July 29, 2004

Ironjaw: The New Guide to Girls

A few weeks ago I introduced you to Ironjaw: the crappy comic book that my aunt gave me as a kid for absolutely no apparent reason.

I never really read any Ironjaw until now, and that is a true shame because I've come to realize that my aunt wasn't just handing me a comic book-- she was handing me an instructional tool for the opposite sex-- a virtual how-to guide to women. Had I only studied it then, my life-experience with the ladies may have been very different.

The good news is, it's not too late for any of us.

The Sneeze now proudly presents...


The first thing Ironjaw taught me is that when it comes to the ladies, CONFIDENCE is key. If you don't believe in yourself, how can she?



Here, Ironjaw has helped me realize that HONESTY in a relationship is crucial. Don't just tell a woman what you think she wants to hear. Speak from your heart, and she will only love you more for it...


Even Ironjaw wasn't the apple of every gal's eye right off the bat. A little PERSEVERANCE goes a long way...

And don't be a GLOOMY GUS, either. Watch how Ironjaw looks on the bright side. That makes chicks all sexual!


And the most important lesson I've learned is: Deep down, women don't care if you're short, or fat, or even if you have a bear trap for a chin... all that really matters is that the rest of your head looks exactly like Sylvester Stallone.

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Posted by Steven | Archive