September 23, 2005

Catchin' Cows!

I've absorbed quite a bit of train knowledge from the avalanche of train videos my son watches. Now that you know this, I'm sure you're all wondering, "Steve, what's your favorite train part?"

Quite frankly, I think that's a little forward and odd of you, but whatever...

My favorite train part is officially:


It's this pointy beast mounted on the front of the engine, and it's designed to prevent train wrecks caused by cows wandering onto the tracks.

I would desperately love to see one of these things delicately "catch" a cow out of harm's way-- as the train barrels down the tracks at 70 miles per hour.

As wonderful as the name is, here's a few more alternates that I'm hoping catch on...

- The Burger Maker

- The Cow Popper

- The Moo-tilater

Got another name? The comment board is NOW CLOSED.

Click here for The Sneeze Home Page!
Posted by Steven | Archive

WOOHOO! First comment!

A Bovine Blaster?

Porterhouse Plow?

Posted by: Wompa at September 23, 2005 10:56 AM

I like "The Cow Plow" for being both accurate and alliterative.

Posted by: dave at September 23, 2005 10:56 AM

how bout the " Mooooooooooove the hell out the way, here comes a train thing"?

Posted by: oneil at September 23, 2005 11:08 AM

How about the "Ruminate-wrecker" or the "Bovine-buster"?

Posted by: Jeremy at September 23, 2005 11:09 AM

The Udderly Devastating Beef Buster

Posted by: Toast at September 23, 2005 11:12 AM

maybe something more simple, like "THE SPLAT-ULA"

Posted by: oneil at September 23, 2005 11:13 AM

The bullwhip
The ground beef
The udder disaster

Posted by: Holly at September 23, 2005 11:32 AM

Meat Tenderizer

Posted by: JohnO at September 23, 2005 11:36 AM

How about burger flipper?

Posted by: bacon at September 23, 2005 11:39 AM

How about the Cow Catapult or the Bovine Bandy?

Posted by: BAJ at September 23, 2005 11:53 AM

the cow-a-pult....a butcher's best friend

Posted by: xon at September 23, 2005 11:58 AM

The Meat Beater

Posted by: cray at September 23, 2005 11:59 AM

Close BAJ the Cow-tapult

or perhaps

Cow Moover
Cow on a Stick

Posted by: Nard at September 23, 2005 12:02 PM

Ruggedized Rapid Bovine Displacement System!

Posted by: Me! at September 23, 2005 12:09 PM

Since it will move any animal out of the way, including those dump sleeping sheep,

I go for Livestock alarm clock.

Posted by: ME Strauss at September 23, 2005 12:17 PM

I'm going to have to second JohnO's 'Meat Tenderizer'. Ever so effective.

Posted by: Alex at September 23, 2005 12:37 PM

If you're gonna go the catapult route I think it has to be the "Cattlepult".

Posted by: Josh at September 23, 2005 12:43 PM

The Paddy Whacker

Posted by: Mindy at September 23, 2005 12:45 PM

The "Steak Spike".

Posted by: Max at September 23, 2005 12:47 PM

the "suicidal cow's answer to prayer"???

Posted by: Annette at September 23, 2005 12:49 PM


Posted by: Daniel at September 23, 2005 1:09 PM

The "Cattlepult" is so awesome. You know I love you guys, right?

Posted by: Steve at September 23, 2005 1:11 PM

Agreed on the Cattlepult, my brain is too fried today to have seen the obvious.

And if you look at my 2nd choice Josh, that is what "Adolf's" is.... a Meat Tenderizer. ;)

Posted by: Nard at September 23, 2005 1:16 PM

How about "The Bull Whacker"? It's the historical name for the guy on the stage coach that whipped the crap out of the cows. It think it's much better suited for the train though.

Posted by: pkillur at September 23, 2005 1:19 PM

Dr. Cowvorkian?!?

Posted by: Shanon at September 23, 2005 1:19 PM

Taking a cue from VW, how about
"Front End Bovine Safety System."

Posted by: Darla at September 23, 2005 1:20 PM

It also resembles a prow on ancient galleys (does anyone know the name of that piece of equipment?) so... RAMMING SPEED!

Posted by: Kurt at September 23, 2005 1:21 PM

mmm cattlepult

Posted by: Nard at September 23, 2005 1:28 PM



Got Milk?

Evaporated Milk

Posted by: Mindy at September 23, 2005 1:30 PM

Cow Poke

Okay, I'm done now!

Posted by: Mindy at September 23, 2005 1:32 PM

the Heifer Heaver

Posted by: amanda f. at September 23, 2005 1:33 PM

Steak, It's Whats for Dinner!
The GroundChucker

Posted by: TJ at September 23, 2005 1:42 PM

Cattle Splatter

Posted by: TJ at September 23, 2005 1:46 PM

The Ruminantor

The Bull Whip

The Steer Smear(er)

The Grazer Taser

Posted by: MikeY at September 23, 2005 2:11 PM

The name and design tell me this:
Colored a vibrant RED to alert the animal in advance!
Cow is gently pushed to safety and caught by the soft grass mere feet away!
Slotted design to reduce any potential left-over residue!
Think of it as a gentle hug for a cow!

Way to make the name sound harmless... you, whoever invented that name!
Along with all of the responses, a much more appropriate name would definetly be:
or simply,
The Spear for short.

Posted by: Tabitha at September 23, 2005 2:17 PM

Up in Alastucky we call those things "Moose Goosers".

Posted by: The Cheese at September 23, 2005 2:27 PM

The Angus Fang

The Longhorn Pronghorn

The Ungulate Plunger

The Guernsey Gurney

The New York Strip

The Bovid Flailing Hereford Whaling Rumproast Sailing Taurus Baling Beef Impaling Front-grill Railing!

Posted by: cyberhobo at September 23, 2005 2:32 PM


Posted by: JeepMcMuddy at September 23, 2005 2:50 PM

The Cow Chucker

The Bull Crapper

Vegan Revenge

Posted by: Alyssa at September 23, 2005 2:56 PM

Big Mac Attacker
Quarter Pounder Pounder
Bossie Repellant
Yowie Cow Owie
Block Angus
Moo Scooper
Steak Maker
Milk Shaker

Posted by: Glen at September 23, 2005 2:57 PM

Sizzler chisel.

Claf raiser.
Cudd-thudder. (or Udder thudder)
Bovine Bunter.

(all the good ones -- already taken)

Posted by: Kerry at September 23, 2005 3:01 PM

I meant CALF raiser. But, of course you knew that.

Posted by: Kerry at September 23, 2005 3:05 PM

Hamburger Helper!

Posted by: Atomic Bombshell at September 23, 2005 3:24 PM

I love the slat-ula and meat tenderizer. I would have to say vaca batidor (cow beater in spanish)

Posted by: Wheelzgurl at September 23, 2005 3:33 PM

KuhcKlopfer is cow beater in german... hahahaha its cooler sounding in other languanges

Posted by: Wheelzgurl at September 23, 2005 3:35 PM

from what is now apparently the most violent country in the world can i suggest the Coo-Pelter

Posted by: gettif ukya basart at September 23, 2005 4:44 PM

in case you didnt guess its scotland, it is apparently. we wouldnt even hurt a fly, i mean how much money is a fly gonna have on it?

Posted by: gettif ukya basart at September 23, 2005 4:48 PM

The Udder Rudder
The Bull Blaster

Posted by: Dale at September 23, 2005 5:11 PM


Posted by: dirty harry at September 23, 2005 5:16 PM

The bovinator.

Posted by: Jim at September 23, 2005 5:24 PM

Ooh! How 'bout the simple, yet ellegant, Cow Cutter? Or possibly Moo mincer? Bull Blocker? Bovine Breaker? Calf Killer? Bull Breaker? Steak Slicer? Buger Maker? How about Cow-iee (think owiee)? MESS MAKER!!!

Posted by: Hen101 at September 23, 2005 5:57 PM

The Steak and Gravy Train

The Camryn Manheim Steamroller

The Ronco® Insta-Burger

The George Forman Grill, Deluxe Train Edition

The Cattle Battle Rattle

The Moo-t Point

Posted by: J-Rod 3000 at September 23, 2005 6:02 PM

The Super Badass and Mega-Deadly Stainless Steel Grizzly Cow Death Impaler

Posted by: Jumpin' Jehosaphat at September 23, 2005 6:10 PM

the Beef_strokein-off

Posted by: Ericka at September 23, 2005 6:20 PM

or just plain old "dinner" or the dinner bell

Posted by: Ericka at September 23, 2005 6:22 PM


Bwahahaha, Tabitha.

Posted by: Alex at September 23, 2005 6:53 PM

haha good one Alex. Nothing like the obvious....

"Red triangle of catapulting death"

Posted by: nard at September 23, 2005 7:15 PM

Cow Tipper

Cheese Curdler (maybe only obvious Cheese Heads)

Posted by: momsoops at September 23, 2005 7:16 PM

J-Rod 3000 Wins teh internets with the "Ronco Insta-Burger"

Comedy Gold

Posted by: P-I-double tizzle at September 23, 2005 7:26 PM

I got two.

1. The Pre-shoehorn.
2. Power Steering.

Posted by: golfwidow at September 23, 2005 7:56 PM

um, no fancy name here.

but we used to call the "brush guard" on the front my Isuzu a cow-catcher.

not once did it catch a cow. kept dropping them.

I'd scream, "keep your eye on the damn cow!" But at the last minute my Isuzu would always chicken out.

Poor thing.

Posted by: Dick at September 23, 2005 9:10 PM

The Iron Chef

Posted by: Al at September 23, 2005 9:26 PM

NARD! Where on earth did you find that glorius toy set?!

we love you too steve???

and yea... im no creative

Posted by: Emily at September 23, 2005 9:40 PM

Fine use of Googling for the pic stevo!

Posted by: Gdrummer at September 23, 2005 10:48 PM

Pointy red thing that kills and kills.

Posted by: jen at September 23, 2005 11:14 PM

To steal a line from VW The Front End Pedestrian Safety System. Now if I could only teach that damned cow to catch a football.

Posted by: Chuck at September 23, 2005 11:24 PM

The Shake-n-Baker Undertaker
The Ginsu 2000 Cow Carver Steak Knife (as seen on TV!)
The Happy Fun Lucky Point

Posted by: Geoffrey Giraffe at September 24, 2005 12:09 AM

Steer shear. Goat gouger. Meals on wheels. Steer divider.

Posted by: Hen101 at September 24, 2005 12:24 AM


Posted by: Sebastian at September 24, 2005 12:42 AM

If only there were a spear instead of a ramp, I guess, or not. I suppose you hit one just right, you'd get a shishkebob . . . I'm going to hell, or coming back as a sleepy cow on the tracks or something, oh . . . .

Posted by: Sebastian at September 24, 2005 12:43 AM

I'd call it "Phineas P. Fudgebutter the 3rds' Patent-pending Angus Re-situater". Yeah that's the ticket...

Posted by: lunchbox at September 24, 2005 3:32 AM

The bessie bayonette
The T-bone trebuchet
The Moo-lista

Posted by: Richek at September 24, 2005 4:57 AM

The Grill.

Posted by: Katareina at September 24, 2005 5:03 AM

Locomotive Death.

Posted by: Parthenokinesis at September 24, 2005 5:07 AM

What a load of bull Shift.... da dum tssh

Posted by: Nitram182 at September 24, 2005 6:07 AM

the spatula. it IS flipping it after all.

Posted by: susan at September 24, 2005 7:10 AM

This brings to mind an episode of "Steve, Don't Eat It!" Does anybody remember "mechanically separated chicken"? Is this how one would mechanically separate beef?

Posted by: momsoops at September 24, 2005 7:24 AM

Speaking of Steve dont Eat it - will you be eating something you shouldn't in the near future? Not that I'm sadistic much, but you know - it's always good for a chuckle.

Posted by: Rachelle at September 24, 2005 7:44 AM

cattlepult (noun) safety device on a train that works by steering bovine obstructions.

Posted by: rob at September 24, 2005 7:55 AM

The In And Out

Posted by: Alyssa at September 24, 2005 9:07 AM

Given that the odds of hitting livestock are much less these days than when it was originally invented, I'm thinking a name that reflects the times.
Something like:

The Hobo Heaver
Bum Chummer
Vehicular Velocitator
Bike Rack

Posted by: Soylent at September 24, 2005 9:52 AM

Hows about the cow-a-bungler!

Posted by: Waylon at September 24, 2005 10:15 AM

Whopper Lopper
Big Mac Attack
Carl's Junior Six Dollar Slaughter
Milk Shake
Steamer Creamer
Cow Crippler
Beaf Stripper/Jerker/or Grinder)

...That's all I've got for now.

Posted by: Paul at September 24, 2005 10:17 AM

HAHAHAHA, ya like that Alex? Thank you for the compliment:)

nard, he was quoting my comment:)



Posted by: Tabitha at September 24, 2005 10:48 AM

The Beef Basher

hee hee, cows

Posted by: dummer at September 24, 2005 11:04 AM

locomotives still have 'cow catchers', although we don't call them that anymore... we try not to discriminate. Think of how the bears, and moose, and ducks, and deer, and all the other woodland creatures feel. What the hell did the stupid cows do to have the red plow of death named after them! BASTARDS!!!

Posted by: meblack78 at September 24, 2005 11:29 AM

i was going to say cow plow, but dave said it towards the top. i would howerver like to point out that cow plow is not alliteration, it is rhyming. but some other good ones might be:
steak slicer
burger splitter
splatter screen

Posted by: mikey at September 24, 2005 12:20 PM

The Vagrant Ventilator

Posted by: Jethro Q. Walrustitty at September 24, 2005 12:55 PM

How about The Beef-Inducer?
or Thomas the Destroyer of Innocent Life Engine.

Posted by: holly at September 24, 2005 2:11 PM

How about hooking it up to your car and it could be the pedestrian pusher?

Posted by: Jennfer at September 24, 2005 4:08 PM

Jersey Jumper


Great Big Wrought Iron High Speed Bovine Enema


Holstein Heaver

The Cow Jumped Over the Mooner

Posted by: Byron at September 24, 2005 5:11 PM

I'm thinking Moo Moover

Thanks for the education. Never knew what that part of the train was for!

Posted by: Kelly at September 24, 2005 6:12 PM

The Moo Mincer

The Ol' Betsy Beater

The Grim Mooper

Posted by: SeLiNa at September 24, 2005 6:28 PM

Well, I only want to add "the Scarlet O'Hara" because of the scene in "Gone with the Wind" where she beats her horse to death. I know it's a different animal all together, but the imagery is very similar.

Byron - I love "moo-moo-choo-choo-boo-hoo" it's hilarious!

Posted by: Serpentia at September 24, 2005 6:39 PM

The Jersy Juicer

Posted by: Rinky at September 24, 2005 6:55 PM

hey mikey,

isn't it assonance?

Posted by: aaron at September 24, 2005 7:12 PM

Thomas the Cow Killer

Posted by: fdsfasg at September 24, 2005 7:23 PM

I think its painted red for a reason. You know how people purchase brown cars because they hide the dirt well? The Cattlepult is red for that same reason.

I think it would look better with a big smily face that says "Have a Nice Day" on the front.

I vote for The Moo-tilater. I don't think I can top that

Posted by: Wallace at September 24, 2005 8:57 PM

I always thought that thing was just for show... now that I know what its for, I feel like eating some beef.

Posted by: Matt at September 24, 2005 9:50 PM

the Meat Wagon, like in football
Gravy Grid (part of the gravy train ofcourse)
or the new dollar menu item at McDonalds,
the McMeatwhich, and I'm sure it's prepared the same way as everything else

Posted by: Jeff at September 24, 2005 10:20 PM

How about the M.O.A.B.B.
"Mother Of All Beef Bats"

As in, "I've got to run to Pep Boys to pick up a train bra for the MOABB."

Posted by: Chris at September 24, 2005 11:24 PM

How about the Angus Thud!

Posted by: SDagger at September 25, 2005 4:52 AM

I like to call it the Toss-bossie. D

Posted by: David Wilcox at September 25, 2005 5:24 AM

The cattlepult is a triumph in both esthetic and linguistic terms.
I submit my humble suggestions in awe!

Steer Clear


Posted by: Cmdr Clint at September 25, 2005 7:28 AM

That? The name for that is "costs about $700 extra after 'massage' at Choo-Choo's S&M-porium".

Posted by: Amanda at September 25, 2005 8:46 AM

2 Words... " The Grill "

Posted by: carlosvaldosta at September 25, 2005 9:12 AM

Bob Dylan once sang a song titled "It Takes a Lot To Laugh It Takes a Train To Cry." I guess truer words were never spoken to a cow. Of course Dylan also made that "Blood On The Tracks" Album. Maybe he knew about the Cow Catcher.

A few more: In N Out of the burger. Burger Sting.
Indian Cow-wow. Bovine-al Tap. 'Meat' me on the train. Moo-ter Rooter. Silver Meat (It's a movie reference; I'm kinda stretchin' here). Smells Like Meat Spirit.

Posted by: scott at September 25, 2005 10:05 AM

/is a girl

Posted by: Alex at September 25, 2005 11:19 AM

how about the cure to Mad Cow disease

Posted by: Axle at September 25, 2005 2:19 PM

another one: Woah Bessie.

Posted by: SDagger at September 25, 2005 5:20 PM

The Moo-tilater is the greatest name ever.

Posted by: brian at September 25, 2005 6:29 PM

Tossie Bossie--too funny! snerk!

Posted by: LL Locke at September 25, 2005 7:00 PM

Well the Amtrak trains must not have any of these because on my last cross country trip we were delayed for several hours because the train hit a cow...if only it had captured it and released it...

Posted by: SCAFFNET at September 25, 2005 8:31 PM

My vote is in for cyberhobo's fancy little rhyme : The Bovid Flailing Hereford Whaling Rumproast Sailing Taurus Baling Beef Impaling Front-grill Railing!

Posted by: The Seb at September 25, 2005 9:49 PM

The bull-duster?

Posted by: russell at September 26, 2005 1:10 AM

anyone interested in knowing why cows and other creatures don't fair too well when confronted by 'cow catchers', or if curious about trains in general, check out
I can tell you this... animals don't stand a chance (unless you're an elephant?).
Minced Meat

Posted by: Buck101 at September 26, 2005 1:59 AM

Any one of you ever watched the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?


Posted by: Ben at September 26, 2005 4:24 AM

In Russia they do things differently

Russian Train Passengers Slaughter Cows After Train Accident -

Posted by: Doug at September 26, 2005 4:38 AM

How about:

"Steve, don't eat this cow after it's just been blasted by this pointy thing on the front of the train"?

Too wordy?

Posted by: Barney at September 26, 2005 6:17 AM

WOW .. Steve, you are in the company of some total genii on this website ! Cattlepult - Brilliant. Moo-tilator - fantastic. Best one yet - The Grill hahahahahaha.

As for me :
The Cattle Rattler
The Cow Halfer (could be shortened to the Calfer!)
The TerMOOnator
The Daisy Raiser

Posted by: Delboy at September 26, 2005 6:38 AM

Anyone say, the Bovine Harvester?

as in - combine - no?



Posted by: Pupso at September 26, 2005 6:57 AM

How about Cow Spreader?

Posted by: Hywel at September 26, 2005 7:34 AM

Beef Jerky... I was just pissed I didn't get here sooner. Damn work getting in the way of all this fun..

Posted by: 'nother Kurt at September 26, 2005 8:25 AM

The Beef-Fibulator

Posted by: Mahatma Kane at September 26, 2005 8:27 AM

Bovine Bumper

Those cows can indeed get mad about it though.

Posted by: Rags at September 26, 2005 8:30 AM

1. Instant Fajitas
2. The Bovine Boinker
3. The Little Engine That Could KICK THAT COW'S ASS!
4. The Ground Chuck Chucker
5. The Beefinator
6. The Longhorn Lance
7. The Martha Stewart Collection Meat Destroyer 3000 - only at K-Mart!

Posted by: Jennifer at September 26, 2005 8:36 AM

The Cow-Poke

Posted by: Joel at September 26, 2005 9:02 AM

my guess is the cow catcher is not there to protect the cow, it's there to get the damn thing off the track so the train can move..generally though, I don't think a cow would enjoy the never see mother cows throwing the calves up in the air and catching them, so my guess is Cows don't like to be thrown around...just my humble opinion My favorite name for the thing
Train taco

Posted by: Kathy at September 26, 2005 9:23 AM

The orphan-ator

Posted by: 'nother steve at September 26, 2005 9:30 AM

PETA's Kryptonite

Cattle Corraller

Death Spike!!

And, since cows may or may not be the only four-legged's traipsing around near traintracks...

"Mammal Masher"

Posted by: TheIdleReceptionist at September 26, 2005 9:34 AM

Hamburger Hefter

Posted by: JimC at September 26, 2005 9:53 AM

Whole Cow Meat Tenderizer
Bovine Orphan Maker
Cattle Colon Cleanser
or... the Lethal Cattle Enema

Posted by: Zclone at September 26, 2005 10:16 AM

I think Hamburger Hater is appropriate or depending on the type of bovine, the Jersey Sure.

Posted by: Will at September 26, 2005 10:17 AM

Sorry Tabitha I was having a bad brain day. ;)

/loves the name Tabitha

Posted by: nard at September 26, 2005 10:43 AM


Okay, not a cow I know. Pigs might wander onto train tracks too.

Posted by: Big J at September 26, 2005 10:53 AM

Man, these have had me laughing non-stop. Okay, so here's a different take:

Casey Jones' Moustache

If you aren't familiar with Casey Jones, go here - he's the most famous train engineer of all time. And the device does look a bit like a moustache, no?

Posted by: DavidNYC at September 26, 2005 11:12 AM

Wow, that's alot of them. Sorry if I repeat by accident.

The Airborne Angus
The messy bessie
or the cattle-yst

Posted by: jay at September 26, 2005 11:37 AM

Heifer Heaper

Also, I'm quite curious as to the Tree Brain Pilfer Caper's resolution. Crazy Tree Brain Eating Lady with the Yellow Paper of

Posted by: TheIdleReceptionist at September 26, 2005 11:41 AM

I do love the aforementioned Messy Bessie.

Here are my submissions.

The fantastic Cow-sploder

The Moo moo molester

Posted by: Meghan at September 26, 2005 12:49 PM

The COWppuccino Maker!

Posted by: Angela at September 26, 2005 1:35 PM

One more:

The moo-moo splatter

(you know- poo poo platter)

Posted by: Meghan at September 26, 2005 1:46 PM

Sorry Alex! Didn't realize you were a girl.. obviously the name threw me off. I still smile@ the hysterical laughing in response to my comment!
And, to quote NARD,
:Sorry Tabitha I was having a bad brain day. ;)

/loves the name Tabitha
Posted by nard at September 26, 2005 10:43 AM "

LOL it's okay .. and thank you:)

I um..... love your name too..... lol
Unless that really IS your name, in which case that was really mean and cruel and i actually do love it!

Posted by: Tabitha at September 26, 2005 2:42 PM

Add a little heat to the cow catcher and call it:

The Foreman Grill

Posted by: MacG at September 26, 2005 3:13 PM

Ha ha Steve, you really fooled 'em this time. Everyone knows that that 'thing' is not a cow clearing device but a snow plough, used for clearing ice and snow. Ask anyone who's au fait with Thomas the Tank Engine.

But you got a laugh getting all those city slckers/illiterates to make up names for your cow plough.

Posted by: PK Moto Moto at September 26, 2005 10:24 PM

I've always known it as a "cow puncher"

Posted by: Gimpy at September 26, 2005 10:33 PM

PK - it's not a snow plow, it's a a cowcatcher. Look

Posted by: Steve at September 26, 2005 10:39 PM

nope, really is a Cow Catcher.

Posted by: Dick at September 27, 2005 12:14 AM

Moo Goo Fry Pan..

Posted by: 'nother Kurt at September 27, 2005 5:15 AM

listen here mr. PK moto moto. We ain't illigiemate, y'hear??

and it's "slickers," not "slkers."

et, s'il vous plait, ne parle pas francais parce que tu n'est pas un person meilleure parce que tu parles deux langues.

Posted by: TheIdleReceptionist at September 27, 2005 5:56 AM

just so everyone doesn't point out some hypocritical misspelling, i neglected to add a [sic] on the first line there.

my heartiest appologies.

the grammatical blunders were for effect.

unless, the more probable; no one which case i'll hush.



Posted by: TheIdleReceptionist at September 27, 2005 6:00 AM

How about Move Over Butter?

Steer B-Gone?

Hamburger Git Along?

Posted by: Hugh Jass at September 27, 2005 8:15 AM

1. The Daisy Cutter (

2. The Milk Shaker

3. The Boviscerator

4. H.S.B.R.D - High-speed Bovine Relocation Device


Posted by: Chris Chaos at September 27, 2005 8:16 AM

Mashy McMasher..

Whacky McWhacker..

Splatty McSplatter...

any "Mc" name will do very well.

Posted by: Rachelle at September 27, 2005 9:26 AM


The Unhappy Ending?

Posted by: Honey at September 27, 2005 9:28 AM

heh, Tabitha the real name is Steve, but that was already taken by you know who.

Official name is Nard_Bagman but that was a bit long so I just used nard for this site.


Posted by: nard at September 27, 2005 8:51 PM

Steeeeeerike! :P

Posted by: Cmdr Clint at September 28, 2005 6:56 AM

How about Steak & Shake

Posted by: Don Esposito at September 28, 2005 9:49 AM

Bovine Destruction Related Program Activities

Posted by: DavidNYC at September 28, 2005 12:02 PM

The Bovinater.

Posted by: static at September 28, 2005 3:03 PM

Beef Cow Pain

Boogie Down Bruck-Up Beef

The Steer Spear

Chop A LOT Milk Make

Beef Souvlaki

The Cow Ow

The Cow Poacher

Posted by: SeLiNa at September 28, 2005 8:10 PM

Or... Chop A LOT Milk Shake

Okay... that's enough!!! I have to stop thinking about this. It's eliminating all of the useful facts & knowledge I have stored in my brain and replacing them with all of the above. Not good...

Posted by: SeLiNa at September 28, 2005 8:12 PM

Cow A Go-Go

The Bovine Butt-Plug

Britney Spears-Steers

The Hamburger-Helper

The Heffer Head-ache

The Hugh Heffer

Steak on a Stick

Mignon Maker

No More on the New York Strip

Menace a Cow
(menage trois...okay, I'm stretching, but come on you people have been at this for a week already...sheesh)

Steve, as always, you SO Rock!

StarChilde definitely loves the "Cattlepult" and that's the one she places her vote on!

Posted by: Serpentia & StarChilde at September 29, 2005 1:44 AM

Steve, that brainknapper/cannibal is such a bitch. That was some illegal action she performed. If she comes back, call the cops, or put her under citizens arrest. Then, once you catch her, sue her for me. She has caused me severe emotional distress. My condolences. On the bright side, there appears to be some residual fungus left on the tree. Maybe fungi can regrow body parts. And lady, if you're reading this, i fart in your general direction.

Posted by: seymour bibbons at September 29, 2005 12:47 PM

Really, that woman deserves to die (if she hasn't already), for eating the Tree Brain. Such a crime is on-par with murder. Hopefully, the Brain will be able to assume control of her body and return to you, Steve.

Posted by: Andrew Ross at September 29, 2005 4:52 PM

The Amazing Ronco, Steam Spatula

Posted by: Chris J at September 30, 2005 11:22 AM

Mr moto moto (ass)
If you knew anything at all, you would know that a snow plow works best if it doesn't have gaps in it... you know, so the snow doesn't go THROUGH the plow? That would kind of negate the effect of actually plowing the snow out of the way, don't you think? And although 'cow catchers' are useful for more than gently nudging bovine from the tracks, 'cow catcher' is a name that railways still use. And yes I know that modern 'cow catchers' are made of 1-2" thick steel in the shape of a snow plow (good at plowing snow and steers), so you don't have to tell me.
Thank you for proving how smrt (SMRT!) you are.

Posted by: Matt at October 1, 2005 9:29 AM

How 'bout "Hamburger Hurter"?

...or maybe "Wendy", cause you know, where's the beef?

On another tangent, for whose benefit are these euphemisms? The cows'? They never listen.

Do they?

Posted by: snickersnee at October 3, 2005 5:57 PM

I am mortified that I overlooked the delicious double entendre of "Utter Terror/ Udder Tearer".

I am such a boob.

Posted by: snickersnee at October 3, 2005 6:01 PM

No fancy name but how about the heated version that grills whatever it picks up. Pretty handy for those "tailgaters" on the side rail waiting on the other train to pass.

BTW, $12.99 for a Sneeze mug? That will get you a whole lot of silkworm pupas (great job on vol. 9).

Posted by: Inept at October 4, 2005 9:54 PM


Posted by: Joel at October 6, 2005 9:08 AM

Not sure of it's proper name, but I'm POSITIVE I've seen George Foreman selling it on tv!

Posted by: Mark at October 6, 2005 9:54 AM

Call it:


Posted by: Keith at October 7, 2005 6:04 AM

How about The Aggie Adjuster?
or PETA's Next Crusade?

Posted by: Josh at October 7, 2005 10:47 AM

Thanks seymour bibbons,I Havent Heard "Fart In Your General Direction" For A While.Once Again, Thank You.

The Cow Runner Over

The Captain Insano(He Shows No Mercy)

Posted by: Alyssa at October 7, 2005 4:07 PM