February 10, 2004
I recently put up an old favorite called Freaky Franks. Click here to play with it.
At some point over the next few months I'd love to make Son of Freaky Franks, but that means at least 10 new toppings. A few I've been kicking around were: Pepto Bismol, Monopoly Pieces and Fire, but nothing is set in stone.
I'd love to hear your suggestions. (One thought: gross toppings are okay, but my personal favorites are anything that's visually interesting.) The comment board is NO LONGER OPEN. Thanks!
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Posted by Steven | Archive
I would suggest any number of selections from "Steve, Don't Eat It"...especially the pickled pork rinds. Good stuff.
Ha ha. Good call! 1991 Urkel-Os would not be a bad choice at all, either.
How about something like earplugs, batteries or broken glass?
i definately vote for broken glass...
Perhaps guinea pig food (those little green pellets), feathers, spackle, or blueberry filling. Or cottage cheese. World of possibility!
Urkel-O's would be cool, but if you could find a box of Nintendo Power cereal (circa 1989) that would be the best...that way you'd have a split of both sugary Mario Bros. and Link from the Legend of Zelda...of course if you found the short-lived "Nerds" cereal, (as in the candy) it would be about the same...they had the same shape and color.
Here's a few:
Plastic googly eyes
Legos, teeth, india ink, thumbtacks, army men, loose change, glitter, or caulk. Because no one wants to eat a caulk dog.
Cocktail weiners (hot dogs on hot dogs!)
I like (as suggested by others):
Googly Eyes (cruh-eepy)
I humbly suggest:
Sweet and Sour sauce
Creamed Corn (a corn dog?)
Sharpie (can you draw on a hot dog?)
What a great project. You are the dreamer of dreams.
Two words baby:
Oops. Only on review did I notice that w0nka already posted glitter. My apologies, Candyman.
Golden Crisp cereal
pogs (remember those)
When is there going to be a Bride of Freaky Franks? In a proper dress?
star wars action figure (preferably Chewbacca)
wax lips (kiss your weiner!)
and keeping with the "Frankenstein" theme...
stitches in the bun would be awesome
Pee-Wee Herman action figure (any)
Science Diet R/D Prescription dog food (wet)
Supermarket plus card (any, i.e. KrogerPlus, etc.)
toilet freshener tablet (blue)
spark plugs (used)
neon/cardinal tetra's, angelfish, beta's (colorful, live or dead)
budgie cuttlefish or seed-stick
Risk(c) playing pieces
AOL/Earthlink cd (any version)
Add some traditional toppings; sour kraut, chilli beans, shredded cheese, etc. to complement the bizarre toppings.
Make a "white trash" version with a folded piece of white bread.
Go for some color extremes; cottage cheese or yogurt with diced pickled beets or julliened string beans.
I say go for the gusto...cat litter. Cat litter with tootsie roll turds would be better, but possibly too gross.
Why not combine it into a "Steve, Don't Eat It!" event, with reports of each and every combination?
Obviously broken glass is out though!
My vote's in for Lucky Charms (The Frosted Oat Cereal With Sweet Surprises)...
Fluffer-nutter might be cool
And.... the Delores Pickled Pork Rinds!
I have short term memory loss so I dont remember what any of you already said even tho I just read the suggestions, but I would love to build a hot dog using (among other things)Elmer's Glue, metal shavings, talcum powder, dishwasher detergent (like the green liquid cascade), and a matchbox car (it would probably havta be a Jeep due to the rough terrain of a hot dog).
It’s scary how many posts were generated, just goes to show you how many people you keep entertained throughout the day!
Ok just a few suggestions:
Pokemon! Take your pick!!
Giardiniera – That tasty oily Italian pepper topping!
Cough Drops (in the wrapper)
Nasal breathing strips
Flags from around the world
And I’m done!
monkeys from the barrel o'
1. Crickets (available at any pet store)
2. Tylenol Gel Caps
3. Rabbit Droppings (I can provide, or you can use Coco Puffs)
5. Jello squares (little colorful cubes you could make in an ice tray)
10. Nipples (baby bottle)
11. Pop Rocks
13. Contact lenses
15. Used Q-Tips
16. Needles or push-pins or thumbtacks
18. Crushed Glass (or Glass Shards)
19. Prescription Pills
20. (Beer) Bottle Caps
21. Little Pocket Knives
24. Rat Tails
26. Oysters or Clams
27. Dental Floss
28. Cassette Tape (unspooled)
29. Sharpie Pen Tops
30. Paper Clips
31. Bottles of Liquid Paper
33. Rubber Bands
34. Watch Batteries
35. Nuts N' Bolts
37. Ointments (small tubes of it)
38. Postage Stamps
39. Creamed Corn or Lima Beans
40. Pencil Eraser Tips (broken off at top)
42. Vintage Soda Can Pull Tabs (the kind you used to pull off with the ring)
43. Sardines or Anchovies
44. Birthday Candles
45. Frog Organs (internal)
46. Caviar (Red or Black)
52. Teeth (human)
53. Christmas Tree Bulbs
54. Tooth Picks (frilly)
55. uncooked rice
57. Pennies (or any coins)
58. Tic Tacs
59. Matches (sticks)
60. Crushed Cell Phone Parts (I have one you could smash)
61. Cocktail Forks
62. Buttons (from clothing)
63. Cigarette Butts
64. Golf Tees
65. Baby Corn
67. Battleship Game Pieces
69. Pen Springs
70. Frog Legs
71. Guppies (or just "Tropical FIsh")
72. Crackerjack Prizes
73. Thumbs (could be done easily with Photoshop) -- or Toes
74. Shredded (ripped up) Lottery Tickets
75. Movie Ticket Stubs
76. Toothbrush Heads
77. Yarn or Thread
79. Hot Wheels
81. Raisins or Grapes
82. Cough Drops
83. Watermelon Seeds
84. Pet Food (dog, cat, rabbit)
87. Dradles (they make little ones)
88. Birthday or Hanukah Candles
89. Pig Snouts
90. Chopped Liver
91. Hershey's Kisses
92. Quail Eggs (any sushi restaurant)
93. Bra Flowers (those little "flowers" between the cups of every bra)
94. Chewed Gum
97. Thorns (rose)
98. Fish Hooks
100. Razor Blades
Alka Seltzer tablets
Hot Wheels cars
chocolate covered cherries
those super-teeny little gift bows
Pubic Hair. Always visually interesting.
some very good suggestions, maybe consider having another set of options for different bun types, the white trash bread dog could then be made, also the twinkie could double as a bun (ala UHF and the easy-cheese-twinkie-weiner-dog, or something like that)
Curly fries (stuck in vertically)
Whipped cream from a can with cherries and sprinkles (it's the banana split of hot dogs)
And/Or, pink wafers
That'll do, donkey.
I'm with you on the alternate buns. I had been thinking of using a Devil Dog as a bun, but I was afraid that might just be a by-product of my east coast upbringing, and not nationally known.
Big League Chew
Banana peels (as hot dog bun)
Amazon.com Gold Boxes
How about something outrageous, like Ketchup or mustard. Or really over the top, like relish or, really weird... onions.
I'm assuming you threw away all the hotdogs from freaky franks 1. I was just imagining some guy digging through your garbage, looking for stuff to steal your identity, thinking, "what kind of god damn freak would do this"
Pez. Everybody loves Pez!
How about metal jacks (like from the children's game that you play with a ball). They would be VERY visually appealing!
My girlfriend just brought home cooked duck from some chinese restaurant, and it was all cut up with the skin still on it. worse, there was a duck foot sitting in the bottom of the styrofoam take out box it was in. The skin had bumps on it, which I had to spit out.
So i recommend either duck skin or duck feet.
how about you crack open one of those Halloween glow sticks (any color- although alien green can't go wrong) and dribble it on....
i love this idea....just when you thought the ingredients of a basic hotdog couldn't be any worse....
Small live mice?? Brilliant! Large dead mice would just be crass. ::grin::
Or how about one of the disturbing new masscots for Quiznos Subs!!
::singing:: "We love Steeeeeeve's Hoooot Doooogs...we realllllly dooooo..."
Not enough wet topping suggestions, so here are some of mine:
2.that slime (like TMNT mutagen) that you could buy in the late 80's... do they even still make that?
(And I love the blueberry pie filling idea.)
The guy I work with who's sitting next to me just suggested baby birds (just out of the egg, featherless and eyes still shut)
I was just checking out the Freaky Franks and found myself kind of wanting to eat the one with circus peanuts and whipped cream. New possible toppings: cat's eye marbles and ky jelly. I don't think I'd want to eat that one. Of the above suggestions, one of my favorites is Big League chew.
* Marshmallow peeps
* A TV remote
* Chrome nuts and bolts
* Two fried eggs sunnyside up
* Necco wafers (has anybody under 64 years old ever BOUGHT those things? Steve, DON'T eat it!!)
* Prell (or Pert) shampoo
* Pine cones
* Jingle bells
* Sparklers (lit)
This is giving me some great ideas for my hubster's next cookout, lmaaaao. --m
Wow! So many awesome toppings. You guys rock! Thanks!!!
Metal sewing pins with multicolored colored plastic heads, dozens of them, stuck into the hot dog like a pincushion.
A clip-on bowtie
Pool cue chalk
A pair of those stupid looking Euro-trash tortoise shell glasses that are in style right now
used coffee grounds
big dollops of margarine or lard
cream of mushroom soup still in a quivering can-shaped lump
and how about a diaper for a bun?
1. The tears of a broken heart
2. roly poly fish heads
3. hamburger meat
Im eating some of those valentines candy hearts right now- Boy do I wish I had a hot dog and some rubber cement to go with them! MMMMMMMM!!!!
Pokemon (especially Pikachu)
Hi Steve. To me, nothing looks better on an old Hebrew National than a few pet rocks. Mmm mmm good.
9MM bullets and Ring Pops
bathroom sink detritus
Port'n'Cheddar cheese loaf spread
gasket sealer (blue, or the shiny coppery stuff)
Orange hand cleaner
Sticky eyeballs (found in gumball machines, usually)
well, anything from a gumball machine.
Here are a few suggestions:
1. Peeps (in traditional yellow, of course, for contrast)
2. kittens (the cuter & fluffier the better)
6. refried beans
7. glitter (I know it's already been suggested. Its such a good one, it bears repeating)
10. school paste
Post-IT Notes (trademark 3M) reminding one to consume his hot dog.
spray-on cheese spread
Chopped hard-boiled eggs
Parsley (really weird here, I know)
Rose petals (for the Valentine's Day dog, with the candy hearts mentioned above, or to contrast with the parsley)
String, or brightly-colored wool
Pencil shavings (did someone already say that?)
Definitely broken glass and vaseline.
in the idea of Steve don't eat it, I'll only suggest actual edibles... some may repeat, I'm sorry, thats alot to remember above....
Limberger Cheese (cartoon classic!)
Jellied Coconut milk
mini marshmallows (colored of course!)
POUNCE cat treats
Milkbone dog biscuits
Mini choco chip cookies
The following cereals: boo berry, count chokula, fruity pebbles, sugar crisp, Captain Crunch
those clear thai noodles (really gross looking)
raw shrimp, in shell
canadian cheese curds (good but weird looking)
sea urchin sushi (possibly the most disgusting thing I've ever eaten)
red kidney beans
Asparagus or Brussels sprouts
Do the toppings have to go on a hot dog? How about on Jessica (Nappy Rag) instead?
C'mon, get a little more disgusting. You want people to love it, make them sick.
A chunk of used toilet paper
Lobs of earwax on a Q-tip
Tissue with obvious snot on it
A big cornchip of a toe-nail
A delicate, but crunchy scab
Clumps of drain hair with unidentified swaths of guck
Bloody pubic hair
Zit, pimple and blackhead chowder
Zesty, wake up in the morning eye sauce
Salty moustach dandruff
These are all local and free items. I expect to see atleast one of my choices on this hot-dog. If not, I will send one item from my list on a daily basis to your home address. Kidding.
anything from a public school lunch program (mystery meat anyone?)
the insides of felt markers
Any CD or cassette by Prince.
Live (small) goldfish..(they won't be live for long!)
Baby Crickets (live or dead, it's all good)
Bloodworms and real worms
All of the above can be found in your local pet store fish/reptile area. :)
I would like to see the following toppings?
1) The frailty of the human race
2) Celebrities ... in Jail!
4) Corn Huskers Lotion (R)
5) Cubic Zirconium
6) Grace Slick
7) A small stuffed animal like a bear or Cookie Monster but not a penguin
8) One Dollar in American Liberty Currency (paper)
9) A Freaky Frank with maximum toppings (as a topping, see, so the Freaky Frank would be peppered with Freaky Franks. See the Internet Pizza Server for more details)
10) Discarded "old skool" ring soda tabs
11) The Will To Live
12) A living will
15) The "coming back from impossible odds" theme repeatedly beaten into the ground in the movie _Seabiscuit_
16) Frommer's 1st Edition Guide to Sweden (1999)
17) ARDILLA ES LOCO!!!!!
18) The gun barrel is jammed against your face and you can feel it slowly slipping down your cheek aided by your own sweat. Then, the hammer goes back and an empty click echoes throughout the examination room. Your fist is already connecting with your aggressor's jawline before you realize what's happening. You escape into the parking lot. That is my answer: a topping offering should be a parking lot.
19) Is there a sale on Freaky Franks today?
20) No. This is a list of potential Freaky Frank toppings.
21) Oh. Sorry about that.
22) No problem.
23) FLT #392 SFO -> HNL 9:32AM (PST)
24) SOFTWARE! EXTRA PRICES! flubrlrjlh yazjbra
25) RJ-45 jacks
26) The "tough, plucky horse represents tough, plucky depression-era public" metaphor repeatedly beaten into the ground in the movie _Seabiscuit_
27) Peak Oil
28) Microscopic amounts of mustard, invisible to the naked eye
For the 69th Comment I would like to see these items as toppings...
oh damn, everything I come up with has already been chosen.
how about little fuzzy cat-toy mice?
Has anyone mentioned:
Macaroni & Cheese
Hot Wheels, esp the new mini-Hot Wheels, you could get a lot of them on there
Thumb Tacks, the shiny brass ones
Grape Nuts Cereal
Sand or gravel
Milkshake preferably a McDonalds Shamrock Shake if available
That's enough, you've got a wide range of great suggestions, well, maybe great is a little strong...
1) Pubic Hairs
2) Gold Chains
4) Baby squid
5) White Out
7) Pink lace
9) Garter Snake
11) Post-It Notes
13) Lemon wedges
14) Original He-Man action figures
15) GI Joe figures
17) Fingernail clippings
18) Toilet Paper (clean or used, your pick)
20) Baby crabs
Slugs and Salt
A wonderful combination
Your vomit subsequent to ingesting any of the previously mentioned combinations.
I think that's how they invented Frank-n-Stuff!
Condoms and Presedential Buttons for Democratic hopefuls.
Might I refer you to my posting on things that are funny to vomit? I think that any of these objects would make suitable toppings for your hot dog!
See "Lunch Revisited" at:
Here is my list. Although I tried to read and remember all of the prior suggestions, there may be a repeat. For this, I beg your indulgence.
Smart Yellow Pages San Jose and Santa Clara M-Z
Plastic flatware (preferably sporks)
Those mini candy canes that you hang on your Xmas tree
Used book stickers
Used books (preferably romance novels or pulp fiction)
Three rubber balls with the words "Room 12" on them
Fresh fruit (preferably whole grapefruit or melons)
A small toolchest
Salt, and plenty of it
Kentucky straight bourbon whiskey
A stranger's vacation photos
More Kentucky straight bourbon whiskey
That stuff you scrape off the bottom of the pizza box
A child's soiled underpants (preferably underoos or pull-ups)
OK, I'm out of ideas. That's probably a good thing. Cheers!
I can't believe NO ONE said Gummy candy, i.e. bears, worms, or whatever other wacky shapes those Gummy folk twist their multicolored sugar-rubber into. I personally vote for Gummi worms, as they are my favorite. I also suggest:
-Scotch tape (with or without dispenser)
-Sharpie markers (medium point, preferably)
-bubbles (eat the weiner before the bubbles pop!)
-KY Warming Liquid ("That'll work!")
-gas cap from a 1989 Toyota (any model)
-balloons (inflated or flat, helium or not -- your pick)
-subway pass (as in the train, not a punch card for the sandwich "shoppe")
I think that'll do. Man, I could TRY to do some work today.
micro machines...if you have any laying around.
King Cake babies, preferably the gold ones.
put a CD in the microwave and break it into shards.
salt and a snail or two
cockrings....that's all I can think of right now.
While strolling through the local supermarket, I happened upon a can (actually several cans) of Pastene baby clams (shells included). What a glorious topping this would be.
How about a dirty diaper, ruined sushi, goose-liver pate or compost from a neighbor's garden?
Man, there are a lot of good ideas here, and a lot of really foul ones too. Here's my contributions.
Liquid: blue or green slurpee, the creamy filling from cadbury eggs, that foam that you use to fix bicycle flats, and glitter glue, which is so much cooler than plain glitter.
Dry: those gummi sharks, dungeons and dragons 12 sided dice, that christmas ribbon candy that grandmas always have on their coffee tables, and cheetos.
items already mentioned that bear repeating:
items that I don't think have been mentioned:
M&Ms (any kind)
Hershey kisses (still in wrapper)
any candy, really, would be cool, like an entire Snickers bar or Milky Way
ketchup or mustard packets (or any similarly packaged condiment)
After re-reading all the posts, I realized that I listed a few things that had already been mentioned. My agologies.
But I thought of some more...
tums or rolaids
couscous/rice/any kind of pasta
a pocket comb
a tube of chapstick/lipgloss
I could go on...
Breast milk you seem to have lots of that at your house
well, all i can add is:
Fish Body Oils (they come in gelcaps, pop one open sometime!)
Paperclips bent out so they are straight rather than in that wierd shape
if anyone had my ideas up already, or if I spelled anything wrong, I'm sorry.
I am a little behind the times but here are a few new ones (I think):
i dont know if any of these are repeats or not, i just read all of the suggestions, but i cant remember them all.. if they're repeats, it's because they're great ideas! :)
a used tampon
nipple clamps (attached to either end of the frank)
seedless watermelon or kiwi strawberry flavoured lube
the blood of a 13 year old virgin
or.. alternatively, calve's blood
pickled quail eggs
twizzlers (the pull-n-peel kind, pulled apart and tied around the frank)
that's all i can come up with right now
Freaky Franks 1 introduced me to the mouthwatering delight of buffalo wings with peanut butter - they're really yummy. I'm looking forward to Son of Freaky.
I'm really in love with the idea of fire.
I also suggest:
Mini cassette tapes
Neet hair remover
Hurry up, already!