlic dish?)
Falafel with Tattoo-hini sauce?

Posted by: mike at April 5, 2005 11:32 AM


Posted by: lil at April 7, 2005 5:21 AM

i would prefer a coffee francise based on my favorite science-fiction film, ZAPPED! starring Scott Baio and Willie Aames.

But much like the film and it's stars' carreers, I think this franchise would be a crashing failure.

Posted by: aaron at April 7, 2005 5:24 PM

Foam Troopers

Posted by: Nick at April 11, 2005 10:29 AM

I just found the site. It's pretty cool. You should check it out. www.javathetruck.com I still would have gone with java the hut, but it's pretty clever.

Posted by: Joe at April 11, 2005 7:51 PM

Just thought I'd add, my friends wanted to make an idea similar to this. Only it sucked a lot harder. A tahini truck, instead of an ice-cream truck, they'd put tahini in cones and sell it and everyone would know them across the country. Kinda stupid.

Posted by: Yair at April 13, 2005 9:53 AM

Admiral Snakbar...

Now I have to clean flying nose coffee off my laptop...

Posted by: Rob at April 13, 2005 10:18 AM

I dream of someday opening a small, elegant cafe, serving pearl tea (also known as boba) and naming the place Boba Fête.

Not really. But it would be funny.

Posted by: Holli at April 13, 2005 9:05 PM

how about... Java the Truck! Its ingenious and original!

Posted by: Matt at April 14, 2005 8:11 AM

will you call you drinkmakers barista d'an?
how about a lovely max tea-bo?

Posted by: koroshiya at April 14, 2005 10:17 AM

what a great idea: www.javathetruck.com

Posted by: what a great idea at April 27, 2005 3:08 PM

Han Doppio


And can we extend this to Star Trek?

Spock Chocolate

This site is the Calvin & Hobbes of the Web. Gold.

Posted by: TheIdleReceptionist at August 25, 2005 12:11 PM