July 8, 2004

Reviews You Can Use: Identical Twins

The concept of identical people is an intriguing one. Unfortunately, I know more than one set of these so-called "identical" twins, and I can always tell them apart. They don't even have the same first names-- identical my sack. It's just another lie we've been fed, like the existence of the "Loch Ness Monster" or "Cuba."

If an egg is going to go to the trouble of splitting, and DNA is going to go through the trouble of being shared, I don't think it's too much to ask of two people to simply be the same person. Nowadays twins don't even have the common courtesy to dress alike. I've met ones that won't even finish each other's sentences. The only thing they do have in common is an irritating urge to be individuals.

And what about that junk where one twin gets hurt and the other twin somehow feels it. Two of my oldest dearest friends, Mark and Pete, are "identical" twins. As a test, I ran over Mark's head with my Honda. His twin brother didn't feel a thing. He just went about his day without a care in the world. Sure, I enjoyed that satisfying POP you can only get from a skull under your tires, but the guy was one of my best friends! Now he's gone! And what's worse is, he used to get me the best presents.

Gee, it sure would be nice if there was a person out there who could take his place. Someone, I don't know... "identical" to him? What a minute, I've got it! I can get Mark's identical twin brother... and make him scour the globe for a suitable replacement.

- Excellent concept
- Hot twin sisters = extra hot

- They're not identical

Bottom Line: Great idea, poorly executed.

Final Grade: C+

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Posted by Steven | Archive